All language subtitles for Voyeur Confessions (2001)_en 01;26;12 25fps

(laughing)

Study on voyeurism. I don't know, I'm not sure.

Dr. Taylor, granted
I've been here only a week,
but of the information that I've looked at,
of all the sexual problems
that human response associates see,
voyeurism is the one that we're least effective treating.

I'd like to recruit some subjects and then
do some preliminary clinical observations.

As I remember, there's not much work that has been done in that field.

No, I think it's a really rich area for research.

What's your working definition of voyeurism?

The act of secretly observing unsuspecting people
who are naked or in the process of undressing or
participating in sexual activity for one's own sexual pleasure.

First stage, I'd like to hold in-depth interviews
and then look over the information,
and then I'd like to propose a program of therapeutic recommendations.

Have you talked to Dr. Brand about this?
She's the clinician that designs the treatment protocols.

Well, I thought that I'd run it by you first.

My only concern here is that it might be a bit too ambitious.

Well, I'll take that as a compliment.
But I must say that when you hired me,
you did say to think outside the box.

Fast track it. I think it's a home run.
Thank you.

Well I'm looking forward to what
you come up with because so far I've been

completely ineffective with the lawyers.
I think what we need to do is just see

how much you can get them to disclose to you.
You know?
Mm-hmm.

Well why is that an issue though?
Well women classically have had difficulty

getting the subjects to disclose
the sexual intimate information in their

lives. Oh well that won't be a problem.
That was my strong suit in grad school.

Oh okay. I didn't mean it that way.

Why are you so interested in doing this?

Well, I guess...

I guess I'm interested because I want to find out
why I'm so interested in doing it.

All set? Yeah. We on? Hey you.
Hey. Well, I wish I could be there, but I can't.
We have another gig tonight at San Luis Obispo.

So, I just wanted to wish you luck on your first subject,
so you're going to knock them dead.
I know you will.

I hope you don't actually knock them dead though,
because that wouldn't be a good thing.

Um, I don't know what else to say.
I was going to do this entirely naked,
but I figured that if people were watching,
then that wouldn't be a good thing.

I don't care about these guys though. Yeah, rock on.
Good luck. I miss you. I love you. I miss you.
I can't wait to see you.

We all miss you.
Yeah.
Want to climb up a truck?
I love you. I love you. Bye.

Okay, I'm going to put this microphone here.
There you go.
Let me plug it in over here.

Okay, why don't you start by telling me a little bit about you.

My name's Dave.

28, I'm single.

Never been married.

College graduate.

I work in advertising.

I'm a media buyer.

I'm the second of three brothers.
I like to play golf.
I work out, watch basketball.

It's not a boy.

I haven't never told anyone about this.

Jesus Christ.

I just, I must have kept it inside me since I was a *****.

And why did you apply for this study?

I think my voyeurism is keeping me from being intimate with women.

Thanks for telling me that. I appreciate that.

You're pretty easy to talk to.

That's good.

So, how long ago was your first water stick experience?

I was a teenager and it was...

Man, I can see it as clear as when it happened.

And it was like being hit by lightning or something.

It was... I mean, after that I was hooked.

And you... you masturbated when you saw that?

Yeah.

And later, too.

Lasted me for months.

You know, I really appreciate how
articulate you're being about this.

It's really helpful.

Well, it's a major deal for me.

I've given this a lot of thought.

And there's so much time spent
searching for voyeuristic opportunities.

If I cannot be as obsessed as I am,
I don't want to go through my whole life doing this.

Sometimes it just gets to be too much.

So tell me about the second time.

Second time?

Uh, we had to move because of my father's job.

It started two days after we got there.

It was August and it was hot.

I mean, sweltering hot.

From my window I could see her perfectly.

It was amazing.

At the end of that summer,
I saw my first fucking...

after

I was watching people have sex.

Do the thing.

Even though I'd never seen it,
you know what I mean?

But there was

So primitive

Okay let's do it.
Okay all right so just tell me who you are and

I get that pulling on it.

Tell me who you are and and why you're here.
Okay I'm Christopher. I'm 30. I'm a

website designer what else?
And why you're here? We have to be

somewhere right?
Look I figure maybe I could learn something.

So tell me about your family, about your relationships.
Are you single?

Yeah, I'm single.
I grew up in a middle-class family.
My mother was a social worker.

My parents split up when I was young.

I don't know why I answered your ad
because I guess some what you might call a

I was the *** with the mirrors in
my shoes looking up girls' dresses, okay?

I don't know, the things that I remember...

beautiful things.

Listen, it's the moments in life with truth.

Those are the images that turn me on.

Stealing images from life is my life.

You see?

normal relationships with women, okay,
but I do have relationships with

There was this woman once,
she used to live close to where I used to work.

And she knew everything about me,
she knew when I got off and everything.

And she would put on these shows for me.

take off her clothes and she would play with herself.

But in that whole time she never once
acknowledged that I was even there.

I would just sit in my car and...

I don't know,
I used to wonder if she would do that for anyone else.

like to think that she didn't.

-Heroism, business.

Yeah, really.

And?

It's really wild.

Yeah, really, what is really?

affected you? I mean sexually?

You want to find out?

Okay.

I really miss you.

I know someone else who really misses you.

I like your video.

Did you like that?

Yeah, you should have made it.

Everybody was making fun of me.

Bye!

Oh, yes.

Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
Oh, you look so good.

I missed you so much.

Well, I've concluded this so far.
I think that when a woman studies sex, men get

threatened. You're probably right.
We've had instances here where the work has

had a negative effect on some of
the researchers' personal lives.

My life needed a little jolt.
They think in very specific images of sex, very

visual.
Yeah, I'm treating a woman, Stephanie.
26, an exhibitionist. Wish you

could get the two guys and her together.
Yeah, joint research.
Exactly. I'll tell you

what, you pitch to Ken.
Well, actually, he's got a lot riding on your project.

And, oh, it's apparently the board
really slammed him for okaying your study.

I know. How's it going?
Good. I'm beginning to think that voyeurism is just an

extension of what gets you off.
Okay, I have this sometimes boyfriend that I see.

Okay, I'll get back to that.
Okay. And when we make love,
he likes me to wear like a tank top or t-shirt so

that when we're making love,
my breasts are ****** and then eventually

they're just revealed.
Right. And that sort of thing turns him on.
Or I had this

boyfriend in high school who
just had this thing for my butt, you know.
And so

I'm thinking that voyeurism is just
these guys' preference of how they like to

experience sex.
Nothing more and nothing less.
Yeah, but you haven't taken into

account the moral or legal issues.
Well, you know, I like to isolate the sexual

behavior, you know, isolate the basic dynamic because,
I don't know, I don't

think there's a lot to be gained
by me judging the behavior.
Yeah, but I think

you gotta take a look at the behavior
in the context of society.
I don't think

there's really a right answer.

I don't have something there, but it is interesting.
Yeah, it is for sure. Bye. Bye.

So, thank you for coming.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.

My name's Steven. I'm a psychotherapist.
I have a very successful family practice.

I'm married. My wife Judy is a patent attorney.
I went to Golden State

University in Wittendell for my grad studies.
I run, work out, I collect fine

art, I enjoy antique pottery,
and I do work with the Special Olympics.

Why are you here?
I'm here because I want to have a better understanding of this

whole behavior I seem to be swept up in.

I think my life could be a good deal more relaxed if I can...

I don't know, control is the wrong word,
but I guess just have a better understanding of
why I'm doing what I'm doing.

It seems to be coming between Judy and I.
It's a real problem for us. For me.

Tell me about your first experience.

It all started on a Friday night.

My parents were out at the movie.

My brother Mark was downstairs with his girlfriend.

I've never seen that before.

I knew I shouldn't be looking.

It's a very strange feeling.

She was making love to me at the same time
Mark was making love to me.

And were there no other incidents?

Just one.

It was one night.

My brother and Kay were sitting at the dining room table.

became very excited.

so I could see her panties and then she smiled again.

To this day.

Whether it was the fact that it was a taboo
because it was my brother's girlfriend, but...

It still gets me so excited.

It's interesting how Stephen K,
even though he's a psychotherapist,
seems to be blind

when it comes to his own behavior.

I was particularly impressed by the strength of his memories.

He gets lost in them.

Voyeurism is this strictly visual,
therefore probably strictly male behavior.

It's a "safe" behavior because they don't
have to commit to another person on a daily

basis, on any meaningful level.

I had the dream set up in college.
Everyone there was pretty cool.
So I'd set up some

bathroom cams and I had three of them.
I put them in strategic locations.
I think I was

one of the first ones ever done actually.
I saw some incredible stuff.
I saw this girl

playing with herself.

and it was beautiful.

And what other incidents stand out for you?

I was at this party once and I showed this girl
some tape that I had shot of her playing

with herself.

She was kind of a freak because she liked it.

So I shot some of her...

What was it like looking at yourself on tape?

I don't know.

I mean, I didn't really think of it that way.

It wasn't...

You know, it actually wasn't...

It didn't quite work for me.

She knew she was being taped and it fucked up the whole thing.

So I told her that the cameras were busted and
I ended up getting the all-time best tape

anyhow.

(moaning)

It was incredible.

Don't worry.

And this young woman, do you see her?

Yeah, I see her from time to time.
She works in Tahoe as a ski instructor.

And in the summertime she works in Hawaii
as a waitress in some bar.

I'd be interested in maybe talking to her.

What, to see if I'm lying?

No, I just think it might be helpful for the interviews.

Yeah, sure, I've got her email address. Go ahead.

Great.

She's probably a bigger player than I am.

I liked seeing myself on the tape.

I liked that people were watching me.

I don't know, it was kind of like,
kind of like being in Hollywood or something.

It was almost like, it was kind of like being a star.

I mean, I figure I look this way for a reason, you know.

Should I feel bad that I did all of those things?

Because I don't.

Every once in a while I look at the tape.

He gave me a copy.

I'm just so young.

I see Christopher around sometimes.

I just can't believe I was with that jerk.

I mean, we never even did it.

Did what?

Well, we never had sex.

It's kind of weird.

I'm beginning to get it.
There's something incredibly powerful about
seeing someone's intimate acts, intimate moments.

one's own sexual gratification.

My last girlfriend, Della,
and I tried to incorporate my voyeurism into the relationship,

but it was less than satisfactory.

Meaning?

Got out of hand. I lost control. Not that I was ever in control.

What happened, Stephen?

I became obsessed with the idea

of watching Della show herself off in public.

I took her to this nudie bar, you know, the kind with amateur nights.

And at my urging, she entered the wet t-shirt contest.

It's extremely exciting for me seeing other men watching her. She kept looking

at me. That's crazy. I gave her the thumbs up and she went nuts.

She took off her t-shirt and exposed her breasts for all the guys.

It's chaos.

I became terribly excited. I began touching myself.

Della saw that and she started touching her tits and her breasts. I thought they

were gonna pull her off the stage.

They were yelling, "Take it off! Take it off!"

So she removed her pants and her panties.

Telling you about it makes me a little uncomfortable,
but being there, seeing it,

doing it, taking part of it, the high, the adrenaline rush, it was...

How how did that incident end?
She masturbated herself on stage and we had

simultaneous orgasms.
I just wanted to say that I really appreciate the

opportunity to come down here and talk about this part of my life.
When she um

the researcher called me at first ********* but then looking back on all that I

just thought if I came down here and talked about it that I might be able to

let it go.
I could see the guys in the crowd getting turned on by me.
It felt so

powerful. He was in the back.
I could see that he was masturbating.
Well how did

that make you feel?

Good. Would you do it again?

No.

It was all his idea.

Can't even believe I did it.

Everything was fine for a while.
Then, I really don't know how to describe it,
but it sort of builds up inside of me to have to do something.

Something with an edge. It's like taking a ****.
In any event, I asked Della to have sex with another man while I watched.

And Della did this willingly. Totally.

And how did it work?

I got two motel rooms right next to each other and
I set up a tiny video rig between the two rooms.

Look, we talked about this.
Everything's gonna be fine.

This is for me, baby.

Okay, I got the camera right here.
He's not gonna see anything.

You just act normal, okay?

Bella got dressed up very provocatively and
went down to the bar in the hotel room.

Thank you, baby.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

All right, let's do it.

A half an hour later she came back with this guy.

What did you say your name was?

Afterwards, after the guy left,
I went into the room.

Babe, that was incredible.
I came so hard.

What's wrong?

We never, truly ever recovered from that.

I thought it was going to be okay, but it wasn't.

I've come to think about my behavior as being addictive.

As I say I'm going to do one thing and
then I end up doing another.

I just feel like I've lost control.

It was a hard time in my life.

I kept trying to make it work.

I felt like I couldn't satisfy him.

I felt like it was my fault or something.

I think looking back on it now,
which is a hell of a lot easier than
trying to gain perspective in the middle of it,

I lost my self-respect.

I did things that I didn't think were right for me.

Desperate things to keep me and Steven together.

Then you didn't enjoy it.

I wouldn't say that.
It almost gave me permission to do things that I wouldn't

have normally done. I think about those days.

Has this been a work?

Yeah.
You know what's interesting is I found that
two out of the three men felt that no matter
how much sexual gratification they got from their voyeuristic experiences,
that voyeurism still had this oppressive hold on their lives.

They felt in the grips of it.
You know, they felt victims of it.
And so did the people in their relationships.

Well, maybe it's just those two guys.

Well, that's my universe.

My working theory is that the sexual visual procreation genes
were necessary for man's survival and not so much for women's.

And that's why voyeurism didn't develop so much in women.

That's a little far-reaching for a clinical observation, isn't it?

Of course, but you know,
I can't help but go there.
I'm open to anything.

You never seem to set anything in stone. I like that. I like your process.

Thanks.

Okay.

Bye.

Oh, by the way,
the man that's having the other man make love
to his girlfriend and getting off on it, it's interesting.

Yeah, it's interesting.

Do you think that's about his inadequacy?

No, I think it's about what turns him on.
Secrecy, sex altogether, you know.
I don't think it's necessarily pathological.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye-bye.

You know, I'm pretty much not into
talking about the voyeurism thing all night.

Okay, Michael, so we can talk about whatever rock star all night long,
but I talk about my work and...

you freak out.

You want to know if I'm a voyeur?
I'm not. Okay?
I mean I look at girls, okay?
Guys look at girls, that's the deal.

I just want a normal date, you know?
A nice dinner, some casual sex, on occasion. You know?

But until you're done with this project,
I think I'm shit out of luck.

You know what? I am starting a new project at a new job.
You think I'm under a little bit of pressure maybe?

Can you just give me some time, Michael? Please?

Yeah.

I think I'm just getting a little sketched about
you dealing with guy sex problems all day.

It's part of my job.

I know. And I know that you're totally cool about it.

But still...

What would you like me to do?

It's not you. It's me.

I just think that the best thing for the both of us
is to just give each other a little space.

What you need to do right now is
this study without me being all over you.

You know what, this is just,
we're just going through something, just...

I love you. I love you.

I'll call you.

I just, I feel so unprofessional.

There's no reason to be so hard on yourself.

I know, it's just, it's affecting my everything.

It's affecting everything.

I think about sex, I've driven Michael completely away.

I just, I feel obsessed.

Why are you being so tough on yourself?

I'm changing.

You know, I'm learning about myself.

I'm discovering new parts of myself and experiencing new things.

Michael's treading water.

And you don't want to bring him down where you can't breathe.

Right.

Does this work affect you?

Yeah, how can it not? I mean, God.

It's a matter of finding a balance, like having an outlet, or other interests.

And we should continue talking, because the movie's...

We should make a point of it, huh?

Okay.

Thank you. Next time I get this way, just hose me off and send me on my way, okay?

You're doing all right, ***. You're doing great.

So I ended up buying a high-end video camera.

And I would start sneaking shots,
and then I would take them home and edit them.

Where would you shoot?

Out of my van, handheld, beaches, malls, anywhere really.

All I had to do was look like a tourist.

So that's the great thing about California,
is that the women here are already half naked.

And it's that half of half naked that's the key.

Meaning?

Meaning that a woman who is partially dressed and
revealed is a lot more sexier than a woman who's completely naked.

Being in public, sneak shooting is a turn-on by itself.

You ever shoot with a hard-on?

I would take home these images ****** from life and watch them.

Yes, I would masturbate.

Anything else?

No, that's it. Thank you.

Great, thanks to you.

Yeah, we'll see you on Friday.

Okay.

I'll take that from you.
Thanks.

Alright.

Okay.

Last time we talked,
I asked you to try to bring some intimacy into your voyeurism, some

humanity.

What did you come up with?

I hired an e*****. *********.
Whatever you want to call her.

Go on.

I took a hotel room.

Right, see the money?

Oh, sure.

(sizzling)

No, no, um, I just want you to stand here.

Right here.

And I want you to take your clothes off slowly.

I have a camera over here.

Oh, well, you didn't pay me enough money to take my clothes off.

No, no, no, no, no,
I, um, I don't have any film in it.

You just want me to stand here?

Take off your clothes.

Slowly.

Slowly.

Slowly, slowly.

Nice and slow.

So you like tits?

Yep.

Do you like asses?

Uh-huh.

Why don't you come over here?

I don't think you should worry about me.

Do you want me to keep taking my clothes off?

No, don't touch me. No.

Get back here.

So you just like to watch?

Why don't you take your panties off?

That's it, nice and slow.

You're making me really hot.

Oh yeah.

Well, isn't that what you wanted, to take pictures of me?

Yeah, but you said you just wanted to take pictures, right?

Aren't you happy?

No, no, no, no, don't touch me.

Okay.

Thank you, that was great.

Thanks, baby.

Thank you.

So what was it like when she touched you?

I didn't see her because I was looking through the camera.

So when she touched me I was completely surprised.

Because it's not about that, you know,
it's about watching and getting off afterwards.

Remembering what it looked like and bringing up all the little details.

So her touching me made it something else.

And so did the reality of your experience,
did it live up to your expectations?

Oh yeah, yeah, it was expensive, but hey,
we're here for a short trip, you know what I'm saying?

So did it not matter to you that what you were looking at was set up,
that they were bought images, that it wasn't real?

Real?

Well, that they were staged, that they weren't reality.

It was real enough.

Hopefully you can use their voyeur skills and apply them to their therapy.

Skills?

Skills, patterns, behaviors, call them what you want,

but use them as a tool to bridge the emotional blocks
they're having with trying to have a "normal" sex life with their partners.

Okay, are you going to make suggestions specific
to each subject or more generalized applications?

No, this time I want to be specific and then hopefully later
we'll have somewhat of a track record and we can go further with it.

Okay then, here we go.

Here we go.

That'll be excellent.

Yeah, I think we're doing fine.

What do you say?

Hi! How's it going?
It's going so good. This is so fascinating, you know?

Good. Well, if you need anything,
anything I can do to help you, let me know.
Okay. Okay, thank you.

I'm a little nervous being here. I know that.
This is gonna be good for us.
What we're hoping to do is

re-divert Stephen's sexual energy into his relationship with you.
Sounds right.

So what I'm gonna want the two of you to do is I'm gonna want you to use some

strategies that will enable this process.
I'm sorry, the part I'm not sure I'm

comfortable with is doing with the cameras.
All right I understand. Well we do

that purely for clinical purposes.
There will be no way anyone can identify you

and no one will be watching.
We simply turn on the camera and leave, okay?

In addition, we use video fuzz blocks so that
all identities will be kept ****** and we

do that right here in-house so
you can be assured there will be no gap in

security, okay? Thank you.
You're welcome. Makes me feel a little better.
Lisa and I have also

spoken with Stephen about some techniques
that might be helpful and I

thought that maybe it'd be best
if you just be spontaneous, okay?

Hey baby, why don't you stand by the bed?

It's exciting.

You're so beautiful.

I'd love it if you'd take your clothes off.

I love watching you.

I'm doing okay.

You're doing great.

No, I think it's good.
I think the case is going to work out really...

Oh, I'll just be a minute.

Um, I'll call you back in about 15.

I have mixed feelings about what I did here with Steven.

Yes, it was trying to help him.
But what about me? I feel as if we're shaping our

relationship to satisfy his particular needs.
The question is how do we strike

an even balance with all this?
It can't just be his way.
When are my needs going

to be met? Well, what are your needs?

I'm not sure that's something I want to share.

Um, so tell me about your experience here.
Did you, did you enjoy it?

I don't think I want to continue.
I'm sorry, um, it's okay I just, uh, hang on just a moment Judy.
Judy, it's okay.

Look, I came in here because I want to pull out of this whole thing.

Oh. Why?

Because I feel like I've gotten all that I can get.

And I just wanted to tell you in person.

Well, Christopher, thank you.
I mean you've been a terrific subject.
You really have.

So, um, how will you look back on all of this?

Well, look, I lived my life as a warrior, okay?
I always have. I've always just done it.

But I don't often get a chance to speak with
someone intelligent like yourself about it.

And I'm very grateful to you for that.
It's been very helpful. Thank you.

And your future?

My future? Well, I'm going for it, you know?
I'm an escrow in this small apartment building.

It's got 15 units.
I'm completely outfitted with optical fibers, surveillance cameras.

Look, nobody's getting hurt, okay?
It's for my benefit alone.
There's no harm, there's no foul.

Well, besides the fact that it's *******, I have to ask you why.

Because I've come to realize that my life as a warrior makes me happy.
It's totally sexually satisfying.

So you're just gonna manage these apartments for your life then, huh?

The rest of your life.

Look, I'm gonna be the guy who decides who stays and who goes, okay?
I mean I

could have college girls in one apartment building, I could have lesbians

in another.
You know, I'm gonna have some real variety here.

I mean, come on, I'm set for life.

Set for life? Yeah.

Well? Who's getting hurt?
Who's getting hurt?
Nobody. I'm not hurting anybody, I'm

you know, I'm just uh, I'm just having a little bit of uh,
you know what I'm doing?

I'm giving blood to my fantasies.

There's nothing wrong with that, right?

It was great.

The use of those visual techniques,

the distance between us,

framing the image as much as the reality,

the mirrors,

playing to the image.

They worked really great.

Thank you.

I sense some hesitation.

Well,

it's like anything else.

When we pay attention to it, we do it really well.

But three months from now,

when Judy and I are both very busy,

will it be enough?

You know, with voyeurism it's enough.
It's only me and each time I'm satisfied.

Well, I think you need to take that energy that
you have in your voyeuristic life, and it's a lot of energy,

and you need to redirect it
into your intimate relationship with Judy.

That's the thing, isn't it?
I mean, finally getting to the core issue.

Am I willing to put the energy into Judy that
I put into being a voyeur?

Spells it out, doesn't it?

It sure does.

I've decided I'm going to quit being a warrior.

Because?

I'm preoccupied with it.

And there's so much time spent searching for voyeuristic ops, waiting.

It's clear to me that I can't have a serious relationship with anyone.

So I'm going to quit.

Totally.

Totally.

That's very brave of you.

I don't think I have a choice.

I don't know if I want to have a lasting relationship with a woman.

Well, I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks. It's been interesting.

Yeah, thank you.

Well, I pretty much stopped doing what I used to do.

And I've been dating a woman, Talia,
for the last five months.

And we're having a really good time.

Sex is a little weird, you know,
another person and everything, but it's really good.

Everything went fine with Judy and I for a while.

I mean, I really didn't do any voyeur stuff at all.

Occasionally I went up on some internet sites.

They were pretty amazing.

Then things sort of petered out with Judy.

I don't know.

I don't know what happened really.

We stopped having sex.

It was fucked.

Then we went to couples therapy and that sucked.

Then we started working at it again.

And it's good now.

It really is.

It takes a lot of work.

So much work.

I'm happy now.

Alright, this is Christopher,
I'm in Lompoc State Penal Facility.

I'm here for 7,5 to *******s for invasion of privacy, mental distress,
and a whole lot of other trumped up bullshit charges.

Short strokes, I got busted.

And it fucking sucks.

That night when I saw that menage a trois,
it was a watershed event in my life.

From that moment, I became a voyeur.

An obsessed voyeur.

Suddenly my life...
I just focused on finding situations where I could...
where I

could *** on people and... and masturbate.

I tried to have a normal relationship with this guy,
this terrific guy named Richard.

I couldn't do it. It wouldn't work.
My mind was with my telescope or driving around.

I would find hotel rooms that had...

that had apartments across the street so that...

so that I could set up my telescope.

And then one day I was cruising in Beverly Hills adjacent.
I had a lot of

luck there. I came up with my own system.
I'd shoot with a digital camera and then

I put them up on my computer.
It delayed the sexual satisfaction.
It

extended the exquisite tension.

And I could see.
I could see into a bedroom.
A man was handcuffing a naked

woman's wrists to a bedpost and
he was putting a blindfold on her.

This was the most exciting thing that I had ever seen.

Almost getting caught scared me.

It scared me a lot.

So I went into therapy and stopped being a voyeur.

Totally.

I figured I was happy before the whole thing,
so why couldn't I be happy again?

I knew what Stephen K meant when he said addiction.

There's nothing inherently wrong with being a voyeur,
as long as there are no victims,

as long as your life is in proper balance.

But I went a little overboard, to say the least.

I've been dating. He's a terrific guy.
It's been going really well.
I'm not gonna say

that I don't miss the rush,
but it's an even better rush being in a loving relationship.