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I gotta get up early in the morning.

You don't want to stay the night?

John, can you help me zip this up?

Nothing personal. You are a decent lay.

I'll let myself out.

Shut up, dude.

What happened to that hottie you brought here last night?

Usual.

And then she left.

Nailed and bailed, huh?

Yeah.

God, you are such a pig.

Whatever, you just don't get it.

I'm just happy for the guy.

Yeah, right.

Good one.

She didn't even know my name.

Remember when I used to wake up next to chicks and not know their name?

Sometimes you forget my name.

Of course, you didn't stay the night.

Yeah, exactly.

So, what are you bitching about?

Because I'm sick of these one -night stands.

Like, how often is this going to happen? It's like, it's a total spiral I keep

going down.

I don't know, I want a girl I can actually hang out with. A girl, you

can play video games with.

You don't even play video games.

Yeah, Vicky.

Besides the point, uh... Like, this isn't...

This is going to sound really naive, but... I don't know, it's not like I'm

there looking for, you know, the one.

Like, I don't know, I guess I'm looking, but... I'm not really expecting to find

her. I don't know.

Well, maybe if you stop looking in dive bars?

Um, well, that's the only place I'm comfortable talking to girls. I mean,

get a few drinks in me, and I'm loosening up, and I'm never going to see

again, so I can say anything, and I'm not going to mess it up.

You know?

When it comes to a girl, you know, you really want to spend time with. It's

something different.

You know what it is? I freeze up. I get nervous. I start sweating. You know, I'm

afraid I'm going to do the wrong thing, say the wrong thing, just make the whole

thing awkward and just ruin the whole moment. Epic fail, bro.

Epic fail.

You just got to get out of that comfort zone you're in, man.

I get out of my comfort zone?

Yeah. This is coming from the guy who hasn't put on a pair of pants in two

months. Shut up, you.

You don't even know how hard it is to live this lifestyle.

Oh, my God. I'm sure it's so difficult.

I'm sure it'd be a lot more difficult if you didn't have a bunch of rich, dead

relatives. Hey.

Just because he's willfully unemployed does not mean he doesn't work hard.

He's dating me.

Damn straight.

We're going to find you a girl, David.

Don't strain yourself.

Hey.

What about the neighbor?

You know, the one with the cute dog, the one that David has a crush on?

I'm right here.

Oh, wait. Well, not the dog.

The girl. I think she ground that up.

Yeah, I got that.

Never mind.

Hey, David.

Hmm? Will you go get the newspaper?

Will you go get the newspaper? Because I don't want to miss this level. It's

level 30, and we're going to get wings.

Will you go get it?

Ugh.

I'm... Please.

Anything else?

The paper.

Bud?

Bud? Bud, where are you?

Hi.

Walking your dog, huh?

More like he's walking me.

Hi, I'm Jen.

I'm John.

I'm David. My name's David.

Right.

Guess I'll see you around then, David.

Yeah.

See you. See you around.

Yeah.

I'm John.

I was wrong.

Hey Meg, I was just thinking about calling you.

Oh my god, me too!

And then I did, because I know exactly what you need right now.

Retail therapy!

I'm not going shopping.

Why not?

I thought you said you moved to LA to stop moping around and get on with your

life. That and, you know, to be close to me, my awesomeness, and the whole

moving on thing too.

Whatever. So you ready? You wanna go?

I have too much unpacking to do.

I just talked to someone, a neighbor, and we had a perfectly normal

conversation. Perfectly normal, so there's nothing to worry about.

Okay, seriously, Jen, you need new clothes.

I didn't want to be mean about it, but your stuff is, like, from eons ago, and

it's kind of getting embarrassing.

Have you seriously not been shopping since you've been single?

Fine. I'll go.

Great. Okay, if Roger comes, too?

Sure. Awesome. See you in a bit.

Hey girl, you ready to go yet?

We just got off the phone.

I'll go get my tooth.

She must think the world waits for her.

Some people can be so inconsiderate.

Hey doggy.

Ready to go?

Um, this is way too close to pastels, and these were on their way out five

minutes ago.

No one wears this blend of cotton and rayon anymore.

They just don't.

Come on, let's go.

Do you see me in your crosshairs?

Not right now.

What are you doing out here, little buddy?

Come here.

Look at you.

Let's go inside.

Stop!

Check it out.

They're going to find my backyard.

Oh, it's a puppy.

Let me see him.

Hi.

Hi.

What an angel.

Seriously? Get back over here. We're almost to the next day point.

I love you.

What's his name?

His name is Buzz.

Hi, Buzz.

Hey, this is that girl's dog, huh?

Mm -hmm.

Come on, come on. Get back in the game.

Team Omega's not going to wait all day.

Oh, I love you all.

Isn't he cute? Isn't he sweet? Oh, come on.

Isn't he sweet?

You really think this thing is cute?

My ovaries are just throbbing. I love him so much.

Okay, yeah. It's time to go, buddy.

Hey, wait a minute, man.

You know what you can do?

Oh, God, what's that?

You want to get to know that girl, right?

Yeah. Well, instead of bringing this guy back right away, how about you keep him

and offer to help her find him? Wow, that is terrible. That way, when you

him back in a few days, you're a hero.

That is terrible.

That's one of the worst ideas I've ever heard.

I don't know about that.

Remember peanut butter chili fries?

No, dude, no.

Come here. Come here. Bye, baby.

That's hilarious.

Get away from this crazy talk.

Peanut butter chili fries were pretty bad.

Looks like you're gonna be staying with me tonight.

At least for a little while.

Don't look all excited or anything.

Let's go.

You won't know.

I'm not doing it.

Fonz, this isn't funny.

Fonzly, where are you?

Boss is gone.

I've looked all over the house, in the backyard, everywhere. I can't find him.

What?

Oh, honey, do you want us to circle back?

No, it's okay.

I'll go ask the neighbors, I guess.

Well, if you don't find him, I'll help you post flyers. I'll even design them

for you.

What are you doing?

Hey, dude.

Dude,

it's Jen. What? Jen.

Dude. Remember the plan, dude.

Steve. Steve.

Hey, what's up, Jen?

What are you doing with this?

My boss, Lee, he's gone. I've been going around asking all the neighbors, and

nobody's seen him.

Okay, well, you know, calm down.

Everything's going to be okay. No, it's not okay. He's not just my baby. He's a

valuable dog, and somebody might have kidnapped him. I mean, but still, he's

a puppy anymore, but he's only four.

But in dog years, that's like late 20s.

Oh my gosh, I don't know what I'm gonna do. Jennifer, I, uh... What?

Uh, what?

What?

What? What is it? I can, uh, if you want, I can totally, uh, yeah, help you

Finding the Bosley, the dog.

Yeah, put flyers, you know, ask around the neighborhood, you know.

Do you want me to try to help you find him? I can help.

What do you think?

Late modernism, I'd say.

Cubism crushed with abstract expressionism.

Just a hint of ransom note.

It's a poster for Jen's missing dog.

Ah, a contextual narrative.

So it's a commentary on the desperate plight of the lost dogs in all of us.

did you think of it?

Jen's dog is really missing.

Oh, a real -time inspiration?

No, I mean, see Aspen makes these posters to post around town.

What? What is so funny?

Well, for starters, the info is barely legible, and that drawing looks nothing

like Jen's dog.

I want it to catch people's attention.

People will see it and try to read it.

Some of them will have seen Jen's dog, and one of them will call her.

Jen's going to love.

Shut up!

What do you know?

You're an elitist arsehole. Art snob who can't appreciate art unless you fit it

into one of your isms. Says the post -tyronic bohemian whose frivolous

is keeping him from... Oh, says the post -tyronic bohemian whose frivolous

frantic is keeping him from... Oh, real mature Meg. Oh, real mature Meg.

You see, when you resort to this, I win.

I win.

Okay, you win. Okay, I win.

That's it.

Last one.

Just like that.

Woo.

Oof.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah

Look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.

So, um, is Boswick really important to you?

Yeah.

He's everything.

He's the only one that's ever been loyal.

He's never lied to me, never cheated on me.

God, I sound neurotic.

It's just, after the divorce, it was tough.

I moved out here to get away from everybody.

Everybody except for Meg.

You can't ever get away from Meg.

Well, I mean, have you been, like, dating anybody?

No.

And don't ask me why not.

If one more person asks me, I swear I'm going to scream.

Understood.

But why not? Because I feel like you use merchandise.

You use merchandise? You don't have to use merchandise.

And most you're experienced.

Okay, that might not sound right, but you know what I mean.

My friend Meg says I have guilt issues.

But until I learn to forgive others, I won't ever forgive myself.

But she says a lot of things.

She's crazy.

Anyways, enough about me.

What's your story?

My story?

Well, I can sum that up in about 12 words.

I was born, I work in a cubicle, and one

day I'll die.

Minus the and, because I'll make it 13.

True romantic.

But seriously, though, no family, no kids, no dreams.

I've got dreams.

But the whole family thing, you know, it just starts off with, you know, like,

meeting a nice girl, you know, meeting the right girl or whatever.

I'm just not very good at that, this whole talking to girls, meeting girls

thing.

Or maybe, you know, it's just I haven't met the right girl yet.

That's sweet.

Assuming it's not just a come on.

Well, it's not just a come on.

Weak. That was so weak.

But I really do envy you.

I had a dream once.

For two years.

Felt like I was failing.

Trying to grab onto something solid.

But that's what kept me together.

Nope.

Looks like it's getting a little later.

Sun's starting to go down.

Think you... Maybe we should call it a night, maybe?

You think?

I mean, he's not supposed to be by himself after dark.

Well, I'm sure he's fine. I mean, it's not like... I'm sure somebody's found

by now.

Probably wandered into somebody's backyard, and he's just, you know,

in a blanket somewhere.

You know, he's probably just had a full belly of food, and he's ready to go to

sleep.

You know what? Here, look.

Let's just make some flyers tomorrow.

Let's meet up and, I don't know, have coffee or something, and then we'll

putting them up around the neighborhood.

I'd like that.

Yeah? All right.

Thanks.

Yeah.

See you tomorrow.

I drew Buzz as a character to exaggerate his features, make him a little bit

cuter. You know, people are more likely to return cute dogs than ugly dogs. I

mean, like, wow, what happened to that dog to make him so ugly and would I

really want to return him to his owner?

What are you talking about?

You can't even read it.

I made my own posters, and David, my neighbor, is going to help me post them

around the neighborhood.

I told you I was making them.

Right. Well,

I knew yours would be better.

So I figured that you could post them downtown, where more people can see

And then I'll just post the boring, ugly ones around the neighborhood.

Brilliant! We'll find Boz in no time!

Did I just kill you?

You did not.

But nice try.

I'm gonna kill you right now, though.

In your feet!

That's how I do it.

Whatever. Something's wrong with this level. It's lagging or something.

Oh, okay. It's lagging. That's why I just blasted your face.

Are you going to cry about it, Halo champion?

Oh, are you going to give me some tears?

Are you going to give me the third place tears?

You know it was second place. Don't give me that crap.

On a technicality.

That's not, I mean. Whatever, I'll show you a technicality. No, don't poke me. I

hate it.

It's her at the door. We gotta go.

Hide the dog.

Hide the dog. Hide the dog.

Hey.

Hi. Ready to go on the path of the employer?

Yep. Um, can I use your bathroom first, actually?

Yeah, definitely.

Straight back here.

Oh.

Steve, my roommate.

Good to meet you.

I know, right?

Straight back.

Dude, I had boss in the room right next to the bathroom.

What? Why would you do that?

Hey. Hey. Got any TV?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, we have toilet paper. Um, it, uh, it should be under, it should be under

the sink.

Gotcha. Thanks.

Do you have a dog?

No. Why?

Oh, nothing. The bathroom just smells a little funny.

Oh. Yeah.

No, that's residual body odor.

That is, my roommate has this condition where if you sweat, it smells like wet

dog.

It's gross.

It's true.

It's true.

She said so too. Oh.

Wait, you ready to go?

Yeah, you got your, you did your flyer, yeah.

See you guys. See you later.

Later.

Now where were we?

I think we were at level three, third base.

Baseline.

They just talk too much.

You think so?

I need to learn to shut up.

Just shut the fuck up.

Are you being proactive?

What did it

take to get you off

this couch, huh?

I don't know.

Oh, I got you off the couch.

Really tight.

Yes. Worship me.

them out and feed them to me.

Those pretty eyes while you suck it.

It's so romantic.

Yeah, you look so fucking good with that. It's romantic when I suck your

I'm

trying

to put it deep in my mouth.

You good?

I'm going to tell her about the dog.

I can't let this go any longer. What?

You can't quit now.

Dude, this is wrong. I like her so much and I'm lying to her about the only

thing that got her talking to me in the first place.

I really like this chick.

Good for you, Dave.

Just give me the dog. Come on, boss. It's time to go home.

I can't let you do that, Dave.

Come on, seriously.

But seriously, what are you going to do? What are you going to say to her? Like,

oh, here's your dog that I've been hiding from you for a few days while I

you find it.

Like, how is she going to take that? Like, how do you think that's going to

work? Good luck with that, bro.

You know, I knew you were a good guy when I met you.

Yeah?

Yeah. How'd you know that?

Because Boz liked you.

Boz only likes good people.

He hated my eggs.

Even though he was a Christmas present from the bastard.

You know, I'm not really that good of a guy.

You're right.

You're a great guy.

What's that?

What is this?

Hey, Jen.

We forgot to tell you that just like an hour ago, a couple blocks away, we

found... I was wandering around, and we thought... Dave.

Dave, it's over. Just forget about it.

Okay. You?

You were the one that took my dog?

It wasn't like that.

He wandered into our yard, and... And you let me believe that he was missing

while you helped me look? Look, it's not like that. I mean, I was just trying

to... What kind of person does that?

Bad one. I don't know.

What's wrong with you?

Oh.

All of you.

You're all deranged.

Don't ever contact me again.

Game over, dude.

Of course you should be angry, Jen.

Furious.

I know, but the anger always turns into guilt.

Guilt?

Roger, I can't expect you to understand.

Maybe Jen feels guilty for yelling at David.

I mean, you have to admit, what he did was pretty cute.

If you think so, she's perhaps a cute.

Look, he turned out to be a great guy, right? And no harm came to Boz.

And you said it yourself, Buzz liked him, right?

You realize how crazy that sounds, right?

You're saying that she should go by what the dog thinks?

And this guy lied to you from the very beginning you met him. I mean, what kind

of relationship are you supposed to build out of that?

David?

David?

David, you need to go outside.

You need to get out of the house because your self -pity is stinking up the

place. I can't.

I'm not with Steve.

Damn straight.

No. You need to go out tonight because I need to air out this house because it

reeks of depression.

Get up. Get out of the house.

Sissy's there.

Ooh!

That's right.

Do you come here often?

What?

I said, do you come here often? I've never seen you here before.

What? I haven't seen you here.

Do you come here often?

You're not going to remember my name, are you?

My name's David.

Taylor?

David.

Taylor.

Yeah.

Yeah, my name's Taylor.

What are you drinking?

Hey, Jen.

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, just give me two minutes, okay?

And you'll never have to deal with us again.

What do you want?

I think you have the wrong idea about what happened.

I think I understand perfectly well what's going on.

I don't think you do.

Dave has had a crush on you since you moved into the neighborhood, okay?

And he is so shy.

I had to trick him into talking to you last Saturday.

Okay, what I'm trying to say is this was all Steve's idea.

Okay, Dave found Boz in the backyard.

I don't know how he got there, but he returned him to your house and you

there.

So we brought him back to our house and Steve came up with this idea and Dave

thought it was stupid because it is stupid because Steve's really stupid.

And he just got mixed up in it.

I don't care whose idea it was. He still lied to me.

I know, but he tried to tell you.

But he didn't.

Okay, he's a moron. He's a moron. He is, okay?

But he's not as big of a moron as you think he is, okay?

It really hurt him to lie to you.

So what? He sent you over here to beg for my forgiveness?

No. He doesn't even know I'm here.

But would you forgive him if he did?

Would you forgive him?

Jen. You're two minutes around. Jen. No. Hey, hey.

We could totally play D &D together sometime.

You wanna play fetch?

Come on.

Let's go.

You okay?

I'm going to get out of here.

Ow.

I miss you too.

But don't think that this means all is forgiven.

I wouldn't.

Because what you did is pretty terrible.

Yeah.

Look, I don't even know where to start with the apology.

You already have.

I'm the one that's been holding back.

So...

I'm sorry.

But I still resent you for having to forgive you.

Well, I'm sorry.

Thank you?

Yeah.

Somewhere in there.

Okay.

Thank you.