Original subtitles

♪ GREEN ACRES IS THE PLACE TO BE ♪

♪ FARM LIVIN' IS THE LIFE FOR ME ♪

♪ LAND SPREADIN' OUT SO FAR AND WIDE ♪

♪ KEEP MANHATTAN, JUST GIVE ME THAT COUNTRYSIDE ♪

♪ NEW YORK IS WHERE I'D RATHER STAY ♪

♪ I GET ALLERGIC SMELLING HAY ♪

♪ I JUST ADORE A PENTHOUSE VIEW ♪

♪ DARLING, I LOVE YOU, BUT GIVE ME PARK AVENUE ♪

♪ THE CHORES ♪

♪ THE STORES ♪

♪ FRESH AIR ♪

♪ TIMES SQUARE ♪

♪ YOU ARE MY WIFE ♪

♪ GOODBYE, CITY LIFE ♪

♪ GREEN ACRES, WE ARE THERE ♪

DID YOU FIND IT?

NO, I HAVEN'T GOT THE TRAP OFF.

WHAT'S A TRAP-OFF?

NOT A TRAP-OFF, IT'S JUST A TRAP THAT'S PART OF THE DRAIN.

HAND ME THE WRENCH.

THERE.

THAT'S NOT A WRENCH, THAT'S A SCREWDRIVER.

WELL, WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

YOU USE A SCREWDRIVER TO SCREW SCREWS,

YOU NEED A WRENCH TO TAKE THE BOLTS OFF.

WHAT'S A BOLTS-OFF?

LISA, PLEASE.

BUT I...

LOOK, I DIDN'T DROP MY RING DOWN THE DRAIN.

WHY ARE YOU THROWING THAT UP TO ME?

BECAUSE YOU DID!

WELL, WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

ALL I DID WAS ASK YOU WHAT'S A BOLTS-OFF.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING.

WELL, WHY DID YOU ASK ME TO HAND IT TO YOU?

LISA,

WILL YOU FIND SOMETHING TO DO AND LET ME GET THIS DRAIN OFF?

WHAT'S A DRAIN-OFF?

IT'S PART OF THE SINK THAT'S ATTACHED TO THE TRAP-OFF!

HAVE YOU GOT SOMETHING TO DO?

NO.

WELL THEN WHY AREN'T YOU DOING IT?

SHUT THE WATER OFF!

WHICH ONE IS THE WATER-OFF?

OH, FOR...

OH, DARLING, YOU WON'T NEED THE BOLTS-OFF

BECAUSE THE WATER-OFF GOT THE TRAP-OFF OFF.

FOR CRYING OUT...

WELL, YOU TOLD ME TO DO SOMETHING,

SO I THOUGHT I'D WASH THE DISHES.

IS MY RING IN THERE?

I'M LOOKING FOR IT.

WELL, THAT ISN'T IT.

IT WAS ROUND AND IT HAD DIAMONDS IN IT.

HOW DID A SCARF GET IN HERE?

WELL, ONE DAY, I LOST THE STINK SOPPER.

THE WHAT?

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE STINK SOPPER

WHICH STOPS THE WATER FROM RUNNING DOWN.

THE SINK STIPPER... THE STIP STINK...

THE STOP... THE STOP STINKER.

YES, SO I STUFFED THE SCARF DOWN THERE

TO KEEP THE WATER FROM RUNNING DOWN.

LISA, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO...

A HIGH HEEL?

YES. I USED MY SHOE TO HAMMER THE SCARF DOWN IN AND IT FELL OFF.

LISA, DON'T...

IS THE REST OF MY SHOE IN THERE?

NO, AND I... NEITHER IS THE RING.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WERE WEARING IT?

POSITIVE. IT WAS ON MY LEFT FOOT.

NO, NO, I MEAN THE RING.

YES, THIS MORNING WHEN I WOKE UP,

THE FIRST THING I DID, I PUT IT ON THIS FINGER.

NOW THE RING IS GONE,

BUT THE FINGER IS STILL THERE.

SO THAT PROVES IT.

OH, BOY. I SHOULD HAVE MARRIED THAT...

HI. WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

OH, I JUST TOOK THE TRAP OFF.

WHAT'S A TRAP-OFF?

EB.

CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF MILK?

MAY I HAVE A GLASS OF MILK?

IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME IF IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH MRS. DOUGLAS.

HELP YOURSELF. THANKS.

THERE'S NO MILK IN HERE!

JUST A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, SOME COTTAGE CHEESE, AND A DIAMOND RING.

A DIAM...

WHAT'S IT DOING IN THE REFRIGERATOR?

OH, NOW I REMEMBER.

THIS MORNING WHEN I WAS DOING DISHES,

I TOOK IT OFF MY FINGER AND I PUT IT IN THE REFRIGERATOR,

SO IT WOULDN'T FALL DOWN IN THE DRAIN-OFF.

LISA!

WELL, IT DIDN'T.

WHAT A RING!

IT'S LIKE A GOLF BALL WITH SEQUINS.

I'VE NEVER SEEN A RING LIKE THAT.

EVEN IN THE CHRISTMAS EDITION OF THE MAIL-ORDER CATALOG

WHEN THEY HAVE ALL KINDS OF FANCY JUNK.

JUNK?

THIS IS THE ONLY RING OF ITS KIND.

AND IT WOULDN'T BE THAT

IF MY FATHER HADN'T SCHMUGGLED IT BY THE NAZIS

IN A JAR OF CHICKEN'S FAT.

YES, YES.

WELL, WE'VE HEARD THE STORY SEVERAL TIMES.

WELL, THAT ISN'T THE WHOLE STORY.

BEFORE IT WAS IN CHICKEN'S FAT,

DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT WAS?

I'M AFRAID TO ASK.

I AIN'T. WHERE WAS IT?

IT WAS ON THE FINGER OF MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER

WHO WAS ALSO KNOWN AS THE QUEEN OF THE GYPSIES.

GOLLY, MOTHER DOUGLAS.

HAVE YOU GOT GYPSY BLOOD IN YOUR VEINS?

OH, SURE. WHEN I FIRST MET HER SHE WAS TELLING FORTUNES

IN AN EMPTY FISH STORE ON 3RD AVENUE.

OLIVER!

LISA, WHY'D YOU TELL HIM A STORY LIKE THAT?

"QUEEN OF THE GYPSIES."

BECAUSE SHE WAS.

DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT, MR. DOUGLAS?

NO, THIS IS ALL NEW TO ME.

BUT THEN MOTHER DOUGLAS IS ALWAYS FULL OF SURPRISES.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THE STORY OF THIS RING?

NOT PARTICULARLY.

I WOULD.

EB!

WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN WORKING.

WELL, MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER, THE GYPSY, MARRIED AN AMERICAN.

THAT'S WHY I MARRIED YOU.

WHAT?

IT'S THE LAW OF THE TRIBE

THAT EVERY 4TH GENERATION MUST MARRY AN AMERICAN

OTHERWISE YOU LOSE THE CUSTODY OF THE RING.

OR THE AMERICAN.

WHICHEVER ONE COMES LAST.

OH! SO YOU MARRIED ME TO GET THE RING?

WELL, IT WAS ONE OF THE REASONS.

WELL, THANK YOU.

THE OTHER REASON WAS THAT YOU WERE ALWAYS SO NICE AND CLEAN.

YES, I KIND OF...

YOU NEVER GOT DIRTY EVEN WHEN YOU WERE PLAYING CRICKET.

I NEVER PLAYED CRICKET.

WILL YOU LET ME TELL THE STORY?

GO AHEAD.

WELL, IT ALL STARTED IN THE SOUTH OF HUNGARY

WHERE MY GREAT- GREAT-GRANDFATHER

WHO WASN'T SO GREAT YET

WAS SITTING UNDER A TREE

WELL, HOW DO YOU DO?

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

OVER THERE IN THE WOODS.

OH, YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.

NO, I WAS READING YOUR HUNGARIAN SUBTITLES

BUT YOU'RE SPEAKING ENGLISH.

OH! YOU'RE THE FIRST FELLOW WHO TOLD ME THAT.

YOU MUST BE AN AMERICAN.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

YOU'RE SO NICE AND CLEAN.

WELL, I...

DON'T YOU EVER GET DIRTY, EVEN WHEN YOU PLAY CRICKET?

I DON'T PLAY CRICKET.

WELL, THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WELL, I'M ON A TRAMPING TRIP THROUGH EUROPE.

OH! LOOKING FOR TRAMPS?

NO, I'M... I'M TAKING A WALKING TOUR THROUGH EUROPE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET MY FOLKS HERE.

WHAT'S A "FOLKS HERE"?

NO, IT'S NOT A...

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M WITH THE GYPSIES.

OH, I NEVER MET A GYPSY BEFORE.

DIDN'T YOU EVER HAVE YOUR FORTUNE TOLD

IN AN EMPTY STALL ON 3RD AVENUE?

NO, BUT MY NAME IS CORNELIUS REINHOLT.

WHAT'S YOURS?

LASTVOGEL.

OH, WELL, MISS LASTVOGEL...

NO, NO, LASTVOGEL IS MY FIRST NAME.

WELL, THEN SHOULDN'T IT BE FIRSTVOGEL?

OH BOY, THE TOURIST SEASON HAS STARTED.

MY WHOLE NAME IS LASTVOGEL GRONYITZ.

WELL I DIDN'T MEAN...

BUT EVERYBODY CALLS ME LINDA. THAT'S A NICKNAME FOR LASTVOGEL.

WHY WOULD THEY... BUT THERE IS NO NICKNAME FOR GRONYITZ.

ONCE YOU ARE A GRONYITZ, YOU'RE ALWAYS A GRONYITZ. BUT I DIDN'T...

THERE IS NO ESCAPING FROM THAT. I CAN UNDER...

LASTVOGEL, YES. BUT GRONYITZ, NO. PLEASE, I DIDN'T MEAN...

BUT I CAN'T STAND HERE TALKING TO YOU. BYE.

OH, NO... NO... NO, WAIT. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

I GOT TO STEAL SOMETHING.

WHAT?

TODAY I'M TAKING MY GYPSY TEST.

YOUR GYPSY TEST?

YES. IF I STEAL SOMETHING GOOD, I CAN BECOME A BOY.

I DON'T QUITE FOLLOW YOU.

WELL, IT'S THE LAW OF THE TRIBE.

IF YOU STEAL SOMETHING GOOD, YOU BECOME A BOY.

OTHERWISE, YOU HAVE TO STAY A GIRL.

AND HAVE TO DO ALL THE WORK

WHILE THE BOYS JUST LIE AROUND AND STEAL.

WHICH IS A PRETTY GOOD LIFE.

I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR AMBITIONS, BUT...

YOU'RE NOT BUILT LIKE A BOY.

BUILT DOESN'T COUNT IN OUR TRIBE. EXCUSE ME.

NO, NO, WAIT. MAY I SEE YOU AGAIN?

OK. WHEN?

WELL, UM, HOW ABOUT 6:00?

6:00...

THAT'S MY WATCH.

WELL, I WAS JUST PRACTICING.

WELL, I WISH YOU WOULDN'T PRACTICE WITH MY...

MAY I HAVE MY WALLET?

THAT'S MY PASSPORT.

THIS WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR?

YES. THANK...

YOU WANT THE MONEY TOO?

YES, I WANT THE MONEY.

HERE.

THAT'S MY GARTER.

YOU PEEKED.

YOU WANT THE GARTER BACK?

NO, YOU CAN KEEP IT.

WELL, I GOT TO GO.

WAIT. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

OUR WAGONS ARE THERE IN THE WOODS.

OH, GYPSY WAGONS.

I'M A PAINTER. UH, COULD I PAINT YOUR WAGON?

WELL, THAT'S FINE. BUT THEY WERE JUST PAINTED LAST MONTH.

NO. I MEAN PUT IT ON CANVAS.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. BYE. GOT TO GO.

GOODBYE.

ANYWAY,

THAT WAS THEIR FIRST MEETING.

BUT AT THAT TIME HE WAS ONLY INTERESTED IN PAINTING HER WAGON. SO...

I THINK I SAW THIS MOVIE.

IT'S NOT A MOV...

MR. KIMBALL, WHEN DID YOU COME IN?

WHEN LASTVOGEL WAS STEALING THE WATCHWORKS FROM CORNY REINHOLT.

ARE YOU SURE IT WASN'T A MOVIE?

BECAUSE I REMEMBER SEEING ALICE FAYE IN IT.

ONLY SHE WASN'T A GYPSY.

BUT I THINK IT HAD THE SAME TITLE.

NO, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

THAT'S IT! ALICE FAYE IN:

NO, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

IT WAS IN LIVING VITA-COLOR.

WELL, I NEVER SAW THE PICTURE. GO ON, MRS. DOUGLAS.

COME ON. WE'VE GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK.

I'M ON MY LUNCH HOUR.

IT'S ONLY 10:00.

OH! I'M ON WASHINGTON TIME.

UH, THAT'S WHERE THE HEAD OFFICE OF THE DEPARTMENT IS.

IT WAS THE CHIEF'S IDEA TO HAVE US IN TUNE WITH THEM,

SO THAT EVERYBODY ALL OVER THE COUNTRY

WAS OUT TO LUNCH AT THE SAME TIME.

THAT MEANS IF YOU'RE A COUNTY AGENT IN KANSAS

AND YOU CALL UP WASHINGTON, THEY CAN'T SAY THEY'RE OUT TO LUNCH.

BECAUSE YOU ARE.

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA...

YEAH, IT MAKES FOR A MORE EFFICIENT OPERATION.

UH, THAT IS, IF YOU DON'T MIND EATING SUPPER AT 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.

UH, MR. KIMBALL,

I'D LIKE TO HEAR THE REST OF THE STORY.

OH, WELL.

ANYWAY, THAT AFTERNOON, THIS PAINTER FELLOW SHOWED UP AT THE GYPSY CAMP

WITH HIS PAINTS,

CANVAS, AND WEASEL.

EASEL!

ANYWAY, HE WAS LOOKING FOR MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER.

BUT SHE WASN'T THERE. BUT HER FATHER WAS.

HE WAS FIXING HIS ACCRODIAN.

HIS ACCRODIAN?

ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU SQUEEZE TOGETHER TO GET MUSIC OUT OF.

ANYWAY, HE WAS FIXING IT.

GET AWAY.

GET AWAY.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

BE RIGHT WITH YOU.

♪

I'M JUST FIXING MY ACCORDION.

WELL, IT BLEW OUT LAST NIGHT ON A 'C' SHARP.

OH?

UH, LOOK, I'M HERE TO, UH...

I KNOW. YOU WANT TO BUY A LOVE POTION.

NO, UH...

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO PUT 2 DROPS

INTO YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S DRINK...

NO. I DON'T WANT...

IT ALSO CURES COLD.

I DON'T HAVE A COLD.

HOW ABOUT A MAGIC GYPSY DOLL?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO STICK A PIN IN IT,

AND YOU CAN KILL ANYBODY YOU DON'T LIKE.

NO, I DON'T WANT TO KILL...

HOW ABOUT A LUCKY GYPSY AMULET?

IT WILL PROTECT YOU AGAINST EVERYTHING.

EXCEPT SOMEBODY STICKING A PIN

INTO ONE OF THESE DOLLS THAT DON'T LIKE YOU.

NO, NO, I'M HERE TO SEE MISS LINDA GRONYITZ.

WHO? MISS LINDA...

UH, LASTVOGEL GRONYITZ.

OH WELL, SHE'S IN THE WAGON, CRYING.

SHE FLUNKED HER GYPSY TEST.

ALL SHE COULD STEAL ARE THESE, UH,

CHEAP WATCHWORKS.

THOSE ARE NOT CHEAP...

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER ABOUT?

WELL, I...

I SPOKE TO HER ABOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF PAINTING YOUR WAGON.

THEY WERE JUST PAINTED A MONTH AGO.

NO, NO, I MEAN, UH...

WELL...

REALLY, I'D LIKE YOUR PERMISSION TO PAINT HER.

WHAT COLOR?

NO, NO, I MEAN,

I'D LIKE TO PUT HER ON CANVAS.

WELL, THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND HER.

LASTVOGEL!

YEAH?

AH, IT'S YOU WITH THE CHEAP WATCHWORKS

THAT KEPT ME A GIRL.

OH, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.

HE WANTS TO PAINT YOU.

WHAT COLOR?

UH, NO, I'M AN ARTIST. I'D LIKE TO PAINT YOUR PORTRAIT.

THAT'S UP TO MY FATHER.

IT'S OK, ARTIST. YOU COULD PAINT HER PICTURE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

UH, SIT OVER THERE ON THAT ROCK.

IS THIS ALL RIGHT?

NO, NO, UH, TURN YOUR HEAD A LITTLE BIT...

PERFECT. JUST PER...

WHERE ARE MY PAINTS?

OLGA! GIVE THE MAN BACK HIS PAINTS.

THANK YOU.

WHERE'S MY CANVAS?

ROBERTA, GIVE THE MAN HIS CANVAS.

THANKS.

NOW, PLEASE, I WISH YOU PEOPLE WOULDN'T TAKE MY THINGS.

I'VE GOT...

I HAD AN EASEL. WHERE IS MY EASEL?

JANOS!

THANK YOU. NOW, JUST KEEP YOUR HAND...

THERE WAS A SMALL CANVAS STOOL HERE.

WHERE IS IT?

THANK YOU.

NOW, PLEASE, WOULD YOU MOVE BACK SO I CAN DO MY WORK?

BACK! BACK!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ALL RIGHT! WHO STOLE LASTVOGEL?

OF COURSE, LASTVOGEL WASN'T REALLY STOLEN.

SHE JUST LEFT TO HAVE HER EARS PIERCED

IN CASE SOMEBODY WANTED TO GIVE HER A PAIR OF EARRINGS FOR CHRISTMAS.

LISA, THIS STORY GETS MORE...

IT SURE DOES.

MR. HANEY! WHEN DID YOU COME IN?

OH, I COME IN WHEN THE KING GYPSY WAS WARNIN' LASTVOGEL

NOT TO STARCH THE TAMBOURINES.

NO, YOU CAME IN WHEN ALICE FAYE WAS...

ALICE FAYE?

IS SHE IN THIS PICTURE?

IT'S NOT A PICTURE, IT'S A STORY.

OH! DID I MISS MUCH?

YOU MISSED THE PART WHERE THE ACCORDION BLEW OUT IN 'B' FLAT

AND INJURED 12 GYPSIES.

OR WAS IT 10?

NO, IT WAS 'C' SHARP.

OH, IT'S A MUSICAL.

DOGGONE, I AIN'T SEEN A GOOD MUSICAL

SINCE THE BIG BROADCAST IN 1932.

WHY DON'T WE ALL GET BACK TO WORK?

WHY DON'T WE ALL GET BACK TO WORK?

THEM IS THE EXACT WORDS

THAT WINNIE LIGHTNER SAID TO SLIM SUMMERVILLE

AFTER THE THEATER BURNED.

I'LL NEVER FORGET.

IT BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES

AS THEY WALKED DOWN BROADWAY

A-SINGING THAT ALL-TIME HIT-PARADE FAVORITE:

THERE'S NOTHING MORE REFRESHIN'

THAN A GOOD LONG DEPRESSION.

YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT.

HOW'D IT GO?

♪

THAT'S IT!

IT SURE IS.

WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING TO WORK.

THEN YOU ARE GOING TO MISS THE PART ABOUT THE GYPSY LUAU.

THE GYPSY LUAU?

OH, I WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS THAT.

IT WAS ABOUT A WEEK LATER

WHEN THE WHOLE TRIBE GOT TOGETHER TO SING AND DANCE.

♪

WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE WITH ME?

YES, YES, YE...

ALL RIGHT. WHO STOLE MY SHOES?

THANK YOU.

THESE ARE NOT MY SHOES!

THANK YOU.

♪

♪

CONGRATULATIONS, MY SON.

I HOPE YOU TWO WILL BE VERY HAPPY AND HAVE MANY CHILDREN.

YES, THANK YOU. WE CER...

WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID ABOUT MANY CHILDREN?

THIS WAS THE WEDDING DANCE.

IT'S... IT'S LIKE A PROPOSAL, BUT WITH MUSIC.

I DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

DON'T YOU WANT TO MARRY ME?

WELL, I HADN'T G-GIVEN IT...

MIGHT NOT BE A BAD IDEA.

WELL, IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

NO. ACCORDING TO THE LAW OF THE TRIBE, YOU ARE AN OUTSIDER,

AND AN OUTSIDER CAN'T MARRY AN INSIDER,

AND AN INSIDER CAN'T MARRY AN OUTSIDER.

NOW IT'S UP TO YOU. ARE YOU IN OR OUT?

HOW DO I BECOME AN INSIDER?

FIRST, YOU STEAL A WHITE CHICKEN.

WHAT?

WELL, THAT'LL PROVE THAT YOU'RE A REAL GYPSY.

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE FEEL THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO ST...

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY VEST?

WELL, IT'S NOT OUR IDEA TO STEAL.

BUT EVERYBODY SAYS THAT, UH, GYPSIES STEAL,

SO IF IT MAKES THEM HAPPY, WE STEAL.

WHEN YOU GOT AN IMAGE,

YOU HAVE TO LIVE UP TO IT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? ARE YOU GOING TO STEAL THE CHICKEN?

OR ARE YOU GOING TO BE AN OUTSIDE BACHELOR?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL STEAL A CHICKEN.

YOU FINK!

WHY'D YOU MAKE ALL THAT RACKET?

I ONLY WANTED TO BORROW YOU A COUPLE OF HOURS TILL I COULD GET MARRIED.

CORNELIUS! MOTHER!

FATHER! HELLO, SON.

SO THIS IS A HUNGARIAN POKEY.

THEY OUGHT TO SEE THE JAIL WE'VE GOT IN SCARSDALE.

FATHER, DON'T BE SO AMERICAN.

CORNELIUS, WE HAVE TRAVELED HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD TO MEET YOU,

TO FIND YOU IN JAIL FOR CHICKEN-STEALING.

OH, I STOLE A CHICKEN SO I COULD BECOME A GYPSY.

A GYPSY.

YES. I'M IN LOVE WITH A GYPSY GIRL. I WANT TO GET MARRIED.

CORNELIUS,

HAVE YOU BEEN LICKING YOUR PAINTBRUSHES?

MOTHER!

I FORBID IT.

OH, SHE'S WONDERF...

OH, MOTHER, YOUR KNUCKLE IS SWOLLEN.

OH, IT IS NOT SWOLLEN.

YOUR FATHER GAVE ME THIS VULGAR RING.

YES, THE ARM GARTER BUSINESS IS BOOMING.

WILL YOU STOP SNAPPING YOUR GALLUSES?

MOTHER, WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY LITTLE GYPSY SWEETHEART.

WHAT DOES SHE LOOK LIKE?

OH, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

FATHER, YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE HER THE WAY I DO.

WELL, IT'S ALL RIGHT WITH ME, SON,

BUT YOU KNOW HOW NARROW-MINDED YOUR MOTHER IS ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

ALBERT!

CORNELIUS, I WANT YOU TO FORGET THIS WHOLE...

MOTHER, DON'T MAKE UP YOUR MIND TILL YOU MEET HER.

MOTHER, FATHER,

I WANT YOU TO MEET MY FIANCEE,

LASTVOGEL GRONYITZ.

ARTHUR, OH!

CORNELIUS.

YOUR FATHER AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOU IN THE NEXT ROOM.

WE'D BETTER NOT LEAVE HER ALONE.

SHE'LL STEAL EVERYTHING IN SIGHT.

MOTHER, WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.

I INTEND TO MARRY HER, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE US YOUR BLESSING.

ON ONE CONDITION:

THAT YOU PROMISE YOU WILL NEVER COME BACK TO SCARSDALE.

I PROMISE.

WHY CAN'T WE GO TO SCARSDALE?

DON'T START ANYTHING.

SINCE YOU PROMISED,

UH, YOU HAVE OUR BLESSINGS.

MUDDOR!

FODDER! OH, DARLING.

THAT'S ENOUGH, PAPA.

COME, LASTVOGEL. WE HOPE YOU'LL COME TO THE WEDDING.

OH, INDEED WE WILL.

NICE KIDS.

WE OUGHT TO GIVE THEM A NICE FAT CHECK FOR THEIR WEDDING.

WHERE'S MY WALLET?

OH, YOU PROBABLY LEFT IT IN THE NEXT ROOM WITH YOUR...

WHO TOOK MY EARRINGS?

AND AS KING OF THE GYPSIES, I ASK YOU:

DO YOU TAKE THIS GYPSY WOMAN

TO BE YOUR GYPSY WIFE?

I DO.

THE RING, PLEASE.

OH, I DON'T HAVE ONE. I FORGOT TO GET ONE.

I DIDN'T.

HEY, THAT'S MY MOTHER'S SWOLLEN KNUCKLE... UH, RING.

SHE FORGOT TO GIVE IT TO ME, SO I TOOK IT.

WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY.

♪

AND THIS RING HAS BEEN HANDED DOWN FROM THEN TILL NOW.

THAT'S THE SWEETEST STORY I EVER HEARD.

MR. DRUCKER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

IT WAS GETTING KIND OF LONESOME IN TOWN.

LISA, NEXT TIME YOU TELL A STORY, CHARGE ADMISSION.

DARLING, WILL YOU... WILL YOU PLEASE GET UP? I HAVE TO MAKE YOUR BED.

WHAT?

YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP OUT HERE FROM NOW ON.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WELL, I WAS THINKING ABOUT THE STORY,

AND THE FACT THAT I COME FROM A LONG LINE OF GYPSIES AND YOU DON'T.

AND ACCORDING TO THE GYPSY LAW WE ARE NOT REALLY MARRIED

BECAUSE YOU NEVER PASSED THE WHITE CHICKEN TEST.

I, UH, KIND OF FIGURED YOU'D BRING THAT UP.

WELL?

WELL, I GUESS YOU'RE IN THE TRIBE NOW.

LASTVOGEL.

OH, ONE MINUTE. YOU HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE CEREMONY.

YOU HAVE TO KISS MY RING AND SWEAR...

ALL RIGHT, WHO TOOK MY VULGAR RING?

OH!

IS THIS IT?

YES.

OH, I'M MISSING A BRACELET.

OH. NO...

MAY I HAVE MY PAJAMAS BACK?

THIS HAS BEEN A FILMWAYS PRESENTATION, DARLING.