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1
00:00:07,875 --> 00:00:09,886
Man over P.A.: Flight
12 now loading gate three
2
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,888
for Philadelphia, New York,
3
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:14,023
Boston and Bangor.
4
00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:16,526
Attention, flight
seven to New York
5
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,995
will be delayed 30 minutes.
6
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,465
Attention... Mr. Buck Henry,
7
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:24,701
please claim your poodle
at baggage counter.
8
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:28,472
Mr. Buck Henry, your
poodle is waiting...
9
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,507
- MARKOFF?
- YES.
10
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,843
I'M MAXWELL SMART, SECRET
AGENT 86 OF CONTROL.
11
00:00:32,867 --> 00:00:34,511
I'VE BEEN ASSIGNED
TO PROTECT YOU.
12
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,880
OH, YOU SEEM FAMILIAR.
13
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,816
YES. I'VE BEEN GUARDING YOU EVER
SINCE YOU GOT THROUGH THE IRON CURTAIN.
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,919
OF COURSE. YOU WERE
ON THE PLANE WITH ME.
15
00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:46,222
YOU WERE THE MAN SEATED ACROSS
THE AISLE READING A MAGAZINE.
16
00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:48,591
- NO.
- THE MAN BEHIND ME,
17
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:51,394
- WITH THE DARK GLASSES
AND THE MUSTACHE.
- NO.
18
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,396
BUT I'M SURE I SAW
YOU ON THE PLANE.
19
00:00:53,420 --> 00:00:55,765
I WAS THE STEWARDESS
WHO FLUFFED YOUR PILLOW.
20
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:58,268
AN INGENIOUS
DISGUISE, MR. SMART.
21
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,403
WELL, FORTUNATELY I
HAVE THE LEGS FOR IT.
22
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:03,473
I THINK WE'D BETTER USE
THE SIDE DOOR. COME ON.
23
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,609
AM I IN ANY DANGER, MR. SMART?
24
00:01:05,633 --> 00:01:08,077
NO, EVERYTHING HAS WORKED
OUT EXACTLY AS I PLANNED IT.
25
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,746
- NO ONE CAN POSSIBLY
KNOW YOU'RE HERE.
- TRANSWORLD PRESS.
26
00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,915
DO YOU MIND ANSWERING A
FEW QUESTIONS, MISS MARKOFF?
27
00:01:12,939 --> 00:01:15,718
JUST A MINUTE... WHICH MISS
MARKOFF ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
28
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:18,821
TRINKA MARKOFF, DAUGHTER OF
THE LATE BORAVIAN PRIME MINISTER,
29
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,191
- HERE TO ADDRESS
THE U.N.
- YES, I'M AFRAID
30
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,160
YOU GENTLEMEN MADE A BIG MISTAKE.
YOU SEE, THIS IS LUBELLA MARKOFF,
31
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:26,028
THE EUROPEAN
HIGH-HURDLE CHAMPION.
32
00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:28,298
SHE'S HERE TO TEST OUR HURDLES.
33
00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:30,255
HOLD IT!
34
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:36,406
WELL, MISS MARKOFF, I
JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE.
35
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:39,742
ONE CLICK OF THIS SHUTTER AND YOU
WOULD HAVE BEEN HIT BY A BULLET...
36
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,111
THE OLD GUN-IN-
THE-CAMERA TRICK.
37
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,779
HOW COULD YOU BE SURE?
38
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:46,115
THAT CORNY OUTFIT...
THE CURLED-UP HAT,
39
00:01:46,139 --> 00:01:49,952
THE LOUD PLAID JACKET... NO
PHOTOGRAPHER DRESSES LIKE THAT.
40
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:53,122
THEY'RE MORE LIKE THIS
FELLOW HERE. NEAT, QUIET...
41
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,792
AND DEADLY.
42
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,327
MISS MARKOFF, MR. SMART,
43
00:01:58,351 --> 00:02:00,296
I SUGGEST YOU COME
ALONG WITH US QUIETLY.
44
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,760
WE HAVE A CAR WAITING OUTSIDE.
45
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,634
GET GOING!
46
00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,955
W STREET, CORNER OF 34.
47
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,058
OH, YOU WANT CONTROL
SECRET HEADQUARTERS.
48
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:31,661
- HELLO, MAX.
- AGENT 34!
49
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:34,030
WHAT A BREAK! HOW DID THE
CHIEF KNOW I'D BE NEEDING YOU?
50
00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:37,134
HE DIDN'T, MAX. THIS IS
MY JOB. I'M MOONLIGHTING.
51
00:02:37,158 --> 00:02:39,136
- WHAT?
- WHILE YOU WERE
OUT OF THE COUNTRY,
52
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,705
THERE WAS ANOTHER BUDGET CUT
AT CONTROL. WE'RE ALL ON PART-TIME.
53
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:45,964
THAT BLACK CAR...
IT IS FOLLOWING US.
54
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,981
TURN RIGHT AT THE NEXT CORNER.
55
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,286
THAT'S THE LONGER WAY, MAX.
THAT WILL RUN YOU ANOTHER 50¢.
56
00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,108
TURN!
57
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:04,560
- YOU'VE GOT A BLOCK LEAD
ON THEM. STEP ON IT!
- OKAY.
58
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,518
TAXI!
59
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,468
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
60
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,070
COMPANY RULES, MAX... YOU'RE
SUPPOSED TO SHARE THE CAB.
61
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,927
324 Z STREET.
62
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:23,946
LOOK, COULD YOU GO A
LITTLE FASTER, DRIVER?
63
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:26,049
- I'M GONNA
BE LATE FOR WORK.
- OKAY, BUDDY,
64
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:28,473
BUT IF I GET A TICKET,
YOU'LL PAY FOR IT.
65
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:33,155
- UH, THAT'S MY CORNER.
- I CAN'T STOP NOW.
66
00:03:33,179 --> 00:03:35,146
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
67
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:41,786
AT LEAST HE COULD
HAVE SLOWED DOWN.
68
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,802
WELL, CHIEF, IT WAS NIP
AND TUCK FOR A WHILE,
69
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:56,439
- BUT I FINALLY GOT MISS
MARKOFF BACK HERE SAFELY.
- WHERE IS SHE, MAX?
70
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,441
- SHE'S IN THE
DEBRIEFING ROOM.
- WELL,
71
00:04:58,465 --> 00:05:02,712
- OUR MAIN CONCERN IS
MISS MARKOFF'S SAFETY...
- WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF.
72
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:06,148
- ISN'T THIS TOP SECRET?
- YES, MAX.
73
00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:09,986
WELL, SHOULDN'T WE
USE THE CONE OF SILENCE?
74
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:13,044
- MAX, THE CONE
OF SILENCE IS...
- I'LL GET IT, CHIEF.
75
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,263
WHERE'S THE CONE OF SILENCE?
76
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:22,698
MAX, WE LEASED IT TO THE C.I.A.
77
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,768
BUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
78
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:27,970
IT'S JUST FOR A SHORT TIME. I'M
SURE CONGRESS WILL RECONSIDER
79
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:31,508
- OUR BUDGET CUT.
- BUT WHY DOESN'T CONGRESS
CUT THE C.I.A.'S BUDGET?
80
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,277
HOW CAN THEY? NOBODY
KNOWS WHAT THEIR BUDGET IS.
81
00:05:34,301 --> 00:05:36,012
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TALK HERE.
82
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,949
WAIT A MINUTE, CHIEF. WE CAN'T
AFFORD TO TAKE THAT KIND OF A CHANCE.
83
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:42,018
I DEMAND...
84
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:44,387
OH, MAX, NO.
85
00:05:44,411 --> 00:05:48,858
YES! THE CLOSET OF SILENCE.
86
00:05:48,882 --> 00:05:50,815
COME ON, 99.
87
00:05:57,991 --> 00:05:59,635
- NOW, MISS MARKOFF...
- SHH!
88
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:03,038
HOLD IT, CHIEF.
89
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:06,576
- OKAY.
- MISS MARKOFF WON'T
BE SPEAKING TO THE U.N.
90
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,310
UNTIL THREE DAYS FROM NOW.
91
00:06:08,334 --> 00:06:12,047
NOW, KAOS WILL DO ANYTHING TO
KEEP HER FROM MAKING THAT SPEECH.
92
00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:15,017
OUR BEST CHANCE TO OUTWIT
THEM IS TO MOVE HER AROUND.
93
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:16,919
SHE'LL SPEND THE FIRST DAY HERE
94
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:19,455
AND THE SECOND DAY
99 WILL CHECK HER IN
95
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,524
TO THE ALLEDON ARMS HOTEL.
96
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,728
THE ALLEDON... THE ALLEDON
ARMS HOTEL? THAT DIRTY OLD DUMP?
97
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:28,498
WELL, MAX, THEY'RE GIVING
US A COMMERCIAL RATE.
98
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:31,200
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, CHIEF. YOU'RE
TALKING INTO YOUR OVERCOAT.
99
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,369
LET ME OUT OF HERE!
100
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,540
MAX, THE DOOR IS LOCKED!
101
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:41,343
WHY DO I LET YOU TALK
ME INTO THINGS LIKE THIS?
102
00:06:41,367 --> 00:06:43,746
LARRABEE! LARRABEE!
103
00:06:43,770 --> 00:06:46,415
CHIEF, YOU'RE WASTING YOUR
TIME. LARRABEE CAN'T HEAR YOU.
104
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:48,751
THE WALLS ARE TOO THICK.
105
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:54,858
SORRY ABOUT THAT, LARRABEE.
106
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:56,814
THANKS, MAX.
107
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,600
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAX?
- I DON'T KNOW, 99.
108
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,370
I'M SO DEPRESSED. MY FIRST
DAY BACK IN THE COUNTRY
109
00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,638
AND THE CHIEF BAWLS ME OUT
FOR SOMETHING I DIDN'T EVEN DO,
110
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,574
AND HE GIVES ME A
50% CUT IN SALARY.
111
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,542
BUT, MAX, WE ALL
HAD TO TAKE THAT CUT.
112
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:16,179
BESIDES, YOU CAN MAKE
IT UP WORKING PART-TIME.
113
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:18,414
AFTER ALL, OUR NEW HOURS ARE
ONLY FROM 8:00 IN THE MORNING
114
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:21,717
UNTIL 12:00 NOON. I'M MAKING A
DOLLAR AN HOUR BABYSITTING.
115
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,953
AND THAT'S FINE FOR A GIRL,
BUT WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
116
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,155
WHAT DID YOU DO BEFORE
YOU BECAME A SECRET AGENT?
117
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:29,058
I WAS A BABYSITTER... THAT'S HOW I
WORKED MY WAY THROUGH COLLEGE.
118
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:31,761
- WELL, WHAT DID
YOU DO AFTER THAT?
- WELL, CONTROL RECRUITED ME
119
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:35,753
RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE.
SEE, I WAS A BONUS BABY SPY.
120
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,534
- UGH!
- WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAX?
121
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:41,337
THAT COFFEE IS LUKEWARM.
122
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:44,761
WELL, I GUESS THE ONLY
THING YOU KNOW IS SPYING.
123
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:49,612
WAIT A MINUTE, 99.
THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.
124
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,635
YOU AND I ARE
GOING INTO BUSINESS.
125
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:08,898
DON'T BE DISCOURAGED, MAX. AFTER
ALL, THE OFFICE HAS ONLY BEEN OPEN
126
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:12,001
- FOR A FEW HOURS.
- YES, AND NO CASES YET.
127
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:15,939
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT, 99. THIS IS A
PERFECT LOCATION FOR A PRIVATE EYE...
128
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,841
RIGHT BETWEEN A DIVORCE
LAWYER AND A CONGRESSMAN.
129
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,944
LOOKS LIKE YOU'LL HAVE
TO GO BACK TO BABYSITTING.
130
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,314
NO, MAX, I WANT
TO WORK WITH YOU.
131
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:35,291
ARE YOU MR. SMART,
THE PRIVATE EYE?
132
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:38,527
- YOU SAID WHAT?
- I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU, MR. SMART.
133
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:40,551
ALL RIGHT, START TALKING.
134
00:08:41,554 --> 00:08:44,533
- ALONE.
- GET OUT...
135
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:47,169
SWEETHEART.
136
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,639
I'LL BE IN THE OUTER OFFICE
137
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:53,131
IF YOU NEED ME, JUST WHISTLE.
138
00:08:57,436 --> 00:09:00,204
WELL, WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU, MISS...
139
00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:04,787
- WHAT CAN I DO
FOR YOU, MISS UH...
- MRS.
140
00:09:04,811 --> 00:09:08,579
- MRS. WEATHERLY.
- OH, PLEASE SIT DOWN,
MRS. WEATHERLY.
141
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:12,361
MR. SMART, I NEED YOUR HELP.
142
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,164
I NEED A VERY BRAVE
AND CLEVER MAN.
143
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:17,566
CIGARETTE?
144
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:18,823
NO, THANK YOU.
145
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:24,473
SO YOU NEED HELP,
MRS. WEATHERLY.
146
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:28,332
WELL, YOU'VE CERTAINLY
COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE.
147
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:38,788
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- YOU FELL OFF THE CHAIR.
148
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,378
EXACTLY.
149
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:45,094
- A DRINK,
MRS. WEATHERLY?
- THANK YOU.
150
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:47,384
MR. SMART, I HAVE A PROBLEM.
151
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:57,273
YOU CERTAINLY DO HAVE A PROBLEM.
152
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,575
NO NO NO, IT'S MY HUSBAND.
153
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,277
HE'S THREATENED TO KILL ME.
154
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,579
HE'S MADLY, INSANELY JEALOUS,
155
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:07,083
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I'VE
NEVER GIVEN HIM ANY REASON.
156
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,086
I'VE NEVER EVEN LOOKED AT...
157
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:14,423
- YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME.
- YES, I KNOW THAT,
MRS. WEATHERLY.
158
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,658
NOW, ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND...
LET'S HAVE A DESCRIPTION.
159
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:20,062
- EYES?
- THEY'RE NOT AT ALL
LIKE YOURS...
160
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:23,132
DEEP, FASCINATING, PIERCING.
161
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,368
"DEEP, FASCIN"...
162
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,703
NO, NOT MY EYES, MRS.
WEATHERLY. YOUR HUSBAND'S.
163
00:10:27,727 --> 00:10:31,173
- BLOODSHOT.
- BLOODSHOT EYES.
164
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,775
OKAY. HAIR?
165
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:35,344
- BALD.
- BALD HAIR.
166
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,013
- HEIGHT.
- SHORT.
167
00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:39,315
SHORT HEIGHT. BUILD?
168
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,973
- TUBBY.
- TUBBY.
169
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,622
YOU'D BETTER HAVE ANOTHER
DRINK, MRS. WEATHERLY.
170
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:49,926
THAT MUST BE MY HUSBAND. IF
HE FINDS ME HERE HE'LL KILL ME.
171
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,928
ALL RIGHT, DON'T GET
EXCITED. TAKE IT EASY.
172
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,997
YOU CAN GO RIGHT
DOWN THE FIRE ESCAPE.
173
00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:56,955
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
174
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,205
- ALL RIGHT, COME IN.
- MAX...
175
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:06,409
OH, IT'S YOU, 99. MY
CLIENT GOT SCARED.
176
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,211
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS HER HUSBAND
AND RAN DOWN THE FIRE ESCAPE.
177
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,247
OH. MAX!
178
00:11:12,271 --> 00:11:14,249
99, DON'T TELL ME
THERE'S NO FIRE ESCAPE.
179
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:15,384
THERE'S NO FIRE ESCAPE!
180
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,453
I ASKED YOU NOT TO TELL ME THAT.
181
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:19,488
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, MAX.
182
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,692
SHE HIT THE CANOPY.
SHE'S JUST LIMPING A LITTLE.
183
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:25,561
THERE GOES MY
FIRST AND ONLY CLIENT.
184
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,363
NO, MAX, THAT'S NOT SO...
185
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,732
THERE ARE TWO MEN WAITING
TO SEE YOU IN THE OUTER OFFICE.
186
00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:32,134
OH, GOOD. ALL RIGHT.
187
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:35,025
- SEND THEM IN.
- RIGHT, MAX.
188
00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,764
WOULD YOU GENTLEMEN
STEP IN, PLEASE?
189
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,918
- MR. SMART?
- YOU SAID WHAT?
190
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:51,020
LET US PRESENT OURSELVES...
191
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,088
MR. SIDNEY, MR. PETER.
192
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:56,859
- MR. SIDNEY.
- NO, I AM SIDNEY. HE IS PETER.
193
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:59,361
GENTLEMEN, PLEASE BE SEATED.
194
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,597
THANK YOU.
195
00:12:01,621 --> 00:12:03,599
I'LL COME RIGHT TO THE POINT.
196
00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:07,070
WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT
THE SAFETY OF TRINKA MARKOFF.
197
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:11,174
WHO?
198
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,509
OUR MR. SMART IS SPLENDIDLY
DISCREET, IS HE NOT,
199
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:17,012
- MR. SIDNEY?
- HMM, YES HE IS,
MR. PETER.
200
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:20,382
DEAR TRINKA TOLD US HOW
BRAVE YOU WERE THIS MORNING
201
00:12:20,406 --> 00:12:25,054
AND HOW YOU SAVED HER FROM
THOSE VICIOUS KAOS KILLERS.
202
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:29,425
- I'VE ALWAYS
HATED BRUTALITY.
- PLEASE, MR. SIDNEY.
203
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,460
WE'RE AFRAID ABOUT WHAT
MIGHT HAPPEN TO MISS TRINKA.
204
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,896
WE WISH TO HIRE
YOU TO PROTECT HER.
205
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,754
- I SEE.
- ARE YOU INTERESTED
IN THE JOB?
206
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,991
WELL, THAT ALL DEPENDS.
207
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,607
WHEN YOU HIRE ME,
YOU HIRE THE BEST.
208
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,742
AND THE BEST IS EXPENSIVE.
209
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,312
MY PRICE IS HIGH AND I
WON'T HAVE ANY HAGGLING.
210
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,370
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
211
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,287
- Mr. Peter: HOW MUCH?
- UH, MAKE ME AN OFFER.
212
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,122
$250 A DAY.
213
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:03,392
- YOU SAID WHAT?
- $250 A DAY.
214
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:05,828
- I'LL TAKE IT.
- GOOD.
215
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,963
AN ADVANCE AND OUR
TELEPHONE NUMBER.
216
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:11,467
WE WISH YOU TO KEEP US APPRISED OF
MISS TRINKA'S WHEREABOUTS AT ALL TIMES.
217
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,069
- JUST SO WE KNOW
THAT SHE'S SAFE.
- YOU SEE,
218
00:13:14,093 --> 00:13:16,472
MISS TRINKA IS A WORRIER
219
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:19,641
AND SHE WOULD ONLY WORRY IF
SHE KNEW THAT WE WERE WORRIED.
220
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:21,844
DON'T GIVE IT ANOTHER
THOUGHT, GENTLEMEN.
221
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,280
I WOULDN'T WANT TRINKA TO
WORRY THAT YOU WERE WORRIED
222
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:27,739
THAT SHE WAS WORRIED,
SO DON'T WORRY.
223
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,189
ONE OTHER THING...
224
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,457
WE MUST SWEAR YOU
TO ABSOLUTE SECRECY.
225
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,593
NO ONE MUST KNOW, NOT
EVEN YOUR SECRETARY.
226
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,528
VERY WELL, GENTLEMEN.
227
00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:41,197
GOODBYE, MR. SMART.
228
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:43,299
GOODBYE, MR. SIDNEY. MR. PETER.
229
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,802
I'M SIDNEY. HE'S PETER.
230
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:49,806
OH. SORRY ABOUT THAT. I DON'T KNOW
WHY I KEEP GETTING YOU TWO MIXED UP.
231
00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:51,762
HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
232
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:02,551
- WHAT DID THEY WANT, MAX?
- THEY WANNA PAY ME...
233
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:05,254
THEY WANNA PAY ME $250 A DAY.
234
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,057
- FOR WHAT?
- I'M SORRY, 99,
235
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:11,049
BUT MY CLIENTS HAVE
SWORN ME TO SECRECY.
236
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:17,166
OUR MR. SMART IS A PERFECT
TOOL, IS HE NOT, MR. SIDNEY?
237
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,602
OH, YES, HE IS, MR. PETER.
238
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:22,839
HE DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO SUSPECT
239
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:25,107
WE ARE KAOS AGENTS
240
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,543
AND THAT HE WILL
LEAD MISS MARKOFF
241
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:30,368
RIGHT INTO OUR TRAP.
242
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,155
- HERE YOU ARE, LARRABEE.
- THANKS, CHIEF.
243
00:14:40,179 --> 00:14:42,324
- HMM...
- SORRY ABOUT...
244
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:44,281
DON'T SAY IT!
245
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,497
CHIEF, WHEN I TELL YOU
WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING...
246
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:51,566
MAX, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN WHAT
YOU'RE DOING IN YOUR SPARE TIME.
247
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,802
FROM 8:00 TO 12:00, YOU
ARE ON CONTROL TIME.
248
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,738
IT'S A COUPLE OF MINUTES
PAST 8:00 RIGHT NOW.
249
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:57,640
YOU AND 99 HAVE
TO GET MISS MARKOFF
250
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:00,208
- DOWN TO THE
ALLEDON ARMS HOTEL.
- RIGHT, CHIEF.
251
00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,477
- WHERE IS SHE NOW?
- SHE'S AT THE SECRET
IDENTITY SECTION.
252
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,412
- THEY'RE WORKING
ON A DISGUISE.
- OH, REALLY?
253
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:07,282
- WHAT KIND OF
A DISGUISE, CHIEF?
- SHE'LL HAVE A DARK WIG,
254
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:09,451
CHANGING HER DRESS
AND WEARING SUNGLASSES.
255
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:11,453
COME ON, LET'S SEE HOW
SHE'S DOING. COME ON, MAX.
256
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:14,677
UH, I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE,
CHIEF. I WANNA MAKE A PHONE CALL.
257
00:15:26,659 --> 00:15:29,972
HELLO, MR. SIDNEY?
OH, SORRY. MR. PETER?
258
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,007
MAXWELL SMART REPORTING.
259
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:34,543
OH, MISS MARKOFF IS FINE.
260
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:37,245
YES, I'VE TAKEN
EVERY PRECAUTION.
261
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:41,283
WELL, SHE WILL BE WEARING
DARK HAIR AND SUNGLASSES.
262
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:45,120
AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE'RE TAKING
HER TO OUR HIDEOUT AT THE ALLEDON ARMS.
263
00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,144
DON'T MENTION IT. IT'S MY JOB.
264
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,211
WE'RE HERE, MISS MARKOFF.
265
00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:12,047
- WHAT TOOK SO LONG?
- MAX HAD TO MAKE SURE
YOU WERE SAFE.
266
00:16:12,071 --> 00:16:14,550
YES. THAT'S WHY I DROVE
AROUND TOWN FOR THREE HOURS;
267
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,585
NO ONE COULD HAVE
POSSIBLY FOLLOWED US HERE.
268
00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:25,883
THANK HEAVENS THERE
ARE ONLY TWO OF THEM.
269
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,886
MAKE THAT THREE.
270
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:34,758
MAKE IT FOUR AND
KEEP THE BOOKS OPEN.
271
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:41,131
MAX, IT'S A TRAP. HELP,
SOMEBODY! CALL THE POLICE!
272
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,918
MAX, HOW COULD
THEY HAVE FOUND OUT?
273
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,902
THERE MUST BE A SECURITY
LEAK IN OUR ORGANIZATION.
274
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,748
IF I EVER GET MY HANDS
ON THAT STOOL PIGEON, I'LL...
275
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,566
MAX, WE'VE GOTTA LEAD THEM
AWAY FROM MISS MARKOFF.
276
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,590
COME ON, LET'S GO.
277
00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:14,976
- HOLD IT, 99.
- WHAT IS IT, MAX?
278
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,012
- WHAT TIME IS IT?
- UH, 12:00.
279
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:19,915
THAT'S IT. WE'RE
OFF-DUTY FOR CONTROL.
280
00:17:19,939 --> 00:17:22,885
MAX, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
281
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:24,553
I'M CALLING THE CHIEF.
282
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:28,290
I WANNA ASK HIM ABOUT MY ACCIDENT
AND HOSPITALIZATION INSURANCE.
283
00:17:28,314 --> 00:17:31,126
OH, MAX.
284
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,183
YOU KEEP THEM BUSY.
285
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:39,134
- HELLO, CHIEF?
- OH, MAX?
286
00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:41,369
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE
WITH THE ALLEDON ARMS HOTEL.
287
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:44,193
THEY SAID THERE'S A GUN
BATTLE GOING ON OUTSIDE.
288
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,876
I KNOW, CHIEF. THAT'S
WHAT I'M CALLING YOU ABOUT.
289
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,112
WE'RE PINNED DOWN
HERE BY FOUR KAOS MEN.
290
00:17:50,136 --> 00:17:52,214
- I'LL SEND HELP.
- UH, CHIEF,
291
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,383
I HAVE A JURISDICTIONAL
PROBLEM HERE.
292
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,785
YOU SEE, UP TO 12:00 I
WAS WORKING FOR YOU,
293
00:17:56,809 --> 00:18:00,689
BUT AFTER 12:00 I WAS HIRED BY CERTAIN
PARTIES TO PROTECT MISS MARKOFF.
294
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,325
MAX, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
295
00:18:03,349 --> 00:18:06,628
THE QUESTION IS, EVEN
THOUGH IT'S AFTER 12:00
296
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,630
THE FIGHT STARTED BEFORE 12:00.
297
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,133
NOW, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW,
IS MY ACCIDENT AND HOSPI...
298
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,202
MAX, LOOK OUT!
299
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:16,305
- MAX, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- NEVER MIND ABOUT
THAT, CHIEF.
300
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:18,640
THE IMPORTANT THING
THAT I WANNA KNOW IS,
301
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:22,099
- ACCORDING
TO RULE 343...
- MAX...
302
00:18:28,708 --> 00:18:31,020
- MAX, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
- CHIEF,
303
00:18:31,044 --> 00:18:32,922
BETTER FORGET ABOUT
MY HOSPITALIZATION.
304
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:35,090
CHECK MY LIFE INSURANCE.
305
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,601
- THANKS, SAM.
- SAM?
306
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,537
YES, THE GUY THAT WAS
DRIVING THE TRUCK WAS AGENT 72.
307
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,662
HE MUST HAVE A PART-TIME
JOB AT THE LAUNDRY.
308
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:58,547
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT!
309
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,550
BUT, CHIEF, SOMEHOW KAOS
KNEW THAT WE WERE TAKING TRINKA
310
00:19:01,574 --> 00:19:03,586
- TO THE ALLEDON ARMS.
- AND HOW COULD THEY?
311
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,354
HOW COULD THEY,
CHIEF? ONLY ONE WAY!
312
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:08,224
I'LL TELL YOU HOW... THERE'S A
TRAITOR RIGHT HERE IN OUR MIDST!
313
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,725
WHO, MAX? WHO?!
314
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,293
I DON'T KNOW, BUT
REMEMBER THIS...
315
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:15,030
EVERY MAN AT CONTROL WHO WAS HIT
BY THE BUDGET CUT IS HARD-PRESSED.
316
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:19,034
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, SOMEONE DESPERATE
FOR MONEY IS WORKING FOR KAOS,
317
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,870
SOMEONE RIGHT HERE
IN OUR ORGANIZATION.
318
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,606
BY THE WAY, CHIEF, HOW
COME YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
319
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:26,575
WHO DIDN'T HAVE TO
TAKE A PART-TIME JOB?
320
00:19:26,599 --> 00:19:27,776
MAX!
321
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,746
JUST A FRIENDLY QUESTION, CHIEF.
322
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:33,448
I STILL SAY MISS MARKOFF WOULD
BE SAFER HERE THAN ANYPLACE ELSE
323
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,150
AND THAT'S WHERE
SHE'S GOING TO STAY.
324
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:38,287
AND I SAY THAT IT'S TOO
DANGEROUS FOR HER HERE.
325
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,890
MAY I REMIND YOU
THAT I'M THE CHIEF?
326
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:43,325
YOU MAY REMIND ME, BUT
IT WON'T DO YOU ANY GOOD.
327
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:47,062
- AND YOUR BOSS!
- NOT AFTER 12:00.
328
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:50,265
EXACTLY WHERE DO YOU THINK
MISS MARKOFF WOULD BE SAFE?
329
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:52,333
I'M SORRY, CHIEF, BUT
I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT.
330
00:19:52,357 --> 00:19:54,469
THERE'S A SECURITY LEAK HERE.
331
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:57,372
SHE'LL BE PERFECTLY SAFE.
332
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,964
SHE'LL BE WITH ME.
333
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,186
MR. SMART,
334
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,255
WHY DON'T YOU
TURN ON THE LIGHTS?
335
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,023
I DON'T WANNA TAKE ANY CHANCES.
336
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,959
BESIDES, I'VE GOT
THE EYES OF A CAT.
337
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:20,529
NOW LET ME SEE... AS I RECALL,
338
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:24,400
IT'S EXACTLY FIVE STEPS
TO MY OFFICE DOOR.
339
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:28,959
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...
340
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:32,830
FIVE.
341
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,951
GOOD EVENING, MR. SMART.
342
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,320
WELL, MR. SIDNEY AND MR. PETER.
343
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:47,911
I MEAN, MR. PETER
AND MR. SIDNEY.
344
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,926
WELL, TRINKA, AREN'T YOU GONNA
SAY HELLO TO YOUR FRIENDS?
345
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:54,329
FRIENDS? THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
346
00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:56,865
- I'VE EVER
SEEN THEM IN MY LIFE.
- Mr. Peter: AND, MY DEAR,
347
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,334
- THE VERY LAST TIME.
- MR. SMART,
348
00:20:59,358 --> 00:21:01,369
WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?
349
00:21:01,393 --> 00:21:03,705
DON'T ASK SILLY
QUESTIONS, TRINKA.
350
00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:06,474
- WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?
- VERY SIMPLE, MR. SMART,
351
00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,143
YOU'VE BEEN A PERFECT DUPE.
352
00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:11,146
YOU'VE LED MISS MARKOFF INTO A
TRAP AND WE SHALL HAVE TO KILL HER...
353
00:21:11,170 --> 00:21:12,269
AND YOU TOO.
354
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,818
- ALL RIGHT, DROP 'EM.
- DROP WHAT?
355
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:19,488
OH. WELL, IN THAT
CASE, LIFT 'EM.
356
00:21:19,512 --> 00:21:22,591
I HARDLY THINK THAT
WILL BE NECESSARY.
357
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,214
WILBUR.
358
00:21:25,885 --> 00:21:28,731
YOU DON'T THINK I'M GONNA
FALL FOR THAT OLD ONE, DO YOU?
359
00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,688
MR. SMART.
360
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,904
THE OLD WILBUR-IN-
THE-DRAPE TRICK.
361
00:21:35,928 --> 00:21:38,840
GET 'EM UP.
362
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:41,609
ARE THEY UP?
363
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:44,680
WILBUR, YOU'LL DISPOSE
OF THEM AFTER WE'RE GONE.
364
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:48,317
YOU KNOW HOW MR. SIDNEY
ABHORS BRUTALITY.
365
00:21:48,341 --> 00:21:50,385
- COME, COME,
MR. SIDNEY.
- YOU ARE...
366
00:21:50,409 --> 00:21:53,929
YOU ARE TRULY A
GENTLE SOUL, MR. PETER.
367
00:21:56,949 --> 00:22:01,430
WE KNOW YOU HAVE ANOTHER
GUN HIDDEN IN THE DESK, MR. SMART.
368
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:03,798
BUT IT'S USELESS
WITHOUT THESE, IS IT NOT?
369
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,268
YES. WELL, I WASN'T
REACHING FOR A GUN.
370
00:22:06,292 --> 00:22:08,437
I WAS REACHING FOR THIS.
371
00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:10,706
IT'S ALL RIGHT IF I HAVE
A LAST DRINK, ISN'T IT?
372
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:13,074
OF COURSE, A MAN LIKE YOU
373
00:22:13,098 --> 00:22:15,444
SHOULD DIE GALLANTLY.
374
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:18,802
THAT'S THE WAY I
ALWAYS DIE, FAT MAN.
375
00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,728
CHEERS.
376
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:41,658
DON'T MOVE.
377
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:44,739
WHO'S THAT?
378
00:22:44,763 --> 00:22:48,443
- THAT'S PROBABLY
THE POLICE.
- THE POLICE?
379
00:22:48,467 --> 00:22:51,379
HE CAN GET AWAY BY GOING
DOWN THE FIRE ESCAPE.
380
00:22:51,403 --> 00:22:55,383
THAT'S AN EXCELLENT
IDEA, MR. SMART.
381
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:58,921
NOW, PLEASE, MOVE OVER THERE.
382
00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:01,023
NOW, DO NOT...
383
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:04,560
I REPEAT, DO NOT
ATTEMPT TO FOLLOW ME
384
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:09,252
BECAUSE I AM A DEADLY SHOT.
385
00:23:11,857 --> 00:23:14,202
OH, HOW TERRIBLE.
386
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:17,327
OH, MAYBE HE WAS LUCKY
AND HIT THE CANOPY.
387
00:23:19,131 --> 00:23:21,097
MISSED IT BY THAT MUCH.
388
00:23:22,668 --> 00:23:25,080
- CHIEF?
- MAX, WHAT HAPPENED?
389
00:23:25,104 --> 00:23:27,215
- MISS MARKOFF,
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YES,
390
00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:29,739
THANKS TO ALL OF YOU.
391
00:23:32,311 --> 00:23:34,189
CHIEF, YOU CAME JUST
IN THE NICK OF TIME.
392
00:23:34,213 --> 00:23:37,392
AND WHAT A CLEVER WAY TO GET INTO
THE BUILDING... DISGUISED AS A JANITOR.
393
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,861
DISGUISED? OH, THIS.
394
00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:42,164
WELL, THEY CUT MY
SALARY TOO, MAX.
395
00:23:42,188 --> 00:23:44,955
THIS IS MY WAY TO MAKE IT UP.
396
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:50,794
WHO BROKE THE DOOR, MAX?
30864
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