Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously on Warehouse 13:

If the Warehouse is to survive...

...a new caretaker must be in place before I die.

Me?

You came into my house and stole from me...

...dismantled my life's work, and I will respond in kind.

The brotherhood follow no rules.

STEVE: I figured it out last week.

Whenever I get hurt...

- They got me. STEVE: ...Claudia feels the pain.

In Shinto belief, Emperor Jimmu descended from the sun goddess.

He reigned for 75 years, often accompanied by a wild crow.

From that crow, there exists a feather.

Behold.

Beautiful, but deadly.

And money?

Also beautiful.

Now we drink to honour Jimmu.

Stop her!

Claude, don't look, you'll go insane!

[PHONE BUZZING]

Wait.

Something's vibrating.

I think it's me.

It's my sister, Tracy.

Hey, Trace, listen, I'm just at work. I'll call you back--

What?

Oh, my God, that's great news. Congratulations.

- What? What, what? - My sister's pregnant.

I'm gonna be an aunt. I'll get to hold a new life in my arms.

Trace? Listen, what do you think about a Japanese theme for the nursery?

MAN [ON TV]: ...left in the second period still up....

[HUMMING]

Oh. Artemis.

- Hockey, huh? Who you rooting for? - Nobody.

Right, let me see if I can explain this whole sports fan thing to you.

- Let's say there was a-- - Hello, kitties. We're back from Japan:

[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]

- Put that under a neutraliser light. - Whatever you say, Rilakkuma.

- What's a "Rikaluma"? - It's a Japanese bear...

...who loves custard pudding.

- Oh, Artie, you got a new nickname. - How would you like a new job?

- Hmm. MYKA: I got it for my sister, Tracy.

She's pregnant.

Yeah, I'm so excited.

- Really? - Yeah.

No, yeah, no, that's-- It's just that, you know, she's, you know...

...the younger sister and you're the older sister.

Are you living in 1957?

Getting pregnant's not on my current to-do list, all right?

How about finding an artefact? Is that on your current list?

We got a ping from last night's game in Toronto.

Let's go to the videotape.

MAN 1 [ON TV]: Toronto's Mike Madden has the puck.

Baird is charging-- Oh, Baird nails him in the right arm.

- So Baird has the artefact. - Watch.

MAN 1: That looks like a career-ending break.

This vet's been on fire lately, but you break your arm, and it's over.

- Did you see that? - I do.

See what?

What? She's the observant one and I'm the one who eats all the time.

MAN 1: Wait, he's up. Madden is up.

MYKA: Madden has some sort of healing artefact.

Oh, he's healed, all right. He's stronger than ever. Fast forwarding.

MAN 1: Baird with the puck. Madden approaches him. Wow.

BOTH: Whoa.

That's not hockey, that's pole vaulting. How did he do that?

That's what I want you to find out.

Stop that hockey player before he kills someone.

MYKA: We're on it.

And I'm gonna stay here and keep you company.

At least he does what he's told.

Mm.

Aw. Oh, he's so soft and fuzzy. The bear too.

Oh!

Oh, um, this arrived for you.

What?

- Who would write me at the Warehouse? - Open the envelope and find out.

I've been cordially invited to lunch.

- Eek. - By Mrs. Frederic. Why? Why?

Why don't you ask her? Over lunch.

Do you think this has something to do with...

...the weird feelings I've been having lately?

What weird feelings?

I don't know, like-- I don't know where I get these weird kicks in the gut.

My heart races, I can't catch my breath. It's like I'm not in control of myself.

Artie!

- Why didn't you tell me about this? - I don't know, I didn't wanna worry you?

Look, forget I said anything. I clearly have bigger problems.

Hey, are you guys going in to watch practise?

- Could you take this in for me? - And this? For Mike?

Are those molasses crinkles?

Okay, keep moving.

Okay, remember, for Mike.

Oh, man, I love molasses crinkles.

One thing I've learned in 20 years of running a team?

Never eat fan food.

It could be laced with who knows what.

Could make your parts fall off.

Coach!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right, listen up. The League sent these nice folks out.

They have some questions. You will answer them.

I'd, uh, like to start with Mike Madden.

Of course you would. Anything to meet the most eligible bachelor in Toronto.

[LAUGHS THEN BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Hi, I'm Agent Bering.

Well, it's nice to meet you, Agent Bering.

So I just wanted to ask you--

Why I was voted the most eligible bachelor in Toronto?

I'm sure I'll read all about that in your memoir.

- Um, you've been playing rough. - League has a problem with that?

- It's hockey. - You put a guy through the glass. How?

- There must have been a crack in it. - You'd just been injured badly.

Yes, but during a game your adrenaline surges, so you just keep going.

Well, how about now? Are you in pain now?

Look, every player on the ice is in pain. We live with it 24/7.

But if you think I'm on something, feel free to draw some blood.

Or I could pee in a cup for you.

You got a cup?

May I see that necklace you're wearing?

The League is cracking down on gold.

So I would like to test it.

Unless, of course, you have a problem removing it.

[CHUCKLES]

- You finished? - Yeah.

"Gooery" didn't need to be flushed after all. Where you headed?

Uh, Inventory.

Hang back, Tray, I'm gonna need you.

Artie's lying.

Hey, the team is winning because we're all working our butts off.

Oh, yeah? Well, maybe some people have a little help, you know? Insurance.

- We're all clean here. Right, boss? - That's right, Beast.

None of my boys take any performance-enhancing substances.

Now, here's the x-ray you asked for. Mike's arm, taken right after the game.

MYKA: No reaction. Good.

Well, here you go. And it's shinier than before.

And stickier too. Are we done?

- One more question. You like antiquing? - What?

You know, going to flea markets, buying old stuff?

Are you asking me on a date?

Just answer the question, like the team owner said.

No, because it's a stupid question. Goodbye.

There are no stupid questions, okay? Only stupid people.

So if anyone's stupid here, it's you!

He's hostile and unresponsive.

I wonder why.

Oh, here. I got the x-ray of Madden's stupid arm.

So, what, you can read those things?

I was pre-med before I was pre-law, before I joined the Secret Service.

And yet you ended up in the exact same place as me.

- I'm just saying. - Something's wrong.

This hand shows a bilateral fusion between the trapezium and the trapezoid.

- It's a congenital condition. - So? And may I add, huh?

So when I shook Mike's hand...

...I felt those bones and there was no fusion.

PETE: The x-ray's a fake?

This isn't stupid Madden's stupid arm.

We need to break into the medical office and find the real x-ray.

All right, we need a distraction.

I'm gonna jump on the Zamboni and zoom around the ice while you--

Pete, no one's looking at us, so....

- I know, but I wanted to ride the Zamboni. - I know you did.

It's okay. Let's go.

ARTIE: No. No.

[DOG BARKS]

Trailer.

- He's with me. - You shouldn't have followed me.

Artie, you're lying.

You know I can tell.

Now, what's going on?

Artefacts are disappearing. First, it was Bobby Fischer's marbles...

...and now Primo Levi's scarf, and who knows what else has been taken.

The Warehouse had a system that alerts you when artefacts go missing.

It does, but it didn't alert my computer.

- Okay, so let's just call Claudia-- - No, no.

No.

We'll just keep all this between us for now.

- Understood? - Okay.

Well, this can't have been random.

I went myself to Turin in 1987 to snag the scarf.

- So it meant something to you. - Yeah.

What other items would get under your skin?

The katana.

The katana.

Aisle Kamakura East. Come on!

Come on, Tray.

- Did you find Madden's real arm? - Yeah.

There's no fusing in the metacarpals.

And, I mean, the bone is clearly broken, but this? This I have never seen before.

Muscle and cartilage have grown around the broken bone to support it.

That thing's being held together by the artefact equivalent of spit and glue.

Yeah, but it's not just his arm. I mean, his knee is shot and his ribs are cracked.

- This guy should not be playing hockey. - Pete, this guy shouldn't be walking.

MAN: Man. - Quick, before he gets out of the shower.

Okay. Helmet.

The mouth guard.

Shin guard.

- Penis guard. - Ew.

No reaction. Maybe Mike has the artefact on him.

No, he's naked in the shower, and I already checked his chain.

How much not to tell anyone you said that?

- Fifty bucks. Okay. - Done.

MAN 1: That's how it's gonna be? MAN 2: What do you want?

MAN 1: You're holding out on me!

- I'll go. - I'll stay here.

No, I'm not. I swear to God, I'm not.

Then what's making you so strong, huh?

Back off or I'll do to you what I did to Baird.

PETE: Hey, knock it off!

- Stay out of this, man. - No, I'm in it, okay?

And so is the League if you don't back off right now.

Fine, man.

We're cool, right, Mike?

Yeah. Yeah, we're cool.

Oh, man.

These were brand new.

Myka. Myka.

Hey! Sign says team personnel only.

- Oh, well, I must have missed it. - Someone's not very observant.

- Someone's penis guard is not very big-- - Okay.

Why don't we let Mike get dressed, and I need to talk to you.

Okay? Here we go.

- Come on. - Oh, look, there it is.

I see your stupid sign now.

Mykes. Mykes, he was fighting in there.

And he wasn't the same guy we saw on the ice. He was in pain.

I don't think he's using an artefact. I think someone's using one on him.

What about Larry Kemp, the owner? That would explain the wrong x-ray.

Well, okay. Let's just hope he's not in the shower too.

MAN: Thank you, ma'am. Be right back.

- Miss Donovan, thank you for joining me. - Sure.

- Am I late? Did I miss lunch? - No time.

Let's take a walk.

What the mafia says when you're about to get whacked.

Do they? Well, this concerns your relationship with the Warehouse.

Oh, my, uh....

My destiny?

And mine.

Has something changed?

Not yet. I just think it's time you had a glimpse.

Don't worry, you won't be whacked. Come.

Yes, ma'am.

Kemp, spit it out. What did you do to Mike Madden?

Well, hello to you too.

Canadian customs confiscate your manners?

- How's he sustaining that level of play? - Heh.

Like all great athletes, he's rising to the challenge.

He's practically crippled.

That's why you showed us a phoney x-ray.

It's not like you had a warrant.

Mike put a guy through the glass. What are you doing to him?

What am I doing to him?

Two of my best players are on the injured reserve list.

If I were doing anything to help, I'd do it to them...

- ...not an old war horse like Mike. - The guy's having a great year.

He brings it for fans at the home games, and on the road he's a total wash.

I think we're done here.

- Pete? - Yeah?

We need to take a closer look at the rink.

So Mike brings it at home games.

Ipso facto, the artefact must be here in the arena.

Another facto, I was watching Mike during practise.

- The guy was wobbly. - So, what's here during games...

- ...that isn't here the rest of the time? - I don't know, fans?

Mykes, maybe one of the hometown fans is "bringing it" for Mike.

And that narrows it down to about 15,000 suspects.

ARTIE: Gone!

Gone!

And gone!

Gone! Someone is undoing my life's work!

Can you please stop for a second?

Look, we just need to think and get ahead of this thing.

Is there any artefact the intruder might have taken that's easy for us to locate?

An artefact with a homing device? Yeah, that would be convenient.

The McCoy rifle.

I snagged the McCoy rifle.

Don't just stand there!

You do know I'm on foot, right?

Excellent!

The McCoy rifle is gone.

And now we gotta see if the Hatfield rifle is missing too.

We have to separate them.

- Wouldn't he take both? - Not if he's trying to make a point.

I did not snag the Hatfield rifle. That was another agent.

If the Hatfield rifle is here, it will lead us to the McCoy. Come on!

If you're trying to kill me, you're too late.

Look around, Miss Donovan. Do you sense anything?

Hunger? I think there's a falafel place down--

Pay attention.

Look beyond what you see.

Her.

Very good. Don't point, it's rude.

CLAUDIA: What is it about her?

Stay focused.

Be a good boy.

Did you set those earrings aside for me?

This is a robbery!

We're not here to intervene. Stay with me.

Don't move! Don't!

Everybody, just get down on the ground!

[SCREAMS]

No!

No!

[MOUTHING] No.

You're all right.

Help is coming. You're gonna be okay.

You saved that baby's life.

I'm a doctor, if you're not needed, please step back.

Did you know that was gonna happen?

It depends what you mean by "that" and what you mean by "happen."

Well, I saw her bracelet get all glowy...

...but I don't know what the artefact did unless--

Unless that was....

The birth of an artefact.

Imbued by the bravery of a moment.

An ordinary woman doing an extraordinary thing.

- Shouldn't we snag it? - No, it's hers.

It only becomes ours if it starts causing trouble.

But don't-- I thought most artefacts came from bold-faced names.

You know, people with Wikipedia pages.

The creation of an artefact...

...is simply the meeting of an object, a person and a moment.

That's a good glimpse.

- You got a rocking gig, Mrs. F. - Mrs. Frederic.

There's something else you should see.

Oh, uh, am I going with you or...?

Unless you'd like to take the bus.

Okay.

We can't get into specifics...

...but we know one of your fans is boosting your ability to play.

Are there any particular fans that you interact with?

No, I'm polite, but you gotta keep your distance.

We really appreciate this. We know that, um, this might end your season, so--

Well, hey, if I'm getting some kind of outside help...

...I don't want it, that's cheating, and I don't cheat.

Here's the plan. We're gonna gather all your hardcore fans into one section...

...then raffle off a dinner with you after the game.

Early in the game, you'll take a fall and pretend to be hurt.

Like during the last game.

Exactly, and then we'll study them very closely...

...to make sure none of them pulls out a rolling pin.

- A what? - Nothing. Just ignore him.

- Hey, okay, we gotta finish setting up. - No problem, I got it.

Agent Bering. I still don't know your first name.

Oh, it's Myka.

Wow, Mike and Myka.

- Like Papageno and Papagena from-- - Mozart's Magic Flute. Heh.

- You know opera? - Yeah, yeah. Don't tell my teammates.

- Because you never know-- - Hey, can we get going?

Uh, you can play Mike's magic flute later.

I have to go kill him now, so I'm just gonna go.

Get me some popcorn and a tampon...

...because I'm watching a romantic comedy.

What? Shut up.

You and Mike meet, you hate each other, and next thing you know, you're kissing.

- That's crazy. - Yeah? Because love is crazy, Mykes.

That's right, girl. I am the sassy best friend.

We caught a break. Hatfield rifle is still here.

Gloves.

- How's it connected to the other rifle? - Gravitational pull between the barrels...

...fuelled by the hatred between the clans, and also....

Your eyes are younger than mine.

You look through the sights, tell me what you see.

- Just-- - Yeah.

STEVE: It's just a window on what looks like a garage.

- Any identifying landmarks? - Just a giant cow.

Cow?

- Like a cow with lipstick? - Yeah.

I know that cow. It's outside a steakhouse in Featherhead.

Excellent clue. Not a bad lunch. Bring the rifle.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Marry me!

Okay, guys. Make sure you put your name...

...correct information, and your seat number-- Good job.

--for the big raffle after the game.

Oh, well, that's cute. Just, I'm sorry, one card each.

She's always over the top.

Oh, yeah.

- Hey. - Hey.

So are you all set to do this?

Who knows? Sure.

I wish I could tell you more about what's going on, it's just....

- Unexplainable. - Yeah.

Sorry.

Thank you.

When I first met you, I didn't wanna let go then either.

That was kind of unexplainable too.

For good luck?

Look, Mike's kissing someone.

[CROWD WHISTLING]

You go, girl!

[HORN BLARING]

Hey.

Hey there, buckaroo.

I'm the purse inspector.

It's-- I know.

Where's your mom and dad?

Jakey, what are you doing?

Come on. Our seats are over here.

Mike's hurt.

Oh, my God, what the hell is that?

Myka, where'd you go?

MYKA: Pete, I'm in the ladies room behind Section D. I need you now.

- Mykes? - Yeah?

Oh, my God, you're pregnant.

I know.

- You're really, really pregnant. - I know.

- Well, how the hell did that happen? - I don't know!

WOMAN: I'm guessing she had sex.

Pete. You know my....

Oh, Pete, my bra's really not made for these.

- Okay, here, put this on. - Yes.

Oh, my God, I had to get out of there. The smell of ammonia.

I can smell everything now.

All right, well, in advance of what I'm sure I'll do, I apologise.

Right, okay, look, Mykes, somebody whammied you.

You think?

Okay, I know where and when, but I don't know who, what or how.

- Call Artie. - Call Artie.

ARTIE: If Claudia finds out you borrowed her Prius C...

...she'll rake you over the coals.

Joke will be on her then.

- What? - Nothing.

Hey, have you checked out this car's Entune system?

And it's got a Bing and Pandora.

What a relief. If we can't find the artefact, we can customize our music stations.

- Hey, cow. - Yes. I think the garage must be nearby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Hatfield rifle's starting to tug.

That means the McCoy is nearby. Wait. [PHONE BUZZING]

- Artie. - This better be important.

- Artie, I'm pregnant. - Ha, ha. And I'm Mary, Queen of Scots.

What? How did you--?

- Pete. - I didn't even touch her.

Look, Artie, I was at the hockey game, and I felt this pain in my abdomen...

...and then I don't know what happened and I don't know why I'm starting to cry.

- It's hormonal. - Don't say hormonal, okay?

- It makes me wanna cry more. - That's why I never married.

Preaching to the choir.

This came out of nowhere. We thought we were hunting...

- ...for a healing artefact owned by a fan. - A healed athlete, pregnant woman.

This could be a wish-fulfilment artefact instead.

- Myka, what did you touch? - What?

You think that I wished for this? What is wrong with you guys?

Okay, I am very happy for my sister, but I don't wanna be pregnant.

Yeah, well, who else would wish this on you?

Well, I don't know, Artie.

Mike? I mean, we did kiss.

- The rifle. I can't hold still much longer. - Yes. Talk to Mike, and no more kissing!

- He didn't even say goodbye. - He never does.

Okay.

You know, Pete, maybe I don't know myself.

You know, maybe I am jealous of my sister. Maybe I did wish for this.

No, I don't think so.

What makes you say that?

Because I wished for it.

- What? - Well, I don't know, Mykes.

You know, it was just a passing thought.

I mean, I saw this cute kid, and I called him buckaroo.

What would that have to do with me being pregnant?

I've been thinking. Am I ever gonna have a family?

You know? I mean, who wants to share my insane life?

And then I realised that someone already shares my insane life.

Just stop, okay? Stop! I will not start crying again.

Okay, okay, what were you in contact with when you saw that little boy?

The keychain, Mykes.

The keychain, it had a bunch of things on it.

Okay, okay, then we'll find the keychain, we'll neutralise it.

But first, I have to pee.

[GRUNTING]

Close the door!

Hey, are you okay?

What the hell? I could have been shot.

Yeah. I-- Sorry, I kind of forgot you had the rifle.

You forgot?

What? You're on the metronome, you wouldn't have died.

Yeah, but Claudia might have.

Excuse me?

What? No, no. I don't know.

Steve?

You were saying something about Claudia. Please go on.

All right.

Ever since Claudia brought me back, we've been connected.

- Every time I get hurt, she feels the pain. - The weirdness she was talking about.

See, I was afraid that....

With something else. She doesn't know?

No. That's why I've been trying to lay low. To protect her.

- We gotta get you off that metronome. - I don't know if it's possible.

At Warehouse 13, anything's possible.

You know, sometimes.

Yeah, we gotta get this rifle back in the trunk before you get Claudia shot.

Where is she? The one who was sitting here?

She left. She was pissed at Mike for kissing that pretty girl.

- She wasn't that pretty. - Hey, she's pretty!

- You have all the fans' names, right? - Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

There, uh, Judy Giltoy. I even have her address.

- Okay, just give me a push. - Okay.

- All right. Okay. - Here we go.

They're all here.

The katana sword, McCoy rifle.

The Van Gogh.

Mata Hari's stockings.

Primo Levi's scarf.

Artie Nielsen, this is your life.

- You okay? - No, I'm not okay.

This is a massive breach.

Which we stopped.

As soon as everyone is back, we'll track--

No, it's too dangerous to--

There is a protocol. I will inform everyone at the right time.

Let's just get everything back to the Warehouse.

Artie.

Those are shipping supplies. I'm not sure this is everything.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Yep, we're definitely in the right place.

Sorry about stopping, I just really needed Mexican food.

That other burrito was supposed to be for me.

I know.

Hey, check this out.

Turns out Mike did know Judy...

...which explains why she got so mad about the kiss.

MYKA: Pete.

It's the same shot of Judy in both of these pictures.

She Photoshopped herself in.

Yeah.

All right.

"John Giltoy, beloved father and grandfather."

He died recently.

Oh, he was a World War II vet.

Oh, no way.

He survived the Bataan Death March.

He and his buddy, Roy Shrop.

Mykes, listen to this.

"With 20 miles remaining, Shrop fell deathly ill.

The Japanese would have left him for dead, but Giltoy urged him on.

'You can do this', Giltoy told his friend, over and over."

Compelled his friend to perform an extraordinary feat.

He wished so hard, he made it true.

Mykes, there were dog tags on Judy's keys.

I mean, they were probably the grandpa's, right?

So we just wait here for her to come home and snag the artefact.

That's great. But I have to pee again.

- Okay. - Okay.

Hey, Mike.

Mike, hi.

- Would you get in my car, please? - Excuse me?

Do I know you?

Mike, I need you to get in my car.

Pete, she's not coming home.

There's no toothbrush or toothpaste.

The drawers are all open.

She packed in a hurry. She's gone.

Yeah, but where?

- I really appreciate your-- - See, you shouldn't make me do this...

...that I wish your arm wasn't healed.

Okay. Now, let's get in my car before I have to do your knees too.

You know, let's start again.

Hi. I'm Judy...

...and I love you, Mike, and you love me.

You just don't know it yet.

They found his keys and his gym bag on the ground.

Security camera showed a woman shoving him into her car...

- ...but police couldn't read the plates. - All right, thanks.

We'll call you if we hear anything.

Judy has abducted Mike...

...and the police have no idea where they are.

All right, okay. Uh, clue....

Got to focus, focus.

Mykes, can you do your observing thing?

You know, it's kind of hard right now.

Right.

What about your female intuition?

Right? I mean, you've never been more, you know, "female-y," right?

So if you were an emotionally unstable female....

I'm not saying that you are.

I'm not saying that you are, but if you were, where would you take him?

MYKA: There.

Grandpa left Judy the dog tags, his ashes...

- ...and I bet he left her that cabin too. - Get the address from Artie on the way.

Hi.

I made us some hot cider. Hmm?

Heh. Oh, isn't this romantic?

Hi.

How you feeling?

Better. After you fixed my arm.

Again. Heh. You're welcome.

Oh, Mike. Oh, Mike, Mike, Mike.

I have done so much for you.

Now, my plan was to wait until after the championships to tell you...

...but then I saw you kissing that woman.

See, I've been cheering you all season long, Mike.

Wishing you to shoot faster and skate harder...

...and throw that guy through the glass.

Oh, and you didn't even know we were a team.

- I did not. - I know.

So, uh, what do you want from me?

Um, well...

...we could start with a kiss.

Okay.

Yeah. Close your eyes.

Mm.

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

[SCREAMING]

You are gonna wish you didn't do that.

[SNORING]

Whatever you're doing, stop, please. My legs.

See, that's the pain that you would have felt every day...

...if I hadn't wished it away.

Well, wish it away again. Please.

Um, no, I'm sorry.

Not until you learn to behave.

[GRUNTING]

Shh.

Quiet.

Damn it. What's he doing here?

Shh.

Ah. Ow, ow!

- Hey, are you all right? - Not really.

- She went out back, she's got an axe. - Well, never a dull moment.

Dude, your leg's not supposed to bend like that.

I know! Aah!

- Judy? MYKA: Pete!

Mykes?

I don't know how you people found me but I am not in the mood for this!

How much perfume are you wearing?

I'm gonna puke.

- Hey! - Shoot her, Pete!

- I don't have a shot, Mykes. - Drop your gun or I hurt your fat friend.

Hey.

All right, just-- Hey, go easy, okay?

Obviously, my friend is pregnant and harmless.

She tried to shoot me with that weird gun.

I dropped the Tesla and I couldn't pick it up.

Okay.

We're both unarmed. We'll get in the car and forget this ever happened.

No, you won't. You're gonna go get the police.

Which is why I now have to take care of this.

You really shouldn't have come.

I wish your lungs would collapse.

[GASPING]

- No! - I wish you were taking your last breath.

MYKA: Pete!

[CONTINUES GASPING]

Pete!

Pete!

No!

Ha, ha. Nice try, Misery! Surprise!

Back at you!

[SCREAMING]

I hooked it with my toe.

Ha, ha. That's right. Don't mess with the mama bear.

Oh, my God, Pete.

Pete, I think I just peed myself a little.

Pete, hurry, bag the artefact, quick!

Yeah. Yes, yes.

- Pete, quick! - Hold on.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I got my body back!

I have a stomach and a waist and hips.

It's all good. It's goodie good, good, good!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[MIKE SCREAMING]

Oh, my God, I should go check on Mike.

You go, girl. Hey!

- Hey. - Hey.

So, uh, how's Mike?

He's okay. Hockey players can, uh, really handle pain.

Mm. And you?

Well, only my romantic comedy would turn into a Stephen King movie, so....

- Pretty good twist at the end, though. - Yeah, how did you know...

- ...to fake your own death? - I don't know. I just--

After Judy made her wish, right, I realised that I could still breathe.

Of course, you know, she had an axe to your throat...

...so I just kind of, poof, went with it.

- So why didn't the wishing work? - I've been thinking about that too.

Maybe the dog tags just work on people that you love, right?

Like, Judy's grandpa used it on his army buddy...

...Judy used it on Mike, I used it on....

Do I have a booger?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Look closely.

You just admitted that you love me.

Oh, my-- Yeah, I also love fajitas and cage fighting and bald women.

- I mean, Sinead O'Connor? - That's a nice try, Lattimer, okay?

- But face it, I wield tremendous power. - Yes, you wield the power.

I do.

Look, for the record, when it happens for real...

...I think that you'll make a pretty great mom.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, look at the way you protected me today.

And....

I mean, you're really good at nagging.

- We should get going. - See?

I'm just-- I'm gonna go say goodbye to Mike.

I'm not gonna go say goodbye to Mike...

...because, I mean, how many different ways can this movie end?

You know, I'm all out of "you go, girl."

So it'll be talk to the hand from now on.

Is this another artefact being created? Because I don't sense anything.

- Oh, is that Mr. Frederic? - Yes.

He's my grandson.

But he's....

Hi.

So your son is....

Long gone.

Not all wonder is endless, Claudia.