Original subtitles

What's that fool doin'?

Come on, mark.

Are you out of your mind,

Spookin' my horse, an' spoilin' the first drink of cool water,

I've seen in miles?

I'm sorry about your horse, mister, but you can thank me,

For spoilin' your drink. That water is poison.

If this water is poisoned, why isn't there a sign sayin' so?

Well, being this is my property, an' nobody is supposed

To be on it, but my cattle,

Who can't read, I covered it with those planks you took away.

Well, what am I gonna do about my horse?

Mark, go get this man's horse. You better not do that

Again, mister. Next time there might not be anybody around.

Look there! Your gunshot scared me so, I tore my trousers.

I saved your life. If an apology is in order, you've got it.

Well, all right. You live around here?

Over the hill.

Friend, I could use the lend of a needle an' thread,

An' a hot meal, all to be paid for, of course.

Well, I'm not runnin' a general store...

But I guess I can manage a needle an' thread.

You are a diamond of the first order.

I'm speed sullivan...

A friend of the ill, infirmed, and endangered.

And what category am I in?

-The third. -In danger?

Mortal danger, when the huge mallet of force strikes

The mighty heavenly anvil, your life may well be forfeit.

What're you talkin' about?

All in good time, friend, all in good time.

Well, you evidently have more time than I do.

Here comes my son with your horse, we'd better get goin'.

We have to wait a bit.

What for?

My son, he's comin' up with the wagon.

Whoa!

You find any water, dad?

It ain't fit to drink, son.

All right, let's go.

Boy, in our profession,

You gotta keep one eye on the horizon.

An' once in a while it's a good idea to look behind.

See anythin'?

No, an' I've been watchin'.

Good, I'd hate to have that old man die on us. First on

General principals, and second, I understand he's got a couple

Of pretty mean sons.

Them's his tracks, all right.

Yeah, musta passed by here less than two hours ago.

Yeah, we're close. Them busted twigs still losin' sap.

The wagon leaves a trail like a garter snake at a sewing bee.

Come on, I wanna see 'im on a stretchin' rope before sundown.

After what he done to our ol' daddy, hangin' is a shade

An' a half too good for him.

Yah!

I'll have it set-up in just a minute.

This one ain't clean.

Well, then, you wash it.

Why, you are- well, since you're the guest, I will.

You just keep doin' like I tell you,

An' you won't have any trouble.

I suppose you know how to sew, too.

Well, enough to stretch a shirt an extra six months.

Someday you'll make somebody a fine wife.

Listen, I- I'm tryin' to be friendly with you,

But you just won't let me. Now, if my pa hadn't invited

You here, why, I'd just punch you right in the nose.

Suit yourself, boy. I got some things to get out of the wagon.

If you wanna tangle, come on down to the barn,

When you're through.

I'll be there!

Bet you've never seen a demonstration like this before.

No, I haven't.

Now, you turn this wheel, an' the spark will jump

From the end of this rod.

You see that? Now, this is your house.

The wheel is a storm flag, an' this is a lightning rod.

And once again we turn the wheel, an' the storm is

Slowly approachin' the house.

It's approachin', an' the lightning strikes the house,

An' it strikes it again! But it is harmlessly carried away.

But! Watch this.

We now have a house, with no lightning rod,

An' just to expedite the demonstration,

We will place a little kerosene up here.

Just- and there's a touch of the dramatic.

Here we are, an' we have our storm approachin' again. It is

Approachin' an' approachin' and lightning strikes the house!

An' look at that flame, sir, did you see that?

You now have... Your home consigned to the flames.

Sir, only a month ago,

I saw a home that had been struck by lightning.

There was one casualty, a lad.

He was about the same age as your boy. If I'd only been

There a week earlier, even a day.

You cannot afford to deny your son this protection.

Oh, I don't often douse my house with kerosene,

Durin' a lightning storm.

That was merely a demonstration device.

Why did that little house burn?

That was merely a demonstration device. The little house is made

Out of asbestos, it was the kerosene that burned.

It seems to me, I'd be better off, uh, puttin' asbestos

On than your lightning rod.

Sir, your levity pains me.

The... Dishes finished, son?

Yup.

Where're you off to?

Well, I... I've gotta finish a job, in the barn.

Splendid lad.

Only $35 can protect the life of that fine, young lad.

Welcome, friend, welcome.

We're open for trade, any or all, let's deal.

I came down here to whip you!

What for?

You take back what you said.

If I said anythin' to get you mad, consider it taken back.

Let's step over here. See anythin' you like? A genuine,

Swedish steel huntin' knife, handle of imported ivory.

Well, as... Long as you've apologized, let me take a look.

Well, now, let's see what you got to trade, boy.

Ah-ah, don't handle the merchandise, son,

Let's see what you've got to trade.

Well, uh, it's all in there.

well, these are nothin' but a-

Oh, say, uh, those look like genuine indian arrow heads.

Where'd you find this stuff?

Oh, up the canyon aways.

Do you remember exactly where?

Sure, why?

Oh, the arrow heads caught my fancy, that's all. I'll tell

You what, if you give me all

This junk, I'll give you, boy, a real genuine gila monster.

Oh, that's nothin' but a rusty ol' lizard.

Well, you lied to me, didn't you, you little rascal?

But, uh, how about this vest, the, uh, knife, an' the belt?

Are you loco?

I didn't wanna trade anyhow.

Wait a minute, sonny, if we trade,

Will you tell me where you found this stuff?

Well, er, if you, er, promise to do all my chores,

An' cleanin' up while you're stayin' around here.

I - I think we understand each other well enough to keep on talkin'.

All right, let me see.

Now, you just give me $35 an' our man will be

Around in two weeks for the installation.

I'll give you $2 now, an' the rest on installation.

$2?

Why, I'd be cut to the quick if I thought you didn't trust me.

Oh, it's not a matter of trust, it's a way of doin' business.

But I've never sold one of these without at least a $10

Deposit. I'll lose-

$2 it is. Now about yourself personally, luke,

Do you ever have a ringin' sensation in the ears, a heady

Feelin', aches an' pains...

When the clouds hang black over hills?

No, I usually feel pretty good, unless of course I'm thrown

From a horse or shot or snake bitten.

Um-hm, that's the first symptom,

A false sense of well-being.

Now a bit of sullivan's universal panacea will-

I'd hate to upset my... False sense of well-being.

An' ounce o' prevention,

Only $18 a case, it's got an alcoholic content.

Whiskey sells for $12 a case.

This is not a stimulant, sir, this is a preventative. I have

Numerous letters of acclaim that can be shown upon request.

Oh, well, I'd like to see those letters.

You would- you would?

Oh, here come the boys. Ah-

What is he doin', wearin' all your gear?

Ah, we've been tradin'.

Mark, did you slop the hogs yet?

Oh, not yet, pa, comin' swifty?

Oh, yeah, yeah, can I do it?

Uh, I always wanted to learn how to slop hogs.

Well, come on, an' I'll tell you how.

I've never seen a boy so eager to learn about everything.

Say, uh, say, luke, when I was in the bedroom there, washin' my

Face, I noticed those beds- real hair mattresses.

You know how long it's been since I had a bed like that?

6 weeks.

That long?

Um-hm. Yeah, I guess it's for the best though, you shouldn't

Get used to it. Not even for one night. No, swifty an' I,

We're used to the wagon.

It's- it's hard, but- but it makes you hard.

Tell you what, mr. Sullivan,

If you an' swifty would like to have a bed to remember,

Why don't you use ours tonight?

Now, I truly feel like a guest. I have heard of western

Hospitality, but you are an oil paintin' of it, sir.

Er, but where will you sleep?

Oh, I can set up a couple of army cots, right in here.

You are a diamond in the rough, sir. Well, it's getting

Late, I have to take a little evenin' constitutional

Before my bedtime.

Well, I see you boys have finished your chores.

Time for us to take our evenin' constitutional, swifty.

See you in the mornin', mark.

Goodnight, mr. Sullivan, swifty.

Goodnight.

What's the idea of lettin' that farm kid take all your gear?

Didn't I teach you better than that?

Only one reason.

Swifty, you got somethin'?

does the kid know he struck gold?

No.

Where did he find it?

Somewhere close by, he said he'll show me tomorrow.

Man, oh, man. Man, oh, man.

Oh, your mother would have been proud of you, swifty.

Does mccain know about this?

No, an' the kid isn't wise, either.

He just thinks I want his arrow heads.

Boy, we have struck it rich!

You keep that kid in your hip pocket, an' we got it made.

I can handle him.

Yeah, an' I can handle a clodbuster like lucas mccain.

Lucas mccain... It's the one they call the rifleman.

Guess we must be on his property.

That scare you off?

No. Mccain gets in the way,

We'll have to take care o' 'im, too.

My, er, son an' I have been talkin' it over. Do you, er,

Know anythin' about oil?

Thick enough, it'll keep a wheel from squeakin'.

They're doin' great things with it in the east.

Makin' candles, runnin' steam engines with it,

Providing lamp oil, cheaper than whale.

Well, I guess that's progress, mr. Sullivan.

I was, er, crossin' your holdings, an' I thought there

Might be a little, not much,

But a little of the stuff, down below. Now, it probably won't

Come to a thing, but if you would like to sell me the

Mineral rights for a nominal sum, I'd chance it.

How nominal?

I'm not a wealthy man.

Well, neither am I. But if the mineral rights are worth

Somethin' to you, they're worth somethin' to me.

Well, I'll take a chance.

Hundred dollars?

Well, for a hundred dollars, I don't need a partner.

Now, I won't bother you none, won't be comin' around,

You could still run your cattle, just the same as now.

Just what do you get for your hundred dollars?

10 square feet.

10 square feet? I'll have to sleep on it.

Couldn't you give me an answer now?

-The answer now is no. -Why don't you sleep on it?

Pa? This sure is fun, sleepin' in this cots,

Only I wouldn't wanna do it all the time.

Then you know how much they appreciate the use of our

Mattresses. Mark, you got a lot o' good stuff from swifty,

Today, what'd you trade 'im?

Oh, just some arrow heads, an' some cat gold.

From that gold mine o' yours?

Uh-uh.

Oh, so that's it, eh?

What's the matter?

Mark, tomorrow mornin', mr. Speed sullivan is gonna buy

Himself some mineral rights and a lesson.

Mark, would you clean up the table, please, son?

Oh, sure.

Oh, may- may I do it?

I- I love to wash dishes, oh, here.

That is an exceptional boy.

You know, often I've gotta ask mark several times.

Now, mr. Sullivan, what did you say you expect to get

For your hundred dollars?

Uh, um, 10 square feet of your property.

Hmm. Which 10 square feet?

Well, I'm not sure yet, I'd like to, uh, to take my pick.

Well, now, you might want the part that my house is on,

Or my well. If you won't say, the price goes up to $500.

500? That's... That's highway robbery.

I'm sorry, that's the deal.

Look, suppose I guarantee

Not to harm any existing

Structures, would you sell me

The mineral rights to your

Entire holdings an' guarantee me

A 10-foot right of entry at the place of my choosin'?

Do you have $500?

Yeah, but that's all the money I have in the world.

That's up to you, mr. Sullivan, take it or leave it.

I'll take it.

There you are. Now, I took the liberty of drawin' up a contract

Last night, if you'll just sign right there.

Well, let's see.

I think it's all in order.

Oh, we'll have to make two changes.

What's that?

We'll change this $100 to $500.

5, and er...?

And we'll add the clause down here,

"existin' structures remain the same."

I'd like to ride over the property an' look around,

But you're gonna be busy, I, uh, might as well- listen, could,

Uh, could mark show me around?

Well, ask him, he knows every square foot

Of this range better than I do.

Yeah, is that all right with you, mark?

Fine.

Oh, swifty, you comin' along?

Oh, no, no. I wanna learn how to feed the chickens,

Collect eggs, milk the cows, an' clean the barn.

Your boy has been a wonderful influence on my boy.

Looky there. There's the medicine man an' that kid.

Are you sure? Where's their wagon?

I don't know. But there ain't another man who rides a horse

Like that in the territory.

Come on, ha!

It's the watsons, come on, boy, let's get out of here!

Poisoners are easier to catch than gunmen.

Gentlemen, we've all been the victims

Of a tragic, horrible mistake.

Sure have, especially you.

Our old man nearly died from what you sell.

Well, he- he could've died if he drank too much whiskey,

Or too much rain water.

He drank what you sold 'im.

That the boy that delivered it?

Yeah, makes 'im sort of a... Accessory, don't it?

This isn't my pa!

Well, I'm mark mccain, an' you better let me alone

Before my pa hears about this.

Shut up, boy.

Well, let's tie 'em up over here.

-Yeah. -Well, gentlemen, ple-

Please, may I just have a word with you? Gentlemen, when I

Heard of the unfortunate illness of your dear old pappy, I said

If that precious liquid can harm the hair on the head of one of

The lord's creatures, it can't be good, pour it out. Gentlemen,

Sullivan's panacea no longer exits, uh, with that possible

Exception. Wha- what're you gonna do with us? Hmm?

What size o' collar do you wear?

Th- 16. Wh- wh- why?

Cleek, scout around,

See if we happen to bring along a size 16 noose.

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,

Uh, what's gonna happen to my boy?

I'm not his boy! An' you'd better leave me alone.

He's not my boy. He didn't have anythin' to do with it.

What're you gonna do with the boy, marsh?

I'm gonna drink some of this here panacea an' study on it.

It's almost noon, you can ride to the furthest part of this

Ranch in an hour. I wonder if they hit trouble.

Nothin' my pop can't handle.

Your father doesn't wear a gun.

My pop's the fastest mouth in the west.

He can talk his way out of anythin' he gets into.

Can he talk a horse out of steppin' into a gopher hole,

Or a rattlesnake out of bitin' 'im?

Well, no.

Tell me somethin', swifty.

Somebody after the two of you?

Well, you can't make a hit with everybody in the world.

Is it the law?

Maybe they got lost.

Not mark. Who's after you an' your father?

Probably nobody.

Answer me, boy, is it the law?

No! Maybe it's two men. I... I think their name is watson.

The watson brothers, from elwood city?

Yeah.

An' I was worried about rattlesnakes an' gopher holes.

All ready, marsh.

Now, w- w- wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Look, gentlemen, uh, I've got a gold mine.

I'll tell you what I'll do, I'll give it to you if you...

If you let us go, huh?

A gold mine, eh?

Be a shame to let the old man get that sick for nothin'.

Oh, that'll be a shame, yes.

If he does die,

He'd sure be proud to know his boys was took good care of.

He'd love you for it.

You prove it, about that mine?

Trouser pocket.

So you bought some mineral rights.

How do we know the right kinda mineral's on this land?

Shirt pocket.

It's cat gold. Come on.

All right, hold it!

All right, cut 'im loose.

You'd be a fool to jump two men, standin' this far apart.

You'd never swing that rifle in time to get both of us.

At least one of us'll get you.

Well, you just take one more step apart, an' we'll find out.

Get yourself a gunbelt, an' a sportin' gun.

I don't use a gun for sport.

Now, somebody better start movin' real slow, an' cut him loose.

Would you trade that for a real fast move?

You boys should've stayed in the county...

Where your cousin's sheriff. Now, help him up an'

Get off my property. I see you around here again, there'll be

Nobody left to cart you off.

Move!

You all right, son?

Yeah.

You got here just in time. That was mighty close, mr. Mccain.

Better late than never, mr. Sullivan.

Why did they throw this nugget away?

It's worth $60 or $70 pure gold.

Iron pyrite, fools gold.

It's good for a flame for startin' a fire,

But that's about all. My property's full of it.

You know, I've taken a few in my time, an' I've been taken

By a few, but you two are without peer.

I'll tell you, speedy, a good salesman is the easiest man

In the world to sell somethin' to.

You got all my money now.

I wanna wish you all the luck in the world.

What're you gonna do?

Oh, I don't know I- I guess I'll roll across these prairies,

Until I wear down like a tumbleweed.

You know, it took me 6 years to save that $500.

I was gonna use it for my son's education. Now, all I've got to

Pass along to 'im is a sales pitch, the formula for

Sullivan's panacea, and a supply of lightning rods that never gets

Delivered. Well, bye-bye.

Speed, I don't really wan' a partner in my land. Tell you

What, would you like to sell me back those mineral rights?

You mean it?

For $250.

Oh, now, wait a- I paid you $500 for-

Those rights are worth at least-

Course, if you don't want 'em.

You know, you didn't come into this with clean hands.

You were tryin' to cheat me out of a gold mine.

Well, I- I guess when you've plucked as many pigeons

As I have, you shouldn't complain when you loose a few

Feathers yourself, huh? It's a deal.

All right, here's your money.

There you are?

Hey, wait a minute, there's more than 200-

There's $498 there. I didn't wanna keep your money,

I just wanted to teach you a lesson.

Where's the other $2?

That 2 dollars is a refund.

I'm cancellin' out that lightning rod

That doesn't get delivered.

Bye-bye.

Goodbye, speed.