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Season 13 Episode 2
"The Coon"
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The city isn't what it used to be...
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00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:42,957
It all happened so fast.
Everything went to crap.
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00:00:43,340 --> 00:00:46,590
It's like everyone's sense
of morals just disappeared.
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00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:50,880
The bad economy made things worse.
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00:00:51,005 --> 00:00:54,660
The jobs started drying up.
Then the stores had to shut down.
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Then a black man
was elected president.
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00:00:58,966 --> 00:01:01,686
He was supposed to change things.
He didn't.
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00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:05,400
As more and more people
turn to crime and violence,
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00:01:05,525 --> 00:01:07,641
the town becomes gripped in fear.
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00:01:07,766 --> 00:01:10,194
Dark times.
This city needs protection.
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00:01:12,209 --> 00:01:14,036
There is an animal
that lives by night.
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Searches through trash cans
and cleans out the garbage.
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To clean the trash can of society,
I've chosen to become more than a man.
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I am the hero this town needs.
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I am...
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the Coon.
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As the world plummets into despair,
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the Coon fights
to keep order intact.
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Lisa, I had a really
great time tonight.
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I did too, Josh.
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Would you mind
very much if I kissed you?
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Not at all.
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A woman being raped.
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This is what our city
has been reduced to.
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When the money goes
the raping starts.
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Women are helpless without the Coon.
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Oh, yes, Josh! Yes!
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00:02:01,838 --> 00:02:02,892
Let her go!
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- Excuse me?
- You aren't raping anyone tonight!
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00:02:07,910 --> 00:02:09,810
Oh, it's a talking squirrel.
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Get out of here! Get to safety!
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Lisa! Call me!
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00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:21,708
Another woman saved from rape.
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00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:23,674
But how many more
rapists are out there?
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00:02:23,941 --> 00:02:25,436
That really stings.
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00:02:28,769 --> 00:02:30,835
Here's the file on
that Rodriguez case, detective.
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00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,019
All right. Things are
pretty quiet out there, boys.
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Let's try to get caught up
on our paperwork.
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00:02:35,082 --> 00:02:36,864
Murphy, I want you to...
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00:02:38,898 --> 00:02:41,144
Don't let the city's peacefulness
fool you, commissioner.
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It's too quiet.
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00:02:42,821 --> 00:02:45,831
- Oh, not this kid again.
- Hey, you get outta here. Out!
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00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:48,396
There was another rapist
in the park tonight.
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00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:49,770
It's no coincidence.
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00:02:49,895 --> 00:02:52,379
It must be a rapist plot
and it stinks to the top.
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00:02:53,010 --> 00:02:55,772
- What?
- I think the mayor might be involved.
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00:02:55,897 --> 00:02:58,256
It's my theory she has a lesbian
lover who's holding her leash.
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00:02:58,381 --> 00:03:00,519
Jesus Christ.
Can't we get a lock on that window?
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00:03:00,644 --> 00:03:02,445
Look, kid, you need to stop...
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00:03:04,940 --> 00:03:07,394
- He's gone.
- No, I'm just over here now.
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00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:09,919
What do we know about
the mayor's sexual preferences?
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00:03:10,044 --> 00:03:11,988
All right, listen.
You have five seconds to leave
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or I'm gonna put you in jail
and call your parents.
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- Jail's full, sir.
- Whatever. Then we'll put you in...
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00:03:21,137 --> 00:03:22,827
Now I'm back over here.
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00:03:23,149 --> 00:03:25,204
Just get out of here before we...
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I'm right here now.
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- All right. Stop it!
- Yes, I have to go now.
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00:03:32,082 --> 00:03:35,381
But in the meantime, I have
something that might interest you.
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00:03:36,243 --> 00:03:38,551
Make sure all your men get
a look at these, detective.
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What's in here?
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00:03:52,515 --> 00:03:54,215
Hey, guys. Good morning.
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00:03:55,915 --> 00:03:59,777
You guys hear that another rape victim
got saved by a superhero last night?
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00:03:59,902 --> 00:04:01,652
They say it was the Coon.
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00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:04,469
- Who's the Coon?
- I know, right?
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00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:06,151
Who is the Coon?
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00:04:06,276 --> 00:04:08,225
It's what everyone must
be asking themselves.
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00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:11,478
Somebody is dressing up at night
and taking the law into their own hands.
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00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:15,212
As for me, I certainly don't agree
with the Coon's reckless ways.
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00:04:15,537 --> 00:04:18,225
If you ask me, there's no room
in this world for vigilantes.
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00:04:18,350 --> 00:04:20,397
I believe the Coon is a menace.
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00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:24,601
Yeah, and dressing up and running
around at night is faggy anyway.
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00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:26,864
You're a fag, Kyle! Fuck you!
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00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,075
- Dude, what?
- He's not a fag!
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00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:31,838
Why do you care?
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00:04:35,336 --> 00:04:39,104
Well, I'm just mad 'cause
you shouldn't ever use the term "fag".
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00:04:39,229 --> 00:04:42,290
That's a hate word and it's
insensitive to butt pirates.
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00:04:42,415 --> 00:04:44,662
Anyway, what the you think
about the Coon, Stan and Kenny?
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00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:46,606
Do you think he's
the savior this town needs,
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00:04:46,731 --> 00:04:49,225
or do you think
he's a dangerous vigilante?
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00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:50,414
Kenny?
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00:04:51,294 --> 00:04:53,760
And of course the most
common question asked is...
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00:04:53,885 --> 00:04:56,768
Just who is he?
Is he a hero or a menace?
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00:04:57,163 --> 00:05:00,817
While we can all admit that
the Coon is obviously really cool,
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00:05:01,063 --> 00:05:02,727
we should also be asking each other.
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00:05:02,852 --> 00:05:04,970
Why does he care so much
for the people of this town?
88
00:05:05,362 --> 00:05:08,412
Why does he sacrifice himself
every night to rid our streets of crime?
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00:05:08,537 --> 00:05:10,737
And does he really have the right?
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00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:12,966
What we all need to know... Clyde.
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00:05:13,091 --> 00:05:14,975
Could you wake up, please.
This is important.
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00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:18,276
What we all need now is
proof that the Coon exists.
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00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,058
I believe that tonight,
from approximately 5:00 to 5:45,
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00:05:21,183 --> 00:05:23,280
the Coon is going to be
on the roof of Walgreens.
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00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:27,211
I know I'll be there with my camera.
I'm sure many of you will, too.
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00:05:31,899 --> 00:05:34,625
Sometimes it seems
the more criminals I try to stop,
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00:05:35,104 --> 00:05:38,258
the more just come out of
the back alleys and dilapidated bars.
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00:05:38,383 --> 00:05:40,183
The city is a dying whore.
99
00:05:40,308 --> 00:05:43,832
She calls out to me to save her,
and I don't know if I can.
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00:05:43,957 --> 00:05:47,137
But she is still my city.
And I cannot just sit and watch
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00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,055
as innocent people are...
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00:05:49,657 --> 00:05:51,207
Who the hell is that?
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00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:58,103
Who the hell are you?
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00:05:58,228 --> 00:06:00,603
I am an angel keeping watch
over the city at night.
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00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,797
As violence and darkness
take over the streets,
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00:06:02,922 --> 00:06:04,915
I work to rid the streets of crime.
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00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,140
I am the symbol this town needs.
108
00:06:07,731 --> 00:06:10,431
No, no, no.
I'm the symbol this town needs.
109
00:06:12,166 --> 00:06:15,255
Dude, seriously, you can't do that.
Go home. I was doing this first.
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00:06:16,124 --> 00:06:17,905
Yeah-huh!
You heard of the Coon
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00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:20,968
and now you're being a copycat.
Is that your hero name? Copycat?
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00:06:21,093 --> 00:06:22,343
I am Mysterion.
113
00:06:22,468 --> 00:06:26,146
Mysterion? That's fucking retarded.
You just gave yourself away, Craig.
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00:06:26,271 --> 00:06:28,135
Only you would think
of a name that dumb.
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00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:30,636
I might be Craig, an then
again I might not be.
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00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:33,632
My identity must remain a secret.
You cannot know.
117
00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,198
Yeah, well you cannot know
my true identity either.
118
00:06:36,323 --> 00:06:38,910
I assume, you must be Cartman.
Because you're fat.
119
00:06:40,883 --> 00:06:44,007
Well you wrong! I'm not Eric Cartman
and he's not fat!
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00:06:44,132 --> 00:06:47,594
- Care to guess again?
- I really don't care who you are.
121
00:06:47,719 --> 00:06:50,960
Oh, all right Kyle!
Took me real long to figure it out!
122
00:06:51,085 --> 00:06:54,186
Only you Kyle, would be a buzzkill
and try try to steal my thunder.
123
00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,832
You don't care about stopping crime,
you just hate me, Kyle!
124
00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:59,793
Kyle hates, Eric Cartman.
Are you saying, you Eric Cartman?
125
00:07:00,137 --> 00:07:02,165
No, I... I'm saying that...
126
00:07:02,795 --> 00:07:06,499
Goddamn it! Stan, is that you?
It is you, isn't it?
127
00:07:07,659 --> 00:07:09,628
Clyde, you're not a superhero, I am!
128
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:12,932
I cannot stand here and make
idle conversation any longer.
129
00:07:13,057 --> 00:07:15,808
The city needs my help.
There are innocents to protect.
130
00:07:16,363 --> 00:07:19,913
No! Dude, I'm serious.
You're being a copycat! I'll sue you!
131
00:07:21,634 --> 00:07:22,834
Motherfucker!
132
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,560
Which one of them is it?
133
00:07:32,685 --> 00:07:36,535
Somebody is pretending
to be a superhero, but who?
134
00:07:37,590 --> 00:07:39,213
Has to be one
of the guys in my class,
135
00:07:39,338 --> 00:07:42,498
only they know the Coon would be
on the rooftop of the Walgreens.
136
00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:45,873
No. Stop. Can't think about that now.
I have to focus.
137
00:07:46,809 --> 00:07:49,247
Tomorrow is the most important
day in the Coon's life.
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00:07:49,372 --> 00:07:53,089
Everything the Coon has lived and
fought for comes down to tomorrow.
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00:07:53,214 --> 00:07:54,181
Concentrate.
140
00:08:03,337 --> 00:08:06,208
How is it that nobody
came to Coonicon '09?
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00:08:07,344 --> 00:08:09,488
This is just... this is ridiculous!
142
00:08:10,185 --> 00:08:13,951
Got everything you need here, sir?
OK on beverages, buffet items?
143
00:08:14,249 --> 00:08:15,499
Yes, it's fine.
144
00:08:16,010 --> 00:08:18,592
Great. Hey, just want to say
that the airport Hilton really
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00:08:18,717 --> 00:08:20,999
appreciates your continued business.
146
00:08:21,124 --> 00:08:23,451
What do you mean "continued"?
You don't know who I am.
147
00:08:23,576 --> 00:08:25,758
Aren't you the little boy
who had his ginger pride rally
148
00:08:25,883 --> 00:08:27,748
and his aids benefit here before?
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00:08:27,873 --> 00:08:31,187
- No! I'm not that kid!
- Oh, really? My bad.
150
00:08:31,747 --> 00:08:34,685
I'm actually relieved.
That kid was kind of a douche bag.
151
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:37,683
You're a fucking douche bag!
Get out of here!
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00:08:46,963 --> 00:08:49,433
Oh, hello, sweetie.
What did you do today?
153
00:08:49,558 --> 00:08:51,433
I got boned. That's what I did, mom!
154
00:08:51,558 --> 00:08:54,185
I try to do good stuff
and nobody ever notices.
155
00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:55,809
Oh, what happened, hon?
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00:08:55,934 --> 00:08:59,507
I can't tell you what happened,
it's about my super secret double life!
157
00:08:59,632 --> 00:09:03,458
Tonight, an incredible story
of an unknown child in South Park
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00:09:03,839 --> 00:09:07,004
who has taken to the streets
in an effort to fight crime.
159
00:09:07,597 --> 00:09:08,505
What?
160
00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:12,009
But who exactly is Mysterion?
161
00:09:12,998 --> 00:09:13,912
What?
162
00:09:14,037 --> 00:09:17,055
Curious crowds
in the town of South Park, Colorado.
163
00:09:17,223 --> 00:09:19,391
They've brought binoculars,
and cameras to try and get
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00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,727
a shot of the mysterious superhero.
165
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,022
He was dressed mostly in
black with a kind of cloak.
166
00:09:25,478 --> 00:09:28,415
He jumped down from the fire escape
stairs and then he just ran off.
167
00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:29,914
We barely got a look at him.
168
00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:31,914
To me it looked like
Mysterion to me.
169
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:34,163
Everyone who seen
Mysterion say yeah!
170
00:09:34,288 --> 00:09:35,288
Yeah!
171
00:09:36,163 --> 00:09:39,523
Well, I think he's kind of
a symbol for the town, you know?
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00:09:39,648 --> 00:09:42,748
A symbol that everyone who's
sick of crime can rally behind.
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00:09:43,477 --> 00:09:44,750
Fucking butthole.
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00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:47,039
Well, if you ask me, he's a menace.
175
00:09:47,164 --> 00:09:49,630
There's no room for
vigilantism in today's world.
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00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:54,044
The artist rendition of Mysterion has
already generated thousands of copies.
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00:09:54,652 --> 00:09:56,163
You've got to be kidding me!
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00:09:56,288 --> 00:09:58,446
As hundreds of people
gather to try and get a glimpse
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00:09:58,571 --> 00:10:00,778
of the superhero,
one question remains...
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00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:02,253
Who is Mysterion?
181
00:10:02,792 --> 00:10:05,312
Who is Mysterion?
Who is he? Who could he be?
182
00:10:05,629 --> 00:10:08,625
If you have any idea about
the true identity of Mysterion,
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00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,442
please, call the 9 News hotline.
184
00:10:19,698 --> 00:10:23,699
I could no longer sit by
as my city became a cesspool of crime.
185
00:10:26,116 --> 00:10:28,418
I have lived
in South Park all my life.
186
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:31,595
I decided it was up to
me to keep town safe.
187
00:10:33,095 --> 00:10:35,545
Nobody at school
knows my double life.
188
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,970
To them, I'm just
another fourth grader.
189
00:10:38,469 --> 00:10:41,113
But tonight, I am Mysterion.
190
00:10:42,658 --> 00:10:44,719
Ah, Mysterion,
thank god you've come.
191
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,283
What news do you have?
192
00:10:46,408 --> 00:10:48,220
There's some graffiti
on the bridge again.
193
00:10:48,345 --> 00:10:50,193
I think those sixth
grade kids are doing it.
194
00:10:50,318 --> 00:10:52,609
And the guy at the movie theater
is harassing Mexicans again.
195
00:10:52,966 --> 00:10:54,659
We'll get right on it, Mysterion.
196
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,863
Thank you.
Thank you for all your help.
197
00:10:59,914 --> 00:11:01,482
Godspeed, Mysterion!
198
00:11:01,946 --> 00:11:05,696
You are a beacon of hope in
an otherwise bleak and dreary world!
199
00:11:09,909 --> 00:11:13,213
Dude, seriously. I'm gonna kick
the shit out of you if you don't stop.
200
00:11:13,982 --> 00:11:15,292
The city needs my help.
201
00:11:15,417 --> 00:11:18,010
- It cries for protection and I will...
- answer the call to save her!
202
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:19,670
That's what I'm supposed to say!
203
00:11:19,795 --> 00:11:22,806
- I know it's you, Kyle. So just stop.
- I don't have time for this.
204
00:11:27,802 --> 00:11:30,164
Fireworks are illegal
in Colorado, you asshole!
205
00:11:30,289 --> 00:11:31,989
Hey, he's got fireworks!
206
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:42,393
So guys, any of you do anything
interesting last night?
207
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:44,017
- Not really.
- Really?
208
00:11:44,142 --> 00:11:46,592
Nobody was playing
with any fireworks?
209
00:11:47,781 --> 00:11:49,432
Dude, what the hell?
210
00:11:49,945 --> 00:11:51,918
Kenny! I should have known!
211
00:11:52,531 --> 00:11:55,404
Why do you have a picture of
Mysterion in your locker, Kenny?
212
00:11:55,529 --> 00:11:57,364
Unless you are Mysterion!
213
00:11:57,489 --> 00:11:59,567
Dude, I have a picture of
Mysterion in my locker, too.
214
00:11:59,692 --> 00:12:01,345
- Yeah, so do I.
- What? Why?
215
00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:03,359
I don't know.
It's just a cool costume.
216
00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:04,924
It's not a cool costume!
217
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,749
He just wears his
underwear over his pants!
218
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,954
Now come on!
Which one of you guys is it?
219
00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:12,579
How are you so sure
Mysterion is a boy?
220
00:12:14,429 --> 00:12:15,597
Fucking bitch.
221
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:26,036
I had no choice.
I was at the end of my rope.
222
00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:30,698
Sometimes when
a superhero needs answers,
223
00:12:30,823 --> 00:12:32,959
he has to turn to on
the wretched underbelly of society.
224
00:12:35,917 --> 00:12:37,923
Look what the cat dragged in.
225
00:12:38,570 --> 00:12:40,239
Come out where I can see you.
226
00:12:40,364 --> 00:12:42,864
What's the matter, Coon? Nervous?
227
00:12:43,469 --> 00:12:46,782
I didn't want to resort to this,
but he could have the answers I need.
228
00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:48,225
How utterly delightful.
229
00:12:48,673 --> 00:12:50,394
The heroic and mighty Coon.
230
00:12:52,403 --> 00:12:54,564
Come to put a stop to me again.
231
00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:57,275
Chaos. I need to keep on my toes.
232
00:12:57,865 --> 00:12:59,981
I'm not here to stop
you this time, Chaos.
233
00:13:00,106 --> 00:13:01,556
I need information.
234
00:13:02,231 --> 00:13:03,490
Oh, I'm sure you do.
235
00:13:04,296 --> 00:13:05,896
But you see I...
236
00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:08,870
But you see I also know
you like to beat me up.
237
00:13:09,341 --> 00:13:11,231
I didn't call you to fight, Chaos.
238
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:13,314
I came to see if you know
Mysterion's identity.
239
00:13:13,439 --> 00:13:14,501
Oh, I'm close!
240
00:13:14,758 --> 00:13:18,548
And I'll put an end to him
and all of you goodie two shoe heroes.
241
00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,547
- I'm not on his side.
- Do you think I'm a fool?
242
00:13:21,672 --> 00:13:23,802
All those times you've stopped
me from my acts of evil.
243
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,956
All those times
you tricked me into meeting you
244
00:13:26,081 --> 00:13:27,848
and then gave me titty-twisters!
245
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,684
Not this time, Coon.
246
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,824
I finally learned my lesson.
247
00:13:31,949 --> 00:13:33,549
Now! General Disarray!
248
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,182
Yeah!
249
00:13:39,564 --> 00:13:41,614
Oho, careful, general Disarray.
250
00:13:42,634 --> 00:13:44,850
Stop! You little
butthole, knock it off!
251
00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:47,035
Yeah! We beat him, general Disarray!
252
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,662
Listen to me! I want
to help you get rid of Mysterion!
253
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:52,873
Let him go, general Disarray.
254
00:13:54,974 --> 00:13:56,376
Why would you help us?
255
00:13:56,975 --> 00:13:58,503
Because Mysterion is trying to...
256
00:14:00,787 --> 00:14:02,512
Little fucker! That fucking hurt!
257
00:14:03,001 --> 00:14:05,888
Because Mysterion is trying to
say he's the hero this town needs.
258
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:07,413
But that's my job.
259
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:10,725
- But you both fight for justice.
- Yeah, but he's a dick!
260
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,599
I want him gone just
as much as you do.
261
00:14:12,724 --> 00:14:13,610
Very well.
262
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:16,350
I will show you what we know
about Mysterion's identity.
263
00:14:16,475 --> 00:14:19,257
- But if this is some kind of set-up...
- Look, I'm the good guy, Chaos.
264
00:14:19,382 --> 00:14:22,096
- I don't betray people.
- Oh, yeah.
265
00:14:23,692 --> 00:14:25,974
I didn't like working
with this scumbag,
266
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:29,685
but I knew Mysterion was out there,
plotting his next move.
267
00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:36,499
Hello, Kyle.
268
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:37,876
What the...
269
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,712
Do not be afraid.
I mean you no harm.
270
00:14:41,099 --> 00:14:43,089
Hey, hey, you're that Mysterion kid!
271
00:14:43,503 --> 00:14:46,301
Yes, but now I believe someone
is trying to learn my true identity.
272
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:48,546
Dude, everyone's trying to
figure out who you are!
273
00:14:48,671 --> 00:14:51,729
I cannot be unmasked, for then
I would stop being a symbol.
274
00:14:51,854 --> 00:14:52,730
I need help.
275
00:14:52,855 --> 00:14:56,264
Somebody who can do background
checks for me, do some investigating.
276
00:14:56,389 --> 00:14:57,938
Who? Me? Why?
277
00:14:58,241 --> 00:15:00,357
Because I think you are
the smartest kid in class.
278
00:15:03,887 --> 00:15:04,905
This way!
279
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,739
We will now show you
our secret headquarters of Doom!
280
00:15:08,203 --> 00:15:10,189
You guys have
your own storage facility?
281
00:15:10,314 --> 00:15:12,301
Actually, it belongs
to general Disarray's grandma,
282
00:15:12,426 --> 00:15:14,076
but she lets us use it.
283
00:15:17,058 --> 00:15:19,543
This is where we come up
with all our evil plans!
284
00:15:20,037 --> 00:15:21,887
Here's our computer relays.
285
00:15:22,332 --> 00:15:26,322
And this is like a cube of Chaos that
can destroy the world in one second.
286
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:31,344
And here's some of our evil minions.
287
00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,924
We have everything we need here!
288
00:15:34,049 --> 00:15:36,675
Can I offer you a Coke
or a Sprite or something?
289
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,853
I'll take a Sprite.
290
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:40,522
Get the Coon
a Sprite, general Disarray.
291
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:44,609
As you can see, we too have been
working hard on Mysterion's identity.
292
00:15:45,169 --> 00:15:47,553
You have an entire wall
dedicated to Mysterion?
293
00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:50,817
What about... Do you still have that
"who is the Coon" t-shirt I gave you?
294
00:15:51,085 --> 00:15:53,080
Oh, yeah.
I think that's around here somewhere.
295
00:15:53,205 --> 00:15:56,903
Using our photos, we are trying
to pinpoint Mysterion's identity.
296
00:15:58,103 --> 00:16:00,918
Why is cartman crossed out?
He could be Mysterion.
297
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,094
No, he's too fat.
298
00:16:02,219 --> 00:16:05,505
Based on his body type, it's gotta
be someone like Stan or Kyle.
299
00:16:13,579 --> 00:16:15,550
All right, all right, look, Chaos.
300
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,303
Just set up a video camera.
301
00:16:17,428 --> 00:16:20,928
I know how we can put an end
to Mysterion once and for all.
302
00:16:25,623 --> 00:16:29,619
The clock is ticking and the citizens
of South Park are gripped in fear.
303
00:16:29,744 --> 00:16:33,748
Two days ago, an evil unknown terrorist
threatened major consequences
304
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,494
if Mysterion does not
reveal his identity.
305
00:16:37,136 --> 00:16:38,987
Mark my words, South Park!
306
00:16:39,112 --> 00:16:41,925
Your precious hero
is now your undoing!
307
00:16:42,628 --> 00:16:46,333
If Mysterion does not unmask
himself publicly by Wednesday night,
308
00:16:46,650 --> 00:16:48,498
I am going to blow up...
309
00:16:48,623 --> 00:16:49,727
a hospital...
310
00:16:49,852 --> 00:16:52,770
Blow up a hospital?
I'm not gonna blow up any hospital!
311
00:16:52,895 --> 00:16:54,451
Are you nuts? What?
312
00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:58,118
The choice is yours, Mysterion.
313
00:16:58,243 --> 00:17:00,643
Unmask yourself
or hundreds will die.
314
00:17:02,249 --> 00:17:03,399
Jesus Christ!
315
00:17:03,673 --> 00:17:07,188
Since the threat was issued there
has been no sign of the Mysterion.
316
00:17:07,313 --> 00:17:08,818
Where is Mysterion?
317
00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:11,137
Where is Mysterion?
318
00:17:14,282 --> 00:17:17,669
Hey, Coon. We aren't actually
going to blow up anything, are we?
319
00:17:17,794 --> 00:17:21,282
If you don't make good on your threats,
then what good are your threats?
320
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,560
But you really won't
to blow up a hospital?
321
00:17:23,685 --> 00:17:25,311
I mean, aren't you a good guy?
322
00:17:25,436 --> 00:17:28,810
Sometimes blowing up hospitals
is for the greater good, Chaos.
323
00:17:28,935 --> 00:17:30,376
You know I've been thinking.
324
00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:33,143
If we're really evil villains,
then we should betray him
325
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:35,468
and blow him up with the hospital.
326
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:37,746
You know, you're a little
scrotum licker, dude.
327
00:17:37,871 --> 00:17:40,345
Why don't you shut the up?
All right, Chaos.
328
00:17:40,470 --> 00:17:42,809
I'm gonna get the triggers
for these things at Ace Hardware.
329
00:17:42,934 --> 00:17:44,562
Keep an eye on this stuff.
330
00:17:45,113 --> 00:17:49,099
Oh, jeez. General disarray, this is
a lot more than I ever really intended.
331
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:53,236
I mean, I hate the world
and all its puny inhabitants and all,
332
00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:55,961
but blowing up
a hospital just seems mean!
333
00:18:03,111 --> 00:18:04,361
Oh, hamburgers!
334
00:18:05,806 --> 00:18:08,044
Mysterion, I...
335
00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:11,936
Why are you doing this?
This isn't your usual M.O., Chaos.
336
00:18:12,061 --> 00:18:14,765
Well, you... I was just...
and then the Coon
337
00:18:14,890 --> 00:18:17,540
showed up and he was...
338
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:22,461
What is that?
339
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:27,747
Look!
340
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:30,310
Mysterion and Professor
Chaos are fighting.
341
00:18:30,435 --> 00:18:32,135
Give him hell, Mysterion!
342
00:18:36,003 --> 00:18:38,575
Look out, Mysterion.
General Disarray is behind you!
343
00:18:41,156 --> 00:18:43,606
Jesus Christ.
We need backup out here!
344
00:18:44,919 --> 00:18:46,876
I think I can get
a shot at Chaos, sir!
345
00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:49,302
You think your bullets can hurt him?
346
00:18:54,999 --> 00:18:56,299
Yeah! We did it!
347
00:18:59,624 --> 00:19:02,807
He's dead.
Mysterion is dead!
348
00:19:03,311 --> 00:19:04,311
No!
349
00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:09,865
The impossible has happened.
350
00:19:10,311 --> 00:19:13,690
Mysterion, beloved protector
of the city,
351
00:19:14,178 --> 00:19:16,613
is dead.
Who will save us now?
352
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,281
Wait! Look!
353
00:19:21,171 --> 00:19:22,498
He's all right!
354
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,460
Oh, my god! Look, everyone!
It's the Coon!
355
00:19:31,973 --> 00:19:33,583
Fear not, everyone.
356
00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:36,999
- The Coon is here to save the day!
- Isn't that Bruce Vilanch?
357
00:19:37,124 --> 00:19:40,386
Be careful, Bruce Vilanch. There's
super humans fighting right over there.
358
00:19:42,437 --> 00:19:45,650
OK, sorry. Sorry.
I give up. Please, I give up.
359
00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:48,926
Don't worry, Mysterion.
The Coon will now help you.
360
00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:52,267
Whoa, wait! I thought
we were working together...
361
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,317
Oh, jeez. I think I broke a tooth.
362
00:19:58,522 --> 00:20:00,311
That was great teamwork, Mysterion.
363
00:20:00,436 --> 00:20:02,736
South Park is safe, until next time.
364
00:20:03,114 --> 00:20:04,274
What next time?
365
00:20:04,399 --> 00:20:06,673
People are obviously
so desperate to learn your identity
366
00:20:06,798 --> 00:20:08,185
that they'll do anything.
367
00:20:08,310 --> 00:20:10,459
Won't be long before
the next villain comes along
368
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,086
and threatens violence
unless you take off your mask.
369
00:20:16,576 --> 00:20:19,997
Citizens, tonight has shown me
that I have no choice,
370
00:20:20,122 --> 00:20:21,672
but to unmask myself.
371
00:20:21,925 --> 00:20:25,123
Don't do it, Mysterion!
If you show your identity, we'll be
372
00:20:25,248 --> 00:20:27,183
forced to arrest you
for being a vigilante.
373
00:20:27,511 --> 00:20:28,870
Don't you think he knows that?
374
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:31,454
But superheroes know that sometimes
you have to sacrifice yourself
375
00:20:31,579 --> 00:20:34,524
- for the greater good!
- Don't show your face, Mysterion.
376
00:20:34,874 --> 00:20:36,359
You have to be a symbol!
377
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:40,280
So that the next terrorist can threaten
us if he doesn't unmask himself?
378
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,273
No, it's true.
379
00:20:42,398 --> 00:20:46,153
As long as my identity is a mystery,
this will just happen again and again.
380
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:47,601
It has to end.
381
00:20:48,102 --> 00:20:49,788
I will show my face.
382
00:20:59,271 --> 00:21:00,486
Well, I'll be.
383
00:21:01,165 --> 00:21:03,553
I knew it was you!
Remember I even said it before!
384
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,575
Wow, a kid from
my class was Mysterion.
385
00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:09,656
Well, I'm sorry,
but you're under arrest.
386
00:21:09,781 --> 00:21:11,331
Take the kid to jail.
387
00:21:13,379 --> 00:21:15,923
My entire plan worked to perfection.
388
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,802
My work here is done.
389
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,946
With Mysterion out of the way,
the Coon can finally go back
390
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,864
to keeping the city safe.
391
00:21:24,441 --> 00:21:27,160
Once again, I alone am the symbol
this town can stand behind.
392
00:21:28,730 --> 00:21:30,455
Every town needs a hero.
393
00:21:31,347 --> 00:21:32,595
Every town needs...
394
00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,074
a Coon.
395
00:21:41,717 --> 00:21:44,664
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