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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,423 Season 13 Episode 1 "The Ring" 2 00:00:36,215 --> 00:00:37,569 Would you look at that? 3 00:00:38,222 --> 00:00:39,873 It's just incredible, isn't it? 4 00:00:40,523 --> 00:00:43,889 I still can't believe it, even though it's right in front of me. 5 00:00:44,014 --> 00:00:46,003 Yeah, it's just so... astounding! 6 00:00:46,761 --> 00:00:49,372 Well believe it, friends. The impossible has happened. 7 00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:52,301 Kenny has a girlfriend. 8 00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,077 Yeah, a fifth grade girlfriend. 9 00:00:55,202 --> 00:00:57,813 This is serious. They been going out for almost two weeks now. 10 00:00:57,938 --> 00:01:00,528 - So... who is she? - Her name's Tammy Warner. 11 00:01:00,653 --> 00:01:03,646 She's the only girl in school who's family is actually poorer than Kenny's. 12 00:01:04,358 --> 00:01:06,774 It's really kind of beautiful, if you'll ask me. 13 00:01:07,157 --> 00:01:09,894 You, guys! You, guys, I think we have a big problem! 14 00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:11,420 - What? - Well, 15 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:14,377 apparently Kenny has a girlfriend! 16 00:01:14,627 --> 00:01:16,775 Yeah dude, Tammy Warner, she is a fifth-grader. 17 00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:18,295 Does Kenny like her? 18 00:01:18,420 --> 00:01:20,621 I guess so, she's like his first will girlfriend ever. 19 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,708 - Oh, no! Oh, jeez! - Butters, what's the problem? 20 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:27,421 I've just talked to Brad Dickson. Tammy Warner is bad news. 21 00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,413 All the fifth-graders call her a slut. 22 00:01:29,538 --> 00:01:33,538 On account that she gave Dave Darsky a BJ in the parking lot of TGI Friday's. 23 00:01:34,309 --> 00:01:35,859 - What? - It's true! 24 00:01:36,109 --> 00:01:38,848 Ask anybody in fifth grade! Tammy Warner is a total slut! 25 00:01:39,130 --> 00:01:40,312 That bitch! 26 00:01:40,562 --> 00:01:43,310 Kenny's gave his heart to her and she just gonna throw it in face. 27 00:01:43,618 --> 00:01:45,291 Kenny deserves to know, fellas. 28 00:01:45,416 --> 00:01:49,267 If you guys found up my girlfriend was a raging whore, I'd want you to tell me. 29 00:01:51,218 --> 00:01:52,737 All right... come on, guys. 30 00:01:55,382 --> 00:01:57,186 Hey, Jimmy. What's a BJ? 31 00:01:57,910 --> 00:02:00,303 {\So anyway I passed him a note but then Johnny got...} 32 00:02:01,427 --> 00:02:03,519 - Kenny! Hey, Kenny! - (Hey, guys.) 33 00:02:04,284 --> 00:02:07,203 Listen, Kenny. We need to talk about your new friend. 34 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,328 (What about her?) 35 00:02:09,744 --> 00:02:11,267 - Oh, boy... - Kenny, 36 00:02:11,517 --> 00:02:13,767 we know you really like this girl, but... 37 00:02:13,892 --> 00:02:14,983 (But what?) 38 00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:17,832 Well... we've heard that she's... 39 00:02:18,557 --> 00:02:22,053 Kenny! Your girlfriend is a notorious whore. 40 00:02:22,788 --> 00:02:24,812 She even gave a kid named Dave Darsky a BJ 41 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:27,387 in a parking lot of TGI Friday's. 42 00:02:28,663 --> 00:02:30,351 Your girlfriend is a slut, dude. 43 00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:39,867 He took it pretty well. 44 00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:43,664 - (Hi, Tammy!) - Hi, Ken. 45 00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:45,651 You decided what you wanna do after school? 46 00:02:45,776 --> 00:02:47,982 (I was thinking we should go to TGI Friday's.) 47 00:02:48,107 --> 00:02:50,854 - TGI Friday's? - (Yeah, could be lots of fun!) 48 00:02:50,979 --> 00:02:51,921 Yeah, OK. 49 00:02:52,555 --> 00:02:53,555 But... 50 00:02:54,464 --> 00:02:58,366 Kenny, listen. There's something I need to tell you about. 51 00:02:58,491 --> 00:03:00,508 There's a lot of rumors going around about me. 52 00:03:00,633 --> 00:03:02,358 That I agreed to give a boy a BJ. 53 00:03:02,943 --> 00:03:04,626 Well, It's true. 54 00:03:05,098 --> 00:03:07,083 But it was before you and I were together, 55 00:03:07,208 --> 00:03:08,776 and it wasn't my fault. 56 00:03:08,901 --> 00:03:11,205 See, I was watching the Disney Channel. 57 00:03:11,330 --> 00:03:13,657 And that show came on, with the Jonas Brothers. 58 00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:16,642 - (Jonas Brothers?) - You know that teenage boy band? 59 00:03:17,036 --> 00:03:19,710 Every time I see them I get so... tingly. 60 00:03:19,835 --> 00:03:21,605 I just completely lose control. 61 00:03:21,730 --> 00:03:24,906 And then Dave Darsky showed up and took me to the TGI Friday's. 62 00:03:25,031 --> 00:03:26,874 And... It just happened. 63 00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:30,054 But it was only for one second and I had my eyes closed. 64 00:03:30,179 --> 00:03:31,787 I know it's terrible. 65 00:03:32,615 --> 00:03:34,875 Can you... can you forgive me, Ken? 66 00:03:40,824 --> 00:03:44,391 There you are, young man. Two tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert. 67 00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,599 Thanks! 68 00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:49,538 The Jonas Brothers? Dude, Kenny, what the hell is wrong with you? 69 00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,679 Aren't they those queermos on the Disney Channel? 70 00:03:51,804 --> 00:03:54,367 (They get Tammy all hot and then she'll give me a BJ.) 71 00:03:54,492 --> 00:03:56,646 - A BJ? - You want Tammy to give you a BJ? 72 00:03:56,771 --> 00:03:58,155 (Of course, dude!) 73 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:01,475 Kenny! You gonna let a girl put her mouth on your wiener? 74 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,445 Do you know how disgusting that is? 75 00:04:03,570 --> 00:04:06,449 - Girl's mouths are full of germs! - Yeah, dude, that's gross. 76 00:04:06,574 --> 00:04:08,998 - (It's OK, I'll have protection.) - What kind of protection? 77 00:04:10,475 --> 00:04:11,834 (A box of condoms, please?) 78 00:04:12,638 --> 00:04:15,546 Box of condoms? Certainly, little boy. What kind would you like? 79 00:04:16,801 --> 00:04:19,645 - (I'll take those over there.) - These here? Certainly. 80 00:04:21,658 --> 00:04:22,887 (Cool!) 81 00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:25,513 Kenny, aren't you a little too young for this? 82 00:04:25,638 --> 00:04:27,292 (I'm not young, I want a BJ!) 83 00:04:27,417 --> 00:04:29,868 Just because you've got condoms doesn't mean you're safe, Kenny. 84 00:04:29,993 --> 00:04:33,050 Statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet 85 00:04:33,175 --> 00:04:34,648 is the mouth of an American woman. 86 00:04:34,773 --> 00:04:36,869 And you're gonna let that near your penis? 87 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:42,031 {\THE JONAS BROTHERS LIVE - TONIGHT} 88 00:04:48,316 --> 00:04:51,123 Kenny, you're the best for bringing me here. Isn't this awesome? 89 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,886 I'm ready... to get it on. 90 00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,680 But there's no getting on, 91 00:05:06,999 --> 00:05:08,378 till I'm ready. 92 00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:10,725 It's too soon. 93 00:05:11,229 --> 00:05:12,831 Slow down. 94 00:05:13,476 --> 00:05:15,497 - Take it easy, young girl. - My giny tickles! 95 00:05:15,622 --> 00:05:17,453 I need your love, baby! 96 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,674 - Can't wait till the day I kiss you. - Oh, my God! It's start tingling again! 97 00:05:21,799 --> 00:05:25,115 Until then I have to tease you. 98 00:05:25,838 --> 00:05:27,493 'Cause my mom doesn't like it 99 00:05:27,774 --> 00:05:29,684 - when I'm naughty. - I love you! 100 00:05:30,067 --> 00:05:32,166 She'll make me clean my room 101 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:34,162 if I'm naughty, baby! 102 00:05:35,688 --> 00:05:37,512 - I'm hot... - He's hot... 103 00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:40,130 Tell me how was that in love... 104 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,133 You'll take your love and go... 105 00:05:44,408 --> 00:05:46,695 Was it 'cause I wanted to wait 106 00:05:46,945 --> 00:05:50,671 till we were married to put my arm around you? 107 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,601 Seasons change, 108 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:53,810 baby. 109 00:05:54,289 --> 00:05:56,427 And the world goes around you round, round... 110 00:05:56,552 --> 00:05:59,100 Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna take my time, 111 00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:02,945 Can't wait till you are mine but it might be a while. 112 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:06,012 'Cause... Yeah, yeah, girl, we can take it slow. 113 00:06:06,137 --> 00:06:09,702 So we have room to grow, and then someday we can do it call! 114 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,913 You're so hot, Kevin, I love you too! 115 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,040 Until then, go back to Montreal. 116 00:06:16,548 --> 00:06:18,918 'Cause I still love you, baby... 117 00:06:19,043 --> 00:06:20,533 Love you, baby! 118 00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:22,041 Baby! 119 00:06:25,261 --> 00:06:27,450 Good night, Denver, we love you all! 120 00:06:27,575 --> 00:06:29,181 We love you, Denver! 121 00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,356 Good night! 122 00:06:35,404 --> 00:06:37,769 Oh, my God! I'm so worked up. 123 00:06:38,019 --> 00:06:40,540 - I just want to attack you, Kenny! - (All right!) 124 00:06:40,665 --> 00:06:42,139 (Let's go to the parking lot!) 125 00:06:44,434 --> 00:06:46,784 And you too, little girl in the red. 126 00:06:48,082 --> 00:06:50,288 Band want you to come backstage. 127 00:06:50,538 --> 00:06:52,453 You too, little girl with the puppy t-shirt. 128 00:06:54,772 --> 00:06:57,272 They want me to come backstage? Oh, my God! 129 00:06:57,397 --> 00:07:00,699 - (But, we have to do another thing!) - It's a dream come true! 130 00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,476 All right, right this way, girls. 131 00:07:04,601 --> 00:07:07,014 Yeah, come on in everyone. The band is waiting for you. 132 00:07:07,139 --> 00:07:10,239 - Oh, not you. - (Fuck that, I bought the tickets!) 133 00:07:11,596 --> 00:07:13,248 (Hey, let me in!) 134 00:07:14,118 --> 00:07:16,351 Jonas Brothers will be right out, girls. 135 00:07:17,096 --> 00:07:18,645 Why did they call us back here? 136 00:07:19,076 --> 00:07:21,065 They must wanna have sex with us. 137 00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:24,321 - What? You think so? - Sure, they're a band. 138 00:07:24,571 --> 00:07:27,154 They called us back here so we can give 'em blowjobs. 139 00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,509 I'm not doing it. 140 00:07:28,634 --> 00:07:30,877 Just 'cause they're rockstars doesn't mean I'll do that. 141 00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:32,802 I'm not giving a blowjob to anybody! 142 00:07:32,927 --> 00:07:35,227 - Me neither. - Here we are, girls! 143 00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:40,122 Hey, listen. We saw ya out there in the audience. 144 00:07:40,247 --> 00:07:42,503 Yeah, you were getting a little crazy out there. 145 00:07:42,916 --> 00:07:45,172 Let's just get to the blow jobs. 146 00:07:46,017 --> 00:07:47,091 Blow-what? 147 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,568 I don't know. Look, we called you back here 148 00:07:49,693 --> 00:07:52,007 because we want to share our love of Christ with you. 149 00:07:52,132 --> 00:07:54,098 And see if you wear purity rings from now on. 150 00:07:54,738 --> 00:07:55,766 Purity rings? 151 00:07:56,164 --> 00:07:57,928 We're all wear purity rings. 152 00:07:58,053 --> 00:08:01,627 It means we're going to be pure, and not have sex until we married. 153 00:08:01,752 --> 00:08:03,608 And It means we stay away from bad stuff 154 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:06,026 and avoid people who swear or watch naughty TV shows. 155 00:08:06,428 --> 00:08:08,070 That's just how we roll. 156 00:08:08,195 --> 00:08:09,631 - Yeah! - Yeah! 157 00:08:10,666 --> 00:08:12,106 So what do you say, girls. 158 00:08:12,231 --> 00:08:14,785 You want to be kid hipsters like us and wear purity rings too? 159 00:08:15,951 --> 00:08:16,954 OK. 160 00:08:17,506 --> 00:08:20,017 And be sure you give a ring to all the kids you care about, 161 00:08:20,142 --> 00:08:22,442 'cause it's the new hip way to roll. 162 00:08:28,652 --> 00:08:30,991 Well, well, well... Here he comes. 163 00:08:31,116 --> 00:08:33,303 It's a BJ McKay and his best friend Bear. 164 00:08:33,775 --> 00:08:35,316 So how did it go last night? 165 00:08:40,797 --> 00:08:42,897 - What's that? - (A purity ring.) 166 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,042 - Purity ring? - (Yeah, a purity ring.) 167 00:08:46,853 --> 00:08:48,013 What does that mean? 168 00:08:48,138 --> 00:08:51,125 (It means I'm gonna be pure and not have sex until I get married.) 169 00:08:51,464 --> 00:08:54,205 You? We thought you really wanted to have a BJ before you got too old... 170 00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,820 (I did! I was excited to get a BJ, but now I have to wear this ring!) 171 00:08:57,945 --> 00:08:59,598 All right, Kenny, calm down! 172 00:08:59,723 --> 00:09:01,767 You're too young to be getting BJs anyway! 173 00:09:01,892 --> 00:09:05,475 It's good you and Tammy are making a commitment that isn't based on sex. 174 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:06,600 (Yeah!) 175 00:09:09,513 --> 00:09:11,846 (it isn't fair, I was so close to getting a blow job!) 176 00:09:11,971 --> 00:09:14,391 (And I'll never get one now!) 177 00:09:20,783 --> 00:09:22,186 Fellas, hey, fellas! 178 00:09:22,759 --> 00:09:26,231 I heard that Kenny is still going out with that slut, Tammy Warner! 179 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,442 It's OK, they have purity rings now. 180 00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:30,546 - What's that? - Rings that says 181 00:09:30,671 --> 00:09:33,361 they not gonna have sex or doing anything naughty anymore. 182 00:09:34,577 --> 00:09:37,877 A ring that says you'll be together but not have sex... 183 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,836 Isn't that called the wedding ring? 184 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,921 I've got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do. 185 00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:55,594 Can't just do whatever I feel like I've got to stay righteous and true. 186 00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:01,600 I can't hang out with my buddies and get into trouble, 187 00:10:02,107 --> 00:10:05,351 'Cause now we're both wearing these rings for each other 188 00:10:05,476 --> 00:10:07,981 But who needs sex, and drugs, and partying, 189 00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:12,354 When we can cook a meal then sit around and watch Netflix. 190 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:13,871 Baby! 191 00:10:16,599 --> 00:10:20,555 I've got a ring on my finger to remind me that I must behave. 192 00:10:23,424 --> 00:10:27,397 No need to chase after girls, it's a promise I can never break. 193 00:10:30,245 --> 00:10:33,131 I made a commitment and it is forever. 194 00:10:33,452 --> 00:10:36,468 So we can spend every waking minute together. 195 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,805 And If we get bored, it won't be a problem, 196 00:10:40,194 --> 00:10:44,194 'cause we can just hang out with other couples who wear these rings. 197 00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:45,815 Baby! 198 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:48,237 Yeah, we've found out that once you wear purity rings 199 00:10:48,362 --> 00:10:50,507 it's best to hang out with other couples that do. 200 00:10:50,632 --> 00:10:52,838 Got more in common, isn't that right, Sarah? 201 00:10:52,963 --> 00:10:55,230 What Carol and I really enjoy is Grey's Anatomy. 202 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,278 We love Grey's Anatomy, don't we, Carol? 203 00:10:57,403 --> 00:11:00,004 We adore Gray's Anatomy, don't we, Nancy? 204 00:11:00,129 --> 00:11:01,149 Adore it! 205 00:11:01,274 --> 00:11:03,481 Kenny and Tammy, do you watch Grey's Anatomy? 206 00:11:05,142 --> 00:11:07,442 We look forward to it all week long! 207 00:11:08,411 --> 00:11:11,011 - Sure is! - Most fun we've had in weeks! 208 00:11:11,289 --> 00:11:15,007 I got a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do. 209 00:11:15,359 --> 00:11:16,359 Baby! 210 00:11:18,653 --> 00:11:21,936 - Baby! - Baby! 211 00:11:25,624 --> 00:11:28,645 And... cut! Great video shoot, guys! 212 00:11:28,999 --> 00:11:32,232 - This is bull pucky! - Yeah, we've had it, gosh darn it! 213 00:11:33,873 --> 00:11:35,902 Looks like we've got a problem. 214 00:11:37,056 --> 00:11:38,746 Our decision is final! 215 00:11:38,871 --> 00:11:42,644 We've decided, as a band, not to wear purity rings anymore! 216 00:11:42,894 --> 00:11:45,529 - Yeah, you tell them, Joe. - Boys, I know you're tired. 217 00:11:45,654 --> 00:11:48,165 But the purity rings are important for the company's image! 218 00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:50,751 We don't care about the company! 219 00:11:51,225 --> 00:11:53,378 And you gonna say that to the boss's face? 220 00:11:53,718 --> 00:11:55,522 We are... we aren't afraid of him. 221 00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:58,603 I hope you're right, because the boss is on his way here. 222 00:11:58,728 --> 00:12:00,927 - Now! - Oh Jesus, he's here, boss is here! 223 00:12:02,026 --> 00:12:05,533 - Let's be strong, guys. - Hello, sir. How was your trip? 224 00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:09,478 What's all this I'm hearing about not wearing the purity rings? 225 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,829 We'll just leave you alone. 226 00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:14,726 So... I guess we have some issues? 227 00:12:15,182 --> 00:12:17,553 We... need to talk about something. 228 00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,033 Oh, boy! 229 00:12:19,158 --> 00:12:21,908 I just love flying all the way to Colorado 230 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:24,161 to hear about your problems! 231 00:12:24,688 --> 00:12:27,323 Look, we just want our concerts to be about our music, 232 00:12:27,448 --> 00:12:29,117 and not about purity rings. 233 00:12:29,242 --> 00:12:32,918 Oh, gosh, fellas. Let me explain this to you one more time. 234 00:12:33,911 --> 00:12:35,834 You have to wear the purity rings, 235 00:12:35,959 --> 00:12:39,059 because that's how we can sell sex to little girls. 236 00:12:39,556 --> 00:12:43,458 See, if we make the posters with little girls reaching for your junk, 237 00:12:43,583 --> 00:12:45,473 then you have to wear purity rings, 238 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:48,262 or else Disney Company looks bad. 239 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,311 But we don't want to be selling sex to little girls anymore! 240 00:12:51,915 --> 00:12:53,605 The rings stay on! 241 00:12:54,128 --> 00:12:58,020 Well... well... maybe we'll just refuse to go on stage! 242 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,260 You don't... fucking... 243 00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:04,282 talk to me... like that! 244 00:13:04,841 --> 00:13:07,446 You little... piece of shit! 245 00:13:09,777 --> 00:13:11,790 Get the fuck up. Get the fuck up! 246 00:13:14,399 --> 00:13:17,013 Now, do we have a problem? 247 00:13:17,784 --> 00:13:19,969 - No, sir. - No, Mr. Mouse. 248 00:13:20,219 --> 00:13:21,583 No, Mr. Mouse. 249 00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:24,469 That's good, 'cause I thought we had a problem for a minute here. 250 00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:28,341 All right, now get out of there and make me some goddamn money! 251 00:13:31,973 --> 00:13:33,423 Yep, he is in here. 252 00:13:34,294 --> 00:13:35,761 Dude, what are you doing? 253 00:13:35,886 --> 00:13:39,338 This is the day we're supposed to throw cow turds at cars together. 254 00:13:39,463 --> 00:13:41,064 We've had just about enough, dude. 255 00:13:41,189 --> 00:13:43,507 You've been blowing us off for two weeks, now what's up? 256 00:13:43,632 --> 00:13:45,824 (Need to buy... more DVDs.) 257 00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:48,521 Grey's Anatomy? 258 00:13:48,771 --> 00:13:51,329 Kenny! What kind of douchebag garbage are you watching? 259 00:13:51,858 --> 00:13:55,159 Come on, Kenny, this isn't you. We want you back, dude. 260 00:13:55,409 --> 00:13:58,024 Kenny... Kenny... Kenny? 261 00:13:58,149 --> 00:13:59,672 Wanna look at Playboys? 262 00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,189 Wanna get high sniffing paint? Kenny? 263 00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:04,417 You want your Grey's Anatomy back? 264 00:14:04,542 --> 00:14:08,080 (Grey's Anatomy, cool! This was a great season!) 265 00:14:08,373 --> 00:14:10,356 (Look at that, this is so cool!) 266 00:14:10,605 --> 00:14:13,845 You guys, this is serious. Something is really wrong with him. 267 00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:15,086 It's that ring! 268 00:14:15,211 --> 00:14:18,557 Somehow putting on that ring has turned Kenny into a boring turd! 269 00:14:18,682 --> 00:14:21,497 Oh, my God! Look at this! Motherfucker! 270 00:14:22,074 --> 00:14:23,074 What? 271 00:14:23,199 --> 00:14:26,823 "Jonas Brothers: talk music, faith in God and purity rings." 272 00:14:27,405 --> 00:14:29,969 These Disney douchebags are the ones causing all this! 273 00:14:30,094 --> 00:14:32,457 Yeah, this all happened the day after he went to their concert! 274 00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:33,481 Come on guys. 275 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,036 We're not sitting back and watching our friend die. 276 00:14:37,987 --> 00:14:40,469 Hold tight, buddy. We're gonna find a cure for you. 277 00:14:43,865 --> 00:14:46,862 Live from 5 News Studio in Colorado, 278 00:14:47,112 --> 00:14:49,221 It's Good Mornin' Denver! 279 00:14:50,058 --> 00:14:52,967 We are joined this morning by the Disney supergroup... 280 00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,192 the Jonas Brothers. Hello, boys! 281 00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,429 - Hello! - Now tell us what you're doing 282 00:14:58,554 --> 00:15:00,306 here in Denver, guys. 283 00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:03,387 We're gonna be doing a live concert from Red Rocks tonight, 284 00:15:03,512 --> 00:15:05,706 that will be live broadcast on the Disney Channel. 285 00:15:05,831 --> 00:15:07,948 And 3-D. Don't forget to mention in 3-D! 286 00:15:08,332 --> 00:15:10,420 Oh, and it's gonna be in 3-D. 287 00:15:12,061 --> 00:15:15,173 Now guys, a lot has been made about your purity rings. 288 00:15:15,298 --> 00:15:17,058 Can you tell us about those? 289 00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:18,183 Well... 290 00:15:18,659 --> 00:15:21,933 We... We wear these to symbolize how pure we are and how we... 291 00:15:22,058 --> 00:15:24,306 don't approve of things that are naughty or filthy. 292 00:15:24,431 --> 00:15:26,283 Good. Get a close up on their purity rings. 293 00:15:26,408 --> 00:15:27,759 Close up on the purity rings. 294 00:15:28,423 --> 00:15:30,610 That's wonderful, boys. It's good that little girls 295 00:15:30,735 --> 00:15:32,973 can see a concert and not have it be about sex. 296 00:15:33,406 --> 00:15:35,271 We understand that at the concert tonight, 297 00:15:35,396 --> 00:15:39,125 you'll be dousing girls in the audience with white foam, is that correct? 298 00:15:39,630 --> 00:15:40,630 Yeah. 299 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:42,482 Can we give our audience a peek? 300 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,960 What do you say, you want the Jonas Brothers to douse you 301 00:15:45,085 --> 00:15:46,216 with their white foam? 302 00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,061 Oh, boy! This is TV-gold! 303 00:15:54,131 --> 00:15:56,496 - Excuse us, excuse us! - What do you think you're doing? 304 00:15:57,055 --> 00:15:58,331 Great stuff, boys! 305 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,459 You like taking the Jonas Brother's hot foam in your faces, girls? 306 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:06,887 Those Jonas Brothers are assholes! 307 00:16:07,012 --> 00:16:09,342 Yeah, their purity rings turned our friend into a douche! 308 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,971 What the hell do you think you're doing spreading this crap to kids? 309 00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:16,410 Who the hell are these guys? Are they from DreamWorks? 310 00:16:16,535 --> 00:16:19,269 Goddamn Eisner trying to hurt this company again? 311 00:16:19,663 --> 00:16:23,119 This whole thing is a freaking shame! I see what you're doing now. 312 00:16:23,244 --> 00:16:24,954 You're trying to sell sex to young girls. 313 00:16:25,079 --> 00:16:26,581 And then confuse them by... 314 00:16:29,474 --> 00:16:30,280 Cartman? 315 00:16:30,589 --> 00:16:33,366 You aren't ruining my plans this time, DreamWorks. 316 00:16:34,268 --> 00:16:36,168 Dude, who the hell did that? 317 00:16:43,319 --> 00:16:45,458 Fifteen minutes, that's fifteen minutes, people! 318 00:16:45,583 --> 00:16:47,626 Get another mike on that drum kit. 319 00:16:47,751 --> 00:16:49,751 They almost ruined everything. 320 00:16:50,413 --> 00:16:52,344 How did something like this happen? 321 00:16:55,674 --> 00:16:57,954 Wake up, wake up, you little prick! 322 00:16:58,876 --> 00:17:00,894 Who do you work for, DreamWorks? 323 00:17:02,130 --> 00:17:03,130 Answer me! 324 00:17:04,147 --> 00:17:07,678 - We don't work for anybody. - Oh boy, I sure believe that! 325 00:17:08,072 --> 00:17:12,072 You just try to ruin Disney Company's big night for your own amusement. 326 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,408 - What the hell did you do to us? - Shut up! 327 00:17:16,704 --> 00:17:19,113 And now, Disney Channel presents... 328 00:17:19,363 --> 00:17:22,707 The Jonas Brothers 3D concert spectacular! 329 00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:26,282 Live from Red Rocks amphitheater in Colorado. 330 00:17:28,258 --> 00:17:30,366 Truly a night of magic as we are set 331 00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,890 for the biggest concert event of the year. 332 00:17:33,015 --> 00:17:34,248 In about ten minutes 333 00:17:34,373 --> 00:17:37,722 the Jonas Brothers are going to take the stage in what Disney is calling 334 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:41,059 the most pure and innocent rock event of the millennia. 335 00:17:41,809 --> 00:17:44,802 Do we put the 3D glasses on now, dadda? 336 00:17:45,052 --> 00:17:46,231 Not yet, Keidy. 337 00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:48,900 Everyone around the country is tuning in to see 338 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,218 Disney's latest kid pop stars. 339 00:17:51,531 --> 00:17:53,738 (Yeah, Jonas Brothers at Red Rocks.) 340 00:17:54,589 --> 00:17:57,022 We understand the Jonas Brothers are getting ready. 341 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:59,327 What's going on backstage must be exciting. 342 00:18:00,822 --> 00:18:02,565 You better start talking. 343 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,846 You better start talking right now. 344 00:18:04,971 --> 00:18:07,228 We told you, we aren't working for another studio 345 00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:09,336 and there isn't a plan to sabotage your big night. 346 00:18:09,461 --> 00:18:12,052 We came on our own 'cause our friends purity ring is killing him. 347 00:18:12,177 --> 00:18:13,717 You're lying, I'll cut you up. 348 00:18:14,363 --> 00:18:16,886 You see? We were right about the purity rings. 349 00:18:17,011 --> 00:18:20,150 A nice Christian symbol can't be used for profit gains. 350 00:18:20,275 --> 00:18:23,947 - We're all angered God. - You think God is in control here? 351 00:18:24,197 --> 00:18:27,220 I am in control, I've been in control since the '50s 352 00:18:27,345 --> 00:18:30,876 if you haven't noticed. You three faggots are going on stage. 353 00:18:31,126 --> 00:18:33,676 And you three faggots aren't gonna stop me. 354 00:18:33,801 --> 00:18:35,572 Nobody is ruining this event. 355 00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:38,575 I've worked too long and too hard 356 00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:41,244 to have anyone fuck this up. 357 00:18:41,754 --> 00:18:44,670 Where would you be without me, Jonas Brothers? 358 00:18:44,795 --> 00:18:46,916 Your music sucks and you know it. 359 00:18:47,582 --> 00:18:50,737 It's because you make little girls ginies tickle. 360 00:18:50,987 --> 00:18:54,758 And when little girls' ginies tickle, I make money. 361 00:18:55,477 --> 00:18:59,387 And that's because little girls are fucking stupid. 362 00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:03,933 And the purity rings make it OK to do whatever I want. 363 00:19:04,375 --> 00:19:06,949 Even the Christians are too fucking stupid 364 00:19:07,074 --> 00:19:09,606 to figure out I'm selling sex to their daughters. 365 00:19:10,344 --> 00:19:13,651 I've made billions off of Christian ignorance for decades now. 366 00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,053 And do you know why? 367 00:19:16,178 --> 00:19:19,594 Because Christians are retarded. 368 00:19:20,303 --> 00:19:22,806 They believe in a talking dead guy. 369 00:19:30,185 --> 00:19:31,294 Hello, folks! 370 00:19:33,702 --> 00:19:36,299 Take it easy. Here's the Jonas Brothers. 371 00:19:39,469 --> 00:19:42,347 - C'mon guys. - No, stop! Bring them back here! 372 00:19:42,762 --> 00:19:45,683 It's over Mr. Mouse. Everyone's tuning out. 373 00:19:46,279 --> 00:19:48,978 No! No, goddamn it! No! 374 00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,546 Shut up! Shut up! 375 00:20:01,129 --> 00:20:04,241 That's it, girls. No more Disney TV for a while. 376 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:09,680 Tom, the Disney Jonas Brothers 3D television special has failed. 377 00:20:09,981 --> 00:20:12,207 Costing the Disney Company millions. 378 00:20:12,332 --> 00:20:15,531 And once again, Mickey is pissed off and throwing a fit. 379 00:20:15,656 --> 00:20:17,215 Vengeance is mine. 380 00:20:17,822 --> 00:20:20,872 You are all ants and I'm your destroyer. 381 00:20:22,052 --> 00:20:26,052 The Disney purity ring venture will most likely now prove a marketing bust. 382 00:20:26,339 --> 00:20:29,811 As Mickey returns to Valhalla, to slumber and feed. 383 00:20:36,065 --> 00:20:38,234 Oh, Ken. Look at what we've become. 384 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,585 We're way too young to be this boring. 385 00:20:40,710 --> 00:20:42,898 (OK, I'll put in Grey's Anatomy.) 386 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,106 No! I don't want to watch Grey's Anatomy, Ken. 387 00:20:46,231 --> 00:20:49,103 - Let's take off these rings, Ken. - (Take off the rings?) 388 00:20:49,228 --> 00:20:51,183 (We can take off the rings? Really?) 389 00:20:51,308 --> 00:20:53,649 Let's take them off and just be kids again. 390 00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:56,305 There will be plenty of time to wear rings and be boring and lame 391 00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:59,230 when we reach our late 30s and be boring and lame anyway. 392 00:20:59,355 --> 00:21:01,255 (Yeah! Screw theses things!) 393 00:21:02,315 --> 00:21:04,865 - I feel better already. - (Me too!) 394 00:21:05,285 --> 00:21:08,518 Whats say you and me go to TGI Friday's? 395 00:21:13,788 --> 00:21:14,606 And so, 396 00:21:15,187 --> 00:21:17,887 as we commit this young child to the earth. 397 00:21:18,012 --> 00:21:19,662 Let us all be reminded, 398 00:21:20,173 --> 00:21:22,530 that syphilis is still a deadly disease. 399 00:21:22,950 --> 00:21:25,450 And it can be caught even if using protection. 400 00:21:25,727 --> 00:21:27,242 This boy learned the hard way... 401 00:21:27,367 --> 00:21:31,367 I told him. Woman's mouth is the most germ-ridden place on earth I said. 402 00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:34,967 Statistically the most unsafe place for a man to put his penis, I said. 403 00:21:36,531 --> 00:21:38,098 Well, now we know. 404 00:21:39,014 --> 00:21:40,757 And knowing is half the battle. 405 00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,376 SouthParkNews.net SouthPark-TV.com 31242

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