Original subtitles

James, try your cell phone again. There has to be service.

There has to be someone that can help us.

My cell phone's dead.

I'm afraid there's no one coming to save us, Elise.

No.

I think this is the end. No.

No, it can't be.

It is.

It is.

There's nowhere to run. There's nowhere to hide.

We're doomed.

Look.

This is the last day I have to spend on Earth.

Glad it was spent with you.

And it makes it all worth it, just knowing that I got to spend it next to

beauty.

And, Shane, make love to me as if it really is our last day on earth.

Sadly, at least, I think it just might be.

Oh,

my God.

The aftermath of their lovemaking, Elise and Jane cling to one another in quiet

desperation as they wait for the cold blanket of death to come.

This dark room that they had once viewed as their only salvation would soon

become their final resting place.

God, he's amazing.

What college did you say you went to?

Brown.

What year did you graduate?

2009.

Of course.

What do you mean, of course?

Bonnie, you're a smart girl.

You attended an Ivy League college, interned at one of the top newspapers in

nation, have a 300 -page memoir about your life.

You don't know a dick about life.

What? You're 23 years old. Write about what you know, which is pretty much

nothing. It's not nothing.

Listen, Bonnie.

Go out and live life a little bit.

Make mistakes.

Fuck up. Fuck people.

Fuck lots and lots of people for all I care. And then come into my office and

give me something I could actually publish.

In the meantime, stop wasting my time.

A memoir.

She wrote a goddamn 300 -page memoir about her life.

What the fuck does a 23 -year -old know about life?

So how's that little story you're working on coming along?

Well, it's not, which is why I'm here.

Continue. I want to try my hand at horror.

Excuse me? For some reason I thought I heard you say a horror novel.

I did.

Paulina, you've been writing children's books for six years.

Yeah. And now you want to write a horror novel.

Yeah.

Are you having some sort of midlife crisis or something?

What? No.

Besides, don't you have to actually be midlife to have a midlife crisis?

You're 35 and you're not married. I call that a crisis.

I am 30, and that is not a crisis. You write children's books, Paulina. I can't

market you as an ex -Wes Mueller.

Why not?

Because you made Molly, the magical meerkat series, for Christ's sake.

I know, and I am so sick of it.

You don't have an adult following.

Half of them still crap their pants, for Christ's sake. Just give me a chance.

I'll finish the last installment of Molly the Magical Meerkat, and then I

want a small break. A chance. Just a shot at writing an adult horror novel,

please. You can market me as a new writer, and I can even change my name.

All right.

But I'm giving you no advance, and you're going to get paid purely based on

sales. Deal.

But remember, if this doesn't work out, Paulina, your ass is grass.

And I'm a lawnmower.

Okay.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Starting over is career suicide.

You have a good thing going.

Don't ruin it. I'm sorry, but Molly the Magical Meerkat series isn't exactly

motivating me anymore.

Molly the Magical Meerkat pays for your mortgage, pays for your Mercedes.

Motivation alone.

Uh, no. It's really not.

And Murder and Mayhem is?

Please get off this Wes Mueller bandwagon. His stuff is offensive.

His stuff is amazing.

Maybe to people with no class.

How would you even know? You said you don't read his stuff.

We've read an article or two in the Reader's Digest.

Oh, people still read the Reader's Digest.

Mueller's a talentless hack.

I mean, you don't have to have talent to write a psychotic character when you

are psychotic. He's not psychotic.

He writes about people getting decapitated in sewers, Paulina.

and growing from them emotionally.

Torture devices of a soul?

That just sounds like a beautiful piece of literature.

Well, it was a bestseller. And have you read Stun Gun City?

Or Bullet in the Heart of Hate?

No.

They sound like real winners, though, Paulina. You know what? Why can't you

just be happy for me? This is what I want. To be inspired and excited about

something. Not everyone who writes a horror novel is a nutjob psycho.

Including Wes Mueller.

Hi, is this Wes Mueller?

The telemarketer?

No, I'm actually a fan of yours.

Hello?

Yes.

Please don't hang up.

I'm not a fan of yours.

Well, I am a fan of yours, but I'm also a writer.

And where are you published? In your high school newspaper?

No, I wrote this little series called Molly the Magical Meerkat.

You're kidding.

It's a children's book. I know it's a children's book. My niece is a huge fan

yours. Oh, well, that's great. I'm kind of flattered.

Is this really Paulina Connolly I'm talking to?

Mm -hmm, it is.

You even sound like a children's book author.

What's that supposed to mean?

What can I do for you?

Well, you see, the thing is, I've been trying like hell to get a hold of you,

but your phone number's unlisted and I couldn't find you anywhere, and so I

finally had to pay for your number on one of those, like, stalker websites.

But I'm not a stalker, I swear.

Hello?

I'm still here.

I'm sorry, I'm not usually this crazy, but I just, I'm having a really hard

writing my first novel.

All right. How can I help you?

Really? Yeah, you paid for my number. It's the least I could do.

Well, I actually have a list of questions.

So, when do I get to meet the elusive Paulina Connelly?

You're talking to him on the phone?

Yes.

But you hate the phone.

I know, but I like talking to him. He's kind of funny.

You don't talk to me on the phone. I know. You're not that funny.

Oh, my God.

You're falling for Wes Mueller.

No. It's just a writer thing.

He's just helping me with the new process of writing horror.

When it's all done, I'll probably never hear from him again.

Hello?

I'm watching you.

What? I'm kidding.

So are we still going to meet up for drinks tomorrow?

Oh, of course.

Let me call you back in a bit, though. I'm having dinner with my sister and her

husband.

Who was that?

That was him, actually.

That was kind of weird.

Speak of the devil.

No pun intended.

You probably put a tracking device in your phone. That's what unhinged people

do, you know. He did not implant a tracking device in my phone, and he's

unhinged person.

What's with all the judgment?

Because he's a sociopath, Paulina. He's a writer, not a sociopath.

Writers tend to be a bit off.

Oh, Craig.

I think it's time to show Paulina the article.

Show me what article?

Oh, nothing. Just that your newfound friend was institutionalized for a

illness earlier last year.

No comment.

No comment.

Read it. It's all true.

He's a loony.

He's been in the loony house.

He's crazy.

He's going to get you.

Stop it, Craig.

That is very inappropriate.

Paulina, I think you need to stick to the classics, dear.

There's no crazies in the Victorian era.

I can't believe this.

Just saying. He might end up with a story for his next bestseller.

The Butchering of Paulina Connelly.

Craig!

Enough of the tomfoolery.

Because he's a sociopath, Paulina.

He's a loony.

He writes about people getting decapitated in sewers, Paulina. Just

you lock the doors tonight. The butchery of Paulina Connelly.

Very official.

Oh, yeah. Well, you know, Tim went and printed it up on his computer.

And who laminated it?

Thought you wanted me to throw you down and tie you up and force you to make

love to me.

I'm sorry.

You just look so dominant and sexy and scary coming through that door. I

couldn't help myself.

Really? I look dominant?

Yes, you did.

You're getting very good at this game.

Maybe next week I'll go buy another mask. Really spice things up.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

How's the book coming along?

It's not coming.

What do you mean it's not coming?

I have writer's block or something.

Or something?

Sounds like you're distracted.

No, I'm not distracted.

You sure Wes Mueller doesn't have you distracted?

Wes Mueller?

Why would I be distracted by him, of all people?

I was going to call and tell you to pick this up, but this shit never dies, so I

figured, what's the rush?

He dropped it by yesterday.

Wanted to make sure you got it.

So you got a little crush on him, huh?

I get it. Big name in the business.

He's a little crazy, but overall he's a good guy.

No, I don't have a crush.

What's going on is that I just can't write thrillers.

You were right. It's just not my niche. Wait a minute. You come into my office

begging to write a horror novel, and then you turn around and run the other

just as soon as you find out it's not so easy?

But I... Nothing worth anything ever comes easy.

What's gotten into you?

What do you mean what's gotten into me?

You're all positive all of a sudden.

It's Bonnie.

Oh, Jesus.

So, I can get a Facebook friend request, but I'm not good enough to be a

published author?

It's like fatal attraction.

Answer the question.

Did I leave you two alone?

Yeah, sure.

What's the worst that could happen other than murder?

You know what?

Maybe I should murder you.

Put you out of your misery.

I'll catch you later, Don.

Hey, remember what I said. Nothing worth anything.

Never comes easy.

Thanks. You got it, kiddo. Go easy on him, Bonnie.

Here.

It's an idea for a cookbook. My latest venture.

It's about 200 pages. That's more than an idea. A cookbook? I thought you were

an English major.

What do you know anything about cooking?

You go to Cordon Bleu? You study at any culinary institute at all?

Well, since I'm just a child with no life experience, what could I possibly

write about? Except children's books.

Not a bad idea.

Let's try this one on for size.

Once upon a time, at a mid -level literary agency, there was a snake named

Ronald who had no sense for talent whatsoever.

Until he met a highly intelligent woman with supermodel good looks who came

through his door.

She begged him for a chance and to publish her book.

She threw herself at him, taking off all her clothes, all the way down to her

underwear.

This girl may be 23, but she was still full.

She knew how the world worked.

I'd say that's a fantastic story.

But I need your help with the ending.

Does the recent college grad fuck her way to the top?

Or did she say celibate at the bottom?

I'd say fuck.

Definitely fuck.

Ooh.

You know...

Good night.

Deep in me.

Deep in me. Oh, my gosh. That feels so good.

Yeah, that feels so good.

This is so good. Oh my gosh.

You know, I'm supposed to be at your house in less than two hours. You

have given it to me then?

Well, no.

Craig doesn't believe in apologies.

And I didn't want to get into a fight with him after here.

He doesn't believe in apologies?

It's a book of quotes!

I hope it inspires you to start writing the Molly's Magical Meerkat series

again. Sarah, I told you. I want to be challenged. I want to get excited. And

the irony of that is the only person who ever encouraged me to live like that, I

don't even talk to anymore.

Is that an ex -boyfriend?

No, Wes.

He totally believed in me.

Right. He'll believe in you until he kills you.

Sarah, not everyone is as put together and perfect as you and Craig.

People screw up and they go nuts. That doesn't make them bad people.

Right. Until... How they kill you.

Okay, Paulina, listen.

I am half kidding, okay? I love you and I want you to be happy.

And if your happiness means writing a horror book or taking advice from

a sociopath, well, so be it.

Just be careful.

Now she knocks.

I know it seems stalker -esque of me to show up uninvited and unannounced after

all those missed phone calls.

But I had to see you.

How'd you get my address?

I'm following you.

I'm kidding.

I got your address from Donald.

My agent?

You'd think there'd be some sort of privacy policy between us.

You could be a psychopath after all. I could be, but I'm not.

After all, I didn't go buying your address from some stalker site like the

know.

Do I look like a psychopath?

No, but anyone who writes the kind of stuff you write can't be completely

normal.

Neither can those who read them.

I'm Wes, by the way.

Paulina Connelly.

I had to come by and see for myself that you're actually okay.

You have no idea what kind of gruesome scenarios I was dreaming up in my head

when I didn't hear back.

It's one of the downsides of being a horror writer.

I'm okay.

I think I was just afraid to call you.

Right?

Ah, yes. My mental institution, Dave.

So it's true then?

Not the way you think.

I did this for book research.

You checked yourself into a mental institution for book research?

Yep. So you're not crazy then?

Well, it's all relative, really. I did check myself into an institution for

three months of my own free will.

And my writing process involves meditating with a chainsaw for hours on

But let's be honest. What is sane anyway?

Pain is overrated.

I assure you I've never killed, decapitated, or tortured anyone. I

Amateur.

Here you go. Thank you.

God, I feel like such an idiot.

My sister got me all freaked out because of that article, and I don't really

know what to believe.

Even after all our late -night phone calls and IM sessions?

Yeah, I'm really impressionable. Forgive me.

So, my sister's having a dinner tonight, and I was thinking maybe you wanted to

go. She and her husband are kind of uptight, but the food's going to be

Uptight people and amazing food.

That sounds like the perfect evening.

Okay, well, I'm going to go get ready.

I'll be back.

You are way too sexy to be writing children's books.

That's why I want to try my hand at horror.

Hey, I have an idea.

Do you maybe want to get into some trouble with me tonight?

I would love to get into some trouble with you any night.

Would you like putting that steak?

No.

You're our guest. I don't mind.

No.

Do you want me to put that steak back on the grill?

Oh, bloody.

I like it bloody.

Oh, there's the tea kettle.

Oh, come help me prepare the tea. Come on. Sure.

I take back everything I said this afternoon.

I don't want you to be happy.

I don't want you to be happy if that's the kind of person that makes you happy.

He is a sociopath.

Yeah, you're overreacting, Sarah. There's nothing wrong with him.

He's eccentric.

He is a sociopath.

Do not go home with him tonight. Do not let him know where you live.

Don't worry. We drove here separately.

He's probably casing the place.

He's gonna kill us.

I'm gonna get a new alarm system tomorrow, I swear to God.

Honestly, Sarah, I think he's harmless.

This meal is fantastic, Sarah.

I only wish that I'd brought my signature dessert to end the evening

What's your signature dessert?

Death by chocolate.

Did you see her face?

She was horrified.

And the way you were just completely oblivious like that, it was perfect.

I love the way you manhandled that steak knife like you were mutilating some

corpse. And the death by chocolate reference was classic.

You practically gave them a heart attack.

I thought you'd like that.

I could have killed you. I wanted to laugh so badly.

I should probably call them tomorrow and apologize.

No, let them sue for a bit. That's probably the most excitement they've had

years.

So, if I hadn't come by tonight, do you think I ever would have heard from you

again?

I'm not sure. I was pretty scared.

That I was crazy?

Not just that.

Then what?

Well, it might scare you.

Trust me, Paulina. There's nothing you could say that could...

Possibly scare me.

It's just that I had started to feel this incredible connection for you, and

usually those types of connections only happen to other people.

You see, I did scare you.

And don't worry, I'm not one of those girls who, like, falls in love after a

couple phone conversations, and I didn't write your name with hearts around it

or plan out our wedding or... I'm not scared.

Really? Paulina, even if you had written my name with hearts all around it and

fantasized about her wedding day, it wouldn't scare me at all.

Really?

Wait, no.

Jesus, you scared me.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't realize you actually worked.

So what's up, kiddo?

Oh, here's my latest and greatest.

Jesus, that's heavy.

I'm impressed.

So this is what you've been up to the last several months.

Yeah, it's just a first draft.

It's a romance novel. It's not a suspense novel.

A diamond in the rough.

Yeah, it's about a children's book author who falls madly in love with a

-selling horror novelist.

It's non -fiction, autobiographical even.

Well, you're always telling people to write about what they know, so I did.

Finally, somebody listened to my advice.

It was good advice.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll take a look at it over the weekend and I'll get

back to you. Besides, I think I already found an author for the children's book

line. Ah, the college girl got you, huh?

Yeah, well, I'm a sucker for hot chicks.

What can I say?

Okay, well, I'll talk to you soon?

Alrighty. Okay.

Oh, hey, by the way, I know things are cool with me and Wes now, but for the

future, can you please not hand out my address to people?

Oh, yeah, that.

Yeah, that.

Seriously, like, what if he turned out to be a deranged lunatic like my sister

thought?

Yeah, well, people aren't always who they appear to be.

I know.

Thank God for that. Well, I'll see you later.

Take care.

That's right.

People aren't always who they appear to be.

Why are you being so annoying?