Original subtitles

Be seated.

We're gathered here to witness and bless the joining together

forever of William and Josephina in Christian marriage.

The firm covenant of marriage is permanent in

this lifetime because it was established by God.

And once entered into it may never be broken without risk of eternal damnation.

So I ask you now in the presence of God, family, and friends to declare your

intentions to enter a binding and permanent union with one another for as

long as you both shall draw breath on this earth.

Joe!

Jesus Christ, Joe, Joe!

I think I got eyes in my back.

What?

That's where your brains are.

Daisy!

Yeah?

You think we might get that pizza served while it's still hot?

I think maybe.

Mr. Loaf snuffed his teeth again.

I need a coffee cup, Manny.

Jesus Christ.

Your shoes are killing me.

Corn's at 20.

Can you believe it?

Ah, come on.

You have to talk that way.

Yeah, Dave.

Watch your mouth.

Oh, excuse me, Holy Mother.

What I meant to say was, these fucking shoes are killing me.

Put a lid on it, Dave.

Thank you, Daisy.

Thank you.

Tourists.

Excuse me.

Can I have my coffee now?

Jo, what are you doing here?

I am getting out of my house.

My father just put himself 5,000 bucks in the hole to watch his daughter pass out.

He's just a little pissed off.

I thought it was pretty funny.

Daisy.

Hey, Jo.

Hi.

I thought it was a first for St. Mary's anyway.

I saw myself 10 years from now fat and ugly and all these kids swarming around me

and then I was picking fish scales out of Bill's boot.

Sounds about on target.

But I did do the right thing, though, didn't I?

Sure.

Jo, the only reason to get married is to get the hell out of Mystic.

How's Bill taking it?

He's still not talking to me.

Get ready to talk, Jo.

Hey, check it out.

Shut up, you asshole.

Come on, Bill.

Let's go outside and talk.

Okay?

Bill, please.

Bill, Bill, please.

I want to talk to you.

This is going to be fine.

Dirtbag.

So what happened, Jo?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I just, you know...

I just...

When I actually got up there to do it, I just couldn't, Bill.

I just couldn't.

Bill.

It's not that I don't love you.

Because I do, Bill.

I really, really, really do.

You know, I walk into this place and everybody stares at me.

Well, let them stare.

Well, let them stare.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Everything's better now?

Yeah.

So how does November 21st sound?

Um...

I don't...

I don't know.

Let's just talk about it later.

Kiss Mom for me.

No, Daisy.

I'll be late for my interview.

Well, then you better hurry.

I've been three times this week already.

Well, Cat, four, and you go to heaven.

Cat's such a good girl.

Where did we go wrong with her sister Daisy?

Heather, you'd do just fine if you'd just use your head a little more.

Yeah, well, don't worry about me.

I'm not gonna be slinging pizza for the rest of my life.

The best pizza!

Great lady!

It is.

We're gonna eat as soon as we finish this toast.

Hey, Cat.

Come on, sit down.

Have some.

No, I gotta go.

I got an interview out on Shore Road.

Another job?

Yeah, babysitting.

Oh, you do too much.

Cat's got four jobs, Lori.

I need the money.

Cat's been accepted to Yale University.

She got a scholarship and she's starting in February.

A part scholarship.

So, you got a boyfriend yet?

I got no time for boys.

Cat, I got a great idea.

Hey, Silvio!

You got a job for my smart kid?

Yeah, right here!

Terrific, Ma.

Bye.

Bye, honey.

Thanks for the pizza.

I don't know where she gets her energy.

Yeah, right.

And a straight-A student.

Come on in.

Catherine?

Cat.

Hi.

Hi.

Tim Travers.

My daughter did the decorating.

Phoebe, come on down, sweetheart.

Oh, wow.

An old Van Court.

Oh, yeah.

I guess it came with the house.

You into stargazing?

Actually, this is a nautical telescope.

But it's a lot better than the one I have at home.

I'm going to take astronomy at college this year.

Yeah?

What college?

Yale.

I start second semester.

Yale, huh?

Me too.

Class of 79.

And this beautiful redhead is Phoebe.

Phoebe?

This is Cat.

Hi, Phoebe.

How old are you, Phoebe?

Come on.

You know how old you are.

Six.

Four.

Forgive her.

She's had a hard week.

Her mother left for England yesterday.

Anyway, what I'm looking for is someone to help me out.

Until my wife gets back.

Okay.

Come on, sweetheart.

Hello?

Yeah.

Hi, Mrs. Farley.

Well, we got off to a good start this morning.

Yeah.

We knocked down that wall heading into the...

glass brick?

Yeah, well...

I'd like glass brick, too, Mrs. Farley, but it doesn't go with your house.

But...

But we've had long conversations about trying to

stay in the tradition of the Connecticut house.

Of course, I'll talk to your decorator.

Do you want to read this with me?

Yes, you can have her call me any time.

Here, time to turn the page, though.

Of course.

Do you want to turn the page here?

Okay.

All right.

Bye, Mrs. Farley.

She was quite the loveliest fairy in the whole world.

Wasn't she pretty?

Her dress was full of doodrops, and there

were flowers around her neck and in her hair.

And her face was like the most perfect flower of all.

She came close to the little rabbit and gathered him up in her arms and kissed him

on his velvet... Well, um, you certainly seem to have the touch.

Oh, I've been babysitting for the Cardozas since I was nine.

I'm nine.

No, you're not.

Do you drive, Kat?

Yeah.

Let's see.

Anything else?

Is there a history of insanity in the family, or...?

They say it skips a generation.

When can you start?

Any time.

Read.

Read?

Little rabbit, she said.

Don't you know who I am?

What do

you got in there?

A couple of buckets of fish.

Terrific.

Oh, it's Romeo and Juliet!

What, is he talking to me?

No, I don't think he is.

Oh, boy.

Uh-oh.

What?

No, what?

Come on, Bill.

Let's just drink and beat him up later.

I ain't that same boy no more.

Hey, Daisy.

Hey, John.

Hey, Daisy.

Let's buy it.

I'll buy it.

Hello, honey.

Got a smoke for me, Jill?

Yeah.

Hey, what do you want to drink?

Um, white wine?

I'll have white wine, too, please.

Light.

Can I get two white wines, two beers, one of them light?

Oh, he's cute.

Yeah, I'd like a white bread.

A rich white bread.

Ladies, here you go.

For you.

Look at that coat.

I would look good in a coat like that.

Okay, let's get some action going.

Okay.

Ten bucks says I get three bullseyes in a row.

Make it 50.

In between throws, Pop a shot of tequila.

Three tequilas.

Mm-hmm.

These guys love it.

Yeah.

You said that you could hit three in a bullseye?

Can you do that?

I can do three shots of tequila.

George, ten bucks.

Here it goes, here it goes.

Three in a row.

Starting now.

Yes!

All right, I'll take that fifty.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Let's play some pool.

It's not that I don't like playing pool.

I just don't see why we don't do it in my house.

Lorna.

No, I'm the worst, really.

Excuse me.

Do you play?

Sure.

Why don't you break...

What?

Sorry, partner.

Okay.

It's our turn, sweetheart.

Okay.

Here's what we want.

Right down here, honey.

Come on.

Go on with the orange stripe.

Yeah, right on the orange, nice and easy.

Just send it right down there.

Oh...

Darn.

Take it easy, honey.

That's why we play boy-girl.

To even things out.

Can't you see I'm in control?

Watch me do my stuff.

If you play your cards just right, you might be in love.

I can see what's on your mind.

It's too late.

You can't hide.

So don't you even try.

Do you feel it too?

Is it hiding?

I think we gotta ring her here.

It's your desire.

She's really good at this.

And whisper to your friends.

I know what you are.

Slur.

Isn't that the right word, Charlie?

Like in that pool hall movie.

Lorna.

Best game.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Play the game.

Can we get out of here?

Please?

Here.

Daisy?

Hi, Mom.

Seven o'clock mass?

Um, no.

I went last night.

I gotta get lunch ready.

Uncle Vic and Aunt Rosalie are coming over.

Daisy?

You help me with lunch.

Cat will.

Thanks a lot.

Is she gone?

Do you like it?

Ooh la la.

160 bucks?

Are you out of your mind?

I'm gonna return it.

After?

I've worn it.

Somewhere.

Daisy?

Wait up, baby.

Daddy!

Hi, sweetheart.

Oh, how was the story hour?

I got a library card.

You did?

That's great.

What'd you get?

I got the yellow house.

The yellow house.

And I got Babar's little girl.

She picked them out herself.

I bet.

You hungry, Pheebs?

Yes.

Okay.

One bologna and cheese on white.

No crust coming right up.

Okay.

Now, why don't you take your books and your sandwich out on the porch.

And you know the rule, right?

Don't get off the porch.

All right, I'll be right out.

Later, alligator.

This should keep us up to date, Kat.

There you go.

Thank you.

I always wondered what the inside of this place looked like.

It's gonna look a hell of a lot better than this.

I can promise you that.

I'm impressed already.

You wanna see the best part?

Yeah.

Phoebe?

I'm going upstairs, okay?

Don't go out the porch.

Wow, this place is huge.

Not bad for a summer cottage.

Actually, the original house was built in 1880 by a wealthy merchant named Elias

Montrose for his English bride, Elizabeth.

Watch your step.

They were married in London after a whirlwind romance.

It's gorgeous.

What a view.

Oh, I'd put a telescope right out here.

This is where Elias would watch his ships come

in from the east and unload their treasures.

Like what?

Teas and spices from Ceylon.

Silks, pearls, sapphires from India.

Gosh, I thought the only things that came through Mystic were lobster and cod.

The story has a sad ending.

Elias returned to Mystic and Elizabeth stayed

behind in London to settle her affairs.

On her way here, her ship was lost at sea.

And old Elias spent all the rest of the days of his life watching for her ship.

I say you can still hear his ghost walking on this balcony on stormy nights.

Of course, it could be this squeaky board.

Are you going to fix it?

Wouldn't dare.

There she is.

That was going to be my wedding present from Bill.

It used to be called the rose after his mom.

The man is a prince, Jo.

Miller Lite, and I take it back.

The man's a god.

Teas, he keeps that there for him and the guys.

Teas, he's not going to like that.

No, Jo, relax.

Trust me, you're going to wiggle your sweet ass and Amy's going to forget all about it.

St. Catherine with a beer, are you kidding me?

I drink what I want.

You're a real lush.

Yeah, you screw ten guys a weekend too, right?

No, that's your department.

This is very pleasant, okay?

Let's have some fun tonight, okay?

Okay.

Gosh, you know what I wish?

I wish Bill did not have such a gorgeous body.

Yeah, right.

No, really, I mean it.

I mean, it would make things so much easier.

I wouldn't be thinking about him all the time.

Gosh, you know something?

I get really turned on just looking at his wrists.

His wrists?

Yes, his wrists.

Why, they're so thick and they're strong.

Oh, I don't know, maybe there's something the matter with me.

I think so.

I think it's called being in love.

Oh, no, Cat, are you saying I should have married him?

No, she's not.

Cat, Cat, look, there's a comet, right there.

No, that's just a shooting star.

It's thrilling.

You see, a comet looks more like a tadpole.

It's got a round head and a long, blazing tail.

Oh, I know what one looks like.

A sperm.

A big sperm.

She's got one on the ceiling.

She goes to sleep every night with giant sperm flying over her head.

You know what?

Ten years from now, she's going to be a very famous astrologer.

And where are you going to be, Daisy?

Astronomer.

How the hell do I know where I'll be ten years from now?

I could be dead for all I know.

Daisy, that's bad luck.

Look, Jo, you've got Bill.

Right.

You've apparently got brains.

All I've got is this.

And these.

Good.

Oh, no.

So, to hell with both of you.

No, uh-uh, uh-uh.

I don't think so, Daisy.

I really like

old houses like this, Mrs. Araujo.

Araujo.

Araujo.

I'm sorry.

My family lives in an old house, too.

The water pipes, they burst just about

every winter, and my dad gets really pissed.

Well, he gets very upset.

Oh, there you are.

You didn't tell me you were going out for dinner.

I didn't know I was.

Well, you could stay here for dinner.

I got some nice lobster.

No, thanks, Ma.

It was nice meeting you.

Mrs. Araujo.

You don't have to come home so late.

I know how long it takes to have dinner.

Daisy.

Araujo.

You are a very difficult woman to find.

Oh, yeah?

Yes.

Charlie.

Charles Gordon Windsor.

Junior.

Figures.

Can I get you something?

No, thanks.

But I think your mother could use a drink.

Shut up.

Sit.

I'll be right with you.

So, that's spare.

Uh, that, uh...

That was a spare.

Yes, yes, that's gonna do it.

Okay, I got the idea.

All right.

Yes!

Yes!

So, tell me, Junior.

How come you're not at your Ivy League school?

Picking Ivy or whatever you do there?

Why do that when I could be here with you?

Oh.

I needed a little vacation from law school.

In other words, you're being a bum.

Exactly.

I got nothing against bums.

Excuse me, Mr. Windsor.

I hope you and the young lady enjoyed your dinners.

It was wonderful.

Oh.

Thank you, sir.

Which one is yours?

My dad's.

This is the 62-foot-2 masted schooner there.

Not bad.

The sun and stars have been, and still are, used by

sailors to help them determine their positions at sea.

Remember now, there are no roads or signposts, and

you can't stop at a gas station to ask for directions.

I can't.

Now we'll show you what it would be like to be tossing around

out at sea with the stars your only hope of getting back home.

How would you find your way?

Well, if you had made a lifetime study of the skies, as ancient seafarers did,

you would realize that at a given date and time,

each star marks a particular point in the...

a particular...

a particular point in the sky.

So what you would do is measure each point, each star, with a sextant.

Hi.

Hi.

Kind of loved it today.

No, no, we both loved it.

Didn't we, Phoebe?

We need to go home.

It's nap time.

Can you change my cat?

We're gonna have to do better than this.

Oh, come on, Leona, it'll pick up.

Yeah, June's a tourist.

Can't live with him, you can't live without him.

Absolutely.

Hey, Leona, your boyfriend's on.

Hector Plachette here with this week's gastronomic report.

In New Haven, a place called Nubbies.

Grubbies would be a better name for it.

I had to ask three times before I received a clean fork.

Black, angel-haired pasta with Dalmatian sauce.

Don't ask me what it is.

Just don't try it.

A culinary disaster.

Overpriced and pretentious.

I still say we should get him to come here.

A good review would bring in tons of people off season.

I wouldn't let that moron in the door.

Why not?

I bet if we had designer pizza...

It'd taste like that magazine there.

Oh, come on, Leona.

A little dry white wine, some smoked clams, some sun-dried tomatoes.

I think we should do it, Leona.

Listen, young ladies.

There's a cool thing right here.

The mystic pizza.

Spices from the Alagoas back in Portugal.

My grandfather taught my father how to make it.

And my father taught me.

And one of these days, when I retire, I just might teach one of you.

It's tradition.

And you don't monkey with tradition.

Amen.

Leona?

Will you please tell us what's in the pizza?

Please, Leona.

Goat cheese popovers I would kill for.

It ain't goat cheese, I'll tell you that.

There you go.

Hop into bed.

Mommy brushes my hair.

Mm-hmm.

Hold still.

Mommy lives in England now.

Oh, no, she doesn't.

She's just there working for a while.

She'll be home in a few weeks.

I know.

We're not gay, of course.

Well, of course not.

Okay.

Time for bed.

Good night.

Good night.

All righty.

Scooch in, I'll read you to sleep.

God knows where she picks these things up.

Breathe.

All righty.

I hear and obey, Master.

What story do you want?

Good night.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Good night, Cat.

All righty, sweetheart.

What have we here?

Go ahead.

Turn the page.

Uncle Wiggly learns to dance.

See Uncle Wiggly?

Cat?

Here.

Better take this.

It's gotten chilly out.

Daddy!

You're right there.

I'd better go.

Coming, Master.

Each room is more breathtaking than the next.

The dining room table seats 45 and weighs a whopping 4,000 pounds.

It's the world's only marble-top extension table.

It took 15 craftsmen a year to build.

If you're wondering if Mar-a-Lago is the ultimate fairytale home, check out the

Alice in Wonderland bedroom where Dina Merrill spent her childhood.

Mrs. Post's daughter, the privileged princess, awoke to flowers on the walls,

on the silver door hinges, even on the four-poster bed.

Lifestyles is proud and privileged to bring you this exclusive

once-in-a-lifetime look at America's number one home.

Are you late?

Over lunch on the patio, I got a first-hand glimpse...

Nice sweater.

Cat?

Good night.

Who's sweater?

Tim's.

Tim's?

Tim's?

Hmm.

So it's Tim now?

Shut up.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Uh-huh.

Daisy, I'm his babysitter, and it got chilly tonight.

And he's married?

Well, if he weren't married, he wouldn't need a babysitter.

Looks to me like he's putting the moves on you.

You're disgusting.

Okay, I'm disgusting.

But just in case.

The guy wears them.

Daisy!

Where is she?

Cat, have you seen JoJo?

No.

Just a minute.

Hi.

Sorry, Leona.

Hey, Cat, table six wants dessert.

No!

I'd love to stay and chat.

Hey!

Hey, Jo.

Here, there you go.

Thank you.

This pizza is unbelievable.

Thank you.

What is in that sauce?

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's top secret.

She won't even tell us what's in it.

Here you go.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Hey, Jo, can you switch days off with me?

I guess so.

Why?

What's up?

Tim needs me on Friday.

Don't do it, Jo.

You'll be contributing to the downfall of a saint.

Butt out, will you?

Let's talk about the preppy with the Porsche.

Holy shit.

What?

Oh, nothing.

Come on.

Let's look.

Daisy.

Make yourself comfortable.

What's the matter?

Can't afford to pay your lie bill?

My father turns off all the power when nobody's here.

You're here.

Yeah.

But he doesn't want to be reminded.

It's okay to sit on the sofa?

You can do anything you want on it.

Must get kind of lonely here.

I kind of like it this time of year.

No one's around.

It's nice and quiet.

Is this a habit with you?

Picking up things?

Picking up townies and luring them to your big fancy house?

You're the first.

So how is it?

So far.

It's pretty nice.

And for you?

Daisy?

Charlie.

Follow the breadcrumbs.

This is my parents' room.

I figured.

Is that my father's shirt?

Do you think he'll miss it?

No.

Hey, Junior.

I will, Joe.

Daisy?

Daisy?

I told you I was taking a vacation from law school.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I was thrown out.

I cheated on a final.

Why?

I panicked.

I was flunking a course and I panicked.

People flunk courses.

It happens all the time.

Not to me.

Not to Chuck Windsor's son.

You shouldn't have lied.

But I'm glad you told me.

Don't do it again.

Which?

Cheat or lie?

Either.

Hi, Kat.

How was the poker game?

Great, great.

I won a buck more than I owe you.

I just checked on Phoebe.

I can hear it from here.

How is she?

Fine.

I hope you don't mind my using the telescope out here.

No, no.

I'm delighted to have someone use the thing.

You want a soda or some juice?

I'll have some wine.

Hey.

It's up there anyway.

Well, have a look.

I see kind of a...

fuzzy clump.

That's Pleiades.

Seven sisters.

Do you see six bright stars and one very faint one?

Yeah.

That's actually a cluster of several hundred stars.

Only those few are visible from here.

They're more than 400 light years from Earth.

They're a sign of fall.

Am I babbling?

Yeah.

No, I...

I mean I like it.

Okay, then I'll tell you one more thing.

It's a great night to spot comets.

New moon, dark skies.

May I propose a toast?

Sure.

To new moons, dark skies, and comets.

Fuzzy clump.

Okay.

Be careful, Bill.

It's expensive.

Here we go.

I can't do this with him staring at me.

All right, all right.

Let's just go to my room.

What, are you crazy?

Your parents are home.

No, no, they're asleep.

Yeah?

I'm going home.

What?

Please, please, Bill.

Please don't.

Joe.

I gotta go.

Just one more kiss.

Oh, Bill.

Oh, Bill.

What are you doing?

Poor little thing.

All it needs is a little bit of fresh air.

Oh, Joe!

What?

Shh.

I'm telling you, I love you.

I think we should make a commitment.

Okay.

But we have first things first, though.

Oh, cut it out!

What?

Joe.

Come on.

I'm telling you.

I think we ought to get married.

Bill, if you say that word one more time to me, I'm gonna scream.

Married.

Ah!

Holy shit!

No!

Listen, Mr. Barbosa.

Nothing happened.

Listen, I...

I promise you... Shut up!

Stop what you think you are.

Good night, Mrs. Barbosa.

So there's Pops, all 130 pounds of him, like trying to knock the shit out of big

old Bill, and Bill's just standing there, you know, like

trying to be polite and pulling his pants at the same time.

I'm nearly peeing in my pants.

So close to a clean getaway.

Hey, so where's the prince of prep school this weekend?

He's in Greenwich visiting his grandmother.

She's nine years old and drives her own Rolls.

Big deal.

He'll be back Sunday night.

Hey, Joe!

JoJo!

Oh.

What do you think?

That isn't funny.

What side are you guys on?

You know something, Bill?

You are a real asshole.

What?

Oh, thank God I didn't marry him.

What?

You think this is gonna make me marry you?

Do you?

Well, it's not because I don't have to marry an asshole.

It's the 80s.

Why would I marry an asshole?

Joe, come on.

You can't force me to do something I'm not ready to do, Bill.

Come on, I was joking.

And until I am, if I ever am, the answer is no.

But it's just a joke.

No!

No!

Yeah.

Asshole.

All right.

Because there's no way in the world... He's saying that he brings in more than we do.

There's no way that he brings in more than we do.

JoJo, would you please hurry up?

He's gonna see us.

Hey, Bill, get your dumb butt out here.

You know, we really shouldn't be doing this.

What has he got back here?

I mean, God, what a stink.

I told you he had a spare key.

Come on, let's go.

Let's just... Wait, Kat, wait, I can't drive.

I'm too plastered.

Here you go.

Here you go.

This is so great.

This is just too great.

Nymphomite ass.

Get a horse, you asshole.

Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Oh, he can't see.

Oh, he can't see.

Oo-hoo.

Dafür!

Aham.

testimony Well just do it really That.

A little respect.

Haha, okay.

Just a little bit.

R-E-N-P-E E-C-T Fields of water meet shooming R-E-N-P-E E-C-T Take care T.C.

B Thank you.

Dancing.

Translatorvoir synecdoche na my screen would vou grant I had a great day.

You guys, where are we going?

The country club.

Yes!

Yeah, come on, it's going to be great.

No, you guys, no.

Why?

Come on, live a little.

We made it.

Oh, boy.

Oh, can I have a smoke?

Yes.

This is really the life, huh?

Absolutely.

Hey, Dave?

Hmm?

You want to do the jitterbug?

Do I want to do the jitterbug?

Yeah.

I lead, I lead.

Hold this for me, Kat.

Hold on, Kat.

You do the jitterbug.

Come on, you guys, let's get going.

Why?

Because it's boring.

It's boring?

It's fun.

I'll dance and you gotta relax and enjoy it.

Oh, uh...

son of a bitch.

Dave!

I'm going to kill him!

I'm so stupid!

I'm so stupid!

Dave, it's okay, Dave, it's okay.

Dave...

Give me the keys.

No, Dave, I'll drive.

No... Give me the keys, Kat!

No... Give me the goddamn key!

Oh, Daisy, you don't need the key.

What are you gonna do with the car, Daisy?

Daisy!

Come on, Daisy!

Jo, we gotta stop her!

Daisy, no!

Daisy, what are you doing?

Daisy, no!

No, Daisy!

What are you doing?

Daisy, don't do that!

Daisy!

Daisy!

Stop, Daisy!

Hey!

My car!

It's beautiful!

What are you doing?

Greenwich, my ass!

Daisy, look!

Daisy, this is Serena Windsor, my sister.

Serena, this is Daisy Arujo.

Daisy.

Hi.

My

grandmother had a migraine.

I called you when I came back.

You were out!

I fucked up.

Yeah, but you gave it 100% effort.

You're weird.

I'm weird?

I'm weird?

Think you can give us a lift?

Hey.

I'm sorry for taking the truck.

That's okay.

I'm sorry, too.

I took it off.

Guess what?

My sister and her husband are going up to Marblehead tomorrow for three days.

Yeah?

What do you mean, yeah?

Bill, we have the apartment for three whole days and three whole nights.

Yeah, I don't think so, Jo.

What are you, crazy, Bill?

Three whole nights?

Yeah, I heard you.

I don't want to.

Bill, I said I was sorry.

Your parents' place?

My parents' place?

Your sister's apartment?

The damn John at the pizza parlor?

What, Jake?

I'm telling you, Jo, that I love you.

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

I think that when people love each other, they should make a commitment.

They should have a wedding in a church with the blessings of God, for Christ's sakes.

Don't you get it, Jo?

I'm telling you that I love you.

And all you love is my dick.

Do you know how that makes me feel?

Do you?

I...

I'm sorry.

Come on, let's go.

I'm finished, Jo.

I can't do this anymore.

Let's go!

All right, all right.

What are you guys looking at?

You're three hours early.

Yeah, so?

Yeah, so you look kind of weird.

What's up?

Nothing.

Nothing much.

You're pregnant, JoJo?

Bite your tongue, Leona.

Something's going on.

It's just...

It's just that I broke up with Bill this morning.

Oh, shit.

No, it's no big deal, really.

I mean, Bill and I haven't been getting along at all.

And I just couldn't do it anymore.

So I told him and, you know, he got real upset and started to cry.

But I had to do it, you know?

Hey, it's okay.

I mean, it had to happen.

I'm fine.

In fact, I don't know, I feel kind of good.

I mean, if you think about it, Bill and I are so different.

Everything he wants, I don't.

The marriage, the kids, all that stuff.

I mean, I really want that stuff.

Real bad.

I just don't want it now.

He doesn't understand.

If he really loved me, he'd wait.

But I guess if I really loved him, I'd marry him.

Maybe I don't love Bill.

But I really do love Bill, though.

He really... He understands me so well.

No, no.

You guys are right.

I don't need Bill.

I've got a lot of things going.

Leona.

What is it, honey?

One of these days, you're gonna tell me what you put in that pizza.

I mean, when you retire, right?

Absolutely.

When I retire.

Okay.

Okay.

So I could run this place and...

I don't need Bill to do that.

And, Kat, you're not the only one with the brains.

I could go to college, take some business courses.

I could take that course, um...

What is it?

Economics.

Okay.

Okay.

Thanks, you guys.

You guys are great.

You know, helping me out and supporting me and telling me I made the right decision.

I think I have to go to the bathroom.

Ma'am.

Hi.

Hi.

How's Mrs. Farley today?

Oh, fine.

She only called four times, but it looks like we're gonna wrap it up on time.

Hey, Phoebe.

Hi.

Did you catch anything?

She sure is in a good mood.

She's excited about her mom coming home.

Yeah.

Just a little while longer.

Oh.

What's she like?

Who?

Mrs. Travers.

Nikki?

What do you want to know?

Well, where'd you meet her?

At school.

Yale?

Freshman year.

It's funny to think you have all that in front of you.

I look at you and the way you examine everything, and

I remember exactly how I felt when I started Yale.

How did you feel?

Scared shitless.

But great.

I mean, it was so exciting.

I felt like I was really gonna...

live.

And you did, didn't you?

Yeah, sure.

Here I am.

Oh.

Well, that's great.

Oh, I can't.

Stuff happens.

What can I say?

Hey, aren't they gonna kill you at that pizza place?

No.

They'll cover for me.

Hey, rascal.

Come here.

Oh.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

And I'm gonna squeeze you like a marble.

Why me?

You want to fly?

Okay.

Hi.

Ah, shit.

Where the hell is Jackie?

She was supposed to be here a half an hour ago.

Hey.

Easy.

Oh, yeah.

She called.

She said they needed her babysitting.

She said you'd cover for her.

I'm supposed to have dinner with Charlie's parents tonight.

She knows that.

Shit.

I'm gonna kill her.

Hey, take it easy, all right?

You're not missing much.

My dad is not exactly a load of laughs.

Believe me.

I know.

But your mom's gonna think I blew her off.

Hey, hey.

My mother doesn't think.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

We'll do it another time.

All right.

I'll call you.

Okay.

That's what you're driving these days?

Well, it smells a hell of a lot better than the Porsche.

Right.

Hi, Daze.

Hey, I'm sorry I didn't show up.

I said I'm sorry.

Why are you being such a bitch about it?

Right.

I'm a bitch, and you're an angel.

No matter what happens, she'll be stamped on her birth certificate.

What the hell's the big deal?

You unload shifts on me all the time.

Well, you knew I was supposed to meet Charlie's parents tonight.

Daze, I'm sorry.

I forgot.

Tim needed you, right?

Just what the hell do you two do together?

Anyway, that's what I'd like to know.

Well, if I told you, it would sound stupid.

It would sound pathetic.

Daddy, Baffing the Babysitter is a really old story.

It happens all the time.

We talk.

We read.

We listen to Mozart sometimes.

Do you really believe this 30-year-old guy is gonna

leave his wife and live happily ever after with you?

You're living in a fucking romance novel, Kat.

Oh, yeah.

Boffing, fucking, screwing...

The great Daisy, nobody's fool.

Why don't you start taking cash for your services?

It would be more honest.

Wipe your conscience.

Okay, I'm coming.

Okay, two light beers.

This is my table.

Can we change that sausage to pepperoni?

Sure.

Why not?

Hey, Joe, do me a favor.

Yeah?

Sit for Phoebe tomorrow night?

Yeah, right.

Babysitting for the babysitter.

I think I'm gonna puke.

Yeah, I'll do it, Kit Kat.

You know, I feel a little ridiculous.

You're not scared, are you?

Stormy nights?

Kat, it's just a story.

We'll see.

Hope old Elias likes pizza.

Come on, let's eat.

I don't feel ashamed when they finish this place.

Yeah, we all wish we could stop time, don't we?

God, I'm afraid it won't work.

Soon you'll be at school.

Contractor will take over from here.

Nikki comes home.

What was that?

Elias' mantra.

I told you so.

Right here.

Oh, there they are.

How's your mother, Kat?

Did you get her the medicine in time?

Nikki.

Nikki.

Welcome home.

Thanks.

I was real lucky and I caught that morning plane.

Well, you look great.

Yeah, so do you.

Hi, I'm Nikki Travers.

You must be Kat.

Well, I hope your mother's feeling better.

Well, thank you for everything that you've done for Phoebe.

You're all she talks about on the phone.

She's a wonderful little girl.

Kat, we should really get going because your mom must want us back.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Travers.

Nice meeting you, Mrs. Travers.

Yes.

Uh, Tim, aren't you forgetting something?

JoJo, how much do we owe you?

Oh, no.

That's okay.

I don't need any money.

Thanks.

Come on, Kat.

Kat, I didn't know what to say.

I mean, all of a sudden the doorbell rang and I thought it was you guys.

And there was this person just standing there, Kat.

Kat, I almost...

Kat, I almost pooped in my pants.

I don't think she knows.

Okay, all right.

Okay, so he has his arm around you.

So what?

Right?

I mean, what if your mother died and he was just being nice?

People do that, you know?

She might know, though.

She might know.

She looks really smart.

Holy shit, Kat.

You don't think she'd come after anything, do you?

No.

No, she wouldn't do that.

I don't think she would do that.

Oh, God, Kat.

Well, at least it isn't your fault, you know?

It's not your fault.

Oh, God.

Kat, this is really heavy duty stuff here.

God, I thought I had problems.

But I mean, at least with Bill what you see is what you get.

But I mean, that gutless woman, she's gonna get it.

You see this wonder back there?

He makes Bill look like the catch of all time.

Don't wear my boots again, okay?

They're nice boots, Cat.

I like to keep it that way.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't use my comb, either.

It's so full of scuzz, I can't use it.

Cat, are you alive?

What's the matter?

What happened?

She came back tonight.

Shit.

He just stood there.

He didn't even say a word to me.

It's gonna be tough, but you're gonna be all right.

I just feel so stupid.

Why does it hurt so much?

I'm gonna get you a cup of tea.

Oh, please.

Please just stay with me.

Cat, order up!

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Excuse me, this isn't cooked.

Sorry.

Am I ready to order?

Yes, I believe I am.

The mystic pizza, I assume that's the house special?

Yes, sir.

That's the special.

There's nothing like it.

Fine.

And bring me a fresh glass of water, please.

Sure.

Do you want some ice in it?

No.

No ice.

Oh, my God, Leona.

I need the best mystic pizza you've ever made.

Why?

The fireside gourmet.

He's here right now.

Look!

So what?

Leona!

Take your pick.

Holy Mary, Mother of God.

Anything else, sir?

A side of clams?

We have a wonderful small house salad.

No, thank you.

Just the check, please.

The check?

You're through?

Yes.

Here you go, sir.

I'll get a box so you can take the rest home.

No, thank you.

Excuse me.

Somebody ought to ram fried goat cheese up his ass.

Ugh.

Lobster for breakfast.

Lobster for lunch.

Fucking lot of lobsters here.

Ma, I'm not gonna be able to take you to the potluck tomorrow.

Charlie invited me to dinner to meet his family.

What do you think about that?

I guess I could get a ride with Louisa.

I mean about Charlie.

He's not Catholic.

He's not Portuguese.

He's not Portuguese.

Not a lot of things.

He's not gonna marry you either, I'll tell you that.

Are you kidding?

I'm not talking about marriage.

I'm talking about dinner with his parents.

Sure, sure.

What do I know anyway?

You think I always looked like this?

When I was your age, you think they weren't sniffing around after me?

Different clothes.

Same line.

Only I had sense.

Thank you very much.

Well, I didn't go jump in the back seat of every sports car that came along.

You're really good at this, Ma.

Good at what?

Making me feel like shit.

I cursed.

Another mark against Daisy, right?

I curse.

I'm stupid.

I'm a slut.

All I want is for you to make something of yourself.

Yeah?

Well, I'm not gonna go to Yale.

You're just gonna have to deal with that.

I don't expect you to go to Yale.

I'm just so worried about you.

Me too.

Oh, it looks marvelous, Elaine.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Teresa.

Dig in.

Dig in, everybody.

Out of this world, Polly, it's so tender.

Mom, do you want my green stuff?

That's called the tamale, Steamer.

It's the best part.

It's the shit, Steen.

Don't eat it.

We're out.

You want a beer?

No, thanks.

Anybody else?

Daisy.

Teresa.

You work here?

I help out Mrs. Windsor once in a while.

You still waitressing at the pizza?

Teresa?

Yes, sir.

Daisy, how's your lobster?

It's really delicious.

Charlie didn't tell us that you were in the pizza business, Daisy.

Mrs. Windsor and I consider ourselves pizza connoisseurs.

Really?

I worked in a pizza place one summer up at the Cape.

Remember, Mom?

There's certainly nothing wrong with being a waitress.

A noble profession, right?

Certainly a profession at any rate.

As opposed to what I do.

Just what is it you do?

Chuck.

It's all right.

I shall rarely get to meet a man of leisure.

Much less a close relative.

Well, I owe it all to you, Dad.

You gave me all the advantages that you never had.

When Dad was my age, he was a steam pipe fitter.

Show her the calluses.

Cut it out, Charlie.

Who would like more sour cream on their potato?

Oh, I do.

Please.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's all right, Teresa.

These Portuguese girls are very hard to train.

I had one once who barely spoke...

English.

I didn't mean your friend.

So what did you mean, Charles?

I'm just clearing the air, Dad.

Aunt Tweety, you can't even train your own husband to sleep at home.

And Dad's big frustration in life is that he can't train me.

Isn't that right, Dad?

Charlie...

Everybody knows I can't cut the mustard.

Isn't that right, Dad?

You listen to me.

If you can't train a golden boy like me, there's

no way you're going to train a dumb Portuguese.

Isn't that right, Dad?

I said that's enough.

Okay, so I guess dinner is over.

Oh, man!

What are you doing?

Jamie!

Jay-Z!

Charles!

Jay-Z!

Sweetie!

How'd you come back here?

Ace, look, I'm sorry, all right?

But they deserved it.

I couldn't let them do that to you.

Me?

You weren't thinking about me.

You did that for yourself.

They were being real jerks.

The only jerk at that table was you.

They were just being themselves.

Bring home your poor Portuguese girlfriend for dinner.

Shake up the family a little bit.

That's not true.

I'm poor, and I hate it.

I admit it.

I even thought I was desperate, but I'm not half as desperate as you are.

What?

I would never use you to get at somebody.

Your father didn't cheat his way out of law school.

You did that all on your own.

Deal with it, Junior.

You're not even good enough for me.

Teresa?

Yeah?

Can you give me a ride?

I want to go home.

Jay-Z!

Cat?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, Phoebe.

Hi.

Phoebe wanted to say goodbye.

Goodbye, Phoebe.

Bye.

Keep going to the library, okay?

Okay.

Take care.

This is for you.

It's for Yale.

All those stars and comets don't come cheap.

Thank you.

Goodbye, Tim.

Yeah.

Well, I guess we better go.

Bye, Cat.

If you initial this, you can still cash it, Cat.

Which isn't even money that bad.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, yeah.

How is she going to pay for Yale?

She'll find a way.

...called the Mystic Pizza.

Moron.

The atmosphere was rustic.

The service was over solicitors, to say the least.

Is that good?

Now, I am not a pizza person.

Great.

I am not particularly fond of cheesy-queasy.

Oh, no.

And this pizza is...

How shall I say this?

In a word, superb.

I ordered the house specialty, the Mystic Pizza.

Mystic, indeed.

Exactly the right blend of cheese and tomatoes and spices...

that I can't quite identify.

You bet your ass you can.

The Mystic Pizza in Mystic, Connecticut.

I have to give them my highest rating.

Four stars.

In the New Haven Grand Trade Area.

You thought the man was a moron?

No.

Oh, no.

Oh, Mystic Pizza.

Yeah, yeah.

I beg your pardon?

This is probably the best pizza I have ever tasted.

What?

What?

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

That's not necessary.

Wow!

Yeah!

That's mainstream.

Yeah!

This is Hector Bichette wishing you... Bon appétit!

Bon appétit!

Bill,

this is important.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but I've got to maintain my own identity.

Maintain your own identity?

Right.

I mean, I understand about commitment, and I love you more than anything,

but you've got to know exactly where I stand.

But... Because, I just want a chance to ask you a question.

Absolutely nothing has changed.

Except your name?

Except my name...

Sapote

Who do you want to dance with, Leona, me or Kat?

Not you.

It's for Yale.

You'll pay me back.

What?

No, Vic and I talked about this.

We don't have any kids of our own.

Daisy, JoJo, you.

You're my kids.

Oh.

Thanks, Leona.

Hey, you're messing up my dress.

It's a great party.

What do you want, Charlie?

Listen, um, what you said about me and my father, you were right.

So?

I owe you an apology.

Okay.

So?

So?

So?

So you like chocolate ice cream?

It's my favorite.

And this must be your lucky night.

Keep it up.

Què?

How did I find you out here?

I see you had some company in there.

Who knows?

God, next Thursday is Thanksgiving.

Soon I'll be at college.

Do me a favor?

What's that?

Next time you take on a Yaley, pick one your own age.

Who knows?

You guys, you guys!

You're not gonna believe what Bill's mom just said to me.

You're gonna die, you're really gonna die.

She just came up to me just now and she

said, so when am I gonna hear some good news?

I mean, I've been married two hours and she wants me knocked up over it.

I really love you guys.

You.

You

know what I wonder?

What?

What the hell do you think Leona really puts in that pizza?

Ha, ha.

Ha, ha.