Original subtitles

Hey, you got a permit for those guns?

I got your permit right here.

Catchy tune.

Fuck this game.

FUCK YOU!

We need backup, we need Kung Fury.

Yeah, that's my bicep.

One second babe.

Hello?

We got an arcade machine down here going crazy,

it is killing everybody, it's destruction, chaos, terror-

What are you gonna do?

My job.

Game over.

I'm a cop and damn good at my job.

It all began years ago.

In the line of duty,

me and my partner were chasing down

a mysterious Kung Fu-master.

You're under arrest, punk.

Show us your hands.

Good work, Dragon.

That crazy stunt could've killed us both.

But goddammit, you're the best partner I've ever had.

Thanks, I learned from the best,

You're like a father to me,

With one fatal blow, he hit my partner.

I could tell he was dead straight off.

Before I could pull the trigger

I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra.

I blacked out.

And saw images of ancient Shaolin temples and monks,

mastering the art of Kung Fu.

There was an ancient prophecy,

about a new form of Kung Fu so powerful,

only one man could master it.

The chosen one,

When I woke up,

I saw the Kung Fu master running towards me.

I could feel my body mutate

into some sort of Kung Fu freak of nature,

You!

You are the chosen one!

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Knuckles.

As a memento,

I put on a strip of cloth from the dead Kung Fu master.

I decided I would use my new super Kung Fu powers

to fight crime.

So, I became the best cop in the world.

I became, Kung Fury.

I don't wanna hear it Kung Fury,

I just got back from city hall, $50 million worth of damages,

and I got the mayor up my ass like a fag on Viagra,

How am I going to explain this to the press?

You just destroyed an entire city block for Christ's sake.

Didn't you tell me to block it out?

I told you do it by the book.

Cut the bullshit.

Nobody else could have stopped

that arcade machine and you know it.

Oh man, listen to me Kung Fury.

You need to start following the rules like the rest of us,

so I'm assigning you a new partner.

What? Hell no, I work alone.

Not anymore you don't.

Say hi to your new partner, Triceracop,

Very nice meeting you Kung Fury,

looking forward to working with you.

You're like a father to me,

I work alone,

Either you team up with Triceracop,

or you're off the case.

I'm not off the case,

I quit.

Yeah Yeah, I did the blood test.

It was positive, yeah?

What the hell are you talking about?

Yeah no problem.

Give me the phone.

What the hell is this?

Chief McNickles speaking. Is this the police?

Yeah, this is the police. Fuck you!

I need someone to trace that call!

But that's impossible!

Not for me it isn't,

Hackerman, he's the most powerful hacker of all time.

Follow me.

I was able to triangulate the cell phone signal

and trace the caller.

His name is Adolf Hitler.

Hitler, he's the worst criminal of all time.

Do you know him, sir?

I guess you could say that.

In the 1940's, Hitler was a Kung Fu champion.

He was so good at Kung Fu,

that he decided to change his name to Kung Fuhrer.

But he didn't stop there.

He knew of the Kung Fury prophecy,

and wanted to claim the throne.

He and his posse of Nazi soldiers

conducted experiments for years,

But they weren't able to figure out

how to master the art of Kung Fury.

And one day,

he disappeared from the face of the earth.

And no-one has seen him ever since.

Until now.

I guess he figured if he could find and kill the chosen one,

he would become Kung Fury himself.

He must have traveled in time in order to get here,

that's probably why he disappeared.

So, what're you gonna do?

My job.

I'm gonna go back in time to Nazi Germany,

and kill Hitler, once and for all.

So, how are you gonna do that?

I'm not sure.

I need some sort of time machine.

Wait a minute,

using an RX modulator, I might be able to conduct

a mainframe cell direct and hack the uplink to the download.

What does that mean?

With the right algorithms, I can hack you back in time.

Just like a time machine.

Well then, it's hacking time.

No!

Fuck!

That's a Laser-Raptor.

I thought they went extinct thousands of years ago.

Who are you?

My name,

is Barbarianna.

What year is this?

It's the Viking age.

That explains the Laser-Raptor. Fuck!

I went too far back in time.

You need to get out of this valley.

This place is swarming with Laser-Raptors.

I'll meet you at the God's drop. Katana can help you get there.

Who's Katana?

I'm Katana.

I can give you a ride to Asgard.

A ride on what?

So, who are you?

I'm a cop from the future.

I was sent back in time to kill Hitler,

but I accidently went too far back in time

and ended up in this place.

I know someone who might be able to help you.

Thor!

Behold! It is me, Thor!

Son of Odin and protector of mankind.

Check out my pecs.

Your pecs are epic.

Thanks bro!

So, anyway,

Thor, this is Kung Fury, he's a cop from the future.

Yeah, I need to get to Nazi Germany and kill Hitler

so if you could help me with Stop!

Hammer time.

Walk through this portal and you'll end up in Nazi Germany.

Good luck to you Kung Fury!

Thanks Thor!

Well, looks like this is my ride.

Hey, future cop, where are you going?

You know what. Here, take my number.

And use this phone to call me,

It's a personal, transportable, cellular telephone.

It features 645 channel capacity,

10 number speed dial, and an electronic security lock.

This revolution in communication could make it possible

for more and more people to have a phone in their car!

Tank you.

I'm the greatest Kung Fu master of all time,

right guys?

Thank you!

I'm disarming you.

My arm! My arm!

Kill him!

You don't need that spine,

it's holding your back!

Fuck you Kung Fury.

Now nothing can stop me and my army of death,

Thank you guys!

What the fuck?

Kill them!

Alright Hitler, the gig is up, show me your hands.

Hackerman, have you seen Kung Fury?

No! We were too late.

Who the hell are you?

My name is Cobra.

I've been expecting you Kung Fury.

I'm your spirit animal.

What the hell is this place?

This is heaven, I'm afraid you're dead.

What?

But it looks so real.

Yeah, no it's totally real,

Mr. Cobra, I'm a police officer.

I need you to send me back to earth, pronto.

I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

You see, you're dead,

You're under arrest! What?

For obstruction of justice, you're breaking the law!

What the hell happened?

I hacked away all of your bullet wounds Kung Fury,

Thanks!

I want to welcome you and your friends to Germany.

We are not so different, you and I.

I mean we both got good style, you know?

Red, you know?

So, that's cool!

We both like doing moves, check it out!

And killing people, I love it, you clearly do, too!

And that's cool!

Join me,

we could be brothers, we are so alike.

It's almost like we finish each other's

Balls. What?

Oh, my, not much left of him is there?

The important thing is that he is gone.

Sorry I doubted you Triceracop.

You're the best damn partner I've ever had.

I came back in time for you Kung Fury,

because, damn it, I love you.

Team work is very important.

So, what happens now Kung Fury?

Well, I need to head back to the office.

Looks like it's gonna be hell of a lot of paperwork.

Open the doors, Hoff.

I'm sorry Fury, I can't let you do that.

Open the doors, Hoff!

I'm sorry, I can't let you open the doors Kung Fury.

Goddammit, open the doors!

Sorry I can't Open the doors!

Did anyone ever tell you not to hassle the Hoff 9000?

Hoff 9000, you son of a bitch.

Piece of shit,

Oh, my, not much left of him is there?

The important thing is that he is gone.

Game over.

Wait a minute,

I've seen that symbol before

somewhere.

Hitler!