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1
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,894
QUIET, 99.
2
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:19,963
ONE FALSE MOVE AND
WE'RE DEAD AGENTS.
3
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:21,764
WE'RE A LITTLE
BEHIND SCHEDULE, MAX.
4
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,101
THE KAOS PATROL IS DUE IN
EXACTLY ONE MINUTE AND 45 SECONDS.
5
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:28,138
RIGHT. YOU CHECK THE EXPLOSIVES.
I'LL OPEN THE SEALED ORDERS.
6
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,322
RIGHT.
7
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,109
99, I CAN'T BREAK THE SEAL.
8
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,313
TEAR OPEN THE SIDE OF THE
ENVELOPE, MAX. THERE'S NO WAX THERE.
9
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,415
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, 99.
10
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,485
THAT'S WHY THEY PUT WAX ON THE
SEAL. SO THAT YOU'LL BREAK IT OPEN.
11
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:43,853
MAX, HURRY, WE'RE
RUNNING OUT OF TIME.
12
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,957
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, 99? IF WE
EVER GET BACK FROM THIS MISSION ALIVE,
13
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:49,325
I'M GOING TO PUT THAT IN THE
CONTROL SUGGESTION BOX.
14
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,294
- IT'S A GREAT IDEA.
- WHAT IDEA?
15
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,897
ABOUT PUTTING WAX ALL AROUND
THE ENDS OF THE ENVELOPE.
16
00:00:53,921 --> 00:00:57,133
THAT WAY YOU CAN TEAR IT OPEN
ANYWHERE AND STILL BREAK THE SEAL.
17
00:00:57,157 --> 00:00:59,469
- GIVE ME YOUR NAIL FILE, 99.
- OH, RIGHT, MAX.
18
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,493
HERE.
19
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,472
I KNOW IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
20
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:14,386
HURRY, MAX. ONLY
40 SECONDS LEFT.
21
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,056
99, I'VE LOST THE NAIL FILE.
22
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,813
OH NO.
23
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,030
- AH, THAT DID IT.
- YOU GOT IT OPEN.
24
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,598
NO, I BROKE MY FINGERNAIL.
25
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:30,433
NOW I'LL HAVE TO
FIND THE NAIL FILE.
26
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:33,202
WE CAN'T, MAX. THERE'S NOT
TIME... ONLY 20 SECONDS LEFT.
27
00:01:33,226 --> 00:01:35,405
HOW MANY PACKETS OF
EXPLOSIVES DO WE HAVE?
28
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,907
- UH, TWO.
- GOOD.
29
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,076
I'LL USE ONE OF THEM TO
BLOW OPEN THE ENVELOPE.
30
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,580
WHAT IS IT?
31
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:47,083
SOUNDS LIKE A
YELLOW-BELLIED SAPSUCKER.
32
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,918
ON THE OTHER HAND IT COULD BE
33
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,042
A GIANT TOOTHLESS COCKATOO.
34
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,819
MAX!
35
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,297
ALL RIGHT, GET UP.
36
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,898
THAT WILL BE ALL, LARRABEE.
37
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,800
MAX, THIS WAS ONLY
A TRAINING EXERCISE.
38
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,303
TOMORROW YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO GO ON THE REAL MISSION.
39
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,972
- I'M READY, CHIEF.
- YOU'RE READY? YOU JUST GOT KILLED!
40
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:19,498
I SAID I WAS READY. I
DIDN'T SAY I WAS PERFECT.
41
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,747
DON'T WORRY ABOUT OPENING
THOSE SEALED ORDERS, MAX.
42
00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,282
IT WAS JUST A TRAINING SESSION.
43
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,784
THE MISSION WILL GO AHEAD
TONIGHT AS SCHEDULED, SIR.
44
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:29,852
RIGHT.
45
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,489
THANK YOU FOR
WISHING US LUCK, SIR.
46
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,793
WE'LL NEED IT.
47
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,726
MAX, NEVER MIND
ABOUT THE ENVELOPE.
48
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,661
I'LL FILL YOU IN PERSONALLY.
49
00:03:38,685 --> 00:03:41,964
TONIGHT'S MISSION DEPENDS
ON A SPLIT-SECOND TIMETABLE.
50
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,866
IT CERTAINLY IS
TOP SECRET, CHIEF.
51
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,835
WE DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT THE OBJECTIVE IS.
52
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,570
WE WANTED TO
AVOID SECURITY LEAKS.
53
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:51,041
A NUMBER OF COMMERCIAL
CARGO SHIPS HAVE BEEN HIJACKED
54
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,009
- OVER THE PAST
SIX MONTHS.
- KAOS?
55
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:57,414
YES. THEY'VE BEEN COMMITTING PIRACY
ON THE HIGH SEAS USING SUBMARINES.
56
00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:00,716
WE'VE DISCOVERED THEIR BASE ON AN
ISLAND NOT FAR FROM OUR COASTLINE.
57
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,054
THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE
PIRACY OPERATION
58
00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:06,756
IS A MASTER COMPUTER
LOCATED HERE.
59
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:10,125
IT EVALUATES SHIPPING DATA,
CARGOES, TIDES, CURRENTS,
60
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,962
AND FIXES THE POINT OF
INTERCEPTION BY THE KAOS SUBMARINE.
61
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:15,798
- THEN THE COMPUTER
IS OUR OBJECTIVE.
- CORRECT.
62
00:04:15,822 --> 00:04:18,000
OUR SUBMARINE WILL
TAKE YOU TO THE ISLAND.
63
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,936
YOU'LL HAVE TO SLIP
PAST THE KAOS GUARDS,
64
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,038
WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH
A NETWORK OF LAND MINES
65
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,973
THERE,
66
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:25,942
GET TO THE COMPUTER
AND DESTROY IT.
67
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:27,309
I LIKE THAT PLAN, CHIEF.
68
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:30,212
IT'S INVENTIVE, IMAGINATIVE
AND BRILLIANTLY THOUGHT OUT.
69
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:32,314
MAX, IT SOUNDS LIKE A
SUICIDE MISSION TO ME.
70
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:35,585
WELL, OF COURSE IT'S A
SUICIDE MISSION, 99. SO WHAT?
71
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,676
OUR NEXT MISSION WILL BE EASIER.
72
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,460
AFTER THE MISSION YOU'LL HAVE TO SIGNAL
OUR SUB WHERE AND WHEN TO PICK YOU UP.
73
00:04:44,484 --> 00:04:47,463
THERE ARE POWERFUL BLINKER
LIGHTS BUILT INTO THOSE EARRINGS.
74
00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:49,732
VERY CLEVER, PROFESSOR CARLSON.
75
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:52,602
THEN IF WE GET CAUGHT
76
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,592
NO ONE WILL SUSPECT A THING.
77
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,374
MAYBE I SHOULD WEAR
THE EARRINGS, MAX.
78
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,877
OH? OH, RIGHT, 99.
79
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:03,246
THEY'LL PROBABLY LOOK
BETTER ON YOU ANYWAY.
80
00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,116
PROFESSOR CARLSON HAS
ANOTHER SIGNALING DEVICE FOR YOU.
81
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:09,485
NOW THIS LOOKS LIKE AN
ORDINARY FOUNTAIN PEN.
82
00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:13,522
I SEE. AND YOU JUST PRESS
THIS LEVER TO ACTIVATE IT.
83
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:16,159
- MAX!
- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,
84
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,861
WRITE THE SIGNAL
MESSAGE ON MY SHIRT?
85
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,630
NO, YOU PRESS THIS BUTTON
86
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:24,167
AND THE PEN BECOMES
A BLINKER LIGHT.
87
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:27,470
99, YOU STAY HERE WITH PROFESSOR
CARLSON AND DRAW THE SPECIAL EQUIPMENT.
88
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,195
MAX, YOU COME WITH ME FOR
THE RENDEZVOUS BRIEFING.
89
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,778
HELLO, GENTLEMEN.
I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE.
90
00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,345
THIS IS MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86.
91
00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:38,915
MAX, THIS IS ADMIRAL NELSON
OF THE SUBMARINE COMMAND,
92
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,817
ADMIRAL JONES FROM
DESTROYER COMMAND.
93
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,285
- SMART.
- GENTLEMEN.
94
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,453
- SHALL WE GET RIGHT
TO THE BRIEFING?
- RIGHT.
95
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:47,824
SMART, YOU'LL BE PROCEEDING FROM
THE MAINLAND AT PRECISELY 2100 HOURS.
96
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,260
THE SUBMARINE WILL PROCEED
SOUTHEAST TO THIS POINT...
97
00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:53,329
35° LATITUDE, 68° LONGITUDE.
98
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:57,167
36° LATITUDE, 67° LONGITUDE.
99
00:05:57,191 --> 00:06:00,804
35° LATITUDE, 68° LONGITUDE.
100
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,406
YOU WILL RENDEZVOUS THERE
WITH ONE OF HIS DESTROYERS.
101
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,808
TWO DESTROYERS.
102
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,542
TWO? I THOUGHT WE AGREED ON ONE.
103
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,377
I FELT TWO WOULD BE SAFER.
104
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,813
ALL RIGHT. I'LL JUST MATCH
THAT WITH ANOTHER SUB.
105
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:14,205
THAT CALLS FOR FOUR
MORE DESTROYERS, JOHN.
106
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,687
YOU'RE STARTING AGAIN, HORATIO.
107
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,757
I'LL JUST CALL THOSE
FOUR DESTROYERS
108
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:24,615
AND RAISE YOU FOUR SUBMARINES.
109
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,964
YOU'RE BLUFFING.
110
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:31,233
HORATIO, IF YOU HAVE ANY GUTS
WE'LL MAKE THIS A REAL RENDEZVOUS.
111
00:06:31,257 --> 00:06:32,977
- NO LIMIT.
- YOU'RE ON!
112
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:41,243
WELL, CHIEF, THIS LOOKS LIKE
IT'S GONNA BE A LONG SESSION.
113
00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:44,647
I THINK WE'D BETTER SEND OUT
FOR SOME SANDWICHES AND COFFEE
114
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,671
AND MORE SHIPS.
115
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,327
- WELCOME ABOARD, AGENT SMART.
- WHY THANK YOU, SKIPPER.
116
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,096
WE'LL BE SHOVING
OFF IN A FEW MINUTES.
117
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:08,237
BELAY THAT! SORRY, THE MEN AREN'T
ACCUSTOMED TO HAVING A PRETTY FACE ONBOARD.
118
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:11,674
IF THEY LIKE ME, WAIT
TILL THEY GET A LOAD OF 99.
119
00:07:11,698 --> 00:07:13,331
THIS WAY, MR. SMART.
120
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:26,021
MY APOLOGIES FOR YOUR QUARTERS,
SMART, BUT WE'RE SHORT ON SPACE.
121
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:29,592
AGENT 99 WILL BE USING MY QUARTERS
AND I'LL BUNK WITH THE EXECUTIVE OFFICER.
122
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:30,926
RIGHT, SKIPPER.
123
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,862
WANT TO CHECK OUT THE
SPECIAL EQUIPMENT, MAX?
124
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:35,864
NO, I THINK I'LL JUST
REST FOR A WHILE, 99.
125
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:37,967
YOU GO AHEAD AND
DO THE BRIEFING.
126
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,137
WE HAVE TWO Z-139
LAND MINE DETECTORS...
127
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,206
TWO Z-139s.
128
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:47,176
AND WE HAVE FIVE PACKETS OF
E-18 PLASTIC EXPLOSIVES AND FUSES.
129
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,911
FIVE PACKETS, GOTCHA.
130
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,902
AND ONE TX-7 LONG-RANGE
EXPLOSIVE LAUNCHER.
131
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:58,976
LISTEN, 99, WHY DON'T YOU REST
FOR A WHILE AND I'LL DO THE BRIEFING?
132
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,794
THIS IS THE SPOT, MR. SMART.
133
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,619
WE'RE READY TO PUT
YOU ASHORE NOW.
134
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:14,337
MAX, THIS LOOKS
LIKE A TOUGH ONE.
135
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,606
CHANCES ARE WE'RE NOT
GOING TO COME BACK ALIVE.
136
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,443
IN CASE WE DON'T, ISN'T THERE
ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO SAY?
137
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:23,579
YES, 99. AS LONG AS I HAVE
TO GO ON A SUICIDE MISSION,
138
00:08:23,603 --> 00:08:25,470
I'M GLAD IT'S WITH YOU.
139
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:45,067
RIGHT ON THE NOSE, 99. NOW WE'VE GOT
TWO MINUTES TO GET PAST THE GUARDS,
140
00:08:45,091 --> 00:08:47,603
FOUR MINUTES TO WORK OUR
WAY THROUGH THE LAND MINES,
141
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:49,405
FIND THE KAOS
COMPUTER AND BLOW IT UP.
142
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:59,070
THIS MAY PUT US A
LITTLE BEHIND SCHEDULE.
143
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:14,997
WE'RE SUNK, MAX. WE'LL NEVER
COMPLETE THE MISSION NOW.
144
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,765
MAYBE NOT, 99. I'VE GOT A PLAN.
145
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:19,168
GET READY TO HIT THE
DIRT WHEN I SAY NOW.
146
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:22,371
OH, PARDON ME, BUT ISN'T
YOUR HAND GRENADE LOOSE?
147
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,115
NO IT ISN'T. IT'S
PERFECTLY TIGHT.
148
00:09:29,769 --> 00:09:31,681
THEY MUST HAVE HEARD
THE EXPLOSION, MAX.
149
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,182
YES. IN A FEW MINUTES
150
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,852
THERE'LL BE KAOS AGENTS
SWARMING ALL OVER THIS PLACE.
151
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:38,036
COME ON, 99, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.
152
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:43,926
QUICK, MAX, ONLY THREE MINUTES TO
FIND THE COMPUTER AND BLOW IT UP!
153
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:46,117
HERE, TAKE THIS,
99. I'LL GET THE GUN.
154
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:52,101
HOLD IT, 99! WE CAN'T GO
THROUGH THOSE BUSHES.
155
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:55,705
IT'S A MINEFIELD. WHY, ANY ONE OF THESE
BERRIES COULD BLOW US TO SMITHEREENS.
156
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,406
EVEN THAT LOG, MAX?
157
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,441
NOT THE LOG, 99,
158
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,712
BUT OUR FINE FEATHERED
FRIEND THE BIRD BOMB!
159
00:10:03,736 --> 00:10:05,214
CAN YOU DEACTIVATE IT?
160
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:08,117
YES.
161
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:11,187
ALL I HAVE TO DO...
162
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,456
IS PLUCK IT!
163
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,458
QUICK, MAX. WE'RE
BEHIND SCHEDULE.
164
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:18,561
WE'LL HAVE TO SET UP HERE AND SEE
IF WE CAN FIND THE COMPUTER BY MAP.
165
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,145
- PUT HER DOWN THERE, 99.
- RIGHT.
166
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:35,677
NOW LET'S SEE...
78° LONGITUDE WEST,
167
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,347
35° LATITUDE EAST.
168
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,916
99, THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
169
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:43,485
- WHY NOT, MAX?
- THIS IS A MAP
OF SAN FRANCISCO.
170
00:10:43,509 --> 00:10:45,955
MAX, YOU CAN SEE THE
COMPUTER RIGHT THROUGH THERE.
171
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:49,892
RIGHT, PERFECT. IT'S
ABOUT A 300-YARDS RANGE.
172
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:51,493
- LOAD HER UP, 99.
- RIGHT, MAX!
173
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,962
OKAY, MAX,
174
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,631
FIRE!
175
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:58,857
DIRECT HIT, MAX, RIGHT ON THE
COMPUTER BUILDING! QUICK, LIGHT THE FUSE.
176
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,760
HURRY, MAX, HURRY.
177
00:11:04,631 --> 00:11:05,875
YOU GOT ANOTHER MATCH, 99?
178
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,766
- WHY?
- I LIT MY SHOELACE.
179
00:11:10,937 --> 00:11:12,503
GOOD. SIGNAL THE SUB.
180
00:11:15,475 --> 00:11:17,241
THERE'S A SUBMARINE
SURFACING, MAX.
181
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,489
AND THERE GOES THE COMPUTER.
182
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,673
COME ON, 99, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.
183
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:32,590
EVERYTHING WENT
PERFECTLY, FROM A TO Z.
184
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:36,539
WOULD YOU BELIEVE A TO B?
185
00:11:36,563 --> 00:11:40,075
WELCOME ABOARD.
WEAPONS, PLEASE. HANDS UP!
186
00:11:40,099 --> 00:11:41,577
SIEGFRIED!
187
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,979
99, I HAVE A FEELING WE'RE
ON THE WRONG SUBMARINE.
188
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:47,349
WE MEET AGAIN, MAXWELL SMART.
189
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:54,390
- THERE GOES MY
SHOE PHONE AGAIN.
- I COUNTED ON THAT.
190
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,459
TAKE HER DOWN TO
PERISCOPE DEPTH.
191
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,628
- HOW DID YOU PICK US UP?
- SIMPLE.
192
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:01,063
I READ YOUR BLINKER SIGNAL.
193
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:04,167
SIEGFRIED, DON'T YOU
KNOW IT'S NOT NICE TO READ
194
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,135
SOMEBODY ELSE'S BLINKER SIGNAL?
195
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:09,705
AS YOU GO THROUGH THE
WORLD OF ESPIONAGE, SMART,
196
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,709
YOU WILL FIND THERE ARE THE
GOOD GUYS AND THE BAD GUYS.
197
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,878
I HAPPEN TO BE ONE
OF THE BAD GUYS.
198
00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:17,980
THERE'S A U.S. DESTROYER
OUT THERE THAT CAN
199
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:20,115
BLOW THIS SUBMARINE
RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER.
200
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:22,084
NO, IT WILL NOT, MISS 99.
201
00:12:22,108 --> 00:12:23,919
WE WILL PASS THROUGH UNHARMED.
202
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:25,521
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?
203
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:29,692
BECAUSE I HAVE INFORMED YOUR CHIEF
THAT YOU ARE IN THE HANDS OF KAOS.
204
00:12:29,716 --> 00:12:32,461
HE WOULD SURELY NOT GIVE THE
ORDER TO SINK THIS SUBMARINE
205
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,297
OR YOU WOULD ALSO BE KILLED.
206
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,032
MMM! HE IS TOO LOYAL.
207
00:12:37,056 --> 00:12:39,601
DON'T BE TOO SURE
ABOUT THAT, SIEGFRIED.
208
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:42,871
OUR CHIEF CAN BE JUST AS
DISLOYAL AS ANYONE ELSE.
209
00:12:42,895 --> 00:12:45,641
I DO NOT BELIEVE THAT... UND...
210
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:49,945
BEFORE WE SLIP OUT OF HERE I
AM GOING TO TAKE MY REVENGE
211
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:53,782
- ON CONTROL FOR
BLOWING UP OUR COMPUTER.
- Max: HOW?
212
00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:58,387
BY TORPEDOING THAT
UNSUSPECTING DESTROYER UP THERE.
213
00:12:58,411 --> 00:13:01,323
IT'S A SITTING DUCK.
214
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,926
- YOU COULDN'T DO THAT!
- OH, YES HE COULD, 99.
215
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,861
AS YOU GO THROUGH
THE WORLD OF ESPIONAGE
216
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:09,431
YOU'LL LEARN THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE
VERY LIKEABLE AND EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.
217
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,367
AND THEN THERE ARE
OTHER PEOPLE WHO ARE...
218
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,869
- HOW DOES THAT GO, SIEGFRIED?
- I'M ONE OF THE BAD GUYS!
219
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,437
HE'S ONE OF THE BAD GUYS.
220
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,528
UP PERISCOPE!
221
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,918
AHA...
222
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,921
THE DESTROYER'S
MOVING OUT OF RANGE
223
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:34,790
BUT I CAN STILL GET IT.
224
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:38,027
MAX, WE'VE GOTTA DO SOMETHING.
225
00:13:38,051 --> 00:13:42,631
SAY, SIEGFRIED, THIS SURE IS A
NICE LITTLE SUBMARINE YOU GOT HERE.
226
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,533
PREPARE TORPEDO!
227
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:47,270
WOULD YOU MIND IF I
TOOK A LITTLE PEEK?
228
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:49,127
WE DON'T PEEK HERE!
229
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,641
COME ON, SIEGFRIED, IF
THIS WERE MY SUBMARINE
230
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,877
AND YOU WERE MY PRISONER
I'D LET YOU TAKE A PEEK.
231
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:57,413
YEAH, AND WHILE YOU ARE PEEKING
232
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,715
MY VALUABLE TIME IS WASTING.
233
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:01,750
AND BY THE TIME YOU
GET FINISHED PEEKING
234
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,053
AND BY THE TIME I GET
BACK TO THE PERISCOPE
235
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:06,389
THE DESTROYER IS OUT OF RANGE.
236
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,490
THAT TRICK IS STUPID!
237
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,293
THAT TRICK IS DUMB!
238
00:14:10,317 --> 00:14:11,916
THAT TRICK IS CHILDISH!
239
00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:16,299
UND...
240
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,889
THE DESTROYER IS OUT OF RANGE.
241
00:14:25,264 --> 00:14:27,910
TIME IS GROWING SHORT.
242
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:30,512
YOU HAVE TO MAKE
UP YOUR MIND, CHIEF.
243
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:34,382
IF WE LET THAT KAOS SUBMARINE GET AWAY
WE MAY NEVER GET ANOTHER CRACK AT IT.
244
00:14:34,406 --> 00:14:37,452
IF WE SINK IT I LOSE
TWO TOP AGENTS
245
00:14:37,476 --> 00:14:40,255
AND MY TWO BEST FRIENDS.
246
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,979
IT'S A DIFFICULT DECISION.
247
00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,994
WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, CHIEF?
248
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:46,795
GENTLEMEN, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.
249
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,030
Both: YES?
250
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,666
I'VE DECIDED TO LEAVE
THE DECISION TO YOU.
251
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,434
VERY WELL, CHIEF.
252
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,738
- I SAY SINK THE SUB.
- I SAY WE DON'T.
253
00:14:55,762 --> 00:14:59,642
THAT MAKES A TIE. YOU'LL HAVE
TO CAST THE DECIDING VOTE, CHIEF.
254
00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,811
I CANNOT LET FRIENDSHIP
AFFECT MY JUDGMENT.
255
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,413
SINK THE SUB.
256
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,603
UP PERISCOPE!
257
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:15,991
NOTHING... NOTHING...
258
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,460
NOTHING...
259
00:15:18,484 --> 00:15:22,464
NOTHING... SIX DESTROYERS...
260
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,134
NOTHING...
261
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:28,070
SIX DESTROYERS HEADED
RIGHT FOR OUR POSITION?!
262
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,072
YOU'D BETTER
SURRENDER, SIEGFRIED.
263
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,107
- NEVER!
- YOU MIND IF WE DO?
264
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,943
FORGET IT, SMART. WE ARE
GOING TO HIDE ON THE BOTTOM.
265
00:15:34,967 --> 00:15:37,301
ALL ENGINES READY!
266
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:41,517
PREPARE TO DIVE!
267
00:15:41,541 --> 00:15:43,507
DOWN PERISCOPE!
268
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:47,656
DIVE!
269
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,577
- KRUEGER.
- JA?
270
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:11,246
WHAT IS OUR POSITION?
271
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:13,015
WE ARE ON THE BOTTOM.
272
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,149
TERRIFIC.
273
00:16:14,173 --> 00:16:16,552
- LISTEN, SIEGFRIED...
- QUIET!
274
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,820
I WISH TO SEE IF THEY
KNOW OUR POSITION.
275
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:21,223
I WANT COMPLETE SILENCE!
276
00:16:21,247 --> 00:16:22,424
SHH!
277
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:25,349
YOU DON'T "SHUSH"
HERE! I "SHUSH" HERE!
278
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:27,985
SHUSH!
279
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:39,930
THOSE DESTROYERS HAVE
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE WE ARE.
280
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:45,948
SOMEONE JUST TOOK A GREAT GUESS.
281
00:16:45,972 --> 00:16:47,449
THAT WAS CLOSE.
282
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,985
WE MAY HAVE TO
MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
283
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,754
WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SIEGFRIED, AFRAID TO DIE?
284
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:55,524
MAX! WE'RE GONNA DIE TOO.
285
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,427
OH. WELL, IN THAT CASE
I HAVE A SUGGESTION.
286
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,496
- Siegfried: WHAT?
- LET'S MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
287
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,119
NO, I THINK NOT.
288
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,774
LOOK, SIEGFRIED. YOUR MEN
LOOK LIKE THEY'RE ABOUT TO PANIC.
289
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:14,476
NEVER! MY MEN ARE
CAREFULLY TRAINED.
290
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:18,435
THEY WILL NOT PANIC UNTIL
I GIVE THE ORDER TO PANIC.
291
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,807
PREPARE TO PANIC!
292
00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:29,658
THOSE DEPTH CHARGES ARE
GETTING CLOSER, SIEGFRIED.
293
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,827
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF
MINUTES UNTIL THEY HIT US.
294
00:17:31,851 --> 00:17:34,463
MY MEN HAVE BEEN
UNDER ATTACK BEFORE.
295
00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:39,301
WE WILL REMAIN IN THIS AREA
FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES,
296
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:42,092
THEN I WILL EXECUTE
A COUNTER-MANEUVER.
297
00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,445
LISTEN TO ME, MEN.
SIEGFRIED DOESN'T CARE
298
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,680
IF YOU STAY DOWN HERE
AND DROWN LIKE RATS.
299
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,815
YOUR ONLY CHANCE IS
TO FOLLOW ME AND MUTINY.
300
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:56,718
MUTINY? DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
THEY WILL NOT MUTINY.
301
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,175
COVER THEM!
302
00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:02,566
MEN, THINK OF YOUR
WIVES AND CHILDREN.
303
00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,584
DUMMKOPFS. NONE
OF YOU ARE MARRIED.
304
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:11,233
LISTEN, ARE YOU GONNA GAMBLE
AND TAKE THE ONE SMALL CHANCE
305
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,834
YOU'VE GOT TO GET
OUT OF HERE ALIVE,
306
00:18:12,858 --> 00:18:14,236
OR ARE YOU GOING TO SURRENDER
307
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:16,927
AND BE GUARANTEED
LIFE IMPRISONMENT?
308
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,342
MEN, I HOPE YOU REALIZE
309
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:23,200
A MUTINY MIGHT
AFFECT YOUR PENSIONS.
310
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,705
I'M PREPARED TO
OFFER YOU $5,000 EACH.
311
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:32,888
YOU FOOLS! WE STILL HAVE A
CHANCE TO GET OUT OF THIS.
312
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,590
AND IN CASE YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN,
313
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:38,115
NEXT WEEK IS THE
ANNUAL KAOS DANCE!
314
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,485
$10,000.
315
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:45,367
I'M SORRY, SMART.
316
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:49,159
MY MEN JUST HAPPEN TO
BE CRAZY ABOUT DANCING.
317
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:56,712
THEY'RE ZEROING IN
ON YOU, SIEGFRIED.
318
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,436
KRUEGER!
319
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,923
WHAT DID HE SAY, MAX?
320
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:09,825
HE SAID TO RELEASE THE OIL.
321
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:11,526
IT'S AN OLD TRICK, 99.
322
00:19:11,550 --> 00:19:14,563
WHEN THE OIL GETS TO THE SURFACE
THEY THINK THE SUB HAS BEEN HIT.
323
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:16,531
BUT LET ME TELL
YOU THIS, SIEGFRIED...
324
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,623
THE TRICK IS STUPID!
325
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,426
THE TRICK IS DUMB!
326
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,697
THE TRICK IS CHILDISH!
327
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,033
THE TRICK IS CHILDISH!
328
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,871
AND THE TRICK IS WORKING.
329
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:38,109
QUICKLY, TAKE THESE TWO
TO THE TORPEDO ROOM.
330
00:19:42,749 --> 00:19:45,482
YOU, SMART, OVER HERE.
331
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,699
LOAD YOURSELF INTO
THE TORPEDO TUBE.
332
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:54,136
JUST WHAT HAVE YOU
GOT IN MIND, SIEGFRIED?
333
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,573
I THINK MY LITTLE
PLAN WILL AMUSE YOU.
334
00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,241
WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO,
335
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,411
BECAUSE UP UNTIL NOW YOU HAVEN'T
EXACTLY BEEN A BARREL OF LAUGHS.
336
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:05,681
PERHAPS WHEN YOU
FULLY UNDERSTAND.
337
00:20:05,705 --> 00:20:10,252
I AM GOING TO FIRE THE BOTH OF
YOU FROM THE TORPEDO TUBES.
338
00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:13,722
WHEN THE DESTROYERS MOVE
IN TO RECOVER YOUR BODIES,
339
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:16,658
I WILL FIRE THE REAL TORPEDOES.
340
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,026
GET IN!
341
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:22,631
WAIT A MINUTE, SIEGFRIED.
MAY I HAVE ONE LAST REQUEST?
342
00:20:22,655 --> 00:20:24,533
LAST REQUEST?
343
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,535
IT'S JUST THAT
MAXWELL SMART AND I
344
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,438
HAVE BEEN VERY DEAR
FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME
345
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:32,796
AND I'D LIKE TO SHAKE
HIS HAND GOODBYE.
346
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:38,313
WHAT KIND OF A
LAST REQUEST IS THIS?
347
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:41,316
WHAT HARM COULD IT DO? GO AHEAD!
348
00:20:41,340 --> 00:20:42,851
MAX, THE MINI T.H.!
349
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,286
- MINI T.H.?
- YES, THE MINIATURE
TORPEDO HAMMER.
350
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:47,989
THERE'S A POWERFUL EXPLOSIVE
IN THE HEAD OF THIS HAMMER.
351
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:51,994
ONE TAP ON THE NOSE OF THIS
TORPEDO AND WE'LL ALL BE BLOWN TO BITS.
352
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,895
YOUR GUN, SIEGFRIED.
353
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,399
ALL RIGHT, NOW HAVE YOUR MEN DROP THEIR
GUNS AMD BRING THE SUB TO THE SURFACE.
354
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,167
DO AS HE SAYS.
355
00:20:59,191 --> 00:21:01,436
I HOPE YOU'VE LEARNED
YOUR LESSON, SIEGFRIED.
356
00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:04,161
I SURE HAVE.
357
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:08,910
WHAT DID HE SAY, MAX?
358
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:11,279
FROM NOW ON,
359
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,803
NO MORE LAST REQUESTS!
360
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,242
ALL RIGHT, SIEGFRIED, MOVE OUT.
361
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:24,026
WELL, SIEGFRIED, YOU'RE GOING
AWAY TO PRISON FOR A LONG LONG TIME.
362
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:27,128
I HAVE ESCAPED
FROM PRISONS BEFORE
363
00:21:27,152 --> 00:21:29,497
AND I SHALL ESCAPE
FROM PRISONS AGAIN.
364
00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,033
AND MAX WILL CAPTURE YOU AGAIN.
365
00:21:31,057 --> 00:21:34,302
- REALLY, MISS 99?
- YES, SIEGFRIED.
366
00:21:34,326 --> 00:21:36,271
AS YOU GO THROUGH
THE WORLD OF ESPIONAGE
367
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:39,307
YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT THERE ARE
SOME BAD GUYS AND SOME GOOD GUYS.
368
00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:42,778
AND MAXWELL SMART HAPPENS
TO BE ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS.
369
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:46,615
AS ONE BAD GUY TO ONE
GOOD GUY, I PROMISE YOU
370
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:49,150
WE SHALL MEET AGAIN, SMART!
371
00:21:49,174 --> 00:21:51,075
ALL RIGHT, SIEGFRIED, MOVE OUT.
372
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:57,392
- MAX, TELL ME SOMETHING.
- YES, WHAT IS IT, 99?
373
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,094
IF SIEGFRIED HADN'T SURRENDERED
374
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,797
WOULD YOU REALLY HAVE HIT
THE TORPEDO WITH THAT HAMMER?
375
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,699
YES, BUT IT WOULDN'T
HAVE DONE ANY GOOD.
376
00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,201
YOU SEE, I HAPPENED TO HAVE
NOTICED WITH MY EAGLE EYE
377
00:22:06,225 --> 00:22:08,637
THAT THE FIRING PIN ON
THIS HAMMER WAS DEFECTIVE.
378
00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:10,394
- REALLY?
- YES, NO GOOD AT ALL.
379
00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,945
- 99, DO ME A FAVOR!?
- TO DO WHAT, MAX?
380
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,169
REMIND ME TO HAVE
MY EAGLE EYE CHECKED!
381
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:31,092
- HELLO, CHIEF.
- 99, MAX!
382
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:32,727
AM I GLAD TO SEE
YOU. WELCOME HOME.
383
00:22:32,751 --> 00:22:35,130
THOUGHT WE WERE GONE
FOREVER, HUH, CHIEF?
384
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:38,433
NONSENSE, MAX. I HAVE ALL THE
CONFIDENCE IN THE WORLD IN YOU.
385
00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:41,136
OH REALLY? THEN
PERHAPS YOU CAN EXPLAIN
386
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:44,139
WHY A STRANGER'S CAR
IS IN MY PARKING PLACE
387
00:22:44,163 --> 00:22:46,875
AND SOMEONE ELSE'S GYM
SHOES ARE IN MY LOCKER.
388
00:22:46,899 --> 00:22:50,345
IT'S ONLY TEMPORARY, MAX. I KNEW
YOU'D BE GONE FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.
389
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:51,547
ARE YOU SURE, CHIEF?
390
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,682
OF COURSE, MAX.
391
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:54,716
YES?
392
00:22:54,740 --> 00:22:56,552
Hobson: Agent
86 to see you, sir.
393
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:59,388
UH, HAVEN'T YOU MADE SOME
SORT OF MISTAKE, HOBSON?
394
00:22:59,412 --> 00:23:02,880
No, sir, you reassigned
that number last week.
395
00:23:04,816 --> 00:23:07,963
- I'M SORRY, MAX.
- IT'S OKAY, CHIEF. I'M EXPENDABLE.
396
00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:10,732
- I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU, MAX.
- A RAISE?
397
00:23:10,756 --> 00:23:12,234
NO, WE'RE OVER BUDGET.
398
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,501
A VACATION?
399
00:23:13,525 --> 00:23:15,037
I CAN'T SPARE YOU RIGHT NOW.
400
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:18,507
HOW ABOUT ANOTHER
SUICIDE MISSION?
401
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:19,874
DON'T BE A GROUCH!
402
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:22,544
I'M PROUD OF THE WAY YOU AND
99 HANDLED THIS ASSIGNMENT.
403
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,911
THANK YOU, CHIEF.
404
00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:26,714
AT LEAST SIEGFRIED IS BEHIND
BARS WHERE HE BELONGS.
405
00:23:26,738 --> 00:23:28,983
I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME
BAD NEWS FOR YOU, MAX.
406
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:31,052
- SIEGFRIED HAS ESCAPED.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
407
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:34,236
NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT I JUST
GOT THIS TELEGRAM FOR YOU.
408
00:23:38,050 --> 00:23:41,596
"WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE
KILLED YOU IN COLD BLOOD.
409
00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:43,665
SINCERELY, SIEGFRIED."
410
00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:45,567
MAX, HE REALLY MEANS THAT.
411
00:23:45,591 --> 00:23:50,004
I KNEW HE WAS VICIOUS AND CRUEL AND
ROTTEN BUT THIS TIME HE'S GONE TOO FAR.
412
00:23:50,028 --> 00:23:51,105
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
413
00:23:51,129 --> 00:23:52,962
THIS TELEGRAM WAS SENT COLLECT!
31924
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