Original subtitles

what's up you forgot to take out the trash by the way and cleaning the garage

fuck my chub life bro i can't i'm busy look maxing okay i

can't i can't be doing all this stuff you forget to do like just do your

chores it's not that hard why can't mom hire somebody because you're not rich

what do you mean why can't you hire somebody

Depressed, okay? I don't have to do manual labor around the house. Manual is

taking out the garbage.

Okay, I don't want to do this either. Okay, I'm watching my lookmasters. I'm

watching Cookie King. I'm watching Clav. Like, I'm bone smashing.

I have things to do.

I have orbits to tilt.

Like, you can't... You can't be doing all this. You gotta do your shit so I

do my stuff in peace.

You're such a warper.

Dude, shut up. You're an incel. You're literally an incel, dude. Like, I bet...

I bet you're still obsessed with Asmongold and Nick Florentes. Like,

an incel.

Yeah, well, why?

Yeah, of course I am. Of course I am. I'm 28 and I live in your mom's house.

out of here. Hey!

Dude, seriously?

Really?

Dude.

I'm going to bone smash you.

Bone smash you?

You want to see?

Listen, my... Listen.

My life is not a joke, okay? I'm a true self freak.

all right you know what you have no idea your looks max and what a what a joke

okay you're a point you're already high you're already you already won yeah i

wasn't always a safety light i wasn't always a true eve you think i was born

like this no we have the same like no no i became

through safety and like eve through hard labor and work okay you

wouldn't get it i it's cookie king can go from being incel to fucking

gorgeous man of the year love love cookie king then so can you like just

your shit together like it's not that hard i just lost some weight like what

it you have to just okay it's all brain rot it's all nonsense okay i

am i'm cooked i'm trying i'm good it's not over though

It's been over. It never began. Your canceled tilt isn't that bad, bro. Bro,

could be worse, okay? I think if you just do some plastic surgery maxing and

your, like, canceled tilt and get it out. What is that? I think you'll be

What do you mean canceled tilt? What are you talking about? It's your eyeball

tilt.

Like, what?

What do you mean? Like... It's your eyebrow tilt.

How do I do that? It's your eye tilt.

You have hunter eyes, not prey.

I have hunter eyes?

Yeah. It could be over, but it's not.

You just have to apply yourself, I think.

What else do I have to know?

Well, there's a lot of stuff that you can max.

Like, testosterone maxing, Adderall maxing. Like, bro, there's so much stuff

can do to fix yourself.

Plastic surgery maxing, like, clavs. Where am I supposed to get money to do

plastic surgery?

You just have to start screaming or something. I don't know. Get OnlyFans.

Everybody has one. I need to do...

plastic i need a plastic pigeon to do drugs and i'll have a good life yeah

exactly basically you have to bone smash you like you're such a virgin dude

you need to get your shit together you need to get your shit together i'm a

soul i'm i've never held a girl's hand i've never kissed a girl you're not even

a real a real incel a real incel would never call us girls you would call us

boys you're literally such a faker i just called you a boy a second ago well

you're a faker like there you're touching a floyd a floyd has touched you

you you can't get violent okay that's not cool don't do that you freaking

gosh it doesn't even count you're my stepsister i holding hands with my

stepsisters i mean what a pathetic sick twisted joke that is my life dude you

just literally need to clean the garage like i'm in the middle of watching

cookie king edits like dude look okay i know that you're so hopeless and sad but

if cookie king can go from grotesque and horrific looking to like chad light

so can you like look at these edits bro yeah but wait

wait look he gets really hot like this is him in not his best shape okay

this is cookie king but look he transformed

You see this?

Like, he's gorgeous now.

He looks fat in that video.

I mean, he's got good genetics. He's like a handsome guy.

Yeah, but he was look -smacking. That's how he got gorgeous. That's why I'm busy

with my thing. You just need to get your shit together.

Maybe start look -smacking instead of Nick Fuentes -maxing or whatever the

you're doing. Yeah, well, looking better is not enough.

It will though. It literally will save you. It saved me.

It saved me, bro. Look maxing saved us.

You giggle, but it's true. It's true. True, Snoop.

Benjamin and Yahoo.

True thing.

You think he's look maxing? No, he's killing maxing.

That's why he's ugly.

And his life is bad.

Because he's not a look maxer. Because he's not watching Clav.

And Jenny Popat, his girlfriend.

And Cookie King.

Gorgeous Cookie King.

Beautiful, amazing, splendid Cookie King. I love him. He's the soulmate of

life. The internet was a mistake.

Without the internet, you wouldn't know what intel is.

You're like Christian.

I'd have a good life. I'd probably have a wife and kids and stuff.

No, you wouldn't have a child wife. You would be the wife.

Be serious.

Be serious. No.

Whatever.

Yeah, well, they don't make, even if I look better, I still don't know how to

talk to girls.

You think Cookie Kid is original, bro? He's so awkward.

My penis is tiny.

It can't be that tiny.

I mean, I've seen your dad for unrelated purposes, but like genetics, it can't

be that fat.

It's not that, it's not great.

It's not fucking.

Well, I mean, have you even like had sex before?

I'm a true cell. I'm like, no, no. You're a true cell?

Okay, well, I was a fake cell. I have a sick, twisted, fucked life, okay?

I don't have a job.

You're 28.

You're living in my mom's house.

Okay, but with all this free time, you should be slinging dick. Like, what else

are you doing? You're just rotting in your room.

Yeah, that's not, yeah, it's not that easy.

Do you think if I could, if I had an option?

Do you think Asmongold is a virgin? Do you not understand what infill means?

It means I am... Involuntary celibate. Yes. I'm aware. I can't... I'm locked

you know? I cannot have sex. I'm not allowed by society.

Allowed? Fools will not touch me.

I just touched you. I'm a fool. Like, girl, you're so dramatic.

You're literally so dramatic.

Like, if Asmongold can swing dicks, then so can you. Be serious.

I love Asmongold.

Wait, what are you doing? I'm sure it's fine. What are you doing?

Just penis mask.

Like, it'll be fine.

See, it's not bad.

Look, it looks horrific.

You're so dramatic.

I've seen so much worse.

It looks horrible.

No, it doesn't. You just need a penis max.

You're touching it. Why are you touching it?

Because I'm helping you. I'm being a good step -sister. This is what we're

doing, okay? I'm helping you.

Like, you just need to penis max it. Like, it's not that hard. Look, okay,

will help me anyway for my jaw maxing because I'm trying to bring my jaw

forward.

so i'm gonna use it as like an exercise and you can you can like benefit from

that i don't know you're a weirdo an intel oh um

this is really scary scary you freaking dude it's fine

there's nothing scary about this be serious the only scary thing here is

gold i saw you watching him earlier on your freaking laptop you weirdo

What are you, like, secretly in love with him or something? Cheers.

A lot of people watch Asmogold. A lot of incels do. You need to switch up your

content and start watching Clav and Cookie King.

The Cookieverse, bro. 90 -year -old drug addict?

Doing three interviews in Miami?

He is Del Rey, actually, not Miami.

Okay.

Just shut up.

not even that big it's literally average it might be a little bit bigger than

normal actually like it's a normal dick like i don't know why you're complaining

so much it's literally fine like

you don't think it's like fucking you don't think it's like disgusting

why would i think that it's literally normal like i mean sure it's missing a

hoodie but that's okay well i didn't have a choice in that yeah unfortunate

whatever it's fine it's normal i think you're just being really dramatic is

i think oh already

it's been like five seconds What?

I'm jaw training, okay? I'm literally shaping the way my tongue moves. Like,

stop it. Okay, sorry. I just never... I'm using this as a look -maxing

You need to stop being so friggin' black -pilled, bro. Just be normal.

Gosh. Okay, I just never got a blowjob before. It's like...

it's not even for like blowjob purposes it's literally for my looks maxing like

don't even say that you weirdo this is literally for looks maxing okay like

don't make it weird okay

Oh, gosh.

It's actually kind of nice.

This is like blogey turning me on a little bit. I'm not going to lie.

i'm tired of you just like sitting around and not doing anything all day so

we're changing your life now you're not gonna be like in cell pills anymore okay

no black pill in here right no i'm not i can't lose my actual

virginity my step sister why that's like a porn thing right that's not that's a

normal thing in my culture yeah that's like every every every guy wants to lose

their virginity to their friggin hot step sister like be serious

What? See, you don't seem to be protesting it all that much.

Yeah.

Yeah,

really.

From now on, you're going to be a look smacker, okay? I'm going to fix you.

not over yet, okay? We're going to have surgery, Max.

Okay. It's going to be fine. Trust.

I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing.

Yeah, that's okay. That's why I'm here, okay?

Not only am I a looks master, but I've had so much sex.

Like, I'm a professional at this, basically.

You're in good hands.

And good pussies.

See,

I know you've been, like, curious to what my boobs look like. I've seen you

stare at them before.

I can squeeze them, right? Yeah.

Oh, yes, of course you can.

Oh, shit.

See?

You think so? Yeah, I think so.

You could just play Cookie King with that.

See? Sex maxing is just one of the many forms of look maxing.

Exactly.

I'm basically Cookie King, but with boobs.

Can we do a doggy style?

We can try that, yeah.

Okay. Do you think you're up for it? Yeah, I'm up for it.

Okay.

Am I doing okay?

Yeah, you're doing fine. You're doing great.

I don't think you can really fuck this one up.

Okay.

Even though I mean, I was just an intel freak.

Okay, but you're not anymore. You just lost your V -card.

Okay.

See?

I've seen your search history. You're not a gooner, okay? I'm not a gooner.

I do.

Appreciate the arts. Yeah.

Yeah. From time to time. For sure.

Right, like that time I saw your search history.

All born.

And it was weird shit too. It was like Elmo.

Like what?

There's a lot of stuff. Yeah, 134.

Sometimes. Paul McCartney fanboy. Bro.

It's like, like I watch stuff that's like a joke. Yeah, I get it. Paul

fanboy.

would say that.

Oh my gosh, I can use it as

a face cream actually lip smacking community we use that sometimes so this

actually gonna be really useful thank you for this you're just making shit up

now no i'm not it's literally good for your skin it's like a face mask besides

protein it's like literally the most purest form of protein whatever i have

much to teach you okay about lip smacking let's go watch cookie king all

you're the boss