Original subtitles

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" playing]

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

- [wind whistling] - [bag drops]

[sighs]

Well, this ain't no Whoville, but...

it'll do.

I got me enough vials to last me 12 days of Christmas.

See this? It ain't no log.

This is a human arm.

Specifically, a fat man's.

It burns nice, doesn't it?

Surprising, huh?

I keep a few of these arms dry aging throughout the year

just because it's so nice during the winter.

Stay armed, stay warm. That's what I always say.

Well, I'd give you the season's greetings,

but we don't have much

by the way of seasons out here anymore.

And we damn sure don't have any Santa Claus.

[Dogmeat whining]

My jaw hurts from talkin',

so why don't y'all stare at this fire for a little while?

Now, if I fall asleep, make sure you tilt my head away from it.

[Mr. New Vegas] [on radio] Yes, indeed. This is Mr. New Vegas

coming to you live from my namesake,

bringing you all your holiday favorites

this Christmas season.

Now, I hope it's warm and cozy where you are,

and not because you're losing consciousness.

Unless, of course, that's what you want to do.

We all cope with the horrors of life

in our own chemical way.

I'm taking your dedications all night

and reading your Christmas greetings

and heartwarming stories live on the air.

Here's one from Bob in the former Arizona.

He writes, "My dog ran off on Christmas Eve,

and I tell you, it was a repeat of the exact story of Christmas.

Strangers came out of nowhere to help us look for him,

just like the Three Kings from Orient Are.

I was working with them as one of the kings,

and then God is the King of all kings.

So, we had five kings,

but there were seven people total.

Two women and five men, so five kings.

Two queens plus me, plus God.

That's nine kings total, including queens.

And none of us knew where the heck this dog was.

So, I'm thinking, that's like the original Jesus from the story.

The dog is the lost baby Jesus.

So, I'm starting to get very stressed out

because not only did I lose the dog,

but the dog would tell me when somebody was coming.

These people appear. They don't find him.

Plus, they keep asking me if I have chems.

And I do, but I'm not sharing, and I'm mad,

and that's making me feel guilty.

Yes, I have rage issues,

but that explains why I can't part with the chems.

They're medical. Anyways, it turns out

the dog hadn't gone far.

He heard me executing some people earlier,

got scared and hid in the panels.

He eventually came back out

when I started roasting one of the people I killed.

Now, I wish I'd had figured that out

before I executed all the other kings,

but I did my best with the information I had at the time.

Long story long,

I didn't know I needed a dog to celebrate Christmas

before I tried doing it without one.

Isn't that pathetic?

I hate myself."

Thanks, Bob.

Now, here's a holiday tune that'll soothe you

faster than a blood brain barrier full of gaseous chems.

[record clicking]

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year, doo-dee ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

- ♪ And a happy New Year ♪ - ♪ New Year ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your kin ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ We all want some figgy pudding, we all want some figgy pudding ♪

♪ We all want some figgy pudding, so bring some out here ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your kin ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some ♪

♪ We won't go until we get some, so bring some out here ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your kin ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year, doo-dee ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪

- ♪ And a happy New Year ♪ - ♪ New Year ♪

♪ Good tidings we bring to you and your kin ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year ♪

♪ Hap, hap, hap, happy New Year, doo-wee ♪♪

[song ends]

["Like a Kid at Christmas" playing]

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ A happy day ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Oh, I'm like a kid at Christmas ♪

♪ How I love the scent of pine ♪

♪ and snowy Christmas postcards ♪

♪ How they decorate my mind ♪

♪ Yes, I'm like a kid at Christmas ♪

♪ 'cause it still gives me a thrill ♪

♪ when I feel the spirit of ♪

♪ goodwill ♪

♪ Oh, I'm like a kid at Christmas ♪

♪ How I love the cold, the choirs ♪

♪ and gifts unwrapped by loved ones ♪

♪ girl, by a blazing fire ♪

♪ Yes, I'm like a kid at Christmas ♪

♪ 'cause it still gives me a thrill ♪

♪ when I feel the spirit of ♪

♪ goodwill ♪

♪ Good, good, goodwill ♪

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ Good, good, goodwill ♪

♪ Have yourself a happy day ♪

♪ Yes, I love the Christmas spirit ♪

♪ of goodwill ♪

♪ Now, I know that you love Christmas ♪

♪ All white with falling snow ♪

♪ A tree with all the trimmings ♪

♪ A touch of mistletoe ♪

♪ And like a kid at Christmas ♪

♪ how I got a wish, it's true ♪

♪ How I love to spend my Christmas ♪

♪ with you ♪

♪ Good, goodwill ♪

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ Good, goodwill ♪

♪ Have yourself a happy day ♪

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ Have yourself a happy day ♪

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ Have yourself a happy day ♪

♪ Have yourself a holiday ♪

♪ Have yourself a happy day ♪♪

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] Hi, I'm DJ Mr. New Vegas,

and picturing you sit there listening,

lounging in your lingerie,

sets my imagination to spinning 45 rpm.

Here's a tune.

["Away in a Manger" playing]

[song fades out]

[fire crackling]

["Santa's Coming (Ho, Ho, Ho)" playing]

- ♪ Merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Merry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Children playing in the snow ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Santa's coming soon ♪

♪ Soon, Santa's coming, ho ho ho ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Merry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Everywhere there's so much joy ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Santa's coming soon ♪

- ♪ Soon, Santa's coming, ho ho ho ♪ - ♪ Ho ho ho ♪

♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry, merry ♪

[whistling]

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

[whistling continues]

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Merry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Children playing in the snow ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Santa's coming soon ♪

♪ Soon, Santa's coming, ho ho ho ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry Christmas ♪ - ♪ Merry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Everywhere there's so much joy ♪

- ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry, Christmas ♪ - ♪ Santa's coming soon ♪

♪ Soon, Santa's coming, ho ho ho ♪

- ♪ Santa's coming soon ♪ - ♪ Soon, Santa's coming, ho ho ho ♪♪

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] You know, I love listening to these old sides,

but not as much as I love listening to your stories.

I wanna hear from you.

Here's a little holiday yarn from Sluggins Rex,

who writes in from the Siltlands with this reminiscence.

"People might complain about Christmas in the Wastelands,

but it's better than in the Vaults.

Trust me. I celebrated Christmas

in a Vault last year, and it sucked.

They were doing this whole Christmas in Hawaii thing,

and it was tacky and pathetic.

They were like, 'Hey there, try this kalua pork,'

and then they gave me a cocktail weenie.

That's pretty disappointing.

Even though I hadn't been around people in years,

I could still tell this is lame.

I guess that's kind of a gift at Christmas,

knowing that you're a more interesting person

than 100% of the Vaulties.

That does make me feel like I've got the ear of Santa.

So, Santa, if you're listening, bring back the real kalua pork.

We've all seen these giant pig creatures roaming the Wasteland.

I'm pretty sure I have,

or at least the dust clouds that they kick up.

What say us all listeners band together

having a hunting party?

Half of us can dig huge holes,

fill it with these kind of hot rocks

that they have now that never cool off,

and see if we can't get that sucker tasting like some kalua.

I'll test it, I promise.

You can watch and see if my face sprouts tumors instantly,

like when they started growing corn again."

Sounds good to me, Sluggins.

I'll be first in line to join your hunting party.

Now, who recognizes this classic holiday tune?

["Jingle Bells" playing]

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go laughing all the way ♪

♪ Bells on bobtails ring making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ A day or two ago I thought I took a ride ♪

♪ and soon, Miss Fanny Bright, seated by my side ♪

♪ The horse was lean and lank, misfortune seemed his lot ♪

♪ He'd got into a drifted bank and we, we got upsot ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, hey ♪

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open ♪

♪ sleigh ♪♪

["O Little Town of Bethlehem" playing]

♪ O little town of Bethlehem ♪

♪ how still we see thee lie ♪

♪ Above thy deep and dreamless sleep ♪

♪ the silent stars go by ♪

♪ Yet in thy dark street shineth ♪

♪ the everlasting light ♪

♪ The hopes and fears of all the years ♪

♪ are met in thee tonight ♪

[humming melody]

♪ Yet in thy dark street shineth ♪

♪ the everlasting light ♪

♪ The hopes and fears of all the years ♪

♪ are met in thee tonight ♪

♪ Are met in thee ♪

♪ tonight ♪♪

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] Regardless, whether you're listening

to every one of these dedications,

I will always love you forever.

Nothing can change that.

["Rockin' Holiday" playing]

♪ Hey, everybody, gather round ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ We're all gonna sit by the Christmas tree ♪

♪ and tomorrow's Christmas Day ♪

♪ Mom's on the left, Dad's on the right ♪

♪ and the kids won't leave us alone ♪

♪ Let's move on under that mistletoe ♪

♪ It's a great night to be home ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ Just sit right down underneath the tree ♪

♪ and we'll wait for Santa's sleigh ♪

♪ It's quite alright if it takes all night ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ Let's make another snowman ♪

♪ We use a carrot for his nose ♪

♪ Oh, Kris Kringle's on his way ♪

♪ and his elves are covered with snow ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ Oh, it's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ Yeah, a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ Oh, it's a rockin' holiday ♪

♪ A rockin' holiday ♪

♪ It's a rockin' holiday ♪♪

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

["We Three Kings" playing]

[song ends]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] Folks, I love each and every one of you.

I feel your love bouncing back to me like sonar.

It hits me hard, like a blast wave.

Keep those dedications coming.

["Hark, the Herald Angels Sing" playing] ♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

♪ Peace on Earth and mercy mild ♪

♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪

♪ Joyful, all ye nations rise ♪

♪ Join the triumph of the skies ♪

♪ With angelic hosts proclaim ♪

♪ Christ is born in Bethlehem ♪

♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

♪ Christ by highest Heav'n adored ♪

♪ Christ, the everlasting Lord ♪

♪ Late in time behold Him come ♪

♪ Offspring of a Virgin's womb ♪

♪ Veiled in flesh the Godhead see ♪

♪ Hail the incarnate Deity ♪

♪ Pleased as man with man to dwell ♪

♪ Jesus, our Emmanuel ♪

♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪

♪ Hail the Heav'n-born Prince of Peace ♪

♪ Hail the Son of Righteousness ♪

♪ Light and life to all He brings ♪

♪ Risen with healing in His wings ♪

♪ Mild He lays His glory by ♪

♪ Born that man no more may die ♪

♪ Born to raise the sons of Earth ♪

♪ Born to give them second birth ♪

♪ Hark, the herald angels sing ♪

♪ Glory to the newborn King ♪♪

[song ends]

["Joy to the Jazzy World" playing]

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

["A Very Merry Christmas" playing]

♪ It's a very merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪

♪ and it happens every year ♪

♪ There's lots of toys for girls and boys ♪

♪ and plenty of holiday cheer ♪

♪ It's a won-won-wonderful holiday ♪

♪ and we're happy as can be ♪

♪ Hear the Christmas bells ringing through the hills ♪

♪ Now, it's time for the Christmas tree ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum-bum-bum, bum ♪

♪ Yeah, it happens every year ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum-bum-bum, bum ♪

♪ Let's spread that Christmas cheer ♪

♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum-bum-bum, bum ♪

♪ Santa's on his way ♪

♪ Oh, you better be good 'cause he's checking his list ♪

♪ and he's loading up his sleigh ♪

♪ It's a very merry, merry, merry Christmas ♪

♪ Take a walk in the frosty air ♪

♪ Every time you go outside ♪

♪ there's snowflakes in your hair ♪

♪ Have a happy, happy, happy little holiday ♪

♪ and a won-wonderful New Year ♪

♪ Let's deck those halls with mistletoe ♪

♪ 'cause Christmastime is here ♪

♪ Let's deck those halls with mistletoe ♪

♪ 'cause Christmastime is here ♪♪

[fire crackling]

["Up on the Housetop" playing]

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

[Mr. New Vegas] So, here's a letter from Angry Ron.

Ron says, "I'm angry

because it's the same Christmas songs every year.

They don't do anything for me anymore.

How do Christmas songs about some baby

5,000 miles away pertain to my life?

I respond to art that speaks to my experience.

Please play some contemporary rap made in the Wasteland."

I'm sorry, Ron. You may be angry, but these songs

are the only ones we have here in the station.

The rest all perished in fires or were pillaged by bandits.

And so now, for the fifth time tonight,

"God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen."

["God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen" playing]

[song ends]

["O Holy Night" playing]

[song ends]

["More Than Enough" playing]

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ I don't need no presents ♪

♪ 'round my tree ♪

♪ or no mistletoe ♪

♪ to share my needs ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ When I look into your eyes ♪

♪ I realize ♪

♪ that my love for you ♪

♪ more than true ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ There'll be choirs singing ♪

♪ children playing ♪

♪ stories being read from a book ♪

♪ There'll be beautiful weather ♪

♪ families together ♪

♪ Christmas, that's all it took ♪

♪ I don't need no presents ♪

♪ 'round my tree ♪

♪ or no mistletoe ♪

♪ to share my needs ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ There'll be beautiful weather ♪

♪ families together ♪

♪ Christmas, that's all it took ♪

♪ Oh, I don't need no presents ♪

♪ 'round my tree ♪

♪ Seeing you all together ♪

♪ enough for me ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo ♪

♪ Christmastime with you ♪

♪ more than enough for me ♪♪

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

- [radio static] - [Mr. New Vegas] Back again with more

of your Christmas greetings and dedications.

Here's one from Andy C. who says,

"I love these old tunes,

but it's hard for me to sing these Christmas carols

knowing I have eaten over 100 people."

Don't worry, Andy,

we'll let the records do the singing for you.

Andy continues, "Singing 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'

was hard enough after killing a man,

but after I devoured his whole family,

I was unable to carry out that tune

without breaking down in tears.

It just takes some of the joy out of the season

when you eat the people you used to celebrate with.

Knowing the taste of a human gallbladder,

I suppose I sing 'O Holy Night.'

How can I think of anything but the bile?

It's easy to sing the words,

but the words don't mean anything anymore,

I mean, what even is a sleigh?

I don't think I've heard sleigh bells in 400 years.

I can slay my friends and neighbors and eat them,

but a one-horse open sleigh, it's meaningless.

I was kicked out of a family dinner

for acknowledging that we ate my cousin.

Never discuss who you're eating as you're eating them.

The people I was with say it makes you feel sick.

I can't confirm that, but I can confirm it makes people mad.

I wish I hadn't eaten so many people

so I'd have someone around to make me feel better."

Well, Andy C., I can't make you feel better

because what you've described is a work of an evil person.

But I'll let God do the judging.

Here's an old classic.

["The First Noel" playing]

[song ends]

["Ho Ho Ho... Here We Go!" playing]

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, up in Santa's sleigh ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, merry all the way ♪

♪ Santa said to jump right in, take a Christmas ride with him ♪

♪ Bags of toys for boys and girls, spreading joy around the world ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, up in Santa's sleigh ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, merry all the way ♪

♪ High up where the reindeer fly, swooping, swirling across the sky ♪

♪ Santa's got his list in hand along with his special Christmas plan ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, up in Santa's sleigh ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, merry all the way ♪

♪ Santa said to jump right in, take a Christmas ride with him ♪

♪ Bags of toys for boys and girls, spreading joy around the world ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go for a most exciting time ♪

♪ Ho ho ho, and here we go, get ready for a ride ♪♪

[song ends]

[fire crackling]

["Silent Night" playing]

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant ♪

♪ so tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in Heavenly ♪

♪ peace ♪

♪ Sleep in Heavenly peace ♪

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ Shepherds quake ♪

♪ at the sight ♪

♪ Glories stream ♪

♪ from Heaven afar ♪

♪ Heavenly hosts ♪

♪ sing Alleluia ♪

♪ Christ the Savior ♪

♪ is born ♪

♪ Christ the Savior is born ♪

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ Son of God ♪

♪ Love's pure light ♪

♪ Radiant beams ♪

♪ from Thy holy face ♪

♪ with the dawn ♪

♪ of redeeming grace ♪

♪ Jesus Lord ♪

♪ at Thy birth ♪

♪ Jesus Lord at Thy birth ♪

♪ Jesus Lord ♪

♪ at Thy birth ♪

♪ Jesus Lord at Thy birth ♪♪

[song ends]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] George Washington Thizz from Sandy Gulch writes,

"War never changes. Neither does Christmas.

Same songs every year. You ever notice that?"

I happen to like it, George.

You know, living in a place

where you never really know where you are

because you're surrounded by shifting sand dunes,

I find Christmas songs are like wayfinding stars

to guide my year by.

If I hear 'em, I know Christmas can't be far away.

["Angels We Have Heard on High" playing]

♪ Angels we have heard on high ♪

♪ sweetly singing o'er the plains ♪

♪ And the mountains in reply ♪

♪ echo back their joyous strains ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Come to Bethlehem and see ♪

♪ Him whose birth the angels sing ♪

♪ Come adore on bended knee ♪

♪ Christ the Lord, the newborn King ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ In excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ Gloria ♪

♪ in excelsis Deo, in excelsis Deo ♪

♪ In excelsis Deo ♪♪

[singer scatting]

["Santa Claus, Don't Be Late" playing]

♪ Santa Claus, don't be late on Christmas Eve ♪

♪ We're hoping that old Rudolph finds his way ♪

♪ Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve ♪

♪ So you better bring lots of presents in your sleigh ♪

♪ Please, Santa Claus ♪

♪ I've been waiting so long for you ♪

♪ Come and visit me on Christmas Eve ♪

♪ So I hope you'll drop on by as you ride across the sky ♪

♪ and I'll pretend to be fast asleep ♪

♪ Santa Claus, don't be late on Christmas Eve ♪

♪ We're hoping that old Rudolph finds his way ♪

♪ Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve ♪

♪ So you better bring lots of presents in your sleigh ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪♪

♪ Santa Claus, don't be late on Christmas Eve ♪

♪ Hoping that old Rudolph finds his his way ♪

♪ Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve ♪

♪ So you better bring lots of presents in your sleigh ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ Hope you'll drop on by as you ride across the sky ♪

♪ And I'll pretend to be fast asleep ♪♪

[song ends]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] This is DJ Mr. New Vegas and I love your style.

I'm attracted to you. Understand?

["Jingle Bells" playing]

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go laughing all the way ♪

♪ Bells on Bobtail ring, making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ on a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

♪ Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪♪

♪ Dashing through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ O'er the fields we go laughing all the way ♪

♪ Bells on Bobtail ring, making spirits bright ♪

♪ What fun it is to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight ♪

♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ in a one-horse ♪

♪ open sleigh ♪♪

[song ends]

["Good King Wenceslas" playing]

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen ♪

♪ When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even ♪

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night though the frost was cruel ♪

♪ When a poor man came in sight gath'ring winter fuel ♪

♪♪

♪ Bring me flesh and bring me wine, bring me pine logs hither ♪

♪ Thou and I will see him dine when we bear them hither ♪

♪ Page and monarch, forth they went, forth they went together ♪

♪ Through the rude wind's wild lament and the bitter weather ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen ♪

♪ When the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even ♪

♪ Brightly shone the moon that night though the frost was cruel ♪

♪ When a poor man came in sight gath'ring winter fuel ♪♪

[song ends]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] And here's a letter from a long-time listener, P. from. D.E.

He says, "Every year I listen to your show." Thank you, P.

"And I reflect on the people I spent prior Christmases with,

killing or eating.

Like Jimmy Cain, who went caroling with me

in order to distract our marks while we robbed them.

He got a little handsy with his half of the take,

so I had to put a bullet in his brain.

Or Melissa, who used to deck the halls in a major way,

filling our collapsed shipping container

with all manner of radioactive glowing bugs

in a Christmas spirited style.

She got bad tumors, had to put her out of her misery.

And how could I forget Big Sarah,

who captained the merry sleigh

when we hitched our gear to some angry Brahmins

and made it more than a hundred miles across the Wasteland together?

She didn't say thank you enough,

so I had to put a bullet in her brain also.

But I think about her often because of just how long I spent

trying and eventually devouring all of her copious leg meat.

She had huge, great legs.

Now, I don't mean that in a sexy way, just in a hungry way.

I found a large cyst on one of her legs

and there was a full tooth growing in it.

Please play 'Angels We Have Heard on High' for me."

["O Christmas Tree" playing]

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ How lovely are your branches ♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ How lovely are your branches ♪

♪ Your boughs are green in summer time ♪

♪ and through the snows of winter time ♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ How lovely are your branches ♪

♪♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ What happiness you're bringing ♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ What happiness you're bringing ♪

♪ Your boughs are green in summer time ♪

♪ and through the snows of winter time ♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ What happiness you're bringing ♪

♪ Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ Your beauty green will teach me ♪

♪ Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ Your beauty green will teach me ♪

♪ that hope and love will ever be ♪

♪ the way that joy is peace for me ♪

♪ O, Christmas tree, o, Christmas tree ♪

♪ What happiness you're bringing ♪♪

[song ends]

["Come All Ye Faithful" playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[music ends]

["I Want You for Christmas" playing]

♪ I see the snowflakes fall ♪

♪ Young children have a ball ♪

♪ But I can't smile at all ♪

♪ You're not with me ♪

♪ The sleigh bells play their tune ♪

♪ for Santa's coming soon ♪

♪ But I can't hide the gloom ♪

♪ You're not with me ♪

♪ I want you for Christmas ♪

♪ My tree just won't burn bright ♪

♪ It won't seem like Christmas ♪

♪ until we make things right ♪

- ♪ Ooh ♪ - ♪ I see snowflakes fall ♪

♪ Young children have a ball ♪

♪ But I can't smile at all ♪

♪ You're not with me ♪

♪ I hear the choir sing ♪

♪ Watch present parents bring ♪

♪ but they don't mean a thing ♪

♪ You're not with me ♪

♪ I want you for Christmas ♪

♪ My tree just won't burn bright ♪

♪ It won't seem like Christmas ♪

♪ until we make ♪

♪ things right ♪♪

[song ends]

["It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" playing]

♪ It came upon the midnight clear ♪

♪ that glorious song of old ♪

♪ From angels bending near the earth ♪

♪ to touch their harps of gold ♪

♪ Peace on the earth, goodwill to men ♪

♪ from heaven's all gracious king ♪

♪ The world in solemn stillness lay ♪

♪ to hear the angels sing ♪

♪ Still through the cloven skies they come ♪

♪ with peaceful wings unfurled ♪

♪ And still their heavenly music floats ♪

♪ o'er all the weary world ♪

♪ Above its sad and lonely plains ♪

♪ they bend on hovering wing ♪

♪ And ever o'er its Babel sounds ♪

♪ the blessèd angels sing ♪

♪♪

♪ And ye, beneath life’s crushing load ♪

♪ whose forms are bending low ♪

♪ Who toil along the climbing way ♪

♪ with painful steps and slow ♪

♪ Look now for glad and golden hours ♪

♪ Come swiftly on the way ♪

♪ Oh, rest beside the weary road ♪

♪ and hear the angels sing ♪

♪ For lo the days are hastening on ♪

♪ by prophets seen of old ♪

♪ When with the ever circling years ♪

♪ shall come the time foretold ♪

♪ When the new heaven and earth shadow ♪

♪ rejoice their peaceful king ♪

♪ The whole world send back the song ♪

♪ which now the angels sing ♪♪

- [static crackles] - [Mr. New Vegas] I'm DJ Mr. New Vegas,

and as long as we have each other,

we're never truly alone, living in squalor.

Here's a letter from Hard Ted in Heartland.

Ted writes, "Please play 'Let It Snow.'

I miss the snow.

It was great cold, I think,

but not the kind of cold you feel when you accidentally lick uranium,

or the kind of cold you get when you sleep in a moldy crawl space.

I wish I could see snow that wasn't just radioactive metal

flaking off some burning husk.

I remember the snow when it used to come out of the,

uh, what's it called, cloud?

I was trying to remember what sledding was like,

but for some reason, all I can think of when I think of sleds

is just skin sloughing off charred corpses and broken bones.

Like last year, I thought I saw snow,

but it was actually a whole ton of termites

all flying out of some barn.

Whatever was in that barn must have been even worse

than a plague of termites.

I find myself thinking this way now."

We all do, Ted. Merry Christmas.

Suck down some chems

and see if you can't forget all about your circumstances.

["Let's Exchange Kisses This Christmas" playing]

♪ Let's share a special gift this Christmas ♪

♪ A love that we'll share from this day on ♪

♪ Then seal our gift of love with kisses ♪

♪ while being wrapped up in each other's arms ♪

♪ Let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Your kiss will be the gift to top them all ♪

♪ Hey, let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Our love will keep us warm 'til Santa calls ♪

♪ This is the friendliest of seasons ♪

♪ for one and all, a festive time ♪

♪ Love's all around and that's the reason ♪

♪ to celebrate ♪

♪ Just place your lips on mine ♪

♪ Let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Your kiss will be the gift to top them all ♪

♪ Let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Our love will keep us warm 'til Santa calls ♪

♪ We just might wait 'neath the mistletoe ♪

♪ to be face to face for the best thrill we know ♪

♪ Let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Your kiss will be the gift to top them all ♪

♪ Let's exchange kisses this Christmas ♪

♪ Our love will keep us warm 'til Santa calls ♪

♪ This love we feel today would never go away ♪

♪ if we share Christmas kisses every day ♪♪

[song ends]

["Jolly Ol' St. Nicholas" playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[song ends]

["King O' Swing" playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[song ends]

["Deck The Halls" playing]

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪♪

♪ See the blazing Yule before us ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Strike the harp and join the chorus ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Follow me in merry measure ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ While I tell of Yuletide treasure ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪♪

♪ Fast away the old year passes ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Hail the new year, lads and lasses ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Sing we joyous all together ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Heedless of the wind and weather ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Tis the season to be jolly ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Don we now our gay apparel ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪

♪ Fa la la la la, la la la ♪

♪ La ♪♪

[song ends]

[radio static]

[Mr. New Vegas] And that's it for me, kids.

Stay alive out there.

I'm technically not.

It's Mr. New Vegas signing off.

A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.