Original subtitles

Hey guys, it's Avery Wilds, and I am so excited for you guys to join me today on

Don't Tell Mom.

This is all about the things you shouldn't tell your wife or your mother,

picking up sexy hitchhikers.

I can't wait for you guys to tell me what you think about it, and thank you

again for joining me. See you later.

Well, don't be too disappointed, okay? I am disappointed. We didn't catch any

fish.

Well... It's a good lesson to learn for next time.

What lesson is that? Learn how to put the bait on correctly?

No, I think you're too loud.

You've got to be quiet while you're fishing.

Not be blabbing your mouth. You're scaring them all away.

Come on. Don't make excuses.

We both know that the reason why we didn't catch any fish is because you

unable to put the bait on correctly.

All right.

Maybe that's true. But either way, we should tell Mom, right? So your mom

thinks we at least caught one.

But we put it back because we were being kind.

We don't let anyone else know. This is between me and you that we didn't really

catch anything.

Why? Because nothing's more embarrassing than going fishing and then everyone

says, did you catch anything? And you say no.

So we say yes.

You see, son, fishing is like hunting. You've got to thought your prey.

You've got to be quiet and silent.

Oh, hello.

Check out that little piece of ass.

Dude, she's hot. We should go pick her up.

Pretty, pretty girl.

Come on, after such a boring weekend, we didn't catch any fish, we didn't get

any pussy.

Let's just pick up this girl and have some fun.

Back in my day, I would be banging babes like that.

Okay, relax.

Mom barely kisses you.

Hey, now.

You seriously want to pick her up?

Hell yeah.

Well,

then it will be up to you to make the moves on her.

Whatever you say, stepdad. Whatever you say.

Alright.

Hello, hello.

Hi, guys.

I'm heading north into the next town. Do you think you could take me?

We are going that way.

Come on in.

Okay, you made me laugh. Of course. You're the most beautiful girl I've seen

week. Oh my goodness, thank you.

As you said, I'm so hot right now. It's so hot out there. I know, but what did

your name was?

My name is Avery. Nice to meet you. I'm Nick. Nice to meet you.

So I'm heading north. Can you guys take me?

Sure. Awesome.

We're happy to give you somewhere comfortable outside of that desert heat.

Thank you.

It is so hot out there.

Do you guys mind if I change?

Of course not. Go ahead.

Okay, awesome. Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. I am just feeling so gross and sticky.

I'm... Well, Robe, we actually caught a really big fish.

A big fish?

Do you know what kind it was?

Uh, just a really, really big one.

Wow.

Okay, okay.

Was it a big fish?

Massive. Gargantuan. Yep.

Okay. But that's why we put it back. Because we were doing the right thing.

Yeah, we care about the environment.

I think these are yours.

Oh my gosh, thank you so much.

Yeah, well we're happy we can help you out.

Yeah, I really appreciate it. I was like dying out here in the sun.

Just sweating my tits off, you know?

Literally, yeah.

Wow. Yeah, we're so happy to help you.

Oh my goodness. Well, thank you again so much. It's so brutal out there.

Alright. This feels so much better. Yeah.

So where are you guys headed?

We are two or three towns more down this highway, but we'll drop you off in town

here. Okay, okay. So, um, are you single?

Oh, no, I'm married.

You're married?

Yeah. Are you single?

Mm -hmm. Yeah?

Yeah. How old are you guys?

34. Oh, 34.

And you? 22. Oh, my gosh, me too.

That is so crazy.

Oh, my gosh. I am so grateful you guys picked me up. It's so hot out there.

It's starting to cool down a little bit, though. It's getting darker.

Yeah, the sun is setting.

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, maybe we should get going soon. Are you guys going to head home?

Yeah, after we drop you in this next town, we're heading straight home.

Okay, well, I know of a motel pretty close by if you guys need to rest.

Sure. Oh, that's a good idea.

Yeah? Yeah.

Okay, well, I'd love to show you this motel.

Okay. Yeah.

Cool.

Awesome.

This place is pretty nice. Yeah, it's a nice room.

There you go. There's your bags.

Yeah, beautiful.

Yeah. We should be comfortable here.

Nick, if you want to sleep in the car and make yourself comfortable, this has

got to be a joke. No.

You can take this back. What are you talking about?

Well, I just thought we'd be staying in here for tonight.

She touched my leg in my car.

No. She even touched my dick.

Don't make me tell mom, okay? She's into me.

Hey, can someone grab me a towel, please?

Yeah, I'll get it. I'll get it, no problem.

Be glad.

Get some towels.

You know, I didn't want him in here anyway.

How did a smart guy like you end up with a son like that?

He's not my son. He's my stepson.

Yeah, but nothing to do with me, really.

You know what I like about hitchhiking?

What? You go on all different kinds of crazy adventures.

And when you're in the middle of the road, no one knows your secret.

I'm married. I have a wife.

What? You don't love this?

Oh.

I do like this.

Um.

Ah.

I just.

Trying.

As long as no one would know about this. Right? I mean.

No one.

No one would know.

No, no

I like your little adventures, Nicole.

I

can

be pretty adventurous myself, you know?

How does this undo?

Take this off.

Oh yeah.

Boing!

Is my dad still around?

Um, no. No, he's still around.

It feels so good.

I can't believe you thought you had a chance.

I bet you that old geezer couldn't keep his dick hard.

Okay. Okay, that's enough.

That's enough of that. What the fuck? What the fuck are you doing here?

Why? She heard me first.

No, she was coming on to me.

No, she wasn't.

I was coming on to both of you.

What? I was coming on to both of you. No.

Yeah. You're grounded, son. Go back in. Don't make me. I'll tell mom.

No, look, instead of fighting, you guys should be working together.

Are you cool with that?

Okay, I guess I could be cool with that. Just don't tell mom.

Okay, I won't tell anyone.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Wow.

Yeah.

oh my god

Ooh, Hitchhikers are such good slots.

You know what I mean?

She's a little adventure, this one.

Oh, yes.

I'm just like...

Turn you around.

I want you both inside me now.

Okay. Okay.

I like that idea.

She is adventurous.

Very. Wow.

So that's really...

Yeah. Bye.

Bye. Using you like a little Hitchhiker's slut should be here.

It is.

I'm so fucking tired

Oh my god.

That's so fucking funny.

Oh, yeah.

We should definitely go fishing again.

Yeah. We sure should, son.

And we pick up more hitchhikers.