Original subtitles

I'll tell you what.

Do you fancy a laugh?

Okay, why not?

Yeah?

You wanna laugh? You fancy a laugh? You mean it? Yeah, go on then.

Go on then, hold that.

Yeah, follow me.

Yeah.

Give us that. You sit down there.

Stay there.

Eh? Eh?

Right. Go on, then.

Have a try. It'll be a laugh.

Sorry, how do you mean?

Try one.

No.

Go on, it'll be a laugh. You said you wanted a laugh, didn't you?

Well, careful.

Yeah? And you said you wouldn't judge anyone, and here you are judging

and you haven't even tried.

Have you ever worn Christmas clothes?

A couple of times when I was a kid, and she wore mine, but that's not, like...

There you go.

It's just almost fun.

Go on, get that down, yeah?

Go on.

Right.

Look.

All designer labels.

Top brands in that lot.

Eh? Designer.

Eh?

Yeah, but... If it's a problem, we'll just leave it, shall we?

Shall we just leave it?

Shall we?

Just for a laugh, yeah?

Yeah, that's it, mate.

It's just a laugh.

It's the thing of beauty now.

Right. A little bit more.

A little bit more, right.

Can I have some of this? Yeah.

Right,

lipstick. Here we go.

Which one? Which colour?

Is it that one? It's that one, isn't it?

I've got two choices. I've got two especially. I've got this one, which

personally I think this is the best, but you've got this one as well, which is a

bit glittery.

That one, I think. That one. Oh, get your balance.

You'll have to get used to walking in those, eh?

Right, you're there. The moment of truth.

You're there.

Go on, have a look.

Eh?

What do you think?

Eh? Right.

All right.

Down, yeah.

Isn't it? Yeah.

You hungry, babe?

Yeah. Hey, look at that! They caught you as well.

Come on, babe.

Your quality is a brick above.

I'm not getting out of here, look at me.

Come on.

Would you like a cup?

Certainly.

Here we

go.

Thank you.

Cheers.

May I get you something to drink?

Yeah, well, champagne, please. Thank you.

We can order.

We'll order later then. Thank you.

Now what babe?

You are the most beautiful woman in this restaurant.

And I'm proud to be sat with you.

Thank you.

Is that a laugh or what?

So what do you fancy?

Tea? Coffee?

Vodka? Lager? Coke? Spliff?

I ought to get back actually.

Go on then.

You better get a chance first.

I've wanted this as long as I can remember.

It can never be real until I make it.

Football's why it's just one of those things.

Well, we both knew, eh?

Yeah.

Go on now, get changed.

Right, what are you doing?

I'm waiting for my boyfriend.

No harm done, eh?

I think I just pulled.

You bounce a bit, I'm like you.

I said you were my boyfriend.

You know.

Right, what's your... Helter Skelter?

Big Dipper?

Merry -go -round?

I need the toilet, actually.

Go for it.

Yeah, right, and get arrested.

You guys are gents, can't you?

Go on.

Go sit down.

Look, I'm a bit sick of this, to be honest.

Yeah, fuck you. Are you loving it?

Yeah, look.

Let's see what all eyes are on.

Come on.

Come on!

Come on!

Woo!

Thank you.

Thank you. You're so smart. They're lovely.

That's lovely.

That's very smart indeed.

And the lathe.

The lathe. Oh, that's beautiful. And the button looks lovely too. Right there,

little man.

And the skirt, just, just, just that. That's lovely, lovely.

That's, that's lovely.

You don't mind saying so, sir? Your face.

You're fighting a fly off a fish turd.

Oh,

you are. I'm sorry, David. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, sorry. No, just, that's all

right. Just to the fucking picture.

You,

you.

Liam and Kristen.

A -R -I -S -T -E -N.

Don't ever do that to me again.

Okay?

One day I've got something to show you. Yeah?

Yeah.

Hey.

Those... Me and you.

You and me.

Quality at what?

Can I think about that?

We had this game at school, right?

We'd find a sock kid and we'd go, Oi, mate, mate, are you a virgin?

And he'd go, no, no, no, where?

And we'd go, oh, that's disgusting.

Where would you locate your own experience on that scale?

We'll never do anything that you're not 110 % cool with.

I'm feeling loved.

I'm frightened.

Just remember that there's someone here who loves you.

Chris, it's me. You picking up or what?

Okay, so listen, I'm... I'm stopping at a mate's.

We've got a wreck, to be honest.

I'll see you in the morning, yeah?

If I don't leave 200.

Every night, I am achieved in the day.

It's all about groundless.

Achieve some everyday in your fucking life.

Look at me, we achieved tonight.

That was your

sense of achievement, babe.

Yeah, pretty good, Tom.

You know what?

Go and get your extensions done.

Just till you're on egg growth.

You can get your lashes done at the same time.

I can't.

There's no such word.

It don't exist.

Let me ask you a question.

What do you think life is?

I don't know.

Go on, I want to know.

What do you believe in? What do you reckon we're here for?

Lots of things.

Yeah?

How about love?

Yeah. How about risk? How about achievement?

You're not very passionate, are you, Ben?

Yes, actually.

Go on then, what would you do for love?

I want you to move in.

Liam, I can't. Can't what?

More fucking negativity bollocks!

Okay.

People are brought positive.

That's why the world's full of losers.

You've got to learn it.

You've got to train yourself.

Well, look at me.

Look at me.

Look at this place.

Look at my car.

Look at my suits.

Live in the dream.

Our dream.

Move in, babe.

I'm sorry.