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00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:14,400
So today, I am at Dinder Muffin
Corporate Headquarters for my
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00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:19,840
I'm meeting with CFO Dave, which makes
him my head manager.
3
00:00:20,380 --> 00:00:23,780
Now I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking, hey Michelle, you're always
4
00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:26,080
twittering about how you're the head
manager.
5
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,860
Down to the balls! Suck that cock down
to the balls!
6
00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,880
So really, I'm head supervisor and he's
head manager.
7
00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:17,610
So anyways, last year I didn't get good
reviews.
8
00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:21,910
I think it's because the CFO Dave wasn't
getting any pussy from his wife who was
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00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:23,530
cheating on him with a vibrator
salesman.
10
00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:26,590
Hello, Michelle.
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00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,370
He's standing right there, isn't he?
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Hi,
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00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,470
Dave, how are you?
14
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:41,610
Uh, you mean because my wife left me for
the vibrator salesman? Oh, Dave, when
15
00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:43,430
are you ever going to forget about that
cheating whore?
16
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:45,280
Uh, yeah.
17
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We're still married.
18
00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,260
Ginny, so good to see you.
19
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,720
Good to see you, too. You're looking
great.
20
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:55,920
That's what she said.
21
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,400
I did indeed.
22
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,540
Well, guilty as charged.
23
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,420
And look at you. You look like you're
getting some fun at Dollarwood Branch.
24
00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:05,760
Uh, that's not a tan, Michelle.
25
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:07,100
I'm mulatto.
26
00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:24,840
So, Michelle, despite the recent
economic recession that we're having,
27
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,640
branch has again proven to be highly
profitable for this quarter.
28
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:36,460
Now, despite the fact that your methods
are extremely non -traditional, we stand
29
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:41,500
behind you 150%. We are very impressed
with the numbers that you're putting
30
00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,800
Well, thank you, said the battleship.
31
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:48,440
See, we really don't want to micromanage
you.
32
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,120
You mean like with midgets?
33
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,860
No, what I mean is that even though you
do some things differently than other
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00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,440
managers, we don't want to change what
it is that you do.
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00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:00,040
Really?
36
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,920
Yes. Yes.
37
00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:06,580
I mean, I stayed up all night putting
together this video and downloading it
38
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:10,400
my phone so I could change you guys'
mind about the way that I do things.
39
00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:17,460
But, Michelle, we just gave you a good
rating, so there's really no need for us
40
00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:18,460
to view this.
41
00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:22,430
Let's just watch it anyways. I even have
a speech ready.
42
00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:24,830
Okay.
43
00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:30,290
Alright. Ladies and gentlemen.
44
00:03:31,530 --> 00:03:33,630
Today, George Bush Jr.
45
00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:35,250
will be proven right.
46
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:40,830
I have snuck in a weapon of mass
destruction that will blow both of your
47
00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:41,830
up.
48
00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:46,610
So just play it. It'll change your mind
about me. Totally.
49
00:03:57,510 --> 00:04:00,690
I'm still really excited about Obama in
office. How about you?
50
00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:03,230
That's exciting, I guess.
51
00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,290
Right? A black president.
52
00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,470
Mm -hmm.
53
00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:11,090
So what's the word on the street anyway?
Are they still going to give him props
54
00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,110
even though he's become the man?
55
00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,249
Excuse me?
56
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:19,670
You know, is he down with the B .O .B.?
Or do they call him Dope Man, Dope Man?
57
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,570
I try to tell him I'm where hope floats,
man.
58
00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:22,790
Ghetto spokes, man.
59
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,820
Sometimes I like to have little chats
with my ethnic employees, whether
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00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:36,600
black, Asian, Latin, or midget.
61
00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:41,360
And I think it's really important to get
them to open up to me, so I can get in
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00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,500
their minority heads and see what it's
like to be them.
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00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,800
I learned that from a great black
leader, Martin Lawrence from Big Mama's
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00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800
2.
65
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,920
Sam, I really think you should lighten
up about this whole black thing.
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00:04:59,270 --> 00:05:02,150
You know, I'm trying to teach the world
to sing in perfect harmony, and I can't
67
00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:04,750
do that if you're blaring your hip -hop
of bitterness and division.
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00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:06,870
You're the one that brought it up.
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00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,350
That's what she said.
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00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:18,930
So to show you that just because I'm the
man, I'm not here to keep you down...
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00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:21,710
Candy? Hello?
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00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,390
Can you come in here for a minute,
please?
73
00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:24,650
Okay. Thank you.
74
00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:38,240
Dan, if you haven't noticed, Candy here
is Caucasian. So for race relations'
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00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,800
sake, she's going to let you keep her
down.
76
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:44,680
Have fun.
77
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,240
We will.
78
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,320
Hahahaha!
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00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,670
Ugh.
80
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,160
oh yeah
81
00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,760
Show me the way.
82
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:15,990
start.
83
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:14,839
Thank you.
84
00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:15,840
Thank you.
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00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:50,980
brought white and black together, we, as
a whole office, as one, can work
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00:21:50,980 --> 00:21:55,520
together in peace and harmony and love
our coworker no matter what race or
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00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,180
religion. And that's the lesson we've
learned here today.
88
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,180
There's three things that I love.
89
00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:04,240
Number one, I love pretzels.
90
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,300
Number two, I love crossword puzzles.
91
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,500
And number three, I love pussy.
92
00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,640
Oh, we got you at actually 24. Okay,
Mommy.
93
00:22:22,180 --> 00:22:24,340
No, I'm sorry. The ice break is only for
25.
94
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,720
We only go at one moment, though. Yeah,
I think we get a set of the ring, we get
95
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,300
the ice break, and everybody visits us.
96
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,520
Um, I can do all that.
97
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,000
Just as I thought.
98
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:42,600
The United States of America.
99
00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:44,720
Commonly referred to as a school.
100
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,400
Most messy of all known creatures.
101
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,720
All right, people, prepare yourselves.
We have a code gray squirrel attack.
102
00:22:54,060 --> 00:22:57,780
I repeat, code gray rabid squirrel
attack.
103
00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,220
Jimmy, check the filing cabinets.
104
00:23:00,540 --> 00:23:01,540
Under S, right?
105
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,160
Mary Beth, head into the vending
machines.
106
00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:07,640
Those little buggers head into the nut
buster bolts first.
107
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,280
And Sam, we're gonna need hammers and
nails.
108
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,960
Nobody gets out of this place. We're
stealing it.
109
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,580
Uh, Dwayne?
110
00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:16,700
If we, uh...
111
00:23:17,050 --> 00:23:19,290
Tape up all the doors and windows.
112
00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:22,630
What do you expect we do when we run out
of air?
113
00:23:23,630 --> 00:23:26,210
Bitch, it's the only chance we've got.
114
00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:28,210
Good luck.
115
00:23:32,950 --> 00:23:34,210
Um, yeah.
116
00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:38,970
The theme of this week for Messing with
Wayne is squirrel infestation of his
117
00:23:38,970 --> 00:23:42,550
desk. We told him that we saw a bunch of
squirrels running around in the parking
118
00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:44,630
lot, and then we showed him the security
footage.
119
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,280
Squirrels are most human -like out of
all the animals.
120
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,720
Some people would argue that gorillas
are, because they can learn sign
121
00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,000
But if that's the case, they're more
like deaf humans.
122
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:02,300
So no, squirrels are.
123
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:10,240
And
124
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:18,020
that
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00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:19,500
is how you squirrel -proof a desk.
126
00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:39,310
Mr. Muffin, Dwight speaking. How may I
help you?
127
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:52,990
Taunted by the Rabbit Squirrel.
128
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:12,440
No.
129
00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,100
I'll just see your fucking pussy drip.
130
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:52,719
Hold your hands on my neck.
131
00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,160
Yes. Yes.
132
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:55,560
Yes.
133
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,260
Fuck.
134
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,820
Yes.
135
00:30:06,020 --> 00:30:07,020
Yes.
136
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,480
Fuck. Yes.
137
00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,240
Fuck me.
138
00:30:49,070 --> 00:30:50,070
Oh.
139
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,280
Good.
140
00:32:09,610 --> 00:32:10,630
Yeah, put it just like that.
141
00:32:11,690 --> 00:32:12,810
Oh, fuck.
142
00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:22,110
Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, baby.
143
00:32:23,730 --> 00:32:24,970
Oh, my God.
144
00:32:25,550 --> 00:32:26,550
Oh,
145
00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:33,110
shit. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
146
00:40:05,390 --> 00:40:06,390
Yes.
147
00:41:01,090 --> 00:41:04,650
If I stop working to kill those
squirrels, the squirrels will win.
148
00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:08,140
And if you think I'm going to let them
take away my freedom after they brought
149
00:41:08,140 --> 00:41:10,580
down those two towers, you, sir, are a
fool.
150
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:32,700
So, this morning I was waiting in line
at Star Bucketino's before work. Gonna
151
00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:33,700
grab a quick espresso.
152
00:41:34,710 --> 00:41:36,170
An espresso, if you will.
153
00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:40,070
And I reached in my pocket to grab my
wallet, and it's not there. Apparently I
154
00:41:40,070 --> 00:41:41,070
left it at home.
155
00:41:41,330 --> 00:41:43,790
Reed was behind me in line, so he
spotted me the cash.
156
00:41:44,470 --> 00:41:45,570
Must be my lucky day.
157
00:41:47,290 --> 00:41:49,830
That is my name on this credit card.
158
00:41:50,850 --> 00:41:51,850
It's Michelle.
159
00:41:53,410 --> 00:41:56,850
No, it's not a girl's name. It happens
to be French.
160
00:41:57,950 --> 00:41:59,090
I ordered...
161
00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:03,550
Five dozen cock rings from you guys. Are
you going to get off your ass and
162
00:42:03,550 --> 00:42:04,910
deliver those to me or not?
163
00:42:05,230 --> 00:42:07,610
Because if you don't, I'll tell you
something.
164
00:42:07,870 --> 00:42:12,330
There's going to be a bunch of upset
gypsies. And they're going to be horny.
165
00:42:12,330 --> 00:42:13,328
they're going to be pissed.
166
00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:17,390
And when they're done singing and
dancing, they're going to caravan over
167
00:42:17,390 --> 00:42:19,130
house. And they're going to fuck your
dog.
168
00:42:20,050 --> 00:42:21,110
You understand me?
169
00:42:22,570 --> 00:42:23,570
Good.
170
00:42:24,490 --> 00:42:25,490
Mercy.
171
00:42:40,330 --> 00:42:44,090
Oh, he's the quality assurance director
for this branch, but other than that,
172
00:42:44,130 --> 00:42:45,130
he's kind of a mystery.
173
00:42:45,390 --> 00:42:50,510
Oh, except one time he told me that he
accidentally moved to Korea, and then he
174
00:42:50,510 --> 00:42:51,510
called me Sandy.
175
00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:56,450
I heard. His dick was so big, it had a
kneecap.
176
00:42:58,090 --> 00:43:00,090
I have a question for you, asker of
questions.
177
00:43:00,790 --> 00:43:02,710
Who's more dangerous in an office
environment,
178
00:43:03,510 --> 00:43:05,870
Reed or Brown Bear?
179
00:43:07,230 --> 00:43:08,230
Correct answer?
180
00:43:08,700 --> 00:43:09,700
Reed with bear claws.
181
00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:14,760
So on Monday, I asked Reed how his
weekend was.
182
00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:16,940
And he started telling me about it.
183
00:43:17,340 --> 00:43:20,720
And then I realized he was telling me
the plot for the Patrick Swayze movie
184
00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:21,720
Roadhouse.
185
00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:23,780
And then he called me Sandy.
186
00:43:28,020 --> 00:43:30,340
Roadhouse? Who told you that, Sandy?
187
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,000
Yeah.
188
00:43:34,340 --> 00:43:36,280
I've had some pretty crazy times.
189
00:43:40,950 --> 00:43:41,950
Crazy.
190
00:43:42,490 --> 00:43:48,610
I remember one time, me and my fat,
sarcastic friend and McLovin went to get
191
00:43:48,610 --> 00:43:50,170
some booze so we could go get laid.
192
00:43:52,350 --> 00:43:53,830
We never did get laid.
193
00:43:54,570 --> 00:43:56,950
We ended up back at the roadhouse where
I worked.
194
00:43:57,870 --> 00:44:00,050
Where we kicked ass and took some names.
195
00:44:02,130 --> 00:44:05,650
I got a shipment here of, uh, Cochrane.
196
00:44:05,950 --> 00:44:06,950
Does that help?
197
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:11,440
Yo, right here Okay,
198
00:44:12,340 --> 00:44:19,520
thanks
199
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:20,540
a lot thank you
200
00:44:41,450 --> 00:44:42,450
Hey, Lee.
201
00:44:42,950 --> 00:44:43,950
Hey, Kelly.
202
00:44:45,210 --> 00:44:46,210
Kylie, stupid.
203
00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:47,970
What have you been up to?
204
00:44:49,110 --> 00:44:51,970
Well, Katie, stuff.
205
00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:59,910
Stuff? Well, since you're so much into
stuff, why don't you just
206
00:44:59,910 --> 00:45:02,090
stuff me up with some reed?
207
00:45:29,940 --> 00:45:31,840
For how long have you worked here?
208
00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:35,600
Um, not that long, but, um, every day.
209
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:36,779
Every day.
210
00:45:36,780 --> 00:45:39,340
Oh, my God. Why didn't you tell me?
211
00:45:41,820 --> 00:45:43,760
I was waiting for this moment.
212
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,300
Really? Mm -hmm. Oh, my God.
213
00:45:48,860 --> 00:45:51,020
Are you sure you're in the right office?
214
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,560
Oh, yeah.
215
00:45:52,620 --> 00:45:53,840
I'm so sorry.
216
00:50:19,310 --> 00:50:20,310
I know.
217
00:50:20,350 --> 00:50:21,570
You know.
218
00:50:22,170 --> 00:50:23,170
Straight.
219
00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:57,490
Oh yeah, oh yeah
220
00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:13,920
Oh, yeah, give me some more.
221
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:15,760
Okay.
222
00:56:16,060 --> 00:56:17,060
Sure.
223
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:19,280
Oh.
224
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,040
Oh, my God.
225
00:56:23,580 --> 00:56:25,920
Oh, my God.
226
00:56:26,660 --> 00:56:27,660
Oh.
227
00:56:29,180 --> 00:56:30,500
Oh, yeah. Oh,
228
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:33,800
yeah. Oh, yeah.
229
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:43,640
Thank you.
15977
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