Original subtitles

To what?

This!

Bad decisions, selling your body for chump change, the litany of men.

Demeaning women by calling yourself one.

Tomorrow you'll come back to Washington with the rest of your family.

I'm not just going to leave.

I'm your father. I raised you as a respectable woman.

Whatever's happened since you moved to Montana is going to stop.

I like it here.

Enough to hurt your family?

Your mom worries all the time, your sister's blown up since you left.

And one day with you here...

Looks are all you have, but there's no excuse for this.

Whoa!

Wait a second.

This is a horrible place to start.

This makes my dad seem like the bad guy.

I deserve this.

Hang on...

Aw, cute... but no.

Oh, hell no. There's no way you're ever going to see that.

Hilarious! No.

Okay, this is good.

This is me.

Jessica McDees.

Oh, geez. Look at me, looking all Emo.

Except for the black dye of course. That makes my hair crispy.

But, in my defense, I was in a car for six hours,

and my sister's big reveal yesterday didn't exactly...

Okay, this...

This isn't as melodramatic as it seems.

I wish I knew why I was so unhappy. My life's not that bad.

But man, am I bad at it.

So when you have a pimple you hit it with an acne pad.

And I know what you're thinking: That's quitting. That's the easy way out.

There's nothing easy about this. Not if you're going to do it right.

I mean, you never want to stand out, so you gotta be subtle.

And unless you want to be the girl who cried wolf, you better be effective.

And always, always, always,

you've gotta be presentable.

Take jumping off a bridge for example.

Right off the bat, you can kiss the "subtle" card goodbye.

And there's no room for wavering 'cause rush-hour drivers stuck in the mess

are gonna demand a body for their troubles.

Which is fine, except that bridge-jumping is a rush.

So your brain's gonna release endorphins, and endorphins make you feel good

and when you feel good, you don't wanna die.

So suddenly, you're falling, going, "Oh Crap, that was a bad idea!"

But gravity won't change its mind like you did.

So let's say you succeed,

and you don't just end up spending the next six weeks

trying to pull stretch pants over a body cast,

you're still not going to wash onshore looking like Debra Kerr.

You're gonna get dragged out in a fish net.

Pretzeled,

probably covered in seaweed, and host to a family of leeches.

And those marks

look like hickeys in a casket.

Of course, nobody will notice the hickeys

because their eyes will be drawn to the puke-green shower cap

Lazy Morty the Mortician snapped on your head

instead of actually trying to brush out the rat's nest

the salt water left of your hair.

Oh yeah,

and salt water's bloating.

This is your final viewing.

This is how people will remember you.

This, on the other hand, would be quick.

Private.

Run a little water, even clean.

All Morty'd have to do is throw on a cute little wrist-wrap and voila!

People would remember you beautiful.

And you are as people perceive you.

All it'd take is a little courage

and a thin red line would melt everyth--

Oh good! You're back!

Oh my God!

Courtney-Lynn Stack. My cousin.

Wanna feel maladjusted? Hang out with her for ten minutes.

She's that together.

Not again! Jess, are you crazy? What are you doing?

I can't believe you girl.

There.

Now when you pass out, your wrists won't stain the linoleum.

Alright. I lova ya.

Kisses! I gotta get to work.

Wow.

This is gonna make it difficult to die with dignity.

Great.

Now I have to go to work.

Oh, great.

Robert Seethis.

Living proof you can make a human being out of bile.

There's not a civil bone in his body.

I only know his name 'cause of his credit card.

If there was an antidote to my life,

he'd be the poison.

He's our best customer.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Can I have a seat?

What?

I want to sit down. I need a seat.

I can't hear you.

Well, take your ear phones out.

Yeah, I can't... I'm wearing ear phones.

Take your ear phones out.

Take 'em out.

Take the...?

Move!

I can't under--

Do you not speak...?

Oh my God!

Good morning.

That's my boss. The man who gave me a shot.

Jose Chavez.

Fashion mogul. Entrepreneur with a Cheshire Cat smile.

Whitefish's answer to confetti poppers.

Everyone calls him Junior.

Not because he's short. It's because he's got tiny hands.

Really tiny. Baby hands. His fingers are like light switches.

Very creepy.

You're late. Again.

I know. I'm sorry.

Oh! Well, as long as you're sorry.

Again.

Seriously, I had to drive all the way to Spokane and back last night--

Bah bah bah bah

Listen, I wish your story made me money, I really do,

because I'm dying to hear how it ends.

But you know what this is?

All this?

A coffee shop?

That's right! It's a coffee shop.

Built

with these two hands.

Built to sell coffee, not stories.

So as long as Jessica works for Jose,

Jose expects Jessica to show up on time

and to sell...

Coffee?

Coffee! Yes! Good job!

So when I walk up in the room I know

you ain't ever met a girl like me. Uh-uh.

You ain't never met a girl.

They say I'm different I know

She's bringing sexy back.

Hey! You made it!

I'm glad.

You're the only one.

Not true. Robert is always excited to see you.

Oh God, he's already out there.

You gotta take him. Seriously, I'm not up for it today.

I'm sorry Sweety, no can do. Not a prayer.

Emotional breadown or not, he's in your section and them's the rules.

You suck.

Do you want to talk about it?

Audrey's pregnant.

What?

No way. She's like 15!

Your dad must have flipped.

He won't even let her back in the house.

Oh, man. Wait, who's the father?

She won't say.

Carl's driving her up later today.

Carl's coming!

Yeah, that's cool. I hope he can stay forever.

It's a long way to Whitefish, Courtney-Lynn.

I can't just have him turn right back around and go home.

Oh, you mean make the exact same round-trip that you made just last night?

Ladies!

It's 6 a.m. and the door's are locked, which means I'm losing money.

And Jose don't like to lose money.

Mach schnell!

And here it is:

The beginning, middle, and end of every day of my life.

That's Britney Bouchand, our French exchange student.

She's... nice.

Darla Dietrich. Lovingly referred to as Heifer.

She wears it like a badge of honor.

She's a concert pianist with an espresso maker.

When Junior refused to hire her, she made a call to the A.C.L.U.

So he did hire her.

Then he put the espresso machine on stilts.

Come on, ladies!

Doors are closed! Clothes are on!

I'm not making any money! Let's go!

Come on! Get 'em off!

Oh, what a face. That's a sad face.

I don't care. I don't care.

It's like a retarded stripper camp.

Come on! Do it!

Not you, Heifer!

Keep your muumuu on.

Up yours, Junior.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Funny, pig.

It's cold, Junior

Oh, I am so sorry. Oui, oui.

Let me get you a trench coat. Come on!

Great!

Now, ladies, smile.

Ladies and gentlemen.

The Coffee Beach morning crew.

What can I say? It's all I've got.

Get lost, you stupid jerk.

Yeah, you.

You frigging asshole!

I'm just going to say this now.

Junior loves you, you're his best customer,

and you always tip well,

but I had a really rough night last night,

and I'm not up for being accosted by you,

so if you could for my sake pretend that you are, in fact, not the devil,

I would really, really, really appreciate it.

What?

I said, "Good morning!"

You're half right.

You're early.

What time was I supposed to be here?

Oh, it's not that, it's just you're usually here later in the morning.

What?

Sorry, I'm just trying to figure out how I flubbed the last question

to make you think I wanted an answer.

The usual?

Couple shots blended in today.

What are you listening to?

I just wear 'em so people won't talk to me.

It's not a hundred percent effective.

I'll go get your drink.

What can I get you?

Well, I don't see your number on the menu.

Is it available?

Um...

No.

So

I met this guy on the Goth forums the other night,

and I was looking him up on the state's sexual predators list.

Why?

Never make the same mistake twice.

But guess whose name I found.

Oh my God.

No way.

Shots today?

Two.

Probably flashed himself to a twelve-year old.

Oh! What the--

I am so sorry!

You have got to be kidding me! Damn it!

I am so, so sorry.

What are you doing? Get the hell off me! You've done enough.

What's going on?

Yeah, are you the manager?

Yeah, and the owner. I'm terribly sorry--

Oh, so you're the imbecile who started a beach-themed coffee shop in a mountain town.

Yes.

Brilliant.

Thank you.

Why don't you work the price of the tits into the coffee

rather than making me pay for it like this?

Hey listen, if you'll just calm down, I'll get you reimbursed and comp you--

Dude, I don't have time to wait for your bimbos to learn to count

so I can get a few pennies back.

Consider it my contribution to your bankruptcy proceedings.

Aloha.

Uh...

Sorry, folks.

Clean it up.

Here.

I made extra. Take this.

I got it.

He's a dick.

It was a mistake. You apologized. That's all you can do.

Anyone that keeps harping after that is just a dick.

Thanks.

Don't thank me. I said he's a dick. Didn't say he was wrong.

You must not think I'm that bad. You come back every day.

I like the view.

Usually.

But I like looking at porn too. Doesn't mean I want it looking back at me.

Go to a happy place. Go to a happy place. Go to a happy place.

Ah. Here we go.

I know, I know. Just get another job. But, would I be any happier?

After all, this is the only thing in my life I've actually figured out.

Do any serving long enough, you realize everybody's got a "thing."

It's like a "tell" in poker.

Just do that thing, and your regulars keep tipping.

Une moment.

For the "Oh Man Guy"...

Alright, I'll be right back.

...it's as easy as turning around.

Oh man!

Woo!

"Witty Guy"...

Hey, it's McDees in the morning,

counting down the top two!

Oh, you!

...you gotta appreciate his quip.

Hey!

Round two?

This guy just needs you to show up.

You doin' alright?

Got it?

Nervous ones try to pretend they're not looking.

How are we doing here?

Um... I think we're good. Thanks.

Yeah?

You gotta give those an occasional toss.

Great. I'm just gonna go ahead and take this off the table for you.

Oh man!

I'm so happy.

Woo!

Sometimes wild girls show up

trying to turn their gay friend.

You gotta give them a little extra attention.

And to him, you pay no attention.

Run his table like Brazilian churrascaria.

Cup is next to him: Do nothing.

Cup is in the corner on the napkin: Get him a refill.

Napkin on top: He's done.

That's it.

Heifer, don't make me put up the electric fence.

Up yours, Junior.

Oh man...

Eew...

And every once in a while, someone walks in that you're just happy to see.

If I could have a dream...

Taylor Willis.

My teddy bear.

Smart, witty, sexy.

He's a star.

The kind of guy that makes every penis in the room shrivel.

And if that weren't enough, he's the nicest guy in the world too.

The kind of guy you can rely on.

The kind of guy that'll make a girl very happy one day.

Another girl, I mean.

We're just friends.

My little Jay Jay. What's up, Girl?

Smell so good. See you made it home safe.

Skin 'em, C.L.!

What up, T-Dawg?

I'm so sorry I didn't make it last night.

's'all good.

Let's do it again, okay? Same time?

Yeah, sure. Count me in.

Thanks for staying on the phone with me for the drive.

Ain't no thing.

Hi, Taylor.

What up, Brit?

You feeling alright?

Yeah. Nothing some good old caffeine won't cure.

Hey, what's up, Tater Tot? What can I get for you?

Yo, hook me up with something hot and strong.

I'll have one of those too.

Yo, surprise me.

Surprise!

Audrey!

Audrey McDees. My little sister.

Watching her back used to be a full time job.

Now I have a full time job.

What are you doing here? Get off.

What's up, little Dre Dre?

Hi, T.

Audrey, leave him alone. Seriously, get off.

How'd you get here so early? And what are you wearing?

Just trying to fit in.

Geez, put a shirt on!

Oh, quit being a hypocrite. I brought you a present.

Make a little room, Dawg.

Gotta get me a little somethin'-somethin' from my girl.

Ease up, McDees! We've got customers.

Oh, that's my bad, man.

Carl Newstead. My boyfriend.

Please don't judge me.

I'm Carl.

Jose.

Whoa! Dude.

You zapped me, Bro.

What you got, like,

rubber-soled shoes on or something?

I like shoes.

Oh, look at that. Not even the French girl could handle the smell.

Always nice to see you, Courtney.

It's Courtney-Lynn, Carl. It's been Courtney-Lynn since high school.

Carl?

This is Taylor.

Yo, yeah.

Taylor, yeah.

Heard a lot about you.

Likewise, Carl.

Yeah, people call me C-New.

I'm gonna call you Carl.

Ladies! Work? Yes?

So you a gym-rat too, huh?

Yeah, man. Occasionally.

What you take, man?

What do I take?

What you take? Come on.

What you take to get so big, man? What you take?

I eat right. I work out. I exercise, man.

Take a little creatine for some pump-- - -There it is.

There what is?

There it is, man.

It's nothing. It's just, you know,

I mean, I like to stay natural.

It's just like big enough to look good, you know?

Like, keep your dignity.

Demand respect.

Yo, what the shit, Dawg?

--Hey, relax. --Little hands!

Just getting a refill.

How 'bout I refill your face, man?

Hey! No, no, no, no, no. Go outside!

What did I do?

No violence in Jose' s establishment.

Go! Go you now!

What's that boy's problem, yo?

Don't even get me started on him.

You screwin' this dude behind my back?

What? No!

Of course not.

Well, what do I know?

You're dressin' like a skank. You gettin' paid by these dudes.

It's all I've got.

That was awesome!

Yo, you need to put a shirt on.

Listen to your sister.

She's a smart girl.

Yeah, I know. I said it.

You're more than just good looks.

You make me crazy.

Yeah, fascinating, Casanova.

Why don't you take Audrey back to my place,

and I'll see you in a few hours.

I'm gonna need keys.

I'll go get them.

You know you're gonna get your ass kicked one of these days, right?

Absolutely not, Officer.

I just paid her to leave afterwards.

Give me what I want and what I need.

What you got don't mean a thing to me.

Give me what I want.

Give me everything.

Carl?

Oh my God!

Oh my God! What the hell?

Oh my God.

My God!

Oh my God. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Hey! Jessica!

Easy. Easy. Easy girl.

No, no, no, my God!

Jess. Jess.

What you gonna do? You gonna stab me?

No, I'm gonna gouge out my eyeballs!

Give me this.

What did you do? What did you do?

Well, what did you want me to do? You weren't here.

Thank God I didn't leave you alone with the cat!

Oh, chill out.

Chill?

Look, I didn't want this.

I mean, you left me.

I thought we had a moment.

Then you went back inside to be half-naked with a bunch of dudes.

So, what? You had sex with my sist...?

My underage... my pregnant...!

Pregnant?

Oh my God! Is he the father?

How the hell should I know?

How should you know?

Yeah. Pull one jelly bean out of a bucket of them,

what are the chances it's a purple one?

I don't know.

What you talkin' about, "jelly beans?"

How many "jelly beans" have you had in your bucket?

What does it matter?

You can't get pregnant that way.

Oh... Oh my God.

Jessica!

Damn.

I mean, damn.

Unbelievable, right?

Well, no.

Actually, it's crazy apropos.

Like a punctuation point on our heart-to-heart last night.

What?

Although I didn't see Audrey taking a piece of it.

Damn. Where is she anyway?

In custody.

What do you mean apropos?

Wait, you're not blaming her, are you?

How can I not?

Well, she's just lashing out.

I mean, daddy hurt her, and

Now she's hurting daddy.

Oh, hell no. You always blame him.

This was her choice.

Yeah, it was, but you weren't the target.

You just got caught in the crossfire.

Then, she's a stupid bitch instead of a spiteful one.

Well, she lashes out, and you lash in.

What does that make you?

It's not your fault either, you know.

As a kid, you do what you do.

You hide into the arms of the people that are supposed to protect you,

and those end up being the ones hurting you.

You end up learning to hold tight to the people who treat you like hell.

Look, your mom should have left him a thousand times.

And her moms before that, and hers before that.

I mean, who knows how long this has been going on?

I thought Carl was a good guy.

You thought all your guys were good guys.

Look, it's a cycle.

And it's going to hurt to break it.

Okay.

So what do I do?

You trust the process. You know?

Know that it doesn't matter how good a guy seems,

if you're into him, he's not a good guy, J.

Date some guys that you ain't into. That...

...don't excite you.

If there ain't a spark, then he's probably the guy you should be with.

Great.

So I have to be miserable for the rest of my life?

Of course not.

You stay with the guy,

and you work some therapy.

Slowly rewire your brain, find your own identity.

Lose the one your dad engrained in you. Loosen up, you know?

Yeah, and then one day,

you find out that he ain't such a boring guy.

He's actually a good guy.

And you don't have to "try" to dig him. You just...

...dig him.

I'm glad I have you.

Yeah.

Ain't no thing.

McDees!

You want to sweep up over here before Heifer starts grazing?

Up yours, Junior.

Oh man! Woo.

Hey! Anybody up for a shake from McDees?

Hey! Alright...

How about you give me a macchiato swirl, and I'll take care of this.

Done and done.

Another refill for Bobby.

Loogie blended, coming up.

"Bobby?"

Mm-hmm.

B-O-B. Battery Operated Boyfriend.

He's about as warm as one, and the conversation is almost as good.

And you never have to turn him off.

Probably festering with S.T.D.s.

You know what we should do is cram him into a dishwasher and run him on hot.

Too risky. Throw him in the fireplace. Get a new one.

The devil don't burn, ladies.

Batteries pop.

If you burn them.

Beat that.

Either of you. I dare you.

Wouldn't it be funny if this really was just one long bout of sexual frustration?

Seriously, like one day he leaves, scores,

then comes in, he's winking, handing out corsages.

Saying, "Thank you."

Don't... don't, don't...

What? Why?

Go out with me.

Ow, damn it!

What?

Go out with me.

Like outside?

Hey! I need to talk to you for a second. Over there.

Thanks! 'scuse us.

What the hell are you doing? Are you insane?

What? What's going on?

She just asked Robert out on a date.

Ow! Damn it!

What happened? Are you okay?

I burned my hand.

Oh, good!

If you get lost from the farm, they'll be able to return you.

Up yours, Junior.

Are you insane?

This is a joke, right?

I mean, he's going to come back tomorrow all Prince Charming or something like that?

It's not worth it.

Oh, God.

This isn't a joke.

Okay, Sweety.

I know that in the wake of your boyfriend going to prison

for stat-raping your pregnant younger sister,

any guy seems like an improvement right now.

But trust me when I say this:

This is not an improvement.

It's a pedophile swap.

You don't know he's a pedophile.

What? That's the bar now?

No, I know, I get it.

I hate Robert.

Okay, so where's the equals sign in this equation?

Maybe equals exactly the guy I need to be with.

Are you back?

I want to know if you want to go on a date with me.

Not even a little bit.

Why not?

Because I don't like you.

That's no excuse.

Really? That seems like a pretty solid out to me.

How?

You're a horrendous human being and I can't stand the sight of you,

and I'm still willing to go on a date with you.

But do you want to?

Not even a little bit.

Good chat, let's not do it again real soon.

Do you like bowling?

I have bowled, yes.

Do you know where the Pin N Cue is?

Yes.

Off the 93?

Yes.

Meet me there. 8 o'clock. Tonight.

No.

Why not?

Why yes?

Does there have to be a reason?

One would help, yes.

I don't suppose for the sake of human interaction would count?

I had an assload of human interaction before I walked in here today.

How about

because I'm not going to let you play your stupid little video game

until you say yes.

Sold.

What?

Yeah. Sold. Done. Good. We're on. Let's do it.

Could you now please move the...?

Just go away.

Pin N Cue. 8 o'clock.

Oh goody. The anticipation.

I have a date.

Hi, Honey!

Mom.

We let ourselves in.

Of course they let me go. I'm not a criminal. I'm a slut.

Just ask Dad.

Could you not sit on my furniture?

Where's Dad?

We haven't exactly told him about this yet.

How could you not tell him about this?

Well, for one thing, he hasn't been back

since the other day when he found out about Audrey being...

you know...

Infected?

I thought I'd let him cool down a bit before I drop this bomb on him.

Oh yeah, you should come up again.

If you thought those fireworks were spectacular, just wait for these.

Yeah, could you not touch anything? Please?

Jess, she's just a kid.

Oh, so she didn't know any better?

Hell yeah, I knew better. I knew better than you.

You're the idiot who fell in love with him.

I was just banging him.

Audrey!

No, it's fine. It's out there.

I didn't know who he was.

Of course you didn't.

The hell you didn't!

He threatened you in public; you defended him in court.

He cheated on you; you took him back.

You'd be sleeping with him right now if he weren't in jail.

I did you a favor.

All it cost me was a little dignity.

It cost you a lot more than that.

You're a bitch.

Oh, girls, girls, girls! We're all friends here!

Do you mind if I touch the door on my way out?

This'll all blow over. You'll see.

I have someplace I need to be tonight.

Still friends, aren't we?

The best.

Me and you are like a wildfire burnin'.

Me and you are like a risin' storm.

Actin' like we weren't really lovers

As the sparks were flyin' in the dark.

Do we give into the doubt?

Do we let this fire go out?

Me and you.

Me and you.

Me and you.

Me and you.

Rolled that poorly, huh?

You know, if you're throwing gutterballs,

you'll fit right in with me and my buddies in there.

I rolled a 78, and they kicked me out for setting the bar too high.

I'm not here to bowl.

Just came for the pin, huh? Yeah, it's pretty cool.

I'm Tone.

I'm going home.

Alright, well... the offer stands.

Hey, you survived!

How was it?

As well as could be expected.

Oh, hey, F.Y.I...

Why is my bedroom the portal to Hell?

Honey, hi! We didn't mean to surprise you.

Mmm... Epic fail.

I just thought that instead of going home,

we might have a little slumber party.

You know, give your father some space. That sort of thing.

Those are my clothes.

Yeah, well I didn't...

I didn't really pack for a slumber party, per se.

Honey, you okay?

Fine. I need to use the bathroom.

Hey! What the hell?

You have a lot of nerve showing up here today.

I show up here every goddamn day.

Bowling alley. 8 o'clock. Ring a bell?

You didn't actually show up, did you?

Of course, I did.

I waited an hour and a half outside and I caught a cold because of you.

Well,

that was silly.

Oh.

So, RegretTheSun406 agreed to meet me.

Really? Wow. When?

How about a squeeze from McDees with these?

Too far?

You owe me a date.

Ow! I can hear you.

You owe me a date.

Can't they get like a pneumatic tube system for the drinks here or something?

I want my date.

Why would I take time I don't want to spend

to go to a place I don't want to be

to meet someone who doesn't actually want to see me?

Do you understand how that doesn't make any goddamn sense?

Because if you stiff me again tonight,

I will follow you home,

to work,

and whatever sewage system you frequent,

and make sure every breath you take, you waste it on me.

I don't work.

I don't care.

I can't make it tonight.

You don't have a choice.

Well, it better be somewhere with alcohol.

Fine.

Nine o'clock.

What's that?

My address.

Your home address?

No, the Gettysburg Address.

I am not taking a step outside till I know you're going to be there.

Well, I don't know where that is.

Find it.

Be early.

Have a great day. Thank you.

I'm confused by the puffed rice.

Oh God. That's her theme song.

We sell the squares here

and they are very tasty, but

at the store, they have the rolls in a circle.

They are rubbish.

That's a good point.

I mean why does a rice cake taste like Styrofoam,

but a rice square tastes like marshmallowy goodness?

Yecch.

Oh, well that was my 'A' material. I better dismount fast.

I recognize you.

Yeah, I pulled a bit of a stalker move.

My boys recognized you, told me where I could find you.

Sorry.

I forgot your name.

It's Tone. And you're Going Home, right?

Jessica.

Hey Tay!

I know when I'm outmatched.

Oh, sorry. What can I get you?

How about just flip me one of those yummy rice squares to go?

I'll get it.

Two-fifty.

Keep the change.

There you go. Come again, yes?

Count on it.

Ladies?

Hi, Taylor.

So, what's cracking?

Oh my God. I have stories.

I'll bet.

Hey.

How'd your showcase go last night?

Oh my God! I was supposed to be there!

Hey, it's all good.

Oh my God, I am so sorry.

Look, it's cool, J.

We can do it some other time, alright?

Damn.

I'm a horrible friend. You know what?

Let me cover your tea.

Oh, no, no, you are not getting off that easy.

How about you come out tonight? I'll buy you a drink.

I don't know. It's gonna have to be late.

How's the Great Northern? Eleven?

Wait. Now are you really gonna show?

I have stories I have to tell you,

and you are not going to believe them.

Well, I am very excited.

He's not gonna show.

Of course he's going to show.

You're not that lucky.

Which side am I pulling for?

Mine. You're my mom.

And what side are you on?

I don't know.

Yeah, you're on my side.

Which side is that?

The side that says Jess stays home with her B.O.B.

Oh, his name's Bob?

It's Robert.

That's not a bad idea. Why don't you and Bob stay here and we'll order pizza?

You know, get to know each other.

You don't want to get to know him.

But you do?

No.

Well. I'm satisfied.

Just seems a little soon. That's all.

Gee, you think?

I mean it's barely been a day.

I know, I'm still sore.

Audrey!

Yeah, me too.

What? You didn't!

What! No! Mom. No. No!

Just striking while the iron's hot.

Yeah, because he's such a catch he'll be snatched right off the market in no time.

Carl will?

No, Bob will.

Robert.

Does he have a car?

Oh my God, I bet he doesn't.

You don't know?

I've seen him hang out on the bus bench, but I've never seen him ride the bus.

Oh my God. How awesome would it be if he picked you up by bus?

He's not even going to show up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Is that him?

Twenty bucks says he just honks the horn and expects you to run downstairs.

Nobody's gonna take that action.

Maybe he's checking his breath.

Maybe he's checking his ammo.

Oh.

Here he comes. See, he can't be all bad!

Oh, Sheila.

Nobody's that bad.

Oh, Mom.

Sheila, Robert. Robert, Sheila.

I don't like Bob.

Your car stinks.

It does now.

Well, are we gonna go?

I'm still hoping not.

Just drive.

Yeah.

What are you doing?

Hey! Robert!

Yeah, what's going on?

Jesus! Are you kidding me?

Ain't no use bein' nice to me.

Good men can't see what I see.

I'm about as bad as wrong can be

and that's way too low for you.

You know you're here whether you like it or not,

so you might as well talk to me.

What do you want me to say?

I don't know. It's a conversation.

Say whatever you want.

Alright.

Say whatever's on your mind.

Like whatever you're thinking about.

Say it.

Right now.

I want to know your angle.

My angle?

Yeah.

Beautiful girl insists on going out with a guy she admittedly despises:

Gotta be an angle.

Did you just accidentally call me beautiful?

Must've hurt.

No. That wasn't a compliment. That's a fact, and you know it.

The reality of this situation is I'm fully expecting to be jumped on my way out of here.

Is that really what you think of me?

I don't think of you. I don't know you.

Then why do you hate me?

I don't...

You're...

You're nothing special.

I didn't say I was special.

I didn't know I had to be special.

That's not what I meant. Look...

Jessica. You seem fine, but you're alive. You're human.

So there's no goddamn way I'm gonna like you.

So you just hate everybody for no reason.

Hang out with anyone long enough, they'll give you a reason to hate them.

That's just not true.

The hell it isn't.

Take "Cigarette Guy" from earlier this evening.

Now this idiot probably has a girlfriend, maybe a wife even, kids,

all of whom think the world of him

without realizing that he is, in fact, a douche.

And he whines like a little schoolgirl when the Health Gestapo come around

with their scare tactics and their made-up statistics

and they insist that he can't smoke. 'Cause goddamn it!

He has the right to smoke where and when he wants.

But what does he do the second he gets the chance to smoke?

He tosses the butt out the window like it's biodegradable. Why?

Because he doesn't give a shit about the environment.

He wants to smoke. The environment is not what he cares about.

"Greeny Hippie" cares about the environment.

Greeny Hippie cries like a little bitch over the butt on the sidewalk,

then goes, climbs a tree to prevent the construction of a football stadium

that would make ten million people happy. Why?

Because football's not what he cares about.

So what?

So we're all selfish rats.

Says the guy who throws cigarettes back in people's cars.

I said, "We."

You're just sad.

Am I?

Yeah, you are.

You hate people because they care about some things and not others.

That's just stupid.

Just this town alone, I know a lot of good people.

No you don't. You don't know one.

I'm gonna need more of these.

Do what you gotta do. Tab's open.

My friend, Taylor.

That's not a sentence.

He's a good guy.

No he isn't.

He respects people.

He's always there for me. He donates blood.

He teaches kids to ski on the lake.

Isn't that glacier-fed?

Yeah.

Sounds cold.

He's a genuinely good guy.

Wait.

Where are you going?

To play pool.

Oh. I don't...

I don't play pool.

Nobody's callin' on the telephone.

Nobody's knockin' on my front door.

It's a cold old wind that whistles 'round me

So I drink a lot of beer, watch a lot of TV.

Ain't no letters by my front door.

Ain't got no dates on my calendar.

It's a misty rain that clings to me

'cause I'm a mean old son of a gun.

You'll see.

My inbox is only full of junk.

I drank at a bar, was the only one got drunk.

Flaws turn up around my wrist.

I get food for one and booze for six.

Doors slam shut when I pass.

Windows roll up and they step on the gas.

It's a gray old sky hangs over my head

'cause I'm a mean old son of a gun.

Get bent.

Wow, do my eyes deceive me right now?

Taylor!

Hey, Gorgeous.

You made it.

Yeah, of course. Wouldn't miss it.

Looks like you've been here for a while.

That's your fault.

That's my fault? Why's it my fault?

Oh my gosh! My mom moved in with me.

What?

And she brought Audrey.

Well, they didn't move in, but they're at my house.

And they're in my clothes... well, not Audrey. She's in her underwear.

You should get a drink.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna get something--

Hey!

I've decided to date someone I'm not into.

Really?

So, how's it working out?

I don't know yet.

Well, look,

it's gonna take some time, you know?

I mean, I'm not that easy--

That wasn't a urinal.

Hey, Robert! Here he is!

Meet Taylor.

Robert? "The" Robert?

"The" Taylor.

I can't feel my hand.

...can't feel your hand.

Sorry.

...can't feel my hand.

It's your shot.

Hmm?

It's your shot.

I don't feel like playing right now. I think I'm gonna sit this one out.

Yeah. Figures.

Taylor, wait. Where are you going?

What?

Look, I'll play pool. It's not that big a deal.

Don't do anything for my sake, alright.

I didn't know it meant that much to you.

It doesn't. It isn't like you do jack else with me.

I couldn't see why tonight would be any different.

Now I know.

Holy sh...

I did that 'cause you told me to.

I told--!

I told you to date somebody that bores you.

Not date some horrible jerk like that that's gonna treat you like crap up front.

Well, what do you want from me?

Tell me what to do.

Why? Why, J? We're not friends, okay.

Friends do things together. They have talks. They hang out.

They do things because...

Because they enjoy one another's company.

Just face it, man, I'm just your shoulder.

That's not true.

Isn't it?

You know, I didn't even save a seat for you at my showcase the other night?

Oh, that's right. You don't know because you didn't show.

Just like any other time we're supposed to do something, J.

It don't matter how many lunches I invite you to.

How many dinners. How many bowling matches.

Pool games. Movies. Showcases. Video game nights.

It don't matter,

'cause one thing I can count on a hundred percent is that you will not show.

You're gonna forget about it.

I mean, you're gonna have some type of family crisis going on.

Or your car's gonna break down.

Or you're just going to ignore it and you're gonna wait it out.

Either way, you won't be there.

As far as I'm concerned that's not a friendship.

And this is? Another "good guy" treating me like crap?

So you a victim now. Right?

You make choices, but you're the victim.

At least I know he's an ass. I'm not blindsided by it.

Alright.

Well, let me not keep you from him.

Ta-da!

Don't even get me started. He has every right to be mad. I've been awful to him.

What?

Do you always blame yourself for other people being shitheads?

You must be wrecked inside.

You a cutter?

He's never been anything but good to me.

Bullshit. That's a bonus of him trying to get in your pants.

What?

What are you? Stupid?

The guy's clearly in love with you, you don't love him back,

and instead of handling that like a man,

he's making you feel like shit for it.

He has a girlfriend.

Okay, so he's banging some other girl on the side until you're ready to come around.

I stand corrected. The guy's a saint.

Take me home.

What are you nuts? I'm drunk. I'm not driving anywhere.

She couldn't change the flow

as the wild winds blow

down where the river breaks.

Comes to the place

A heavy heart aches

Down where the river breaks.

It always feels like you're living

Down where the river

breaks.

I called the Ride Guy for you.

Thanks.

It's free.

I know.

Young lady needs a ride home.

I had a miserable time tonight.

Me too.

Do it again tomorrow?

No.

Let's do bowling instead. I'm better at bowling.

There you are.

Mom.

I didn't think anyone was gonna be up.

I was having one of those cravings.

Thank God the two of you keep your kitchen stocked.

I taught you well.

I'm a great mom.

How'd it go?

Same as always.

Don't worry.

I had to go through a lot of bad guys before I found your dad.

Lots of girls do.

You'll be happy.

He'll be here tomorrow.

He knows?

Yeah. He's ready to kill Carl.

Audrey's his baby. So are you.

He'll make everything alright.

He will?

You'll see.

Here!

At least pretend to work.

Jose don't pay you to daydream.

He'll be here tomorrow.

He'll make everything okay.

Drive.

What, are you being chased by a mountain lion?

Drive!

I don't care too much for money.

I don't care for fancy things.

Silver and gold, they will weigh down your soul.

I'm a pauper who walks like a king.

You are utterly joyless, aren't you?

Am I supposed to do jumping jacks every time I hit a pin?

I guarantee you I will.

If I ever manage to hit a pin.

Did you really expose yourself to a twelve-year-old girl?

Did I what?

Darla

found you on a list of sexual offenders.

Wait, what?

Wow.

I've, uh...

I've never seen you smile.

I had a dog once. Little...

A little pug dog. I was out taking him for a walk.

And I don't remember what I was looking at, but I wasn't paying attention,

and he peed on this guy's car. Took a leak on his tires.

Next thing I know, this guy's there and he's freaking out on me.

"Why don't you watch where your dumbass dog is pissing, asshole?

You know how much these freaking tires cost?"

Tires, he's talking.

You know, and I genuinely felt bad about it.

I'm like, "You're right. I apologize," you know?

"I should have been paying more attention, I wasn't. I'm sorry."

You know, I'm trying to see what I can do

to make it better, but the guy just keeps berating me.

"Are you and your dog retarded? Should I go get my Rottweiler?

Have him come to your place and piss on your pillow?"

And, you know, at a certain point, I'm like:

What more does he want me to do?

I apologized. I can't put the piss back in the dog.

Now he's just being a prick to be a prick.

So?

So I whipped it out and I pissed on his car.

Oh my God.

No, you didn't.

If I'm gonna take that level of shit, I'm gonna damn well deserve it.

Oh my God.

Yeah. Turns out public urination is a sexual crime.

Apparently, lawmakers find golden showers sexy.

Oh my god.

Can you roll now? I'm paying for this lane.

Honey.

Is she back?

Nothing.

Honey, don't worry.

She probably just went out after work.

She doesn't need to be out trolling right now.

She's made enough poor choices.

What'd she do?

I'm going to go look for her.

I'm sure she's fine.

Oh, I'm sure she's fine spreading her legs all hours of the night.

Oh, Avis.

Maybe you'd like to be out there with her.

I'll bring her home.

So I just gotta ask this, 'cause it's been bugging me for a while:

You don't work.

So...?

So, what?

So I can buy a nicer car? Someone's gonna rip it off anyway.

Answer the question?

I just need to know if I need to foot the tab.

Not yet.

Do you really think there are no good guys out there?

Who gives a shit?

I just want to know what you think.

That is what I think.

I don't get it.

Of course you don't. You're a woman.

What's that supposed to mean? I'm too dumb to grasp your genius?

No, you're too dumb to grasp the fact that I'm a crap-throwing ape.

All men are, because we weren't built to be "good."

We were built to be brainless and subservient.

That's a hell of a theory.

It's not a theory.

Genetic variation occurs on the X-chromosome, not the Y,

which means what makes us men is the same across the board.

Fascinating, Isaac Newton.

It's the good Lord's way of saying we're not really supposed to be people.

We're supposed to be robots.

We're built to feed you and defend you and get a boner on command.

That's it.

Wow.

Dig through the hate, that almost sounds feminist.

It isn't.

You women are worse than men.

You spend all your time trying to please the ape in the corner

rather than rule the world like you're supposed to. It's stupid and pathetic.

And one more reason people suck.

I think I love you.

I love that people hold to their beliefs.

I love that men are predictable apes.

I love that women haven't given up on them.

You're reframing my words.

You aren't as hopeless as you pretend.

It's a fine line between your words and mine.

You spend all your time pissed off and angry,

coming up with stupid reasons to hate people...

and I love them for all of the same reasons.

Taylor might just be a genius.

I'm beginning to think that underneath all that malice and venom and spite,

you're actually a really great guy.

What would you do if I tried to kiss you right now?

I think

I might pucker up.

No more tears.

And as the sparks ignite

Bringing everything to life

I'm singing I am home.

You are as hopeless as you seem.

This city's heart beats tonight.

To futility.

Hey, uh...

Sorry, I got no seat belts up front there.

This is the cheap, 'no-frills' model.

I had fun tonight.

Wow!

That one must've really hurt.

Christ, please shut up already.

I don't feel like going home.

I gotta be up early.

Early game tomorrow?

Parking restrictions.

You really have to get up to move your car?

Why don't you just park somewhere else?

Limited options.

Got any booze at your place?

We can grab a six-pack and go back and chill.

No.

Why not?

Don't want to.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You didn't want to go out with me either,

but you had a decent time, right?

It was somethin' to do.

Fine.

You know, at some point,

you're gonna have to stop making me beg for every damn inch.

I'm not making you do jack shit.

Oh, please.

I'm not.

Seriously, what do you expect from me? We had a drink, we played a game.

So what? Now I'm supposed to start glistening in the sunlight?

Bathing your path in rose petals?

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about real life,

where there's no such thing as men who are put on Earth for the sole purpose of loving you.

All right? That shit doesn't exist in the real world.

It sure as hell doesn't exist in me.

I didn't ask to move in.

I just thought it'd be cool to go chill for a while.

It isn't.

Okay. Quit trippin'.

Take me to my car. I'll go hang out by myself.

Daddy?

Daddy!

Daddy, stop it!

My girl's taken enough garbage for one lifetime!

What the hell is wrong with you?

The ink isn't even dry on your last boyfriend's fingertips,

and you're already out with the likes of this--

I'm fine!

He'll live.

Go away!

You're coming with me.

I'll wait in the car.

Are you okay?

Holy shit!

I just got my ass kicked.

I am so sorry.

Shut up. I'm not an idiot. I deserve every hit I get.

What can I do?

Let me die in peace.

Robert--

Please!

Stop it. Just go away.

Please!

I am so sorry.

Why did you do that?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I thought you'd be happy to see me.

Looks are all you have, but there's no excuse for this.

You're coming home.

You'll work with me at the car lot as a part of this family

and a good example for your sister. That's it.

I'm doing this for you. And your mom, and Audrey.

I always think of you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Open

your eyes and take a look at me.

See how the light colors me

and you'll see

that they're not the same

the same as me.

I guarantee.

Remember my name.

Open

your ears and listen to me.

Follow the sweet melody

and you'll see

that they're not the same

the same as me.

I guarantee.

Remember my name.

Remember me.

Remember me.

Remember me.

Open

your mind to possibility.

Shatter the negativity

and you'll see

that they're not the same

the same as me.

I guarantee.

Remember my name.

Remember me.

and you'll see

that they're not the same.

The same as me.

Here.

Thanks.

So...

looks like I'm gonna be leaving Whitefish.

Is that what you want?

I think I need to.

Do you think I should?

You gotta walk your own path, J.

Me telling you what I think only makes it harder for you.

Will you keep in touch?

I doubt it.

Oh.

Well, I'm... I'm sorry that I--

Don't, okay.

Look, I didn't mean it like that, alright. It's just...

We've had some good times, you know?

But let's face it, it ain't like we've been inseparable.

Ours just not the friendship that survives distance.

Well that bums me out.

Hey, look, thousands of people will come into your life.

Some will just be faces, and some will shine bright for a short time.

The trick is

to enjoy them while they last.

Don't lament them when they end.

But if it makes any difference,

I wish that you were a long, slow burn.

Is there something you're not telling me?

What do you mean?

I mean,

I think there's something you're not telling me.

You should tell me.

Tell me now.

Okay.

What?

The water's cold. A nice thong is like a smooth, silky cup.

Whoa. Hey. I'm still crazy wet.

I don't care.

Hi!

McDees.

How are you?

Fine.

Did you guys see that?

Oh my God.

Oh, there's a story behind this, isn't there?

There is something on your face.

Your face. There is something on your face.

Thanks, Brit. I'll help Robert. Thanks.

Sorry about that.

How are you feeling?

Anti-social.

Right.

Well, drinks are on me today.

Oh! Hey, you're back. Welcome.

How can we help you?

Well,

if you think your chicks can manage to keep my coffee in a cup this time,

I'd like my Americano.

Oh, they can manage.

Hey.

On the house.

Obviously.

Thanks, buddy.

Sure.

All right, spill it.

What's the scoop with our B.O.B. over there?

I'll tell you later.

Damn it.

Hey! What's up with RegretTheSun? How'd the big meet go?

Oh, thank goodness we glazed over the real story so I could relive that debacle.

That bad?

If him driving by right after seeing me is a debacle, then yes.

Oh, honey. I'm sorry.

Are you sure that it was him?

I wasn't until he and his friends made another pass.

They were doing that laughing-trying-to-kick-him-out-of-the-car thing.

He was struggling to stay in.

A few points in my direction.

Yeah, great times.

What a colossal jerk.

I know what I am.

If that's not for him, I'll just keep looking, that's all.

Well, you're a better woman than I am.

I'll hate him enough for the two of us.

Ladies, please. That's all well and tragic,

but some of us have things to do that don't involve flashing titties

and clucking in the hen house.

So if you could get me my coffee before you start the next odyssey,

that'd be great.

'Scuse me.

Sorry, sir. There you go.

Thank you.

Ah! Son of a bitch!

Is everybody in here retarded?! Goddamn it!

Sorry, man. Relax. I'm workin' down one peeper here.

You're a jackass!

I'm so sorry, sir!

Go to Hell, you little circus freak!

I'm gonna own this goddamn place!

Oh, and P.S.: These are stupid.

Get this cleaned up!

Just what the hell is wrong with you? I thought we were past this.

Guy's still a dick.

You're still a dick.

You're damn right. So quit trying to fix me.

I'm trying to be nice to you.

Like hell you are. You're digging at me.

I'm trying to get to know you.

No, you're trying to set me up into a nice little anecdote, a little nutshell--

And you're hiding it.

I'm more than a moment. I'm an ass load of moments.

You're miserable.

It's a hell of a lot better than what you are.

And what's that?

Chum.

Leave my customers alone. I don't need your help.

I didn't do it for you!

I don't know why you keep trying to shoe-horn these wonderful little personality traits into me

but let's get something straight: I'm a man. I do it for me.

If it helps you, fuckin' A.

But that's a bonus. Nothing more.

Okay.

You win.

You've convinced me.

People are evil across the board. Men especially.

You've never done anything for anybody else,

so I don't know why you would start now.

You're a horrible person.

So get out of my life.

You hate women for believing the best in men?

Then help me write them off, starting with you.

If there is a shred of decency in you, then leave.

Congratulations. You just stood up for yourself.

Leave.

Find another coffee shop. A gutter. I don't care which.

Just get the hell out.

Fine.

Goddamn it, Heifer!

If I wanted you to clean,

I'd have you shoveling manure in the barn.

Now get back there, you fat cow.

Up yours, Junior.

Jessica! Mop! Now!

Hey, uh...

Hey.

Jose, is it?

I know your name, Robert. How's everything?

Yeah, fine. But looks like I'm gonna be gone for a while, so

I just wanted to thanks, man, for lettin' me hang out and--

Oh shit! You got a little brick!

What?

I'm sorry, it's just, your, uh... your hands! Jesus Christ!

You must be hung like a toothpick down there! Can I see that?

No!

It's all right, man. Genetics, right? What are you gonna do?

Have a good day.

I will.

You're a beautiful girl.

Don't let anybody convince you otherwise.

Robert!

Robert!

What did you do to him?

What does it look like? She beat the hell out of him.

We should've beat the hell out of him a long time ago.

We should pistol-whip Junior like that.

A nice square kick to the nuts.

My dad was right.

I can't make decisions worth a damn.

Are you kidding me?

I mean, he's not a nice guy. He's a jerk.

I stick around because he's a jerk. I mean, he's gotta to be a jerk, right?

I mean, if he's not a jerk, then he's a nice guy,

and I don't want to be around nice guys 'cause nice guys are...

Jerks? What?

Oo la la.

I'm with the "oo la la" girl.

You're so vapid.

What? What am I missing?

The whole picture.

What? I mean, am I supposed to go after him? Not care?

I mean, how much of my time do you want me to waste on him?

Not a second. He's an asshole.

But he's not.

Okay, then he's a 'great guy.' Congratulations. Kisses. Happy endings.

But it's not. I mean, how do I know what he is?

Does it matter?

Of course it does.

He cares for me one minute and then despises me the next.

He hears me, and then ignores me.

He comes to my defense, and then stabs me in the back.

I don't know if he's always that angry, or if it's just a front. I don't know.

I don't know.

All I know is that when I let him in, I get hurt.

I feel safe, and I let my guard down, and he makes me pay for it.

How do you have someone like that in your life?

Well, that's it then.

So I guess this means that I don't need to look for a new roommate? Right?

What?

Oh! You were talking about Robert?

All this time, I thought you were talking about your dad.

Imagine my embarrassment.

Oh my God.

Hi, honey!

I am never opening this door again.

Come on in. Join the party.

I don't have time for this.

I'm on lunch.

Jessica. We're burning daylight. They really need you after lunch?

I'm not coming with you.

Sheila, talk to your daughter.

I'd love to have her come home. She knows that.

Mom made her choice.

What? What are you talking about? Family's not a choice. It's an obligation.

That's not a joke. Family first. That's the example I set.

Example?

Tell her she's beautiful.

What?

Tell my mom she's beautiful.

Quit changing the subject.

That is the subject.

I have heard you call her a bitch, tell her that her hair is split,

that her stomach's sagging, that she's slow, that she's unappreciative,

but I have never heard you call her...

...beautiful.

She knows she's beautiful.

She knows I love her. I've said it a million times,

you've conveniently failed to mention.

It doesn't feel convenient.

I've always provided for you girls.

I've sheltered you, I've worked until I can't see straight,

I've given you love.

You owe us that! You don't get bonus points for it.

Sweetheart, you're making me out to be a monster.

I'm just choosing not to stay with you.

Choosing.

Yeah.

You've been doing a lot of that lately.

I'm sorry about that.

After everything I've done, you want to live life like a drunken whore.

Debase yourself. Disrespect me. Embarrass yourself and your family.

But you're my daughter.

And I love you.

Sheila. Audrey. You two better be in my rear-view mirror.

Holy shit!

That was awesome.

Audrey!

We're still friends, right?

We've always been such good friends.

The best.

I love you.

I love you, too, Mom.

Come on, Audrey.

You can stay here, you know.

Audrey.

Let me look after her.

You know we can't do that, honey.

I guess you'll be out soon enough.

Well, it's not like I can screw my life up any worse than I already have, right?

I'm sorry I hurt you.

You are always welcome here, little sister.

You came back.

I love it here.

Good.

Now get back inside, 'cause I wanna take my lunch.

Move it, girl! Don't look at me like that. Move it.

I guess this is as good a place to stop as any.

I never really know where to stop, 'cause stories are change,

and how do you see change till you stop at the end to look back?

What if I stop too soon?

How pointless would that be?

Beginnings are usually easier to pinpoint.

Hi.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah. I just had a...

a friend who used to sit here.

Should I move?

No, of course not.

He doesn't come here anymore.

You're perfect.

What can I get you?

Would it be unimaginative to ask you out for coffee?

Well, I do eat, too.

A week at the Coffee Beach can seem like an eternity.

So when Friday afternoon rolls around

and the Beach looks exactly the same as it did Monday morning,

it can feel like I'm exactly the same too.

'ey, Mc-Double-Dees!

Heifer, did you eat this?

Up yours, Junior.

It's coming out of your pay.

But I've never seen my hair grow either.

A day or two of showering without a razor, I'd still look like a Sasquatch.

Oh, man! Woo!

And maybe another week in a bikini instead of a cubicle isn't ideal...

Hi, Taylor!

'ey, Brit. Skin 'em, baby.

...but maybe next week only happens because of this week.

And maybe one week, the wires will finally connect,

and I'll suddenly realize I don't have to feel like a blemish anymore

'cause I learned to exfoliate the sludge along the way.

Maybe then, life will be less about what I deserve,

and more about what I don't.

Yeah.

I think that'd make me happy.

The end of summer.

Summer.

Daddy!