Original subtitles

SEX. LOVE & THERAPY

It sounds the same!

I love the Japanese. I love Japan.

Your second trial period is over.

Your figures aren't at all bad.

Some good sales.

But I'm afraid we can't keep you on.

What?

Mr. Loong Sien in Singapore...

Mr. Shiram in Bombay... Mr. Takedo in Yokohama...

Mr. Chang in Hong Kong...

Do they ring a bell?

Yes...

My duty-free contacts.

You forgot Mrs. Lin in Peking.

Yes, but you didn't sleep with Mrs. Lin!

It does wonders to ease tensions in a company.

It helps business too...

Ms. Chabrier,

we need a sales director, not a geisha!

No one has ever dominated me

and my sexual relations have always been unbiased.

My only useful lay would have been you. But frankly...

Maybe I should have.

We need to move on.

Why can't you forgive Jacques?

Surely you hope for a solution?

What could that solution be?

- A penis amputation. - You see?

She locks herself in our room. I sleep on the couch...

- I can't go on. - You still love her?

" No! ' l do!

Call that love?

Coming home after banging your secretaries?

It happened once, only once.

I'm not what you think.

I just want us to be good together. to be happy...

Stop it.

Excuse me.

Martine, men sometimes have urges

that don't always match their emotions.

Sometimes, and I mean sometimes.

Mishaps like: "Sorry, miss. I tripped.

I didn't mean to penetrate you." That kind?

Men understand each other.

Excuse me a second.

My mum needs me now in Tel Aviv.

- Now? - Yes.

- You'll be back for the forum? - I doubt it...

I'll look dumb doing a talk on couple's therapy alone!

Don tworry.

I'll send students to help. You won't be alone.

Students?

Are they up to it?

"A therapist's talents emerge through practice."

Choose the girl that suits you best.

Female students?

Lambert, after 15 years

would I screw it up now?

You wouldn't.

It's ok. I'll pick them carefully.

Benjamin can help.

It's cool having the place to ourselves.

Shit!

Hello, Michel.

Those wheels make a din.

Can't you carry it 2O feet?

It's crazy, nothings changed here.

But a lot has happened in three years.

I've changed briefs, pants, phone...

But my numbers the same in case you call.

I was always on the move.

Tokyo, Paris, Peking...

And you never landed.

To call me and give me news?

Listen. I was always jetlagged too

I'd love to rest an hour or two.

Then I'll tell you.

You know where your room is.

What's that overly musky scent?

A Chinese one. "Yu Mi."

They do perfume?

Bringing anything new out?

It takes time...

Ten years!

You were fired?

Not at all.

I wanted to find a decentjob in Paris.

Get promoted...

I already have an interview!

To replace a dentist's assistant.

Sex got you fired again?

What a filthy mind.

Find work in a week or you're out!

Give me a break!

For newcomers.

Lambert has been here over two years, with ten months abstinence.

Three weeks and two days.

He had a relapse last year

but nothing serious compared to previously,

with sex three or four times a day.

Five...

Five or six...

It's still tough but my newjob helps a lot.

Lambert works for others now.

My motto is "Work more to screw less."

Thank you, Lambert. See Alain. He's at work.

Alain is Lambert's sponsor.

Happy? You made them laugh?

I feel awkward so I clown around.

Why awkward?

Because women drive me crazy!

If sex isn't the goal. what do I do?

You've found work. You're controlling your urges.

I wake up in a sweat every night.

You put yourself under pressure.

Erotic dreams help you let off steam.

You're kidding?

I won't screw in my dreams.

I wake in a sweat because of a damn nightmare.

Want to tell me?

It's always the same.

I'm on a plane with a gorgeous girl next to me.

I don't dare look at her body so I lower my head

but I look at her feet. Big mistake!

She has green shoes

and her tiny toes peeking out are incredibly erotic.

I lean over to tell her that I love her

but the only words I utter are "Pussy. pussy. pussy!"

Maybe you need light contact with a woman.

I've tried but they don't believe me.

Some are really perverse.

I'm talking about a fresh start

with a girl who doesn't know the old Lambert.

But no sex at first.

Like after a diet.

You see her, you talk.

Then you go home and digest.

Shit!

Can I hump you?

- I mean help you... - I m sorry?

Forgive me.

Can I help you?

Can I help you with your shoe?

Since you ask so nicely.

They're a rare thing, green shoes...

Here you go.

Thank you.

You've saved my life.

I can't really arrive limping at a job interview.

Do you live here?

You're the replacement?

You're looking for one?

No. Well, yes... I mean. it depends.

Well, I have to be going.

A couple...

Well, the family. is a safe haven.

It's always the same in a recession.

Marital counseling is a sort of public service.

Fight emotional unhappiness.

Preventing divorces dispels general morality...

He was looking for an assistant.

He doesn't work here?

I think you mean the marital counseling practice upstairs.

You're really here to be a dental assistant?

Yes...

There'll always be a special spot inside of me

for patients because...

because I feel for this cause.

- It's precious. - Very good.

Thank you.

Patricia...

Yes.

I'll give you an answer today.

Thank you.

Goodbye.

Anotherjust arrived.

But she's less... Well, a bit more...

You'll see.

You were saying?

Nothing.

No questions?

I'll ask you one

Don't you think you might be... a little too old

for a student therapist?

I've done a lot of stuff...

I tried many different things

before finding my path.

What exactly?

I ran sales teams in Asia

but, deep down,

human relations interest me a lot more

than business plans.

So you chose marital therapy?

Yes.

In fact, I've studied it... In Japan.

Japan?

A long way to go to study.

Will I need to pass a French equivalent?

I'll give anything a try.

What do you like about marital therapy?

The couple...

The couple...

A couple is a mystery.

I love studying them to figure out how they work.

Or not.

Do husbands come here alone?

We only see couples. That's why we work in tandem.

Yes. I understand.

I've often worked in tandem with men.

Sorry, but Mr. and Mrs. Vernes are waiting.

Show them in then.

What do I do?

Let's see what you're capable of.

Hello.

Do you mind if an assistantjoins us?

I see you're not alone either.

Yes.

Patrick Bouzin, my cousin.

He's consulting us too?

We're consulting you because of him.

We've been putting him up for two months now.

It's become a real problem.

Your situation is unusual,

could you tell us your story?

Our story...

You mean my wife and me? Or my wife and her cousin?

Try to explain a little...

His presence... My wife and I aren't...

We only have one bedroom with a double bed. You see?

Not really.

What we need to know is who sleeps with who.

Exactly.

But it's not that simple...

Everything ok?

I wasn't too direct?

Isn't that how you are?

It opened things up...

But you need a light touch to talk about sex.

It s not easy.

Married life is full of compromise and burdens.

Yeah, burdens, compromise, ok.

How about lunch?

No...

We'll continue your try-out later.

- So you think I m good? - Yes...

Well... we'll see.

After we try you out.

Brief this young lady for this afternoon.

We start at 3.

Show some concentration. Keep going for it.

It's too sloppy!

Move your legs. for God's sake.

Go! Stay focused. guys.

That'll do for today.

Found a replacement?

- I don't know. - But you're tempted.

I can tell.

Is she... "competent" ?

Cut it out.

You hypocrite.

I know you. I bet she's really cute.

- That's not the point. - Sure.

You gave it all you'd got

but it's nothing to do with being turned on by some hot girl.

There is some sexual tension but I can handle it.

- "Handle it." - l'll handle it.

I'm pleased. I signed for that new nightclub.

Excuse me...

It'll be awesome. I'll overhaul it. I want a U-shaped bar.

It'll be good.

With two restaurants, I'll need a new manager.

You'd be ideal.

Brilliant. I'll put "therapist/club manager" on my plate.

Give the therapy a rest.

You don't counsel couples.

You bust them.

- You're busting mine. - Don't be so serious.

It's a great salary. Lost your ambition too?

My ambition's a bit higher than my wallet now.

I need basic values...

You'll find plenty in my club. Really hot ones too!

You never give in.

There's a great apartment too.

We could share it. Imagine that?

We party at work all night.

Then head up to bed,

alone or with company... Isn't that heaven?

Aside from my mum.

Living with you would be my worst nightmare.

Hello.

I need shoes...

This is the right place.

Heels, flats. sandals?

You choose. Shoes drive me crazy.

I'm crazy about women's feet. That's why I do this job.

Very pretty

A dancer's foot. nicely arched...

Hard to shoe.

Too much heel looks vulgar.

Vulgar can be good now and then.

6, 5 or 7. I think.

What an eye!

And you're married.

What an eye!

What do you think?

The shoe or married men?

Married men are passionate.

Frustration starves them.

They devour you. They rediscover everything.

It's so moving.

- Is that the time? - Yes.

I have to run. An important appointment!

Old scatterbrained. Late. It's a bad start.

I'm really sorry.

Usually. I'm punctual. Too much so.

- We have two minutes. - Nearly ready!

Still limping?

The Jouberts, 40, two kids. good complicity.

Then unemployment struck.

I understand.

Not that quickly.

Just listen.

Only ask questions if you're sure of yourself.

Our patients are fragile. Ready?

Imagine we're missionaries.

I'd love that!

Missionaries of reconciliation.

And try to relax.

Deep breaths.

- Nervous? - A little.

It's going so fast...

"A therapist's talents emerge through practice."

Have you spoken this week?

- What for? - I don't know.

About how the day went...

I try when I get in

but he s glued to the TV.

What can I talk about? Shopping, housework, the kids?

Many fathers look after their kids in Scandinavia.

This isn't lkea.

Do you make love? Every day? Once a week?

Once a month?

- Once a year? - Judith!

He has hang-ups.

Housewife syndrome. Headaches.

- Want to know why? - We do, in any case.

It's notjust that.

The relationship has suffered.

She wants it because she's turned on after work.

Really?

Ajob can't cause sexual arousal.

- It depends who you work with. - Yes, work can be sexy

Chatting, joking and flirting with colleagues.

That's absurd.

Even married, you can still be attractive.

Focus the desire on yourselves.

Really? So how do I focus my desire?

- By changing diapers? - Be honest.

You must have wanted to make love to a woman on an urge.

Yes, today. You.

Pierre...

That was fascinating. Really.

You're too impulsive. Don't interrupt in future.

You'll take me then?

Broaden your experience. You bring it all down to sex.

It's a bit short-sighted.

It's a major issue. Especially in a case like that.

No, the key issue is time to talk and exchange.

I'd love to exchange over a drink. Feel like it?

Absolutely.

Tomorrow.

You have a shoe problem.

Sort it out.

"Sort it out"...

You talk but that solves nothing!

- I try to talk at family meals... - You don't listen.

You're mean, dumping that on me.

- Stop yelling. - I'm not yelling!

- I get it now. - You get what?

- You like them more... - More what?

I guess I lack maturity compared to her, right?

You lack it in general.

Go on, go to her.

At her age, it's tough seeing you with a much younger girl.

She's notjealous?

Not at all.

Enjoy your lunch, Judith.

How's it going?

Lambert, aren't you introducing your mother?

- People often think I'm his sister. - I m sorry...

Mum, meet Judith.

Nadine.

Judith.

Charming.

A Bloody Mary, John.

One Bloody, please.

- Not vodka at lunch? - It's just vegetables and tomato juice.

- Drunk. you're less pretty. - I'm pretty?

Yes, I like that pink thing.

A bit young for you.

Thanks. I'm catching up on lost time.

I stifled my femininity for 2O years to raise you.

I don't see what you stifled, apart from me.

Stop it. You know I was a perfect mother.

If you say so.

You know, I'm lonely I'm bored.

- Here. - Thank you.

What I'd like is someone new.

The virile type who's still good in bed.

I'm not talking about this.

Honey, it's yourjob.

Talking sex for you is like talking shop, right?

- Your shop is closed. - No. it s open. believe me.

I bet you have patients who'd suit me and who are married to shrews.

Mum, let's approach this differently.

Have you considered tranquilizers?

Sometimes, it's no use struggling to save a marriage.

Some divorces can't be avoided.

- Look at your father. - Heard from him?

No.

You want to get divorced?

When did you decide?

She wants it. It's absurd.

Fabienne?

We need a break. I'll get my own apartment.

It'll be your third divorce?

I'll give you alimony and half myjewels.

It's not money. You can't play with your husband's feelings.

- Understand? - I'm not playing.

I love him. That's why we need a divorce.

Marriage and routine ruin a relationship.

Sorry, but why marry twice in that case?

If we get divorced again, I'll never forgive you.

I forgave you our second divorce.

- Because it was you the first time. - So let's get divorced together now!

You're the exterminating angel!

You've no limits. you reallze?

Calm down. Let's find a solution.

Don t be so aggressive. He's fragile.

- My love... - If we divorce, I'll shoot myself.

I won't let you.

Totally nuts! And the whole passion thing is a drag.

Some couples need an audience. We let them express that

and put up with it.

I'd put up with it better over a drink. How about it?

Why not. We can try.

- Conceal your enthusiasm. - I will.

You're missing a button.

Blouse.

A button, a heel... It's one after another.

If the skirt stays up, we're ok.

Are you pleased?

I'm ok.

But the sensual instinctive spilling out of her clothes is tiring.

So how should I be?

Dress more neutrally.

Pleated skirt, black T-shirt, beige tights...

Clothes that won't explode when you move.

This will relax you.

I'm totally relaxed. What is it?

A Singapore Sling. I drank a lot in Japan.

Your tights are laddered.

To show you the path.

Is this act going to last all evening?

Why avoid what happened between us?

What happened?

You had an interview and I hired you, period.

As a pilot. I met lots of girls like you.

Really? What are girls like me like?

They stop at nothing to get laid.

So you don't like sex?

- I'm not looking for a quick screw. - Me neither.

Several slow screws are better.

That won't happen.

Lambert, loosen up.

Mum started drinking when Dad left her...

for a man.

We never saw him again.

That's a real tearjerker!

Taxi.

Careful.

- I'm heading home. - Can you drop me off?

L~\ \ \ \ i \§ !

SOTFY-

Forgive me.

Finished? Can we go?

Forgetting something?

What the hell came over me?

I'll fire her.

She's dangerous.

She never gives up. She'll stop at nothing.

It's the old me, female.

Fantastic.

By resisting. you see how far you've come.

She's the Holy Grail. Use this. Show her the way.

How do I manage at work with her harassing me?

You hired her because she turned you on.

No. With patients.

She has lots of instinct.

So focus on your professional collaboration.

This is your opportunity to slowly begin

a normal, balanced relationship with a woman.

I don't know how to do that.

At first. no physical exchanges.

Shake hands, that's all.

When you know her better. a kiss on the cheek.

- And if the current still flows... - Ok, I get it.

Ask her to dinner.

You mean to talk? In a restaurant?

Yes. Or with friends is better.

She'll discover your social life.

After, take her hand. take her in your arms...

If I do, I'll kiss her.

What do you risk?

Orgasm with clothes on.

- Lambert, about last night... - It's ok.

When I drink, I screw up. ljump on just anyone.

Thanks a lot.

No, I didn't mean you.

After you left...

I don't want to know.

You're far too outgoing.

Drink removes inhibitions but we must toe a strict line.

All right.

We'll make a fresh start.

- You weren't alone at the hotel. - No. lwasn't.

- I knew it! - I wasn't alone.

Who goes to a hotel alone?

If you ferret, you'll find out stuff!

Look at me.

- You can't, you're lying. - I'm looking at you!

- I'm not. - You are!

I'm looking at you.

- Read my lips. - What?

- Screw you. - Watch it.

I won't put up with your insults much longer.

- Ok. - It's not right.

That's more or less how you are.

I think we may have a solution to offer you.

Excuse me...

Judith, we did good work today. I'm pleased.

Slowly. That s it.

Not bad. You're much more relaxed.

Did you feel the heat in your bodies?

I told you. I hate my body.

I love it.

I know, but you don't live with it.

Nadia. next time I'll work with you alone, ok?

I'd like that.

I'll see you out.

Wait here. please.

We have time to outline a few things.

What's going on?

I'm breathing.

Come and sit next to me?

All right.

A quick screw.

Against the wall before the next appointment.

You're so edgy.

I'm doing you a favor.

With this out of the way. we can move on

and work properly.

No, no need to remove my shirt and tie. Lick my ear

and all that stuff. Let's just do it against the wall.

Try to hurry. We don't have all day.

5 minutes, not one more.

Do you really want me?

I mostly want to help out. It's a friendly gesture.

No thank you, then.

All that for nothing.

Why did I bother?

Our next patients...

Judith, it doesn't matter.

Desire can desert anyone.

Forget this and we'll get back to work, ok?

What's wrong?

I feel like resigning.

That would be a pity. You're making progress.

You show good intuition. You'll be a good therapist.

Don't you care what I feel as a woman?

Don t mix it all up.

I appreciate you as a human being.

I'm a human being with a vagina.

You couldn't care less about me.

That's exactly it.

I need time to recover. To get to know you.

Let's have dinner Are you free?

Right now?

Just you and me?

No. Dinner at a friend's.

I'm not dressed for it.

Even dressed, you look half-naked.

We'll manage it.

We'll manage it.

If you want to touch me, you can fondle my ass, you know.

Can't we joke anymore?

So you're the new Sabine?

Hello, I'm Judith.

Bruno. Delighted.

- Here. - Thanks.

Chateau Minuty...

- Judith. - Daphne.

Hello, Lambert.

You know each other? I thought so.

It was a long time ago.

Paris-Miami?

Los Angeles?

Toronto.

Absolutely.

Ready when you are.

Judith and Lambert. meet Jean and Agnes.

- Who was the steward? - Gautier?

- I saw him last week. - Really?

- He's married. - Poor guy.

I never thought I'd settle with a woman.

Daphne persuaded me.

She can be very convincing.

Great. Three weeks ago. he wanted to marry me.

- He did? - Yes, but you've won.

- What more can I say? - Nothing.

The chicken. please.

May I ask how you met?

Bruno?

No, Lambert.

When he was a pilot. I was chief stewardess.

We flew the same route.

I see.

The autopilot can be handy.

It's dangerous on flights like that.

With an engine on fire and the steward making a call

to page the captain, the passengers feel uneasy.

You're still notorious atAir France.

That's out of the way.

We don t have to talk about that. planes are history now.

It's a really tiring job too.

I can imagine.

Always flying or in a beach hotel with hot girls is exhausting.

Yes, it's grueling.

And uninteresting. Shall we clear up?

There's salad.

I haven't finished.

You're a drag.

I was sure you knew Daphne.

- We were just colleagues. - Come on. I know you.

You even had the ugly ones.

That was before.

You won't mind if I have a drink with Judith?

Since you won'tjump on her and she's really cute.

What about Daphne?

She's off to Sydney. 24 hours there. 24 back.

24 stopover. What'll I do all week?

Judith isn't like that. she's very serious.

Seriously open, you mean.

For you, it says "closed."

What do you care? He just invited me for a drink.

They just moved in together You're not very tactful.

You seem to know Daphne well.

I bet she's a hottie despite her uptight airs.

You're a fine one to call others hotties.

What's your problem? I scare you?

Dare to say I don't attract you.

I'm through with sex without love. Understand?

I don't love you, you don't love me. Correct?

Yes.

So that's settled.

Exalt yourself through work.

I can't do that.

Work means sex for me.

It's simple. Now we know each other better,

we exchange a quick kiss and say. "See you tomorrow."

Right.

No. I'm sorry.

Your lips are saying. "l want you."

Read them because they're saying,

It's good to change.

It'll be less gloomy now.

Done roast lamb?

Champvallon-style.

I waited for you.

- Where were you? - With my boss.

Let me guess. He's married.

No, he's not married and we aren't having sex.

Impotent?

We're taking our time, we talk.

Premature ejaculator?

We went for a stroll.

He kissed my cheek and then...

He whispered to me. "l think I love you. "

You've met a guy who respects you?

Loads of guys have respected me.

Do you respect yourself enough for them?

I'll surprise you one day.

- Good morning. Coffee? - Thank you.

What's this sodomy business with the Bulainskis?

Not first thing, please.

Sorry but your note here reads.

"She wants to, he resists." Odd. isn't it?

It's usually the opposite.

She wants to sodomize him.

Really?

That's a bit more complicated. I understand his reluctance.

Deep down, their problem is the desire to have a child, not their sex life.

Sodomizing a man is no way to get pregnant.

Very smart.

I took your advice.

That's good.

So seeing nothing turns you on.

I just feel a little safer.

Mrs. Bulainski.

- Thank you. - You're welcome. Goodbye.

I never thought you'd manage to persuade him.

With her fantasy gone. maybe they can make a baby.

If he likes it, maybe not.

She insisted on no sex before the wedding.

She's Catholic. very religious...

So am I. But I wanted it.

The first few months were pretty tough.

You bet.

I mean, abstinence is a real ordeal for a man.

Actually. it's possible.

What helped you?

Veronique is a law student. She found the answer.

If you look at sexuality in legal terms.

There's a theological void in all religions:

as long as a woman's virginity is "technically" intact.

There have been no sexual relations.

So we made sure not to have any.

How did you do that exactly?

We started with oral sex. then moved on to anal.

At first, it's very exciting.

But after a while, it leads to frustration so...

we got accessories.

We found some tiny fur toys. titillating things like that.

But after a while...

So we decided to take a more psychological approach.

Submission, domination, fetishism, swinging...

So the only thing you haven't done is what seems the most natural one.

I'm ready to ignore my principles to attain simpler sexuality.

But Luc won't now.

- To be honest, it suits me. - How?

Vaginal penetration terrifies me.

My big brother says I have a tiny dick.

I might not be fit for normal sex.

I can learn control.

The whole size thing is so unfair and subjective. What can we do?

- Here, look. - At what?

- You've seen plenty. - No, not that many.

I need a professional opinion.

Get dressed, please.

Well?

- It's perfect. - You're sure?

- We'll see next time. - Goodbye.

I feel more and more comfortable.

I think I sense the problem right away.

I'm the opposite.

The more you listen to them. the more complex they are.

You think so?

By the way, we have to speak at a therapists forum in Lille.

A forum?

You and me in a hotel with people screwing everywhere?

We'll cross a new line.

We're going to share our experiences.

It'll be very instructive.

I love being instructed.

Sorry to interrupt. You have to call your mother.

- What's wrong? - A computer problem.

I'm busy. She can wait.

Bye, Judith.

See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow.

He sees his mother a lot?

Yes, she needs a lot of affection. Especially from her son.

Judith.

What's she doing here?

She can't do without you or wants a drink with me

A drink with you?

What's your problem?

She's free to see anyone outside work.

You have to screw my colleague. You can't help it!

You've given up sex but the rest of us don t have to.

You're a drag!

Hi, how are you?

No. I can't.

- You liked it? - You're all so virile.

Your tights are laddered.

Special laddering tights, right, Judith?

Judith. I have a huge favor to ask

My mother needs help. I'm busy.

You need to go and see her.

She can wait. We're having a drink.

- I'll take a rain-check. - Ok.

Then again, herb tea with your mother instead of a good lay...

- That's me. - No one asked you.

I'll make it up to you.

You wanted to know me better? My mum can help.

I'll text you her address.

I'm sorry.

Some other time?

I won't be long.

Thank you, Judith. See you later.

I'm actually jealous.

Really? And you still want to screw?

You bet.

Not good for the abstinent.

I'm almost done with abstinence.

I want to fuck her once.

You think once is enough with a girl like her?

Once, twice, three times if you want.

- That'll settle it. - Three times in a row?

After a period of abstinence, the machinery gets rusty.

I needed three months.

Shit... I'll be ok though, I can tell.

No, you don t. You're being had like a greenhorn.

I'd like to be in your shoes to confront her.

Show some pride. Lambert. Resist. Show you're the stronger.

Provoke her, turn her on and walk away. It's a real blast.

He always has a good excuse.

Come in...

I'm afraid I have a rather personal female problem.

That's why he sent me.

- Would you like a drink? - No, thank you.

I'd like to sign up with a dating site to find a lover.

I hear Meetic is good.

For a lover. Gleeden is better.

We could sign you up too.

No. I pick up men in bars. I'm ok.

Now then, Nadine, tell me exactly what you want.

I don't know. I love meeting people...

So who would be your ideal man?

My husband.

- Really? - Yes, he was an Adonis.

Funny, subtle... A madman.

You'll find a madman. But handsome, funny and subtle is tougher.

Let's start by signing you up.

Gleeden then...

Have you thought of a user name?

My life is complex because Lambert's father is a woman...

Well, he's become a woman.

He's remarried. With a man, of course.

She asks about Lambert

but Lambert doesn't know and that's better.

You haven't told him?

No. I think it's best to be vague.

Vague? About that?

Nadine, you have to tell him.

Right now?

Yes.

- Hello, Mum. - Hello, darling...

- Everything ok? - Yes.

Lambert, I m signing up with Gleeden

and, believe it or not. I need a user name.

So I thought of...

Zaza. Not bad, is it?

Gleeden? Zaza? What is this?

You know who Zaza is? In La Cage aux Folles?

A very feminine man who's almost like a woman, see?

You're passing yourself off as a drag queen?

What's wrong with drag queens?

What's going on?

See, it s too complicated. We'll do it later.

- It's Zaza then? - Yes.

Why are you on a dating site? And stop drinking.

I want to use my body!

Try yoga, gardening, baking...

It's more your age.

Sure...

There, that's set up.

I'll be going.

- Thank you, Judith. - Goodbye.

Good night, Judith.

Could you come for lunch at my uncle's?

He's old. I'm his only relative.

If you say we're engaged, he can die in peace.

We're used to rol e-play, aren't we?

It should be ok forjust a lunch...

Since you said you'd make it up to me...

I didn't expect it so soon.

Butjust one lunch then.

One lunch. Thank you. Goodbye.

Now then...

Cinnamon. right?

Star anise...

Lemongrass? What is this thing?

Sweet and sour rabbit, with anise and lemon. A first.

Trying to disgust him orjust make him throw up?

There he is, on time. You can count on him.

You're a bad match already.

This is where I live. I grew up in this house.

A garden in Paris? You're a lucky young lady.

We're not so formal, remember.

That's a pretty skirt.

I'm glad you like it. Given your taste.

I nearly wore dungarees.

Less formal, you said.

- Something to drink? - Yes, please.

- So you're the fiance - Yes, that's me.

Good luck.

Meet Lambert Levallois.

My uncle, Michel Chabrier.

Sit down. I'll bring the food.

- Judith. You'll see to the wine? - Yes.

Judith is a great help at the practice.

Someone so unstable counseling couples...

it's beyond comprehension.

How's the rabbit?

Surprising...

Sweet and sour.

That's my uncle for you.

So this is serious?

What plans do you two have?

- A long trip... - An apartment!

I meant marriage-wise.

Marriage, why not? During the trip.

- What about children? - Children?

You want one at least?

Of course. We haven't really thought about it.

Yes, we have. We have.

What was it we said?

We said we'd do that bit by bit...

How do you have a child bit by bit?

Actually, we thought we'd start with a pet.

- A cat. - A dog.

Both.

It's like a child when it's on all fours.

But with more fur.

Fur?

It may sound confused

but it's because we're very much in love.

Right?

A bolt from the blue.

When she looks at me, I don't know where I am.

My head spins.

Mostly because she's very attractive and extremely pretty.

And also because she has green shoes.

That makes you dream?

Yes...

After all that syrup, let's have dessert.

- I overdid it a bit, didn't I? - No...

But he believed us?

Don't wait for me. I've singed the crepes.

I never liked declarations before.

Usually. they're torture

but, frankly, that was very pleasant.

I did my best.

Anyone who didn't know you would think you meant it.

Role-play is my job but I hadn't prepared it.

But there's always a shred of truth in a role.

You asked me to lie to your uncle

to give you a fiance.

Pursue your romantic tale alone.

I think we're quits.

Yes, Fabienne?

Don't worry, we're on our way.

The Lavials are at the hospital. We have to go.

No, I couldn't care less.

- You're joking, I hope. - Not at all.

- When it's urgent, you work. - So?

You're an assistant. An assistant.

Familiar...

Darling, get your purse. Let s go.

What did you call me? Darling?

Why "°t my love? Or baby? Or honey?

Darling is good for your uncle.

Simple and effective.

You're such a brown-noser.

And I almost fell for it.

Good job your true face returned.

What's my true face?

Like now, with your manias,

your sweet, low, reassuring voice...

Let's stop there.

I could paint your portrait too and it might not be flattering.

So Fabienne bit Christian or he pushed her down the stairs?

Irony is easy.

You rush to their side?

They're using you to show off and try to impress you.

No way! That s how they express their love.

No, it's exhibitionism.

All these people more in love than others!

Sorry. but what do you know about love?

As much as you.

But be it for a day or an hour.

I give myself entirely.

No, that s just sex.

I'll leave you to advise them.

I need some lightness right now.

Where are you going exactly?

Judith needs a relaxing weekend

and she'll see you at the forum. Have fun.

Lambert?

Ingrid...

You spoke at the forum last year.

"Male/female: orgasm's gender."

That's right. I missed it.

I see you're speaking today?

Yes. Well, we are.

Can't wait.

You found it?

- What? - Her orgasm's gender.

The demand is growing in all walks of life.

Yes? Wait for the mike.

Hello.

Last year, you came with Sabine.

First contact with patients must be different with...

I didn't get your name.

Judith. Judith Chabrier.

See what I mean?

Actually, no.

The approach is the same.

The choice of partner is important

but you don't turn up saying,

"l want to work as a tandem to be a good couples' therapist."

Really?

To work well as a tandem,

you need trust and a lot of affinities.

Yes, or no affinities at all.

To keep a critical eye.

Can you specify?

Absolutely!

We often observe

that the male analyst ignores the obvious.

While the female one is clear and can help a patient

who admits to having a problem.

Yes, but never forget

that patients matter most.

Therapists must leave aside

their personal relations.

Or lack of personal relations.

A female analyst can be so stubborn in her approach

that the male analyst must adopt more distance.

How can you be honest with patients if you aren't with yourself?

We must look at ourselves

rather than play the therapist...

I don't play the therapist.

I've studied. Really studied.

What's going on?

My luggage needs air.

Judith...

Are you haPPY?

Done your background check on me?

You thought I'd swallow the Japanese studies story?

So why did you hire me?

A true therapist asks himself the right questions.

Is that you?

Leave it on. I'm in the study.

What is it?

A perfume is a love story.

I've been searching for 1O years.

When I saw you blush in front of that man.

It freed me all of a sudden.

It needs tweaking but I think I have it.

It's no use anymore.

He's a lying jerk. I won't see him again.

A lovers tiff is good... Well?

Well...

A bit more lily of the valley orjasmine?

It's like that English perfume. Remember?

Mom wore it all the time.

With the carnation base... What was it called?

Malmaison?

Yes.

You'll never improve on this.

That's another story.

Don't ask.

Why not?

You never tell me anything.

That one's your mother.

It's a fine story. Two brothers, one woman.

Very romantic.

She loved you?

I think she loved us both.

You resemble her. It annoys me.

So what do you think?

Forgive me. my senses are all over the place.

Judith...

Lambert is in love with you.

We lied to you. It was all for show.

Excuse me...

Where are we?

Hotel Astrid.

In what country?

What country, he says.

What are you on. pal?

Shit. I m in Belgium.

Another Singapore Sling?

How many is that?

Three.

Time to change.

What'll it be?

I don't know about you...

I'll have a Japanese whisky.

Weird. you look just like Jean-Pierre Marielle.

I love him!

Too bad he isn't here. He'd be pleased.

A Nikka, please.

Me too, please.

- Two. - Right away.

Why does a pretty girl like you come to a bar to get drunk?

No, don't be so formal.

I spend my life with a formal guy. I'm sick of it.

You ask nicely, so let s drop all formality.

It's crazy. You talk like Jean-Pierre Marielle!

Are you his double?

To good and bad days.

Cheers.

What if I said I am Jean-Pierre Marielle?

You're not.

- I'm not? - No.

Why not?

He's older than you. Much older!

I'm having a good evening.

I came for a drink after a row with my wife.

There you go.

She finds me old and grouchy.

So you're married?

The best way to have breakfast with a woman every day.

I have a coffee and I split.

What a waste.

Awoman is sublime first thing.

Really?

With her messy hair and puffy eyes?

Pretty shadows, a hint of eyeliner. Heaven.

My wife and I often come here.

I thought she'd fetch me...

Play the field, she isn't here.

Want to go to a club?

No...

I've tried that but...

I breathe less well without her.

That's all in your mind.

Fancy love stories are made to put children to sleep.

Really? I'm off to bed then.

- No. - I am.

Who's your wife the double of?

Ava Gardner, of course.

Right, I'm off.

Goodbye.

Ava Gardner...

Like hell...

Do I know you?

No.

I've had too much.

The thing is...

you're a squirrel.

So I'll ask: are you really a squirrel?

How can you tell?

Your tail keeps moving.

- If you say so. - Yes.

I can see it.

That guy there is a bear.

I used to see guys naked.

I don't like being sad like this.

I'd like to go back to my old life.

Are you happy with your life?

I don't ask myself that.

Got a lady squirrel?

Yes.

You've never thought of killing her?

Out of love, of course.

You don't kill those you love.

You do.

Love makes you kill.

My dad loved my mom.

- He killed her? - Of course.

Out of jealousy.

That's love for you.

The more you love, the more likely you are to die.

Dad killed Mom. then killed himself out of love.

Here.

What's your name?

Judith.

Your problem, Judith.

Is you're afraid of dying.

Like everyone.

You're afraid because you're in love.

In love? Me?

That would really hurt!

Yes, you're hurting.

I can tell.

A Coke.

Listen carefully. Go to him...

and say something like...

"l love you."

Are you crazy?

Drink.

The squirrel thinks you're a scaredy-cat

who's always complaining.

You're not even a squirrel.

Good luck.

Do you know this one?

If you think you love him one day.

Don't wait a day, don twait a week.

Run to him. Run until you're out of breath.

Go to join him.

Judith?

Lambert.

Anything you want, with sex or without.

We'll wait years if you want but kiss me.

Daphne had a fight with Bruno.

She did?

Hello, Judith.

Hello.

She thinks Bruno has a mistress.

I told her she was wrong.

I'll leave you to it.

Not at all! I'm glad you're here.

Bang her. That's why she's here.

That's the pot calling the kettle black! You'd bang anyone!

For shoes, I screw a cobbler.

And when I'm sick, I screw the doctor!

- What about Bruno? - That's my business.

It's mine too, he;s my best friend.

Know what's great with Bruno?

When he wants it, he says so!

To anyone he finds.

Is that a problem?

Yes, it is a problem!

I'm jealous.

Jealous?

No way! Give me a break.

Who asked you to turn romantic?

Sex usually comes first.

- I'm not romantic. - So stop chasing me.

I'm chasing you?

That's brilliant. You're totally deluded!

You ogle my ass, my tits... Don't deny it!

Pervert.

- I'm alone here. - Alone?

I delayed everyone. ls Lambert with you?

No.

What about the patients?

Leave Judith alone.

Idiot! Just tell her you love her!

What the hell do you care?

Things are clear now.

How about a drink?

You don't mind me being alone?

No. Not at all.

- Want to tell her? - No, you do it.

We did it.

You made love? You've done it?

And?

A bit humdrum, no doubt?

The first time, we enjoyed it so much,

we did it six times.

It was wild, just the two of us with no one else...

Without toys...

And we'd like to know...

How do we stop wanting to do it?

I don't know.

Marry, have kids and we'll talk in 15 years.

But enjoy it for now.

Judith...

I think I've found him.

We'll go and enjoy it.

- Goodbye. - Thank you.

Introduce yourself.

- Hello, I'm Annie. - Hello, Annie.

I'm down to three partners this week.

Fewer is tough. with my relations at work.

In the evening. just one partner all week.

I won't call him back.

Good, you begin abstinence this week.

No. I can't. I've gone from 6 to 3. It's too much of a shock.

I need a smoother transition.

Are you new here?

Hello, my name's Judith.

Hello, Judith.

Hello.

I don't know if I'm a sex addict but...

No sex addicts here.

We're emotionally and sexually dependent.

Ok. Well, I've had it away with a lot of men

but it's not a problem.

I think there are women like me suited to that kind of life...

But if I find a man I'm attracted to...

why not go part of the way together?

There.

Actually, I don't know what I'm doing here.

You're here because, deep down, you're unhappy and know it can't last.

So, as with Annie.

I suggest a month's abstinence.

Again?

- Hello, I'm Lambert. - Hello, Lambert.

Many of you know me. I'd been abstinent

nearly 12 months.

12 months?

But. in one night. I fell off the wagon and...

I have it all wrong, see.

I met a great girl. Sexy, funny, desirable...

Looking at her made my head spin.

Instead of admitting my condition,

I made her believe she had a problem.

Pathetic.

She ended up dumping me.

She was right to.

A month's abstinence with weekly checks.

You need it.

Who wants to speak?

Renaud...

- Hello. - Hello, Renaud.

Most of you know me pretty well.

I'm a porn addict.

That's good.

We can keep working together

since we'll both be abstinent.

My thoughts exactly.

Sorry about dumping you this morning.

That's all right. We made progress on every level.

And the good news is...

Luc and Veronique...

They did it.

No? They did it? Are you sure?

Absolutely.

Six times.

Six times?

The same day?

I didn't ask.

Still got your pilot's uniform?

Yes.

One day my prince will come.

I was here first.