Original subtitles

Mm-kay. Bet's to you, Gregg.

The current pot is a Starbucks gift card with 75 cents left,

a Troll doll pen,

and a completed sudoku book. Ooh.

I'll raise.

A sick day.

- Whoa! - Heyo.

I bet you got nothing.

- I call. - I'm out.

I was chasing a Route 66 straight.

- Thanks for nothing, Maine. -Well,

close the Pontiac plant,

because I got three Michiganders.

Oh, Houston, we have a problem.

'Cause I've got three Floridas.

So I win.

No, Florida beats Michigan.

Right, Colette?

It did, until you got food poisoning

from, uh, roadside salsa in Tallahassee.

- Ah. -Mm-hmm.

- You called it "gator guts." -Yeah, that's right.

- You texted us a picture. - And a video.

Anybody mind if I borrow this chair?

Uh, my old broken chair?

- No. - Good.

Because I hired a new driving examiner.

- Really? - Whoa.

This person's about to put us on the map.

She is...

Ray Henderson's niece!

Ray Henderson, director of the California DMV?

Huh.

Ray Henderson?

Any relation to Harry and the Hendersons?

You work at the DMV.

In the state of California. Come on, you guys.

Oh! Ray Henderson.

The inventor of the Muppets.

- Yes. -Yeah.

Hmm.

Oh, good.

Looks like the new driving examiner's not here.

- Maybe she'll never show. - Pshh.

Last thing I need is some woman complaining

every time I burp or fart.

I'm a woman, and I do complain.

Colette, no. I meant, like, a real woman.

Like Debra Messing or Cher.

Well, I for one am excited

for a fresh new start.

I think I'm gonna tell her I go by "Cole."

Everybody put your hands up...

- and welcome Robin Henderson! - Ah!

Hi! I'm Colette. Damn it.

Of course you are.

It is so lovely to meet you.

Would you take a hug?

Because I would give a hug.

Don't make me beg for it.

- Oh! - Mmm.

Oh.

And you must be Vic.

Hey.

- Mm. - Ooh, what a powerhouse.

- And that is Gregg. - Mm.

I am gonna respectfully pass on the hugs.

Oh. And I'm guessing you hate nicknames, too.

And to think, I had

"Handsome" locked and loaded.

I'll tolerate it.

So, Colette is our bright shining star.

- Wow. - And she's gonna take you under her wing

and show you the ropes.

Well, I am very honored,

- Colette. - Oh.

Would it be okay if we just exchanged phone numbers

just in case any questions come up?

Oh, my God, I love you.

But, like, in a boundaried way.

- Unless you also hate boundaries. - Oh,

I hate them.

Looks like we have a winner.

- Good luck, Robin. - Mm-hmm.

Henderson.

Take care, mate. Thank you.

Oh, God.

- No, not again. - Relax, Kiwi.

I didn't come here just to get influenza.

I came for her.

You're late, dummy.

I am so sorry.

I'm not even gonna waste your time with a pathetic excuse.

Wait, wait, you're-you're going out with him?

Third date. It's our hard launch.

-Mm-hmm. - Please tell me this isn't happening.

Oh, it's happening, Kimmy Kangaroo.

Took the G-Wagon to your cousin.

I mean, six bills for a wash seems more than fair.

Good.

Now go get it. Hello?

I'm in heels. I'm not gonna walk.

Course not. Be right back.

What?

- Wait, I thought he was married. - Mm.

Freshly divorced. That's when they're the most irresponsible

with their money.

Bye, Noa.

-That's what she said? -No.

Oh, yeah. That's what she said.

You're bad.

You're bad.

Group breakfast without the whole group.

- Fun. -Colette,

you have to try Robin's cookies.

They are amazing.

Grandma Henderson's recipe.

Why didn't you guys tell me about burritos and cookies?

I've been texting you, silly goose.

- Where have you been? - Mm.

Literally sitting at my desk.

Staring at my phone.

- Okay, that's so weird. - Yeah.

Hold on.

Okay.

3-6-4-7--

3-6-4-8.

I put it in.

Smartphones, right?

Okay. I've got such a big surprise for everybody.

- Oh, yeah! - Oh...

Custom shirts?

- These are amazing. - Yes.

Well, the best driving examiner team ever

needs the best shirts ever.

And they have our names on them.

"Handsome"?

Oh, Robin, you are so bad.

Oh.

"Complete stops are sexy."

It's so good and clever.

Because it's about our work.

Hey.

I think I might need a different size.

Oh, no. I must have guessed the wrong one.

- You still look cute, though. - Yeah?

Yeah.

Cool.

Is this Gregg's old chair?

Did someone switch them?

Mm...

No?

Thank you.

Next.

Uh...

Ceci, please. I said I was sorry.

- I promise, it'll never happen again. - Mm.

Oh, yeah? Is that what you said to Charlize?

Wait, Charlize, like Theron?

Mr. Johnny Big Shot over here

left me all alone at our dinner table

so he could flirt with some actress.

Look, we want her for a big part in Yahtzee.

So I had to say hello.

Yahtzee? Who cares about Yahtzee?

- And now I'm leaving him. - No, no.

- Ceci, please. - Mm-mm.

Seems like you crashed and burned, bro.

Oh, really?

Is that how it seems?

Olé!

-Now serving... - Ha!

I don't get this country.

...at window number five.

Oh, you might want to slow down. It's...

school zone and it rained earlier.

I'm going the speed limit.

Yeah, but when the road is slick,

the rule is technically "as safe as conditions allow."

Okay, Professor Driving.

I'm just teasing, you big goof.

Yeah. So, this is so dumb

and sometimes I get in my head about this stuff, but...

since you've arrived, I-I kind of feel like I'm...

being boxed out.

Oh, my God. Colette.

I know, I know. It's silly.

You're so right.

I am boxing you out.

There's just only room for one star at the DMV,

and it's me.

That's why I'm coming for your spot.

That's why you have to go.

So, take a left on Western.

Mm-hmm.

I am telling you, Robin is not who you think.

She's a black widow.

She killed her husband?

No, sh-she's coming for my job.

- Oh. So not a black widow at all. -Mm.

Sounds like somebody's got a little jelly in their belly.

No jelly in this belly.

She told me I had to go.

Only a crazy person would say that.

Exactly!

I was talking about you.

- What? -She's the niece

of Ray Henderson.

She is set for life.

Why would she want to "get rid" of you?

Because I'm the star and she wants to be the star.

This is the DMV.

There are no stars.

Seriously? You don't believe me.

Robin is so awesome.

She makes me protein shakes

before I even feel my peptides getting low.

I want to believe you.

I just don't.

How can you not be on my side right now?

It's just that you're coming off

a teeny bit extremely paranoid.

Perhaps somebody

- needs a little rest. - What? No, no, no.

- Mm. - No. I'm fine.

We'll call it a wellness break.

- Yeah. - Mm. - Doesn't that sound wonderful?

- Please, no. - You gonna be a good girl.

I can change.

Don't. Please.

- Just relax. -No, no, no.

Please don't send me to--

Be sure and click "finished"

after the last question of the written test.

This will indicate to the system that you are finished.

Hi!

Get back to your test.

Hey, Noa.

Hey, Ceci.

Uh, I'm sorry.

I got a bit of paperwork to catch up on.

So, Brent and I made up, but then he ghosted me

for, like, ten minutes,

so now he's dead to me.

Okay. Well, hey, y-you're very...

levelheaded people.

I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Nope. It's over.

I was going to drive to his condo

and hide all of his remotes,

but I got a flat tire in the parking lot

and I can't change it because of...

Will you help me?

Yeah.

As long as you're out of that toxic relationship,

yeah, I'm happy to help.

'Kay.

So are you gonna do it or just talk about it?

I'll go do it.

All right.

I got two Iowas,

a Nebraska, and, whoo, a Puerto Rico.

Ha-ha. Is it me or am I, like, really good at this?

Uh, no. That's the worst hand I've ever seen in this game.

- Yeah, you don't even have five cards. - Yeah.

But I beat you, bro. Full house.

New Yorks full of Utahs.

Oh, well, nothing could be finer than full house Carolina.

North meets South. Together again.

Uh, I'm so sor, bro,

but I got the better hand.

No. I'm-- Where's Colette?

- She remembers all the rules. - Yeah.

Oh, come on. Does it really matter, guys?

I mean, this is just a stupid game anyway.

- Stupid game? -Yoo-hoo.

Hey, Robin. I got a great idea.

You, me, selfie under your uncle's photo.

Send it to him. What a thrill.

That is a great idea.

I hope he doesn't get confused and think I'm the manager.

Oh!

Yeah.

Hello, Ray.

I think you got us mixed up.

She's a blondie.

She's so funny.

Oh.

Hey. Remember when we found that license

that looked like Colette as a little boy?

You know, I still have that somewhere. Oh.

Ah. Boylette.

Coolest mustache in the Dakotas.

Ah. You know, I'm starting to miss the old girl.

Mm-hmm.

Well, I got a test.

Uh, you want anything from Subway?

I'm gonna have my kid stop.

Ooh, yeah. Just grab me a c...

Gregg, buddy,

you trailed off there. You taking your ginkgo?

Her cookies are Subway cookies.

- Robin lied to us. - What?

They are Subway.

She stole the recipe and baked them herself.

No. I think she's buying her cookies from Subway.

- There are so many levels to this. - No.

There's exactly one level.

Look, I'll be honest. This is a tricky one.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa. What are you doing, broham?

Ceci called me to change her tire.

And I brought a guy to do it.

Oh. Well, you're too late.

- Noa here's already almost done. -I don't understand

what I'm doing, but I do understand I'm not almost done.

How am I late? I left as soon as you texted.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you didn't get held up talking to,

I don't know, Charlize Theron?

Charlize means nothing to me.

Sure. Let's go, Noa. Come on.

Thank you for showing me what true loyalty feels like.

Oh, my God.

This friendship is over, mate.

Friendship? We're famously enemies.

Colette.

Robin is a fraud.

Oh, my God! You guys believe me!

We're sorry. We should've listened to you from the start.

Yeah, we didn't realize

how evil she was.

Passing off Subway cookies as her own.

But, also, she was really nice to me

and then she threatened me.

It's all very upsetting.

Yeah, but, uh...

saying that she's coming for my spot,

that's a little more so.

We got to tell Barb about this.

Also Subway.

There could be major legal ramifications.

Not harping on it, but, uh, I'm a friend of yours

and these are cookies.

They're cookies.

The screen's still frozen.

Click "restart"!

I hate it here.

Oh!

You guys look intense.

Another rat die in the walls?

No. Robin is a fraud.

She's passing off Subway cookies as her own.

And?

Oh. Right, Colette.

And she says she knows pro wrestling,

but there's no proof.

It's really-- It's the cookies.

- Yeah. - It's mostly the cookies.

Okay, everybody just calm down.

This is Ray's niece

and you're accusing her of baking fraud.

And the fact that she s--

Uh, you know what, let's just go with the cookies.

They seem to land.

Listen, I want to believe you. I do.

But if Ray gets word of this, it could sink our branch.

And I'm not sure how to prove it yet, but I'm pretty sure

that if I stop working here,

- I will die. -Oh, come on.

Barb, we're already on the chopping block.

- Let's go out with some integrity. -Yeah.

Screw this. I'm going in.

I'm already wearing a wire.

- Whoa! - Whoa.

Do you have our backs?

It's not that simple, Colette.

If we come for the king's niece,

we best not miss.

She doesn't even know the rules of the road.

Say that again?

Not only does she not know them,

she calls them "the suggestions" of the road.

What in the name of fried butter?

Look at this. Look. Ask her anything from this handbook.

If I am wrong, I will stay in written tests forev--

two week-- t-- days.

Two day-- One day.

An hour.

Ceci.

Oh, good.

You saw me.

- What's new? - Hey, look,

I-I don't appreciate you using me

in whatever twisted game you're playing with Brent.

- Okay? - Okay, got it.

Relationships, they're based on respect,

even when it comes to conflict.

- Yeah, I got it, Noa. Thank you. - And...

and over what?

You know? Because he left you

at a table for two minutes to talk to an actress?

Why don't you just order yourself a drink

and eat some breadsticks?

Are you that insecure?

- Oh, my God, what? Is it a rat? - I don't know, Noa.

Maybe I am that insecure, okay?

Wait, what? Y...

You?

It's just...

He's this little big Hollywood guy, and...

I don't know, I work at the DMV.

He takes me to all these fancy restaurants

with all these fancy people, and...

I just don't fit in.

I know it sounds stupid, but...

I think I really like him.

Doesn't sound stupid, okay?

I mean, it sounds stupid to me.

But if you like the guy, then you should...

tell him how you feel.

What if we don't have enough in common?

You're both incredibly selfish, petty people, so...

Thanks, Noa.

That's really sweet.

Right.

Hey, Robin.

♪ Robin Hood! ♪

Uh,

I, um, am in a little bit of a pickle and I need your help.

Sure, what's up?

Examiner Tersillo moving into posish.

Uh, I-I signed up for some trivia online,

and I can't remember

who has the right-of-way at a four-way stop.

Um... whoever gets there first?

Right, right. But, what if the cars get there at the...

...same time?

This is a trivia question?

Yeah, I know.

Um...

I don't know.

They figure it out.

They figure it out?

There it is.

You got got.

Ha-ha.

Suspect apprehended at--

Oh, I forgot to press "record."

Robin, I'm gonna need you to step away from the water cooler.

What?

What is this?

It's a bust. You're busted.

You didn't think that I

would recognize a cookie from Subway?

- Well, you didn't. - Eventually.

And let's not forget

that she threa--

Showed disregard and disrespect

to the rules of the road.

Thank you, Colette.

Oh, please.

What are you gonna do about it, Barb?

Fire me?

Good luck. My uncle will make a phone call

and you'll be working at the one window at the Mount Shasta DMV.

Mount Shasta.

You're exactly right.

We all live under the great, benevolent shadow

of Sir Ray Henderson.

Mm.

But there's one other picture on that wall

I have to answer to.

"The duck stops here."

The duck stops with me, Robin.

For the sake of this branch,

the employees, and road safety...

...you are fired.

Yeah.

- All right, Barb. - Get some.

Well, congratulations, everybody.

May the rest of your life be an unending hell.

Too bad you weren't more careful.

This is the second boot I've worn on a foot this year.

Tootsie Pop, I don't know how to be careful.

Yeah. She really doesn't.

Nope.

You'll be sorry.

Now serving...

What is going on here?

Against every instinct I had,

I asked Brent to come in.

Is there something that you would like to say to him?

Fine.

I didn't like when you left me alone

at that table, because...

...it made me feel like...

you were embarrassed by me.

Ceci, are you kidding?

No way.

It's just that...

sometimes I get nervous when I talk to Famouses,

and I didn't want you to see me like that.

Really?

Okay, now...

I want you each to say something positive

about the other person.

Okay.

Brent.

I like how expensive your car is.

And that you do whatever I say.

And I like how you're so hot.

Makes me look important.

It does.

And you're nice to me.

I like that.

- And you're so smart. -Mm-hmm.

Yes. Good.

Okay.

Okay, now we are getting somewhere.

Is that somewhere a sexual desert?

Because I am so turned off right now. Oh, my God.

Yeah, are you done killing the vibe? Or do you have

some voicemails from my mom you want to play for us?

Hey, you know what?

This is the most toxic,

self-destructive relationship

I've ever witnessed. And for the sake

of everyone in this world, I'm just so glad

that you two found each other.

- Well done. -Mm.

This freakin' guy.

Barb?

Ray Henderson's on the phone.

Oh.

Chin up, Barb. Chin up.

Hey, before you get canned,

will you sign my vacaysh request really quick?

Here and here.

- Thanks. -You did the right thing.

She was a good,

good boss.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss Barb.

I called her "Mom" once, you know.

Same.

Well, Ray asked me if I fired his niece.

And then...

...he thanked me?

A-And he called me a hero?

Robin's his annoying sister's kid.

And I just did what he could never do.

This is great for our branch, you guys.

Awesome, Barb!

Aw.

Well...

Hey, let's play some poker.

Winner buys...

Subway.

- Yes. - Hey, Nevada beats Pennsylvania, right?

No. Not since the, uh...

the vending machine at the Mirage ate Gregg's dollar.

It's the one slot machine I thought I could beat, okay?

- Stop, stop, stop. - Relax. I'm not even touching you yet. God,

- I thought you were tough. - No, no, no. Just

do a little at a time.

No, all at once.

No, a little at a time.

Oh, my God. You're being such a baby.

God.

Okay, just close your eyes

and imagine you're walking down

a beautiful path

and there's a garden and it's so nice.

Oh, so lovely. Little puppy.

Ah, and we're done.

Oh.

Wow.

I didn't feel a thing.

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