Original subtitles

Okay, that's to you, Greg.

The current pot is a Starbucks gift card with 75 cents left, a troll doll pen,

and a completed Sudoku book.

I'll raise.

A sick day.

Whoa. Hey -o.

I bet you got nothing.

I call.

I'm out. I was chasing a Route 66 straight. Thanks for nothing, Maine.

Well, close the Pontiac plant because I got three Michiganders.

Oh, Houston, we have a problem because I've got three Floridas.

So I win. No, Florida beats Michigan. Right, Collette? It did until you got

poisoning from a roadside salsa in Tallahassee. You called it gator gut.

that's right. You texted us a picture.

And a video.

Anybody mind if I borrow this chair? Uh, my old broken chair? No.

Good. Because I hired a new driving examiner.

Really? This person's about to put us on the map.

She is... Ray Henderson, it's me!

Ray Henderson, director of the California DMV.

Huh.

Ray Henderson.

Any relation to Harry and the Hendersons? You work at the DMV.

In the state of California.

Come on, you guys.

Oh, Ray Henderson.

The inventor of the Muppet. Yeah.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Oh, good.

Looks like the new driving examiner's not here. Maybe she'll never show.

The last thing I need is some woman complaining every time I burp or fart.

I'm a woman, and I do complain.

Colette, no.

I meant like a real woman, like Debra Mething or Cher.

Well, I for one am excited for a fresh new start.

I think I'm going to tell her I go by Cole.

Everybody put your hands up and welcome Robin Henderson.

Hi, I'm Colette. Damn it. Of course you are. It is so lovely to meet you.

Would you take a hug because...

I would give a hug.

Don't make me beg for it.

Oh.

Oh.

And you must be Vic. Hey.

Oh, what a powerhouse.

And that is Greg.

I am going to respectfully pass on the hug. And I'm guessing you hate

too. And to think I had handsome locked and loaded.

I'll tolerate it.

So Colette is our bright shining star and she's going to take you under her

and show you the ropes.

Well, I am very honored, Colette.

Would it be okay if we just exchanged phone numbers just in case any questions

come up? Oh my God, I love you.

But like in a boundaried way. Unless you also hate boundaries. Oh, I hate them.

Looks like we have a winner. Good luck, Robin.

Henderson.

Thank you, mate. Thank you.

Oh, God, no, not again.

Relax, Kiwi. I didn't come here just to get influenza.

I came for her.

You're late, Tommy.

I am so sorry. I'm not even going to waste your time with a pathetic excuse.

Wait, wait, you're going out with him?

Third date. It's our hard launch.

Please tell me this isn't happening.

Oh, it's happening, Kimmy Kangaroo.

Took the G -Wagon to your cousin. I mean, six bills for a wash seems more

fair. Good.

Now go get it. Hello, I'm in heels. I'm not going to walk. Of course not. Be

right back.

I thought he was married.

Freshly divorced.

That's when they're the most irresponsible with their money. Bye,

Is that what she said?

Oh, yeah, that's what she said. You're bad.

You're bad.

Group breakfast without the whole group.

Carla, you have to try Robin's cookies. They are amazing.

Grandma Henderson's recipe.

Why didn't you guys tell me about burritos and cookies?

I've been texting you. Billy Goose, where have you been?

Literally sitting at my desk, staring at my phone.

Okay, that's so weird.

Yeah. Hold on.

Okay, 3647.

3648. I put it in. Smart phones, right?

Okay. I've got such a big surprise for everybody.

Oh, yeah.

Custom shirts?

These are amazing.

Well, the best driving examiner team ever needs the best shirts ever.

And they have our names on them.

Handsome. Oh, Robin, you are so bad.

Complete stops are sexy.

It's so good and clever because it's about our work. Hey, I think I might

different size.

Oh, no.

I must have guessed the wrong one.

You still look cute, though. Yeah?

Yeah. Well... Is this Greg's old chair?

Did someone switch them?

No?

Next!

Sissy, please. I said I was sorry. I promise it'll never happen again.

Oh, yeah? Is that what you said to Charlize?

They shall leave like they're on. Mr. Johnny Bigshot over here left me all

at our dinner table so he could flirt with some actress.

Look, we want her for a big part in Yahtzee, so I had to say hello.

Yahtzee? Who cares about Yahtzee? And now, I'm leaving him.

No, no, Sassy, please.

Seems like you crashed and burned a boy.

Oh, really?

Is that how it seems?

Oh, hey!

Ha!

I don't get that country.

Oh, you might want to slow down. It's school zone and it rained earlier.

I'm going speed limit.

Yeah, but when the road is slick, the rule is technically as safe as

allow. Okay, Professor Driving.

I'm just teasing you, big goof.

Yeah, so this is so dumb.

And sometimes I get in my head about this stuff, but since you've arrived, I

kind of feel like I'm being boxed out.

Oh, my God, Colette.

I know, I know. It's silly.

You're so right.

But I am boxing you out.

There's just only room for one star at the DMV, and it's me.

That's why I'm coming for your spot.

That's why you have to go.

Take a left on West.

I am telling you, Robin is not who you think. She's a

black widow.

She killed her husband?

No, she's coming for my job.

Oh, so not a black widow at all.

Sounds like somebody's got a little jelly in their belly. No jelly in this

belly. She told me I had to go.

Only a crazy person would say that. Exactly.

I was talking. about you what she's the niece of ray henderson she is such a

wife why would she want to get rid of you because i'm the star and she wants

be the star this is the dmv there are no stars seriously you don't believe me

robin is so awesome she makes me protein shakes before i even feel my peptides

getting low i want to believe you i just don't how can you not be on my side

right now.

It's just that you're coming off a teeny bit extremely paranoid.

Perhaps somebody needs a little rest.

What? No, no, no.

No, I'm fine. We'll call it a wellness break.

Doesn't that sound wonderful?

Please don't. I'm going to be a good girl. I can change.

Don't, please.

Just relax. No, no, no.

Please don't send me to written... Be sure and click finished after the last

question of the written test. This will indicate to the system that you are

finished.

Hi.

Get back to your task.

Hey, Noah.

Hey, Pissy.

I'm sorry. I got a bit of paperwork to catch up on. So Brent and I made up, but

then he goes to me for like ten minutes, so now he's dead to me.

Okay. Well, hey, you're very...

Leave it here to people. I'm sure you'll figure it out. Nope. It's over.

I was going to drive to his condo and hide all of his remotes, but I got a

tire in the parking lot and I can't change it because of... Will you help

Yeah. As long as you're out of that toxic relationship, yeah, I'm happy to

Okay.

So are you going to do it or just talk about it?

I'll go do it.

All right. I got... Two Iowas, a

Nebraska, and woo -hoo, a Puerto Rico.

Ha -ha.

Is it me or am I, like, really good at this?

No, that's the worst hand I've ever seen in this game.

Yeah, you don't even have five cards. But it beats you, bro.

Full house.

New York's full of Utahs. Oh, well, nothing could be finer than full house

Carolina.

North meets south together again.

Oh, I'm so sorry, bro.

But I got the better hand. No, I'm... Where's Collette? She remembers all the

rules. Oh, come on. Does it really matter, guys? I mean, this is just a

game anyway.

Hey,

Robin, I got a great idea.

You, me, selfie under your uncle's photo. Send it to him. What a thrill.

That is a great idea.

I hope he doesn't get confused and think I'm the manager.

Hello,

Ray. I think you got us mixed up. She's a blondie.

She's so funny.

Hey, remember when we found that license that looked like Colette as a little

boy? You know, I still have it somewhere.

Ah,

boy -let.

Coolest mustache in the Dakotas.

You know, I'm starting to miss the old girl.

Well, I got a test.

You want anything from Subway? I'm going to have my kid stop.

Oh, yeah. Just grab me a cookie.

Greg, buddy, you trailed off there. Are you taking your ginkgo?

Her cookies are Subway cookies.

Robin lied to us. What?

They are Subway.

She stole the recipe and baked them herself.

No, I think she's buying her cookies from Subway. There's so many levels to

this. No, there's exactly one level.

Look, I'll be honest. This is a tricky one.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing, Broham?

Ceci called me to change your tire, and I brought a guy to do it. Oh, well,

you're too late.

Noah here is already almost done. I don't understand what I'm doing, but I

understand I'm not almost done. How am I late? I left as soon as you texted.

Are you sure?

Are you sure you didn't get held up talking to, I don't know, Charlize

Charlize means nothing to me. Sure.

Let's go, Noah. Come on.

Thank you for showing me what true loyalty feels like. Oh, my God.

This friendship is over, mate.

Friendship, we're famously enemies.

Robin is a fraud.

Oh, my God.

You guys believe me.

We're sorry. We should have listened to you from the start. Yeah, we didn't

realize how evil she was.

Passing off Subway cookies as her own.

But also, she was really nice to me, and then she threatened me. It's all very

upsetting. Yeah, but, uh, saying that she's coming for my spot, that's a

more so.

We gotta tell Barbara about this.

Also, Subway, there could be major legal ramifications. Just not harping on it,

but, uh, I'm a friend of yours.

These are cookies.

Cookies. The screen's still frozen.

Click restart.

I hate it here.

Oh, you guys look intense.

Another rat died on the walls?

No. Robin is a fraud.

She's passing off Subway cookies as her own. And?

Oh, right, Colette. And she says she knows pro wrestling, but there's no

It's really, it's the cookies. It's mostly the cookies.

Okay, everybody just calm down.

This is Ray's niece, and you're accusing her of baking fraud. And the fact that

she's... You know what? Let's just go with the cookies. They seem to land.

Listen, I want to believe you. I do. But if Ray gets word of this, it could sink

our branch.

And I'm not sure how to prove it yet, but I'm pretty sure that if I stop

here, I will die.

Come on, Barb. We're already on the chopping block.

Let's go out with some integrity.

Yeah, screw this. I'm going in.

I'm already wearing a wire. Whoa.

Hello? Do you have our back?

Not that simple, Collette. We come for the king's needs.

We bid not miss.

She doesn't even know the rules of the road.

Say that again? Not only does she not know them, she calls them the

of the road.

What in the name of fried butter? Look at this. Look.

Ask her anything from this handbook. If I am wrong, I will stay in written tests

for two weeks.

Days. Two days. One day.

An hour.

Nothing. Oh, good.

You saw me.

What's new?

Hey, look, I don't appreciate you using me in whatever twisted game you're

playing with breath, okay? Okay, got it.

Relationships, they're based on respect, even when it comes to conflict.

Yeah, I got it, Noah. Thank you. And over what?

You know, because he left you at a table for two minutes to talk to an actress?

Why don't you just order yourself a drink and eat some breath sticks? Are

that insecure?

Oh, my God, what? Is it a rat?

I don't know, Noah. Maybe I am that insecure, okay?

Wait, what?

You... It's just... He's this little, big Hollywood guy, and... I don't know,

work at the DMV.

He takes me to all these fancy restaurants, all these fancy people,

just don't fit in.

I know it sounds stupid, but... I think I really like him.

Doesn't sound stupid, okay?

I mean, it sounds stupid to me.

But if you like the guy, then you should tell him how you feel.

What if you don't have enough in common?

You're both incredibly selfish, petty people.

Thanks a lot.

That's really sweet.

Right.

Hey, Robin.

Robin Hood!

I am in a little bit of a pickle and I need your help.

Here, what's up?

Examiner Tricilla moving into position.

Uh, I signed up for some trivia online.

And I can't remember who was right away at a four -way stop.

Um, whoever gets there first?

Right, right. But what if the cars get there at the same time?

This is a trivia question?

Yeah, I know.

Um, I don't know. They figure it out.

They figure it out? There it is.

You got God.

Suspect apprehended at... Oh, I forgot to press record.

Robin, I'm going to need you to step away from the water cooler.

What?

What is this? It's a bust.

You're busted. You didn't think that I wouldn't recognize a cookie from Subway?

Well, you didn't. Eventually. And let's not forget that she... Showed disregard

and disrespect to the rules of the road. Thank you, Collette.

Oh, please.

What are you going to do about it, Barb?

Fire me. Good luck. My uncle will make a phone call, and you'll be working at

the one window at the Mount Shasta DMV. Mount Shasta.

You're exactly right.

We all live under the great benevolent shadow of Sir Ray Anderson.

But there's one other picture on that wall I have to answer to.

The

duck stopped

here. The duck stops with me, Robin.

For the sake of this branch, the employees, and road safety, you are

Yeah. All right, Barb.

Get down.

Well, congratulations, everybody.

May the rest of your life be an unending hell.

Too bad you weren't more careful.

This is the second boot I've worn on a foot this year.

Tootsie Pop, I don't know how to be careful.

Yeah, she really doesn't.

No.

You'll be sorry.

What is going on here?

With every instinct I had, I asked Brink to come in.

Is there something that you would like to say to him?

Fine.

I didn't like when you left me alone at that table because... it made me feel

like...

You were embarrassed by me.

Cecily, are you kidding?

No way.

It's just that sometimes I get nervous when I talk to famouses, and I didn't

want you to see me like that.

Really? Okay, now I want you each to say something positive about the other

person.

See?

Brent, I like how expensive your car is.

And that you do whatever I say.

And I like how you're so hot.

Makes me look important.

It does.

And you're nice to me.

I like that.

And you're so smart.

Mm -hmm.

Yes.

Good. Okay.

Okay, now we are getting somewhere.

Is that somewhere a sexual desert? Because I am so turned off right now.

God. Yeah, are you done killing the vibe, or do you have some voicemails

mom you want to play for us? Hey, you know what?

This is the moment.

toxic, self -destructive relationship I've ever witnessed.

And for the sake of everyone in this world, I'm just so glad that you two

each other. Well done.

This freaking guy.

Barb?

Ray Henderson's on the phone.

Chin up, Barb.

Chin up.

Kick off.

Hey, before you get canned, will you sign my vacation request really quick?

Here and here.

Thanks. You did the right thing.

She was a good, good boss.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss Barb.

I called her mom once, you know.

Thanks.

Well, Ray asked me if I fired his niece.

And then... He thanked me?

And he called me a hero?

Robbins is annoying since he was a kid, and I just did what he can ever do.

This is great. We're our branch, you guys.

Awesome, Barb.

Well,

hey, let's play some poker.

Winner buys Subway. Yes.

Hey, Nevada beats Pennsylvania, right? No. Not since the vending machine at the

Mirage ate Greg's dollar.

It's the one slot machine I thought I could beat, okay?

Stop, stop, stop.

Relax. I'm not even touching you yet. God, I thought you were tough.

No, no, no. Just do it a little at a time.

No all at once.

No a little at a time. Oh, my God. You're being such a baby. God.

Okay, just close your eyes.

And imagine you're walking down a beautiful path.

And there's a garden.

And it's so nice. Oh, so lovely. Little puppy. Ah, and we're done.

Oh, wow.

I didn't feel a thing.