Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

Fuck!

Third time this month, isn't it?

Yeah.

Job security.

I love it!

Yeah, well, you are an asshole.

True story.

Look, where am I taking this?

Back to your uncle's shop?

Fuck.

No.

Yeah, take it there.

You drop me off at my fucking stupid job first.

[giggles]

[suspenseful music]

Again?

It's a fucking piece of shit.

Yeah?

But it does get me out of the station.

I mean, other than the stacks of cold cases I stare at every day.

There's not much going on in this town,

so it gives me something to do.

Oh.

I'm, like, so glad that I can help.

You have?

OK.

Have a nice day.

Hey, Nana.

GRANDMOTHER: You're so good at this.

GREG: I know.

It's one of my many talents.

Ah!

Oh, Willoughby.

Greg?

I think you fixed it.

Oh.

Well, that's good, because I don't

wanna be late for my tanning appointment

at Little Beaver salon.

Bye, sexy.

Don't miss me too much.

Nana, does he live here now?

Oh, you.

And what about your teeth, Nana?

He can't even remind you to put them in?

I just-- why do you need a sugar baby, Nana?

Well, who's gonna take care of me when I get old?

Me.

Oh, dear.

I don't wanna be a burden.

That's stupid.

Well, good night, Nana.

Good night, dear.

What?

I wanted to talk to you.

What the fuck?

Listen.

I know it must be weird, someone your age coming in here

and dating your nana.

Dude, how old are you?

It's getting pretty serious.

But I want you to know.

I understand, I can never replace your real grandfather.

But I hope we can be close.

I'm so glad we had this talk.

It's so open and healthy and communicative.

And that's what I admire about you most, Willoughby.

Dude.

Will, Bill, William, if you must.

But you are, like, the only fucking person

that calls me Willoughby.

It's because we're family.

Almost.

[theme music]

[eerie music]

Morning, sunshine.

Oh.

Morning, Nana.

Oh.

Good morning, dear.

You are just full of surprises, aren't you?

GREG: Ooh, sexy.

Whew.

It's almost time.

Dear?

Silly Halloween.

Oh.

Yeah, your favorite.

So much fun.

So much fun.

Mm-hmm.

I gotta go to Uncle Dickey's and check on my car.

OK, dear.

[clears throat]

My brother, your granddaddy, now he know how to fix a car.

I'll give him that, at least.

Did you see my car out there?

Yep.

OK.

So--

Do you even have money to fix it this time?

Not-- not really.

I'm saving up for a new car.

I told you that.

Yeah.

Really.

So what?

This piece of shit is my problem now?

OK.

Well, I'm just gonna walk to work now.

OK.

Big job.

Big phone rip.

Big phone rip.

Whoa.

This is a great product at an affordable price.

Well, how would you like to hear that we have the solution--

I'm sure you'll agree.

For all your problems.

We are currently offering a buy one, get one--

LAVASH: Product solves all--

Hello?

Hello?

I can offer you this.

I'm so done with this place.

Will, you sound good, man.

It's ridiculous.

Best to keep everything in perspective.

All right, clowns.

Hey, hey!

Shift's over.

We got three sales today.

You all suck.

Oh, Will.

You especially suck.

Fuck!

This is so fucked.

I'm walking from my first shitty job

to my second shitty fucking job.

Gotta make a living, dude.

When I developed asthma, my life drastically changed.

My income came to a screeching halt.

Yeah?

Yeah.

First, you make the money, then you put it to work for you.

Like a businessman.

Like me.

I'm a businessman.

I always push.

Dude.

Just sitting there.

Yeah, that's his jam.

I remember him from, like, the fifth grade.

Old man Pat.

Blind as a bat.

All I want is to be promoted at Little Beaver's Pizza.

Man, Little Beaver's Pizza sucks my ass.

San Remo's pizza, that's where it's at.

Right, Will?

Will?

What?

Yeah.

Where are all the scary costumes?

[scoffs]

Do you know what I like to do after a long, hard workday here?

No.

Well, I'll tell you.

I like to go home and relax.

Take a hot bath with my wife.

Do you know why?

Why?

Cause the hot water makes her skin

feel like she's still alive.

[eerie music]

What is this?

Uh.

This shit.

This is the samurai costume display you asked me to set up.

Imagine, if you can, that you're

a proud and powerful samurai.

Can you do that for me?

I don't think so.

Try.

OK.

Great.

Now, would a samurai call this a samurai display?

Know the fucking products!

It shows them some respect!

Can I take my break?

Two minutes.

What about you, sugarplum?

You being productive, at least?

Yeah.

My section is in lockdown.

Oof.

You're good.

That's not the only reason you're my favorite.

You're late.

It's like--

Welcome to Little Beaver Halloween City.

Oh.

Hey, Rosemary.

Thought you left.

ROSEMARY: You're such an asshole.

Yeah. You think?

Hey, we are doing a haunted house for the kids at the rec.

You should come and check it out.

You know, I'm actually buying an old hearse.

And it could be, like, a really cool prop for the thing

that you're doing at the--

the rec center.

Really?

Yeah, I'm definitely gonna get it.

My car is, like, totally out of commission.

So--

So you're buying a hearse?

Yeah.

That's-- that's cool.

I'm starting a limousine company.

Cool.

You're the first person I told.

Thank you for sharing.

Yeah.

And it's practical, too, since I need a car.

You need a ride?

I do need a ride.

Maybe next time, you can drive me home in your hearse.

Yeah, with my hearse.

Yeah, I can--

I can totally do that.

So we've been friends for, like, since my mom

and me moved here.

It's been a really long time.

Yeah.

I think we should go on a date.

Really?

Yeah.

OK.

[gasps]

ROSEMARY: Is it--

WILLOUGHBY: Yeah, it's Lavash.

ROSEMARY: He scared me.

Yeah.

He looks like a Halloween scarecrow.

ROSEMARY: Hi, Lavash.

Hi, Rosemary.

ROSEMARY: Where's Sid?

He's in the woods, taking a piss.

All right.

I'll see you tomorrow.

MAN 1: You're so naughty.

MAN 2: Naughty but nice.

Sid, he's here.

Let's party!

It's Tuesday.

And you said you would write me the letter of recommendation

for my promotion.

And I brought us some pizza.

It's from Little Beavers.

Yeah.

No shit.

MAN 1: Oh, you.

All right. All right.

What's the plan?

I got something I gotta do.

What the fuck, man?

Yeah.

What the heck? - Dude, yeah.

What the heck?

Dude, just swear.

You sound like an asshole.

Yo, Will.

Can we still hang in the garage?

We can hang in the garage, man.

Sid, will you write a letter of recommendation?

Hell, no.

[eerie music]

Hey.

Is that hearse for sale?

You interested in that ride, are you?

She run?

Oh, she runs all right.

Well, what's the price?

Your soul, boy.

Do you even know what that car is?

Yeah.

It's a-- like an old hearse.

It's a 1966 Indred El Minion.

It's rare.

And that one, she's special.

Limited edition.

Only made six of them.

And she's the last one to roll off the assembly line.

428 banger under the hood, and a Zito carburetor.

Who the hell is this?

This is--

Will.

This is Will, darling.

He says he wants to buy the hearse.

Oh, well.

He came to us.

Not like we went knocking on his door, telling him

he had to buy the thing.

Isn't that right, Will?

Yeah.

I saw the-- the "For Sale" sign.

He saw the "For Sale" sign.

You paying cash?

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I don't know.

Phil.

Well, now--

We talked about this.

You're selling that damn heap.

I'm sick and tired of looking at it.

It's been here forever.

It's drawing rats.

Rats?

Here shows this nice boy, practically begging.

Darling.

Don't darling me.

You're selling.

This car?

So how much?

How much what?

Cash?

Yeah.

How much you got on you right now?

I got, like, $16.

Marge!

All right.

All right then.

Tell you what.

You come back here tomorrow with $400.

Marge.

Shush!

$400?

Ah.

I can do that.

Well, here's the thing.

If you really want something, you just gotta grab it, right?

If you really want this hearse, then she and everything

that comes with her is yours.

All right.

OK.

I'll-- I'll see you tomorrow.

Well--

Well--

It's happening.

It is.

And I must say, dear, I'm impressed.

MARGE: Are you now?

I am, very much so.

You were very convincing.

You're very thoughtful.

I am.

Thank you, sweetheart.

I especially like the part about, if you want something,

you have to grab it.

[laughter]

There is no way I'm lending you money.

It took you, like, a year to pay me back last time.

It's an investment.

You said yourself, you're a businessman.

You did say that.

Shut up.

Tell me again about this business plan of yours.

Shit.

I'm gonna convert the hearse into a limo.

It's a limousine service.

Fuck me.

Dude, we'll deliver a luxury experience for the good people

of this town.

This town is lame.

Exactly!

It might have franchise potential.

If Little Beaver's Pizza ever franchises, I'm in.

How much do you need?

$389.

Fuck you!

You're leaving, like, $5.

What?

I can make payments.

Pay it off in three to six months, tops.

Will can make payments with interest.

Interest.

Like a vig?

Exactly.

Like a vig.

I do like that.

Put the money to work.

OK.

OK, I'm in.

Nice!

$360.

$380.

And $400.

It's gonna be hard.

Sorry.

Yep.

MARGE: Get over it!

The title.

Thank you.

Jenkins, like the funeral home?

Yep.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

My grandfather used to work there, actually.

Yeah.

I mean, you don't say.

I guess the hearse has been in town a while then, huh?

Yeah.

According to that title, it's only been one owner.

It's been sitting here ever since.

OK.

See that?

You're getting a lightly used, two-owner vehicle

fresh off the lot.

OK.

The keys.

[eerie music]

That's all she needed.

Yep.

It's been a long time.

Yep.

She's hungry.

Yep.

You know, he does worry me a bit, though.

What?

Why?

I mean, is he good?

Not like in a righteous sense, but maybe just not bad.

Oh, you're just being a nervous Nellie.

Everyone's bad when it comes right down to it.

You know that, honey.

Yeah, you're right.

Of course I am.

She'll have him doing her bidding in no time.

Yes, she will.

[SINGING] Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

[radio static]

RADIO HOST: 52 degrees this evening.

[rock music]

[door slams]

[radio static]

WILLOUGHBY: Hello, Nana. - Oh.

Hello, dear.

Don't you get pooped?

Yeah, I've been cleaning my new car.

GRANDMOTHER: Sounds like fun.

New car?

Yeah.

Well, it's new to me.

Oh, dear.

You're a hoot.

Thanks, Nana.

So?

- So what? - Your car.

Oh.

Well, it's actually a classic.

It's an old hearse.

Good for you, dear.

I'm gonna turn it into a limousine.

It's gonna be like a limousine service.

It's a business.

Ooh.

That sounds like fun, dear.

Mm-hmm.

Exciting.

Yeah.

Hey, Nana.

Grandpa worked at a Jenkins Funeral Home, right?

He sure did.

Me, too.

You worked?

Where do you think I met your grandpap?

I didn't know that.

Of all the brothers, he was by far the sexiest.

Grandpap just had one brother, Uncle Dickey.

Of course, dear.

Well, anyway, they owned it.

Owned what, dear?

The hearse, Nana.

Jenkins Funeral Home.

Oh, that makes sense.

Hey, Nana.

I'm going on a date tonight.

I think we're gonna come back over here afterwards.

Oh, that would be splendid, dear.

It's a date night for us, too.

Greg said he's gonna light up my world tonight,

and I believe him.

OK.

I think that's mixed. - OK.

I'll see you later, Nana.

OK.

[upbeat music]

Too much.

[energetic music]

[SINGING] Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

HEARSE: We are going to have so much fun.

What's wrong?

Oh, it's nothing.

This thing's different.

What's with the windshield?

I think it's legal.

So?

My father.

Stepfather.

He's a drunk.

I mean, small town.

And I know he drinks a little.

Yeah, a little.

He's always been nasty, but--

What?

It's embarrassing.

Come on.

He hit my mother.

Is she OK?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's fine, I guess.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

Let's just-- I'm excited to meet your grandmother.

Careful, baby.

Those cookies are hot, just like you.

Ooh, they're here.

Wow.

Your grandmother really likes Halloween.

Shit.

Oh, the lights.

[claps]

Oh.

Hello, dear.

Oh, I'm Greg, Nana's lover.

I'm not his grandfather yet.

Would you kids like some cookies?

No, thanks, Nana.

This is Rosemary.

Hello.

Oh.

She's just as pretty as a ladybug, isn't she?

I'd say.

Oh, but in an inexperienced way.

Nothing like my seasoned pro.

Yeah.

Yeah, we're going upstairs.

It was nice meeting you.

We love you.

Was he--

I don't wanna talk about it.

OK.

GRANDMOTHER: No, stop!

[indistinct speech, laughter]

[engine rumbling]

Last night was--

Awesome.

[faint arguing]

MAN: I don't give a shit!

Early start today.

I'm sorry.

[rock music]

[radio static]

HEARSE: I appreciate it.

Thank you, Will.

I've been waiting there for years.

Waiting for you, Will.

Will, stop!

I know what you want, Will.

What?

HEARSE: People can be so cruel.

Yeah.

HEARSE: Feeling like you're being taken advantage of

and never being taken seriously?

It's a heavy burden for anyone to bear.

Yeah.

HEARSE: It's just not right.

Is it, Will?

WILLOUGHBY: No.

HEARSE: As long as we're together,

you'll never feel like that again.

Your soul, boy.

She and everything that comes with her is yours.

[eerie music]

Dude, where have you been?

What?

I dropped Rosemary off this morning, and then I fell asleep.

I'm fucking beat.

You dropped Rosemary off this morning?

Whatever.

I saw them kiss.

Dude?

You know you missed the sales meeting.

Fuck that place.

I fucking quit.

Not prudent.

Who talks like that?

I'm just saying, the limousine business hasn't

even gotten off the ground yet.

Speaking of which, how is my investment doing?

Don't!

What?

The fuck was that?

[lightning strikes]

SYSTEM: Walk in front door.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

Again.

WILLOUGHBY: Really?

Excuse me.

Not today, Hannibal.

What did you just say to me?

Do I look stupid to you?

You were saying?

He said he's getting to work, Mr. Hannibal.

Right now.

Right?

Yeah, getting to work.

That's right.

Get ready for your shift.

WILLOUGHBY: Keep that hair in a ponytail.

And make sure that name badge is on!

ROSEMARY: Yeah.

But I was sure he's gonna fire you.

I'll give him a friggin' name badge.

But the way you stood up for yourself--

Total scumbag.

I liked it.

[woman shouting]

Shit.

Better not even think about raising his hands again.

We're just fine before he showed up.

[eerie music]

HEARSE: He's hurting her.

I know.

HEARSE: When you care about someone,

you need to protect them.

Right, Will?

For sure.

HEARSE: You know what you need to do, don't you?

I do.

[rock music]

HEARSE: Will?

Will?

We talked about this.

Will?

It will be fun.

Now go!

Good boy.

[suspenseful music]

Please do it.

Do it.

[door slams]

[humming]

[SINGING] How I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

[giggles]

What the hell are you even doing here, you idiot?

Who are you talking to?

Nobody.

Sorry, I didn't see you there.

Well, I didn't see you either.

Beautiful night, I'd say.

I guess.

Funny where we find ourselves sometimes.

What?

Just saying.

That's how it is when you're searching for something.

Yeah, I think it's a beautiful night.

Tell me what you see.

What?

I'm fucking blind, boy.

Tell me what you see.

Describe everything to me.

OK.

The sky is dark.

Go on.

There's a cloud, I guess.

I hear a waterfall up ahead in the distance.

How is that?

I try to remember, but it sounds so gigantic.

Is it gigantic?

Yeah, it's pretty big.

And the moon, boy?

Is the moon out tonight?

WILLOUGHBY: Yeah.

PAT: Well?

It's yellowish.

You can do better than that.

OK.

There's, like, craters, and it's glowing.

I would do just about anything to see again.

I don't know.

What's that, boy?

Speak up.

Something's just-- just not right.

Boy, don't let her take you.

What?

The curse.

You won't even know it's happening till it's all over.

No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Boy, she'll give you what you want the most, but for a price.

WILLOUGHBY: All right.

Boy, you know where to find me.

He's excited.

He's been wearing his costume all week.

You had him on Halloween last year.

I'm taking him trick or treating.

You listen to me.

I will come down there, and I will arrest that--

that new piece of shit you've been hanging around with.

I'm taking him trick or treating this year.

Goodbye!

Goodbye!

Good news, pal.

She said you can come trick or treating with me this year.

Is that really what she said?

You bet.

Now I gotta go into this house and check on this young lady.

I'll be right back.

Oh.

And don't spray the pepper spray in the car again, please.

Thanks, Rosie.

OK.

So how long has he been gone this time?

Since basically late last night.

This morning.

Well, come on.

That's nothing.

No way he leaves this.

And he didn't take his wallet.

And why is his car still here?

[phone vibrating]

Oh, it's Will.

Sure.

Morning.

At home.

Sheriff Ozer is here.

Did he hit her again?

No, no, no.

It's just-- I don't know.

It's like he's just vanished.

[eerie music]

Will?

No.

I'm-- I'm sure he's-- he's fine.

Yeah, probably.

OK, I gotta go.

OK.

Fuck this.

I'm exhausted.

I'm going back to bed.

[door knock]

Hi, Will.

Please write me my letter of recommendation

for Little Beaver's Pizza.

Lavash, I'm freaking exhausted.

I need to get some sleep before I go to work.

[door knock]

Look what Papa has for us tonight.

[thud]

[eerie music]

Crazy.

That's crazy.

I know what I saw.

Dude, you're tripping.

Oh, no.

Yo, what?

Come on, keep up.

Lavash.

[body thuds]

Lavash!

Get all the best costumes at Little Beaver Halloween City.

Mr. Hannibal!

Mr. Hannibal!

I finished the talking display.

Can you check it so I can leave?

Mr. Hannibal!

Everything is on sale at Little Beaver Halloween City.

[suspenseful music]

Mr. Hannibal?

Little Beaver Halloween City is the scariest place to be.

[suspenseful music]

Scary good deals every day at Little Beaver Halloween City.

[suspenseful music]

Buy one costume, get 125% off.

This isn't funny.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

We laugh at the competition.

Who is that?

MR. HANNIBAL: Wouldn't you like to know?

This is--

MR. HANNIBAL: What?

So?

You don't keep any cash in the store!

I'm co--

Ah!

Ha ha ha.

Don't be afraid to spend all your money at Little

Beaver Halloween City.

Oh.

That wasn't funny.

Things are pretty cool.

Probably gonna sell a lot of these.

What were you saying?

That wasn't funny.

I beg to differ.

It was pretty funny.

I need to leave.

Sure.

Where's your boyfriend?

Where's your boyfriend?

He's about a minute late already.

He'll be here.

Oh, and one more thing.

What?

Your request for taking Halloween day off.

Declined!

But I told you when I first got this job.

This is Little Beaver Halloween City.

It's our busiest day of the year.

Kind of stupid.

But I work at the rec center for the kids on Halloween day.

I told you months ago.

That's--

Hey, where do you think you're going?

Don't you walk away from me.

What's up?

I need to get home to my mom.

She's a wreck.

[door slams]

Four minutes left.

What'd you say to her?

What did you say to Rosemary?

Oh, please.

What did you say to Rosemary to make her upset,

you friggin' creep?

Your whore girlfriend is trouble.

Trouble?

Yeah.

Absolutely no refunds at Little Beaver Halloween City.

[suspenseful music]

Better not be messing up another display.

Act now.

Halloween is just around the corner.

Buy.

Buy.

Hey, we don't carry that costume.

It's pretty cool, but shit, Will.

You know I offer employee discounts.

Least you could do is show some patronage to the store.

Blood?

What?

Here you go, fucker.

Here's some blood.

Oops.

Didn't mean to mess up your new costume.

You'll pay.

Yeah. You know what?

Speaking of paying, guess who had

to pay for your raffle ticket 'cause somebody

didn't wanna show up to the Little

Beaver Halloween City Little League Spaghetti Fundraiser!

Did they?

No, you couldn't be bothered, could you?

Guess you're just too busy to show some support, huh?

So what do you think the Little Beavers think of you?

I think the Little Beaver think very highly of me,

especially you!

[man screams]

[body thuds]

Little Beaver Halloween City is where all the action is.

Come on, Ro. Come on.

Pick up.

Ro.

Ro.

When you get this, please come down to Little Beaver Medical,

OK?

Lavash is really messed up.

And I-- I don't know.

I don't know.

I think Will is-- there's something

seriously wrong with him.

MAN [ON PHONE]: Hank, son, can you put your papa on, please?

OK.

Over.

This is Ozer.

MAN [ON PHONE]: Sheriff, please stop over

by the Halloween City store.

Roger.

What's up?

MAN [ON PHONE]: It may be best just

to get here as soon as you can.

Copy that.

You'll never know what you'll find at Little

Beaver Halloween City.

OZER: Shit.

Cool.

Oh, shoot.

Would you?

Yeah.

OK, kiddo, let's go outside.

This is sick.

Everything cut clear off.

Good riddance.

If you buy your costume anywhere else--

Let's do a sweep.

[suspenseful music]

Little Beaver Halloween City.

Fun, fun, fun.

OZER: Nothing.

Me neither.

He's sitting in the squad car.

He's fine.

What's this town coming to?

So where's the head?

Or the hands?

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Dear?

Yeah, Nana?

Greg has a bit on his mind.

He wants to apologize.

- No way. - Oh, you.

Go on.

Willoughby.

Will?

Greg?

I'm-- I'm--

I'm-- I'm very, very sorry for being inconsiderate and not

acknowledging your feelings and for my recent inappropriateness.

Greg, you're always inappropriate.

It just seemed like I startled you and upset you.

Look what Papa has for us tonight.

Yeah.

I don't know what you're talking about, Greg.

We're good.

We are?

Hell, yeah.

Oh, that was nice, dear.

Oh, I'm so relieved.

And I just want you to know that my relationship with your nana

isn't solely driven by my unrelenting desire for her touch

and unabashed lust.

OK.

Have fun, dear.

Oh.

Thank you, Willoughby.

We will.

Ugh.

What the fuck is that smell?

[engine rumbling]

HEARSE: Will, we need to talk.

Huh?

HEARSE: I can tell you're upset.

I'm not.

HEARSE: Yes, Will.

You are.

OK.

HEARSE: And that's OK, Will.

But I do want you to know that it does get easier.

What?

HEARSE: Taking.

Taking?

HEARSE: Taking whatever you want, Will.

You can have whatever you want now.

You take care of me, and I take care of you.

OK.

[door slams]

[mutters]

Open!

There must be a logical explanation.

Ro, have you ever known me to exaggerate?

He-- he doubted me the other day, like big time.

It was for no reason at all.

He put his head down and turned away.

It was fucking weird, Ro.

He's probably just--

I think he's dangerous.

Dangerous?

I'm telling you, there is something

seriously wrong with Will.

HEARSE: Will.

Wake up.

Will!

Again?

Fuck.

[engine rumbling]

[eerie music]

HEARSE: You take good care of me, Will.

He doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

HEARSE: I was so hungry.

He could never hurt anyone.

Will is a good person.

HEARSE: Self-doubt is a terrible thing, Will.

This can't be.

HEARSE: It is.

Oh.

HEARSE: Yes, Will.

Yes, Will.

Yes, Will.

It hurts me to see you like this, Will.

This is your fucking fault!

HEARSE: We killed the ones who hurt the one you love.

I did it for you, Will.

I didn't ask you to.

HEARSE: We did it together, Will.

Sid!

Lavash!

The fuck?

Dude, you just swore.

I'm so proud of you right now. - Where's Will?

Last time I talked to him, he was at nana's.

Fucking call him.

I just wanna call him right now.

All right, Lavash.

All right.

That's fucking epic.

[phone vibrating]

Rosemary!

Where are you?

I'm going to see old man Pat.

Why?

Something's going on.

And I know he's the only one who knows what the hell it is.

Will, you're scaring me.

I think I fucked up.

We'll meet you there.

Who?

Who are you with?

Me and the guys from the hospital.

At the hospital?

Why?

Lavash, but he's all right.

Rosemary, do not--

We need to go now.

Is Will OK?

I don't think so.

I'm hooked up to all this.

She's getting angry now, isn't she?

Tell me what the hell is going on.

Willoughby.

How do you know my name?

I'm your uncle.

Of course I know your name.

But my uncle--

what?

It's your uncle, of course.

The one thing is, you're never supposed to know that.

Too late now.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Your grandpappy and my younger brother,

Dickey, they're no damn good.

Pure evil.

Dickey and my grandfather are your brothers?

Yep.

Well, why the fuck would I not know that?

Well, it was forbidden.

I was too good, they said.

They said I would be a bad influence on you

when it came time for you to take over.

Take over?

Take over what?

You're at the helm now.

You're it!

Oh, fuck this!

This is about the fucking hearse, isn't it?

Yes, son.

It's all about that hearse, the hearse and pure evil.

Are you understanding what I'm saying?

Willoughby?

Son?

Answer me!

You evil, evil bloodsuckers!

All I'm saying is, don't play with dead things.

And whatever you do, don't tell your mother.

Whoa.

[siren blaring]

You know the drill.

I'll be right back.

Rosie?

What the hell are you driving like that for?

That's irresponsible and reckless, young lady.

Sheriff Ozer, Will is in trouble.

What kind of trouble?

I don't know exactly.

He went to go talk to old man Pat.

Old man Pat?

Will said that he was the only one who knew what was going on.

Well, what is going on?

I don't know.

Please.

OK.

Let's just all go in the squad car.

We'll go and we'll see what the problem is, OK?

Hey, you, Pat.

How you doing?

They took him.

Who took who?

They took Will!

Who took Will?

Dickey.

Dickey from the auto shop?

Dickey?

And Phil.

I smelled the pipe smoke on his clothes.

Probably Marge, too.

And why would Dickey, Phil, and Marge take Will?

[laughter]

They're all evil.

There's evil as the day is long.

And now, she wants Will.

Who wants Will?

The hearse.

The hearse.

That's right.

The hearse wants Will.

Pat, have you been drinking tonight?

My own brothers poured acid directly into my eyes.

Took away my sight.

It was my punishment for not joining in on their evil.

And now, she wants Will.

And they'll make sure she gets everything she wants.

You can bet on that!

Uncle Dickey, the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is going on?

[laughter]

What the fuck is going on?

[laughter]

Old Zachariah Jenkins started it all.

Funeral home was the perfect cover.

No one was the wiser.

He fed her the blood of the dead.

But she insisted on more and more fresh blood.

All those missing persons.

There's your answer.

You're saying that this--

whatever this is has something to do with all these missing

person cold cases?

Zachariah Jenkins started it all.

But do you know which one of his lackeys

was the worst, the most evil of them all?

Nana?

Oh.

Hello, dear.

Nana, what's happening?

What is this?

Oh, dear.

You're so sweet.

But it's OK.

None of us are perfect.

What the fuck is this?

Oh, you know, dear.

No, I don't.

You don't, huh?

Remember, you came to us.

That's right.

No one forced you to buy her.

What?

The-- the hearse?

What?

The hearse?

She has a name, Hershey.

I named her Hershey when I was about your age, dear.

And now, your initiation to show her how much you appreciate her.

How exciting.

I think I killed people.

Well, of course, dear.

And a fine job you did.

I think I drank blood.

I think I drank blood.

[laughter]

Silly.

How do you think we feed her?

[screaming]

OK, here's the deal.

We're gonna go in here.

Let's see if Will is here.

And if he is, we'll get to the bottom of all of this.

OK.

OK, buddy.

I want you to listen to me, OK?

Stay in the car.

We'll be right back.

It's locked.

Check the side.

Lavash, I found a window.

It's cracked open.

You gotta crawl through it.

What if I can't fit?

Dude, I'm so writing that letter of recommendation.

[door slams]

You must obey her, dear.

Will?

Will, tell me it's not true.

Please, bro.

I'm really sorry, dude.

But we kinda have bigger problems now, don't you think?

Ah!

[laughter]

Hey!

Untie me!

You're all fucking crazy!

Let's just-- [murmurs]

[gunshots]

Don't even try.

Rosemary, untie me!

I know what I need to do.

Dad?

[gasps]

[gunshot]

I need to get to the fucking hearse.

Go to her, dear.

She's waiting for you.

[laughs]

[eerie music]

HEARSE: What are you doing, Will?

What I have to.

HEARSE: But we're so happy together.

Fuck you!

I'll see you at the bottom of the fucking river, bitch!

I wish I could have seen that.

HEARSE: It's you, Will.

What a good treat.

[loud crash]

[door slams]

[humming]

[SINGING] How I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

[humming]

HEARSE: I've been waiting for you.

Waiting for you.

I know what you want, Pat.

I can-- I can see.

I can see!

I can see!

[suspenseful music]

HEARSE: We are going to have so much fun.

[gasps]

[ending theme]

[SINGING] That's how I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

Let's go

This hearse is cursed

I ride shotgun

And now we got a flat tire

I'm going crazy

I will stamp it on my passport

Got a crucifix

I keep it in my dashboard

That's how I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

Let's go

That's how I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

That's how I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different ways

I know she loves me

Because she always shows me

In so many different and ways