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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,958 I spend all this time wanting sex. 1 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,956 You've got to admit, it's possible, isn't it? 2 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,069 Yeah. 3 00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:08,189 Yes! 4 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:09,240 I'll sleep on the floor. 5 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,713 Don't stare! 6 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,035 Where's my money gone? He's taken everything. 7 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:15,753 I'm a vlogger. I get naked and they send me money! 8 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,031 She'd kill you. Using her old house to pimp out her grandson. 9 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:22,712 First we had nothing. 10 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,115 Then we made a path. 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,352 Then we made the path bigger. 12 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:43,595 Then we made roads. 13 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:45,232 Then we made the roads enormous. 14 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:49,680 Then we made more. Then we kept making more. 15 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,598 We built lines across the world, and we lived along the lines. 16 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:56,713 We made grids, we made mazes, we made circuits, we made traps. 17 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:57,909 That's where we live. 18 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,110 Contained inside the lines. 19 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:05,109 Men did this. We built cages to keep ourselves civilised. 20 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,913 But sometimes we take a wrong turn. 21 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,511 Sometimes we get... 22 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,560 Lost. 23 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,995 Oh, for God's sake! 24 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,952 He's in a mood. 25 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,592 I think it's him. 26 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,877 Josh. 18. Law student, so he says. 27 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:39,989 Can't get rid of him. 28 00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,758 Ah, he looks nice. 29 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,756 Freddie said, ' "Bye! '" But he won't take the hint. 30 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,631 Just keeps sitting there. Clinging on. 31 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,795 He's like a young version of you. 32 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,796 Oh, thank you very much(!) 33 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:50,512 Thursday afternoon, I need you out, OK? 34 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,074 Stay out till about half six, and you, Dean, both of you. 35 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,714 I need the place to myself, Thursday, OK? 36 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,318 - Have you got that? - OK! 37 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:58,793 I'm busy anyway. 38 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:01,434 - You're not the only one with a life. - Oh, yeah, busy doing what? 39 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,761 Yeah, now you've been sacked, what d'you do all day, Mr B? 40 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,948 Wouldn't you like to know? 41 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,240 First things first. What did the bank say? 42 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,989 I warned you, when you first moved in together, I said, 43 00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:18,793 ' "Anyone with a joint account is an idiot.'" 44 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,718 Lance has claimed the money as his own and it's perfectly legal. 45 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,671 - Can't we sue? - It'll cost you. 46 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:25,676 And that's money you don't have. 47 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,359 I charge 200 quid an hour, and that's including this. 48 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,072 I'm penniless. 49 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,476 I work with the penniless, you are nowhere near. Sell your car! 50 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,435 There's one more thing. 51 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,398 That's what I wanted to show you. 52 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,034 I needed the money, so... 53 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,439 I think I might be in a tiny little bit of trouble. 54 00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:48,833 Ah. 55 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:50,598 It's a long time since I've been here. 56 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,278 Must be a decade or so. 57 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:53,799 Your mum never liked me. 58 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:57,998 So, what is it you've done, then? 59 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,280 Turned it into a cannabis farm? 60 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,595 That would have been wise. 61 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,239 Hello, Mr B! 62 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,829 Hi, Scotty, this is Cliff. Cliff, Scotty, and this is Meatballs. 63 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:12,233 - Hiya. - Yeah, we've met before. 64 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,716 Look, I fixed it, I got it working. 65 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,871 This is my empire. 66 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,558 So it drives people to their channel, 67 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,989 and the channel attracts advertising, so it makes money. 68 00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:52,439 How old is Adam, now? 69 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:55,438 15. His mate's 16. 70 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,391 They've got wish lists. Next thing you know, they've got 71 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,113 men sending them iPods and gift certificates. 72 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,913 Adam got sent this black Nando's card from a man in Aberdeen. 73 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:08,391 So, word spreads. 74 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,874 This is Jake, and Ryan. 75 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,751 They're wondering, could they have a go? 76 00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:25,874 And this is Ollie, this is Richard. 77 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:28,840 OK. 78 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,513 Three, two, one! 79 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:35,357 - Oh, my God. - I know. 80 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,675 - And they're not gay? - Nope. 81 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,038 - And they're not getting off on that? - No. Believe me. 82 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,469 They stand up and wipe their mouths like no gay kid ever would. 83 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,078 Please don't say this is turning you on. 84 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,588 Actually, not for a second. I think they can fuck off. 85 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,200 - Yeah. I know. - I am horrified to discover 86 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,355 I have standards. 87 00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:56,992 We're being ripped off, Henry! 88 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,634 Men like you and me are masturbating over those smart-arse kids, 89 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:00,795 in all good faith. 90 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,671 I know! Cos then they tried to rip me off. 91 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,756 We give you 35%, but what for? 92 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,711 We could do this at home without you. 93 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:09,115 Yes, but I give you the house, and freedom, 94 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,118 and safety. There's Scotty and Meatballs, I pay for them. 95 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,071 The whole point of vlogging is we do it ourselves. 96 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,348 It's our voice. 97 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,028 Not an old man's. 98 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,237 So. Me and my big mouth. 99 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,633 That's when I had my bright idea. 100 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:23,908 Which is what? 101 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,234 Nervous? 102 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,999 Did you ever play that? Nervous? 103 00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,996 Not in our school. 104 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:33,316 We played it all the time, when we were 12, or 13. 105 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,873 Boys and girls in my day, but... 106 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,354 You just... touch someone, and... 107 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:40,240 Oh, God, you're all too young. 108 00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,793 But it's a game, it's like a test. 109 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:45,389 You put your hand on someone's knee, and say, '"Nervous? '" And they say, '"No.'" 110 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,796 Then you put your hand on someone's thigh, and say, '"Nervous? '" And they say, '"No.'" 111 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,876 So you keep going further up the thigh, like, ' "Nervous? '" 112 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,798 And by now they're going, ' "Oh, my God... '" 113 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,310 It didn't work at first, cos these boys aren't nervous of anything. 114 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,315 Nervous? 115 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,919 No. 116 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:09,871 I don't get it, what's the point? 117 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,115 Why would I be nervous? 118 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:13,513 But then, they got in this lad. 119 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,033 Beanie. 120 00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:19,120 Nervous? 121 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,674 Ah! No. No, go on! 122 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,035 Nervous? 123 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,308 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 124 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,360 Nervous? 125 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,674 Yes or no? 126 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:31,188 No. Oh, my God. 127 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,118 - Nervous? - Gaargh! 128 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,037 So now, everyone loves Beanie, 129 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:38,389 they're lining up to have a go. 130 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,076 - Nervous? - Oh, sacre bleu! 131 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:43,314 Nervous? 132 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,396 Whoa, whoa, not my bum! No-one said my bum. 133 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,078 Is that allowed? No way! 134 00:06:55,280 --> 00:06:56,952 Wheurgh! 135 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,149 Next thing you know, it goes viral. 136 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,269 Everyone's doing it, 137 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,072 I'm a trendsetter, Cliff. By accident. 138 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,076 What sort of figures? 139 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,712 The Nervous videos get about 90,000 views, each. 140 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,593 It's not that big, but it's 90,000 people. Watching. 141 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,511 Am I breaking the law? Is it legal? 142 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,960 Oh, my God, Cliff, tell me it's OK. 143 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,672 Is it? 144 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,188 Technically, they're employing you. 145 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,038 So, you're not a porn baron, you're just a minion. 146 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,354 You're the patsy. 147 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,277 They're making you their dupe. 148 00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:23,958 Well, that's good news. 149 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,149 As long as there's no hard-ons. 150 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,192 - You're certain that no-one's erect? - Definitely not. 151 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,798 And all of a sudden, that's a good thing. 152 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:30,875 The world is mad. 153 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,319 Hey, there. 154 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,069 Hello, Uncle Cliff. 155 00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:38,271 Hi, Adam. The main man. I've just been admiring your handiwork. 156 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,548 It's a laugh, isn't it? 157 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,318 We're getting six of us in tonight. 158 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,954 There you go, thank you! 159 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,753 We're gonna do that Raining Men song. With wellies and things. 160 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,631 And Beanie gets all wet, it's brilliant. 161 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,238 I'll see you in a bit. 162 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:51,952 That's our song. 163 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,275 I think I preferred it when they were beating us up. 164 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,594 How much? 165 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,358 200 quid. 166 00:07:57,400 --> 00:07:59,709 All of this for 200 quid. 167 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,876 I've got to pay 50 to Scotty. 168 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,196 And 60 for materials, I'm making 90 quid a week. 169 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:06,275 Wow(!) 170 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,753 You prove my theory. 171 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:12,873 We chain ourselves down with homes and jobs and money, 172 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,069 but take those chains away 173 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,314 and we're dogs. 174 00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:20,275 We are nothing but dogs, running across the wilderness, 175 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,878 howling at the sky. 176 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,195 Cocks out. Fucking the wind. 177 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,191 You've lost your chains, Henry. 178 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,397 I think you're brilliant. 179 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,794 - Bollocks. - What is it? 180 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:39,840 My boyfriend. 181 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,438 - What? Lance? - No. 182 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,436 I knew there was something else. 183 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,391 I got a boyfriend. 184 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:46,759 By mistake. 185 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:47,994 Shit. 186 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:51,112 Well, it's nice to meet you, at last, he's been keeping you secret. 187 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,388 You don't mind if we eat now, do you? 188 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,034 The kids are starving. Molly made the salad, didn't you? 189 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,036 There's two, there's one with goat's cheese and one without. 190 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,753 Adam was supposed to do it, but he disappeared, as usual. 191 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,758 Sorry! I was playing footie. 192 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,552 Sit down anywhere, go on. 193 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:09,196 Oh, and look, that's Baby Lou, upstairs. She says hello. 194 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,719 Hello, Baby Lou. 195 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,193 So. Dig in. 196 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,356 And remember, Uncle Henry's got a brand-new boyfriend 197 00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,958 so don't frighten him away. 198 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,873 Oh, for Christ's sake, you are ridiculous! 199 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,559 You fight for the rights of the Romanians and the Poles 200 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,795 and the Nigerians, but only because you need them 201 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,115 to scrub your toilets! The left wing loves having an underclass. 202 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,434 Don't you dare presume to know me! 203 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,153 Where d'you think your salad comes from? 204 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,997 They've got minibuses, driving round at 5am, 205 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,077 they pick up all the immigrants and the junkies and the mentally ill, 206 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,873 and they drive them out into the countryside to pick your lettuce. 207 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,992 Those are the hands on your salad. Heroin addicts! 208 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:44,315 You've got slaves working for you, out in the fields - 209 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,237 don't pretend otherwise, you love it! 210 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,951 You're going out with Theresa May! 211 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,918 No, no, not yet. 212 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,996 Oh, come on! 213 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:04,678 We should have a good old fuck one of these days, yeah? 214 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:06,073 I don't even know what you like. 215 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,553 Are you Ross or Rachel? 216 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,158 I kind of like to wait, y'know, 217 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,997 till it's a proper relationship. 218 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,598 Well, then, let's make it a proper relationship. 219 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,756 - Would that be good? - Yeah. 220 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,358 Your sister won't be happy. 221 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:17,719 She'll be all right. 222 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,752 So, Friday. Come round mine. 223 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,678 Tell you what, let's not drink, let's have sober sex, I love that. 224 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,039 - Yeah. - And you can fuck me. 225 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,752 You can go the full bravo delta. 226 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,597 Is that OK? 227 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:29,640 Yeah. 228 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,750 OK. Friday night. Excellent. 229 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:35,555 Night. 230 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,868 - That is not remotely sexy. - Nice bum, though. 231 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,559 Why do men do that, what do they get out of it? 232 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,433 I'll tell you one thing, Ronnie - gay men do not moon. 233 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:26,753 I reckon you're in with a chance. 234 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,153 Don't say that. 235 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,760 There's something odd about him, though. I mean, seriously. 236 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,074 I mean, you get signals off a man. 237 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,351 Oh, right, he doesn't fancy you, so he's gay. 238 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,356 No. Although, that's also a fact. 239 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,277 He just doesn't kind of... 240 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,355 Iook. 241 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,473 When you're with him there's something kind of... off. I don't... I don't know. 242 00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:46,556 Do you really think he might be? 243 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:47,874 I think he might not know. 244 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:49,876 - Oh... - And I think you deserve a bit of fun. 245 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,558 Why don't you ask him out? 246 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,154 Anyway. I need that finished. 247 00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,633 Ask him. 248 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,679 Hi. 249 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:15,475 What? 250 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,319 I don't get you. 251 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,476 - What? - It's Thursday afternoon! 252 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:21,669 Oh... 253 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:22,789 I can put this up in no time... 254 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,592 Hello! Sorry. 255 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,595 Hi there. 256 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:26,640 Can we help you? 257 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:28,477 No, thanks. I'm fine. 258 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:31,557 This is just Henry, he was passing, he's just collecting some stuff. 259 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,431 Right, I'm Donald, hello. 260 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,835 I brought this one into the world, for my sins. 261 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,996 I hope he's not any trouble. Are you the landlord? 262 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,508 No. No, I'm not. 263 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,437 - What am I missing? - Oh, and this is Claire. 264 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:45,040 Hi. You must be Freddie's mum. 265 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:47,196 Anyway. He's... He's just going. 266 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,240 Am I? 267 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,555 Might as well. Yeah, we've got... 268 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,114 things to do. So... See you later. 269 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,309 Nice to meet you. 270 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,748 OK. 271 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:03,036 Although. I don't have far to go. Do I? 272 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:04,559 Considering... 273 00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,600 I live here. 274 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,598 They're amazing flats, aren't they? 275 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:12,076 I can't decide whether it's a penthouse or a deathtrap. 276 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,588 Oh! 277 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,677 It's all a bit suspicious, though, the, um, the rent - 278 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,073 it's way too low. 279 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:21,553 How much do you pay for yours? 280 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,477 Same as Freddie. 281 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,794 So, which flat are you in? 282 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:25,670 This one. 283 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,790 - This block? - No, this flat. 284 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,751 You live here? 285 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:30,994 I live in this flat. 286 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,439 Right. I see. 287 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,596 - He lives with you? - Not with me! 288 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,712 No. It's not permanent, he's got a house of his own. 289 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:43,038 So, what's this, then, his city-centre pied-à-terre? Used for what? 290 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:45,389 I lived here first! With Dean. 291 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:48,512 And Dean's all of 19, isn't he? 292 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:49,675 So, where do you sleep, then? 293 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,029 - Oh... - I've got my own room, over there. 294 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,355 I should bloody well hope so! I wouldn't imagine otherwise! 295 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,719 How old are you? 296 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,988 Oh, Jesus. 297 00:13:57,040 --> 00:14:00,396 Hey! If it's all so innocent, why did you lie about him? 298 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:01,839 It's not the first time, is it? 299 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:04,440 I didn't lie about anything. And I'm 46, if you must know. 300 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:05,708 I'm 45! 301 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,113 We could be mates! 302 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:09,754 So, what is a man who is 46 years old doing 303 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,234 living here? With boys? 304 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,238 My husband's got a point. What exactly are you doing here? 305 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:16,474 I live here. 306 00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:17,509 That's not answering the question. 307 00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,596 Who are you? And what do you do? 308 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:20,868 All sorts of things. 309 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:23,275 - And what does that mean? - All sorts of things. 310 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:26,756 What was your name, Henry? Answer me this, Henry. 311 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,995 46 years old. 312 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,873 Do you have any idea what you look like? 313 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:36,277 Actually, I look like a man who is not remotely beholden to you, 314 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:38,754 and right now, I'm going to my room, where I live. 315 00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:42,190 So, Mr Baxter, Mrs Baxter. 316 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:43,878 Fuck off! 317 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,158 Well, that's impressive(!) 318 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,830 - Who is he? - Oh, just leave it! 319 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:59,713 Don't give me that! Who is he?! 320 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:03,116 - Does he go into your room? - Is that? 321 00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:06,080 - Is Christopher anything to do with this? - For God's sake, just shut up! 322 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,953 So that, rather than creating unemployment, 323 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,118 the robotics industry is actually creating another million jobs, 324 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,593 but we can't rely on that for ever. 325 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,518 But, for me, the main ethical issues are really concerned with 326 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:26,439 human care or human killing. So, for instance, 327 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,552 in Japan where there's really a lot... 328 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,875 ...of old people and not so many young people, 329 00:15:31,920 --> 00:15:35,469 so who's going to look after the old people? 330 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,398 Well, the Japanese idea is to have robots look after them. 331 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,510 Myself, as I get older... 332 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,468 But this whole Tomasz thing, 333 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,398 you and him, on the videos, no-one says anything, at school, or? 334 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:03,830 Nah, this one boy took the piss, but Tomasz decked him. 335 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:05,199 We're just snogging. 336 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,390 Everyone thinks it's funny and the girls think it's hot. 337 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:08,714 Ha! A new world. 338 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,433 We do muck about a bit, you know? 339 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,471 Right. What does that mean? 340 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,669 We jerk off together. 341 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,392 Oh, my God, don't tell me that! 342 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,759 Everyone does it. 343 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,633 Do they? I mean, really, though, do they? Is that what happens now? 344 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,079 I dunno. 345 00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:24,315 He sucked me off last week, that was a laugh. 346 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:25,952 Oh, bloody hell, Adam! 347 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,479 What's the big deal?! 348 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,676 Well, it's not, if you say so. 349 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,952 - You sound disappointed. - No, I'm not. I'm really not. 350 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,194 As long as you're OK. It's just... 351 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,832 He wants me to suck him off now. 352 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:39,518 We're going to this party, Friday night, 353 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,074 he says we could go back to his and I could... 354 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,394 nosh him off. 355 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,238 I dunno. It does feel a bit gay. 356 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,511 You don't have to. You know that, don't you? 357 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,516 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 358 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,073 You're weird! 359 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:55,918 You're acting like it's bad news. 360 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,439 You, of all people! 361 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,555 Hello, boys. 362 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:13,559 Nervous? 363 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:20,671 This pair of tweezers appeared. Overnight. New tweezers. Now, 364 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,518 I'm in charge of everything that exists in this house. I thought, 365 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,073 '"That's Molly. 366 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:28,510 '"She's 12, she's looking after herself, that's fine. 367 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:33,588 '"We've already got tweezers, but she's bought her own. OK.'" 368 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,757 This pair was kind of hidden, at the back of the shelf. 369 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,438 But... still. Fine. 370 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:39,674 I bought you those mugs! 371 00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,358 I know. 372 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,198 You can't just give things back. If you're returning stuff, 373 00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,276 - I'll have that 3,000 quid from the roof. - But then I thought, 374 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:49,198 '"She's hiding herself, my daughter, 375 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,629 '"a little bit, coming out of the bathroom. 376 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,719 '"And that's OK, she's at that age, she's getting shy, I don't mind.'" 377 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,513 At the back of my head, I kept thinking, 378 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:00,232 '"When did I last see her naked? 379 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:05,479 '"Maybe about six months ago. But... that's OK.'" 380 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:11,359 And then I found out what the tweezers were for. 381 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,475 She is using the tweezers to pluck herself. 382 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,078 She is plucking her vagina. 383 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,157 The moment a hair appears, she pulls it out. 384 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,476 She is raw, down there. She is raw. 385 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,476 And do you know how I found out? 386 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:42,999 Because I looked on her phone. 387 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,234 And there they are. 388 00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,429 All her photos. 389 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:49,632 12 years old and she's giving regular updates on her vagina. 390 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,319 To the boys. All the boys. Any boy who wants it. 391 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,351 Because that's what they do now, the boys, 392 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,551 they tell a girl she's dirty if she's got hairs, 393 00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,160 they tell her she's filthy, they tell her she smells, 394 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:05,911 so she's literally pulling out every new hair, the second it appears. 395 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,794 With her tweezers. The tweezers at the back of the shelf. 396 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:13,913 And then she photographs herself, because that's her currency, 397 00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:19,398 that's who she is, that photo dictates who she is and where she ranks. 398 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,670 On the league table. Of vaginas. 399 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,073 Jesus! 400 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:29,955 They sit there, that little gang of girls, all her mates, 401 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,468 ever since they were eight and nine years old, 402 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,078 they've been sitting in this house, 403 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:36,190 saying, ' "No boy's ever gonna tell me what to do.'" 404 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:40,199 And then they hit puberty and it's like someone flicks a switch. 405 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:44,392 All of a sudden, a boy can walk into the room and they become slaves. 406 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:49,673 On the spot. They are enslaved to him, like it's genetic. 407 00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:52,792 And there's nothing I can do to stop it. 408 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,671 - Nothing. - I'm sorry. 409 00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:00,233 I've not been paying you enough attention. I know that. But... 410 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:03,709 Bless her, is she OK? 411 00:22:03,760 --> 00:22:08,117 She's upstairs. Crying. Grounded, along with her brother, now. 412 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:09,639 D'you want me to have a word? 413 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:10,908 You can tell her it's your fault. 414 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,040 Hey. Look, that stuff in the house was out of line... 415 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:15,913 That stuff in our mother's house. 416 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:19,555 OK, all right. But... Molly? 417 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:22,992 That's got nothing to do with me! 418 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:24,712 Is that what you think? 419 00:22:27,120 --> 00:22:31,591 So it's nothing to do with you when a boy comes up to Molly in the yard 420 00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,278 and shoves his hand up her skirt 421 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,357 and grabs hold of her bald little fanny like he's got every right, 422 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:41,190 because it's funny, it is hilarious, all thanks to you, Henry, 423 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:45,438 because now he can shove his hand down her pants and ask her if she's nervous! 424 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,995 I didn't think. 425 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:00,278 They're children. 426 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,594 You have to think. 427 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,198 All the time. 428 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:13,831 You're chucking everything away. 429 00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:15,518 Do not lose me. 430 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:18,840 Now get out. 431 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,430 Oh, my God, Mr B, you're a dark horse! 432 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:05,879 Scotty said you had a porn empire, 433 00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,040 in your dead mother's house. That's unbelievably sick. 434 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:09,832 It wasn't quite like that. 435 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,632 I can't believe you left me out! 436 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:14,069 If you wanted boys wanking off on camera, I was born for that, 437 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:15,348 I've filmed myself loads of times. 438 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,118 - No, thank you, Dean. - Have a look. 439 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,709 No, really, thank you. And they weren't... 440 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,795 wanking off. 441 00:24:21,840 --> 00:24:23,751 You weren't there all the time. 442 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,472 - Oh. Really? - That Tomasz kid, 443 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,192 he was touching up Meatballs. 444 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:29,674 Well, they're all grounded now, thank God. 445 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:32,120 Meatballs?! 446 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:33,593 Anyway, I'm not back till tomorrow. 447 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,074 I'm off to this thing in Crewe, with the nudists. 448 00:24:36,120 --> 00:24:38,031 A naked barbecue, it's asking for trouble. 449 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,399 I've got to drive him all the way there, 450 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,795 then drive all the way back so I can go to work! 451 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,239 I hope he appreciates you. 452 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,793 I do! I love her, don't I, Scotts? 453 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:45,989 He does, he loves me. 454 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:47,678 - See ya, then! - Bye! 455 00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:22,799 Yes? 456 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:23,840 Hello. 457 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,073 Is that it? 458 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:29,918 I just wanted to say sorry. About your mum and dad. 459 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,394 You pissed them off. 460 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,470 And that's brilliant! 461 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,080 Dad's climbing the walls. 462 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,758 It's the best thing you ever did. 463 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,313 D'you want some of this? 464 00:25:42,360 --> 00:25:43,918 Um... 465 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,110 My mother gave us a whole crate. 466 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,550 Well, she gave it to me. 467 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:51,830 But I am democratic. 468 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,673 I'm going out. 469 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,278 She asked about... 470 00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,636 ...a teacher from my school. 471 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,438 Mr Pascoe. 472 00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,359 Left his job and his wife overnight, apparently. 473 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,949 My mother said, ' "He taught you, did you hear anything? '" 474 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:16,393 I said, ' "No, that's weird, he was nice.'" 475 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,078 Come and celebrate! 476 00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:29,560 What the hell. 477 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:35,799 Here we go. 478 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:37,910 Nice place. 479 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:39,109 Very nice. 480 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,391 Yeah, we've been here six years, although... 481 00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:43,793 it's just me now. 482 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,159 So, this is it. 483 00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,350 I haven't done anything complicated, 484 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,630 I've just got some nice fillet steak, if that's OK? 485 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:51,830 - It's just the two of us? - Yeah. 486 00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:53,154 OK. 487 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:54,872 - Didn't I say? - I dunno. 488 00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:56,273 Can't we get a takeaway? 489 00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:57,275 I've got steaks. 490 00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,598 What, and potato dauphinoise? It's a bit sort of... 491 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,995 sweet. I mean. For fuck. 492 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,080 - Have you got Sky? - Yeah. 493 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,031 - Have you got movies? - Yeah. 494 00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:08,760 Let's just watch a film and get a Chinese. 495 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:13,595 That's fine. That's great. I've got a menu in the kitchen. 496 00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:16,313 - And... d'you want a glass? - I will. I'll be civilised. 497 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:20,994 Won't be long! 498 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:07,190 Him! 499 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:08,468 OK. I can see he's handsome. 500 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:09,714 He's amazing. 501 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,637 I get that. Be fair. I'd do him. 502 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:12,829 I'd watch. 503 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:13,949 You dirty bastard. 504 00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:19,155 I was quite old, I was 19. Is that old? 505 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:21,480 Who was he? 506 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:25,195 His name was James. It wasn't anything special. 507 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:26,753 This big party. 508 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,631 A friend's house in Sale, everyone drunk, 509 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,797 we started out in that bedroom that's always full of coats, 510 00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:34,559 then we thought, ' "Not a good idea.'" 511 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,276 So we found this little boxroom. 512 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,993 All a bit... frantic. 513 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,473 No, thanks. 514 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:45,749 I was 14. 515 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:50,835 We used to go to this pub, in Denton, it's closed now, 516 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:52,836 - there was a shooting. - You posh boys(!) 517 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,440 Yeah! Roughing it! 518 00:28:57,680 --> 00:28:59,716 The landlord knew we were 14, he invited us in. 519 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,036 Free drinks. After hours. I realise now. 520 00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,360 I didn't care - I was 14, I wanted to do it with anyone. 521 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,399 So I did it with him, in the yard. 522 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,272 How old was he? 523 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:15,117 30s. 35... 36... 524 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,550 - An older man. - Mm-hm. 525 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:20,636 There's always an older man. 526 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:25,555 He'd be my age now. 527 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:27,352 I'd do him again, if I saw him. 528 00:29:27,400 --> 00:29:29,118 In his 40s? 529 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:31,160 Yeah. 530 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:40,795 It's Friday night, we should go out on the piss, go and get laid. 531 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:42,637 I'm not moving. I'm full. 532 00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:43,795 We can't just waste it! 533 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,752 You go out. I've had a good time, I'm fine. 534 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,153 It's not like she even noticed, is it? 535 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,237 All the signs, staring at her, not a fucking clue. 536 00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:52,395 Who? 537 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,795 I couldn't have been more obvious! Cathy. Catherine. 538 00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,070 All those times I was fucking about like crazy, 539 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,190 my wife didn't even notice! 540 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,719 I mean, what the fuck was I supposed to do?! 541 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,830 All right. Calm down. 542 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:04,677 - That's nothing to do with me, OK? - Why'd you ask me here? 543 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,517 Cos we're mates. 544 00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:07,560 D'you fancy me? 545 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:09,919 - Oh, don't do that. - I mean it, though. 546 00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,190 Otherwise you're not being fair. Do you fancy me? 547 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:14,834 It's kind of obvious, isn't it? 548 00:30:14,880 --> 00:30:15,880 Is that a yes? 549 00:30:16,800 --> 00:30:17,869 Yes! 550 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,990 Oh, you pussy. 551 00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:23,314 Piss off! 552 00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:24,793 D'you have a wank over me? 553 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,036 - That's enough. - I fancy Jane, at work, 554 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,514 I toss off, thinking about her, it's the most natural thing in the world. 555 00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:32,073 So do you? Wank? Thinking about me? 556 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,031 Well, of course I do. 557 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,559 Oh, man! 558 00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:36,794 It doesn't mean anything! 559 00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,558 What do we do? In the wank? 560 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:40,477 - Shut up! - No, but what do we do? 561 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,351 I dunno. We... 562 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:45,159 ...have a Chinese and watch a film. 563 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,838 Ha-ha(!) And then what? 564 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,112 And then you fuck my arse, Daniel. 565 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,000 You fuck me all over the house, all night long. 566 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,235 Never gonna happen. 567 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:56,508 I know. 568 00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:57,595 Never gonna happen, mate. 569 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:03,114 Why not? 570 00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,157 Who's gonna know? Cos, look, 571 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,316 you'll go home tonight and have a wank over Jane. 572 00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,953 Why not have more? 573 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:15,752 Why not have the works? 574 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,553 Why not go all the way and have a fuck with someone 575 00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:20,318 who could work you like magic, 576 00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:23,511 so you're walking around on Saturday morning, like, ' "Yes! '" 577 00:31:23,560 --> 00:31:24,675 Remember that? 578 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:26,711 The morning after a fuck? 579 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:29,957 Who doesn't want that? 580 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,509 You've got me hard now. 581 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,312 What shall I do? 582 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,271 What d'you want me to do? 583 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,997 Don't take the piss out of me. 584 00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,268 Fuck it! 585 00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:19,960 Stay there. 586 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:44,880 No. 587 00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:48,309 Oh, come on. 588 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,237 Don't. 589 00:32:50,280 --> 00:32:52,111 - I'm so hard. - Fucking don't! 590 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:00,472 Hands by your sides. 591 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:01,589 I'm so hard. 592 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:02,959 Hands by your sides. 593 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:06,553 Yeah. 594 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,389 Come on, then. 595 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,552 What a great cock. 596 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:25,874 Shut up. 597 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:27,592 That is such a good cock. 598 00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:28,834 Stop it. 599 00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,791 I want to suck that cock, yeah. 600 00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:32,909 Shut the fuck up! 601 00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:36,313 Ugh... 602 00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:37,634 Ohh! 603 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,193 That'll do. 604 00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:51,719 Nice. 605 00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:53,478 You happy? 606 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,397 - Is it my turn now? - No way. 607 00:33:57,480 --> 00:33:59,948 You can lick that up, you fucking dog. 608 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:06,917 Oh, he was the best sex of my life. 609 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,154 You're only 24. 610 00:34:09,560 --> 00:34:11,471 He was from Halifax. 611 00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,318 Mmm! Student nurse. 612 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,590 It was like we just locked. 613 00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,269 Y'know, like... when he's fucking you, 614 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:22,550 it can take a while, at the start, 615 00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,034 cos you've got to kind of... sync. 616 00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,399 Not him. 617 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,398 He went inside me like a machine. 618 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,035 Literally, he was shafting me like a fucking piston, 619 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:34,832 and then we flipped it and I fucked him and... 620 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,757 Ohh... 621 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,836 Oh, man! 622 00:34:47,280 --> 00:34:49,589 I've got such a hard-on. 623 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,552 It's been a good week for me. 624 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,273 How do you mean? 625 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:19,278 Fucking my dads off. 626 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,997 You can go. 627 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,320 Yeah. 628 00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:04,680 - I'll see you at work, then. - Yeah. 629 00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:09,598 We could do that again. If you wanted. 630 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:11,392 I was just having a laugh, y'know? 631 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:12,714 Great. 632 00:36:13,800 --> 00:36:14,994 Lf... that's OK? 633 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,110 I'd like it. 634 00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:18,275 I'd like it a lot. 635 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,752 Thanks. 636 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:28,040 See you soon. 637 00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,039 Hi there. 638 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:23,794 Hello. 639 00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,515 Right, do you want a... a coffee? I mean, another one, or? 640 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:28,560 No, I'm fine. 641 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,678 Right. Two ticks. 642 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,835 What can I get you? 643 00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:39,871 Erm, a... a... skinny latte, thanks. 644 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,273 Regular. 645 00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:56,514 You know what you should do, don't you? 646 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,039 I'll tell you what you should do! 647 00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,274 You know what to do, don't you? 648 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:00,560 Do you know what you should do? 649 00:38:04,360 --> 00:38:05,998 Go home. 650 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:06,995 Go home! 651 00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,040 Just go home. 652 00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,718 Go home. 653 00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:21,317 One day, the entire human race will come to an end 654 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:24,079 and the earth will be reduced to a desolate wilderness, 655 00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,429 and do you know why? 656 00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,869 We'll be killed off by a virus. 657 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,309 And do you know where that virus will come from? 658 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:34,269 A coffee shop. 659 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,950 It will mutate inside that filthy little rag they use to wipe the steamer. 660 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,309 Those things are filthy! 661 00:38:48,720 --> 00:38:50,711 Marie had a go at me on Facebook. 662 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:52,955 - Good. - She's just snide. 663 00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:55,360 She loves me. 664 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:01,718 So... how's the flat? How's life with Freddie? 665 00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:05,639 It's good. We're... getting on. 666 00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:09,434 We're kind of friends, now, it's like we all just kind of... 667 00:39:09,480 --> 00:39:11,869 And how's things with this new boyfriend of yours? 668 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:14,429 Who told you? 669 00:39:14,480 --> 00:39:15,674 Cleo. 670 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:17,950 She sounded pissed off. What's been going on? 671 00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:20,434 Maybe she should lead her own life, instead of chasing after mine. 672 00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:21,959 So, how old is he? 673 00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:25,356 He's not really a boyfriend, it's just a... thing, it wasn't even... 674 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:26,549 She said he's 40, is that right? 675 00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:28,113 I've finished with him. 676 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:29,229 But he was 40? 677 00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:30,998 He's gone. 678 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,831 The funny thing is, he was such a Tory. Can you imagine Cleo? 679 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,836 Can you imagine me?! 680 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:40,030 - Cos he said... - You left me, to run around 681 00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,274 with boys in their 20s, 682 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:42,753 little blond boys in their pants. 683 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,519 That makes sense, I get it, best of luck to you, Henry, great. 684 00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,118 But if you're going out with someone who's 40, 685 00:39:47,160 --> 00:39:48,912 why aren't you going out with me? 686 00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:55,040 I think... 687 00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:57,840 Technically... 688 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,436 ...I didn't leave you. I... 689 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:02,674 I walked away 690 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,109 - when you... - All right, 691 00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,880 whatever you say, Henry. Whatever, whatever! 692 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,832 And he's gone. 693 00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:11,074 I don't care! 694 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:15,790 Except, clearly, you do. 695 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,637 I'll just stop talking, 696 00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:19,800 because you've got to have the last word, haven't you? 697 00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:22,880 So if I don't say anything, then you can't, can you? 698 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,469 I asked her if you gave any money to those boys. She said, ' "Yes.'" 699 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:35,637 - You paid the rent for that kid - Dean. - Once! 700 00:40:35,680 --> 00:40:38,035 It was £400, that's all, 701 00:40:38,080 --> 00:40:40,355 - it was an unpaid bill. - Well, then, 702 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,231 I'm not giving you your money back. 703 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,748 If that's why you wanted to meet me, I'm not. 704 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:46,597 No. 705 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:47,789 That's not why. 706 00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:49,880 Although... 707 00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:51,956 since you introduced the subject, let me say, 708 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:54,036 - it is definitely my money! - Yes, 709 00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:57,197 and I'm not gonna let you throw it away on stupid little boys. 710 00:40:57,240 --> 00:41:00,118 If you get your life together, I can keep giving you an allowance, 711 00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:02,080 and then, in six months, we can look at it again. 712 00:41:02,120 --> 00:41:04,395 Because we'll have to sort out the house by then. 713 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:05,793 In what way? 714 00:41:05,840 --> 00:41:07,592 I want to buy your half, I suppose. 715 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:11,235 And that depends on work, if I can move up a level. 716 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,280 Right. 717 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:17,751 You've really planned this. 718 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:19,552 Yeah. 719 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:24,679 It's not about the money. 720 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:27,713 So, why did you want to see me? 721 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:28,954 Although it really is mine. 722 00:41:29,000 --> 00:41:30,752 Henry, what do you want? 723 00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,038 I suppose... 724 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:37,274 I was thinking... 725 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,195 Oh, it's all been a bit... 726 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:43,873 ...mental. 727 00:41:45,240 --> 00:41:47,356 And... 728 00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:49,118 I sort of got... 729 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:53,514 ...lost... to be honest. 730 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,758 It's funny, cos someone asked me, the other day, they said, 731 00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:58,835 ' "Do you know what you should do? '" 732 00:41:58,880 --> 00:42:00,233 I've met someone. 733 00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,034 OK. 734 00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,513 He's nice. 735 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:06,989 Good. 736 00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:18,920 Who is he? 737 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,109 Just... 738 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,476 ...this bloke. - Not that man from the date? 739 00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:24,520 No, someone else. 740 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,913 How old? 741 00:42:25,960 --> 00:42:27,916 36. Early days. Might be nothing. 742 00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:30,798 But he's mad, he's completely mad. 743 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,116 God, I'd forgotten how mad men can be. 744 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:36,993 And... I mean, he's insane. 745 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,432 But I think there's a chance. 746 00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:45,755 Are... Are you actually going out? 747 00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:48,519 We're sort of... circling. 748 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,110 But he wants more, I think. 749 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:53,434 I do. 750 00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:56,192 That's what I'd forgotten - the adrenaline. 751 00:42:56,240 --> 00:42:58,231 When a man gets inside and fills your head and... 752 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:01,359 He is... 753 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:04,040 ...beautiful. 754 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:06,918 Seriously. 755 00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,393 That's good(!) 756 00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:13,518 I can see why you did it. 757 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:14,913 Chasing after Freddie. 758 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:17,911 You make sense now! 759 00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:19,075 Thank you. 760 00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,955 It's still so important, after all these years. 761 00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:24,353 Cock. 762 00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:31,760 Sorry. 763 00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:34,796 What for? 764 00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:35,875 You know. 765 00:43:37,800 --> 00:43:39,472 We had all that time, and... 766 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:43,999 We had brilliant times. 767 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,553 Yeah, we did. 768 00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:47,955 - We did so many things together. - Yeah! 769 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:53,396 And there's so many things we didn't do. 770 00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,990 You told me to wait. I told you I wouldn't. 771 00:43:58,040 --> 00:43:59,553 And... 772 00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:00,919 here we are. 773 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:03,838 No, it's great, cos it's... 774 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:06,953 If you think... 775 00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,479 All the things we ever... 776 00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,878 You know... 777 00:44:11,920 --> 00:44:13,638 I mean... 778 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:16,831 Good times and... 779 00:44:16,880 --> 00:44:18,836 more of them! 780 00:44:20,360 --> 00:44:21,679 I was just... 781 00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:24,760 ...kind of... 782 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,552 - Have you seen Raymond recently? - No, 783 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,352 but I called him. He's OK, 784 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,152 he's not dying after all. 785 00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:36,720 I never thought he was. He's an idiot! 786 00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,236 Is that why you wanted to see me? 787 00:44:41,280 --> 00:44:42,599 Raymond's health? 788 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,192 No. 789 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:48,912 So, what was it? 790 00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:56,716 It was about the money. 791 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:01,954 OK. 792 00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:03,000 So? 793 00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,550 We'll have a look. 794 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,079 In six months. 795 00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:09,439 That's not fair. 796 00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:14,640 Are we done? 797 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:21,197 I think so. 798 00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:26,115 I'll give you a call. 799 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:31,439 Nice to see you. 800 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:32,515 And you. 801 00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:35,637 Good luck. 802 00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:38,319 - He's lucky. - Yeah, 803 00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:39,634 he is. 53647

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