Original subtitles

Ah! Ah!

Oh.

You know what, Jack?

I can't have this conversation with you.

Either sell me your share of the house, or I'm moving out and selling you mine.

But let's stop going back and forth on this.

I can't live under the same roof as you anymore.

What are you doing?

I spilled wine on my shirt.

So you took your shirt off in the middle of the party?

Bad idea.

Bad idea.

You know what? I'm sure Kim has a shirt you can borrow.

And I've left Enrique alone long enough, so good night, boys.

I really have to go pee.

Abby!

We were just talking.

Abby, wait, please.

Here. Where are you going?

I'm going home.

Can you give me a ride?

What happened to Mr. Douche?

Turns out he's a douche.

And don't gloat about being right, because Bill sucks that you're right.

I'm right. No gloating.

Come on, Mark.

Time to go home.

If you came up here to say I told you so, you can leave.

I already told you. I'm not going to say that.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

It was only one date.

Plus, if he hooks up with girls like Rachel, there's volumes about him.

Hey, even I hooked up with Rachel.

Case in point.

Touche. I mean, why am I such an asshole magnet?

I don't know.

You're an asshole.

Why did you date me?

I dated you because you're beautiful, you're smart, you're funny,

you're creative, you smell incredible, and you're sweet, and you're sexy,

and... And?

I think I said enough.

Do you think I'll ever meet a nice guy to settle down with?

I certainly hope not.

Hi.

Hi, Mark.

Yeah, I know. I'm going to drive you home in just a second.

Oh, it's okay. I just was saying if you guys want a nice glass of milk.

Oh, no, thank you.

I'll be right down.

No problem. You know I can just always stay on the sofa.

No!

It's okay. I'll really be right down in a second.

Okay.

Night -night, Abby.

Good night, Mark.

You know what's funny? What?

Now he's a nice guy.

Don't say that. I'll stay single forever.

Try to get some sleep.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm not gonna let this bring me down.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna get right back on the saddle and start dating again.

Everyone. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs before you can find your prince.

And there's a guy out there for me.

And not a crazy milkman like the guy downstairs, but a nice, smart,

solid guy.

Do you think it's possible to be friends with an ex, or is that relationship

doomed to always being complicated?

Sincerely, an ex -girlfriend in Chicago.

Dear ex -girlfriend, I'd be lying if I said that relationships with exes can be

easy, but I think that in time they can be possible.

The first step is asking yourself if you're really ready to just be friends

next. You need to accept the fact that that relationship is actually over, And

recognize the fact that if you two were really meant to be together, you would

still be together.

Just make sure before you go down that road that your heart is fully healed and

that you're really over your ex.

If you're still holding on to hope or if you're still completely in love with

them, you might find yourself doing really irrational and stupid things.

Also understand that when you're friends with an ex, one day they might meet

someone else.

And you won't be that special person in their life anymore.

And are you really ready to accept any role in their world?

Mail. Mock up of today's column.

Morning coffee.

No flowers.

What happened to you?

Nothing. Why?

Well, you look like shit.

You're hungover.

And it's Friday.

She met someone, didn't she?

Who?

Who?

God, do you know who I'm talking about?

Am I right?

Yeah.

And the worst part about it?

He's a nice guy.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

So, are you going to move out?

Why would I do that?

Because, Jack, it's the right thing to do.

I know.

Well... I'm here if you need anything, okay?

Is that my shirt?

It is.

It looked nice on you.

Did you see that?

She liked the shirt on me.

She did?

Man.

Suddenly, I feel hopeful.

Good. You know, suddenly I feel like I really might have a shot with her.

You might.

You know, thank you for all your support, man. You've always been there

Good night, Kim.

Have a good weekend.

You too, Jack.

I'll try.

You know what I'm sick of?

You scared me.

Sorry, but it's important.

Okay. What are you sick of?

I'm sick of pretending like something's okay and it's not. And instead he just

walks around like nothing's the matter and everything's okay and, you know,

trying to act all cool and... Do you understand what I'm saying?

No.

Which part?

Firstly, you've never really been the cool guy.

It isn't going at all how I planned.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Look, I'm just going to say it, okay?

I like you.

I really like you. And the shirt that I'm wearing, this is your shirt.

And I got it from your house with that party you had over a month ago.

And I haven't given it back because it smells like you. And I really like that.

And I just had to tell you how I feel. And it's okay if you don't feel the same

way that I feel.

I didn't tell you how I feel, then it wouldn't be fair to myself. And I just

don't care anymore.

And, you know, you're so beautiful.

You're so smart.

And it's just amazing to me that you're still single.

What was that for?

I've been waiting a long time to hear you say those things to me.

You've just been waiting for me to say that this whole time and you felt the

exact same way?

Were you just trying to torture me?

Well, I figure after tonight you'll realize that it was all worth it.

I'm the one answering the questions sent in by my readers.

But today, I'm going to do something a little bit different.

I'm going to send out a question in hopes that one particular reader can

my questions.

Dear Abby, For the past five years, I've helped couples struggle with a wide

variety of issues and worked through problems they might be having with the

person that means the most to them.

By all accounts, it seems that I've been somewhat successful.

My readers have been nothing but loyal and grateful for the advice I've

dispensed.

And yet, when I reflect on my own problems with the person who means the

me, I'm somehow left without any answers.

Only questions.

Things like, is there a way for me to right the wrongs I did to you?

Things like, do you really think I'm as big of a jerk as you say I am?

Things like, will you be sad when you get home tonight and realize that I've

decided the best thing I could possibly give you is your freedom?

That's right.

I'm doing it.

I'm moving out.

I'm giving you the house.

No need to deal with real estate agents or lawyers.

It's yours.

It's the least I can do for the heartache I caused.

Sometimes the best thing in life comes from letting something go.

If my letting you go can give you the planted happiness you've always wanted

with a knife guy, then maybe in some small way, I'll have redeemed myself.

Where are you going?

Oh, I'm... Mark's moving in with Kimberly, actually, so...

I'm taking over the lease of the department.

They're moving in together?

Yeah. They hooked up last week.

And the rest is history.

That's amazing.

I'm so happy for them.

Yeah.

He's... He's a nice guy.

You're moving out.

That's kind of sudden, isn't it?

It is.

You've been wanting me out of your hair for the longest time.

I think it's been a long time coming.

Did you mean everything you said in your column?

Every word.

You know, you pretend to be such an asshole, but you're a total romantic

zapjack.

I know.

Promise you won't tell anyone?

I promise.

The place is all yours, Abby.

You know what's funny?

Sometimes when you get what you think you've always wanted, you realize you

never really wanted it at all.

If you had moved out when we first broke up, I would have stood there and begged

you to stay.

You would have begged.

Don't gloat.

It's all yours.

Well, before you go, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Will you move in with me?

What? I miss you.

But I haven't even been gone yet.

I know. I didn't mean to say I miss you. I meant to miss us.

I miss her too.

You're moving with me?

Oh.