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Dear Jack, I have been married for only nine months, and sadly, it feels like

the honeymoon is already over.

What began as a very healthy and very exciting sexual relationship has evolved

into more of a platonic friendship.

This isn't something I ever thought could happen to us, but I'm worried that

husband no longer finds me attractive.

In his defense, he does work very long hours at a law firm.

and when he gets home at night, he barely has time to even hug me before

head hits the pillow and he's fast asleep.

I'm a stay -at -home wife, so I don't experience that same draining feeling he

does after a long day of work, but I'm not sure what exactly I can do to make

things better.

I love him, and I don't want to just accept the fact that once you get

the honeymoon is over.

Regards, Frustrated in Phoenix.

Dear Frustrated in Phoenix, Lots of couples experience lulls in their sex

and that doesn't mean that the love isn't still there, and it doesn't mean

he no longer finds you attractive.

Perhaps one of the reasons why your husband works such long hours is to

you with a life that he thinks you truly deserve.

Perhaps that is his way of showing you just how much he truly loves you.

What I suggest you do, rather than assume that this route you've found

in is somehow the end of your sexual road together, that you look at it as a

potential for a new beginning.

What better way to express your gratitude to your husband for being such

provider than to amp up your sex life?

Given that he usually comes home exhausted at the end of the day, why not

on the romance in the morning while he's getting ready for work?

The only thing sexier to a man than morning sex is a woman initiating the

morning sex.

I can almost guarantee you positive results.

Good luck.

You're such a tease.

Definitely.

Thank you.

mock -up of this week's column, morning coffee, and mysterious bouquet of

flowers.

Don't worry, it's not from one of your girlfriends, it's from one of your

readers.

Apparently your female words of wisdom really helped you out in her

relationship.

Yeah, because flowers are the best way to thank a man for all he's done.

Well, she did thank her husband, and, you know, that's what matters.

And this is coming from a woman with marital sex problems.

Isn't that every married couple?

You are such a pessimist.

I'm a realist.

You know, it's amazing how you seem to fool everyone into thinking that you are

a romantic.

I am a romantic.

What was that for?

What? The eyebrow raising.

Nothing.

You don't think I'm romantic?

Yeah, no.

Not really.

Romantics don't hire interns just because they've run out of women in the

to sleep with.

You're right.

I'm really looking forward to your party tonight.

She hates me, doesn't she?

Why does she hate me? What did I do?

I think you're trying too hard, dude.

Is it that obvious?

Yeah. Man, I just get so nervous around her. She is the perfect woman.

You know, she's smart and funny and sexy and beautiful.

She just came to me, man.

You going to her party tonight?

No. What do you mean, no? I was supposed to go with you.

Why don't you go with one of those guys from the obituary sections?

I'm sure they don't have dates.

Yeah, but I'm supposed to go with you.

You know, you're the only one in the office you can even stand.

That's because she works for me.

Please, please, please. Why aren't you going?

Because Abby wanted to go.

It's been a few months since she quit.

She really misses you guys.

That's why I told her I wouldn't go.

Yeah, but you guys live together. You see each other every single day. I don't

understand why going to a party is such a big deal.

She's going to think I'm going to try and be a cock block.

She still likes you.

No, she doesn't.

Man, I was really looking forward to going to this party.

Then go, man.

I can't. Without you, she won't even talk with me.

I don't want to tell you, bro.

Okay.

What if I call her and ask if you can go to the party?

No.

Alright.

Dear Jack, what do you do when you're in love with someone that barely even

knows you exist?

Love, Invisible in Sacramento.

Dear Invisible in Sacramento, my question for you would be why you even

someone who barely knows you exist.

If that person can't see you for who you are and all that you are, then they're

probably not the best match for you to begin with.

Sometimes when you stop focusing on the person that is all wrong for you, A door

will open and you'll find someone standing there who's exactly right for

Hi, I'm here to pick up Abby.

Abby? Yeah, Abby Summers.

You got the wrong house.

I do?

Hmm, that's weird.

This is 4934 Erwin Street, though, right?

Yes.

So that's the address that she gave me.

Hmm.

Looks like she gave you the wrong address, man.

I'm sorry.

I doubt that.

Look, I'm telling you, no Abby Lynch here. I'm sorry.

Enrique?

Hi. Abby, hi.

Your roommate's messing with me, I think.

Oh, the old she -doesn't -live -here game?

Yeah, he does that.

It's the asshole in him.

Hi. Hi.

You look incredible.

Oh, thank you. You're not so bad yourself.

I clean up nicely.

Yeah, I see that.

But you, you are just, you're stunning.

Really stunning.

Thank you.

Well, I'm going to grab my purse and I will be right out.

Okay.

Please tell me you're not buying old wine.

Buying what?

Those lines he used on you. What lines?

You're stunning, really stunning.

You know, Jack, maybe he thought I really was stunning. Maybe it wasn't

some line.

No, those were lines.

Oh, God.

And the sad thing about it is, you believed him. Not every guy in the

world is an asshole, Jack.

Yeah, but he could be a serial killer. He's not a serial killer.

Matching couples.

Purple. How cute.

So where'd you meet this guy?

Hot yoga.

What do you care?

Hot yoga?

Yeah. You like flexible guys, huh?

Mm -hmm.

Let me guess how this all went down.

So you're dripping sweat all over your yoga mat.

You're wearing these skin -tight spandex.

You're doing that thing where you hook your ankles behind your neck.

So he slides over, and he thinks that you're this really nice girl that he'd

just love to get to know.

What happened to meeting guys the old -fashioned way, like at a bar or

something? I met you at a bar, and look how that turned out.

Now move.

You know, it's amazing.

You're supposed to be this expert on women, and yet you're an asshole 99 % of

the time. Yeah, but it's that 1 % that keeps you coming back for more.

Good night, Jack.

Fun at the party tonight.

You, uh, did say you weren't coming, right?

Trust me.

As much as I'd love to see this entire thing go down in flames, I'm perfectly

happy staying home. Good.

Don't wait up.

Ready? Yep. Let's go.

Hey,

Mark. You still up for Kim's party?

Do you really swim the entire English Channel?

Yes. How long did that take you?

About seven hours.

So you swam the entire English Channel in seven hours?

Yes. And the world record is just under seven hours.

Wow, so you almost beat the record.

Yes. That is so cool.

Thanks. How long did it take you to train for something like that?

A few weeks.

Oh my God, you're a man of steel.

A few weeks? That's such a short time. How did you do it?

I have always been naturally athletic.

I'm going to call you Iron Man from here on out.

Iron Man.

I like that.

I'm going to grab some soda.

Would you like, lady, something to drink?

A vodka on the rocks would be perfect.

And for you, Rachel?

I'm good, unless they can make me sex on the beach or something.

Will do.

Oh, God, he is delicious.

Where did you find him?

We met in yoga class.

Oh, yummy.

Have you guys fucked yet?

Rachel? What?

It's our first date. What are you waiting for?

I don't want to make the same mistake I did before.

You ended up getting engaged to the last guy you did that with.

Yeah, and the last guy I did that with was Jack, so no thank you.

I just think it's time for, like, a different approach.

Look, you have got to let a guy know when you like him.

He is too yummy. You cannot let a guy like that get out of your sight.

I don't think he's like that. Like, from what I know about him, he's really

sweet. He's so respectful, and he's really into monogamy.

Everything Jack isn't.

Jack was monogamous with me. He just has commitment issues.

Yeah.

Speak of the devil.

Are you serious?

He came. He told me he wasn't coming.

It looks like he already did.

Oh, my God.

Are you going to go talk to him? Of course I am.

All right, well, look, if I don't catch you later, it was really great seeing

you. You look fantastic.

And if you ever want to come back and cover another wedding story with the

paper, we would love to have you. All of us miss you so much. Oh, thanks, but

I'm not so sure weddings is where my life or career is going.

But thanks. Well, you never know.

Bye, hon.

Eddie, what's going on?

You know exactly what's going on.

Abby, I want you to meet the newest intern at the paper.

Caitlin. Caitlin!

Hi, Caitlin.

I'm going to steal this guy from you for just a second.

Sure.

You did not seriously follow me here.

So where's the douche?

Enrique is getting me a drink.

What are you doing here?

Abby, just in case you forgot, this party is being thrown for people that

at my company.

A company that you no longer work for.

So me being here is not completely unheard of.

You said you weren't coming.

Well, no.

I never promised you I wasn't coming.

I just said that I probably wouldn't.

But I changed my mind.

You're unbelievable, you know that?

Any chance that I might have at being happy with someone other than you, you

and ruin it.

You've been doing it with every single guy since we broke up.

How am I trying to ruin anything?

I wasn't even talking to you. I was standing there having a perfectly

evening with Karen.

Caitlin! Whatever. I was standing there having a perfectly enjoyable evening

with Caitlin. Until you walked up. You're the one that's creating problems.

Not me.

Okay, seriously, Jack? You have to stop doing this. This has to end.

What do you mean, this?

This. This thing between you and me.

We've been in this volatile thing ever since we broke up. And I think the

things keep resurfacing is because we're still living together.

Nobody does that. When you break up with someone, you move out. You don't stay

under the same roof.

What do you want me to say?

Sell me your share of the house. I don't even care if it's above market value.

I just want you out of there.

Why would I do that?

We've been over this 8 ,000 times, Jack. At some point, you're going to have to

give in.

At some point, I'm going to meet an amazing guy, and I'm going to want him

move in. And I can't do that with you living there. This isn't Three's

Trust me, nothing with that guy could ever be amazing.

Nothing in my life will ever be amazing, as long as you're still in it.

Well, I'm not moving out.

Fine. If you won't, then I will.

You're going to sell me your half.

What choice do I have? I mean, I love that house.

But I don't love that house with you in it.

So if you're going to be an asshole about it, then I have no other choice.

You seriously want to move out?

I seriously just want to move on.

So you really swam the entire English Channel in just seven hours?

I did.

Oh, my God. You must have incredible endurance.

I have been told.

Prove it.

What is Javi?

She's been at you to conversation with her ex -boyfriend and truck me. When

around, no one else exists.

She won't even know we're gone.

Come on.

But...

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Yeah,

it's beautiful.

Wow.

Come here.

Come here.

Magic fingers.