Original subtitles

I just went through a tough breakup and was feeling very low, just like a big

old pile of crap.

But as the great Angela Bassett once said, I'm Stella and I'm going to get my

groove back.

I deserve to be happy and I am going to put myself back out there. Well, lucky

me.

Matt is throwing his birthday party at a downtown lounge.

So I am going to go in, I'm going to have a few drinks, and I'm going to let

every available bachelor know that Big J is looking for a D.

A date.

Time to slay.

Oh, hey, hi.

What the is that?

What up? It's my birthday. Another trip around the sun, allegedly.

No, I think that's real.

But back home, we didn't recognize birthdays, so this is actually my first

celebrating it. I'm pretty stoked.

Got one of those posters that people can write funny birthday messages on.

Huh.

Looks like Kinko sent me the wrong one, but big day for Reginald. Congrats, bud.

That's right.

Yuck it up. My embarrassment is your sick entertainment.

Overdressed a tad, are we?

I thought Laser Lounge was going to be some kind of swanky cocktail lounge

filled with velvet and Russian chest hair. So much for getting my groove

Well, do what I do. You say happy birthday, get in a picture, prove you

there. Before you know it, you're back in the car racing Uber Eats to your

door. Oh, I can't do that.

That would be devastated if I left. I am his hero. Well, I'm going to be here 18

minutes.

And, wait, is that Space Invaders?

Before med school, I had a job at Gio's Pizza. They had a Space Invaders right

near the front. I played all the time.

Even got the high score.

Those were the days.

Young, free, not a care in the world.

I think that high score was probably the greatest moment in my life.

Didn't you get married and have kids?

I said what I said.

Why are you dressed like a stagehand? To blend in with the maze.

What, you think I'm going to wear white under a black light and expose my

position? I feel like you've been here, Serena.

I don't want people to think I've been here.

Oh, yeah, I know Laser Lounge very well.

Luke and Ella have birthday parties here almost every other week. They come,

they play, and I get to stand off to the side and hold the coats.

But not today.

Oh, no, today I'm going to make that maze my bitch.

What? He's not my kid.

Man, I never realized Matt had so many friends.

Yeah, well, he doesn't. I blasted his invite to the hospital WhatsApp, said

there'd be free food and cash prizes, and look at what happened.

Oh, my God, I'm so glad you made it.

And, um, I'm sorry, who are you again? Look, Matt's been dealt a tough hand.

Pale, weak constitution.

I mean, his hair is doing something absolutely unhinged this year. It's all

the card.

All to say, I just want to make sure he has a great birthday.

Poor kid. All right, looks like Brandon got me...

Two Target gift cards.

Yeah, one of those has $11 on it, and the other one has $7 or $8 or something.

Thanks, Brandon.

All right, all right, all right. My next, my next.

This is a very thoughtful gift for my little Dorito -loving friend here.

Hi, Matt. On behalf of the entire Frito -Lay family, I want to wish you a happy

birthday. Stay snackin'. Oh, wow.

I know.

Who was that? Well, I figured that as a Dorito freak, you'd get a kick out of a

message from the CEO of Frito -Lay.

But I couldn't get him, so that's the coordinating manager of online ad sales.

Wow. And Doritos are the triangle -shaped chips, right? Yes, Matt. You're

obsessed with those. You love those.

Yeah.

Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

That's okay.

Oh, wow. You look really nice.

Thank you. So do you.

I'm going to get a refill.

Can I get you anything?

Well, actually, I have a bottle of wine hidden in a fake plant by the front

door. We could crack that baby open and drink it in the bathroom.

Oh, yeah. Actually, I don't drink, Joyce.

Wait, why do you know my name?

It's me, Connor.

I'm from HR. I started last week.

Yeah. And that was a test, and you passed.

Oh, great.

Oh, let me introduce you to my wife. Absolutely not.

A donation has been made in your name to Merrick's Vegan Women's Shelter.

Thanks, Dakota. Great gift. It's not a gift.

It's a responsibility.

Well, thanks for giving me one. Oh, hey.

Guess what? It's our time slot, so should we pause this, head on over to

maze? Oh, no.

Okay, but they won't hold it. They'll just give it right away. Oh, my God.

Walkie -talkies. No way.

And you seem pretty bummed with the janitor. Didn't let you try his, though.

This is truly the best. Seriously, thank you. You're like a powerful parking

attendant. Where's that Buick? This lady's pissed.

Hey, I missed the shippers.

Walkie -talkies?

Cool.

You know what? We should probably pause GIF and we should play before we lose

our slides. You know, some people have been saying that, so that's probably

smart. You're probably going to want to open mine soon.

I don't know how much longer... Pete!

He said he wants to play!

It's a dog.

If you run, you are out.

If you hold your gun sideways, you are out.

If you cover your sensor, you are out.

I didn't even know you were coming, and then you kicked me. Now everyone knows

our business.

I'm confused.

You said not at work.

We're not at work. Okay, but these are work people.

Plus, it's Matt's birthday, and I just... Why does that matter?

No, I mean, I just don't want to pull focus from him.

I mean, is it that bad if people know?

It's been two months. Are you embarrassed or something? Shh.

Guys, he is explaining the rules, and he said he would not do it twice. Okay,

come on. Are you okay, bud? Still having a good time?

Yeah, definitely.

All right.

Okay, squadron.

In three, two, one, deploy.

Running, you are out. What? I wasn't. Ten minutes in the chair.

I... Okay.

Well, tonight was a butt. I bleached my upper lip for nothing.

Yeah, that's crazy.

I guess I'll just go home, put on Chocolat for the hundredth time, and

Alfred Molina's mustache is crawling up and down my body like a caterpillar.

Joyce, please, just buy a diary. I'm sorry my haunting loneliness is

your game.

Wait, what's going on? Why'd it do that? Excuse me!

This machine's not working.

Yeah, I'll need to get in here.

Sick dress.

Oh.

Thank you.

It's reversible.

Oh, nice.

I have a belt like that.

It sounds like we have something in common.

Yeah, that's great. It's still not working. I'm Joyce. Dr.

Joyce Henderson.

Oh, I'm Cody.

Dr. Cody.

What? You... Oh.

You're good.

You are good.

It's funny.

What up, King? What up, King?

Anyway, I just wanted to quit the bark at you, big dog.

Hey! Dakota, I got you! Stop covering your sensor! That's cheating!

I'm not covering!

It's a game!

Just play by the rules and have fun, God!

So, yeah, look, I know you're not Matt's biggest fan, but I just thought you

should know, between us, that Matt actually used to have feelings for

Get out of here.

Really?

Matt? Yeah.

So, you know, this might just be a little weird for him.

You might want to tamp down the PDA on his birthday. You know, I think those

feelings ran pretty deep, you know what I mean?

Got it.

Yeah. All right.

It's good to know.

Really good to know.

Dakota! You're doing it again! You're deliberately breaking the rules!

Seriously, you don't have to wait with me. I'm back in in, like, 40 seconds. I

just can't believe you blow our cover like that. You're getting shot. I wasn't

ready to go public yet, and then he just kissed me.

Seriously, Brandon's just, like, lighting you up, so maybe you could

Alex!

Sorry, okay, um, listen, I know that it's not ideal, okay, but people know

and has anything bad happened?

No, everything's fine.

Okay, then what's wrong?

Do you not like him?

Try to sum it up in ten seconds.

I like him.

We're having fun.

Then what's the problem?

I don't know.

You're right.

I guess there is no problem.

I'm back in. Move, move, move.

What's this? What's happening?

You need your battery packed.

Go to the front desk, swap it out. It's going to be over by then.

Oh, well, you better stand here and complain about it. Oh, God.

No running.

No running.

Alex is right.

There is no reason not to give Steve a chance. He's cool. He's hot. And he

me. And you know what?

I'm going to go for it.

Yeah.

Yeah. So about midway through, I got seasick and then they got seasick. Oh,

thanks, babe.

Oh, Keith was just telling us a funny story about a cruise. Oh, no. I was just

saying how I was held up at gunpoint on a cruise. Oh, my God.

Hilarious. You guys having fun?

Well, we're having a great time.

What are we doing here?

Oh, sorry.

It's just Serena looks so beautiful tonight. Can you blame me?

Matt, can you blame me?

No, she looks nice.

Yeah, neat shoes.

Hey, thanks, guys.

What are you doing?

You are tense.

Oh, am I? I know your body.

Chaplain Steve and I haven't always gotten along, but now he's dating

he must be awesome.

Or else...

What the hell is going on? Oh, yeah. It's been 26 minutes of having a

and it's really good.

Yeah, he's being totally normal.

I love it. How normal he's being.

Hey, there you are.

Oh, you're talking about me? I'm just kidding.

Yeah,

Arby's is way too corporate, so I left. Now I got more time for my art. Well,

sometimes you've just got to pivot.

I'm not sure what's happening right now, but could you just... Fix the machine.

When I first saw you, I thought to myself, hmm, painter or poet?

Well, actually, I design stickers for skateboards.

Mostly alien stuff, but some South Park, too. I'm pretty sure I can find the

reset button. Hey, hey, no one can touch the machines but me, man.

Listen, I'm just going to finish this up so this guy can stop bitching at me.

Excuse me?

Ron, shut up and let the man work.

You're being so weird.

Hey, want some cake?

Sure.

So, what's your codename going to be?

My codename? You know, for the walkie -talkie. You need a codename.

Yeah, maybe Matt Few.

Oh, that's good. Easy to remember.

And yet still entirely mysterious.

Hey, you ready to get out of here?

Maybe call it an early night?

Oh, okay. Yeah.

Ending in a few anyway, right? No, no, no. You can't leave yet because, well,

already did gifts and cake and shook the celebration corn.

Well, we could, you know, I don't know, play another round. I think there were a

lot of problems with the batteries.

Yeah, I'll pay for it on me. Another round. We can stay for one more, yeah?

You could be a captain.

We'll play teams and you're a captain. Get out.

I can be a captain?

Yeah, I'll be captain.

Okay, Team Matt, line up on this side with Captain Matt. Team Master Blaster

this side with Captain Steve.

Dang, that's a good team name.

Why don't you pick first, birthday boy?

Okay, I pick Serena. Oof, worst pick.

Seriously? Babe, come on. You know you suck. Let's not gaslight.

I'm going to pick my boy Bruce.

Let's go.

Yes, let's.

Yeah, I'm in a tough spot.

On one hand, all I want is for Matt to have a great birthday.

And on the other, Steve and I are absolutely going to destroy his team.

Oh, man.

I feel like I can't win here.

Except at the game, like I said.

Hey, just checking in.

You remember what I said about that PDA stuff, right?

Dude, good looking out.

I'm totally in his head right now.

I think he might cry. Yeah, that'd be sad.

Okay, two squads will enter. Only one will leave.

In three, two, one, deploy.

I need help.

Somebody help me.

Let's go.

Help, they're going to have to go party.

Where are your parents? I'm going to have an accident.

Okay, let's just go really quickly, okay? Come on. You're not number one.

God, please don't let me end up on the news.

Watch out with the... Oh, go up.

Dr. Ron, you got to at least... Just look over there.

No. Oh, darn.

Game over.

Hey, Keith, can I see your wallet?

Oh, yeah, sure thing.

Oh, better get that.

It's me.

I'm on your ad.

No running.

I don't take many people back here.

Kind of like my personal corner.

Where at, babe?

Well, it's very intimate.

Oh, damn. Ski -ball emergency. I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll be here.

Hey, Joyce. Oh, God.

Joyce, did you do, like, a beauty thing to your face recently?

Well, if you must know, I did do a little bleaching.

Why? Because you're, like, glowing.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh, I look like a Lorax. Do you think Cody saw?

Who's Cody? The smoke show I was just talking to. Alex, get with it.

Was he looking at your face? Yeah, he probably saw it. We got to fix this. We

got to fix this. Oh, no, I'm about to play. Yeah, Alex, I bleached my hair

Okay? You, me, bathroom. I don't feel like I can help with this.

Your aim is Pearson.

Don't curse. There are kids here.

Only kid I see is you. And this long one right here.

What the heck? You're being a jerk.

Even if you win this game, Serena's still going to be with me.

What? What are you talking about?

Dude, what are you doing?

We're on the same team.

No, we're not, brother.

No, we're not.

That was for you, Matt.

Who was that? Keith? What? Keith! Are you kidding me?

Keith!

Roll on my Keith.

Look! That's cheating!

Stop being such a nerd! Stop doing that!

No sign of Cody since he was called away on a skee -ball emergency.

Almost certainly an excuse to ditch me after seeing my hideous clown face.

Joy, Earth bait is hanging in the balance.

What was I thinking?

Hot young stud like Cody. Do you know how much confidence it takes to tattoo a

lizard across your entire back? Cody is a loser.

I am a loser. I am a woman in my 50s with her cans out in an arcade that used

be a Joe's Crab Shack.

I'm pathetic.

Will you stop it? Now, you are an intelligent, accomplished woman who

good for 50.

You're a bona fide catch.

The only real crime is your inexplicably bad taste in men.

Ron. Forget Cody and stop wasting my time so I can get back to playing my

Thank you.

You're a good friend.

Although a lot of what you said was borderline inappropriate and Connor from

is here, so.

That was crazy. I don't even know this guy.

Okay.

That was whack.

What kind of adult has a laser tag birthday?

That was fun. The way he came at me, something's off with that guy.

Wasn't he in a cult or something?

It's a homestead. They're different, I think.

Whatever. Meet me at my place. I'm going to swing by Wendy's.

You know what?

No.

Okay. We can go to your place.

Your neighbor's cooking is just a little...

pungent, and not to make it an epic thing. No, Steve, I think we should stop

seeing each other.

What do you mean?

Like, break up?

It's been fun, but it's just not... It's just not.

I'm sorry.

Wow.

Okay.

Fine.

Yeah. Honestly, great.

You know what?

Your feet are weird.

Okay, yeah, whatever, dude. I'm not the only one that thinks it. I'll see you

later.

Alright, come on!

We were kidding.

We didn't mean any of that. Come on.

Serena.

She's good.

Give her a second to cool down.

Thanks for having my back in the maze.

Happy to do it.

Always looking out for you, man.

Thanks. So, you feel ready to talk about your hair?

What's wrong with my hair?

You know what? Let's save it for tomorrow. End on a high.

First birthday was okay.

I got beat up, kicked out, random dog chewed through a bunch of the presents,

not exactly what I thought. Matthew?

New copy.

Matthew?

It's Serena.

Oh, yeah. Go for Matt. To you.

I took one so we can talk at work, pretend to be spies or whatever.

Oh, cool.

That's great.

Hey, sorry about Steve.

He was such a dick.

No, he wasn't one of those.

Also, happy birthday, Maddie. I had a really great time.

Okay, over and out.

Thanks. Over and out.

Anyway, what was I talking about?

First birthday.

Pretty great.

Yes, Ron can be a grumple still skin, but he speaks the truth.

And I do not need to hook up with a young arcade guy just to make myself

better. I mean, sure, the attention was nice, but that's all it was.

So now I'm going to go home. I'm going to watch Chocolat and call it a win.

I know my worth.

And it's very empowering.