Original subtitles

What a waste of energy.

You're not going to start that shit again.

I don't know.

Every time we make love, I feel more like some kind of sperm disposal machine

than a woman.

Thanks a lot.

Thought I was your husband.

Turns out I'm some kind of pump.

Look, whose fault is it if we can't have children? We tried everything.

It doesn't have to spoil our marriage.

Without children, it's no marriage.

Oh, shit.

I heard of your manic life. You got him hung like a young bull.

How's the record?

The last one I did. Oh, gone off your little body, sir? As long as it keeps

paying the rent.

The dream scene's still climbing the charts.

Stalled at 23.

Hmm.

Maybe I should build it up just a little bit more.

You know, I think you've got a thing about big... Hmm?

Home to a little woman.

Something like that.

There's a lot of disappointed ladies around here. Well, so be it.

on 120 or 220 volts. I see. Or a rechargeable battery.

Yes.

Yes.

May I help you, sir?

Oh, yeah.

I'm looking for something on conception.

Oh, yeah. We've got just about everything there is. We've got condoms,

thermocytes, maybe uterine devices.

You name it. Or as my old man used to say, when in doubt.

Pull it out. You misunderstand me. Conception, not conception.

Are you serious?

You must be the first customer that ever asked me that. You sucker for

punishment.

There.

Never let it be said I couldn't satisfy a customer.

Great.

Thanks a lot. Good luck.

It says here you can calculate the ovulation period more accurately by

the woman's temperature every day.

I can't hear you.

I'm saying it says here you can calculate the ovulation period more

by taking the woman's temperature every day.

There's usually a rise in temperature during the fertile days.

How interesting.

The thermometer, the slide rule, and a peanut.

It's a quite big gift for prospective mothers.

Don't be sarcastic.

You ought to read this book.

Learn something about sex.

You could tell me I need too much already.

Uh -huh.

Here.

What's that for?

You know damn well. Go on. Oh, I don't want that.

All right.

Just for that. No, David.

No.

Stop. You damn fool. It doesn't go there. Guess again. Hey, that's a good

It's ice cold.

Don't worry.

You hit the jackpot. I'll give you something warmer.

How's it feel this time?

Ninety -nine.

One degree more than yesterday.

So now what?

Lights, camera, action.

What's wrong?

Just started my period.

Nurse?

Can you tell me the way to Dr. Benson's? In block on the first floor.

All right, thank you.

Many married couples are faced with this problem.

About 10 % of all marriages are childless.

Unfortunately, most people are too inhibited by medieval concepts regarding

to take active steps to do something about it. Doctor, there's nothing

about us.

Good.

Naturally, the first thing to do is to determine which partner is sterile and

whether the cause is physical or psychological.

In some cases, it's because the man produces no spermatozoa.

In some cases, blood group incompatibility between husband and wife

successful pregnancy unlikely.

Have either of you had any biological tests?

In that case, I suggest we start with a thorough examination to determine the

cause of sterility.

Mr. Martin, do you have any sexual inhibitions?

I have no hang -ups whatsoever.

I can get an erection at the drop of a hand.

Right?

Move like a butterfly, sting like a bee.

I'm afraid you'll have to do this one again. It's too cloudy.

Do you mind if I do it in the morning, Doctor? I have a date tonight.

Is it the same gentleman?

Yes. Isn't he a bit old for you?

There are compensations.

He's just what the doctor ordered.

Have a good day.

It's a very special plan.

All right, Helen.

Out.

What do you mean I have to walk home from here? Will you get out of the car?

Mother's not going to like it.

Mother's not going to get it.

Cheers.

Do you like the concert?

This part, yes.

Bring in the violins.

Once more.

The feeling.

The test confirmed conclusively that Mr. Martin is a sterile one.

In your case, you failed to produce any sperm to serve, which means that... I

can never have a baby.

At least not with Mr. Martin.

What do you mean?

Mrs. Martin is a perfectly normal woman.

She would probably conceive with another man.

What are you suggesting?

Some kind of stud service? Dollar man?

Mr. Martin, I am not suggesting anything.

You both came here together to find out the truth.

And, regrettably, that is the truth.

I'm very sorry.

It doesn't make any difference.

We love each other.

Maybe we could adopt. I don't know.

It's not an easy matter to discuss, but there exists a solution for barren

marriages.

Namely, A .I .D.

artificial insemination by a donor. You mean taking another man's sperm and

injecting it into my wife in order to fertilize her?

That's right.

Those who are quick to condemn it as a sin or a crime often fail to realize the

happiness it can bring to a childless marriage.

Once the woman is conceived, the couple would experience all the joys of

parenthood, months of pregnancy, the birth, etc.

I don't say that artificial insemination doesn't have its problems, both

physical and psychological.

I'm merely saying that it is a means for a couple to have a baby.

And in your case, the only one.

Well, I don't think that I could ever accept a child from another man.

Well, Mrs. Martin?

Of course, the problems aren't the same for husband and wife. They both have to

work out their feelings of jealousy and so forth.

Mind you, the donor is always completely anonymous. Neither parent ever knows

who he is.

Usually, they're selected from groups of men similar biological characteristics

to the parents.

even similar intellectual and social backgrounds.

I feel it was my duty to tell you that there is an alternate solution to the

problem of an unhappy, childless marriage.

I just couldn't. Everything inside me rebelled at the idea.

Every time I look at the child, I'd say to myself, I'm not its real father.

Somebody else had to do the job for me.

You want another?

Couldn't we adopt?

At least that'd be civilized.

An adopted child would be a stranger to us both.

But if I had a baby, I'd at least be its real mother.

I'd go through the whole process, just like any normal woman.

The child would be my own flesh and blood.

Just the same, it'd be a stranger to me.

artificial insemination is not always successful.

The semen is normal, but some men are more fertile than others.

The psychological strains may impede fertilization.

Very often, several inseminations are needed before fertilization occurs.

Also, because of the difficulty of predicting the time of ovulation, it may

several months before pregnancy results.

The usual method for collecting the semen for insemination is by

The semen is collected into a plastic container and will be injected into a

woman within three or four hours.

Lights?

Well, I think that's enough by way of an introduction.

Are there any questions?

How do you know the donor doesn't have a venereal disease or undesirable

ancestry? That's the most common fear.

But I assure you, a doctor would have less compunction in asking a prospective

donor about his background than a girl would in asking her fiancé.

If anything, the donor selected by the doctor may be a better genetic choice

than her future husband.

Are there any other questions?

Well, I think that's all.

Still fancy lunch? Why not?

I don't know if I could face food after all that.

Nothing interferes with my appetite.

Say something, for Christ's sake.

What is there to say? I was just thinking.

What's your decision?

It's your decision, not mine.

Why only mine?

Look, we know all the facts.

Medically, there's no problem.

The only problem is jealousy, as the doctor said.

I wouldn't want a baby that you could never learn to love.

Worse still, that you might even hate.

Admit it's not easy.

All your life, you take a pride in your masculinity.

You're told a man should be strong, virile.

Then one day, you wake up to discover...

You need a substitute to impregnate your wife.

Darling, it's not your fault. You were born like that.

Anyway, they do it every day with pedigree dogs and horses.

Great.

Maybe we should go to a vet.

Does it mean that much to you?

Hmm.

Ah, shit, let's have it done and get it over with.

No, I didn't work.

Yeah. Yes, I understand.

Thank you, Doctor.

Bye.

Excuse me, Professor.

Mrs. Martin to see you.

Ah, Mrs. Martin.

How nice to meet you.

How do you do, Professor?

Well, shall we stay out here?

The world may be running out of oil, but the sun won't let us down for some

time.

I won't ask you why you came to see me, because I know perfectly well.

And it was nice of Benson to send you to me.

Oh, yes. He asked me to give you this letter.

Oh, yes, thanks.

I think I know the essential details.

You know, there's a lot of criticism of our particular field.

Test tube reproduction is advancing at such a rate that well -immanent sources

predicted... that by the end of this century, fully formed babies could be

decanted from artificial wombs.

Still, in your case, I don't think we need consider that.

Tell me, how's your husband taking all this?

Badly, I'm afraid.

May I speak very frankly to you?

Please do, Professor.

This is very important to me.

Well, you see, despite all there is in favour of artificial insemination, the

results are often unsuccessful.

As in your case. In my opinion, if a woman doesn't conceive after a few

it's not advisable to continue.

The reasons are too complex.

The results too uncertain.

You mean I might have an unhealthy baby?

Or a deformed one?

No, no.

No, but I do believe that the healthiest children result from natural

insemination. You see, Bench knows that my approach is often considered

unorthodox.

Tell me now, do you think that either you or your husband could ever overcome

and live with your ethical or religious objections to insemination by a natural

donor?

I mean, by normal mating?

I don't think Paul would ever accept it.

It took almost a superhuman effort to get them to agree to artificial

insemination. My having intercourse with another man...

Oh, no.

It would be out of the question.

Don't stick with this.

The thing is beginning to gel.

And you agree with the two -tone, white on gold?

I'll put it in work.

Hey, we're way behind.

Yes, Evelyn.

That's you, Bob?

Me.

Laura. Hi.

Barbara, how are you? Fine.

Well, didn't he give you a drink?

That's for now. We're just finishing up. Good.

On my day, the drinks came with the job. The times, they are a -changing.

Make you nostalgic?

Not one bit.

What did he say?

Who?

Dr. Benson.

Oh, he said we'd have to try a different method.

Laura, would you like some ice? Thank you.

How's it going?

All right.

You know, there's the sperm of a scientist, a musician, and a prize

Maybe we could develop a breed with the brains of a scientist, the strength of a

fighter, and the soul of a musician.

Oh, that's a dangerous game. You might end up with someone with the strength of

a scientist and the brains of a fighter.

Well, I have to dash. My man doesn't like to be kept waiting.

The same one?

Yes, the same one. They say you make the best wine in Old Barrow. Oh, it's

serious, then?

Yes, it is serious. Joan says to a man over 50, everything is serious.

Good morning.

I have an appointment.

Mrs. Martin.

Oh, yes, you're Professor Rowland's patient.

Follow me, please.

In here, please, Mrs. Wilson.

Thank you.

Oh, excuse me, doctor. I must be in the wrong room.

No, no, no. Come on in. This is the right room.

I'm not a doctor, but I am the man you came to see.

Not very romantic, is it?

But we try to add a few little touches.

Champagne.

Soft lights.

Do I get to wear a mask as well?

My mother once told me that I was conceived in a hay

field.

Isn't that what they call making hay?

Yeah.

Okay. Why don't we just pretend that this is a hayfield?

To the baby.

I'll drink to that.

Well... How did a nice fellow like you get into this business?

Just lucky, I guess.

Does it pay well?

Are you kidding?

Actually, I'm a physiotherapy student.

I guess you might call this a postgraduate course.

That's a great way to save a marriage.

You and... Uh -uh. No questions.

It's against the rules.

Don't you think we'd have a better chance if we removed those?

Yeah.

I want to so much, but I can't.

Don't think about me.

Just think about the baby.

It's all good.

I just couldn't go through with it.

It all seemed so mechanical.

I didn't say it would be easy.

Well, it's not that, Professor. I tried to prepare myself for it as just a means

to an end.

I thought only of the baby.

But something inside me rebelled. I felt sick.

And you think with another donor?

No. No, I don't think that would make any difference.

It's the act itself.

The thought of making love without loving.

Goodbye, Professor.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Could I talk to you for a minute?

Isn't this against the rules?

Look, I'm sorry about what happened up there.

I realized it wasn't very conducive to... Look, what I'm trying to say is

well, if you ever want to try it again, it's always my part.

It's not much, but at least it's better than this one.

No.

No, really. Thank you.

We used to make it practically every night.

In the last few weeks, I may be gaining a baby, but

I feel like I'm losing a wife.

Come on in.

Very nice.

No champagne?

Some Spanish red.

It's unusual.

Fifty cents a bottle.

Is that the... Yeah.

And is that the...

Thank you.

Well, I see you made yourself at home.

I got some dates.

Your keys.

Paul? Yeah?

Paul, do you know what day it is?

Oh, I forgot.

Your birthday?

Wedding anniversary?

Three shopping days for Christmas? What?

It's the 29th day since my last period.

That's not right!

Oh,

I've got grease all over your dress.

It is what I think it is. It's going to be much too small in no time.

Well, there's no doubt about it.

You're pregnant, all right.

Well, that's wonderful.

Well, let's just call it a combination of science, perseverance, and luck.

Hey, Barb.

How have you been?

It's been a long time.

I've been rather busy.

So, what did you ring me for? An appointment?

Well, no, actually. To tell you something quite different.

What's that?

I can't see you again.

I'm pregnant.

Hey, we finally struck gold, huh?

Please, don't be flippant.

Well, anyway, I just called to say that I won't be needing your services

anymore.

Was that all it was?

Just services?

Well, yeah, that's all I can call it.

Well, thanks for calling.

If I can ever be of service again, just say the word. Please, goodbye.

Who was that?

Oh, no, just the wrong number.

It's getting cold out there.

What was all that about?

Just lost a steady customer.

Well, if you don't get busy, you'll lose another one.

You know, this is going to be twins.

Lights out?

You're okay.

Sorry,

the shop's closed.

Oh, come on. Give a guy a break.

I'm too old for wet dreams.

Wouldn't be much pleasure. More like mountain climbing.

Feel.

Brought my Alpenstock along.

Paul. Right with you. I've got to knit one, purl two first.

Paul, would you get the car out?

I've got the wheels off.

Well, you'd better get them back on again.

What? What do you mean, now? The hospital?

Okay.

Go on.

Now, don't worry.

You haven't been reading the signs.

Tell me, have you decided on a name?

It's okay, it's all over.

Yeah, Harry, after my wife's uncle.

Better make it Harriet after your wife's aunt.

Why do you call her Harriet?

Barbara was banking on a boy, Harriet. The best we could be. You don't have to

be male chauvinist about names these days.

Women's lives have their way. All names will be unisex soon.

Well, anyway, I appreciate the honour.

And I'm not forgetting it.

I'm establishing a trust fund for Harriet for her education.

Harriet, that's very kind of you. I know, I know.

The money will come in handy anyway.

Hey, let me hold her a while.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

He's never had a baby in his arms in all his life. Oh, good one, Mother.

At least not that young.

Well, it'll be a pleasant change anyway.

Come on.

Oh, she's a honey.

She's a honey.

Yeah.

Yeah? Mrs. Randall to see you.

Mrs. Who? I don't have any more appointments today.

Mrs. Randall, Helen's mother.

Oh, of course. Send her in.

Charlotte, what a pleasant surprise.

You meeting Helen? Shall I give her a call?

No, no, I haven't come to pick her up.

I've come to see you, if you can spare the time.

Spare the time? All the time in the world.

It's ages since I've seen you.

Yeah, Helen tells me about you.

All that globetrotting, lectures, television.

It's a busy life, but I like it.

Can I talk to you about Helen?

Yeah, what about her?

She's left home.

Well, Charlotte, she's a big girl now, knows her own mind. They all fly the

sooner or later.

I know.

I know.

I'm not trying to hang on to her. I'll be sorry to lose her, obviously, but as

you say, sooner or later.

So?

Do you know this man, John Roberts?

Well, I don't know him, but I know about him. If it's the man she's been going

out with for the last three or four years, I gather he's the man in her

Yeah,

she's moved in with him.

They're getting married.

Charlotte, that's the way they do things nowadays.

You do know John Roberts.

And so do I.

Oh? How do we know him?

He was a donor when you first started.

At the old clinic in Delta Gardens.

Well, how do you know that?

I think he's Helen's father.

What?

Oh, Charlotte, you're out of your mind.

Oh, you know, when Steve died, the one thing I wanted in the world was a child.

I know, I know, but...

Poor dear Charlotte, this idea of yours is wrong. It's impossible.

I wish it were.

Look, I was one of your first patients, and that old clinic of yours was very

small.

Well, after the experiment, the nurse forgot to close the door, and I saw a

young man come out of the next room.

I assumed he was my donor.

Look, I haven't told anyone, but I was even happy that my child, I mean, if the

experiment worked.

Well, he had such a handsome father.

Well, it did work.

And I think that man was John Roberts.

Charlotte, doctors don't usually dispense drinks, but I need one, and I

you do too.

This man you saw, even if it was Roberts, and I don't think for one

was, he wasn't necessarily the donor.

He could have been a lab technician, someone on my staff, anyone.

I miss him.

You know Helen. She didn't want me to meet him. She thought I'd be against the

whole thing because he's, well, more or less my age.

And now that they're living together and talking about getting married, I

finally met him.

And?

And it's the same man.

Hello, Daddy.

Hello, sweetheart.

Give us a kiss.

There you are. There's your dolly.

What's that?

It's a choo -choo train.

Yesterday you said it was a snake.

It's a choo -choo train today.

It's a choo -choo train.

Hi, sexy.

Hi, sexy as hell.

Hey, you remember Professor Rowland?

Dr. Benson's clinic?

Yeah.

Didn't you see him one time? Yeah. Well, he's in trouble.

It says here he's involved in quite a scandal. The medical association has

condemned him for malpractice.

But why?

He's such a marvelous old man.

During the bitter divorce hearing, one of his former female insemination

patients revealed that the professor advised her to use a natural donor to

fertilize her instead of resorting to the customary practice of artificial

insemination by anonymous donor.

Though the procedure produced no offspring, the husband is now suing for

on the grounds of adultery.

What those quacks won't do for money.

Mrs. Norris.

How long have you been married?

We've been together for five years.

You are Mrs.

Norris.

But you go on about that. Yes.

I see, Mrs. Norris.

So you came here today because you wish to have a child by artificial

insemination? Yes.

Your hymen is intact.

You're still a virgin.

May I get dressed now? Oh, yes, of course.

We have a wonderful life. We're compatible.

It's just that... You want a child to cement the union? Doctor, I know it's

done.

Some girls pay a man.

It's only in the law to stop it.

It's not illegal to be an unmarried mother.

My dear child, I think you can take it that I'm aware of the law.

We make love.

But the thought of a man... I just couldn't.

I understand, but I don't think I can help you.

Our clinic is under attack often enough as it is, if you'd got out.

What business is it of anyone else?

All right, so I lied.

I'm not legally Mrs. Anyone.

But suppose I went out, married some guy, paid him, and became Mrs.

Whoever -He -Is.

And I came to you and said I couldn't consummate the marriage.

Would you help me then if I went through all that?

I haven't said I won't help you.

But our institution is receiving public support as a service for unhappy married

couples. We're probably more married than a good many of you so -called

couples.

I believe we're entitled to equal consideration.

I'll just think about it.

Why should I be denied motherhood simply because I'm a homosexual?

There are many other factors to consider.

Have you thought what sort of a life your child would have?

Without the normal male -female balance in the family, the odds are that your

child will also become a homosexual.

I'm not condemning it, mind you.

I merely wish to bring it to your attention.

Surely you wouldn't want to see your own emotional conflicts repeated in your

child.

I wouldn't worry too much about that, Doctor.

Just remember that all us homosexual children have heterosexual parents.

And I wouldn't be too proud about that, batting average.

As they say in the detective stories, I expect you're wondering why I invited

you here this evening.

Well, we were a little curious.

I assume for our pleasant company.

Of course.

I don't quite know how to say this.

I understand that you're planning on getting married soon.

Yes.

Helen, I feel that there's something that you should know.

Something that your mother just couldn't tell you. My mother?

Yes, she's meant to see me.

And I suppose she told you she's dead set against our marriage.

Yes, that's true. And in this case, I must say I agree with her. Doctor.

At least postpone it.

Postpone it?

For a while.

Doctor, I know you mean to be kind. I have a great respect for you. But please

don't interfere in my private life.

Please, at least just give me the chance to explain.

Oh, this probably isn't the right place. Shall we go somewhere for a night, Kim?

Darling, at least let's hear what Dr. Benson has to say.

All right.

Let's go to your place.

My place.

Your mother lied to you about your date of birth.

You were actually born a year later.

You were conceived by artificial insemination.

So I'm not only a bastard, I'm a fabricated bastard.

Test tube baby goes into test tube baby business.

That's not all.

John, have you ever told Helen you were a donor?

No. Charlotte thinks you might have been the donor in Helen's case.

Oh, God, I feel sick.

What?

Mrs. Randall thinks she saw you coming out of the treatment room. She could

been mistaken.

Even then, donors were supposed to be anonymous.

Oh, God, it's not possible.

There's one way of finding out for sure.

By running blood and sperm tests as we do every day.

Though I never thought I'd be doing it to establish my own identity.

Helen, darling, please don't go.

I'd rather.

Tonight, I'd rather be on my own.

I couldn't be heard to tell you.

Make a nice little highlight when I'm lecturing.

I'm one myself and I sleep with my own father. We plan on breeding a long line

of idiots.

When were you going to see that doctor?

I wanted to find out more about it first.

But I could have gone.

Why?

Because you've got the roles reversed.

You're the butch in this family.

I think I should be the one to have the baby.

But I couldn't let you go through all that.

But I want to.

You're so frail. That just did the poor kid a start to death.

Oh, Carly.

Yes, just down the corridor. Thank you.

Am I to understand that all this came about on the direct advice of Professor

Rowland? Yes.

The professor explained that in my particular case, artificial insemination

might not work, and he advised that I try having a baby with a natural donor.

You mean by having intercourse with the donor?

Yes.

He said that there were medical reasons strongly in favor of that method.

I see.

And then?

He made an appointment for me at his clinic with one of his male assistants.

And... Yes?

We had sexual intercourse in one of the treatment rooms.

That'll be all for now, Mrs. Lippert.

Call Professor Rowland.

Professor Rowland, you've heard Mrs. Linden state... Have

you anything to say?

Only one thing.

I have never lied to any patient.

The women who come to see me... have usually exhausted all other

of having a child.

I have to consider the woman's natural instinct to become a mother,

and also the psychological consequences that might flow from a sterile marriage.

The advice that I give is both healthy and natural.

But you do realize it puts the woman in a situation of adultery.

That is an ecclesiastical question, sir, and therefore is outside my domain.

I always try to leave it to the conscience of my patient as to whether

she should tell her husband.

And you don't feel you induced your patients to commit immoral actions?

No, sir, I do not.

Here's Dad.

Hello, sweetheart.

Hello, darling.

You look a bit glum. Everything all right?

Yep, I'm okay.

You're home early.

I was out and about. I didn't feel like going back to the treadmill.

Good. Fancy a drink?

Yeah.

Must be like the people in the ads, you know?

Thanks for dinner.

Eyes clinking in the glasses.

I could slip into something loose, perhaps.

That looks loose enough.

I've got to give you a charge once in a while.

Only once in a while?

All the time.

I saw your friend, Professor Rowan, this morning.

Really? How?

In court.

What made you go there?

Curiosity.

He has some very quaint ideas.

Paul, what's behind all this?

What?

Look, we went through the whole A .I .D. scene.

Now it's the three of us.

Let's not rehash all that.

Okay. Come on, let's drink to the three of us. I'll call her in. She can join in

the toast.

She's fine where she is. Where is she?

The garden.

Let's both go and slip into something loose.

I see.

Can I help you?

Yes, thank you. Is Mrs. Norris about?

Mrs. I mean Renata.

Ren, gentlemen, see you.

Dr.

Bent.

Nice little shop. Doing well? We're opening another one.

She's the brain.

Uh -huh.

Well, you're pretty well set up.

No problems on that score.

I decided to go ahead with it.

Oh, thank you.

Marvelous. Just one small detail.

Yes? We decided I'm the one to have the baby.

But you... She's right.

I'm the man around here.

I only came to see you to spare Carrie, but she's right. It has to be her.

If that's the way you want it.

Well, wouldn't that be the right thing anyway?

I mean, a male -female balance, as you called it, wouldn't be upset, and the

child would be able to direct its emotions toward us in a more normal way.

You've been doing your homework.

Doctor, I thought about what you told Renata about the child being a

Maybe it would have a better chance if it were a boy.

We're not magicians. Well, I read somewhere that the semen can be

treated to increase the possibility of the child being a boy.

What are the chances?

Experimentally, as high as 85%. Would you like to try with me?

When would you like to have your baby?

In nine months.

Unless you know if I have to wait.

All right.

Oh, you're very kind.

I hope this doesn't get you into any trouble with the law. It's not the law

I'm afraid of.

Well? I don't know how to begin. At the beginning, perhaps.

It's been a terrible mistake.

The test tubes are wrongly numbered.

Mrs. Lustig was injected with the wrong sperm, the sperm of an African donor.

God. How long has she been pregnant?

Oh, about two months.

What should we do?

Well, there's only one thing to do. We must tell Mrs. Lustig. She must be given

all the facts.

She may wish to abort it.

I'll call her in. I'll tell her, Doctor. I think maybe I'll do it more

tactfully.

Mrs. Lustig. Yes?

Perhaps you remember me. I'm Dr.

Benson's assistant.

Oh, sure.

Come in, come in.

This looks bad, huh?

I am giving it up.

I don't have... this morning, don't bring any more grass into the house.

He says it's very good stuff.

The best.

But you know, with the baby and all.

Ta -da!

Hey, are you into this?

You want me to roll you one?

It's a little early in the day for me.

You're right.

Mrs. Lustig, can we have a talk?

Sure. Sure.

Now you come to check on me, huh?

Nice backup.

Great. Great.

Well, I am feeling fine.

Really, really great.

No cravings?

Maybe for this?

But, um... Hey, you don't think there's been a mistake, do you?

There has been a mistake, Mrs. Lustig.

No, no, you're pregnant, all right.

But there was some confusion in the lab.

The sperm samples got switched.

You were injected with the sperm of an African donor.

Drinking donor.

Woo -hoo!

Oh, my God.

That is really wild.

Nobody knows how it happened.

A black kid.

Holy... Black is beautiful and all

that. Oh, what did that happen?

The original, fully integrated, all men are equal nuts, but...

I don't know how he's going to take this.

I don't know how I am going to take this.

It may still be possible to abort the child, but it might affect your chances

having another one. Listen, don't talk anymore, huh?

Could you go?

I'm sorry, but could you just go?

Good morning, darling. Shall we go and say goodnight? What?

There she is. Look. Oh, sweet.

Say goodnight. Good night.

Good night, Daddy.

Good night, darling.

I'll come and see you in a minute.

That's right.

Now, if you go, you go straight to bed. Come on, sweetheart.

Good girl.

Are you ever going to tell Harriet?

About how she came into this world?

What could be gained by telling her?

Maybe when she's a bit older?

Since you can't build happiness on deceit.

Imagine if she found out herself one day. But that's impossible.

The clinic guaranteed absolute discretion.

How would Harriet find out? I don't know. Those things have a way of

the surface.

What would she think then?

Of you?

Of her mother.

happy for now.

Maybe it's short -sighted of me, but I don't think we ought to say anything to

her. Me neither.

And how am I going to tell her?

Show her a test tube and say, that's your daddy?

And you call yourselves modern parents.

What happened? Did we take a picture?

What is it?

Uncle Harry.

And the hospital told me he died in the ambulance.

The driver of the other car was killed instantly.

We're going to invite him today. I almost said he was a fool of a driver.

Hello, Ma, darling.

Sorry, traffic.

Paul.

We must snap out of it. We can't ruin Harriet's birthday.

Harriet! Grandma's here.

And

so,

having no descendants of my own, I leave the whole of my estate to my niece,

Harriet Martin, to be administered by her father.

until she reaches maturity.

Well, Mr. Franklin was a very wealthy man.

However, he did not feel it necessary to provide for his sister in view of the

pension left to her by her late husband.

I believe that is all.

Money is a great responsibility.

If you need any advice on investment, we're at your disposal.

But remember, the money is really your daughter's.

Handle it wisely.

aren't we?

Shut up a minute, will you?

Christ, it's like being married. I'm going to buy you a pipe and some

All right, all right.

Paint your nails or something.

I've painted my nails.

I've painted my face.

And I'm not staying in another night, so don't start.

Hey, remember me telling you about the time I was an A .I .D.? You know,

spreading a little joy among childless mothers?

The time you served your country?

Uh -huh.

Well, one of my little offspring has just come into a fortune.

You're kidding.

Nah, some old guy died and left her a lot of money.

Hey, let me see that.

My God.

A fortune.

Is that her? The mother?

Mm -hmm.

And that's Daddy.

How can you know for sure?

I thought it was all highly confidential.

Well, I was very sympathetic to her case.

This one called for special treatment.

Hello?

Hello? Hi.

Remember me?

Michael.

I've been meaning to call you for some time now.

Why have you called?

I just want to talk to you, that's all.

It's been so long.

I thought you might want to see me, too.

I was thinking about coming by the house.

No, no, please.

You mustn't come here.

Okay, how about my place?

No, no, I can't. Now look.

I want to see you.

It's funny.

This is where Paul and I decided to go through with it.

Right there at that table.

You look terrific.

You haven't changed a bit.

I've thought of you often.

Sometimes when I look at my daughter, I imagine I can see your features in her.

Do you still work as a donor?

Nope. They retired me.

I was pushing 30.

But it was great fun while it lasted.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

Actually, I've thought about you quite a lot lately.

You know...

I always hoped I'd find somebody like you.

A daughter like the one you have now.

How do you know what she's like?

I went by your house a couple of times.

I saw her playing outside.

You mustn't ever do that again.

I suppose if somebody saw you there and wondered what you were doing there.

It's only natural for a man to want to see his own child.

What about all the other women you fertilized?

Did you go to see their children?

With them, it was just intercourse.

With you, it was...

I don't know, Barb. It was just different, that's all. Oh, please,

enough.

Okay.

Why did you phone me?

Well, things haven't been going too well lately. I thought maybe you could

help me out. I see.

You've got a nice house.

Lots of bread. I'm sorry.

There's nothing I can do for you.

I shouldn't have met you.

It was a mistake.

Maybe I should ask your husband.

If you ever do anything like that, I'll kill you.

Yeah, Hal and I talked it over and we decided that we are going to keep the

baby.

It's a difficult decision.

No, no, not really. I mean, you know, when we considered adopting a baby, we

thought that we might adopt a Vietnamese war orphan.

I mean, the main thing is having somebody that you can love and take care

right? Yes.

My mother used to say that to me.

Hello again.

I told you never to come here.

Don't worry.

I know your husband's hours.

Yeah, we got plenty of time.

What do you want?

Well, you didn't believe me when I told you I couldn't stay away from you.

And my child.

You see, the older a man gets, the more paternal he feels.

Why have you come here?

Isn't it obvious?

I've come to take charge of my daughter's estate.

I see.

You read about it in the papers.

Big money, big headlines.

I can't believe you're serious. Oh, I'm serious, all right.

Of course, I'd rather avoid anything nasty like suing you for custody of the

child. I'll deny you're the father.

The court will insist on blood tests.

When I tell my husband... Well, you better tell him quick.

I think it's better he comes from you than from me in a courtroom.

I'll do anything you want.

Forget it.

Paul.

There's something I've got to tell you.

Something I should have told you long ago.

What about?

Harriet.

When I went to the clinic to have artificial insemination. Stop it.

I don't want to know about it.

But I've got to tell you. Shut up.

I know what you're going to say.

Instead of using an anonymous donor and one of his assistants, fuck

you, right?

I went to that divorce court.

I had Professor Roland give up with his so -called natural methods. You bitch!

Why can't you be honest with me?

I'll have to find out second hand.

If I knew you were going to screw somebody to have the baby, I'd rather

had him.

Don't say that.

You love Harriet, don't you? Yeah, I do.

But I hate you.

Mommy, mommy.

It's all right, darling.

Come on.

There.

It's all right.

Bye, sweetheart.

There you go, girl.

Come on now.

It's all right, my darling. It was just the radio. It was on too loud.

Good night, darling.

Why tell me now?

I had to.

Somebody came to see me today.

Who?

The... The donor.

I see.

He said he would sue for custody of his daughter.

As the...

natural father.

He thinks he can get the court to name him administrator of Harriet's Trust

Fund.

Maybe he can.

Don't talk like that.

We must stop him.

I realize I should have told you the truth, but I was afraid you would never

accept that solution.

And the doctor said it was the only way I could have a child.

A healthy child.

Paul.

What difference does it make how Harriet was conceived?

All that matters now is her happiness.

For three years, you loved her as your own daughter.

You can't let a stranger come and steal her away.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hit you.

It's just that you threw a bombshell at me.

Father! Father!

Not now, boy.

The fellow here says he's an old friend of yours.

Paul!

Oh, Paul, we've known each other a long time.

So I know it's no good my giving you a lecture on morals and ethics. You're not

a religious man.

But anyway, you came to see me as a friend, as a priest.

I suppose if we were back at college...

Someone would crash.

It's a wise father who knows his own child.

Yeah, I suppose so, and I suppose I'd be the first to laugh, too.

I must talk off the record.

The church severely condemns any unnatural intervention, either to abort

or to conceive one.

The church is changing fast today. Maybe one day they'll accept that, too.

Well, anyway, your main problem is your feeling of jealousy, which you must

overcome.

Barbara's never loved anyone but you.

I mean, how many times did she have intercourse with this man?

I don't know.

Afraid to ask.

You know, yours isn't the first such case in human history.

Consider the humble carpenter Joseph, who loved and cared for his son Jesus,

although he knew he hadn't begotten him.

The world never looks at it from Joseph's point of view.

Don't tell me that was artificial insemination.

It would be blasphemous to say yes, but let's say it was a great example of

humility and devotion.

One that you could follow.

I'm sorry, Wade.

I didn't know what time you'd be back.

It's all right. I'm not hungry.

Can I get coffee?

Sure.

I've thought it over.

So have I.

Come on, then.

Wouldn't it be better to give up the money rather than expose Harriet to the

cruelty of the trial?

We have to go to court if only to establish that Harriet's legitimate,

her rightful father.

If we don't do it now, this whole thing could blow up again when she's older.

Yeah.

It would hurt her a lot more then.

There's only one solution.

We've got to fight it out now.

Yeah.

Doctors, lawyers, and politicians have been wrangling over the legal problems

ever since the world's first test tube baby was born about 40 years ago.

In most countries, such children are still considered illegitimate, and

therefore the parents theoretically could be prosecuted for registering them

legitimate.

When the child grows up, he could even contest his own legitimacy and claim

the serum donor was his true father.

Particularly if there's a large inheritance involved.

Yeah, but in our case, it's the other way around. This man is trying to usurp

Harriet's estate by disputing that I'm the legal father.

Yes. Your case will make jurisprudence.

There's never been a case like it before the courts.

Do you think there's any chance of the court deciding that Paul is not the

father? Well, the issue is extremely complicated.

since the legal definition of paternity has not been tested.

If it is shown that the parents perjured themselves when the child was

registered, the doctor could also be prosecuted.

Will Harriet have to be present during these proceedings?

She'll be introduced to the court as a formality, but I'm sure they'll spare

the ordeal of the whole trial.

Well, I suppose there's nothing else we can do for the moment.

I'd advise you of the date of the trial.

Well, Mrs. Elastig, how are you feeling? Oh, everything's really cool now.

Hey, I'm sorry about all this false alarm.

Don't worry, false labor pains are quite common, especially in women having

their first baby. It's what we mainly call psychological contractions, a sort

rehearsal. But don't let it spoil the main event, huh? Right.

Oh, Jesus.

The outraged husband.

And you know why I'm here.

I give up.

A game of darts?

Come on in.

Look, I'm warning you. Stop this case or I'll kill you.

Homicide seems to run in the family.

What do you mean?

Nothing. It's an end joke.

You son of a bitch.

You leave my wife and daughter alone.

What's going on?

Nothing.

We were just talking about my daughter.

I'm telling you, you should stay away from us.

Who the hell was that nurse?

I guess you might call them a relative.

I still can't believe it. I know.

You know, when you read in the Bible about some venerable patriarch like Lot

sleeping with his own daughter, it didn't seem to matter.

In fact, it even made for spicy reading in those pre -permissive days.

But we're not characters in a book.

The fact that you're my father, that we made love together passionately, is not

easy to live with.

Remember.

It hasn't been proven that I'm your father. Those tests only show that it's

possibility.

Now, you must remember that, and you must hang on to it.

I'll try.

I'll try.

Okay, we'll both try.

She's my wife.

Your Honor, before proceeding, I would like to introduce to the court the

principal party in this affair and an excuse to despair the ordeal of these

hearings. Very well.

Mr. Martin.

What is your name?

Harriet.

Did you come here all by yourself?

Who brought you here?

My name.

Would you point her out to me?

Is your daddy here too?

Yes. Would you point him out?

Thank you.

Now, would someone please take the young lady out of the courtroom?

I was the donor. I made her pregnant.

Were you paid for your services?

Yeah.

But she made me think that there was something more between us.

How did she make that evident?

Well, we had dates outside the clinic.

She even came up to my apartment occasionally to make love.

Did you know about the natural donor?

No, sir.

Had it been suggested to you, would you have given your permission?

Then, no.

But now, thinking of Harriet, yes, I would.

Your Honor, I would like to bring a new witness to the stand.

Tom Harris.

Occupation? Accountant.

And what is your connection with this case?

I was a donor of the clinic.

Am I to understand you were there during the time Mrs. Martin had gone to

consult Professor Roland about having a baby?

Yes.

And I had intercourse with Mrs. Martin on a number of occasions.

I tried various times with the first donor, but it didn't seem to work.

So I asked Professor Roland if I could try again with other donors.

At first, I was horrified by the idea of making love with other men.

But after the first few attempts, my only thought was the baby.

Paul suffered during all that time.

I couldn't explain anything to him.

And I couldn't bear to have him touch me. I felt so guilty.

And I wanted the baby more than ever.

No such case as this has ever appeared before the courts of this country.

I do not condone the methods of these insemination clinics, but

I do recognize the right of every woman to fulfill her biological

function of having a child.

The Bible recognizes this.

and even allows a man to inseminate his brother's widow and to preserve the

family, even closer relatives.

As for the donors, they were paid for their services.

They can consider themselves only as a means to an end and cannot, therefore,

claim paternity of the children.

It is, consequently, the decision of this court

Paul Martin is the true and legal father of Harriet Martin.

I hereby declare this case closed.

A stranger.

Oh, thank God that's over.

Maybe it's better there was more than one.

That way I know none of them meant anything to you.

Well, there's no question now that you're Harriet's father.

Yeah.

Now I can start being your husband again.

Come on, darling.

We're going home.

No!