Original subtitles

Oh man, I love this place.

You remember when Dad used to take us here?

Yup, yup. We've been coming here forever.

This place is classic.

Though that mascot always creeped me out.

Aw Mr. Funbuns? I love Mr. Funbuns.

I used to sleep with him.

Uh... what?

- He was my first plushie. - Ah.

Man, every time I see him,

he brings back so many happy memories.

Ehh, I don't know, man.

I think it's like straight up nightmare fuel.

I mean, why is it a hot dog eating hot dogs?

- Congratulations! - Oh!

Hey Mr. Funbuns!

You've just broken our all time record for

most hot dogs eaten in an hour!

I did?

Yo Hank dude, that's awesome.

Ya know, there's a hot dog eating contest

at the Glantontown Fair this year.

You should sign up. - Oh uh...

Yo no way.

The winner gets a signed Cooper DeJean jersey.

Hank, you gotta do this. You would crush it.

Oh okay. Uh, what do I gotta do?

It's a hot dog eating contest.

It's a contest where you eat hot dogs, Hank.

He's in.

? Well, I used to work in hot dog factory ?

? until them robots came along, ?

? and now there is no job for me, ?

? but I get three thousand bucks a month. ?

? Thanks to UBI. ?

? Now we're Universal Basic Guys. ?

? It may not sound like much, but we're still gonna try. ?

? We're just Universal Basic Guys. ?

Yo, Chet, watch your six!

Thanks, Dar. Oh crap, there's more of them!

Yo, I'm hit! Where are my heals, Monte?

Yeah, I think Monte got booted.

Again? Ugh.

Welp. I got merked by a Smurf.

[knock knock] Guess what day it is?

Uh... Saturday?

It's the Glantontown Fair!

The fair is for kids and old people.

Oh come on, Dar. It's our little tradition!

I got pictures of you every year on the carousel.

Ok well, I'm 14. It's weird.

Uncle Hank's doing a hot dog eating contest.

Mom, we're in the middle of an Overwar tournament,

and I'm on the best kill streak of my life.

Alright well, I certainly wouldn't want to mess up

your... kill streak.

I'm back. Sorry about that. What did I miss?

Uh, Monte got banned for "excessive toxic behavior."

Whatever that means.

I can message Liam and see if he wants to play healer.

Woah, the kid with the overactive saliva glands?

Sorry. Hard no.

Well we're gonna need someone to play

healer or else we're gonna get rolled.

Ya know, if you're looking for a healer... I am a nurse.

Okay, Mom.

What? I've played video games before.

You know, I used to beat the crap

out of Aunt Renee at Mario Kart?

Are you actually serious?

This isn't Mario Kart.

You would get destroyed in this game.

You sure about that?

Yes. Bye, Mom.

Oh man, I've never had this many people watch me eat.

Relax, dude. Okay, you got this.

You've been doing this your whole life.

Only now, it counts for something.

Alright, here we go.

What's up, G-Town!?

It's the moment some of you have been waiting for...

The Glantontown Glizzydown.

Today, our gastric gladiators

battle to see who can down the most dogs in 10 Minutos!

Let's go, Hank! Woo!

Heads up that today's event is an

officially sanctioned qualifier for the

Wiener World Championship in Oceanwood, New Jersey.

Yo you hear that, Tam? That's like, actually on TV.

Alright eaters, on your marks. Get set.

Glizz!!!

Let's go Hank! C'mon! Get after it!

Yeah! Let's go Hank!

Mmm. Oh yeah.

Oh my God. Who is that woman?

She's an eating machine.

Oh no. She's a ringer.

You gonna to eat all those?

Well, he's got the eating part down.

Not sure about the uh... competitive part.

... Three, two, one... Alright!

Dogs down!

Hmm.

Uh... the contest is over my guy.

Oh I know, yeah.

I Just don't wanna waste the dogs.

Let's give it up for our winner,

eating a redonk 65 hot dogs in 10 minutes,

from Brooklyn, New York, Anna "The Anaconda" Conda!

Oh c'mon!

How you like them dogs Glansonville!

Brooklyn Represent!

Yo. That's disrespectful.

Alright. Uh, quick announcement:

If we got any doctors up in here,

Mo the Meat Mountain's got a

little medical situation going on.

Man that was fun. Those were some solid dogs.

And that's all that matters, honey.

Uh no. That is not all that matters, actually.

God gave this man a gift.

And yeah, it's a weird gift, but it's still a gift.

And it would be a sin not to develop it.

Hank could be special.

Whoa, you really think so, Mark?

Pfft, I know so, okay. I think you could go pro.

I mean, with the right training, you could be the vessel

through which I vicariously fulfill

everything that I have ever wanted.

Oh, man. I've always dreamed about

helping you live out your dreams.

Hell yeah. Let's do it.

Oh, damn! I'm hit.

What the hell, Liam?

I thought you were pocketing him.

Sorry! The lag's bad.

My brother upstairs is running a Gonjacoin masternode.

Did he just get kicked?

Sorry. I couldn't take it anymore.

I mean, he sounds like he's sipping soup through his teeth.

Dude. We're gonna get crushed with no support.

Uh... wait. Someone else just queued in.

Hey, guys! Heard you need a healer.

- Mom?! - Whoa. Lookin' good,

Mrs. H. Didn't know your mom was a gamer.

She's not. How did you even get in here?

Eh, your mom's more tech- savvy than you think.

JD, can you kick her?

Uh... I'm not kicking your mom.

She's gonna get farmed. She has no clue what she's doing.

Darren! Are you okay?!

Yeah, I'm great. I love getting shot in the neck.

Just stay calm. How do I apply pressure?

Is there like a gauze button?!

Stand over him and press the circle button.

They're all circle buttons!

The one with the circle symbol on it.

Oh whoa whoa. Getting dizzy here.

Oh my God.

Oh! Found it. There you go.

Oh yo! Mrs. H! Nice!

See? Your mother just saved your butt.

Now let's go whoop some butt.

No! That's a plasma-

...mine.

They shoulda put a warning label on those.

Should we go again?

No, Mom. We can't have noobs on our team.

If we lose one more time, we're gonna drop down to bronze tier.

Oh, what's a noob?

It's a new player who sucks.

Oh... gotcha...

Alright Hank,

I'm gonna walk you through this, okay?

You take the dog outta the bun. You break it in half.

Eat the dog, okay?

Now you take the bun. You dunk it in the water.

And then you eat the bun.

[gag]

Boom. That's all there is to it.

Why can't I just eat it normally?

Because this is how the pros do it.

Yeah, it's just uh, y'know, it feels

kinda disrespectful to the dogs.

You know what's disrespectful?

Wasting a shot to do something special.

A chance to go from average nobody to hometown hero.

To go on tour, rack up all kinds of fun random prizes,

launch a merch shop that sells dry-fit

fleeces with custom embroidered logos

where they overlap our initials.

But the H looks subtly like a hot dog,

but it's still classy.

Hank, with your God-given talent and my guidance,

you can achieve my dream.

Okay. Let's do it.

? Yeah, I'm hungry like a wolf. Hunting alone. ?

? Cuz you got that dog in you. ?

? And the fire burns in my throat. ?

? The acid comes through. ?

? Cuz you got that dog in you. ?

? And I need this more than ever. ?

? Cuz my back's against the wall. ?

? Cuz you got that dog in you. ?

? And my stomach doesn't just rumble. ?

? It rears up and roars. ?

? Cuz you got that dog in you. ?

[vomit]

Yeah-Ha-Haa! Yeah! Team Hoagies! Let's Go!

Hell yeah!

Dude I'm so proud of you, bud.

We are going to the Wiener World Frickin' Championships.

Man we did pretty good, huh?

Yup, but the job's not finished.

Gotta keep our foot on the gas.

Yeah it's just uh... I might need to take a

little hot dog break.

Listen I hear ya bud but we gotta keep that stomach

stretched and ready for Oceanwood.

Actually the best way to build stomach elasticity is

alternating big meals with periods of fasting.

Keeps your capacity high without fatiguing your system.

Uh... Who the hell are you?

Brooks Coleman. Head of Scouting for Team Devour.

Team Devour?

The number one professional eating program in the world.

We've had our eyes on you for a long time.

Hell of an effort out there today.

But if you're going to have any chance at Oceanwood,

you'll need to find another gear.

60 dogs can squeak out a win against amateurs,

but it won't cut it against the best of the best.

Yup. See this guy knows, okay.

That's exactly what I've been saying.

I dunno. I feel like if I eat any more. I'll explode.

Listen, I've been doing this a long time and

I know a generational talent when I see one.

With your rib-to-hip ratio and abdominal distension,

I think we could get you to 90 dogs easy.

Exactly. See, Hank? It's what I've been telling you!

You've got the rib-to-hip abdominal... distinction.

So, listen, if you're interested in

reaching your full potential,

we'd love for you to join Team Devour.

Oh wow, okay, well... Just before we agree

to anything, I just wanna make sure that I would be...

involved in this, y'know. It's very important... to Hank.

Totally. That's why we don't just sign eaters-

we sign teams. So you would handle all

the big decisions on everything from

branding to sponsorships to merch.

Oh. Great, yeah. We're in.

Uh Mark, I feel like maybe we should think about this.

No problem. You've got my info. Let me know if you

want to swing by and check out the facility.

Alright sounds good, man. Thanks.

Yo Hank, this is it dude! This is our chance to go pro.

Yeah it's just uh...

I'm kinda tired of eating hot dogs.

Hank, you're just hitting a wall.

But you've gotta power through.

I have waited my whole life to be

offered a tour of the facilities,

and now thanks to you, I've got that chance.

I mean... I guess it wouldn't

hurt to check out the facilities.

Haha, there we go! Hanky Hank! Let's go!

Damn, yo, this is unbelievable.

Yo, is that a sauna?

One of three here in our facility.

Great for digestion, relaxation,

and sweating out excess bun water.

This is our training room.

Each one of these machines focuses

on strengthening specific eating muscles.

And this is Eddie Almanac, our head trainer.

Eddie meet Hank and his dad, Mark.

Oh, I'm actually his uh-

Damn, you weren't kidding, Brooks?

That there's an eater's body, if I ever seen one.

Kids built like a flamingo smuggling a watermelon.

Oh, uh... thanks?

Holy- Oh my God! Are you kidding me?

That's our Sustenance Center.

Can't train professional eaters without food, right?

Man I feel like I died and went to the fat-guy heaven.

So, what do ya think?

You ready to be a part of this?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh man uh...

Listen, I know it's a lot to take in,

but you have an opportunity to be a

generational talent in a niche sport.

Imagine your name etched on the side

of that meat-shaped novelty trophy.

That's what we do. We build champions.

All you gotta do is take the leap.

Yo this is all free, right?

I don't know, Mark. These guys are pretty intense.

Listen, if you wanna quit and go back to

being just a regular guy who likes hot dogs,

we can leave right now.

Okay, yeah. That sounds good.

Whoa whoa whoa Hank yo. You're really gonna walk away?

After coming this far?

I mean, I don't want to let you down, but it's just...

ninety dogs is... That's a lot.

[sigh] Hank, you don't owe it to me.

You owe it to yourself.

Do you really think Eddie just tells anyone

that they look like a flamingo smuggling a watermelon?

I don't think so.

Yeah, being a champion is hard.

But there's only one person in here

who does not believe in you, and that's you pal.

That's you.

Hmm. Yeah. Okay. I'm in. Let's do it.

Awesome, dude. Now go in there and show him what

Hank Hoagies is made of. - Hell yeah.

Alright, I'm actually gonna hit the uh marketing department

up to go check out some of the merch samples, alright?

"Match in progress..." What the hell?

Thanks for the heads up, guys.

Your mom said you were still sleeping.

You talked to my mom?

- Hey, Dar! - No. No, no, no no no.

I figured I'd get in some

practice reps before you woke up.

Seriously guys? She sucks at this.

Darren!

Actually, she's kinda legit.

Yeah, dude. She's leading in kills.

What?

I've been watching tutorials.

Alright whatever. I'll take sniper.

Actually... you mind running support?

What? I-I thought my mom was the healer?!

Nah. She's an absolute beast on assault.

What the hell?

[gunting] C'mon, Hank. Get the dog!

Get that little doggie!

I know you want that dog in you!

Hey, maybe he could take a fiver?

I mean he's eating hot dogs, not withholding

the location of terrorists, right?

Hey amigo, how about you leave

the training to the trainers, eh?

Ah It's all good, Mark. I got this.

No pain no gain, right?

Hey Mark, you mind heading over to conference room 251B?

Our branding team wants to meet with you

to go over Hank's personal logo.

We've got a big meeting with Jordan Brand on Tuesday

and want to make sure we're all aligned.

Oh, uh... hell yeah.

Alright, they're camping the cannery.

JD, flank around back and drop some clusters.

Mrs. Hoagies, keep their tanks busy

so I can make a run for the crate.

Whoa! I'm down.

Oh! Haha. My bad.

Must have pressed the wrong button. I dunno.

Not used to playing his healer.

What are you doing? You just domed your own mom!

Friendly fire. It happens.

That's messed up, Dar.

And that's coming from a half demon who ate his siblings.

Whatever. Enjoy running pocket for my mom.

I'm joining a real squad.

Darren, watch out for that-

Plasma mine.

Ughh!

Hank?

Yo, Hank! You in here? Hank?

You got this, Hank. Just 30 more minutes.

Ay yo, Hank, I wanna show you some of the uh, color options

on these performance hoodies.

Guess what the material they're using to-

What. The. Hell?

Hey. Outta here.

No parents in the training room.

Yo what the hell are you doing to Hank?

- Training him? - Training?

C'mon dude you're pumping sludge into him

like he's a frickin' goose.

Everybody loves the sausage, but

nobody wants to see how it's made.

Yeah but like, he's gonna lose his love of hot dogs.

That's the point.

Eaters need to be conditioned to hate food.

That's how you go from eating... to devouring.

Yeah, but that also kinda... sucks.

I promise you, when Hank's hoisting

that trophy and thanking you for believing in him,

you'll realize it was all worth it.

Catch.

Whoa.

Okay, this is- this is nice, dude.

You got... ventilated armpits and everything.

Check out the logo.

Not bad being the parent of a champion, eh?

All the perks, none of the work.

Alright alright. First off,

okay- I'm not his dad, okay. I'm his brother.

I don't know why you keep saying that, but it's weird.

Secondly, the H is supposed to look like a hot dog.

I literally talked to Candace about that like four times.

Now you said that I make the big decisions.

Well, here's my call: We're out.

If you wanna quit, be my guest.

But if Hank wants out? That's gotta come from him.

I'm his daddy now, Mark.

Oh yeah?

Well that would make you my daddy,

and I have daddy issues.

Anyway...

I...

am gonna go talk to Hank.

... But first I'm gonna grab this.

Alright bud, let's get outta here. We're going home.

Wait I can't quit, Mark. I'm up to 82 dogs!

Oh yeah? And how'd they taste?

Oh, uh I dunno. I uh...

kinda stopped tasting them.

Hank, hot dogs used to make you happy.

You'd smile just unwrapping one.

Now look at you.

Greatness demands sacrifice though, you know?

You said it yourself.

Hoagies! Need you in the bread pool

for high-pressure bun sucking. Let's go!

All right.

Hank, you do not need to do this.

Sorry, Mark. Everyone's counting on me.

Brooks. Eddie.

The lady from legal will made me sign

a thing that says if I die it's my fault.

Who cares what they want? What do you want?

C'mon, Hank,

remember the joy that hot dogs used to bring you!

Eh they told me I'm not supposed to think about that anymore.

So you sure he's coming back?

Oh yeah. He was just hangry.

I brought him some pizza rolls. He'll be fine.

- I don't know. He seemed pretty butthurt...

- Language.

- Sorry, Mrs. H.

Ah crap, ambush! Get down.

- I'm hit!

On my way, honey! Oop, c'mon... Whoa- Heheh...

Dammit! I'm down, too!

Alright, hold tight, doll-

- Uh-oh.

Alright, where are you hiding?

Come on out so I can teach you a lesson!

Ooh!

Take that!

Noob move, mom.

Darren/Darren/Darren?

Sup guys.

Uh... Mrs. Hoagies? Uh... Bleeding out over here.

Liam, can you take care of JD?

It would be my pleasure.

Oh, great.

Well, well, well. If it isn't the Jersey Devil.

I guess I'm your angel of death, here too-

Dude, just kill me before I alt-F4.

S-orry-I'm-lag-gin-

I got you, sweetie.

Aw man...

Heard you needed a "Heel."

Darren, what are you doing? You killed your best friends?

I thought they were your best friends.

Oh. I see. I'm sorry, Dar.

I didn't mean to ruin your squad.

It's just... y'know, I was a little hurt when you

didn't want to go to the fair with me,

so I thought we could spend time

together doing something you actually enjoy.

It's just one fair. T-There'll be more.

You see that's how it starts. Today, it's the fair.

Next thing you know, you're spending

Christmas morning at your girlfriend's house...

C'mon, Mom. I... Look-

I still wanna hang out. But... gaming is kinda

my thing with my friends.

But maybe we can find a new thing to do together.

Ya know, Uncle Hank is in a big eating competition.

You wanna watch him shovel hot dogs down his gullet?

Um... n-not really, but if it means you'll

stop playing Overwar, then... sure.

Oooh, great! How do I do one of them happy dances?

Just RB and Press X. Like this.

[bang!]

Sorry sweetie, we gotta get going.

- Oh that was cold, Mrs. H! - Absolutely savage!

Welcome everyone to the newly built

Silverfish Memorial Freedom Pier in beautiful Oceanwood,

New Jersey for the Wiener World Championship.

Today, the best hot dog eaters in the world

compete for PLE's most coveted prize, the Giant Wiener.

Woo, let's go, Hank!

Hey, where's Mark? It's about to start.

Introducing... from sunny California... Joey Pecans!...

And from Brooklyn, New York... Anna "The Anaconda" Conda!

Boo!

And introducing... a first-time challenger, from Glantontown,

South Jersey's own... Hank Hoagies!

Three... two... one... Eat!

? [action]

Sorry, saving this se- Ohh my-!

- Hey hun. - Mark?

? [nostalgic]

What are you doing? Let's go, Hank! C'mon!

- Mustard? You don't use condiments, idiot!

- What the hell is he doing?! - That's just for the sponsers!

What are you waiting for? Eat!/C'mon!/Boo!

Boo! Boo!

Boo!

The hell was that? Like three hot dogs?

They were pretty good dogs though.

So much for all that training, Mark. He somehow got slower.

Hey, he enjoyed it. And that's all that matters.

Does anyone care that I am not enjoying this?

No Darren. No we do not.

Alright let's see uh

lemme get a chili dog with a pork roll wrap,

uh, Dykstra Dip Dog, hold the 'Roid Relish.

Um... One Thick Rick, extra whiz. And a Scrapple Slam Dog

with a pretzel bun.

Oh and uh I'll do the Double Fudge Brownie Dessert Dog

with the rainbow sprinkles and banana sauce.

Ay yo, Dar, what do you want?

Spicy chicken sandwich.

What? No. - That's what I want.

Darren, it's a hot dog place. Get the hot dog.

I don't want the hot dog.

He's gonna have the hot dog.

Fine. Just make it spicy, made of chicken,

and not a hot dog.

Darren, there's a reason that the mascot

is not a spicy chicken sandwich.

- Uh, can I get a garden salad?

[silence]

With uh, hot dog dressing. And nine hot dogs.

[relieved] Ah!

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