Original subtitles

This story begins in the small, distant emirate of Qumdar.

We would like to say that facts, characters and places

are purely fictional.

THE SON OF THE SHEIKH

Your Highness, I came for our contract.

Does your liver hurt, Your Highness? - No, it's my stomach.

Didn't the doctor order you to take those tablets?

Instead of doing me good they make me worse.

Dear Burnes, be calm.

Our relations with the Standard FuelComp have always been honest and satisfactory.

Why change that?

The Prophet said:

"Do not leave the path you have taken to follow another one".

In Muhammad's time, there was no oil.

And those who govern the country have a duty to...

Stomach? - No, the spleen!

We can sign up now!

Look, let's postpone the hearing. I need to lie down.

You may sign lying down, Your Highness.

You should rest, Abdul. You're old and sick.

Leave the care of the country to me. After all, I am your brother.

You are too ambitious and greedy.

One day you will be an emir because I had the misfortune of not having a son.

But you will not take power as long as I am alive.

Remember, as long as I am alive. You will not be emir before my death.

That day is not far off.

And I will not need advisors.

You can start packing your bags, Mahadi.

Allah's will be done.

If this is the Will ofAllah,

the Standard Fuel Company can also start packing.

After all our investments, Scioltan will give the concession to those of Petroleum 1st Ltd.

Scioltan is so sure of becoming emir before his contract is renewed

that he has already advanced a large pile of dollars from...

What is the name of the man from Petroleum First Limited here in Qumdar?

Burger. Hamilton Burger.

His friends call him Hamburger.

He is a big idiot who has never completed any mission.

And if he did this time, it would be his first.

He was thrown out of the CIA, he was the prime architect of Nixon's downfall.

He is kind of a bison and cares about nothing but American football.

No, no and no. You have understood nothing. Underdeveloped imbeciles.

You are disgracing the glorious Houston Oilers

who also fought the Champions of America

and managed to lose 12-o. Hold this and be careful everyone.

The purpose is to get the ball to the goal.

And you have to stop'em from doing that. Like this!

Mister Burger?

What's up, Pike? ls the broadcast of the Houston Oilers game starting?

No, they are saying interesting things at the Standard. Come, quickly!

Okay, go ahead on your own.

So, what does Burnes say? The Illinois pig...

You can hear for yourself, boss.

Putting all those microphones in Barnes' office was a great idea.

I even put one in his bidet.

He is now in his office with the emir's advisor.

Mahadi, the Persian Gulf ass-kisser.

Listen, boss.

Moreover, it makes me angry to give it to that big asshole.

He's talking about you.

The competing society is very strong and very rich.

He's talking about us.

They promised Scioltan big co-interests on royalties.

On the other hand, I cannot believe that it was Petroleum's fault.

I'm convinced that the scoundrel is to blame.

He's talking about you.

In fact, it is not possible.

Petroleum is a multinational corporation known and respected all over the world.

He's talking about us.

They would never use such unfair means.

That's why I tell you it's all that piece of shit's fault.

He's talking about you.

Let's clarify...

When someone is talking about shit, they are definitely thinking of you!

Put me down! I'm afraid of heights.

You are a creep like everyone else from Ohio.

Get out!

If the emir had a son...

or heir...

There's an heir!

How many times do I have to repeat myself?

They are written there.

Panacchioni Luigi, son of Ines. Father unknown. 38 Geranium Street, Roma.

Province of Trastevere.

His request was denied.

You can appeal if you want, but we have to open another file.

For what reason was it rejected?

Listen Mr. Panacchioni, if you don't present to me a certificate of land ownership

issued by the municipality, the prefecture will never give you a management license.

I went to the municipality, and they told me to bring the file here!

Look man, let's be clear.

If you can't get support from an oil company, you can forget about running the gas station.

I got it, so let's say this: if I am not recom- mended by someone, there is nothing to do.

Good morning. - Good morning, commendatore.

I agree with the general manager.

Kindly sign the paperwork for these gas stations.

Certainly, commendatore.

Caltagirone street, Valerio Flacco street, Santi Romano street, Lucrezio Caro street,

Corso street... - Why all these stations to him while not a single one to me?

Shut up... who are you?

I'm Panacchioni and I'm fuckin' bored.

Excuse me, but I'm in danger of missing the plane to Milan...

If your plane goes off, my head goes off, too. - How dare you? Respect your turn!

I really don't respect anybody's shit.

You've been bullshitting me for two months.

Bring the document here, bring the document there...

Then suddenly comes this... this jerk and you give all the stations to him!

Excuse me, what did you call me?

Jerk. Not good?

Director, call the Police and let him repeat it in front of the cops. You are my witness.

There is no need to call anyone. - I call the Police.

No need. I am a polite and kind person and I am leaving.

You do well, it's better for you.

No need to call anyone.

Look at that guy!

Jerk, one more time.

Burger, my friend!

Hamburger, why are you angry with me? We are friends, or am I wrong?

I'll kill you. Vulture of the Middle East!

You must pay me back all the money I gave you for the grant.

What a bastard you are!

Stop! - Wait, wait! Let me explain.

Your brother has a son who will become an emir and renew his contract with Standard.

Burnes instructed Rita Kolman to bring him in.

My only hope of not rotting in this hell was to get your oil concession for my company!

Have mercy.

For a former CIA agent like you, it should not be very difficult to kill the Sheikh's son!

It would be nice to steal radio, air conditioning and tires.

Actually I was looking for a Mercedes door.

This one would be just right!

The parts of this car cannot be stolen. The owner went up to Gigi's house.

Gigi is a friend of ours.

Here's Gigi. Mentioned and seen.

Hello Gigi!

How did it go?

Everything went as it should. It went wrong. Indeed, worse.

There are those who take red lights and those who take green lights.

If you are unlucky, you get them all red.

We need to smash these traffic lights!

Do you see this car? A beautiful German woman drives it. She is looking for you.

She is now at your mother's house.

And what did she come to do?

Have you been pimping?

If I was a pimp I certainly wasn't listening to a jerk like you.

Good bye, Gigi. We'll be waiting for you at the bar. Let us know what it's all about.

Cavallo, I have some weed. Do you want to accompany me to sell it at the station?

Thank you, Dattero. But it's not my thing.

Be careful because if you get arrested you're in trouble. You are a foreigner...

You too would be a foreigner if you came to my country. And so would he.

Are we foreigners without our knowledge? - Really?

Your mother told me that you have long since applied to the prefecture of Rome

for a license for a gas station, but you have difficulties, Mr. Panacchioni.

- But who are you?

Rita Kolman. - Rita what?

I am public relations officer for the Standard Fuel Company,

which would like to install a chain...

For goodness sake, it's bad luck. Chain letter and all the other chains

they're all bad luck. - Mom, but she's not talking about

chain letters. She's saying something else.

What chain are you talking about?

It is a chain of gas stations and workshops here in Italy.

You, too, can be part of this chain.

Do you understand? I am also part of the chain. But do you also do other kinds of services?

Of course. Society wants to know its managers well.

We want to humanize working relationships as much as possible. That's especially why

I was talking to your mother for the purpose of familiarization.

Do you understand? Let's familiarize!

What else do I need to do? I made coffee.

This is for you, honey. - Thank you.

Tell her something!

I don't have much to say. I worked my whole life to raise my son alone.

I was a victim of love. I have been seduced and abandoned.

It's very interesting.

Tell her about your time at the Grand Hotel.

Yes, I worked as a waitress for 3O years at the Grand Hotel.

She made a Sheikh lose his head. - Even that!

I wouldn't say that. It was an overwhelming passion.

We were caught up in the senses. But it was short-lived.

He went away and left me like that.

He left her with a watermelon birthmark on her belly.

I feel like crying when I think back.

Don't cry! Don't think about it. Just let it go.

Here's to my new gas station.

In a few days there will be a meeting of all the new managers

at a large refinery of Standard Fuel Company.

You have to come, too.

Where is this place?

In the small Arab Emirate of Qumdar on the Persian Gulf. Only a 5-hour flight.

Is there a need to take the plane? - Oh, yes.

No way, I'm not even taking the plane.

Listen Mr. Panacchioni, you would travel with me.

By taking care of public relations, I will make your stay in Qumdar pleasant.

I will be at your complete disposal in every sense of the word, day and night.

Day and night? I am not convinced by this. My son doesn't leave Rome. Understand?

But couldn't you be at my disposal day and night here in Rome?

Why didn't you say all these things before?

Did you understand a word?

I didn't understand fuck. However, it sounded like business.

She's talking about oil, she gets pissed off. Maybe she's right, what do I know?

She said a lot of things in German.

Excuse me for indulging in my mother tongue.

Don't worry, it's okay.

However, I did not come hereto beg you. The benefits are all for you.

You are the one who wants the gas station, and I am doing everything to support you.

I will stay a few more days in Rome at the Holiday Inn Hotel.

I'm sure you'll change your mind.

And come to me tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Gigi?

Gi?

Gigi? - What do you want, mama?

But what are you looking at? - Why do you hit me?

Women like that one are dangerous. Leave that one and go buy bread!

And be quick about it. I'll make the sauce in the meantime.

For once I had picked up...

Get moving, pull!

Leave him alone, don't bother him. - Now it's my turn. You missed.

Come on, hurry up! Run!

Dickhead!

Yes, Burnes. I have met him, but he is not an easy guy.

We have to wait and be patient.

There is no time, Rita. The emir's health is deteriorating.

And his doctors, in agreement with Scioltan, are making it worse and worse.

Go!

I understand, but I can't send him as a package.

I don't think we should tell him the truth right away.

It would be imprudent to deceive him before the emir has recognized him as his son.

I might find the right topic to convince him.

It seems to me that this story reeks of espionage.

In my opinion, it's a white trafficking story.

You say they don't just sell women? Now men too?

Are there no faggots in Arabia? Ask Dattero.

Dattero has been nabbed!

Why is that?

He was caught at the station last night.

He is at the Rebibbia prison?

This time they must have deported him and sent him back to his country.

Give me the keys to the Vespa, I know a guy who is a police informant.

And lend me yourjacket because it's cold outside.

What did Dattero do?

I don't know. I will ask for information.

See you later. Bye.

Ew, with one ball you only scored 100 points.

Why wonder? Your father with two balls, look what an asshole he made!

Pike, it's me, Hamilton!

It's done! You can tell Scioltan that he is already sitting on the throne with one cheek.

The Sheikh's son no longer exists.

Are the boys training?

No, unfortunately, the ball is missing.

Listen to me carefully, Pike. If the team is not in shape until I come back

we will use you as the ball.

Do you understand me?

Unbelievable! And think that you could have been in his place on that Vespa.

It's true, fate is sealed.

Boss, has the line gone dead?

Counterorder, Pike.

Don't I have to train the boys anymore?

Counterorder for Scioltan!

The bastard is still alive.

Gigi, wake up! Wake up!

Let's go, you have to get up.

You told me to wake up at 7 o'clock.

What time is it?

11:3o a.m.

If I tell you to wake me up at 7:00, why do you wake me up at 11 :30?

I came here at 7 o'clock, but you were sleeping like an angel.

That's not the way to go!

Here, have some egg! Don't be angry.

Shake it again.

You don't understand. I have things to do.

If you act like this, I won't be able to do anything.

Nothing changes. 7 o'clock or 11 :30 is the same.

Can you believe it?

Ifl didn't lend him the Vespa, you would become a widow of me, too.

Don't even jokingly say that shit.

Morn, let me get up.

You didn't wake me up. Now you won't even let me get up?

I have some things to do.

Do you have something to do?

Can you believe it?

Can you believe it? All because of that petroleum pussy.

She is the one who wants to kill me

because I didn't want to go with her in the... What's the name of that place?

The Gulf of purchase...

Exactly that.

Look, beanpole!

What?

Are you the antenna operator?

Yes, I am.

Could you check my antenna?

I can no longer watch TeleFantasy. At midnight it broadcasts hard movies.

My antenna is the highest of all.

Mission accomplished.

Thank you, beanpole, thank you very much.

The reason cannot be white trafficking...

Besides, I am a handsome man...

Someone threw a stone!

It's not a stone! They fired from the rooftops.

And why is that?

Because someone wants to kill me. He tried again.

How do you mean? - I got it from here.

Where are you going? You are unarmed.

Come here because Mama will give you a gun.

But which gun? What are you talking about?

I never told you so that you would not be compromised.

It feels like the right time.

What is this?

Grandpa's gun.

But what do I do with this?

There is no need to shoot. Just show it. For defense only.

I don't need it. I can hit it on the head!

Sure, hit it on the head! - Give me a break!

Beanpole! - I'm innocent.

You did a very greatjob. Here you have thousand lire.

Now I also see Copper TV.

Thank you.

Visit the hotel's outdoor square. There is the industrial vehicle exhibition.

Hi, Pike. It's me, Hamilton.

Are you there, Pike? This time I killed him!

I am now watching Kolman.

Can I give this news to Scioltan?

Of course, tell him to go to...

Tell him to fuck off.

That motherfucker is still alive.

Get your hands off me!

Workers and suppliers must enter through the back door.

You use the back door, not me. I am not a supplier, nor am I a worker.

I am an unemployed person who has an appointment here.

Look, please, get out!

Don't you like my clothes? How about yours?

Take a look in the mirror. You look like a penguin.

I'm the doorman!

I don't fucking care. Let me through. Do you understand?

Don't insist, go away!

You really are a dickhead. I already told you I have an appointment!

What's happening?

This asshole doesn't want to let me pass.

Who are you?

I'm so fucking tired of you. And who would you be?

I'm the director.

Excuse rne director, I have an appointment here with a lady.

She even gave me her business card.

I don't remember her name. She is tall, german...

She has a strange name... CollierymKale... I don't remember.

My name is Rita Kolman. Mr. Panacchioni has an appointment with me.

Sorry, you have to understand me...

Do you believe it now? I have an appointment with this lady! - I apologise.

You made an ass of yourself! Go serve your boss.

Filthy slave.

Cut your beard becaus you look like a rubbish collector.

Tell me, Mr Panacchioni. Have you changed your mind?

Look, you and I need to talk. Understand?

I am not afraid of your height because I can shorten you.

Now I have to go to work.

Don't fucking care, first we have to talk.

OK, you come in the car with me and we'll talk on the way.

You are clever! No, we're going in my car! Don't you like it?

The car is not mine, it's my friend Cavallo's. But come with me anyway!

why?

Because I don't like you. I mean, I like you, but I don't. There's something wrong.

I don't understand. Anyway, let's go. You'll explain.

Visit the hotel's outdoor square. There is the industrial vehicle exhibition.

This is absurd. How can you think it was me who tried to kill you?

What would be my interest in killing you?

But what do I know? What the fuck do I know?

It started since I refused to go with you to the Arabs. This is what I know.

I point out that I had invited you to Qumdar in your sole interest.

I have my doubts...

Sure. And if you don't want to come, there are many other people willing

to go much further to get a gas station.

Really? I think that gas station is all just an excuse.

Why would I take you to Qumdar?

I don't know. Maybe you want to sell me to some faggot emir.

Laugh like I said something really funny.

I want to tell you one thing: I can shoot as well if needed!

Don't you believe me?

What does this asshole want from us?

I'll get out of the car and hit him. This guy's crazy!

This is another attempt at killing you.

If you get out of the car, someone might shoot you.

No, you get out, then.

If we were inside my Jaguar, it would have been much easier.

Speed up!

What do you mean speed up? I'm already going to the max.

My asshole friend Cavallo calls it 'the romanist arrow...

I am used to running from the police.

Are you convinced that it's not me who wants your death?

That man would have killed me too, it seems clear to me.

But who was he?

This son of a bitch goes on.

The brakes no longer work. There is a canyon ahead of us.

Let's jump out!

Are you crazy?

I don't want to crash into the canyon.

Come on, jump!

End of the line, Sheikh's son!

Someone is trying to kill you.

You finally realised it.

You were very naive to suspect me.

Today I also nearly died.

You were at risk, too, but he wanted me dead.

We need to understand who...

I don't know if you know, but if you do tell me

...who it is that is trying to kill me...

That's a hitman. We need to know who's behind him.

Good. Find out who's behind him and I'll kick his ass.

I apologise for the bad word, but I have to kick his ass.

There is a solution. But you have to come with me to Qumdar.

I'd gladly come with you to Qumdar.

Of course I'd go with you to Qumdar.

Do you understand? But planes crash.

Hanging in the air waiting to die sounds like bullshit to me.

In Rome there will always be someone who will be trying to kill you.

If you leave with me you will no longer be in any danger.

My mother told me so. Planes crash.

Don't underestimate my mother. She has a sixth sense.

One plane in ten thousand crashes.

It could be ours.

Think about it. If it's not your time, nothing will happen to you.

Agreed. But if it's the pilot's time, I'm fucked either way.

Come here.

Of course I am coming there. You are my big beautiful celery.

Call me Monnezza.

Now I'll show you. Everything is getting bigger.

Persian Gulf nights are wonderful.

There is a different moon that lights up desires.

I know, but planes crash.

Plane crash. What the fuck do I care if planes crash.

My son, be careful! Who knows where that woman will take you?

Where do you think she will take me?

Did you get the woollen shirt?

The woollen shirt? It's so hot there the chickens lay hard-boiled eggs.

Ok. Don't look out of the airplane window. It's dangerous.

That's Cavallo.

Come on.

Hi, Gigi.

What is this?

It's a trick to get him out oft the building without anyone noticing.

I'm taking him away like a rubbish bag.

Come on, get inside the bag.

My poor child! - It's not easy.

In there, you'll miss your breath.

Jump and pull! Jump!

Give your mummy a kiss.

Wait a moment. Let me give my mother a kiss.

Hurry up! It's late.

Phone rne when you get there.

Don't cry. I told you not to cry.

I don't cry, but let me know how the trip went.

Luckily the dustmen are on strike.

Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to catch my brother-in-law's truck.

Be careful so my son doesn't get killed.

Ms Ines, don't shout! This is a secret mission.

I knew it...

You weigh a lot! Keep still, we're here.

Good thing, you are here!

Take this bag. No more of this strike.

What do you want from me? I am self-employed.

What are you doing? You can't do that.

Keep calm. I have nothing to do with this.

Make a claim to the management. I am just a worker.

Hello, Pike? What's going on? Operator?

This time I did it. Not a single cartilage remains of the Sheikh's son.

He has become jam.

In 5 hours I will be there. Come to the airport.

So, everything ok boss? Shall I phone Scioltan?

I tell him to come to the airport with me.

What else do I have to tell him?

Just tell him that...

...that the bastard is still alive.

Still alive? But then what should I tell him?

What should I do?

Rita Kolman is there with him.

Of course I remember her.

She was the one who got you kicked out of the CIA when you put the cuffs on Kissinger.

That was a mistake. - Of course, boss.

Listen to me carefully. During the flight I neutralise the woman.

When you see me coming down with the bastard, it will be time to act.

Have no doubt, boss.

Over and out.

Where is your passport?

I have it here.

Here. But it's a fake.

Why is it fake?

Afriend of mine did it in just half a day.

For what reason?

Because I have a pending case for mugging, theft and fraud.

Hurry up, the plane is leaving. Let's go.

The plane? - Of course, the plane.

Planes crash... - No, they don't crash at all!

Occupied! - Sorry, take your time.

I want to get out. Look, excuse me, I want to get out.

Can you make this plane stop?

Keep calm, I'll bring you a sedative.

You think you're on a bus?

Don't be afraid.

I'm feeling sick. - Keep calm.

I feel like throwing up.

It's nothing. Breathe deeply and slowly.

What are you doing? Throwing up in my hat?

I don't have a hat.

If you vomit in it, I can't wear it anymore.

Ask that man sitting there for another hat.

I'm going to ask him now.

Why do I have to ask him? Be my guest.

I feel like throwing up.

Take a bag, they are there for that purpose.

Put this on your head. I use the hat.

Ok, I'm going to put it on my head now.

Sorry, but why do I have to put it on my head? You throw up in it!

Excuse me, Gigi. I'll be right back.

You're welcome.

What a jerk I am.

Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing atAbu Dhabi airport in a few minutes.

Please refrain from smoking and put the seatback in an upright position.

Keep your seat belts fastened until engines stop and the signal is off.

Transit passengers are requested to remain on board and not to smoke. Thank you.

Here is Kolman. I don't see my boss. Something must have happened to him.

Maybe he missed the plane.

Which one is Mrs Kolman?

She is that monkey dressed in blond.

I mean, she's that blond dressed in monkey fur.

I met her in Washington. She's very clever.

Is that Abdul's son?

He's your nephew.

He must not arrive at the palace alive, Pike.

How do we do it?

I will not allow Mrs Kolman to pass the custom's checkpoint.

You will approach him, tell him that you are a Standard Fuel Company officer

and that you are responsible for taking him to the Qumdar Estuary.

Instead you're going to take him to El Beq

and tell him to cross the estuary by boat.

Perfect. He will go against the machine guns of Iraq's border guards.

They shoot anyone who approaches illegally.

That's right. They will take care of killing him.

Excellent. My boss will be pleased.

Right now, be careful!

Why? What happened?

Don't let Kolman see you. She might recognize you.

You can go.

You need to come to the office.

why?

Special checks.

But this never happened to me.

Unbelievable. Look, you go and collect the baggage.

In case of complications, I will phone Standard and tell someone to pick you up.

Go on, don't worry.

What manners!

Mr Luigi Panacchioni?

Yes, at your disposal.

I'm Arthur Wilson from Standard Fuel Company.

Oh yeah.

Mrs Rita Kolman...

She ended up in a bad way.

I don't think so. Don't worry about her.

How is it possible that she could already phone you?

Our organisation is lightning-fast.

I've seen.

Come with me. I have orders to personally take you to Qumdar.

And the lady?

Don't worry, we'll take care of her.

I have the lady's luggage tickets.

I'll send someone to collect them.

Now follow me, Mr Panacchioni, please.

Excuse rne, but... It doesn't feel good to leave like that.

Don't get pissed off. I didn't mean to.

You speak English quite well.

A girl from Liverpool taught me.

Really?

She gave me a crash course.

English by 15 shags.

Seems like a very good way to learn languages.

That guy is crazy! ls he washing the car with petrol?

Many people do this.

Petrol cleans better. And petrol costs less than water over here.

Shit!

Is Qumdar far away?

About 20 kilometres. We then continue by boat to cross the Elden estuary.

We arrived. Get on board.

Damn!

What happened?

I made a mistake not letting you collect the baggage.

why?

This morning the radio reported

that, starting tonight, the airport will be closed for work for a few days.

Do we have to go back?

It's not possible. They're waiting for you. I'll go. Give me the baggage receipts.

Thank you. Can you steer an outboard?

Of course. I was a lifeguard in Ostia for a long time.

I am a natural born boatman.

Listen to this...

The boatman goes upstream.

You can hear the echo when he sings.

I understand very well. You simply have to cross the estuary.

On the other side my colleagues from Standard will greet you festively.

Excellent. I'll get this licence

and go back to Rome immediately because it's too hot here.

Very good. Then I'm going back to the airport.

Look, I have something to tell you.

I like you.

I like you. What they say is true:

Good things come in small packages.

There's no doubt about that.

HQW?

I mean, you look like an asshole, but...

Do you understand?

Goodbye Mr Wilson.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Good death.

The boatman goes upstream.

You can hear the echo when he sings.

River, if it's true that you give peace...

Hold your fire! I'm your friend.

Weren't you supposed to greet me festively?

Dickheads!

I'm sinking.

Mama!

Hurrah for Italy.

Hurrah for Garibaldi.

Hurrah for Roma.

Rome, Rome, Rome...

Wretched, cuckolded people.

That is what you are. You should all be killed.

Ladies and gentlemen, we will be landing at Hong Kong airport in a few minutes.

Please extinguish cigarettes, place your seat in an upright position and keep seat belts

fastened until the engines stop and the signal goes out. Thank you.

This really is Hong Kong!

Is anybody there?

Is anybody there?

How long is this beach?

There's only me.

North is there.

No, maybe it is there. I don't care about north.

What are you doing? Are you tired?

Have you run out of petrol? Do you want to sunbathe?

You've got to take me to Qumdar! l'am in a hurry!

What kind of camel are you? You're an asshole.

Due to the hump you think you are from the Humpback gang?

Don't be such a fanatic because I'll rip your hump off!

Do you understand?

Let's go. Hurry up, camel.

There are people waiting for me.

Dickhead, you are a shit camel.

Get down on your knees. How do I get on? Get down.

Put your head down. Get down.

Why do you burp in my face?

Who knows why I had to get the most bitchy camel in all of Saudi Arabia?

The camel driver goes hopping.

By doing so, he blows his balls off...

Now we just have to wait for Abdul's death, boss.

Scioltan is sure that day is near.

The emir's health is worsening because of the medicine his brother is giving him.

We must prepare the contract for Scioltan to sign as soon as he takes power.

Already done. 75 typewritten pages in Arabic and English.

You can use them to wipe your ass 75 times.

How's that?

Dead? Riddled with machine guns in the river?

Look at that bastard on the camel!

I feel like riddling you! You filthy Ohio grass snake!

What a disaster!

Keep calm! - Look at the mess.

Stay still!

All right, all right. I'll pay you in dollars. In fact, in petrodollars.

All right, all right. Take them all.

Hey Pike, you realised, didn't you? - Yes, boss.

This money will be deducted from your salary.

But I wanted... - Shut up! And listen well...

Find that Mr Panacchioni and don't let him out of your sight.

All right, boss. I'll go immediately.

Enough, I have no more money.

There's that dwarf asshole who sent rne to the firing squad!

Leave me. What do these Bedouins want from me?

Mama!

Don't touch me!

What do you want?

Let me be.

Don't fuck with me and go on shitting!

No, leave me. What do you want? I did nothing. I demand political asylum.

Excuse me, madam...

The person who arrived at the airport

together with Miss Kolman is precisely that Luigi Panacchioni.

He would be the Grand Hotel waitress?

No, he is the son. Your son, Your Highness.

Mahadi, I have a son and you're telling me this all of a sudden?

I've been trying to tell you for half an hour, Your Highness.

You told me about a waitress who worked in a big hotel.

I don't remember. I am sick.

It's been a long time.

Don't get too excited. Don't listen to him, it's all false.

Everything is true actually.

I made meticulous investigations and everything matches up.

So where is he? Get him here!

Unfortunately, someone made him disappear!

Or perhaps killed him.

Killed?

Killed?

Where are you going? STOP!

Where are you going?

I was running away. I tried.

Kneel in front of the emir's guards.

You are guilty of a serious crime.

Whoever steals a camel is punished with death by decapitation.

I returned the camel. But who will return my head?

Where's the hangman?

I am entitled to parole!

I want a lawyer!

I want a lawyer!!

I don't want to play blind man's bluff. Mama!

Help me!

Save me! They want to kill me! Wasn't the death penalty abolished?

That's him!

Your Highness, they are about to execute the man who came with me from Rome.

The execution must be stopped!

What are you talking about?

Are you capable of killing your own son?

My Son?

Yes, he is the man they are executing!

Mahadi, hurry! Stop the execution!

Immediately, Your Highness.

Oh My!

Stay strong, Abdul.

Oh my God, oh my God... - Stand up!

What happened? - The emir wants to see you.

I cannot see the emir. I can't see shit.

Get the emir here to me. I see nothing.

Then we will cutoff your head.

Where's the emir? Emir? - Let's go. Move.

Wait here. The emir will come to you personally.

Did you drop something on the floor?

You did not have it before?

You didn't have it. I noticed, you didn't have it.

Let's not play games, I didn't steal anything.

Look at this one!

Waiting for you in the Hall of Mirrors, Your Highness.

So I'm going.

I want to see him alone. I cannot share this great emotion.

Be careful, Abdul. This could be a mystification.

I don't think so.

That man doesn't know anything. I brought him here under false pretences.

The voice of our blood cannot lie.

If he is my son, he must have Kareem's mark on his skin.

What mark on the skin?

It's a bean-shaped birthmark.

On his buttocks.

It is a characteristic of all the males in our family.

Does Luigi have this birthmark?

I don't know. When I saw him naked, he didn't give me time to check.

My baby!

Who are you?

I am the emir. I have come here to see if you are the man I've been waiting for.

Let me see if an electricity is established between us.

What electricity? Did you mistake me for a light bulb?

Are you crazy?

I am not crazy. I am a great emir and you could give me joy and happiness.

If you are what I hope, we will never leave each other again.

Don't touch me. Emir, hold still. Don't make jokes.

I want to make contact with your skin. Pull down your trousers.

I'll give you a kick in the mouth. I won't pull anything down.

Aren't you ashamed at your age?

I am a great emir!

No, you're a great faggot!

Silly. What do you think I want from you?

It is not difficult to understand. You want the salami your servant missed.

I didn't want to come here. I knew I shouldn't have come here.

First they tried to shoot me, then they tried to cut my head off.

Now you want to fuck my ass?

But no, Ijust need to see if you have a bean-shaped birthmark on your buttock.

All males of our family have that birthmark.

To tell you the truth, I have the bean-shaped birthmark. What's your point?

He even had a bean-shaped birthmark.

It's the characteristic of the Kareem family.

What birthmark?

Look.

This one.

Apologies.

Come here!

Little worm from Ohio.

You also need to listen.

I came only to...

Things are getting bad.

If I fail again, Petroleum sends me to Greenland

between darkness and frost.

I swear I'll take you with me.

In the afternoon newspaper there is a photograph of the emir's son.

That's him! That miserable!

My brother welcomed him to his court with full honors.

He presented him to dignitaries, ministers, ambassadors, everyone.

So all is lost.

What did you say?

So all is lost.

Piece of shit. Piece of shit. Piece of shit.

And once again, piece of...

mshit!

Sorry, but these pointy slippers hurt me.

I'm keeping mine.

Will you hold them?

A Company car is waiting for us to visit the oil wells.

Shall we go?

We go.

Come.

Where'd they go?

There they are. Take an upright position. I'll catch them on the first shot.

OK boss, at your command.

Remember those are time bombs. You have to count to nine.

I know that, you idiot.

Where did you get these crappy bombs?

Let me see.

One, two, three..

Be careful boss, it can explode in your hand! - Seven, eight, nine!

What's going on?

Damn!

I guess we are being bombarded.

They are really mad at us.

Somebody up there hates us.

I'm going to score now.

Take care, boss.

Remember to count.

What did you say?

You aren't counting!

I'm mentally counting, you Ohio chickenshit.

Careful, otherwise we will crash.

Nine!

Speed up! Continue zigzagging.

But who are these fools?

Dickheads.

Even the bombers now.

Crazy stuff. Has war broken out?

Be careful. Count correctly.

Two, three...

What did you say? - I said be careful.

You don't have to tell me to be careful.

Do you understand? It's all your fault that we still couldn't get them.

The bomb! Oh my God, the bomb!

You threw it in the box after you took the safety off.

They are all the same in here.

How do I find the hot one?

Let me see.

That's not it.

This is it.

No, that's not it either.

It's better to throw them all down.

May you crash into a nuclear missile, you flying desert bomber!

No, I don't want it.

You have to take it, Abdul. It's good for you.

I feel much better since I am no longer taking medicine.

I started having sex with my 15 wives again.

Dad?

That's my medicine!

What's happened to you, my son?

Look, Dad...

War broke out and no one warned you.

War broke out and no one warned you.

What war are you talking about?

They bombarded us like we were a tank.

Your Highness, your son has risked his life in two bombings.

Two bombings? Almost a dozen!

They try to kill rne every two minutes here.

Who could have an interest in killing my son?

That's exactly what happened.

Facts connected to oil concessions.

Oil. Do you see what happens because of oil?

Look, Dad. Apply for a license to operate a gas station in Rome.

I don't feel like staying here anymore.

I'm going crazy, I want to go away.

I want to see you sitting on the throne, my son.

Sit on the throne, I want to see you!

I don't give a damn about the throne.

One day you will become emir.

Yes, yes, that's fine.

Sit down!

How beautiful you are! - I'm on the throne.

Everything will be fine, you'll see.

Do you know what I did?

I asked the ambassador in Rome to get your mother and bring her here.

My morn?

Yes, Ines. My sweet Ines. She was beautiful and slender as a gazelle.

How is she now?

She is chubby like a doughnut.

I have $100,000 for you, Kabir. Your work must be perfect.

You can count on me, Scioltan.

I assure you that when the escort men hear the first shots, they will flee like rats.

Have you got everything prepared yet?

Don't worry. My Bedouins will liquidate both mother and son.

Look, boss. The silhouette is the emir's son.

And this is his room.

What are you doing? Are you locking me in?

Open the door, you worm!

I was saying, this is his room.

When he opens the door to go inside...

he will be riddled with hundreds of Japanese bullets of CIA equipment.

Come with me, boss. Now let's give it a try.

Now I turn on this electronic switch and...

There?

Let me explain.

When I turn on the electronic switch, it will be like Abdul's son opening the door.

Watch. The open door will trigger the lethal weapon.

Pike, you fucking idiot. Nothing happened.

You can take your hellish device and shove it up your ass.

Put me down.

I forgot to turn the switch on.

Pike! - My boss!

Gigi, why do you want to go back to Rome?

Look how big it is. It's all your father's, it will be all yours.

I don't like this place. It's all sand.

Can't you see that there is only sand?

There is oil under the sand.

Your father is emir, I am emir...

What the fuck are you talking about?

Don't swear all the time! Fuck you! Now we are princes.

But what princes? We are simple people.

We are common people and we call a spade a spade.

I just wanted a gas pump. Nothing else. And to go home right after that.

What are you doing with the gas pump? You seem to be crazy.

You don't know that my life's dream was to meet the emir again.

Once I even wrote him a letter.

He never replied.

Mom, do you still believe in miracles?

I don't believe in miracles, I don't believe in anything anymore.

It's unbearably hot in Rome these days.

Instead we have a nice cool breeze here.

Your ass, we have air conditioning!

Try putting one hand out. It will boil.

What does it matter? Don't split hairs.

Speaking of hair: do you like this Titian red hue?

I don't like it, you were better off before.

You look scary to me. No offense, but you look like an old whore.

You are always joking.

Do you miss the hustle and bustle in Rome?

And then there is corruption, drugs...

Morn, here they sell drugs in the local markets.

Do not forget about violence.

In Rome, while taking a walk, you can find yourself in the middle of a shooting.

Hey you, where are you going?

Where are you going?

Look how ugly they are!

I want to go back to Rome.

That's the same thing I was telling you.

I've been saying this for a long time.

Get off my son!

Dickhead!

Who are you?

Who am I? Look at me.

Dattero!

Dattero?

What are you doing here dressed like that?

For God's sake, Mrs Ines is with you.

Hello!

Thank goodness! - Dattero, what are you doing here?

And what do you want me to do? I'm a Bedouin.

This is my place. I'm working with my uncle here.

So you are the Sheikh's son?

That changes everything.

Dattero, you're a wonder!

What are they saying?

I think they're saying 'Fuck you' to each other in Arabic.

Is that your uncle? What did he say to you?

He's very angry because he's giving up $100,000.

How is it possible that you are the son of the Sheikh?

It is a kind of international intrigue.

Mom, you explain it to him because I still don't understand it.

Thirty years ago I was working as a waitress at the Grand Hotel.

That's when I met the emir, who at that time was a Sheikh.

One day, I bowed to pick up a sock...

So, I'm the son of the sock.

Are you sure of what you are saying, Nadir?

Yes, sir, we obeyed your orders and left the car under fire from the Bedouins.

You just need to go and pick up their bodies.

Good. You'll write a report to your captain.

You will say that after a heroic defense,

you had to flee due to the multitude of attackers.

Tell others I will be grateful to them.

Why did you never tell me in Rome about your relationship with

Abdul el-Kareem, the emir of Qumdar?

I didn't know either.

My father has always been unknown. Suddenly he popped up.

Now he has recognized me as his son and has brought my mother here as well.

Since I arrived here, it seems that the national sport is to try to kill me.

If we hadn't met you today, we's be doomed.

I'm a bit worried. What do you think about it?

You don't have to worry. You are the son of the Sheikh and you have a lot of money.

There is oil everywhere.

If you dig a hole in the ground, oil comes out immediately.

One time, your father spit on one, and this started up like a car.

Don't overdo it.

It's all true.

Why were you so angry with us?

I don't know the whole story. I only know that the emir's brother wants to kill you

because this way he will become emir.

Scioltan?

Yes. Scioltan.

He would be my brother-in-law.

So even in this country, relatives are infamous?

Come on, let's take the car...

What car? They left us the casing.

They stole everything!

Poor Bedouins! This is their work.

Here it's worse than in Italy.

How can we go to the palace?

Allah, why were you so cruel to your humble servant?

You gave me a son and then took him back.

Don't beat yourself up, Abdul. You must accept Allah's decisions.

Your Highness, I have great news.

Your son has been saved and is on his way. I saw him together with his mother.

Allah, I thank you. I am sorry if I offended you.

Where is my son, the most beautiful flower in Allah's garden?

Where is my baby? Little flower of my emirate!

Dad, I'm sick to hell of you

to be this little flower in the garden of this crappy emirate.

What are you saying son? - I should have told you.

I should have told you. Don't snog me!

Stop snogging me!

They were going to kill both my mother and me. And you think of snogging me?

I'll introduce you to my mother now, then we need to talk alone.

Come on, Mom. Look what they've done to this poor woman!

She who came from Rome just for you!

Look at what they've done to her. - Ines, my sweet Ines.

Dickheads! Mom, be quick because I need to talk to him.

Gigi, have you seen how big and beautiful this house is?

Sure, the house is beautiful, but it's full of assholes. Dad included.

Where's Scioltan?

I'm here.

You're the one. You wanted us to be killed by Bedouins.

You're a jerk.

Dad! There he is, that infamous man! He is the cuckold who paid the Bedouins.

That's enough now! You are a savage camel thief!

You are an enemy of Allah. You are a filthy impostor.

Jerk again. - You deserve to die!

Go wash your face in the bidet because you have a face like a smacked ass.

Forget it, say no more. I'll take care of him.

Mother, don't get involved. - Do you have evidence of his betrayal?

Here you have it.

That horrible dwarf. There is your evidence.

You're fucked up now!

Hangman! You big villain!

You son of a bitch! I'm going to get you.

The door!

I'll kill you!

You have to tell me everything. Confess!

You're a rat. Drive! Back to the palace.

I will say everything.

You have to spit out all you have in that belly full of worms.

You dirty bastard. Hurry up and don't scream.

Myhmn

lf you don't tell the truth, I'll rip them all off.

I'll skin you, you infamous villain!

That's it.

I am glad to know that everything you said was the truth.

After Pike's confession, Scioltan will be exiled and you will become heir to the throne.

Do you understand, Gigi?

Of course I understand, Mum.

Your Highness, this is your room.

My room is the one opposite yours.

May Allah keep you company.

He called me Highness. But I'm only 1,58 meter.

Different measures are used here, Mum.

Who is this Mr. Allah who is to keep me company? I want to sleep alone.

Don't be afraid. Allah would be like Our Lady of Divine Love in Rome.

What if tonight your father feels like doing something with me? If he doesn't marry me...

Mama, he has 15 other wives. Before he chooses you... Take it easy!

I'll have your cappuccino brought in the morning. Don't get excited.

Good night, my little emir.

Look, Mama. My room is over there. Call me if you need anything.

Be quiet. Bye.

Bye. Who will prepare your egg?

I will beat it alone. Don't worry.

Gigi! - What happened, Mum?

I am afraid. I don't want to be there. - Why?

There is a round bed. Which side do I put my head on?

Stay with me. Come with me, please. - Don't worry, I'll sing you a lullaby.

Stay with me until I fall asleep. Afterwards do what you want.

I also sing you the Roma anthem. Let's go.

I'm here to teach you American football.

The game is played with this oval ball.

Play begins in the center of the field and the ball is thrown forward.

Are you guys following me? So, be careful.

American football is a very violent game. - Boss?

What do you want?

They are calling you on the radiotelephone. - Me?

Did they mention my name?

No, they just said, "ls that asshole there?"

They are undoubtedly looking for me.

There are no more doubts. Scioltan was responsible for everything.

When death came to him,

they found a dagger in his hand with which he wanted to kill the Sheikh's son.

By the way, who could have put that infernal machine in Gigi's room?

I think I know. But he can no longer harm us.

Moreover, our contract has been renewed.

Are you happy? Now you have all the oil you want.

Yes. But you will become one of the richest men in the world.

I am forced to marry an Arab woman, but I want you as my spare wife.

Thank you. But I have to go on a mission to Venezuela.

We also have oil wells there.

Maybe you didn't understand, but I am a kind of O07.

Yes, with the licence to shag.

Good. Come here.

Dad? When is Mum coming?

I don't know. My favourite is this one here. Your mother means nothing to me.

Are you crazy? What do you mean my mother means nothing to you?

What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?

Dad, could you stop making out?

Right before my eyes!

My mother is emir.

You make her look like a cuckold in front of everyone.

She will never be emir. I am not going to marry that bin.

Who are you calling "bin"?

You have a belly that makes you look like a tanker truck full of shit.

Good evening!

Here is my mother. How dare you call her a bin? Look at her, she looks like a bonbonniere.

What's my throne? Next to my husband's?

Your husband? That one is a naughty man.

Gigi, you have offended me seriously!

And you, what throne are you talking about?

You're only a concubine!

To whom did you say concubine? Gigi, this one's crazy!

Watch your mouth. I will destroy your palace!

I'll burn your oil wells!

Get off, let me tell this asshole the truth! - You're dirty!

Who do you think you are? Do you really think Gigi is your son?

At that time, I was making love

to an English colonel, an Italian duke and Rossano Brazzi!

Now did you understand who my mother is?

She was not a ordinary bitch!

Did you understand? - This son is just my son alone!

Anol you are a son of a camel. Fuck you and your father, that dromedary.

Let's go, mom.

Get a doctor, quickly! My heart!

Calm down, it's nothing. We will take care of everything.

Ali Baba, my father is a jerk.

Ali Baba, may he die murdered.

Monnezza is a boy from the Tufello neighborhood

who insists on knowing how he was born.

The mother replied to him, "My love,

you are the son of a sheikh who deceived us.

This wretched cuckold has deceived us.

Every morning, he wipes his ass with gasoline.

Ali Baba, may he die murdered.

Ali Baba, my father is a jerk.

Nobody move. This is a hijacking!

Ali Baba...

We're fucked up!