Original subtitles

They call him Merlin Jones

the scrambled egghead.

Merlin Jones

the campus kook

but my heart's whirlin'

I'm the girl in love with Merlin Jones.

I heard weird noises late one night

as I passed the science wing

I looked inside, and there he was

workin' on the darndest thing

the thing got up and buzzed and beeped

and walked right out the door.

And Merlin said

at last it works!

I wonder what it's for.

We call him Merlin Jones

the scrambled egghead.

Merlin Jones

the campus kook

but her heart's whirlin'

she's the girl in love with Merlin Jones

although I know his way out brain

is on cloud nine

his kisses make me want to be his Mrs...

Frankenstein

call him crazy, call him mad

with oddball overtones

all I know is I got it bad

for Mr. Merlin Jones.

Lots of fellas in the school

have asked her out on dates

but this brainy way out wig

is the only one that rates

I can't help bein' proud of him

when he puts his brain in gear

although a voice inside me cries

get me out of here!

We call him Merlin Jones

the scrambled egghead.

Merlin Jones

the campus kook

but her heart's whirlin'

she's the girl in love with Merlin Jones

although I know his way out brain

is on cloud nine

his kisses make me want to be his Mrs...

Frankenstein

call him crazy, call him mad

with oddball overtones

all I know is I got it bad

for Mr. Merlin Jones

Mr. Merlin Jones

love my Merlin Jones.

Hiya, Jen!

Hello, Norman.

Hey, what's the big rush?

I have a class.

Hey, listen, Jen.

The lettermen's ball is next Saturday.

It'll be the swingingest deal of the year...

sorry, Norman, I already have a date next Saturday.

Merlin Jones? Yes.

What's he got that I haven't got?

I'm afraid I don't have enough time to answer that.

Listen, Jennifer, I can do things for you.

I mean, I'm a big man on this campus.

I don't like to brag, but... oh, of course not.

You take last week's football game.

Who scored the winning touchdown?

Who fumbled twice and cost US two touchdowns?

Could've happened to anyone.

Well, who coached most of the players in math?

You know, if it weren't for Merlin,

midvale wouldn't have a team.

You'd all have flunked.

Hi, Jen. Hi, Merlin.

Hey, the brain's going out for football.

Not exactly. You see this is...

what position you gonna play, Jones?

Drawback?

Oh, lay off.

I can see Merlin now,

smashing his way through a tough, heavy line.

A line of Latin, I mean!

And can't you hear the crowd roar

when he tackles a physics problem!

Listen, you all-American lunkhead...

watch what you're saying, Jones!

Norman, don't you think it's about time

you fed the animals in the lab?

Yeah, and don't forget

to clean the cages while you're at it.

Don't pay any attention to him, Merlin.

Musclehead.

You know, going after you

is the first sign of intelligence he's ever shown.

Well, it won't do him any good.

Don't forget, you promised to drive me into town.

I won't forget.

I'll pick you up right after your class. Okay.

Merlin Jones!

You were supposed to pick me up an hour ago,

and here you are reading a newspaper!

But it's part of an experiment, Jen.

Now look at this.

I've been working on it for months.

It's kind of a super sensitive electroencephalograph,

and it picks up the brain waves

put out by any kind of mental activity.

That's fascinating, but you were supposed to...

let's dance.

Merlin, be serious!

Even an activity like dancing

must have a distinctive brain wave pattern.

Let me see.

Adjust the rheostat. And the oscillator.

That's it.

Dancing brainwaves

look, look at the difference

between the reading and the dancing brain waves.

Are you gonna drive me into town or not?

Kiss me. What?!

No, I mean it, kiss me.

Not here in the science building!

What better place for a scientific experiment?

Jenny, I want to see what kind

of a brain wave reaction I have

when you kiss me.

Besides, there's nobody around.

Well, if it's part of a scientific experiment,

I suppose it's all right.

Mmm, wow! Look at that!

Now that is what I call a kiss.

Interesting.

But can we go now?

Uh-uh. It's your turn now.

Me? Mm-hmm.

You put this on, and now I kiss you.

You sure this comes under the heading of science?

Absolutely, yeah. All right.

What's wrong?

Well, there's plenty wrong.

Jenny, is that all I mean to you?

I mean, the graph doesn't lie.

I know, but...

look, something's unplugged.

Oh, well, we gotta try it again then.

UN-uh, now you're driving me into town.

Well, okay, if you'll help me load this stuff in the car.

In the car? Mm-hmm.

I want to show you something. Look here.

"Judge holmsby cracks down on traffic violators.

"In a speech yesterday,

"judge holmsby deplored the increase"

"in traffic violations"

"among the students of midvale college."

The judge said, quote,

"that the only way to handle the problem

was to mete out the maximum penalties..."

I know, I heard it on the radio.

But what does that have to do

with putting this stuff in the car?

Well, Jenny, don't you see?

I'll have this all hooked up in the car while I'm driving.

Then I can find out what goes on

in the average driver's mind.

Merlin, that's ridiculous.

All scientific experiments seem ridiculous at first.

But I don't mind seeming ridiculous

if I can help find the cause of this traffic problem.

I don't know, Merlin.

One more of your experiments while driving,

and the judge is gonna throw the book at you.

Oh, Jenny, don't worry.

The judge'll appreciate what I'm doing.

Don't you see? He needs my help.

Wow, Merlin, dig that crazy hat!

Where'd you get that crazy hat?

Do you hear that?

That's a new one.

Something really is happening to my brain.

The vibrations are getting bigger and bigger!

You're practically off the tape!

Let me see your driver's license.

Merlin Jones. Yes.

And you're a student at the college. Mm-hmm.

And you don't have the slightest idea

why I stopped you.

No, officer, we don't.

And you're a student too.

Yes, sir.

You college kids gotta learn

you can't fool around in traffic

and get away with it.

Oh, well, we weren't fooling around...

no, these grow right out the top of your head, eh?

Oh, no, sir.

It's part of a scientific experiment.

You see, this is a modification

of the ordinary basic electroencephalograph,

only much more sensitive.

Now, my brain puts out waves

which are picked up on these electrodes...

okay, okay, college boy.

Double talk won't do you any good at all.

You just sign here.

You mean you won't even let him explain?

Sign the ticket.

Don't do it, Merlin.

Refuse to sign

until you've had a chance to explain.

Okay.

Merlin can explain. So can you, young lady.

In front of judge holmsby.

Judge holmsby?

Oh, no.

Oh!

And I've been recording the patterns

made by electrical energy given off by the brain

during various periods of mental activity.

Now the Alpha waves,

or the brain waves that appear

on the ordinary electroencephalograph,

appear only when the mind is at rest.

But are blocked out completely

when a person concentrates.

Now I've been able to pick these Alpha waves

even during periods of concentrated mental activity.

Such as driving in traffic.

Now look, judge.

Here's where he saw the officer.

Yes, that's very interesting, very interesting.

I...

young man, would you mind removing that... Headgear?

Oh, yes, your honor.

Your interest in science is commendable,

but you are to conduct your experiments

in the laboratory and not while driving a car.

Driving requires your entire concentration.

But that's just the point, sir.

You see, I have to concentrate completely

when I drive,

otherwise I don't get the reading I want.

I'm afraid I'm not getting through to you, young man.

You are not to conduct your experiments

while driving in traffic.

Is that clear?

But, judge, that's interference

with the freedom of scientific inquiry.

A month ago, you were arrested for...

"Illegal use of a siren on a motor vehicle."

Uh, well, sir, actually, that wasn't a siren.

You see, a siren produces its tone

by interrupting a current of air

with a set of rotating perforated discs.

Now I managed to get exactly the same tone

but by an entirely new scientific principle.

So technically that wasn't a siren.

Did it sound like a siren?

Yes, sir, exactly.

Then in the eyes and the ears of the law,

it was a siren.

And before that, you were stopped

for creating a traffic hazard.

Green exhaust.

Oh, yes, sir.

I was experimenting with some new forms of hydrocarbon.

I do not care to learn

how you arrived at green exhaust.

It's enough that the green clouds

rising from your car

attracted and distracted

motorists and pedestrians alike,

creating a traffic hazard and a public nuisance.

I think you're being very unjust, your honor.

In what way?

Well, in the first place, it wasn't really green.

It was more of a chartreuse.

And secondly, it was much more attractive

than the dirty old black stuff.

And thirdly...

that'll do, that'll do, young lady.

In order to impress upon you

the serious responsibility

attached to the deadly weapon called the automobile,

I'm going to suspend your license for a while.

But, judge...

you will return to this court ten days from this date.

Next case.

Now really, your honor,

I think that was unfair, uncalled for,

and probably unconstitutional.

Professor, is that you?

Have you seen my briefcase?

I think I must've left it here this afternoon.

Your briefcase. Uh, wait a minute.

The last place I remember it was...

Turn the switch off!

Go on, turn it off!

I can't move!

Ohh.

Are you all right?

Yes, sir. I think so.

No burns or anything?

No.

Well, you better be more careful next time.

I've had some screwy students in my time,

but this kid's got 'em all beat.

I'm not screwy, sir. I'm just inquisitive.

But I didn't say it. I thought it.

But I heard it.

There, you did it again!

Did what?

You heard something I didn't say.

How could I do that?

I don't know.

But you did.

I did?

How could that have happened?

Wait a minute.

That shock I got must've charged my brain in some way

so that I was able to pick up

the electrical energy sent out by your thoughts.

And... professor, if you'd like,

we can set up some experiments.

No, I'm afraid I can't.

I have to leave town tonight,

and I have, um, something to take care of

before I go.

Ah, there it is.

Wait a minute, sir.

Whatever it is, I'll be glad to help you with it.

And then we'll have time...

no, I don't think so.

It's something I have to do myself.

Yes, sir.

I'd rather spend my last evening

with Marie cartier than with Merlin Jones.

I don't blame you. She's very pretty.

Who is?

Miss cartier.

I take her class in intermediate French.

Well, i...

listen, Merlin, whatever this thing is that you have,

you'd better be careful how you go around

butting into other people's thoughts.

I'm sorry.

People have a right to the privacy

of their own minds.

Well, sure they do. I just...

you go poking into people's thoughts

with your electrified brain, you'll get in trouble.

I'll be careful about that in the future, sir.

And another thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone about this... Phenomenon.

Not even Jennifer?

Especially not Jennifer.

Do you have any books

on mind reading or thought hearing?

Fiction is on the second floor.

Oh, no, I don't want fiction.

I want scientific, factual material

on the electrification of a person's brain

so that it becomes sensitized

to pick up other people's thoughts.

The poor boy's been studying too hard.

Oh, no, I'm lucky.

I don't have to study very hard.

It comes easy to me.

What did you say?

Nothing.

What I meant was...

Do you mind if I just sort of look around by myself?

Merlin Jones. The perfect pigeon!

I can squeeze ten bucks out of him

with a sob story anyone else would laugh at.

Henry, could you loan me ten bucks?

Eh.

Sorry.

Jennifer's lucky.

I wish I had someone like Merlin

to help me with math.

Hmm! And he's certainly cute.

Yes, he is cute.

In a weird sort of way.

Man, I dig this swinging quiet.

Hey...

A crazy place for grinding out a real cool poem.

Clam in your wet sand pad

too hip for mankind's bread love.

When...

The diggers who don't dig

are bugged by the chowder troubles.

The chowder troubles.

The chowder troubles.

"Zachary Taylor.

"The 11th man to be president of the United States

"in his inaugural address

on march 5, 1849, said..."

I'd give anything for a hot fudge sundae.

All hail Macbeth.

All hail Macbeth.

Macbeth.

MacDonald.

Ted MacDonald!

That's it.

I can borrow ten from him, and...

no, I still owe him 20.

As soon as my mustache grows in, I'll look older.

Then they'll start taking me seriously around here.

Something should be sprouting any day now.

I haven't shaved for six weeks.

"Individuals

"whose integrity and character

will furnish ample portions of cherry pie."

No!

Chowder troubles.

The chowder troubles.

The chowder troubles.

"A" plus "b" cubed equals the square of...

uh, square.

The blue chiffon is too square for the fraternity ball.

Harry Gilbert... no.

I need something spectacular like the black velvet.

And by the time I grew the beard,

I'd be out of college.

Nobody's seen the green satin.

Because I hate it.

Quiet!

Shh!

What is it, Merlin?

Jenny, I've gotta get out of here.

It's too noisy. Noisy?

I've gotta be at the campus cafe.

I've gotta go to work.

I'll drive you as soon as I get my book.

What does a dish like Jennifer

see in a meatball like Merlin?

Merlin Jones, the campus creep.

Pure 100% creep.

You know, speaking of creeps.

Who said anything about creeps?

Oh, I did just now.

You are a creep.

Say that again.

You are a creep.

Why, you...

Come on, Jen, let's get out of here.

I'll be late for work.

Rowdiness will not be tolerated in this library.

You will pick up every one of those books

and return it to its proper place.

There's the great legal mind who suspended my license.

Boy, I'd love for him to order a nice hot bowl of soup.

"Oops! I'm sorry, your honor!

Gee, I'm sorry."

Don't take it so hard, Merlin.

It's only for ten days.

Besides, I'll drive you any place you want to go.

Aw, thanks, Jenny.

Science-hating old goat.

Poor Merlin.

I really am worried about him.

Why are you worried about me?

How'd you know what I was thinking?

Because...

Because you just look worried, that's why.

Well, I am.

I don't like you waiting on the judge's table.

Why not?

Because you're so angry at him.

I'm afraid you're gonna do something foolish

like spilling soup all over him.

Oh!

And when you go back to court, Merlin,

he'll throw the book at you.

Oh, don't worry.

I won't spill anything on him.

Although it's a beautiful idea.

Coffee, sir?

A tiger by the tail.

That's what I've got. A tiger by the tail.

The trouble is, each crime I commit

has to be bigger than the one before.

Coffee, sir?

Yes, coffee, thank you.

The bank swindle and the forgeries

seem mild now.

The payroll robbery was the highpoint of my career.

I never thought I'd have to top it.

I said I wanted coffee, please.

Yes, sir.

Jenny, come here.

Did you ever hear of a payroll robber around here?

Yes, the acme... shh!

The acme payroll robbery.

The papers were full of it.

Who did it? Nobody knows.

What's this all about? Shh!

I've always been able to use my knowledge of law

to make my crimes successful,

and I don't like to resort to violence.

But if murder is the only way

to safeguard the stolen diamonds,

then murder it will be.

I'm sorry, judge.

Don't be too upset, son. Accidents do happen.

Haven't you appeared before me in court?

Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, now I remember.

I believe I suspended your driver's license.

Well, I hope this was an accident,

because an attitude of resentment against the law

could only lead to further trouble.

Right, captain.

And the same man

who engineered the acme payroll robbery

is involved in other crimes too.

And he's right here in midvale.

Right under our noses.

Mm-hmm.

Look, was there a big diamond robbery here lately?

Maybe he means that diamond merchant

that was slugged about six months ago.

Did you ever find out who did it, huh?

No, but the insurance company put more men on it

than we have on the whole force,

and they never found a lead either.

Did you ever get the diamonds back?

No.

Well, this same man is responsible

for this crime too.

Okay, where do we find this one-man crime wave?

In the courthouse.

Who is it?

Judge holmsby.

That's not very funny.

No, I'm telling you the truth.

Judge holmsby is responsible

for the acme payroll robbery,

the theft of the diamonds, and for other crimes

you don't have all the facts on yet.

I don't suppose you have any evidence

to support this wild charge.

I overheard him mentioning his crimes.

That's not good enough.

All the same, I wouldn't mind

having something on that old goat.

You investigate him

and you'll have plenty on that old goat.

Huh?

He's giving the police a hard time now.

What'll he do if he finds out we're investigating him?

Investigate the other guy.

We'll investigate him

and see what turns up.

What other man?

The one you heard him talking to.

Here's the file you asked for, captain.

Oh, thank you.

But there is no other man.

You said you overheard him talking about his crimes.

Who was he talking to?

Well, he wasn't talking to anybody.

He was just sort of... Thinking.

Out loud?

No, to himself.

It says here that judge holmsby

suspended your license for ten days.

Yeah.

And that you're supposed to appear

in his court again next week.

Yeah, but what does that have to do...

well, you sure picked the wrong way

to win friends and influence judges.

You not only could've gotten yourself

in big trouble,

you could've had US all in a mess.

Oh, wait a minute.

You don't think I'm just making this up

to try and get even with the judge.

I'm telling you the truth.

Get out of here

before I book you.

You guys got the wrong idea!

Out!

Hi, Jen.

Are you still worrying about your license?

Nope, I've gone on to bigger things.

Bigger worries? Mm-hmm.

Stolen diamonds.

Maybe even a murder.

Oh, Merlin.

Jenny, I'm on the track of a big criminal,

but no one'll believe me.

How did you get on this track?

That's a secret I can't tell anyone.

Not even me?

Especially not you, Jenny.

Well, if that's the way

you feel about me, Merlin Jones...

oh, sit down, will ya?

I'm not supposed to tell anyone,

but I have to, or I'll explode.

You promise to keep my secret?

I promise.

I can hear people's thoughts.

Merlin, no one can hear another person's thoughts.

And it's a good thing too.

Wouldn't it be terrible if a girl's own thoughts

weren't private?

I had an accident in the lab the other night,

and in some peculiar way my brain was electrified

and I can hear people's thoughts.

I don't believe you. You're just teasing.

Test me!

Oh, Merlin.

No, I'm serious. Go ahead, test me.

Think of something.

All right.

Take my hand.

Think of something else.

Kiss my hand.

I believe you now. It's fantastic!

Is that you got on the track of the criminal?

That's exactly how.

Well, who is it?

Judge holmsby.

Judge holmsby?!

Shh!

That is ridiculous.

I overheard him thinking

about crimes he's been involved in,

and a murder he's planning.

Murder?! Merlin, are you sure?

I'm positive, Jenny. I'm absolutely positive.

Well, then in case there's just one thing to do.

What?

You've got to turn your information over to the police.

Oh, I've already done that. They don't believe me.

They're so scared of the judge

they're afraid to investigate.

What are you going to do?

I'll conduct my own investigation.

Good afternoon, your honor.

Oh, hello.

What was that?

Did you hear what he was thinking?

The piece of paper was a reminder.

"Don't forget to call plumber to fix leak."

Come on!

Where to? Judge holmsby's house.

But the judge is here.

That's just the idea. Let's go!

Hey, you take these, huh?

You're supposed to be the helper.

Unh!

Merlin! Shh!

Plumber, ma'am.

Judge holmsby said there's a leak to be fixed.

What's that? That's my assistant.

Come along.

In my day, plumbers looked like plumbers,

but you two.

I guess I shouldn't complain.

It's a miracle the judge remembered

to call any plumber.

But if it were one of his roses that were ailing,

you can sure he'd have it attended to in a minute.

Now look, this faucet's been drip-dripping

like a Chinese torture for two months,

with the judge saying every night,

"tomorrow I'll call the plumber."

Your worries are over, ma'am. We'll get right to it.

Good, that drip-dripping's been a nuisance.

Search the desk.

Merlin. What?

What am I searching for?

Evidence.

Money that could be traced to the payroll robbery,

diamonds, things like that.

Oh.

What are you doing?

I'm fixing the leak.

What are you doing that for?

Well, this constant drip-drip-dripping

can be a nuisance.

We've been here over an hour

and haven't accomplished anything yet.

Well, I fixed the leak.

But we haven't found any money or diamonds.

And even if there's a wall safe

hidden behind one of these books,

it's not likely to be open.

Well, it might be.

Merlin, I'm scared.

We've been here too long and it's dangerous.

Wait a minute, I just found something.

Look at these.

The payroll robbery by Lex fortas.

The bank swindle by Lex fortas.

The forger...

Jenny, do you know what this means?

Sure, it means he like Lex fortas mystery novels.

I like them too.

No, no, no, the difference is you read 'em

just for amusement.

He keeps 'em in a place of honor in his library.

This where he gets his ideas for his crimes.

It is?

From now on I'm relentless.

I won't leave a private thought

in judge holmsby's head.

Come on.

I have to figure out a way of hiding the diamonds.

I have to...

oh, more water, sir.

No, no, no, no!

That's the fourth time you've filled that glass

and I haven't drunk any yet.

Just trying to be helpful, sir.

Well, go help someone else. Spread it around a little.

Yes, sir.

I know.

I'll use Gloria Monday for this.

Yes, of course, Gloria Monday.

Uh, let me get you some more fresh bread, sir.

No, no, no! I never eat bread.

Now will you... Run along.

A real lead.

Look through the telephone book

and see if you can find a woman named Gloria Monday.

How do you spell it?

Well, try every way you can think of,

but find out where she lives.

She's his accomplice. Okay.

How about some dessert, sir?

No, thank you. I never eat dessert.

Oh, we have something special today.

Homemade peach pie. No.

Yes, sir.

Wait a minute. Peach pits!

What, sir?

I didn't say anything.

Bring me a plate of peach pits.

Yes, sir.

No, Gloria.

See if you have a listing for a Gloria Monday,

with the last name spelled m-o-n-d-a-y.

That's right.

Here you are, sir.

Thank you.

It's perfect.

I'll spilt them in half,

scoop out the insides,

and place a diamond in each one.

Then I'll glue the halves together,

dig a shallow hole under the Rose bush.

I'll try it this afternoon as soon as I get home,

and see what I have to do

to cover up the traces of digging.

What do you want?

Uh, nothing, sir.

I thought you might like your peach pits a la mode.

No, of course not.

Would you please...

yes, sir.

Well, then try m-a-u-n-d-y.

Forget about that.

The case is busted wide open.

Now the police will believe me!

What are you wasting my time

with this troublemaking kid for?

Tell the captain the stuff you told me.

Captain, I've been conducting my own investigation.

I got into his house by posing as a plumber.

And first of all, I found books on crime.

Yeah, that isn't exactly what I had in mind.

Tell the captain how you found out about the judge.

I heard his thoughts.

What is this, April 1st?

You see, I wanted to tell you before,

but I couldn't.

But I was experimenting in the lab with a new form

of electroencephalography,

and this accidental charge...

oh, never mind all that scientific stuff.

Just show the captain how it works.

Fine.

Captain, think of something.

I think this kid's lost his marbles.

Mm-mm. I haven't lost my marbles.

Everything I'm telling you is true.

He did it.

He did it!

Does kohner still have

that bank job suspect in the polygraph room?

The lie detector. That's a great idea.

Yeah, come on.

We think this fella's one of the men

that held up the midvale bank

and killed a guard.

We don't have any real evidence, though,

and we don't know who is partner is.

That's right, kid. Maybe you can help.

Sure.

Were you in midvale yesterday?

Yes.

Were you in the midvale bank?

Nope.

Did you hold up the bank?

Nope.

This whole roomful of cops

couldn't track down a tired jaywalker.

Did someone help you hold up the bank?

I already told you. I didn't do it.

Just answer yes or no, please.

Okay.

Did someone help you hold up the bank?

Nope.

They can't make that rap stick

if they put glue on it.

I got 'em up a tree.

You're getting something? What?

He thinks he's got you up a tree.

He's right.

Did you use a .38 caliber Smith & Wesson?

Nope.

Come on, coppers, give up.

You can't pin nothing on me.

I want to catch up with my buddy in west haven

and start living it up.

I'm afraid he's too tough a nut for US to crack.

Wait a minute. Huh?

Ask him if his partner is in west haven.

Oh.

Just a moment, kohner.

Is your accomplice in west haven?

That was just a lucky guess.

Answer the question.

Is your accomplice in west haven?

How could I have an accomplice?

I already told you I didn't do it.

They don't know nothing about lipton.

The rod is safe at the bottom of the river.

Do you know anyone in west haven?

No.

Well, now let me put it another way.

Hmm?

Oh!

All right, kohner, we won't need the polygraph anymore.

His partner just confessed.

That's the oldest trick in the book.

The west haven police just picked up

a man named lipton.

Lipton said you were the one who shot that bank guard

and that you threw the gun into the river.

He's lying!

Lipton's a dirty rat.

He's a fink!

The whole caper was his idea.

The rod was his too.

And he's the one that drilled the guard.

He ain't gonna pin that on me, 'cause i...

wait a minute, take it easy.

Just relax.

Sit down, make yourself comfortable,

and dictate your confession slowly.

We won't need that thing anymore, kohner.

We have something better.

I never saw anything like that in 30 years of police work.

Yeah, we've could've worked on him forever

without getting anywhere.

You sure did the trick.

Oh, thanks, captain.

And now back to the holmsby case.

Oh, that.

Give me the rest of the file on the bank job.

The diamonds are hidden

under a rosebush in judge holmsby's backyard.

How do you know?

I heard him plan it.

All we have to do is get a shovel

and dig 'em up.

It's not that simple.

Okay, if you don't have a shovel, I'll get you one.

The judge has hundreds of rosebushes.

Fine, we just dig until we find the right one.

Hold it, now you can't go digging up

the judge's backyard without a warrant.

Okay, we gotta get a warrant. Who do we see to get one?

Judge holmsby.

Now listen, kid,

this business of hearing the judge's thoughts,

how are you going to go before a court

with something like that?

I demonstrated it to you.

Yeah, that's right, you did. And it was a good truck.

Very clever.

Trick? That wasn't a trick.

That was a scientific phenomenon!

All right, it was a scientific phenomenon.

But we'd still look silly trying to prove it in court.

The captain's right.

Yeah, look, you did help US out

back there in the polygraph room,

but let's just settle for that

and forget about the judge and his roses, huh?

Wait a minute, I'm telling you

where the stolen diamonds are.

Are you so scared of a judge

you're afraid to dig a little hole in his backyard?

Yes.

The press would really have

a field day with that one.

Messing around with the judge's roses

is dangerous.

He loves them better than his life.

All right, I'll give the press a field day.

Take the whole story to the papers.

And I'll expose the judge as criminal,

and the famous midvale police department as chicken!

Listen, kid you'd better behave yourself,

or the first thing you know, we'll pull you in.

Me?!

You don't have anything on me!

That plumber bit you told US about.

That's illegal entry.

That's worth maybe five years.

There's hundreds of them.

Which one are the diamonds buried under?

Well, we'll just have to dig 'em all up

until we find the right one.

Go on, dig.

Once I got the idea for concealing the diamonds,

the book practically wrote itself.

I finished it in no time at all.

Thank goodness it's over with

and you're through being Lex fortas for a while.

You know, you get as crotchety as an old bear

when you're having trouble with a book.

No more, Mrs. Gossett.

From now on I'm genial judge holmsby.

Kindly in manner, gentle in spirit,

and a man whose feelings stay unruffled

in the face of disaster.

Thank you.

Oh, what lovely roses. Smell!

Never mind that now. We're looking for diamonds.

And be quiet.

Why do you have to mail it tonight?

The post office is closed anyway.

I know, but I'm anxious to get it out of the house.

Well, I don't mind getting you

out of the house for a while.

Give me a chance to straighten up in here.

Judge, judge!

Yes, this is judge holmsby's housekeeper,

and there are prowlers in our garden.

Oh, thank you, sir.

I've got 'em. I've got 'em!

Look!

Merlin, that's wonderful!

If you have weapons, drop them!

Raise your hands above your head.

Give yourselves up peacefully and...

Merlin Jones.

What's going on out here?

Prowlers, judge. We've got them surrounded.

They're not prowlers. They're the nice plumbers.

Oh, no!

Look what've they done to my Rose garden.

Gloria Monday!

Oh, you're mistaken judge. My name is Jennifer.

Gloria Monday.

Gloria Monday is a Rose?

Arrest him, officer. Here are the stolen diamonds.

Those are the diamonds?

I would've sworn they were peach pits.

Of course they're peach pits.

The diamonds are hidden inside.

Oh?

Where did you find them?

Under this rosebush. Oh?

Right where the judge hid 'em.

Well, judge.

In some strange way I don't understand,

this young man seems to have found me out.

Well, I guess there's nothing for me to do

except make a confession.

Do you realize what you're saying, judge?

Suppose we all go inside

and do this in a civilized manner.

Hmph!

What I have to say

will no doubt be something of a shock to all of you.

Maybe not as much as a shock as you think.

Maybe not.

It's been my experience that an alert police force

is seldom fooled for long.

Thank you.

For years now I have been leading

a double life.

In the daytime, I'm a judge,

dedicated to upholding the law.

And at night, I've led a life steeped in crime.

I have to warn you,

judge holmsby, that anything you say

may be used in evidence against you.

Yes, I suppose it will.

You may continue. Thank you.

But before I go into details,

I would like you to ask

that you treat me with leniency

and consideration.

I'm sorry, judge,

but I won't agree to any deals

until I've heard your full confession.

Of course.

They really enjoy having me over a barrel.

Why not, judge?

You enjoy having other people over a barrel.

That's right, I heard what you were thinking.

You heard my thoughts?

That's how we got on to you, judge.

This young fella got himself electrified in some way

so he can tune in onto what you're thinking.

As a forward-looking police force,

naturally we take advantage

of the latest scientific developments.

Naturally.

Well, you don't have to read minds

to learn about my crimes.

You can find out by reading books.

My books.

As Lex fortas, I write novels about crime.

I do not commit crimes.

Except in the opinion of certain literary critics.

The words this young man overheard

related to my latest novel.

I mailed the manuscript to my publisher tonight.

Lex fortas!

Well, I'm glad to meet you, Lex.

I-I mean, Mr. Fortas, your honor.

Judge, I've read every one of your books.

I can hardly wait for the next one to come out.

Thank you, young lady.

Well, captain, I've tried to be

the best judge I know how.

Maybe I've been a little rough on the police department,

and I'm prepared to be a little more reasonable

in the future if...

if what?

If the police will agree to keep the fact

that I'm Lex fortas a secret.

It's a deal. Right, Hutchins?

Right!

I promise too, your honor.

Thank you.

And as for you, young man,

I believe we're destined

to meet again... In court.

Yes, sir.

Tomorrow morning.

Merlin Jones!

A license to drive an automobile is not a right,

it's a privilege.

It may be... at times it must be withdrawn

if that privilege is abused.

This court has found

that you're guilty of abusing that privilege.

You said you were the victim of circumstantial evidence.

Well, recently this court has seen

how deceptive circumstantial evidence can be.

Hmm.

Therefore I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt

and restoring your license.

Thank you, your honor.

Come here, young man.

Remember this.

A man's home is his castle.

But a man's mind is even more private,

more precious.

No one has the right

to violate the privacy of another person's mind.

Or to put it plainly,

don't got butting into other people's thoughts.

I'll remember that, sir.

Never again.

I had a feeling that he'd return your license.

I knew things would be different today.

I feel kind of different.

I haven't heard any thoughts today.

Maybe the charge is gone.

Well, let's find out.

Okay, what am I thinking?

Well... hmm.

Wrong.

That's not what I was thinking.

I know.

But that's what I was thinking.

Now, of course, it is only recently

that science has begun to give the subject of hypnotism

any serious attention,

and there are many questions still to be answered.

Hypnotism has been successfully used

as anesthesia in many cases.

It has been used to alter personality

and to plumb the depths of the unconscious.

And through hypnotism, it is claimed

a being may be helped to realize

his full potential.

I shall conclude my lecture

with a small demonstration of hypnosis.

I always thought hypnosis was hocus pocus stuff.

We wouldn't getting a lecture on it

if it were hocus pocus.

Merlin Jones.

Would you come up here, please?

Yes, sir.

Sit down, please.

And make yourself comfortable.

First I want to assure you

that this experiment will be absolutely harmless to you,

and in fact will be rather pleasant.

Yes, sir.

Look at me, please.

Look into my eyes.

Concentrate on my voice.

My eyes and my voice.

Your entire body will begin to feel

pleasantly heavy.

Pleasantly heavy.

And you will fall into a deep pleasant sleep.

A deep pleasant sleep.

Your eyes are very heavy now.

It's very difficult to keep them open.

You can't keep them open.

And you fall into a deep, pleasant

hypnotic sleep.

Now, when I count to three,

you will open your eyes.

You will hear nothing but my voice,

and only when I speak directly to you.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir.

Very well.

One...

Two...

Three.

You will hear nothing but my voice.

Well, it seems to have awakened most of you,

but as you can see,

he didn't hear it at all.

This is a potato.

It is scrubbed clean, ready to be cooked.

But we'll use it raw.

Do you like apples?

Yes, sir, very much.

Good.

I'm going to give you this apple.

I want you to eat it and see if you can guess

what variety it is.

A delicious, a Jonathan,

a pippin, a winesap, or whatever.

Mmm! Delicious.

You think it's a delicious apple.

Now why do you think that?

Oh, no, sir, I don't think it's a delicious apple.

I mean, the apple is delicious.

I see.

But what kind of apple is it?

I have to take another bite.

Help yourself.

This is the best apple I have ever tasted.

But I still can't figure out what kind it is.

Would you like to eat the rest of it?

Very much, sir.

I love apples.

Go ahead.

We'll try another experiment.

Miss Harris, would you come up here, please?

Would you taste that, please?

Why, it's water.

Right!

Plain h20.

Thank you, miss Harris.

Merlin, I'm going to give you

this glass of whiskey.

90 proof whiskey. Taste it.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I don't drink.

He resists a command that's contrary

to his own basic code.

Some authorities believe that by persistent effort

the individual's moral code may be broken down.

Well, we don't have time to test that theory,

but as you will see, it is possible

to get around the subject's basic scruples.

Merlin, I know you're not a drinker,

but this is an experiment.

We want to test the effect of whiskey

on a non-drinker like yourself.

So you needn't hesitate.

Just go ahead and drink it.

In the interests of science.

Take another swallow.

I want you to finish that whole glass of whiskey.

Chemical analysis would show

no alcohol in his blood,

but his physical performance would have

all the characteristics of intoxication.

And now I'm going to show you

that alcohol does not sharpen your wits,

but quite the contrary.

Merlin, would you mind going to the blackboard

and writing your name.

No.

I wouldn't mind.

Not one little bit.

What is my name, anyway?

Merlin Jones.

Jones.

I did it. I did it!

That's fine, Merlin. Thank you.

Now just come on back over here to your seat.

See?

Now, I want you to listen very carefully

to what I have to say.

What you drank was only water.

You are now perfectly sober.

How do you feel now?

I feel fine.

Good.

I'm going to send you back to your seat.

When you sit down,

you will come out of the hypnotic trance.

You will feel relaxed and refreshed.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir, I understand.

Stand up.

And return to your seat.

Merlin.

On your way to your seat, I want you to kiss

the first pretty girl you see.

Yes, sir.

Thank you. Class dismissed.

Hey, hey, what's wrong?

Nothing's wrong.

But if you find brassy blondes so attractive,

why waste your time with me?

Brassy blondes? What are you talking about?

You just kissed Carol,

that brassy blonde in the next row.

I did?

Yes, you did.

Now wait a minute, Jennifer. It wasn't my fault.

I was under the influence of hypnosis.

Well, it was the way you kissed her.

What way?

You grabbed her like this, and you bent her back,

and then...

go on. This is very interesting.

Not to me.

What command was I given?

You were told to kiss the first pretty girl you saw,

and you walked right to Carol.

It doesn't mean anything. It does!

It means that your taste runs to obvious blondes.

No, it doesn't.

It means I was told to kiss the first pretty girl I saw,

not the prettiest.

You can skip the flattery, Merlin.

You're not the type.

That's what's so interesting about all this.

What is?

Well, look, now I'm not the type

to kiss a girl in public,

least of all someone I don't even know,

but I did.

And what a kiss.

Maybe hypnotism can alter personalities.

Maybe it can help people

to realize their full potential.

Merlin, I don't want you to realize your full potential.

Oh, now, Jenny, I'm talking about...

Jenny, wait a minute, look, I'm talking...

to induce hypnosis,

present your suspect with circumstances

conducive to rest and relaxation.

There must be no distractions

to interfere with the subject's concentration...

On the voice of the hypnotist.

Hypnosis is induced by suggesting sleep,

by suggesting slow, deep breathing.

Now relaxation of the entire body

is induced...

By suggesting...

That the limbs are feeling heavy.

And the eyes begin to feel tired.

So heavy and so tired

that it becomes impossible to keep them open.

Go home!

It's all right. You can come down now.

He's gone. Nothing to be afraid of.

Why do you have to be such a scaredy cat, huh?

Why don't you stand up to that dog just once?

What are you, a cat or a mouse?

Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

I'll tell you what you are.

You're about to be

my first experiment in helpful hypnosis.

All right then.

Look into my eyes.

You're feeling very heavy

and very sleepy.

And the feeling of heaviness, sleepiness

is going through your entire body.

And your eyes are getting heavy.

You can hardly keep them open.

And now they're closing.

You can't keep them open.

Now they're closed.

Cat...

You are now in a hypnotic trance.

Now when I count three,

you will open your eyes

and listen very carefully to every word I say.

One...

Two...

Three.

You are a member of a noble family.

A cousin of the leopard and the tiger.

And a cousin to the king of beasts himself,

the mighty lion.

And there will be no more running away

from your enemies like a frightened mouse.

But you will turn

and you will face your enemies like a tiger.

You will roar like a lion!

Hey, wait a minute!

Don't overdo it now!

I'll be doggone!

It worked.

It worked!

That's fantastic.

If you can change a cat's whole personality

like that with hypnosis,

just think what you could do for people.

That's it.

Jenny, I'm convinced that hypnotism

could be of tremendous help to people.

Now my next step is to experiment

with a higher animal.

How about me? You?

You did so much for the cat's personality.

Maybe you could help me.

Jenny, your personality is perfect right now.

That's sweet of you,

but it's not my personality I want help with.

It's math. Math?

Oh, don't worry about that. I'll coach you in math.

No, the higher animal I want to use

for experiments is Stanley.

Stanley who? You know, Stanley in the psych lab.

Oh, the chimp.

Uh-uh. I'll see you later.

Merlin, do you think Norman will let you?

Oh, yeah, Norman. He better.

Well, he doesn't seem to like you very much.

It's because I defend Stanley's rights.

You oughta see the way...

Merlin, please, don't get into a fight with Norman.

Don't worry. I won't.

It's not worth it.

Stanley, I don't like the way Norman treats you.

You have rights too,

and he acts as though you're a prisoner.

Never gives you any affection, understanding.

Aw, Stanley, I know how he treats you.

He yells at you, he picks on you...

ah-ha!

I've told you before not to feed that monkey.

First of all, Norman,

Stanley isn't a monkey. He's a chimpanzee.

I don't care if he's king Kong.

I don't want you giving him any bananas.

Why not? I have my reasons.

But he loves them.

You stop spoiling that monkey.

I don't want to have to warn you again.

That's why I don't want anyone feeding him bananas.

Okay, okay, no bananas.

If I catch you at this once more, Jones,

I'll see that you're not allowed to use this lab again.

It's all right, Stanley.

If I can't bring you bananas,

I'll bring you something else you like.

Now listen, Stanley, I want you to pay close attention.

I want to help you, and I think maybe I can.

And by helping you, I'll be helping all humanity.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking.

You're not so sure you want to help humanity anymore.

But, Stanley, you can't judge all humans

by Norman, right?

Right.

All right, now listen.

Look into my eyes, Stanley.

Your entire body

is growing very, very relaxed

and sleepy.

Very sleepy.

Your eyes are getting heavy now.

Very heavy, Stanley.

And you can hardly keep them open.

Your eyes are closing now, Stanley,

and you are falling into a deep

hypnotic trance.

When I count three,

you will open your eyes

and listen with absolute concentration

to every word I say.

One...

Two...

Three.

All right, Stanley, now listen.

Your people have made great contributions

to the world of science,

yet you have accepted certain limitations

on your abilities,

which I intend to remove.

Now it can't all be done at once,

but the first step is to liberate you

from Norman's tyranny.

Go over to Norman's desk.

Go on.

Stanley, sit up like a man.

That's it.

You're just as good as Norman is.

Better.

You have your rights too, Stanley,

but you have to stand up for them,

so don't let Norman push you around anymore.

You have to exert the power of your personality

so that you...

Get out of my chair!

No, stay there.

I warned you about that monkey, Jones.

He's not a monkey. He's a chimpanzee.

And I wasn't feeding him bananas.

You go right back in that cage.

You see, you've spoiled that monkey.

Chimp!

Now I'm going to unspoil him.

Let's not resort to violence.

Now, can't we talk this over man to man to chimp?

Oh, Stanley.

Oh, you all right, Norman?

Come on.

There.

Back in the cage.

It's me, Norman, not Stanley.

Oh, you're in trouble, Jones.

You attacked me with a deadly weapon.

Me?

Why, Norman, I resent that.

That simply isn't true.

Stanley, get back in the cage.

Stanley, get back in that cage.

Stanley, get back in that...

Don't! Stanley, now get...

behave yourself! Get in that cage!

Hey, what's going on down there?

Merlin, why did you do it?

Mr. Jones has appeared before this court before.

But I still can't understand

why he'd attack you so viciously.

Because I wouldn't let him spoil the monkey, your honor.

I object!

This is an informal hearing, Mr. Jones.

You'll get a chance to answer the charges against you.

Meanwhile, I don't see there's any point

in bringing procedural objections

to the accusations.

I'm not objecting to the accusations, your honor.

I'm objecting to this chimpanzee

being called a monkey.

Monkeys are long-tailed primates

and members of the families

cebidae, callithricidae and cercopithecidae.

Chimpanzees are the highest

of the anthropoid or man-like apes,

and furthermore chimpanzees have no tails...

you've made your point, Mr. Jones.

It's a chimpanzee, not a monkey.

Thank you, sir.

That's the trouble, judge.

He thinks that ape is something special.

He keeps spoiling him,

treating him like he's a man.

And you mistreat him. Now just a minute...

Is that why you attacked this young man?

No, sir, I didn't attack him.

You mean you didn't hit him on the head with his object?

No, sir, I did not.

Do you think he hit himself on the head with it?

Well, sir, the bottle fell on him.

It was shaken loose from the shelf

when Norman fell against it.

And you didn't strike him, or push him,

or otherwise cause him to fall against it?

No, sir.

Well, who did?

All right, young man, answer my question.

Well, now I can compel you to answer,

so why don't you save US all a lot of trouble

and tell me right now.

Can't you see he's protecting someone?

Do you mean...

do you mean you did it?

No, not me. The chimp.

At first, I thought it was Merlin too,

but then I realized he just couldn't have done it.

He's not that kind of a person.

Judge, your honor, it's true.

The chimp struck the blow.

But I'm the one responsible.

He was acting under my influence.

You mean you trained this animal

to strike this young man?

Well, I told him to stand up for his rights,

and I guess he got carried away.

You told him?

Yes, sir, i... I hypnotized him.

Merlin's made a study of hypnotism,

and he's just wonderful.

He hypnotized a cat

and changed his whole personality.

Is that true?

Yes, sir.

Then he wanted to work

with a higher animal like the chimp in the lab,

but Norman's always been very nasty to Merlin,

and that's how all the trouble started.

Uh, you wanted to hypnotize the chimpanzee?

Yes, your honor.

I didn't think there was much you could do

with an ape's personality.

Oh, I was interested in his brain.

Did you know that the chimp

has the same brain ridges you have?

How would you like to be cited for contempt of court?

Oh, I didn't mean that personally, sir.

I just meant that the chimp

has the same brain ridges as man.

Oh, I see.

You see, it's a question of monopolies.

Now there are laws against monopolies, aren't there?

When they interfere with competition.

Well, that's it.

Man has a monopoly on thinking.

Now, your honor,

if we could develop a race of super chimps

that could give man

competition in the brain department

that would result

in everybody being better off.

So that's why you wanted to hypnotize the chimp.

Yes, sir, to help him realize

his full intellectual possibilities.

Talk about crackpot ideas!

Most ideas are crackpot until they're perfected.

I can't stand smart animals.

So your objective

was to hypnotize the chimpanzee.

Yes, your honor.

And you're in charge of the chimp.

Yes, sir.

Well, it doesn't appear to me

that Mr. Jones's responsibility for your injuries

included any intent to harm you.

So consequently, I don't feel

there's any cause for action against you.

Thank you, your honor.

However, Mr. Jones,

from now on you are to keep away from that chimpanzee.

Is that clear?

Yes, sir. That's all.

Mr. Jones.

Mr. Jones, I would like to speak to you in private.

Could you drop by my home for a minute tonight?

Sure, your honor.

Don't keep me waiting all night.

The judge said it would only be a minute.

May I get you some coffee?

Oh, no thank you, sir. No?

Merlin, I want to talk to you

about your experiments in hypnosis.

Yes, sir? Have you done much of it?

Well, not very much, sir.

You see, I only do it when I feel

I can help the one I'm hypnotizing.

Now I really did help that cat,

and I knew I could help the chimpanzee too...

then maybe you can help me.

You, sir?

Yes.

Well, hypnotizing a human

is a big responsibility, sir.

Look, all I want is some information

about hypnotism.

I think it might be helpful to me in my new book.

Oh, well, I'll give you whatever information I can,

but there are men in the psychology department

who know a lot more about the subject than I do.

No, no, you're one of the few at midvale

that know that I write these crime novels.

If word got out that I was Lex fortas,

I'd have no privacy left.

Besides, I wouldn't be able to ask

the kid of questions I need to

without people becoming curious.

I'll help you if I can, sir. Good.

Our little session in court today

gave me an idea for a plot

about a highly respected member of a community

who commits crimes

while under the influence of hypnosis.

Well, judge, you... now wait a minute.

That man who commits the crimes

is not responsible, of course.

Doesn't even know of his own guilt.

In fact, he is just as indignant

over these unsolved crimes

as the rest of the community.

The interesting angle is...

judge...

now wait a minute, just a second, let me finish.

The interesting part is

this man joins in the hunt

thinking... not knowing,

that he's searching for himself.

How do you like it?

I'm calling it the evil eye.

Well, sir, it's very interesting.

I knew you'd appreciate it.

Now I want the entire thing

to be absolutely realistic.

Then I'm afraid it's no good, sir.

What do you mean it's no good?

What makes you a literary critic?

Well, sir, I'm not...

then what right have you to throw out

the plot of my new novel?

I only meant that it wasn't completely realistic, sir.

Why not?

Because most authorities agree

an honest man can't be hypnotized

into committing a crime.

But if he's under orders of the hypnotist...

a person under hypnosis will no do anything

to violate his own moral code, sir.

Oh.

I'm sorry, judge. I only wanted to help.

Shh!

You said most authorities agree.

That means there are those who do believe

that an honest man could be hypnotized

into committing crimes.

Well, I think there may be some.

If you like, sir, I'll research it for you

and sort of give you a consensus of opinions.

No, no, no, no.

I've got a better idea. We'll test it ourselves.

How?

You hypnotize me

and try to get me to commit a crime.

Pick a small crime, a little white crime.

Oh, no, sir, I couldn't...

nothing felonious, of course.

A misdemeanor will do.

All right, shall we begin?

I'm ready.

Well, uh, I'll try.

Put your head back, sir.

Now look into my eyes.

You're feeling very relaxed.

You will feel your body growing very heavy

and very sleepy.

A feeling of heaviness and sleepiness

is washing over your entire body.

Now your eyes are feeling sleepy.

Very heavy.

You can hardly keep them open.

You can't keep them open

no matter how hard you try.

Now try.

You are now in a hypnotic trance, sir.

When I count three,

you will open your eyes and listen very carefully

to what I say.

One...

Two...

Three.

Extend your right arm.

Your right arm is now as rigid as a steel bar.

I did it. I did it!

That's wonderful.

Judge, you're a better subject than the chimpanzee.

That's beautiful.

Now for a crime.

A crime.

Let's see, a nice, perfect little white crime.

I've got it, I've got it.

Judge, now listen to me.

At exactly 9:00 tonight,

you will leave this house

with a large white canvas bag.

You will walk to the campus of midvale college,

and you will enter the psychology department,

and there you will steal Stanley the chimpanzee.

Then you will bring him back here,

put him to sleep,

and you'll go to sleep yourself.

Now when you wake up in the morning tomorrow,

you will feel your usual self,

relaxed and refreshed,

and have no memory

of what took place this night.

Do you understand what you're supposed to do?

Yes.

Fine, great.

Good night, judge. Good night.

Oh, you can lower your arm now, sir.

What took you so long?

I hypnotized the judge.

What for?

To get him to steal the chimp from the psych lab.

Oh, Merlin, you didn't.

I did!

I told him to leave the house at 9:00

with a big bag, go the psych lab

and steal the chimp.

Now how can you laugh about it?

A thing like that is sure to end up with you in trouble.

There's nothing to worry about.

First of all, he asked me to do it.

He asked you? Sure.

To see if a man can be hypnotized

into doing something contrary to his own moral code.

Most authorities say he can't,

so I'm just proving it to him.

Well, suppose most authorities are wrong?

You know, they were when they said

the world was flat, or when they said

the sun moved around the earth.

Well, they're not wrong this time.

It's 9:00 and not a sign of him.

Look!

Duck.

You see, those authorities were wrong.

The judge is going to steal the chimp.

Well, not necessarily.

What else would he be doing with that laundry bag?

Well, he could be going to pick up his laundry.

At this hour of the night?

And why is he sneaking around like that?

Maybe we had better follow him.

He's turning the corner.

He's heading straight for the campus.

He does look like he's trying to obey the hypnotic command.

Trying?

He's succeeding.

Well, at the last minute

his basic honesty will assert itself.

He won't go through with it.

He just sneaked into the psych building.

If his basic honesty intends to assert itself,

it better hurry.

He got him.

How'd he get past US?

There's no other exit.

What are we gonna do?

Judge!

Judge, you have to return him, sir,

or there'll be trouble.

Return who? You know who i'm talking about, sir.

The chimpanzee? Chimpanzee?

I don't know anything about any chimpanzee.

All right, judge, hand him...

Merlin!

Merlin, are you all right?

I'm okay, I guess.

He's like a desperate criminal.

It's interesting how strong the drive is

to obey the hypnotic command.

It's very interesting.

It's also dangerous.

We'll let him play out the rest of his command.

He'll take the chimp home and go to bed,

then I'll sneak back in and get Stanley.

And return him to his cage.

Mm! Come on.

Shh!

Come on, Stanley, get in.

You wait here. I'll be right back.

Don't get involved in an experiment

and forget I'm waiting for you.

I'll just put Stanley back in his cage,

and I'll come right out.

I knew it, I knew it!

He couldn't leave that monkey alone. Chimp.

As soon as the watchman told me Stanley had been stolen,

I knew who did it.

I was just putting him back.

You shouldn't have taken him in the first place.

The judge warned you to stay away from him.

The judge'll understand.

He'll throw the book at you. Arrest him.

Oh, wait a minute, gentlemen.

This is just an unfortunate little mix-up.

Now you'll both be where you belong.

Behind bars.

Hey, Jones, you got a visitor.

Oh, Merlin! Jenny!

Merlin.

You look so terrible with your prison pallor.

Oh, don't be silly, Jen. I've only been here overnight.

I feel so guilty.

What about?

For being so angry all the time

you left me waiting in the car last night.

I thought you had gotten involved

in another one of your stupid experiments,

but... I didn't know you had fallen

into the clutches of the law.

Don't worry about that.

We have something better to worry about.

What?

The judge isn't gonna remember

that he was the one who took Stanley last night.

Why not?

Post-hypnotic amnesia.

I didn't remember the things I did under hypnosis.

How awful.

You may be sentenced to years and years

for something you didn't even do.

The best years of your life spent in a cell,

growing old and gray,

and going stir crazy.

Jenny, please don't be melodramatic.

Oh, Merlin, I promise I'll wait for you.

Till the end of time.

Sweetie, will you listen? I have an idea.

No, Merlin, no, don't make a break for it.

Escaped convicts are always caught,

and then they'll throw you in solitary,

and I'll never be able to visit you.

Will you please cut it out?

Now the problem is to make the judge remember

that he was the one that stole the chimp.

Well, why can't we just tell him?

He wouldn't believe me.

Now we somehow gotta get past his conscious

into his unconscious,

where the memory of last night lies.

Well, what'll you do?

By hypnotizing him again.

Hypnotizing him? Right in the courtroom?

I gotta try.

Now there's an old oriental method

of hypnosis by gestures.

Now it's usually done with musical accompaniment,

but I'll just have to do the best I can.

Are you sure it'll work?

No, I'm not sure it'll work.

But you can help.

You may proceed.

At a little after 9:30,

I received a telephone call from the night watchmen,

who reported that a thief

had broken into the psychology laboratory

and had taken some animals.

When I investigated,

I found that only one of the animals was missing.

And when I saw which one it was,

I knew immediately who the thief was.

I called the police,

and they arrived in a few minutes.

And while we were there in the lab,

the thief turned up and was caught red-handed.

Excuse me.

You may stop what you're doing, Mr. Jones.

You can't plead insanity in a case like this.

You may continue, sir.

Who was the thief you apprehended

at the scene of the crime?

It was Merlin Jones.

Would you care to ask the witness any questions?

No, your honor.

You may be excused.

Thank you, your honor.

Mr. Jones, will you step closer to the bench.

Is it true you stole that chimpanzee

when you were warned to keep away from it?

No, your honor.

Is it true as that young man testified

that you were found with the animal

in your possession?

Yes, your honor.

His assumption is that you stole the chimpanzee

for some experiments,

and while returning it, you were apprehended.

Can you offer any other explanation?

No, your honor.

Is there anyone you would like called

to testify on your behalf?

Well, the one I'd like to have called is Stanley.

Do you know where he is?

Right in this court.

Well, is Stanley

his first name or his last name?

Both.

Bailiff, will you call Stanley Stanley.

Calling Stanley Stanley to the stand.

Stanley Stanley!

Will you raise your right hand, please?

Do you solemnly swear that the statement...

are you out of your mind?

We do not swear in animals.

Yes, sir.

And as for you, young man,

I want it distinctly understood

that I will not tolerate any monkey business

in this courtroom.

He's a chimpanzee.

This is a court of law.

You will behave seriously and with dignity.

Your honor, I was serious

about wanting Stanley to testify for me,

although, of course, I didn't expect him to be sworn in.

I wanted to use him, if I may,

to demonstrate the true relationship

between him and this last witness.

Well, if you can do it

in a respectful and dignified manner,

you may proceed.

Thank you, your honor. Come here, Stanley.

All right, Norman, pick him up.

Go on.

I think, your honor, that I've shown conclusively

that that man has mistreated this animal.

I think you have too.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

For having earned the fear of this animal,

I intend to use what influence I have

with the administration of midvale college

to see that you're removed of responsibility

for this animal or for any other animal.

All right, Mr. Stanley?

However, that has nothing to do

with the matter before US.

I find you guilty as charged

and sentence you to 60 days.

However, the sentence is suspended.

But for the duration of the 60 days,

you will report to me once a week.

Next case. That's not fair!

Merlin didn't steal the chimp. You did, your honor!

That will be enough, young lady!

It was only an experiment in hypnosis,

and Merlin was trying to help by returning the chimp.

Jones, your first reporting date

is right now.

Come into my chambers.

Bring the young lady too.

Come in, come in. Sit down, please.

Thank you.

Merlin, you tell me the truth.

Did I really steal it?

Well, sir, yes, you did.

It's true, your honor. I saw it, too.

But what about the theory that honest men

can't be hypnotized into committing crimes?

Well, there are two possibilities.

Either the theory's been proven incorrect,

or... or...

Or what?

Or you're not an honest man.

Young lady, are you trying to tell me...

now, she didn't mean to call you a thief, sir.

Oh, what did she mean?

Well, she just meant th-that possibly,

uh, deep down inside you,

you know, very, very deep...

what you're trying to say is that I have

larceny in my heart.

I wouldn't put it quite that way, sir.

Whichever you put it, it may be true.

It may be that the chief difference

between me and some of the people I've sentenced

is that I've been luckier than they.

I haven't been pressured about need or temptation.

The point of my new book is going to be

that we have all have enough potential evil in US

to be a little more compassionate.

A little more careful about passing judgment

on our fellow man.

Or our fellow chimp.

Well, I'm on the board of regents at the college,

and I think I'll be able to get you permission

to work with him.

Oh, I'd appreciate that, sir.

And do you really believe that a chimpanzee

is capable of thinking?

Oh, sure. Well, you take Stanley.

"Corpus delicti." That's Latin.

I think it means the body of a murder victim.

Actually, Stanley, it means more than that.

It's the substantial fact

that a crime has been committed.

I find that using my legal background

in my novels makes them more believable.

Excuse me, judge.

There's a committee from the bar association

waiting to see you.

Well, they'll have to wait.

I'm very busy now.

Okay.

Where were we, Stanley? Uh...

we call him Merlin Jones

the scrambled egghead.

Merlin Jones

the campus kook

but her heart's whirlin'

she's the girl in love...

hey, how are you? Look out!