Original subtitles

Yeah.

Dr.

Brody, the samples I collected are showing an abnormally high amount of

radioactivity.

We have got to stop allowing Biotech Prime from dumping their toxic waste on

beach. It's getting out of control.

I wouldn't worry about that, Dr. Hooper.

Talk on the street is they're going to be closing us down anyway.

So if I were you, I'd be more concerned about future employment.

That's crazy, Doctor.

If we don't do something about this right now, people who swim in this water

will wind up growing fins or worse.

And let's not forget about the wildlife that swims in here, too.

Sometimes you have to mind your own business, Doctor Hooper.

It's quitting time.

How about if we go down to a local titty bar and watch those cowards shake their

masks? That'd be good for a change, right?

What's that smoke?

I don't know. I wasn't paying any attention.

As global temperatures rise, pollution and climate change have caused wildlife

to adapt accordingly.

Alligators and other reptiles are moving north.

And as time progresses, we will see more rapid changes to our wildlife that

causes them to evolve just to stay alive. For example, giant invasive

have invaded Charlotte, North Carolina, and have eaten six chickens, two cats,

and a small child.

I advise you to stay indoors, stay indoors, use condoms, have all pets

and don't forget to recycle those cans and bottles.

Are you sure we're making the right decision?

I mean, we just picked up and left.

Absolutely. I'm going to be making twice as much money as I used to, and BioTek

Prime is one of the best labs to work for in the country.

This is the right decision for us.

Yeah, but didn't they have that crazy pollution problem in the 80s? I'm pretty

sure I remember hearing my mom talk about it.

That's changed.

They're okay in my book.

What they did in the 80s was interesting.

But are you sure this is what's best?

I mean, I sacrifice a lot too, you know.

Listen, learn your place in this relationship.

I'm the one that makes the big decisions, so learn to like it and learn

keep your mouth shut and when to open it.

I mean, I do love her, though. This ride is getting redundant.

Why don't you whip your titties? I'm shaking them a little bit.

You know what she's like, man? Your highness.

Is that good for you, ma 'am?

Damn, look at them titties. I want to be friends with them.

You already are.

Oh yeah.

Why don't you put your tits away?

We're almost there.

I'm coming out.

Wait a minute. A woman with a cold heart and a hot body.

Yeah.

She tried to kiss you with her two foot tongue.

Come on, that's it.

Greetings and salutations, Dr.

Honeydew. This is Honeydew. How was the drive?

Long, but with great scenery.

Good, good.

I can't thank you enough for transferring to our laboratory. Here at

Prime, we pride ourselves in being the first and best at everything.

That's why I came.

I look forward to working with you and your team. I think we're going to make

history with my genetic slicing theorem.

Excellent.

Let me show you around the facility.

I will take you to your private laboratory and living quarters.

Sounds great.

Here is your own private laboratory where you will be conducting the

your experiments.

As you can see, we have the most advanced tools in the industry.

Looks super scientific.

I can totally see myself making things happen here.

This is the kind of lab I've been dreaming of as a child.

You're so smart. I love you.

Actually, can you give me a chance to our room now?

Absolutely.

Here is your bedroom.

The bathroom is down the hall.

I have to be going now, but please make yourselves at home.

Have a good night, and if you need anything, do not hesitate to call.

Thank you. You're welcome.

You know, I'm feeling pretty parched.

Want to go get a drink some way?

That sounds fantastic.

Let's do it. Welcome to JPC's. I'm Tina. What can I get for you?

I'll have a light beer.

Eh, same.

All right, cool beans. I'll get that right out for you.

Well, Dr.

Rankin seemed nice enough. I think he'll be good to work with.

What are you going to do while you're here?

Well, I plan on checking out the local city bars tomorrow.

Word on the street that scientists love breasts, and this town's full of them.

Breasts? No, scientists.

There you go. If you guys need anything else, just ask for Tina.

We gotcha.

Hello, ladies.

Looking for some company?

No. Thank you for asking.

You sure?

That's a shame, because I'm a cunning cunnilinguist.

What did you just say?

You heard me.

Gross. We're lesbians, loser!

Come on, Angela.

Let's go home and take a hot shower.

Sure.

You know, that jerk at the bar had it coming.

I mean, who did he think he was? Pete Davidson?

I know, right? What a moron.

But if he was Pete Davidson, I would totally bang him. I mean, he's so hot.

bang his ghost.

But on a separate note, tomorrow's a really special day. I'm really excited

you to be in your new lab.

I know, it's going to be killer. I bet I could cure cancer in this lab. Yeah.

I mean, the sky's the limit.

Then I want the sky, darling.

I'm getting tired.

I'm going to go to bed.

I'll be right behind you. Good night.

Hello, Dr. Rankin.

Sorry for calling you this late, but I just wanted to thank you again for

bringing me to the facility.

I have big plans, and I'm sure I'm going to make extraordinary things happen at

Biotech Prime.

That's wonderful, Angela.

You have a good night's rest now.

You've got a very important day tomorrow.

Will do.

Good night, Dr. Rankin. Good night.

Dr. Robert Olson?

Oh, Dr.

Rankin! How are you? How have you been?

It's rather late. I was just about to go to bed.

I know, I know.

I just had to call you. I was really excited about getting Dr.

Angela Honey due on our team.

She has that gene -splicing serum everyone's raving about.

Gene -splicing serum?

Oh, how exciting!

Once we get it exclusive to Biotech Prime, I think it would sell really

Would you be interested in being a licensed partner?

Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeed.

Say no more, say no more, say no more. I am your man.

Great. I will keep you posted as things move forward.

Oh, that is so...

Can't wait to hear from you again, doctor!

See you in splicing formula.

Dr. Angela, I need you.

I'm lost.

All right, boys.

New deal.

$100.

Who's in?

I'm in.

Me too.

Me three.

Name of the game, five card draw.

Dude, wow.

Murdock?

Want some cards?

I'll take three.

How about you, Ace?

I'll take four.

Come on, Ace. You need to have an ace for that.

You know the rules.

Right Murdock, it's all on you.

You raise or you fold.

I'm out.

I raised 400.

God damn, son.

Look at the wad on A.

I see you're 400, and I raise you 500,

because I think you're full of shit.

I see you're five, I raise another 500.

Because I think you're full of shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. Let's get some AC here.

Shush down, Murdoch.

AC's a big boy. He can take care of himself.

Okay.

I see your rage.

Let's see.

Show us what you got.

I'm curious.

That is impossible.

Impossible?

Or am I just that good?

No, no, no, no, no. The only way you can get five aces is if you cheated. And

cheaters never win.

You really are stupid, huh?

What makes you think I'm gonna take this gun and blow your goddamn brain out,

huh?

You won't.

You need me.

Oh, come on.

Just admit that you cheated, I'll forget all about this. I sure won't. Shut up,

mother!

Admit that you cheated, and I'll forget all about this.

Hold that.

Hello? Larry! It's Dr. Olsen! Come to the lab tomorrow!

It's important!

Well, gentlemen, it seems that I have a business call, right?

Now, I gotta go, but the next time you cheat, you better take that quick bite

that could blow your goddamn hands off.

She's so lovely.

Ooh, but you would look much better if you looked like her.

You have no boobies.

You have been with me from the very beginning. When the government tried to

me, my armpits fell off.

Look, let's have a look at her, shall we?

What the fuck are you doing? Look at her.

Motherfucker, look at her!

that's used for if we could make you or her look like you put you all

together we could have a magnificent relationship are you

in her and her on you you and i would be lovely together yes

larry how are How are you, my boy?

What is going on, Larry?

What's the emergency?

Yes, you don't know yet.

Dr. Angela Honeydew is now at BioTech Prime.

She's become one with them and brought all of her gene splicing formulas with

her. Larry, I must have that formula.

It will be done, good sir.

Now listen, I need you to take... Ace and Murdoch. Go to her laboratory.

Be nice.

Be loose.

Don't be seen. Be like ninjas. Make sure no one sees you. If she is there,

attack only if she is alone.

I want all the material from her laboratory.

Do you understand, Larry?

Understood. Understood.

thing to happen in science is the discovery of the atom.

Excuse me, you're not authorized to be here. I suggest you leave before I call

security.

Now, come on now, there's no need for any of that.

I suggest you cooperate and you won't be harmed, alright?

You see, we are here for one thing and one thing only.

That jeans glass formula that you have cooking up.

You hand it over to us now and I guarantee you, you won't be harmed.

Never!

I was really hoping that you wouldn't say that.

Hey!

Murdock!

Swallow!

Do you want to taste that for a boss?

Oh, never you mind that, boys.

We got what we came for.

Let's go.

And my favorite movie is Lost Face.

Oh, no Lost Face there, senorita.

Oh, Dr.

Alton, happy day, happy day. Hello, Larry.

What do you have for me today? I have a treat for you. This is the gene splicing

formula from Dr.

Honeydew. Oh, good job.

Oh! What about Dr. Honeydew?

About her? See, uh, she must have ran off. Pretty badly injured. Probably

Don't worry about it. Take care of her.

This is for you. The only one I trust.

This is for that bumbling idiot, Abe.

And that microscopic merduck.

Never want to see any of them again.

Probably better.

Yes.

Let her.

Remember this. You are the number one guy.

Now go and do as I would do if I were three people.

Angela? Angela?

Finn?

If?

Hi, yes, I need an officer over to Biotech Prime Lab, please.

Yeah, my girlfriend is missing. I'm in her lab, and it looks like something

happened. I need somebody here right away, please.

Do you know how long?

Okay, okay, thank you.

When was the last time you saw Angela Honeydew?

This morning, before she left.

We live here at the facility.

Did she mention leaving anywhere to go somewhere after?

No. No, I tried to call her a couple of times. I never got a response.

She didn't come home.

Okay.

I'm going to go file a report downtown and see if we get any leads.

Okay, but do you see this place? I mean, doesn't it look like a sign of a

struggle? It does.

Please. Tell me if you hear anything.

Okay. I'll let you know if we get any leads.

Thank you.

Absolutely.

I'm not sure what happened to me.

My memory's a blur.

I've got to get back to my lab and get this figured out.

All right, asshole.

I have your payment from yesterday's work, all right?

Don't spend this all on hookers and cocaine like you did last time, all

Wait a minute.

That looks short.

Oh, that's right.

Good job.

It is.

That is from the scumbag tax.

What? No.

No. You already took my money from the poker game yesterday.

It's like fucking stealing.

No, no, no, no. See, I may have took a little extra from when you cheated. That

way, the next time you cheat, well, I come out on top.

No honor amongst thieves. No, listen here you dumb motherfucker.

The only reason you have what you have is because of me.

Don't you ever forget that.

Now then, come on.

Let's celebrate, huh? The first round at JP's is on me.

Now you're talking.

Mm -hmm.

Let's go.

Oh, this better be important.

I'm cooking my meatballs.

Hey, Columbo, what's happening? It's your bro.

Oh, Brother Theodore.

So nice to hear your voice.

Thank you for calling me.

How can I assist you?

I have a very interesting case.

I have a scientist that's gone missing, and I really don't know where to start.

Like, do you know where I should start looking?

Uh, Theodore, maybe you could find some tracks.

The tracks may lead to her. Maybe she's hiding in the woods.

This is true.

Can't hurt.

Maybe I'll start looking there.

Thank you so much, bro.

It's amazing.

I have genetically combined with my environment.

Part swamp, part gator, part woman.

I wonder if Toro will still want to have sex with me.

I wonder if I can have swamp babies now.

This is really amazing.

Even though this is a gift in disguise, I must find the people who did this to

me and make them pay in blood.

When the sun's going down... It probably made me thirsty.

I'll drink up, fool!

You know, when I was hitting that girl with the bat, I didn't even feel the

least bit bad.

Like, she probably deserved that, you know what I mean?

As long as I get paid, that's what matters to me.

You two have no empathy.

You know that?

Yeah. What we did to that woman was wrong.

It was so wrong.

You know?

Like, I mean, yeah, it was our job to fuck her up and kick her ass and, you

know, but she had feelings.

She had nice, beautiful, womanly feelings.

And... I don't like loose ends.

Did you see her face?

It looked like it was on fire.

Like, on fire. If she was pretty, she ain't pretty no more.

You misogynistic son of a bitch.

Hey, boys.

What can I get for you?

I think we're all fine right now, love, but why don't you check back with us in

a couple minutes?

Wait, uh...

I will take a cherry daiquiri, if you can.

Well, we don't sell frozen drinks here, and I've never heard of a cherry

daiquiri. How much is your cherry, then, doll?

Don't get smart with me.

I know karate.

I approve it.

Do it again.

Don't lose the top, though.

Get fucked, loser.

That's what I'm trying to do.

No pussy.

What's

that?

Stop it or I'll shoot.

What are you, some kind of swamp woman?

I mean it. Don't come any closer or I'll shoot.

Oh, fuck.

I have to get Angela back.

I can't live without her.

What are we going to do?

I didn't want to tell you this, but I think I am responsible for her

disappearance. What?

I made a phone call yesterday to an old colleague.

Unfortunately, the phone call I made was to a colleague that was untrustworthy.

Who is it?

His name is Robert Olson.

He is an old friend of mine who is responsible for the rot plague that

in the late 90s in Sunnyville, Florida.

He has Angela.

Where does he live?

I will give you the address.

But I have to warn you, he has a group of thugs working for him.

That will be hard to get through. They are real tough hombres.

You will have to try to get through them. Listen, I don't try anything.

I just do it.

I've noticed I now have a keen sense of smell.

If I can pick up a scent, I think I can track down the people who did it.

Angela, this is amazing.

We have to get you to the top executive.

We will make millions.

Angela, what are you doing?

What are you doing? Stop.

Angela. Stop it, Angela.

Stop. Stop. Angela, no.

No.

Good question.

I'm looking for my girlfriend, Angela, honeydew. Oh, very pretty. Nice tongue.

Yeah, she's missing, and I have reasons to believe you may know where she is.

Oh, my dear, why would you think something like that?

Well, I spoke with an old associate of yours, and he mentioned to me he told

about a new serum that my Angela created that you may have illegally acquired.

Oh, no, this is terrible.

Why would somebody say something like that?

about me. I tell you what, why don't you come inside, we'll sit down, have some

coffee, discuss it, and nip this story in the bud.

No, I don't know about that.

Ah, shit, I do. Come on. No, no, no.

That bartender at J .P.'s smoke show, I wish she did, like, more than

bartend. Maybe she could do, like, something special for me.

What special?

Take him back, suck your dick?

I mean, I can do the trick.

Listen, you two hooligans have no chance with that girl, all right? She's got a

boyfriend, and I'm pretty sure she's very into him.

I'm just saying, you know, she'd be, like, nice to date, that's all. Oh,

Hold that thought, boys.

Yes.

Larry, it's Dr. Olsen. Listen to me.

I think we may have a problem. No, what seems to be the problem?

It's Dr. Angela Honeydew. I think she's on to us. I think she's coming for you

and me. We've got to stop her now. Why didn't you kill her?

Okay, you didn't say to kill her. That would have been more money, but she got

whole bunch of chemicals over her face. It was crazy.

Chemicals? What chemicals, Larry?

I don't know. Whatever the fuck was in the lab, it was...

Spilled all over her face with smoke and... Oh, well, that's just great,

Perhaps it was her own chemical. She's probably already transformed into some

kind of reptile from her chemical reaction, you moron!

Okay, I don't see a problem with that.

She transformed you moron and she'll kill us all. Now listen to me and listen

me good. You round up those two stooges of yours and you meet me at my home

tomorrow. We must stop her now.

Alright boys, listen up. We got a mess to clean up. We got to head over to Dr.

Austin's. We got to go there immediately and see what the problem is, alright?

What? No.

Man, we're done. I'm already buzzed anyways.

I'm done. No, no, no, no. We gotta go over, all right? This is important, all

right? All right. Well, I gotta take a smoke and a piss first.

Oh, my fucking God. All right, hurry up.

We'll wait for you.

Oh my god, where the fuck is Ace, that one -eyed asshole?

God damn it.

Fuck it, Murdock. Come on, let's go outside.

Alright.

Ace!

Ace!

Larry! Larry! Get over here!

It's pretty fucked up.

Yeah, we gotta get over to Doc, because I think I might know what's happening

here.

Ah!

Hole in one!

It's what I put in you. Look out!

I'm the champ!

Not only have I mastered the rocks, also golfing. Maybe I'll trade up a little.

Very nice.

My kingdom for the golf course.

Doc.

Give me some good news, Larry.

Doc, I don't know how to tell you this, but... But A .A. did it.

Yeah. You think, Doc, he might be lost?

His whole penis was just ripped off like some sort of animal did it. It was...

Can we please call it a tally -whacker?

Now listen, you two idiots.

She's probably already turned into a reptile by now.

Now, I need you two to capture her because Biotech Prime would pay millions

this creation that she has become.

Now, I'm going to give you this device.

It will track reptiles, the heat in their body, and the movements.

And bring her back to me now!

Yes, sir. Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

I don't like you.

As for you, my friend, I'll be taking you back and beginning experimentation

you right now.

Now that I have Angela's genetic lab book, I know everything she knows. And

and I are going to have a grand time together. You're a mad scientist.

Do you really think she's going to...

Sweet baby doll, I don't think so. I think you are wrong, because I'm taking

you, and we are going back to Angela's lab, and we're going to start the

experimentation as soon as we get there!

Yep. Yeah, this is dumb.

Yeah. You've been searching out like, what, an hour?

We got zero. Zip. Nada.

I'll tell you what we do.

We split up.

Cover a lot more ground that way.

All right?

Listen, you take the east side of the forest, I'll take the west side.

All right?

You need anything you get lost, just call out.

Need anything else, you call my cell.

Right here for you.

We'll take the net.

Hold on to that.

Now, what will you use to catch this broad?

Well, don't you worry about that.

You just look for tracks.

You get on back to me, all right?

Right. Let's go.

proper chemical composition.

Why, I could rearrange your DNA, changing you into a mutant

reptile. How about a snake? Or an

alligator. I like that. I like it. Or perhaps

a snapping turtle.

Whatever happens to me is going to come back on you tenfold. My Angela won't

come back for me, you'll see.

You might think that, young lady, but you would be wrong.

Those punk rockers back in the 90s, they tried to destroy me.

in my brain.

Intact!

So they put me back together.

They put me back together.

And I alone, thankful to my government, my unconventional

government, now depart.

I am a living, breathing human cyborg.

Shut up! I'm not through yet, you little bitch!

I will fuck you beyond repair!

Oh, Sarah has nothing on you.

What? What?

Snake!

What we're going to do is change you, the very core of you, your very essence,

your DNA, your structural boundaries.

Now I can change you into a swamp planet.

Now, I've been done.

Oh, let's see what we got here.

Oh, microbes are my favorite.

Swamp God?

What's here?

You change me into a cat that's going to run straight into your face.

I like a little spicy, spicy, my prickly soon -to -be bitch.

You know what?

Just a sip of this formula, your DNA is going to reconstruct at

a binary level your every molecule twisted and ingrained,

intoxicating fumes that they are.

I've never met you, jag!

Oh God.

Now listen, I heard Dr. Olson talking about it. You need to drink that green

serum. It's going to turn you back into human form.

Oh my God, Angela, it worked. I'm so glad it worked.

Fuck yeah, dude.

You want to take a shower? Of course I do!

Bye.

Bye.