Original subtitles

Hiya, carl.

Hi, steve.

Care for A piping hot slice?

No thanks, I'm--

I'm on a diet.

I've got my carrots.

Ohh.

Well, good for you, Big guy,

Soon to be Little guy.

Ohh.

Lookit there, carl.

Extra cheese.

Oh, I see it. I see it, steve.

Uh...

Steve...

Steve. Hmm?

You know what? Hmm?

I've, uh...

I've--I've--I've Changed my mind.

Shoot me over a slice. Come on.

Oh. Well, I think you should Be strong, carl.

Give--give me a piece Of that pizza.

Give me that pizza!

Put down The carrot, carl!

Put down the carrot!

I'm--I'm sorry, steve.

You're right. I...

I gotta take my mind Off of food.

I tell you what.

Let's me and you Go to the movies,

My treat.

Hey, good idea.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Can we sit In the same row This time?

Okay.

Ahh.

After you.

Oh, well, Thankee.

Mm-hmm.

You know, I think We should go see--

Ohh! Aah! Aah!

Carl! Carl!

No! Carl!

Don't do it, carl!

Aah!

Just say no!

Just say no!

Oh. Mmm.

Aah!

Oh, boy.

Hey, 3j.

What's up with you?

You sick or something?

Oh, yeah. I'm sick, alright,

Lovesick.

Heh heh. Ohh.

What happened?

You scoop Some little honey up

Off the junglegym again?

Well, not exactly.

Hey, eddie,

Can I talk to you On the q.T.?

Well, sure. What's up?

Well, I'm really crazy About this girl,

But, man, she comes on Like a busted clock.

Won't give you The time of day, huh?

You got it.

Well, what can I do for you?

Advice.

You're the man, eddie.

You're ultra.

Man, you got more women Watching you than oprah.

How true, how very true.

You want me to kick you A little game?

Yeah.

You got it. Here's a few tips.

Hang on.

Shoot the gift.

Alrighty, now.

Pay attention.

First, You wanna make sure

That your breath Don't cause death.

Ahh.

I like it.

[laughs]

Now, it is time To approach the honey.

That's when you use The winslow wiggle.

Now, that sounds dangerous.

Mmm. It is.

It's a little move You do in the middle Of your strut.

Watch me.

That'll get her Checking you out From behind.

Excellent. Ha.

But what about The eddie winslow Love stare?

3j, where did you Hear about that?

Around.

Alright, listen.

I'll show you How to do it,

But you gotta Be careful.

That look is Way too powerful.

Check it out.

Now...

She won't stand a chance.

They never do.

Ha ha.

One pancake.

That's like listening to Gladys knight and one pip.

Carl.

Your days of depressing Dieting drudgery are done.

Fine. Would you mind Handing me that bottle

Of I can't believe It's not syrup?

Thank you.

Look. Brand-spanking-new From urkel labs...

The urkel High-speed hyperbolic Fat-compression chamber,

Patent pending.

Steve, you're Covering my pancake.

But, carl, this invention Can reshape the physique

By compressing body fat At the cellular level.

Wanna try it?

Hear me, steve.

I am tired...

Of stepping Into these deathtraps

That you call inventions.

You want a guinea pig,

Go to the pet store.

Oh, ye of little Faith, carl.

I have plenty Of faith, steve,

Which you will See in church This morning.

Now, would you?

Oh. I may be late.

I've to go To the bus station

And pick up my aunt oona From altoona.

That's fine.

Now, would you-- Would you move the--

Oh, sure, sure. Thank you.

Breakfast Is the ticket, carl.

Take care.

That kid.

Ah, boy, that kid.

Steve!

[band playing]

Hiya, shondra. What's going on, girl?

Ah, you got it.

Shaniqua, that Is a lovely hat You are wearing.

Eddie. For Goodness sakes, This is church,

Not the sizzle club.

I know, I know.

I'm ready to pray.

Steve: hi, everybody.

All: shh.

Sorry,

But I have somebody Very special I'd like For you to meet,

My aunt oona From altoona.

She'll be in soona.

Come in, aunt oona.

Come on, Don't be nervous.

Come on.

What happened To oona?

She got as big As the moona.

Hey, aunt oona, how you Been? Good to see you.

Put on a little weight.

I'll say. Yeah.

Here we go.

Excuse me about that. Alright. There you go.

Not fat, just clumsy.

Don't sit down. Steve, there's no--

Good morning.

All: good morning.

I want to welcome you all To church

On this fine blessed day.

All: amen.

It's good to see Such a large turnout, hmm?

Now that football season Is over.

Let us begin

By joining Our wonderful choir

In singing rejoice.

[band playing]

* rejoice in the lord *

* rejoice in the lord *

* rejoice in the lo *

* ord *

Oona: * oh, got excited And happy, you see *

* I rejoice in the lord And what he's done for me *

* let the righteous Rejoice and say *

* whoo *

* rejoice *

Come on, brother. Whoo!

* rejoice * * rejoice *

* rejoice * * rejoice *

* oh, rejoice *

* rejoice *

* rejoice * * rejoice *

* re * * re *

* joice * * joice *

* re * * re *

* joice * * joice *

* re * * re *

* joice * * joice *

* re * * re *

* joice * * joice *

* re *

Whoo!

* eee *

All: * joice *

* re *

* joice *

* re *

* eee *

* joice *

Um...

You seem to have An admirer here.

I have? Mm-hmm.

Reverend fuller. He'd like to ask you out.

On a date?

Uhh.

I think she wants To think about it, rev.

So, oona,

How's it been going In altoona?

Well, I've been Working my tail off.

I got a new job At the ham hut.

The ham hut?

It's that Restaurant that has 27 kinds of hams.

You know, Hickory smoked, Honey baked,

Black forest, Cajun style,

Sweet and sour.

Sounds like A pork paradise.

[laughs]

Yeah, but Unfortunately,

I've been nibbling At the hams.

In the last few months,

I put on 5 or 6 dozen pounds.

[telephone rings]

Excuse me a moment.

Hello.

Oh, reverend fuller.

How you doing?

Good.

Uh, you want To speak to oona?

Uh, uh, she's not Available right now.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell her.

Uh-huh. Bye-bye.

Oh, thank you, harriette.

Thank you.

Oona, why don't you Want to talk to him?

Look at me.

I'm too fat.

Oh, don't say that.

You're just shy.

No, harriette, I mean...

I'm huge.

I beep When I back up.

Oona, don't Talk like that.

You're pretty.

No, I'm not.

I'm a big, fat, Ham-hankering whale.

[sobs]

Aunt oona,

I have an invention

That can make A brand-new you.

Have you tested it?

No.

Are you sure It's gonna work?

No.

Is it 100% safe?

No.

I'll do it.

Here's what we do...

Steve,

Will this Doohickey shrink My clothes, too?

Oh, yes, indeedy, Sweetie.

Why, it compresses All your molecules

And leaves you Wrinkle-free.

Okay.

Now, hop in The skinny express.

There you go.

Alrighty.

Comfy? Yep-a-roony.

Hey, this feels Pretty comfy.

Steve?

Yes?

What you Wearing that for?

To protect myself From the toxic fumes.

Ready?

Set?

Shrink.

[pumping]

All done.

I hope it worked.

Gadzooks!

Why, aunt oona...

You're a babe.

Thank you, steve.

Look out, reverend,

'cause this Heavenly body is Coming your way.

Heh heh heh heh.

Hey, there.

Hiya, 3j.

What's the matter? You got sand in your pants?

No.

Why do you ask?

What are you doing?

I'm trying to get You to notice me.

You know, notice me?

Oh...

I see.

Because I notice you...

Constantly.

Well, I'm flattered That you notice me,

And I really like you.

You do?

But, see,

It's kind of like A little brother.

Oh. For real?

Besides, you don't Want a girl like me.

I might cramp your style.

What do you mean?

I'm talking about All the other girls

In the neighborhood That like you.

Like who?

Well, you know becky Across the street?

The beckster?

She wants some 3j?

Well, I saw her once When you rolled by On your bike,

And believe me, She wasn't looking At your reflectors.

[sighs]

So like I was saying,

I don't think I could Stand up to competition Like that,

So I'm going to step Out of the picture now

And save myself A broken heart later.

I understand, laura,

But don't worry.

We'll always Be friends.

Thanks, 3j.

Well, I got Some love to spread.

Bye.

Ooh.

[all gasping]

[whistles]

Oona, you Look fabulous.

I can see My feet.

Hey, steve...

Maybe I will try Your compression chamber.

Oona urkel,

What happened To you?

You look Like you lost A hundred pounds.

I did.

Steve compressed My fat cells.

I'll go out with you now If you want to.

Oh. Well, um, uh,

Let's talk After the service.

Are you ready to sing?

Yeah.

Well, put on your robe, And we'll get started.

Good morning, everyone.

All: morning, reverend.

Let us join together To celebrate

Another glorious sunday Here in the house of god.

All: amen.

Sister oona urkel Will lead our choir

In our first hymn This sunday:

Amazing grace.

Alright.

Yes.

[applause]

[band playing]

* amazing grace *

* how sweet *

* the sound *

* that saved *

* a wretch *

* like me *

* I once was lost *

* hoo *

* but now *

* I'm found *

* was blind *

* but now *

* I see *

[pop]

[creaking]

[pop]

[pop]

Aunt oona, Are you okay?

Aunt oona. Ohh. Ooh. Ooh.

Oh, my.

Freaky.

Are you okay, oona?

I still don't Understand

Why I blew up Like a balloona.

Your body cells Explosively Decompressed,

But now they've Contracted

Back to their Normal size.

[knock on door]

Oh, reverend fuller.

Hello, carl.

Well, if you're Looking for sinners,

Eddie isn't home.

Actually, I stopped by To see oona.

I wanted to offer her Some support

After her Public humiliation And inflation.

Come on in.

Oona.

Oona, how are You feeling?

Well...

I'm mortified,

Ashamed,

And embarrassed Beyond belief.

Oh, get over it, girl.

What?

I'm glad you look Like yourself again.

I like b.B.W.S.

Big beautiful women.

Oh. Ho.

How about we have Dinner tonight?

Do you like ham?

I love it,

And I'd be Honored to have

A woman of your beauty On my arm.

What do you say?

I say...

Let's eat.

Amen.

True love triumphs Once again.

It's so beautiful.

[blows nose]

[sobs]

So beautiful.

Laura, you probably Could pick up the pace A little

If you put on some music.

I'm on it.

[she works hard For the money playing]

* she works hard For the money *

* so hard for it, honey *

Come on, girls.

* she works hard For the money *

* so you better Treat her right *

* she works hard For the money *

Carl: come on, baby.

* so hard for it, honey *

* she works hard For the money *

* so you better Treat her right *