Original subtitles

Tippy-top of the morning To you, winslow's.

Hi, steve.

Tippy-top of the morning To you, too, steve.

Guess what I'm Doing right now.

Annoying me like You do every day?

Nope. Believe it Or not,

I'm mowing the lawn By remote control.

You see, I've equipped Your very own riding mower

With an ultrahigh-frequency Radar microwave

Quasi-coordinated Guidance system.

That new lawnmower Is my pride and joy.

If anything Happens to it--

Oh, carl, don't be Such a worrywart.

Uuh!

What's that?

Tell your warts To start worrying.

[carl and harriette Yelling]

[jazz music playing]

[loud crunching]

Steve?

Steve?

Steve!

[swallows]

Do you have to chew Your ice like that?

It's like sitting Next to a camel.

Boy, you're grouchier Than a centipede With athlete's foot.

I'm sorry, man.

I'm still feeling down About greta breaking up With me.

That's the third time This month.

You should be Used to it by now.

This time It wasn't my fault.

She should've Never asked me

If those jeans Made her look fat.

Cheer up, eddo.

Greta's a great gal,

But there are other Cookies in the jar.

Mmm, not for me.

I don't think I'll Ever get over greta.

I'm lost, I tell you.

Whoo.

Oh, steve, Did you see her?

Oh, I saw her, I saw her.

She's a looker, Alright.

Hey, eddo, Did you just now Get over greta?

I think I'm On the road to recovery.

Steve, she is The most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

Woman, not girl, eddie. She's much older Than you.

I happen to be very Mature for my age, Thank you.

Please.

You still get up Every saturday morning

To watch the bugs And tweety show.

Laura, please, Please.

That's a classic.

You know what, guys?

I think this Calls for my...

Love stare.

[gasps]

Great caesar's Salad!

Not the love stare.

That's right.

What's the love stare?

That's eddo's look

Of pure bewitchelment And seductionation.

He says it leaves Women all...

Twitterpated.

Does it work?

Not usually.

Check this out.

I don't believe this.

Hi, I'm kimberly.

Oh, nice To meet you.

I'm eddie winslow.

Well, eddie winslow, What can I do for you?

You know, that's funny.

I was just About to ask you The same thing.

Say, what you Passing out There, kimbo?

Um, I'm A talent coordinator For venture-star records,

And we're having A talent contest here Saturday night.

Whoa! A $1,000 prize?

Yeah. You oughta Come and cheer The contestants on.

Hey, hey, hey, Can I sign up?

I play a mean accordion. Write my own polkas, too.

Wait till you hear When it's cabbage picking Time in bremerhaven.

We're looking For something a little More contemporary.

Oh.

Well, then you want My bud eddo here.

Why, he's got A silky, sexy,

Make-you-wanna- Cuddle-by-the-fire Voice.

Really? You sing?

Oh, does he sing.

Aw. Ah heh.

Uh, just a little bit, Heh heh.

You know, some people Say that I'm a cross

Between luther vandross And mr. Marvin gaye.

Not a lot of people.

Well, I tell you what.

Stop by and sign up.

I'd love To hear you sing.

And I'd Love to watch you

Listen to me sing.

Say, you know, If I win that $1,000,

I'm gonna use Some of that money To take you to dinner.

In that case, I hope you win.

Yo, yo,

You know I'm the man, right?

You the man, Eddo!

I'm the man!

Chaos and destruction.

Destruction and chaos.

That's all I ever see.

I guess they don't Call out the Insurance guy

When everything Is okay, huh?

Why would they?

Did you get an estimate? Yeah, I sure did.

Right over here.

Hey, it's only $2,000.

That's a lot less Than usual.

Mr. Winslow, According to our files,

You've had a huge Number of accidents This year.

Yeah, well, I-- 12 times the national average.

Yeah, that's--

How do you account For all these disasters?

* cabbage pickin' time In brem-- *

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't Know we had visitors.

How are you doing? Yes, we do.

Goodbye, steve. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

But, carl, carl, Hold your cheese puffs.

I live here, too.

I think I should Say howdy to our guest.

Hi, I'm steven q.--ohh!

No, no, steve. Let go.

Let go, steve.

Steve, let go. Oh! Just get out.

Get out!

Get out! Get out!

Get out! Out, Out, out, out!

Oh, mr.--I'm sorry.

Mr. Tolbert, I'm--I'm...

I'm sorry, Mr. Tolbert.

That young man is A tornado in saddle shoes.

Yeah, I know.

Sorry. Hold it!

Are you responsible For this mess?

Oh, yeah.

If it's broke

And in this house,

It's me.

Mr. Winslow, This young man

Is such a high-risk factor In your household,

We're gonna have To charge you more.

Oh. Well,

How much?

The same rate We charge people

Who live next-door To dynamite factories, $10,000.

What?! What?!

M-m-mr. Tolbert, I--I--can't afford that.

Well, we can't Afford you,

And frankly, Neither of us Can afford mmm.

No offense, sir,

But I think My friend carl here

Will be taking his Business elsewhere.

I can't Do that, steve.

There's a poster of you In every insurance company In the country.

His was the only one that Didn't know who you are.

Your new premium Will be due in 10 days.

Well... But, sir.

Oh, uh, here's Our new calendar.

I don't know What to say, steve.

Say goodbye.

I'm gonna have To move out.

* if you were my gee *

* I wouldn't run around Like that *

* no-oh, ooh whoa oh *

* if you were my gee *

* I wouldn't run around Like that *

They were Pretty good.

They might Give eddie

A run For his money.

Beat my eddie? I don't think so.

Compared to eddie, They sound like cats In a trash can.

Remember, it's the Audience applause

That determines The winner.

Listen, if it'll Help him win the money

That he won't Have to borrow from me,

I'll clap my hands and bang my Head on the table.

Alright, cafe java,

Put your hands together

For our last act Of the evening,

Mr. Eddie winslow.

Thank you.

* give it up *

* and love me *

* turn it loose, baby *

* whoo *

* please *

* give it up *

* mmm *

* ohh *

* turn it loose, Turn it loose *

* turn it loose, Turn it loose *

Listen to me.

* now, I been tryin' For quite some time *

* to hold back my feelings *

* but, girl, it seems You got me hypnotized *

* and that's for real, and *

* now, your body's So appealin' *

* I know you're willin' *

* to love me *

Oh, my goodness, What a terrific night.

I know.

I won the contest,

And you're Gonna help me

With my Recording career.

I mean, you're Really terrific, Kimberly.

You do all this For me, and you Hardly even know me.

Well, you know, eddie,

I'd like to work On that, too.

Ahem. Mm mm mm mm.

Oh, hi, mom.

Uh, mother.

I mean, harriette.

Uh, oh, uh, mom, This is kimberly.

Uh, she's the one That ran the contest.

Uh, kimberly, this Is my mother, harriette.

Hello.

Nice to meet you, Harriette.

You have a really Talented son.

Thank you.

I should be going.

Yeah. Heh heh heh.

Uh...

You were really Great tonight.

Oh.

Thanks, kim.

Alright.

Uh, I'll Give you a call.

Alright.

[sighs]

Isn't she great, mom?

Mm-hmm.

I'd say about 10 years Greater than you.

Oh, mom.

She's only 9 years Older than me.

Only 9, huh?

Don't you still Think that's a big Age difference?

Well, maybe In dog years.

Listen, eddie,

You know, eddie, If you were 70 And she was 79,

I really wouldn't Be worried about this,

Mainly 'cause I'd be dead...

But when a young man is 20 And a lady's 29,

That's a big difference.

Uh, uh, mom, it depends On the people.

I mean, we just spent 3 hours together,

And we are Really in sync.

I like her a lot.

I know you do, honey,

And I don't doubt That your feelings Are genuine...

But I'm worried About hers.

Well, what about them?

Eddie...

A lot of women Like to go out With younger guys.

They like to have A good time,

But then the guy Usually winds up Getting hurt.

Well, so far,

She's gotten me Into a contest,

I've won $1,000,

And she's Working on getting me A recording contract.

If that's hurting me,

Bring it on.

Honey...

All I'm asking is That you just keep Your eyes open.

Well, mom, All I'm asking

Is that you start Thinking of me as a man

And not As your little boy.

All I'm saying is--

You're saying You want to run my life

And tell me who I can And can't go out with.

I--I just wish You'd just--just Stop treating me

Like a baby, mom.

Howdy-do, vernon.

What are you doing here?

Why...

I came to talk to you About carl winslow,

Policy number 659-1173-000-z.

I'm a very busy man, Mr. Urkel.

Now, listen, vernon, You can't charge carl $10,000.

It'll break him.

That's not my problem.

My job is To sell insurance,

Not help people.

Besides, he Keeps his old rate If you move out.

But I have No place else to go.

I'll be homeless,

Destitute,

Ripped from the womb Of the family

I've come to know And love as my very own.

Oh, oh. Look at what you've done.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

I--you know, I can take that home And fix it...

But I don't Have a home.

Good grief.

This place Is full of smoke.

That's no prob.

We'll just air This baby out, That's all,

Here. See?

[crash]

[car alarm]

By any chance, Do you know anybody

That owns A red sports car

With a license plate That reads I-n-sure?

[alarm stops]

Oh.

It's yours.

Oh, well, I'm sure you Have tons of coverage.

Out. Out, out Out, out!

No, sir.

I shall not be removed

Until this matter Is resolved.

This is america,

Where every man has The right to insurance!

[screaming]

Get down.

This-- No. No.

Oh, no.

My desk.

Alright, That's it! I will not--

Get down from there. Do you hear me?

Get down from there.

Get down. Get--

Steve.

What--what are You doing?

Getting sick To my tummy.

Look what you've Done to my office.

Steve, why did You come here?

To convince this man That I am not a hazard.

Well, looks like You're doing a good job.

Well, I didn't--

Well, don't worry About it, steve,

Because I found you A place to live.

You did? Mm-hmm.

A nice little apartment On argyle street.

Argyle? D-d-did--did You say argyle?

I live on argyle.

Really?

4259.

North or south? North.

No. No.

No, no, no!

That's the building I live in.

Well, what do You know, steve.

You're gonna be Living next door To mr. Tolbert.

We're gonna be neighbors,

Buds.

Maybe you'll Let me store some of my

Radioactive materials In your freezer.

Well, come on, steve.

You got a lot Of packing to do.

Oh, yeah. Oh, boy.

Wait!

Yes? Yes?

I won't change Your rate.

After all, we're Here to help people,

Not just sell insurance.

I'll give the kid Another chance. Really?

Provided That you keep him away From my neighborhood.

Oh, oh, oh, Miles away.

Miles away. Right, steve?

Positutely.

Won't go anywhere Near him.

He'll never lay eyes On me again.

Thank you.

Great plan, big guy.

Worked like a charm.

[glass shattering]

[glass crunches]

Hey, handsome.

Oh, hey.

I got your message. What's up?

Um, well...

Well, I--I just Wanted to talk.

Talk now, Cuddle later?

Uh, no.

Uh, just talk.

You sound serious.

Well, kimberly,

I got to talking To somebody about us The other day,

And well, it started Me to thinking.

What about? Well, you know,

We been seeing A whole lot of each other These past few days,

I just Want to make sure

That we're On the same page In this relationship.

You know if You lose your place

I have a bookmark For you.

[babbles]

No, I-I-I'm--I'm serious.

Uh, uh...

I--I think you're Really special,

And I can't stop Thinking about you.

Heh heh. Whoa.

I like you, too, eddie, But let's not go crazy.

Well, why not?

Eddie, my life's Complicated.

I travel a lot.

I see other people.

You do?

Eddie, we're having A lot of fun,

But a good time Is really all I'm about.

Well--well, yeah, But I thought that we Were more than that.

I didn't mean To lead you on,

But let's face it, Eddie, you're only 20.

Whoa, what? What?

What? So, you're Saying what?

You--you can't Take me serious

Because I'm Younger than you?

Well...

Yeah.

Well, what about Who I am?

I care about you For who you are.

I mean, your age Doesn't mean Snap to me.

Eddie, lighten up.

I mean, can't we Just hang out?

Uh-uh. No.

Look--look, I--I care about you,

And I want A meaningful Relationship.

That's what I'm about.

Then, um...

I'm sorry, eddie.

What'll it be?

Get me a latte.

Okay.

And...

Make it a double.

What's this?

Ice cappuccino...

On me. Heh heh heh.

What happened? An atm machine explode?

No. Feeling good.

I just got Off the phone with greta,

And we discussed things,

And, uh, we decided To get back together.

Oh. Did you beg?

Like a dog.

Yoo-hoo.

[microphone feedback]

Yoo-hoo. Sorry. My bad.

Uh, I'd like to change The tempo a little

With the song styling's Of steve urkel.

That's me.

* when it's cabbage pickin' Time in bremerhaven *

* we'll be huggin' often *

* and smoochin' up a bunch *

* yo-de-la-de-yo-de-la La-le-he-hoo *

* yo-de-la-de-yo-de-la La-le-he-hoo *

* yo-de-la-de-yo-de-la La-le-he-hoo *

* yo-de-la-la-le-he-hoo *

Hey!