Original subtitles

Where's The pass blocking?

What a bunch Of nancy boys.

[air horn]

Mother, please. People are staring.

Peanuts!

Get your peanuts!

Ain't a game without Hot roasted peanuts.

Hey, kid, up here.

Ah.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Hey, peanut boy.

Hey, guys. Having A great time yet?

More fun than a beetle In elephant dung.

I'd rather be With the beetles.

Here's a fiver.

Oh, hey, great. Thanks.

Uh, uh, I thought They were only a dollar.

They are.

I'm borrowing 4.

Ah. Aha.

Hey, son, How's the job going?

Ah, the hours are long, The pay is miserable,

And all I do all day

Is shout, "Peanuts, Peanuts, peanuts."

Peanuts!

I love this job.

Hey, doc.

Yeah, carl winslow here.

Yeah. Listen, uh,

Would you like to play Poker tomorrow night?

Oh, you're doing A liver transplant.

Oh.

Well, say, can you Call in sick?

Uh-huh. Oh, okay, okay.

Maybe--maybe some Other time. Heh heh.

God.

There must be someone.

You know, I hate Playing poker with only 4.

Well, honey, If you're desperate, I could play with you.

[chuckling]

Well, what's so funny?

Before we met, I played a little poker With my girlfriends.

I--

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

You see, it's just that We're playing real poker.

You know, man's poker.

Not girlie poker.

Not, uh,

[imitating girl] "Ooh, look, I got 2 red queens" poker.

Carl, it wasn't Like that at all.

[imitating girl] "Ooh, I broke a nail Shuffling."

Knock it off, carl. I was just trying to help.

I don't care, Just play with 4 people.

Wait a minute. Okay, okay.

Look, I don't Have a choice.

Beggars can't be choosy, So you can play.

Gee, thanks.

You gotta promise Me one thing.

What's that?

That you won't whine When you lose.

Ow! Or do that either.

Hey, steve.

Baking a cake?

Nope.

Just washing my socks.

No need to do A whole load

For one pair of socks.

Oh, great.

When you're finished,

Burn that bowl.

Hey, steve. Good ol' steve.

How's my best buddy Doing?

What do you want?

Well, I guess I can't fool you, huh?

Look, I need you To cover for me At the stadium tomorrow.

Why?

Well, something really Important came up.

My frat house Is sponsoring A bikini contest.

Oh, they canceled The ibsen play reading?

What?

Well, I'm sorry, eddo.

I'd love to help you out,

But myra and I Have tickets To the bug olympics.

Bug olympics?

What are you going To see, gymnastics?

Ah, I wish.

Gymnastics was Sold out months ago.

Best I could do Was archery.

Well, listen, steve.

This bikini contest is...

Is really special.

I'm one of the judges.

Surprise, Surprise.

Like I said, I'm sorry, eddo.

Myra has her Pretty little heart Set on it.

Okay.

It's cool, you know?

I guess I've Already asked you For too many favors,

So I just won't Go to work.

Okay.

So the people In section "H" won't Get any snacks.

What's the big deal?

So little jimmy goes To see his very first Bears game

And says, "Dada, peanuts."

"Sorry, son, but There's no one working In section h today."

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I'll do it.

I'll do it for you And little jimmy.

Ah.

Thanks, steve. You're a pal.

You hear that, laura?

I'm a pal.

No,

You're a sap.

[ding]

Ooh.

My boxers are dry.

Okay,

The game is 5-card draw, Nothing wild.

Now, honey, you see, In this game,

I've dealt each player 5 cards face down, And then--

I know how To play, carl.

I'll check To wild willie.

Okay.

And I'll open For a dollar.

Yes, I call. Here.

Me, too.

What will it matter In 50 years?

I call.

Honey, if you want To stay in the game,

You gotta throw in A black chip--

Your dollar And 2 more.

Well, I'm out.

Me, too. I got a feeling This lady is lady luck.

You might scare me In another life,

Not this one.

I call.

Okay, I call.

Heh heh heh.

How many cards You want, baby?

None.

I'll take 6.

I made a joke.

I'll take 2.

Alright, sweetheart, Your bet.

$5.

I'm out.

I fold.

I only had A pair of 4s.

She bluffed us?

She made us Look like a bunch Of yak butts.

And she never Even blinked.

Okay, ante up.

The game Is 5-card draw, Jack's back--

Jacks or better To open,

No one has jacks, It's lowball.

How do you know All of this stuff?

Told you, carl. I played this Game before.

My mother warned me About girls like you.

Zooie, your mama Ain't never met A girl like me.

Get your cash Out, boys.

I don't take checks.

Okay, it's my bet,

And I bet 5 bucks.

I see your 5

And raise you 10.

Too rich For my blood.

I've already Dipped into my kid's College fund.

I'm out...

Unless I can Sell you my pants.

I don't have Enough chips to call.

Well, then, I guess you lose.

Wait a minute.

What if I promise To do the dishes For a whole week?

Will that cover Your raise?

Let's just Cut to the chase.

What do you have To match that?

Alright.

I'll do the dishes,

Clean out the garage,

Shampoo the carpets,

And cook the dinner For the next month.

There's one more Thing I want, carl.

You don't mean Scrub the bathroom?

That's right.

I want you poking The porcelain Until it shines.

You're bluffing.

Try me.

Ooh, lordy,

You could cut the tension With a weed whacker.

I call.

What do you got, Cowboy?

Full house, 10s over 7.

[men laugh]

Pretty good...

But not good enough.

I have A full house also,

Aces over jacks.

I had a good hand. I don't believe this.

Hee hee hee.

I'm out of here.

Well, we lost All our money,

But at least we don't Have to do girlie chores Like carl.

[men laugh]

Goodnight, fellas. It was great fun.

Ooh, yeah, Some fun, harriet.

That woman's dangerous.

Yeah, she was Worse than 'nam.

Carl, this was A great evening.

Thanks for Letting me play.

Yup.

Old lady luck Was in your lap Tonight, harriet.

Luck didn't have Nothing to do with it,

I'm just a better Poker player than you.

Harriet...

I've been playing poker For 30 years.

I know what I'm doing.

Well, if you know What you're doing,

Then why Is all your money Going in my purse?

Well...

Every great player Like me--heh heh heh--

Has an off night.

Now, you--you went through The motions of winning,

But you definitely

Did not know What you were doing.

I see.

Well, I'll Tell you what.

I definitely know What I'm not doing,

And that's scrubbing The bathroom.

Peanuts!

Peanuts!

Get your goobers In a shell.

These here nuts are Really, really swell.

Hey, uh, shoot One over here.

Oh. Okay, okay.

Sorry.

Do-over.

Sorry.

Do-over.

Hot dogs. Red-hot.

Get your official Bear weenies right here.

Over here.

Ah.

Here you be.

Pig particles on a bun.

Give me some ketchup.

Okey-dokey. Here we go.

It's not coming out.

She must be clogged.

Oh.

Oh, uh, oh,

I, uh, oh,

Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh.

Here you--here you-- Here you go.

Let me get that for you. Here you go.

Here we go. Here we go. Here we--okay.

It's on the house.

Hot dogs!

Hot dogs!

Cotton candy!

Dandy cotton candy!

Get your sticking, Licking, sugar licking Cotton candy!

I'll take one.

Oh, okay. Goody.

This right here.

Cotton candy?

Never touch the stuff.

Ah. Yeah.

Oh.

You pervert!

No, I'm not!

You touched My girlfriend.

I can--whoa!

It was a mistake!

Yeah, like It was a mistake

When you hit Me in the face.

Yeah, and you Sprayed ketchup All over me.

No, people, please.

Get him.

No, no! Wait, wait! Help!

Oh-me-oh-my-oh-me.

Oh-me-oh-my-oh-me- Oh-my-oh-me-oh-my-oh-me.

Oh-me-oh-my-oh-me.

Oh-me-oh-my-oh--

Steve,

Calm down.

How can I?

It's bad enough I got chased and pummeled

With foam fingers And pennants,

But I also Got eddie fired.

Oh-me-oh-my-oh-me.

Steve, it's not Such a big deal.

I'm sure he would Have gotten himself Fired eventually.

Hey, guys.

Ah, howdy, eddo.

How'd the bikini Contest go?

Great. 6 contestants. 6-way tie.

6 dates for next week.

Ah, you're The man, eddo.

You're the man!

You know, you know, You know.

Hey, steve, how did Things go at the stadium?

The stadium, Ah, the stadium.

Yeah, the stadium, Yeah. Oh, great, Great, great.

Bears won.

Didn't rain. No traffic On the way out.

No.

I meant how did Things go at the job.

Oh, that?

Oh, great, fine. Yes, oh, fine.

Just--just...

One minor, teensy, Little thing.

What?

You got fired.

I got fired!

How'd I get fired When I wasn't even there?

[low notes]

Well, I--I--

I may have spilled Several food items.

[higher notes]

Ah, ah, ah,

Perhaps I squirted Ketchup on a bunch Of people.

[middle notes]

Uh...

Could've goosed A fat lady...

[high notes]

And might've Caused a riot.

[medium notes]

But I--you--I--

Ah, steve.

You did those things, I didn't.

I know,

But they have this Ridiculous rule.

Get a load of this.

If a guy Fills in for you,

He has to be

Competent.

I don't believe This, steve.

You let me down.

I thought You were my friend.

Well, I am Your friend, eddo.

I always have been Your friend.

Yeah, well, Friends don't let Their buddies down.

I promise it won't Happen again.

Oh, you right it Won't happen again,

Because As of right now,

You and I are No longer friends.

You know what?

You're better off, Steve.

Why would you want A jerk for a friend?

Jerk?

That's right. It's your fault You got fired.

How was it my fault When I wasn't even There?

That's why it's Your fault, eddie.

As usual, You were thinking With your hormones

Instead of your head.

I--but--my-- My--I--

What were you thinking?

I mean, you Asked steve urkel To cover for you.

Steve urkel In bleachers?

Steve urkel Around food?

This is a man who Once stabbed himself Eating peas.

Hey, those peas Were in butter sauce.

[sighs]

You know, eddie,

You always do this.

You shirk, And then you blame.

Shirk, blame.

Shirk, blame.

Well, I had Something else To do.

Shirk.

Well, He screwed up.

Blame.

[sighs]

Eddie, the bottom line Is steve tried To do you a favor.

He was there for you.

The truth is

You don't deserve A friend like steve.

Ahh.

I guess you're Right, laura.

[sighs]

Look, steve, it--it Wasn't your fault.

I guess I just Forgot that you're...

Well,

You're...

You're you.

Apology accepted, eddo.

Hi, hon.

Mm-hmm.

Well...

I did all the chores From the poker game.

I even scrubbed The bathrooms.

You know, harriet...

You been pretty frosty With me lately.

All I get from you Is a "Yeah."

"No."

"Hmm."

Am I right?

Yeah.

Well, can we Change things?

No.

Well, why not?

Hmm.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What is it, carl?

Look, honey,

The other night At the poker game, I--

I'd like to say that It didn't bother me

That you cleaned me out,

But it did.

Carl, what hurt me

Was when you said it was All luck and no skill.

Well, that--that--

That wasn't me talking.

That was my ego.

Truth is, sweetheart...

You're one of the best Players I've ever seen.

Thank you, carl.

I just don't know How you got that good.

Well, over the years I learned a lot

From a really good Poker player.

Oh, yeah?

Who?

You.

You know something?

I love you, Mrs. Winslow.

Well, I, uh, ahem,

See your love And raise you a kiss.

You got it, baby.

Hey, hey, hey.

They're doing the wave.

I love the wave.

Ah, me, too.

You know, Body wiggling lengthens The large intestine.

Ooh, here it comes, Here it comes.

All: whoo!

People, people, people,

If we can't Handle the wave,

What are we going to do On macarena night?