Original subtitles

Ooh, carl, look. The wiz is on tonight.

Hey...

You know, laura Loves that movie.

She was only 5 years old When it first came out.

She loved the songs So much, she got up

And started dancing In the aisles.

What did you do?

Pretended she was Somebody else's kid.

Oh, hey, honey.

Laura...

* come on and Ease on down *

* ease on Down the road *

* come on And ease on down *

* ease on Down the road *

* don't you carry nothin' That might be a load *

* come on, ease on down, Ease on down the road *

Want to watch The wiz with me tonight?

Oh, I'd love to, But I'm meeting stefan.

Oh, well...

You know, laura, we haven't Spent any time together.

You know, we should Set aside some time.

I know.

But I'm kind of busy All this week.

Well, how about sunday?

Alright. Let's do it sunday. Okay.

And let's make That homemade ice cream

You liked When you were little.

Alright, as long as You don't eat it all

Like you did When I was little.

Bye, daddy.

Hey, sunday. Okay.

It's a date. Alright.

Bye, mom. Bye, baby.

Carl? Huh?

I'll watch the wiz With you.

Okay and I'll Go make us some--

Popcorn!

I made popcorn!

The wiz is coming on.

We're gonna have A boss-a-rama tv funfest!

Steve! Shh!

[whispering] Not while I'm dusting.

Oakle-doakle. What's up?

I just got picked To be a contestant On a game show!

Which one?

What do you know?

Well, what do you know?!

Heh heh heh heh! [snort]

Eddo, I didn't know You were a fan Of game shows.

Hey, I'm a fan of any Show that gives away A brand-new car.

Wow. You know, they have Some pretty tough Questions on that show.

So what?

I can handle anything They throw my way.

Oh, really?

Hmm.

Who led the charge Up san juan hill?

Well...

That would have Had to have been

A--a very brave Spanish guy.

Like...Maybe...

Juan valdez?

Well, at least you'll get Some lovely parting gifts.

Hey, steve!

I just got a great idea.

Why don't you go On the show as me?

You'll win All the prizes,

And then you can Give 'em to me.

Why don't you just study?

Oh, man, I don't have Time to study.

I'm in college.

Besides, I gotta be At the television studio Tomorrow.

Well, maybe You'll luck out,

And the categories Will be babes, b'ball, And bad pickup lines.

Hmm...

Hmm...

Ahh...

[beeping]

Who the...

[beeping]

[ding]

Wowzers! It worked!

Wha--eddo!

What in sam hill Have you done?!

Well, since you won't go On the show as me,

I'm gonna Go on the show as you!

Heh heh heh heh! [snorts]

Heh heh heh heh heh!

[doorbell rings]

Girl! Guess what?

I've something in My purse that you're Gonna love.

I've got 2 tickets To see your favorite Group, blackstreet!

Aah! Aah!

Hey, hey.

Well, what's goin' on?

Max got us tickets To blackstreet.

Oh, great!

What's that?

Not what, who. It's a bomb new group.

Oh, yeah.

Doesn't mr. Ray Sing with them?

Not mr. Ray, Dr. Dre.

Right...Right.

He used to sing With hot diggety dog.

No, that's Snoop doggy dogg.

Whatever.

The concert is At the ibex club, Sunday night at 8:00.

Oh, girl, I am there.

[clearing throat]

Aren't you Forgettin' something?

Nah. I already Thanked max.

No, I, um...

I'm talkin' about The date you have

With your father On sunday night?

Oh, man! I forgot.

He's really lookin' Forward to spending Some time with you.

I know. I was lookin' Forward to it, too.

That's great, because He'll be very disappointed If you cancel.

[sighs]

Well, bye-bye, Blackstreet.

Maybe not.

We are gonna make Ice cream together.

I'll make sure we're Finished in time to go.

Oh, cool.

'cause sunday... We are gonna jam.

Announcer: it's time to play Basic cable's Most popular game show

What do you know?

And here's the man With all the questions...

Lee macnamara!

Thank you! Thank you!

Alright! Welcome To what do you know?

The game that asks...

Audience: What do you know?!

Okay! Let's meet Our contestants.

First up is a pork salesman From council bluffs, iowa.

His hobbies include Stamp collecting, origami, And making his own vodka.

Let's have a big welcome For lyle sodermark!

Lyle, hi. Oh, hello.

It's nice To have you here, lyle.

Thanks. The trip On the amtrak was A dream come true.

I saw a cow.

Okay...

Our next contestant Is a college student From chicago, illinois.

His hobbies include boxing, Women, and looking good!

So let's have a big What do you know? Welcome for...

Eddie winslow!

Excuse me!

Well...

That was really, uh...

Time-consuming.

[laughing and snorting]

Ahem.

And our last contestant also Hails from the windy city.

Now, this young man only Showed up at our studio

A couple of hours ago.

But our producers Were so impressed With his vast knowledge,

They decided to put him on Right away.

Audience: ooh!

His hobbies are bugs, polka, And gene manipulation!

Let's give it up For steven q. Urkel!

Is, uh, everybody okay?

I didn't know game shows Were so dangerous, lee.

You know, uh, Steve and eddie,

I--I can't help but notice

That you're both sporting A similar look.

Eh, what do you say, Audience?

You think this is gonna Catch on with the kids?

Audience: no!

Thank god.

Alright! Don't you dare go away!

We'll be right back With round one

Right after this word From rupaul's chicken roasters!

What in sam hill Are you doing here?

I'm here because You've altered your genes In the name of greed!

Oh, yeah?

Yeah!

You've changed Yourself into me.

Well, There's only one person In this whole world

That's smarter than me.

And that's me!

I'm taking you down, eddo!

[applause and cheering]

Alright!

Welcome back.

Welcome back to What do you know?

Our game consists of 3 rounds, Each with its own category.

In the first round, The questions are worth 25 points,

And the points double With each successive round.

As always, our contestants Start with 10 points.

There you go, There you go,

And there you go!

Contestants...

Are you ready?

Ready! Ready! Ready!

Okay.

Audience, It's time to find out!

Audience: What do you know?

Alright.

For 25 points:

What is the capital Of sri lanka?

[thumping] [buzzer]

Colombo!

Correct!

[applause]

[whistling and cheering]

Colombo is a port In the indian ocean,

Inhabited by the muslims In the 8th century,

Followed by The portuguese In the 16th century,

And then the dutch In the 17th.

Thank you. Now our next--

It was taken over By the british in 1796

And also used as An allied naval base During world war ii.

Alrighty, then.

Colombo's industries are:

Ivory carving, gem cutting,

Textiles, Tobacco processing, And oil refining.

[horn blares]

Well, that's the end Of our first round.

Now, in this round,

All of the questions Will be worth 50 points.

And the category is...

"Famous american painters."

Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh-oh, oh, oh, oh!

Who painted the classic Urban masterpiece Nighthawks?

[buzzer]

Edward hopper. That's right!

[applause and cheering]

Ah...

But he first became famous For his etchings.

That's very impressive, Fellas.

He was born in 1882.

Ah, yes, but he Died in 1967.

Oh...It was raining. Yes.

But it cleared up And for The next 2 weeks

The humidity was Slightly above average.

Whoa! Fellas--fellas, That's enough.

You've given us Way more information Than we need.

Oh. Oh. Sorry, lee.

I had fish for breakfast.

And you know That's brain food.

Yeah? Well, You're gonna have to eat A whole school of tuna

If you're gonna beat me! Ha ha.

[snorts]

I just had bacon.

Dad, sorry I'm late.

I was just Getting dressed.

Well, don't let me Interrupt.

Go upstairs And finish dressing.

I am finished.

Oh.

What are we making?

Hah. Your All-time favorite...

Rocky road. Oh, good.

[chuckling]

You know, The first time We did this,

You were only 5 years old.

You had just Lost your tooth.

You were worried You wouldn't taste The ice cream

Because you lost Your sweet tooth.

[chuckling]

That's cute.

Is it done?

Well, laura, Homemade ice cream Takes time.

Well, yeah, If you turn it Slow like that.

Can I try?

You got to put Some elbow grease Into it,

Get a rhythm going.

Mmm! Now, that's what I call ice cream!

That's what I call soup. Heh heh.

[sighs]

Sweetheart...

What's going on?

What do you mean?

Well, I--I Get the feeling

That you're trying To rush this.

Daddy...

I've been Looking forward To this all week.

There's no place I'd rather be

Than here with you.

Mm-hmm.

[knocking]

Hi, mr. Winslow. Hey, maxine.

Laura-- Ooh, you look great.

Are you ready for The con...Cert?

Concert?

Did I forget to mention The concert?

Yes, I believe you did.

Daddy...

Maxine got us tickets To see blackstreet.

It was a last-minute thing, And I just didn't know How to tell you.

Hmm.

Well...It's alright.

Hey, I don't blame you.

A concert Is way more exciting

Than spending time With your old dad.

But you go. Have fun.

You sure?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

Shake your groove thing.

[chuckles]

[whispering]

Yeah, that's cool. You don't mind?

Hey, they're your Favorite group.

Hey, what are you two Over there talking about?

Come on, daddy.

You and I are going To go see blackstreet.

Huh? You...

You want to take me?

I sure do.

Ohh, honey. Ohh...

[buzzer]

Uh...

Sausage?

Oh...

Sorry, lyle.

The correct answer is...

"Mamie eisenhower."

[siren wails]

Oh, well, That siren means

Either it's the end Of round 3,

Or someone's In the parking lot Stealing my eldorado!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha--ahem--alright,

Let's check out the scores.

Steve urkel And eddie winslow

Each have 3,970 points!

[audience cheering]

And--ha ha...

And, uh, lyle, you, uh,

Just have the 10 points You started with.

I hope you're not Too disappointed.

Well, a little.

I was hoping To win the car

Because I need A ride home.

Oh...

Bummer.

[shouting] But on the bright side, Lyle,

Maybe one of your opponents Will win that new car!

Tell 'em about it, johnny!

Johnny: it's a brand new Sports utility vehicle.

Don't you even care that You might win that car

On pilfered genes?

Nope! Ha ha ha ha!

Johnny: what do you know?

Alright.

Here's the bonus question.

Now, at this point, All the contestants decide

How many of their points They want to wager.

And the highest point total Wins the new car!

Alright.

Lock in your bets...

Now!

[incidental upbeat music]

[music stops]

Here...

Is...

Your bonus question.

"Two women graced The cover of last year's

"Sports illustrated Swimsuit edition.

"One was valeria mazza.

Who was The other supermodel?"

[incidental upbeat music]

[music stops]

Alright.

Let's start with you, Steve.

What do you know?!

Oh! Claudia schiffer.

Good guess, But it's wrong.

How many points Did you bet, steve?

I bet 'em all, lee.

Lee groaning: oh.

Alright, eddie!

What do you know?!

Hah!

Kathy ireland!

Well, another good But completely wrong guess.

Did you bet All your points, too?

Oh...Well...

[whimpers]

I--I guess I did, Lee.

Lee groaning: oh.

Alright, lyle, What do you know? [buzzer]

No, no.

Tyra banks!

That's right!

Yay!

[audience cheering]

So, lyle, uh, How many points Did you bet?

Nothing.

I was playing Conservative.

Well, this is One for the books.

Our two giant brainiacs

Battled out For most of the game,

And then they choked On the final bonus question.

Therefore, our winner,

With the lowest Point total ever...

Is lyle sodermark!

[audience cheering And whistling]

And that's it For another edition Of what do you know?

Hey, be good to yourselves,

Be good to your friends,

And, as my mother Always said...

Bye-bye.

[machine beeping]

[ding]

Ohh!

Ooh!

Man, is it ever good To be back

To my usual, good-looking, Sexy self again!

Yeah. I don't think The world was ready For 2 steve urkel's.

Man, steve, It wasn't easy being you.

I don't think I'll ever get over

How high up Those pants were.

Ah, But on the upside,

You always know When your car keys Are in your pocket.