Original subtitles

Wowser!

Steve?

It works.

It really works.

What are you Talking about?

I have no time To chat, carl.

I gotta get back.

Hi, big guy. Aaaah!

Steve, why do you Keep popping in and Out of the room

Like mr. Spock?

Wait a minute!

Are you saying You saw me before?

Well, yeah. You appeared Out of thin air

And said, "It works, It really works."

Then you Pressed a button On that gizmo there

And you disappeared.

Holy jumping jehoshaphat!

Do you know what This device is, carl?

A swatch watch For a nerd?

No. It's My latest invention.

You're looking At the world's First time machine.

So?

So? Well, Aren't you impressed?

Steve, you have invented A transformation chamber,

A cloning device,

A teleportation pad That took us

All the way to paris.

Frankly, A measly time machine Is no big deal.

Well, I can't wait To use it.

I'm going To go 2 minutes Into the past

And then come Right back.

And I'll become The world's First time traveler!

[laughs maniacally]

I'm a genius!

Whoa, whoa!

Ooh!

Look what you did.

Are those tater tots? Oh, I love tater tots.

Any peas? Pass the peas. No peas?

But I love peas. How can you have dinner Without--

Hey, where's dad?

Oh, he'll be in.

He's finishing up The monthly bills.

Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Freeze!

I just finished paying The family bills.

And this family--

All: Is headed straight For the poor house.

Oh, carl, come on, Sit down and eat.

Harriette, we can't Afford to eat.

People, do we have To have the lights On so full?

We have A dimmer switch, People.

Use it!

Hey, where's richie And 3j?

They're spending the Night at your mother's.

Oh, good. Two less Mouths to feed.

Edward, split that Meat with steve.

Waaaah!

Here, harriette, Freeze this.

We can have it for Dinner next week.

Oh, carl, stop it.

Every month We go through this And I'm sick of it.

For goodness sakes, It's only money.

Only money?

Harriette, what do You think it takes

To put food In our bellies?

What do you think it Takes to put clothes On our backs?

What do you think we Need to put a roof Over our heads?

Money?

Hey, carl, Carl, carl!

I'm busy, steve.

But I just perfected My time machine.

The reason I could only go 2 minutes into the past

Was because I didn't have enough power.

So, guess what I did?

What?

I invented Nuclear batteries.

Where did you get The plutonium?

Radio shack.

Now we can go as far back In the past as we want.

We?

That's right.

I want you To test it with me.

Together we can go on The journey of a lifetime.

We can observe the vikings,

Or witness the crusades,

Or go back to the days When dinosaurs Roamed the earth.

[growls]

Why don't you go By yourself?

I'm scared.

Well, now, you know,

Actually there are A few things In history

That I've always Wanted to experience In person.

Oh, Go with that, Go with that.

Like what?

Well, I kind of wanted To hook up with eliot ness

And bust al capone.

No, no, no. You Couldn't do that.

Why not?

Time travelers have To be very careful

Not to change history.

The slightest disruption In the past

Could completely Change the present.

Are you saying, That if we go back in time,

We could Actually do something

That would change the way Things are now?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Hmm, interesting.

So, what do you say, Big guy?

Wanna embark On a voyage To yesteryear?

Sure, why not?

Oh, oh, oh! I'll go get ready

While You decide when We want to go to.

[laughs and snorts]

Ready to go?

You're going To embarrass me In the past, too, huh?

Oh, you big kidder.

Now, what fascinating Moment in time Have you chosen?

Custer's last stand?

Paul revere's ride?

The parting Of the red sea?

The day before we moved Into this house.

Hello, Mr. Adrenaline junkie.

Well, steve, I figure

I'm already trying One of your Crazy contraptions.

Why make it more Dangerous for myself

By going to a place Where a t-rex might Bite off my head?

Hmmm...

It's just a test anyway, Right?

Right. Okey dokey.

Give me the year And the date.

March 8, 1976.

Okay, let's see.

January, february, march...

See? March, Says it right there.

Yeah, yeah, I see it, uh-huh.

Okay. 1, 2, 3, 4...

5, 6, 7, 8.

See? March 8, Says it right there.

That's right. Isn't that neat?

I like that.

Okay. Here we go.

Year 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7...

8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13...

1970, 71, 72, 73, 74, 75,

76, 77...

Oh, oh,

I went past it.

What do we do now?

Clear.

Year 1, 2,

3, 4, 5...

1973, 1974, 1975, 1976.

Carl! Carl!

Carl! Carl! Get up, wake up!

Huh? We're ready to go.

Let's go! Okay. Alright.

Alright.

Hey, wait a minute, Steve,

Will this hurt? Not really.

Your skin peels off For a few seconds...

But you'll forget All about that

When you turn Inside out.

No! Oh!

Oh!

You okay, carl?

I think so.

Steve!

Steve, I think-- I think we did it. We made it.

Man's voice: Come on, honey, let's load This stuff and get out.

We have to hide. If someone sees us, We could affect the future.

Oh!

Who are they?

That's The marshalls,

The nice couple we Bought this house from.

They loved this house So much,

I felt kind of bad Negotiating the price So low.

Can you believe How much we got

That winslow character To cough up for this shack?

Well, I really like His wife harriette.

I hope she likes These muffins That I made.

Yeah, well, from the looks Of her husband,

I doubt if she'll get any.

Phew!

Well, as long as We're here now,

I mean "Then"...

I want to see what My room looks like.

I mean, "Now."

Carl! The marshalls Are coming back. We have to leave now!

But it takes an hour To set that thing.

No, no, no, no, no.

It has A "Home" button. Oh!

Oh.

What happened here?

I think the furnishings Are different.

And in good taste.

Harriette!

Harriette! Harriette!

Hmm. Who are These people?

[screams]

[screams] [screams]

Who are you? Who are you?

We're the scotts. We live here.

No, you don't. The winslows live here.

Jeffrey, Did you hear him?

Get out Of our house.

I have a room Upstairs.

Steve, what Is going on?

Honey, look Who's in our house!

I see him!

You know this man?

Yeah, Everybody knows him.

He's c.O. Winslow,

The richest man In the world.

[gasps]

I'm the richest man In the world?

Oh, wow! It worked. It really worked.

What worked?

What did you do, Carl?

Mr. Winslow, It's an honor to have

A man of your greatness In our home.

We don't know why You're in our home,

But it's Definitely an honor.

Oh, well, Thank you very much.

But, uh, if--if this Is your home,

Then where Do I live?

[laughing]

Did you hear that, Ellen?

Yeah, the owner Of winslow towers

Wants to know Where he lives.

Winslow towers?

Carl, may I speak With you for a second?

Not now, steve. Yes, now!

What?

Carl, you Did something

When we were In the past.

You purposely Altered the future,

Didn't you?

Mighta.

Oh, I can't believe This.

Uh, mr. Winslow,

Does your safari guy Need medication?

"Does he need medication?" What is he talking about?

Ignore him.

Too many trips Into the interior.

Carl, Tell me what you did.

Well, I just wrote A note to myself

Describing A few investments

I thought Might be lucrative.

Like what?

Well, like disney,

Microsoft, And holiday barbie.

Oooh!

Are you mad?

We have to go back And destroy those notes.

Well, steve, Calm down.

I mean, While we're here

We might find out what our life Is like now.

And according to these Very nice people,

It's pretty Darn good. Right?

I'll say, you just Bought new jersey.

And just last Night, the news said You had dinner

With The president of The united states.

Oh, bill clinton?

No, rosie o'donnell.

Good afternoon, Master winslow.

Oh!

Are you drunk Or did you lose Your key again?

What's your name, Pal?

It's charles, sir.

Drunk.

Wow, steve,

Would you look At this place?

Your 3:00 doughnut, Sir.

Oh, gee, Thanks, chuck.

[giggling]

Oooh!

Steve, would you Look at this view!

Holy smokes!

Well, say,

Where's The hancock building?

Master winslow Had it removed.

It was Blocking his view.

Wow! Wow!

Carl: Hey, who's that?

Your living Artwork, sir.

Living artwork?

Yes, It amuses you.

What's all that Brouhaha?

That sign keeps track Of how much money Master winslow has.

He's worth $247 million?

Billion.

Oh! Oh!

Whoa!

Easy. Are you okay, Big guy?

I couldn't be better.

Because, steve,

I am filthy, nasty, Stinking rich.

[maniacal laughter]

Yes!

Harriette!

Hello, carl.

Don't wrinkle my outfit.

Gerald,

Take the elevator And put those up

In the west wing Of my shoe closet.

Mother, You look great!

Oooh!

What's the matter, Carl?

What do you mean?

You haven't hugged me In years.

I haven't?

Hi, harriette! Hi, estelle!

Who is that gomer?

It's me, steve.

Steve urkel.

Did you hear That, carl?

They don't even Know who I am.

Here. Sign these And send them To my attorney.

Harriette! These are divorce papers.

I'm leaving you And I'm taking All the ferraris.

Steve, do you want To go to vegas?

Estelle!

Well, you may get lucky.

But harriette, What about our kids?

What kids, carl?

Well, Eddie and laura.

You know perfectly Well we don't have Any children.

I always wanted A boy and girl,

But you were Too busy wheeling And dealing.

No eddo?

And even worse...

No laura?

Oh, steve, You were right.

I have ruined Everything.

Oh! I gained A whole world,

But I lost My family.

Don't worry, big guy,

We can still fix things.

Come on, let's go!

Excuse me, sir.

Will you be back For dinner?

No, charles, I'm never coming back.

I got it, steve. I got it!

Great. Now...

I'll hit The "Home" button and...

Back we go.

Both: And back we go.

Oh!

I was afraid This might happen.

What happened?

The batteries are dead.

Well, let's just Go buy new ones.

We can't. Well, why not?

Nuclear batteries Haven't been invented yet.

Oh, god.

I got greedy And ruined everything.

Well, if it's Any consolation,

You ruined my life, Too.

Well, that helps A little.

Oh, I just wish there Was some way I could Recharge this baby.

Steve, I just Remembered something Really weird.

What? What?

Well, when harriette And I moved Into the house,

I remember the floor Was covered with Extension cords

That led up To the very spot

We're standing In right now.

Hmmm.

Extension cords.

Was there Anything else?

Well, there was A roll of electrical tape,

Some aluminum foil,

And a half empty jar Of peanut butter.

Aha!

It's sounds to me Like I invented Something

And you had lunch.

Okay, big guy, We're all charged up.

Hmm, me, too.

Alright, alright. Let's go, let's go!

Steve, if this Doesn't work,

From the bottom Of my heart, I want to thank you

For sticking With me.

Hey, we're a team, Big guy...

Forever and whenever.

Oh, oh, steve,

We made it! We did it, we're back.

Yahoo!

Eddie! Eddie, my son!

Eddie, my son, You're alive.

You're alive!

[choking] Dad, are you okay?

Oh, I've never Been better.

Oh, laura, sweetheart.

Oh, I'm so glad To see you.

Harriette,

Harriette, Please don't divorce me.

I can't live without you.

Carl, what are you Talking about?

Listen to me, All of you.

I was wrong To complain about money.

I will never grumble About bills ever again.

You won't? No, sir.

I may have a few debts,

But I also have A terrific wife,

Wonderful kids,

And steve.

And do you know What that makes me?

What? What?

The richest man In the world.

Aww!