Original subtitles

* deck the halls With boughs of holly *

* fa la la la La la la la *

* 'tis the season To be jolly *

Hiya, honey. Hi!

Great news!

You sprang for those Terribly impractical,

Way too expensive, God-I-want-them-so-bad I-could-scream

Diamond earrings I wanted for christmas?

[chuckles] No.

You see, Lieutenant thornton

Has some land up In wisconsin

With evergreen Trees on it.

So?

So...He said I could go Up there and cut down Any tree I want.

Why don't you Go to the corner lot

Buy a tree Like we do every year?

Because, harriet, Those trees Are not for free.

Oh, carl.

Yuletide Greetings!

Hey, son!

Hey, how would you Like to go to The forest with me

And cut down our own Christmas tree?

Hmm... Sounds like fun.

Ooh! Ooh! I--I'm Available to go!

You know, this year, The winslow men

Will start a new Family tradition.

Hmm.

Hmm...

I wish I were A winslow man.

Hmm. Too bad I'm...Just an urkel.

Just a... Winslow wanna-be.

An outcast...

A nobody...

Just a lonely soul--

Oh, alright! You can go!

Well, if you insist.

Well, it's all settled.

We'll leave bright And early the morning Of christmas eve.

Well, I can't Do it then.

I'm playing santa claus At the children's hospital.

Can't we do it Another day?

Oh, but, son, that's My only day off.

Well, I guess It's just you and me, Big guy.

Oh, no.

Yeah!

Why, we'll go find The perfect tree,

Bring it back, And then we'll Decorate it!

Oh!

Oh, I bent My antlers.

Hey, steve, How about this one?

Eh...Too scrawny.

Alright.

How about this one?

Hey...

Ahh...Ah!

Bare spot.

Alright.

How about this one?

Hey...Oh, yeah!

Oh, yes!

Ohh, this is nice. Yes--oh!

Bark beetles.

Might I remind you That we are in The middle of nowhere,

And I am holding an ax.

Hey, laura.

Hey.

Hey, who's That present for?

You. I actually got you What you wanted.

Really?

Hey, how'd you Put a motorcycle In that little box?

[doorbell rings]

Get it. Get it.

Go ahead. Move!

Curtis, hey.

Merry christmas, Laura.

Ah-ah-ah-ahem.

Eddie, what's Happening, man?

You got it. You got it.

What's up, curtis? Havin' a cool yule?

Uh, I am now.

Merry christmas, Laura.

Oh, curtis, You shouldn't have.

But she's glad You did.

Oh, um, here, curtis.

This is for you.

Hey! That's-- That's a nicely Wrapped present.

You know, You're right, eddie, We do.

You do what?

Want to be alone.

Hey, I'm gone.

Watch your hands.

Yeah, okay.

Go ahead. Open your gift.

Oh, a charm Bracelet.

Thank you, curtis. It's beautiful.

So are you.

Merry christmas, Baby.

Mrs. Winslow.

Don't mention her. It'll kill the mood.

Laura.

Hey, ma.

We were, uh, you know, Just exchanging gifts.

Yeah, right.

Uh, curtis, I need To talk with laura For a second.

Yes, ma'am.

What's up?

You've got A big problem.

Stefan's In the kitchen.

Oh, no!

Ma, you gotta Stall him for me. I'll try.

Gosh, curtis, It was sure great Seeing you.

Am I leaving?

Oh, you are? I'm sorry.

I wish you could Have stayed.

I haven't opened My gift yet.

Child, it's A leather belt.

Hope you like it.

Merry christmas. Bye!

Oh, lord.

Hey, baby.

Stefan, hi!

Feliz navidad, Mi amor.

[giggles]

A hug?

What are we, Amish?

Ah-ah-ahem.

Exchanging gifts Again, laura?

Well, you know,

'tis the season For giving.

Ehh...No good.

Won't do.

Maybe next year.

Uh, steve, steve..,

Steve...

Can I, um, speak To you for a second?

Gosh, Sure thing.

Hmm? Mm-hmm.

We're gonna Take this one!

We're taking this one!

I want this one!

This one's good.

Step aside.

Ooh, ooh, Carl, carl, carl!

Can I do it?

Can I? Can I? Can I? Can I?

Oh, alright.

Just, please, Hurry up.

Oh, thank you. Oh, goody gumdrops.

[humming]

Okay. Okay.

Oh, will you Get on with it?

Unh--yow!

What is the matter With you?

You rushed me!

Hey...Hey, look, carl.

It's snowing.

Yes, I've noticed.

[grunting]

Uh, carl? Huh?

You might want to chop A little faster.

I'm chopping As fast as I can!

Ah, but here's The skinny.

The snow is quickly Covering our tracks.

So?

Well, if our tracks Are covered,

We can't Find our way Back to the car.

Uhh!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Steve.

I think the car's Through this way.

I beg to differ, Big guy.

I think It's that-a-way.

We'd better find it soon 'cause I'm freezin'.

Oh, me, too.

My nipples Are so cold

You could hang A picture on 'em.

Hey. Isn't that Your scarf?

Oh...Cool!

I thought I lost it.

You know, I took it off When we--[gasps]

That's where you Yanked out the tree.

I know. All this time,

We have been going Around in circles.

Now, we're just Right back where We started.

Oh, my god.

I think we're lost.

Whoo, hey, mom.

Hi, honey, have fun?

Oh, yeah. Stefan Is so smooth on the ice.

He does the most amazing Figure 8s.

Oh, a lot of people Can do those.

In roman numerals?

Hey, that is smooth.

Oh, honey, While you were gone, Curtis called.

You didn't tell him Where I was.

Ah, you're safe.

Okay, good.

Laura, I don't mean To be the meddling mom, But...

But...

I'm so good at it.

Alright. Let's hear it.

I'm concerned about What I saw this afternoon With stefan and curtis.

Oh, mom, don't worry. I'm handling it.

I'm not gonna get hurt.

It's not you I'm worried about.

What do you mean?

Laura, one minute You were kissing curtis,

And then the next minute you Were kissing stefan.

Ma, the holidays are just A very hectic time for me.

Laura, Are you being honest With these guys?

Have you told them About each other?

You know, well, actually I'm, you know, operating On a need-to-know basis.

Well, I think They need to know.

Look, ma, I'm gonna Deal with this, Just not right now, okay?

I'm just waiting For the right moment.

Honey, I never told you this.

But when I Met your father,

I was dating someone Else at the time.

Ooh, ma, spill it.

His name was daryl.

Oh, was he cute?

Oh, yeah!

So what happened?

Well, I met your father,

And he completely Swept me off my feet.

On our third date, I was picking out China patterns.

So you broke it off With daryl?

Well, that's the point.

I kept meaning to,

But I never could seem To find the right time.

And then one evening, Your father was kissing Me goodnight,

And daryl came strolling Up the sidewalk.

What did you do?

I accidentally bit Your father's lip.

What did daryl do?

He looked at me For a moment...

And then just Walked away.

I'll never forget The hurt in his eyes.

Hmm.

I wanted to explain to him, But he wouldn't see me.

Wouldn't even talk to me.

Ooh, ooh!

Steve, I've got to stop And rest a while.

B-but the car. We have--

Steve, it's dark, I'm freezing.

And the only way We're gonna survive

Is if we stop And build a fire.

You know, back in The old pioneer days,

A man would cut open A large animal and crawl Inside to stay warm.

Steve, do you see A large enough animal

For us to crawl Inside of?

I guess I was only Thinking of myself.

Go!

Get wood.

I'll go Get some wood.

Yeah.

[shivering]

Here we go.

Oh, good. We can build a fire.

Didn't you say you Had some matches?

Yep, right here In my trusty urkel Survival belt.

Let's see. I got A swiss army knife,

Sewing kit, Moist towelettes,

Fishing hooks, Travel yahtzee,

Bagel slicer, Um, little green corn pads,

Kazoo--ah!

[plays fanfare]

Matches.

How many do we have?

Let's see.

Three.

Okay.

Ah-choo!

Oops.

Two matches.

Oh! Yeah.

Boy: Hey, stefan!

Nice try, freddie.

Maybe next year.

Hey, curtis.

Man, get out Of my face.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whatever happened To 'tis the season To be jolly?

Get your hands Off of me!

You wanna say Something to me?

Yeah!

Well, let's hear it.

Me and laura had A good thing goin'.

But she just told me It's over because of you.

Wait a minute.

You were messing With my girl while I Was in paris?

No. I sure tried...

But she always Turned me down.

Well, I can't say I'm sorry, bro.

Okay, fine. You won.

But if you ever hurt laura, In any way,

You and me Are gonna throw down.

Understood.

But just so you know,

That's never Gonna happen.

Carl...

What?

The fire's almost Burned out.

I know, steve.

Carl?

Huh?

Just in case we don't Make it through the night,

There's something I'd like to say.

What is it, steve?

There's nobody I respect And admire more in this Entire world than you.

You're the finest man I've ever known.

You really feel That way?

I sure do.

Even though I yell And scream at you All the time?

Well, I'd say you've been Pretty patient with me Over the years.

You know, steve,

All the arguments we've Had in the past...

They really don't seem That important anymore.

Why don't we, uh...

Start over?

Let's wipe The slate clean.

I'd like that.

A fresh start.

Hey, carl, look!

Huh? What?

The clouds are gone.

So?

So, I can use the stars To guide us back to the car.

Hey.

Wait. That's the big dipper.

So that's the north star.

Which means That direction is east.

And the car is that-a-way.

Well, great. We're so lucky It cleared up.

It wasn't luck, carl.

It was a christmas miracle...

Courtesy of the big, big guy.

Come on.

Amen to that.

Okay. Is everybody ready?

Ready!

Ta-da!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Carl, this tree Is beautiful.

I think It's the prettiest tree We've ever had.

Richie and 3j Are gonna flip

When they see this In the morning.

Well, I'll just leave This sandwich out for santa, And we'll hit the sack.

* o christmas tree, O christmas tree *

* how lovely Are your branches *

* o christmas tree, O christmas tree *

* how lovely Are your branches *

* your branches are green In summer's glow *

* and do not fade In winter's snow *

* o christmas tree, O christmas tree *

[instrumental music]