Original subtitles

[humming Camptown races]

Ooh!

Well, hello there, Fellow artisan.

Wow!

You've done a great job Capturing the big guy!

Thanks I've been Working on it for weeks.

Oh, and it paid off.

Why you've even got The-he throbbing vein Right in his neck!

Oh, this is Definitely an a.

Can you keep an eye on it For a moment?

Make sure Nobody touches it. It's still wet.

You got it. I'll watch it Like a hawk, baby.

Hi, big guy. Heh heh heh heh! [snorts]

Hmm.

You know...

The nose is just...

Not right yet.

Maybe--

Oh.

Oh...Oh.

Ohh...

Oh, me, oh, my.

[coughs]

Heh...Heh heh heh.

Well, Get out, you.

Aah!

Aah!

Heh...Well, it's... Oh...Oh...It's not A complete loss.

There's a great Ashtray in there

Just dying to get out.

You are so dead.

Oh, my...

[bell rings]

Oh...

Oh...

Oh...

Is this yours, Laura?

Oh...

Mr. Vreeland, I can explain.

There's nothing To explain.

This...

Is brilliant.

I mean, I love it! It's bold! It takes chances!

Oh, laura, It's an "A".

Told ya!

What do you call it?

Man...

In...

Turmoil.

Oh!

That's deep!

* nah neh neh Neh neh neh *

* dusting *

* nah neh neh Neh duh duh *

* dusting *

* nah neh neh Neh neh neh *

* dah dah dusting *

* dah dah dah Dah dah duh *

Ow! Hit me, now! Oh!

Duh!

* duh duh duh *

* duh-duh- Duh-duh duh *

* duh duh duh *

* duh-duh duh-duh Duh duh duh *

Ha!

Hey!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thank you!

Well, what are you Doing, uncle carl?

Oh, nothing. I'm just Movin' and groovin'.

Ha ha ha ha ha. So what's up With you fellas?

I thought you were Out playing football.

We were...Until I kicked A field goal into The neighbor's backyard.

Yeah. Mr. Neidermeyer Wasn't very happy About it.

Well, did you ask For the ball back?

Yeah, but all he would say was "Flbbtt!"

Well...He's being More mature than usual.

But don't worry, 3j.

I'm your foster dad now.

I'll get Your football back.

Winslow. Glad you're home.

Oh. Neidermeyer.

I was just about To call you.

Did you come To bring The football back?

Get real. I came To borrow some tools.

Listen. Goldstein Just got a new Satellite dish.

Ha ha! I'm tapping Into it!

Ha ha ha Ha ha ha!

Shh!

You're stealing From his dish?

Yeah!

You can't do that.

So--take Your dollar back.

Oh, come on! Loosen up!

We'll get disney for free And show time in no time. Ha ha

Yeah, but what About our football, Mr. Neidermeyer?

Your football? Heh heh!

You mean my football, Peewee.

Uh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You're gonna keep The boys' football,

Then come over here And borrow my tools?

Yeah. Which part of that Don't you understand?

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh Heh heh heh!

Uh, excuse me. Uh, kids...

Uh, mr. Neidermeyer And I would like to Have a private chat,

So if you Don't mind...

You gonna whoop him?

No, it's not gonna Come to that, 3j.

Neidermeyer, I'm Sick and tired of you Pushing people around.

Now, I want That football back, And I want it back now.

Hey, I didn't start this. I finished it.

If you had been Any kind of a parent,

Those little hoodlums Wouldn't be making trouble In the first place.

You know, neidermeyer...

The airport would be A better neighbor Than you.

Does that mean I'm not Getting the tools?

You're not getting Anything until you Give me back that ball!

That ain't happening. Get outta my house!

Get outta your house? Get outta my house!

Don't put Your hands on me!

I'll put my foot On you. Get out.

Heh heh heh!

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Oh, yeah. Ha ha ha ha.

Ooohhh...

That's a good one, Yes.

Ha ha ha ha!

Carl. Huh?

Aren't you coming to bed? It's 1:00 am.

I'm not sleepy sweetheart,

I'm working on something Really important.

Heh heh heh heh heh!

What is it, Taxes?

Oh, no.

It's a list of ways

Of getting back At nick neidermeyer.

"Number 1...

Move away and give The house to steve urkel."

Carl. Huh?

Can I have that pad?

Yes, yes! Ha ha ha--

Ow!

Now, why did you do that?

Carl.

Remember on one Of our first dates

When you took me To the amusement park?

Well, I remember That we got thrown out Of the tunnel of love

For getting A little too frisky.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

When we were leaving, You had $10 in tickets Left.

I don't remember that.

Well, I do... Because on the way out,

You handed those tickets To a couple of kids Who were coming in.

You made their night.

Well...You know How I feel about kids.

Well, I said to myself Right then,

"Harriette, You're going out With a mighty big man."

Big man, huh?

That man...

Would never...

Lose his temper Over petty problems.

Heh heh heh heh.

That man...

Would never stoop...

To revenge.

That man-- My man...

Would take This list...

And tear it up.

That's great, carl. That's my man.

Ha ha ha.

Ohh...

Mmm.

Nick could've Never done that.

Huh. Well, course not...

'cause he's Not a big man.

Ahem. Let's go Upstairs...Big man.

Just a second, Sweetheart.

Who are you calling At this hour?

Barney's pizza place.

I'm gonna let them know That nick won't be Needing those 50 pizzas.

Hello.

Now, uh, listen, Uh, class.

Today we are Gonna begin studying

The glorious Human form

It will be one of our most Difficult challenges.

And to help us in our endeavors

We will be working With a live model.

Well, that'll be a welcome Change from bowls of fruit.

Hey, laura.

Hey, greta. How you doing?

Uh, hey, hey, Hey, hey, hey!

That's eddie's Gal pal!

Yeah. She's making Some extra money Modeling.

Oh! Well, you know,

Money comes in handy When you want to buy--

Yeee! Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aaahhh!

You saw my girlfriend Buck naked?

Ooh, as the day She was born.

But only for five seconds. Then I was struck With hysterical blindness

For the rest of the class. Okay, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

I don't Believe this.

Greta was naked In front Of strangers?

Well, they ain't Strangers anymore.

[knock on door]

Eddo, now, let's just Keep this between You and me, okay?

Yeah, yeah. Right, Steve. Just-- Just between us.

I got you. I got you.

Why were you Naked?

I guess steve told you.

You bet he did!

I better go Upstairs now! Whoo!

Have you lost Your mind?

I don't want you Shaking your booty For anyone.

I didn't shake it.

I posed... In an artistic fashion.

Yeah, well, Can't you be artistic

In some sweatpants And a parka?

How would you like it If I got naked In a roomful of people?

You do...Every day With the basketball team.

Well, I don't do that For money.

I'm naked for free!

Listen, eddie. It's my body, okay?

You got nothing To do with it, So drop it.

Oh, you bet it's dropped...

'cause you are never, Ever, ever, ever...

Gonna pose nude again.

Excuse me?

You do not have me Under lock and key.

I'll do Whatever I want.

Not while you going out With eddie winnnslow, you won't.

Okay. Then I'm not Going out with eddie

Winnnslow!

Well, fine!

Fine!

Huh! Huh!

Pshhtt! Pfftt!

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah, uh-huh.

[doorbell chimes]

[doorbell chimes]

Alright.

Hello, Lieutenant.

What's going on?

I'll tell you What's going on--

Police brutality!

I'm sorry To trouble you At home, lieutenant,

But this man Was caught climbing In a window next-door.

I keep telling you. The wind blew My door shut

While I was Nude-sunbathing!

Nude-sunbathing?

Yeah...So you don't Get a tan line.

Chicks dig guys Without a tan line.

This guy claims He lives next-door.

Tell him, winslow!

Tell the mayor Of munchkinland I'm your neighbor.

Well...

Uh...

Anytime today, Winslow!

I'm missing my peak Tanning hours!

Garber...

I've never seen this man Before in my life.

What?

Thank you. That's all I needed to know.

Let's go, Nature boy.

Carl! Carl, Help me!

Pal! I c--you gotta Help me out here!

I wasn't really Gonna keep Those kids' football!

I love those Little rugrats!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! What's going on?

Nothing, ma'am. We just caught A pervert next-door.

He won't tell him Who I am!

Carl.

Be the bigger man.

I'm sorry, Garber.

He is my neighbor.

I'm sorry he's your Neighbor, too, sir.

Boy, I, uh...

Really appreciate That, winslow.

Yes, nick. My carl's a big man.

Nah.

Your carl's a big sap.

Ha ha ha Ha ha ha!

Winslow, you had me In your sights, And you choked!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ah, ha ha ha Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha. Ooh, nick!

Is that a sexy girl Going in your house?

Ooh, she's A looker! Oh, look there!

Where?

Hey! Hey!

Open up This door!

[banging]

Hey, eddie.

What's up, laura?

I heard What happened.

You broke up With greta over The modeling thing?

Well, you were there. You saw what she did.

Listen, eddie, artists Have been using nude Models for centuries.

I mean, look At michelangelo's David.

Yeah, laura, but We're not talking About that.

We're talking about Eddie winslow's greta.

Look. All I'm saying Is, maybe you should Try and see her side.

Hey, everybody's Seeing her side.

It's the top and The bottom I don't Want 'em to see.

You don't know The whole story.

What, greta's a part-time Stripper, too?

Eddie, you are being So insensitive about this.

You know what? You need a wake-up call.

What are you Talking about?

Greta told me Something in confidence,

And I wasn't going To say anything,

But you leave me No choice.

Well, what is it?

Greta's father gave her An ultimatum A few weeks ago.

Either she had to stop Dating you, or he'd Cut her off financially.

And for some twisted, Strange reason, She chose you.

Lord knows why.

Wait a minute. He cut Her off completely?

Yes. No money For textbooks,

No money for tuition, Makeup, clothes.

She's got less money Than you, eddie.

Dang.

That's seriously broke.

So she took Two part-time jobs, Including modeling,

To make ends meet.

Well...

Laura, I don't understand

Why she didn't just

Come and tell me All of this herself.

She didn't want To make you feel guilty.

That's how much She loves you.

Oh, that's Very impressive, Miss winslow.

It reminds me Of rodin.

Oh, no. It's supposed to be Greta not a japanese monster.

Just keep sculpting, dear.

Urkel.

Urkel!

Huh? Oh, yes, Mr. Vreeland?

What do we have Here? Oh, okay.

This--this is a-- Is a three-story Victorian house

From 1894.

But I'm not done With the roof yet.

Oh. That's all Very interesting, Urkel...

But we're all Sculpting this model.

Ha ha!

Where is she?

Oh. She's in the house.

I don't see her.

She's in the shower.

I don't hear her.

It's a reduced-flow Nozzle.

Urkel...

By any chance...

Would your major Happen to be...

Art?

Oh, no! It's Biological engineering.

Oh, there is a god!

Okay, class... Dismissed, please.

Now.

Bye, greta. I'll see you.

Hi, greta.

Sorry it was so cold In here today.

Would you stop?

Hi. What are you Doing here?

[sighs]

I felt like We needed to talk.

You've already done Your talking, and I don't Need to hear it again.

Look, greta, I'm sorry I acted like a jerk.

But I didn't know you Were modeling just so you Could keep seeing me.

Laura told me about What your father did.

That was supposed To be a secret.

Yeah, I know. But I guess she felt

That I reached a certain Knucklehead level and She needed to wake me up.

And did she?

Yeah.

Big time.

It's great that you Stood up to your father just for Me.

It wasn't Just for you, eddie.

It was for me, too. I'm tired of my father Pushing me around.

Yeah, I know.

I don't want To be pushed around By you, either.

I know.

Look...

I don't care about You modeling anymore.

I just care about Us staying together.

Would you please Forgive me, baby?

Come here.

Mmm.

Wow. That movie Was great.

Isn't halle berry Pretty?

Oh, who can Notice "Pretty"

When you're sitting Next to "Ravishing"?

Mm-hmm. Come here.

I want to taste Those lying lips.

Mmm...

Hi-dee-ho, Young lovers!

Hi, steve.

I made some Late-night snacks. Care for a weasel puff?

Uhhh!

Steve...I thought You had a date With myra tonight.

Oh. Those plans Went kablooie.

My little hummingbird Was doing yoga and got her leg Stuck behind her head.

She sneezed violently And wedged herself In the fireplace.

Oh, that's terrible.

Goodnight.

Goodnight? Why, The fun's just beginning!

It's like they say.

Two's company, Three's a par-tay!

Okay. Pick a card. Any card.

Now archeologists Believe that the pterodactyl

Had this mating call...

Rwaaawwwwkkk!

[playing strauss' The blue danube On accordion and kazoo]

Hey!

Hey! Hey!