Original subtitles

Hey, there, hi, there, Ho, there.

Hey, What's with the mess?

I thought you were Going to clean up Before the game.

I'll give you a dollar If you do it for me.

A whole dollar?

Tempting offer, big guy,

But I have to go Upstairs and write down My latest findings

In my hello, kitty Science journal.

Say hello to eau de go.

Eau de go?

Yes. This formula, Cleverly disguised As a man's cologne,

Accelerates the molecules Of any living organism To super-high speed.

Yeah, right.

You don't believe me?

5 minutes ago, I sprayed a woodpecker

Sitting on mrs. Thompson's Elm tree.

And what happened?

This is all that's left.

Wow.

Yes. This is nifty stuff.

Why, you can accomplish The most tedious task In mere seconds.

And you smell purty, too.

[woodpecker pecking]

Woman: aaaahhh.

Oh, no.

The woodpecker's going After mrs. Thompson's Wooden leg.

Hey.

Unhand that foot.

Hey, aunt harriette.

Hi, richie. Hi, 3j.

How was your bike ride?

Aw, it was okay.

Where's steve?

Well, we kinda raced home Ahead of him.

Yeah, 'cause we got Tired of people laughin' And pointin' at us.

Well, why would They do that?

Hidy-ho.

Steve...You look like You just escaped From toontown.

Uh-uh-uh. Safety before fashion.

Hey, guess what, Aunt harriette.

We raced home, And I won.

I coulda beat you.

But I had to use laura's Stupid old girls' bike.

Ah, yes.

I remember the first time I saw laura on that baby.

A sleek, 6-year-old beauty Swooshing down the street

On a hot pink Barbie bike.

As she pedaled towards me, My heart sounded like

The playing card In her spokes.

Flubba-da, flubba-da, Flubba-da, flubba-da,

Flubba-da, flubba-da, Flubba-da, flubba-da...

Is this guy for real?

No. No.

3j, mr. Morrison's here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. Time to get Back to the rock.

3j, fenster hall Is hardly a prison.

Well, it used To be a prison.

But we, uh, repainted it And put in a teetertotter.

We lost a lotta kids On that teetertotter.

Well, we, uh, Better be going.

Hey, aunt harriette, Can 3j sleep over?

Sure.

Is that okay?

I'm afraid not.

It's against the rules.

Richie, why don't you and 3j Go and get his things.

I'll help you.

I think I can help A little bit.

I'm having a bad stair day.

Mr. Morrison, Have a seat, please.

Thank you.

Um, 3j tells me that You're trying to find him A foster home.

Ah, that's correct.

Well, how's that going?

Not so great, mrs. Winslow.

Unfortunately, there simply Aren't enough foster homes Available.

You know, it's a shame His last foster family Moved.

Tell me about it.

The paperwork Was frightening.

No. I--I meant It's a shame for 3j.

Oh. Right.

The kid.

Sure.

New shirt?

Uh, yeah. You like it?

Nice.

Where do you plug it in?

You know, laura...

Jealousy is not A pretty color on you.

What are you Talking about?

Well...It's saturday night.

Le night de la par-tay.

It appears that I have a hot date,

And, uh, you...

Well...You don't.

Sweetie, maybe you just Beg better than me.

Laura, laura, laura...

You know, you should Go out more often.

You're a freshman, But...

You're not gonna Stay fresh forever.

Excuse me?

Fix yourself up.

Comb your hair. Put on some makeup.

I'm wearing makeup.

Well, slap on some more.

Go to a club, You know...

I'm sure you'd Probably find a guy Around closing time.

Eddie, you know perfectly well Why I'm staying home.

Oh, that's right.

[high voice] Stefan is in paris,

And I'm waiting for him To come home.

This is something You know nothing about.

It's called being loyal.

Ah, well, Loyalty is fine,

But shouldn't it have An expiration date?

Eddie, this is a relationship, Not a quart of milk.

Hey, suit yourself.

I mean, it's your life.

If that's what You want to call it.

Everybody: song title.

First word.

Eddie: I?

A song that begins With the word "I"?

I love a parade. I believe. I'm in The mood for love.

I want to be around To pick up the pieces

When somebody Breaks your heart.

[knock knock]

I hear the door knockin', But you can't come in.

Steve, stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop in The name of love.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Stop draggin' My heart around.

Ah. Stop choking me.

Come on in, Mr. Morrison.

I'm sorry to bother You so late,

I was looking for 3j. Is he here?

Why, no. Shouldn't He be with you?

Yes, but he was Missing at dinner.

We've searched the grounds And haven't been able To find him.

I'm afraid He's run away.

Well, why would He do that?

Well, 3j had an interview With a couple this afternoon,

And he was hoping That they would be His foster parents,

But they chose A little girl instead.

Poor little guy.

Carl, we've got To find him.

The streets are too dangerous For an 8-year-old

To be wandering Around by himself. Alright, um...

We'll go down to the precinct And give them 3j's description.

Eddie, you check The playground.

Steve, you got The arcade.

Laura, You take the mall.

Carl, what can I do?

Well, just in case...

You better call The hospitals.

[rattling and banging]

[knocking on door]

[knock knock knock knock]

[whispering] Who is it?

It's richie.

How do I know It's not a trick?

Open the door, Jerkface.

Okay. It's you, alright.

Here's an extra blanket.

Sorry it took me so long, But I had to wait until The coast was clear.

Thanks, man, but what About some eats?

Here ya go.

An apple?

You could not Hook a brother up

With some Leftover meat loaf And some chocolate cake?

Well, not without A brother's family Getting suspicious.

Dang. I might Starve to death with You doin' the shopping.

Hey, it's not like I can send Out for a pizza, so chill, okay?

Sorry.

I'm stressed out.

I'm a dude on the run.

Well, maybe you Should stop runnin' And come downstairs.

I mean, everyone's Real worried about you.

Yeah, right.

Like who? Everyone.

Eddie, laura, steve, And uncle carl are all Out looking for you,

And aunt harriette's Calling all over The place

To see if You've been killed.

Cool.

Come on, 3j. Let's go downstairs.

Uh-uh. Forget it.

There's no way I'm ever goin' back To that shelter.

But it's only Until they find you A foster home.

That's never Gonna happen.

They're lookin' For young and cute.

I'm a 8-year-old man.

My cute days are over.

Are you sure?

Webster was cute Till he was 30.

Come on, 3j. You can't Stay up here forever.

You need a plan.

You think I don't Have a plan?

I got a plan.

I'm the plan man.

So what's your plan, Man?

I'm goin' to las vegas To be a blackjack dealer

Until I save enough money To go to jet pilot school.

Whoa. Hey, That's a good plan.

Ahh.

I'm really starting To get worried.

I mean, it's as if 3j Vanished into thin air.

You know what it's like?

It's like when you're Doing the laundry,

And you put 10 socks In the dryer, And you only get 9 out?

You look, and you look, And you look...

Okay. Actually, it's not Like doing laundry at all.

I'm just really tired.

Yeah, we all are.

Look, let's Get some sleep,

And we'll try again Tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, curtis.

We really appreciate Your help.

I'm glad you called me.

It's been too long Since I've seen you.

And, uh... You look real good.

Thanks. So do you.

I've been workin' out.

And it shows.

You lose some weight?

A couple of pounds.

Don't get Too skinny on me.

Uh, listen. Tomorrow We're gonna find 3j, okay?

Okay.

Then maybe We can celebrate

By having dinner Together, okay?

Okay.

Ooh.

That was good. That boy can kiss.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I've heard you say The same thing about stefan.

Well...Don't you think Loyalty should have An expiration date?

No.

This is a relationship, Not yogurt.

Hey, you still up?

Yeah.

I'm not gonna Sleep tonight.

Carl, I keep wonderin' Where 3j is.

If he's cold, Hungry, scared.

That kid's gotten Under your skin, huh?

Yeah, he has.

You know, When steve first became His big brother,

I thought 3j Was a smart-alecky Little troublemaker.

So did I.

Carl, 3j's gotten A bad deal in life.

He's been neglected By his parents,

Bounced from one shelter To another.

No wonder he's got Some problems.

But I know children, Carl...

And 3j's got A good heart.

Well...First, We'll find him...

And then we'll pray

That the city finds him A good foster home.

They will, carl.

Right here.

Whaaaaaat?

I want to take him in, Carl.

Give him a good home.

Oh, harriette. Now, wait--

Carl, Just think about it.

He's become richie's Best friend,

Laura and eddie Adore him,

And he's crazy About you.

Ay, yi, man...

I don't know, harriette. I'm...

I'm not saying no, But this is a big decision.

I'm going to have To think about this.

Look, carl...

I know there's A million reasons

Why we shouldn't Do this,

But there's One good reason Why we should.

And what's that?

I love him, carl.

[steve's dinosaur slippers Squawking]

Hi, guys.

Hi, steve. Hi, steve.

I see you've found Your dinosaur slippers.

Oh, yeah.

You know, somehow they Wound up in the garbage.

Go figure.

Anywho...

[squawk squawk squawk]

We have A security breach.

What's that?

The alarm went Off on my infrared Urkel alert--

Patent pending.

What's that?

Well, that means I've applied For the patent,

But the paperwork is Still in washington.

No. Wh-what's that?

Oh, that's a big city With buildings And a capitol...

No, no, no, no, no.

What's that stupid thing You're holdin' in your hands?

Oh...Oh.

Well, this is A computerized Security device

That scans The entire household.

It automatically Measures human Body heat.

Oh...What are those Two little bleeps?

Oh, that's you and me.

And what's That big blob?

Oh, could we move This along.

Well, according To the infrared Urkel alert,

There's An unaccounted-for Body mass upstairs

In the attic.

[slippers squawking]

Somebody should march Up there right now

And check it out.

Well, why didn't you Go check it out?

It's dark up there.

3j?

3j.

Huh?

Uh-oh.

3j.

We've been worried Sick about you.

How'd you find me?

Did richie rat me out?

No. We had no idea richie Was involved in this.

Well, good, 'cause he wasn't.

3j...

Why did you run away From the shelter?

Hey, I got places to go And things to do.

You need money To go and do.

No problem-o.

I got 12 bucks cash Right here,

Burnin' a hole In my pocket.

3j...We've got To take you back To the shelter.

You sure?

I'll give you 6 bucks If you say you never Saw me.

Look...

The shelter's Just temporary

Until they find you A good foster home.

Get real.

That's never Gonna happen.

Well...Sure, it will.

You just got to Think positive.

I'm positive...

It's never gonna happen.

Nobody wants A kid like me.

We do.

What do you mean?

Well...Harriette and I Would like to be Your foster parents.

Thank you, carl.

So what do you say?

Would you like to be A part of our family?

I guess we could Try it out.

See how things go.

Alright.

Tonight you bunk With richie.

And I'll go call Mr. Morrison.

Cool.

Thank you, carl.

What's shakin', big guy?

Hey, steve.

Well, whatcha doin'?

It's my day To clean the kitchen.

But I thought you were Going fishing today.

Yeah, harriette's Makin' me do this first,

And by the time I get to the lake,

The fish won't be Biting anymore.

Oh. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Don't be glum, chum.

Looky what I got.

Ooh.

That's right.

Eau de go, in a handy New spray atomizer.

Ooh.

Oh, not so fast, Mr. Grabby pants.

I'll give you What you're wishing,

But you must Take me fishing.

Okay. Deal.

Ooh.

[giggles]