Original subtitles

Goin' to school. Oh, yes.

Goin' to school.

Steve's going to be Going to college.

Okay, okay, here I come.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, okay. Whoo!

Harriette: steve, Tearing all up--

Steve, wait! Wait!

Eddie, stop him.

Steve! Lord have mercy!

Steve!

Steve!

Harriette: carl, stop him, Tearing up--carl!

I'm begging you! Stop!

Have you lost Your mind?

Well...

This is it.

I'm off to college,

Little ol' me At b.I.T.

Steve, boston institute Of technology

Is a very fine school.

We're all...

Proud of you.

Yeah. We're really Gonna miss you.

I leave here A child,

But I shall Return...

A man.

Having gained Not only facial hair...

But a wisdom and Newfound maturity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, steve. Drive carefully. Bye-bye.

Oh.

Oh, look.

You bought a banner To send me off.

Well, actually, I've had it For seven years.

Oh, I'm so touched.

Laura, my pet,

After all these years Together,

Isn't it so hard To say goodbye?

No, not really, no.

I'm gonna miss you all So much.

Eddo, my best bud,

Carl, my adopt-a-pop,

Harriette, My mom-in-a-million.

Steve...

Dorothy Took less time To say goodbye

To the entire City of oz.

Well, steve, you better Hit the trail.

I know you want To say goodbye to myra.

Oh, we said our farewells Last nught.

The poor little minx just Boo-hooed buckets.

I'll call her when I get to b.I.T.

Well, what is in here?

I guess my keys Aren't in there.

Well...

Look what we have Here, techies.

A brand-new Baby freshman.

[laughter]

Oh...

Number-two pencils.

Ssssmokin'!

Well, hello. I'm steven q. Urkel.

Are you fellas some sort Of welcoming committee?

Well, you could Say that.

Of course, If you did, You'd be wrong.

Oh.

I get the picture.

Bullies,

Ruffians,

Ne'er-do-wells.

Well, I'll Have you know

That I've been Pantsed, wedgied,

Swirlied, pink-bellied,

And nipple-noogied By the best.

We don't pink-belly Here at b.I.T.

Uh-uh.

Hey.

We haze...

The brain.

Okay, okay.

This dormitory...

Is j.W. Forrester hall.

Quick! What did he do?

He designed The first Large-scale,

High-speed, Digital computer

With Random-access, Coincident,

Current-magnetic Storage.

Okay.

How do you apply The techniques

Of quasi-electric Light-scattering Spectroscopy?

You probe The critical Phenomenon

During The gas-liquid Phase transition.

Come on. Give me Something hard.

What? What's that? I don't un--

Oh. Oh. Okay.

Solve it!

Seven.

Oh! Oh!

How do you Like that?

Very impressive, Techie.

How'd you like to join Our advanced lab group?

We meet every Lunar half-cycle.

Ooh. De-lighted.

Wait! One more question.

Try me.

Where did you get Those cool suspenders?

Ya know...

I think I'm gonna Like it here.

* oh, what A beautiful morning *

* oh, what A beautiful day *

* I've got A beautiful feeling *

* everything's Going my way *

Carl. Huh?

What's gotten into you?

I'm happy, harriette, That's all.

Happy, happy, Happy, happy.

Well, I'll say.

Yesterday, You forgave the cubs,

Tipped a waiter 20%,

And said the I.R.S. Was a fine organization.

I tipped a waiter 20%?

Well, it's a simple Equation, baby.

Carl winslow Minus steve urkel

Equals happy, happy, Happy, happy, happy!

I must say that...

Since steve's been gone,

You have been A lot peppier.

Well, thank you.

I feel Years younger.

I've lost 4 pounds,

My cholesterol is down.

Hey. Hey, harriette, look.

Is that new hair?

138 new hairs, To be exact.

Follicles that were Afraid to show themselves

Until steve urkel Left the building.

Hey, son! How ya doing, son?

Hey, You want some money? There you go.

Man, thanks, dad.

What you reading, son?

Just a letter From steve.

Steve?

Mm-hmm.

How's he doing?

Oh, he's fine. He just wanted to know

If you guys Were coming to b.I.T.

For parents' weekend Next saturday.

Really?

Ohh. I'm working Next saturday.

Carl, You should go.

Edward, take a letter.

Alright.

Dear steve.

Mm-hmm.

No.

But, carl, steve's parents Are in russia.

If you go, it would mean The world to him.

Harriette, it's Parents' weekend,

Not neighbors- You've-driven-crazy- Your-whole-life weekend.

[doorbell rings]

Hi, laura.

Hi, myra. What are You doing here?

I miss my urk man!

Without stevie,

I'm filled With a terrible, Clawing ache,

The depths of despair,

An awful, Yawning emptiness.

Myra, I never thought I'd say this to you, But try and perk up.

Oh, hi, myra.

Easy for you to say. You have a man.

Okay.

Laura, you Going out tonight?

Yeah. I'm going To the sizzle club.

Will they let you in Half-dressed like that?

Ma...

And don't you think You have on a little bit Too much makeup?

Ma...

And don't forget, Your curfew's at 11:00.

Ma... Have fun.

Jeesh! Your mom Sure is strict.

Yeah. Every time I go on a date,

She dusts me For fingerprints.

Sometimes I wish I could afford To move out of here.

You mean that?

Yeah. It'd be great To only have to answer To myself.

Laura lee winslow, Come on down!

Huh?

Well, my daddy Said he'd get me My own apartment,

But only if I got A roommate. Hint. Hint.

Wait a minute. You're not suggesting That we--

Hello, roomie!

Ha ha ha. Bum-bum-bum-bum.

Hey, steve.

Hi, deek.

Hi, steve.

Hi, loomis.

Hi, steve.

Hi, mousepad.

Uh, wanna make Shadow puppets

With fiber optic Lasers?

No, thanks.

Wanna go measure How much liquid Is displaced

When a fly Lands in milk?

Been there. Done that. Moved on.

Hey, steve, You okay?

Yeah. I'm just A little homesick, That's all.

I miss my family.

[macarena plays]

Buenas dias, mi amiga.

Myra...It's 4:30 In the morning.

I know. I overslept. Did I wake you?

Oh, no. I was just about To wake up

In 4 hours anyway.

Goodie. Wanna exercise with me?

Sure. How about Some kick boxing?

Oh, you made a funny.

Come on. Let's have One of my monkhouse Morning mega milkshakes.

Guaranteed To blow the crust Out of your eye.

Myra, I really don't--

Bottoms up!

What was that? It tastes like Rancid orange juice.

Oh, don't be silly. It was catfish and tang.

It prevents Logjams from forming

In my teeny-tiny Tummy-wummy.

My tongue is numb.

Oh, don't worry.

That'll pass as soon as My tthe horseradish kicks in.

Remember, laura, It's free.

You're living here for free.

It's free.

Uh, yoo-hoo, Roomie,

You forgot To rinse your glass.

What?

It's like Mother always says,

"If with cleaning We are tardy,

Mr. Germ Will have a party."

Aw, good.

Whoops, you missed And got me wet.

Hey, steve-o, There you are.

Oh, hey.

I want you To meet my parents.

This is My mother vivian

And my father Charles yuck.

Oh, that would Make you chuck yuck.

No, that would Make me mad.

Oh, sorry.

Wanna tour the campus With us?

That's okay. I kind of feel Out of place.

I'm the only one Without a parent.

Well, see you later.

Hey, steve...

Yeah?

There's a guy here Looking for you.

Carl?

Big guy!

There she is. Howdy, bucka-roomie.

What's with The cowgirl outfit?

Why, it's annie oakley's Birthday today.

Myra, I'm movin' out.

I think I just Wanna move back in With my parents.

But--but why?

Is there An emergency at home?

Actually, I'm moving For your protection.

I don't understand.

Well, if I don't go, I will kill you.

I see.

Look, myra, don't take it Personally. It's just...

We're from 2 different worlds.

Mine's earth.

Okay. I understand.

Myra, I'm sorry. If you want, I'll pretend Like I still live here

So your dad'll Keep paying the rent.

No need. I made The whole thing up.

You did?

Why?

'cause I thought We could be friends.

I'm lonely with Stevie gone,

And for some Unexplainable reason,

I don't have Many gal pals.

Well, how many Do you have?

One.

She just told me She's moving out.

Laura, hoe come I'm Not popular like you?

I mean, I'm pretty, I'm perky.

And I can yodel In six languages.

You just try too hard.

You're just like A friendship tornado--

You suck up Everything in your path.

You just need to relax And let people breathe.

But then people Won't do things my way.

Bye, myra.

Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Okay.

If I try Really, really hard Not to try too hard,

Then will you stay?

No.

But I will Be your friend.

Alright!

Well, here's my room.

Isn't it cozy?

Well, It certainly is you.

Hey, urkel.

What's shakin', Deek?

Mom, dad, This is the guy

I was Telling you about. Ask him anything.

Who was Norbert wiener?

Norbert wiener provided The mathematical foundation

For the modern theory Of stochastic processes.

Ha ha ha. And he's my friend.

[door closes]

Well, steve, You're really popular.

Yeah. Thanks.

But you gotta Put it all In perspective.

Just between You and me, Big guy,

The student body here

Is a smidgen On the nerdy side.

Hey, steve, What is this?

Why, just a picture Of my favorite cop.

Ooh, ooh, ooh. And check it out.

It talks.

Carl's voice: Careful, steve.

[crash]

You idiot!

Makes me misty-eyed Every time I hear it.

Wanna hear the others?

Oh, no, no. Let's save some For next time.

I really should be Getting to the airport.

Oh, oh, oh, right. You have to go back.

Okay. Well, I guess I'll see you At thanksgiving, then.

Yeah, thanksgiving.

-carl? -hmm?

Thanks for coming.

You don't know how much It means to me.

I mean, b.I.T's A great school and all,

But I've got A real bad case Of the double ws.

The double ws?

Winslow withdrawal.

I miss you guys Like crazy.

Well, you know, steve,

I kind of realize that... I miss you, too.

Alright. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Yes, carl.

The answer is yes.

What was the question?

Won't you come home, Steve urkel?

Won't you come home?

Wait a minute. I didn't say that.

Oh, yes, you did. Not with your lips,

But with your eyes And your heart.

Why, when you said I miss you, I felt your pain.

Oh, but that Wasn't even pain. It wasn't even gas.

Oh, carl, I'm comin' home, Big guy. I'm comin' home!

Steve, wait a minute. What about b.I.T.?

What about b.I.T.? Why, I'll transfer.

I'll go to I.O.U. With Eddie, myra, and laura,

And the whole gang'll Be back together.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. And as god is my witness,

I will never leave you again!

Oh, I'll help you With that.

Here you go. Oh, careful, sir.

That ladder Looks a little shaky.

I warned ya.

He didn't listen to me. I told him very nicely The ladder's shaky.

He just kept on...