Original subtitles

Previously on Family matters...

Behold, the urk-pad!

It's A teleportation Device.

Anything that's Placed on this pad

Is broken down into Individual molecules

That are sent By microwave To another urk-pad,

Where the molecules Are instantaneously Reassembled!

And whatever you do,

Don't let some Stray goober

Accidentally Step on it.

Hey, what's this?

Oh, oh, carl, don't!

What happened?

Bonjour, monsieur.

Welcome to paris.

What?

Is everybody here?

No. My daughter Laura's coming,

And she's bringing A friend.

We flew united.

Oui, oui.

Haw haw.

[horn honks]

[horn honks]

Woman patron: aah!

Well, I've got it all Worked out.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Oh, thanks, dad. Uh-huh.

You work here For two weeks,

And you don't go To prison.

[french accent] Did you get The blueprint?

[french accent] Not yet.

This steve urkel Is...Different.

Nicole,

Your job is To find out how This urk-pad works.

Once we have This technology,

We make a fortune.

Don't worry, I have a plan.

Hey, hey, hey, Where are you Taking me?

You'll see.

And when we get there,

You're going to give me The blueprint To your urk-pad.

And what if I don't?

Then you're going to die!

Paco rabanne Is introducing

His new fall line Tomorrow night.

Paco rabanne?

Ooh, I love His clothes.

Would you like To be in our show?

I'm your guy.

[cheers and applause]

Women: whoo!

In 6 months You'll be A supermodel.

Uh...

Could he do that Living in chicago?

If stefan wants To be a model,

He'll have to move To paris.

I swear,

I had no idea gilbert Would kidnap you,

And I certainly Didn't know

He plans to kill you When it's over.

I thought we would Just ask you nicely.

Wait a minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute.

Eh, what was That part

About killing me When it's over?

Oops.

Stay tuned for the Exciting conclusion Of our paris adventure.

Well, I didn't know She was wearing a wig

Till the pork chop Knocked it off.

Maybe you will be better At washing dishes.

Ohh, man.

[speaking french]

Great. Well, this'll Only take a few years.

Man, france.

I'll tell you.

Gee whiz.

Eew, snails.

Nasty.

Yecch.

Eew.

Eddie: doing dishes.

How do I always manage

To get myself into these...

Bonjour.

Yeah, bon-whatever.

It's you!

Eddie: oh, My goodness.

You work here?

Tiens, bonjour, Monsieur.

Comment allez-vous Aujourd'hui?

Je suis tres heureuse De vous rencontrer.

Oh, man, I don't Believe this.

I finally Get to meet you,

And I can't Understand

A word You're saying.

Oops.

Now you're speaking My language.

Hmm.

Ah, there we go.

A little privacy.

And I'm feeling Perky in paris.

Ooh, come on Over here

And see me, Big boy.

Ooh, la la.

Oh, carl, I feel so nice.

Ooh, shopping Is so hard On my feet.

Yeah, but harder On my wallet.

[speaking french]

Hey!

You're not done yet?

Pipe down, Pistol pants.

We just finished.

Good.

If it doesn't work,

Bernard and jacques Will kill you.

If it does work,

They're going To kill you anyway.

Nicole: stop it, gilbert.

This has gone too far.

Steve is a good person.

A kind person.

A brave person.

Of course, He's a little naive,

But I think he's sweet.

And no amount of money Is worth taking the life

Of another human being.

Shut up Or we'll kill you, too.

I gave it a shot.

Now, show me How it works.

You wanna Test it out?

No way.

It could be, uh, Booby-trapped.

You try it.

Okay, whatever You say.

You're the man With the bullets.

You see, this way, I don't get hurt.

And if it does work,

He'll just teleport Somewhere else and, uh--

Get away!

Hey, What're you do--

Help! Help! Stop!

What the--

Help! I've been Kidnapped, carl!

Help, help, help!

Hey, hey, hey!

You, freeze!

No. You freeze.

Don't you threaten My husband!

Get him carl!

Get him.

Hurry, carl!

Send the police To the basement Of the opera house.

I'm going back To help nicole.

Harriette: Get him, carl.

Help me!

I'm back!

Stevie!

Oops, Wrong country.

What?

No time to explain.

Keep that outfit.

Steven, come back here!

Aah! Oh!

Where is the nerd?!

We thought He was with you!

Face it, guys.

Steve's outsmarted you.

He's probably outside Surrounding the opera house

With a squad of police Right now.

Or maybe not.

Oh!

Now I will kill you all In one fell swop!

Swop? Swop? Swop?

Enough! Kill them!

Duck!

Steve, Grab the stuff And run!

Hurry up!

Monsieur! Monsieur!

[speaking french]

Monsieur, La police!

La police! Me, me!

Come, come, Come, come!

Go!

Go, go!

Carl: vite, vite!

Faster!

Faster!

[speaking french]

Carl: what, Are you crazy? Move!

Aah!

Aah!

[honking]

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! They're gaining on us.

They're gaining on us.

Let me drive. I'll do it faster.

Oh, no, no, no! Go back! Hold on!

[speaking french]

[speaking french]

Ha ha ha.

[honk]

[honk honk honk]

[speaking french]

[all screaming]

Merci, beaucoup.

S'il vous plait, Monsieur,

Appeler la police. Vite, vite!

Steve, give me The urk-pad.

Come on! Come on!

Ohh!

Carl: come on, Steve!

Go, go, go!

Urkel: aah!

It sure is beautiful here.

Yes, it is.

I wonder what The water bill is For these fountains.

I don't know, But I'm sure glad

I don't Have to pay it.

[sighs]

Stefan...

We're talking About everything

Except what's Really on our minds.

I know.

Are you gonna Stay in paris?

No. I'm going back To chicago.

I mean, but think About what you'll Be missing:

I mean, modeling For famous designers,

Meeting celebrities, Making lots of money.

That's true.

But if I go back To chicago,

I'll be getting Something even better.

What's that?

You.

Laura, come on, What's the matter?

Stefan...

You came To paris to find your Direction in life,

And you found one, A great one,

And I think You should pursue it.

Now, laura-- No, no. Let me finish.

Stefan, you know I want you with me With all my heart...

But if you Don't follow This thing through...

I'll always Wonder what your life Would have been like.

And the truth is, So will you.

I love you, Laura winslow.

I love you, too.

[carl panting]

Where did-- Let's split up.

Okay, okay, okay. I'll go this way.

Aah!

Forget nicole. You get the urk-pad.

I will get the urk.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Pardon me, pardon me,

Pardon me, pardon me, Pardon me, pardon me.

Hey! Woman: aah!

[panting]

Jumping jehoshaphat, That's high!

Waah!

Ah, ah, oh, okay.

You get Away from me.

Get away from me. Get away.

Oh, hey, Get away from me.

What's going on At the eiffel tower?

I don't know,

But it doesn't have Anything to do with us.

Whoa!

Noo! Noo!

Help! Help!

Tell me how Your invention works,

And I'll pull you up.

Never!

Okay, then you die!

I was bluffing! I was bluffing! I was bluffing!

Carl...

Look.

Steve is up there.

[crowd yelling]

Oh, please, please. My hands are slipping.

Oh, for goodness' sake, man,

Isn't there any decency In you at all?

Nope.

[screaming]

We have to do something. Come, come.

Vite, vite, vite.

Aah! Aah!

Aaah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Ohh.

Dreams really do Come true.

Wow!

Mmmmm...

Wah.

Thanks again, carl, For saving my life.

Steve, you gave me A free paris vacation.

It was the least I could do.

Well, I guess We're all set to go.

Carl, did you Check us out Of the hotel?

Well, actually, Sweetheart,

I never Officially checked us Into the hotel.

Uh-oh, we better Get out of here.

Laura! You ready?

Now I am.

This isn't goodbye,

Just till we meet again.

Well, goodbye, Everyone.

It was certainly Nice meeting you.

Sorry about The kidnapping And all the violence.

[carl laughs]

Well, teleportation To chicago

Is cleared For takeoff.

Edward.

Sorry, dad.

But you can't Blame a guy for trying.

Au revoir, Mycheri amour.

Carl: ow! That's my foot!

Wait a minute, Steve, what are You doing?!

Harriette: will you stop--

Harriette, hold on For a second.

Ow!

People! People!

I just dusted in there.

[all yelling]