Original subtitles

Steve, we have to keep Our wedding guest list Below 250.

Here's a name We can cross off.

Oh, no, not uncle cecil.

It wouldn't be an urkel Wedding without uncle cecil.

Isn't he the one who Draws a face on his stomach

And then makes His belly button talk?

Oh, no, That's aunt muriel.

Uncle cecil's the one Who shoves paint up his nose

And sneezes portraits.

Oh, I bet he's very prolific During cold and flu season.

Oh, yeah, that's when He does landscapes.

Steve, I don't see your Parents' name on this list.

Oh, I called them In moscow

And they said they would Be busy on our wedding day.

Busy?

Yeah. As bad luck Would have it,

Their favorite episode Of the mod squad Is coming on.

Of course, over there It's called Modski squadski.

Well, I guess that's 2 less badger filets We have to pay for.

Save our money.

Uh, laura, there Is something else I'd like to bring up.

It's a longstanding Urkel tradition

To wait 3 months before Consummating the marriage.

But, steve-- Okay, okay, you Talked me out of it.

[knock on door]

Consummate my marriage. Consummate my marriage.

Consummate my marriage. Consummate my marriage.

Hello, are you Steve urkel?

Oh, my god! Buzz conrad!

The famous Astronaut?

Wow, I can't believe I'm actually Shaking hands

With the man who Walked on the moon.

Do you mind If I come in?

Sure, come on in!

Buzz conrad Wants to come in.

Take one small step For man,

One giant step--

Uh, that was The other guy.

Oh, sorry.

Buzzy, Meet my honey Laura winslow.

Laura winslow, Buzz conrad.

How do you do?

Good to meet you.

What in the name Of william shatner Are you doing here?

Well, steve, I have Very exciting news.

The international Space program Has chosen you

To be the first Student in space.

Ooooohhh!

Oh, my god.

I fainted in front Of buzz conrad.

Oh, I'm So embarrassed.

Of course, you probably Fainted when you found out

You were going into space.

No.

During liftoff? No.

Re-entry? No.

You never fainted?

Just once when I Watched an episode

Of homeboys In outer space.

Oh!

So, why'd you pick Steve?

The space program Had a national Science contest,

And steve's entry Won first place.

Really? You mean you liked The urkel a.G.F.-5000?

Oh, yes.

The urkel A.G.F.-5000?

Yeah, a.G.F. Stands for Artificial gravity field.

You see, I worked up Some equations That, in theory,

Should produce gravity In a weightless environment.

Steve, we're building A prototype of your Invention right now,

And we want to test it In space with you aboard.

I'm the man!

I'm the man! I'm the man!

We'll need you to train In houston for 6 months.

I'm not the man.

What?

Well, my sweetie and I Are scheduled

To be hitched In 2 months.

Why, we've already Booked the caterer, The church, the hall.

I even hired A cheese sculptor to do Our likeness in velveeta.

See, we're kissing In a sea of crackers.

I see.

Excuse us For one minute.

Certainly.

Steve, this is A once-in-a-lifetime Opportunity.

But, laura, So is marrying you.

I wanna get hitched Before you change your mind.

Steve, that's not Going to happen.

Look, we'll just Postpone the wedding

Until after you Return from space.

No wonder I love you so much.

Buzzy,

Count me in.

I'll go On one condition.

What's that?

I get to steer The space shuttle. No.

Honk the horn? No.

Blink the lights? No.

Ride shotgun? Deal.

I love this guy.

Edward, you are The third generation Of winslow men

To graduate from The police academy.

Son, I have never been More proud of you.

Well, let me Tell you, dad,

I couldn't have had A better role model.

All: to eddie.

Man, this is just Fizzy apple juice.

Come on, laura, why Don't you help me With eddie's cake?

Sure, mom. Wait a minute.

There's cake In the kitchen

And I'm in the Living room? Bye.

We'd better get in there

Before he gets Strung out on frosting.

Oh, edward, sit down.

I got a present for you. Almost forgot about it.

Oh, cool. I hope it's green

With dead presidents On it.

Oh!

Here you go, honey.

Chocolate marble cake. Slammin'!

You know, this is Steve's favorite cake, too.

Except he likes it With a nice slice Of spam on top.

You really miss him, Don't you?

Of course. It's been 6 months.

[sighs]

I can't believe I miss him this much.

It's like a piece Of me gone.

Laura, you sound like A woman in love.

He's coming home tomorrow For a couple days Before the launch.

We'll going to go down To the polka hall and Dance the night away.

Now you sound Like a woman Who's lost her mind.

Edward, ever since You told me

You wanted to become A police officer,

I've wanted to give This to you.

So here.

Wow, a bullet-proof Vest?

Mm-hmm.

Dad, won't they issue me one When I report to duty?

Yeah, but they won't Issue you this one.

This is My lucky vest.

Hmm.

See that mark Right there?

Yeah, it looks Like mustard.

Below that.

Oh, here? Mm-hmm.

Oh, dad, was this mark Made by a bullet?

Yep, a .38 slug.

You never told me You were shot.

Well, you were only 5 When it happened.

It was a simple Traffic stop.

The guy was speeding, I pulled him over,

Asked to see his license.

And he pulled out a gun And shot me.

Why?

Well, turns out He was wanted for murder In another state.

And he thought I made him.

If it wasn't For this vest,

I wouldn't be here today.

Wow, that's deep. Mm-hmm.

Come on, let me Help you try it on.

Eddie: cool.

Yeah.

I wonder What's keeping steve.

He said he was going To be here at 9:00.

Relax, laura, It's only 10 after.

Oh, my god. I thought It was only 5 after.

Hi, laura.

Oh, steve!

Whoa!

Oh, I thought You'd be happy to see me.

Ooh, this is nice!

Standard issue.

I'm not talking About the outfit.

Welcome back, steve. You're looking good.

That's what 6 months Of astronaut training Will do for a guy.

Oh, so what's it Like in houston?

Oh, a little hot, Humid, way too many June bugs.

No, no, I meant The space center.

Oh. A little hot, Humid, way too many June bugs.

Uh, daddy, I haven't seen Steve in 6 months.

I know.

So...

Tell me about the astronauts You're going up with.

Well, the first guys I trained with,

Well, they left After a month.

The second 2 guys, They put in for Early retirement.

Kinda odd for fellas In their twenties.

So I'm going up with The last guys left--

Colonel mitch parker And major alan healy.

Whoa! So tell me About your mission.

He goes up, He comes down.

Come on, steve.

It's a little more Complicated...

Laura, why'd you Drag me away?

I was just about To tell carl--

Houston, We have ignition.

I'm sorry. I just Had to do that.

Oh, never apologize For kissing me.

Here, let me Wipe off your seat.

It's fine, steve.

I am so proud Of you.

Really?

Of course. The first Student in space.

You're only 21 years old

And you're Making history.

And to think a year ago I couldn't get a job At taco bell.

Well, laura, What's the matter?

I don't know. I was just thinking.

It took me 15 years To realize how important You are to me.

Now I could lose you.

No way. Ain't gonna happen.

Um, steve, I want you To promise me something.

Anything.

I want you to promise me That no matter what

You'll find a way To come back to me.

I promise, laura lee.

Oh, harriette, that Was a wonderful meal.

Oh, it surely was.

Now you see, blanche,

Lasagna doesn't Have to be crunchy.

How would you know, Dear?

You don't chew, You just swallow.

Well, I'm so glad You and the commissioner Could make it tonight.

Listen, why don't You and I

Go in the living room And smoke a couple cigars?

Oh, commissioner, No, I don't smoke.

How about we drink A little cognac?

No, sir, I don't drink.

Mm-hmm. How about We just get away From the women?

Oh, fine, yeah.

Blanche, you have 2 sons on the force, Don't you?

Uh, no, only cliff Became a cop.

Our other son cody Chose a different career.

Oh?

He's touring with Beauty and the beast.

He's the lead fork.

Oh. You must be Very proud.

[flat] Yes.

And you must be Proud of eddie.

Very.

And worried.

I used to worry About cliff, too.

But I made sure that His father gave him A safe assignment.

You did?

He put him in charge Of evidence lockup,

And he records all Of the stolen goods That get confiscated.

Hmm, that's interesting.

Not only is cliff Safe, but check out The new watch.

Just kidding. Just kidding.

Harriette, would you Like for me to talk to My husband about eddie?

Oh, I don't know.

Are you sure?

I don't lose Any sleep worrying About my son.

Blanche.

Yes.

Why don't you go ahead And talk to him about it?

I'll be happy to, Harriette.

Thank you.

You couldn't ask for A more beautiful morning

For this historic launch

Of the first Student in space

Aboard the Space shuttle explorer.

I have never been More nervous in my life.

Steve is going To be just fine.

Newscaster: This is a very critical Stage in the countdown

As they complete The fueling process.

Mission control: Flight controls Have been tested.

Standing by gimbal To main engine.

Green at the pad.

Steve: Uh-oh, wedgie alert!

It's going to get A whole lot worse Before it gets better, son.

Anchorman: the countdown Is at t minus 1 minute and counting.

Uh, wait, Ladies and gentlemen,

It appears that the Countdown has been halted.

There must be some complex And highly technical problem.

Hi, boys.

Myra!

You'll have to come With me, miss.

Don't touch me, you Brute. I'm with him.

Myra, you're Embarrassing your country.

Not to mention me!

Aah!

Let go of me!

Let go of me!

The technical problem Has been resolved and The countdown can resume.

The honor of launching Explorer goes to the First student in space--

Young steven q. Urkel.

He has prepared For this moment

With 6 months of rigorous And intensive training.

Mission control, Final ignition sequence Ready to commence.

Hydraulic power units Activated.

Pressure water system Activated.

Launch ignition system on.

You ready, kid?

I was born ready.

Mission control: T minus 10...9...8...

7...6-- [sneezes]

5-4-3-2-1.

Whoa!

Whoa, mama!

Come back to me Safe, steve.

Mmm.

Half the fat And half the calories.

Hey, I can have another one.

Hey, officer winslow.

How's it going out In those mean streets?

I have no idea. I've Been reassigned, dad.

What?

They yanked me Off my beat

And busted me down To meter maid.

But why?

I don't know.

They shove me into A little 3-wheel Motor scooter,

Dumped the box Of chalk on my lap,

And sent me On my way.

Well, this doesn't Make sense.

I mean, I talked to Your supervisor yesterday,

And he said that you Were doing a great job.

Yeah. Well, today, He's got me slapping Parking tickets on yugos.

Dad, can't you Help me out on this?

Well, son, I'll talk To commissioner geiss,

But I can't promise Anything.

You know, I became a cop So I could protect People from criminals.

Man, this sucks!

Hey, guys, being Weightless is neato With wow sauce.

It's like Being underwater Except I can breathe.

And I don't have To wear noseplugs Or earclips.

And there's no chlorine To chafe my nipples.

Yeah, that's what Neil armstrong used to say.

Hey, look, I'm a balloon In the macy's parade.

Go ahead, kid, say Hello to the world.

Hello, world!

Steve urkel here.

I dedicate this mission To my heavenly honey Laura lee winslow.

Soon to be Laura lee urkel.

How I wish all of you Could meet my fiancee,

But that's impossible.

So give her a ring At 312-555-0139.

[telephone rings]

Explorer, this is Mission control.

You're go for the Urkel a.G.F.-5000 experiment.

The planet is watching.

These tennis balls You see floating In the air around me

Will serve as A visual aid.

If my machine works, A gravity field will form

And these balls will fall Right to the floor.

If it doesn't... Well, 48 million Of your taxpayer dollars

Will go right down The toi-toi.

Here goes.

Gadzooks, it works! It works!

Congratulations, kid.

Way to go, steve.

You've demonstrated What the young minds Of america

Are capable of achieving.

You are the man.

Our computers Have analyzed the data From the a.G.F.-5000, steve,

And it's An unqualified success.

Hey, let's celebrate By cracking open a tube Of meat loaf paste

And for dessert, we'll Have cobbler in a pouch.

I gotta hand it To you, kid,

At first, I thought you Were an irritating dweeb.

Turns out you're An irritating genius.

I love you, man.

Explorer, this is Mission control.

We've got a little Situation here.

What's the matter, Houston?

Well, the a.G.F.-5000 Has drawn a satellite Off course.

Where's it headed?

Right at you.

And that sucker's Bookin'.

I hope this baby Has airbags.

Announcer: next time On family matters...

Explorer is locked down And ready for impact

Oh.

5...4...3...2...1.

Steve: the explorer is spinning Out of control.

I'm about to blow chunks!

And imagine my surprise, Not to mention Embarrassment,

When I found out the reason Eddie was reassigned

Was because You requested it.

I was worried About eddie,

And I wanted him To be safe.

Oh, harriette, You interfered In his career.

I protected him.

What you did, Harriette, Was wrong.

First thing Monday morning

Eddie will be Walking his beat.

If that happens, carl,

You're going To be walking, too.

We can't re-enter The earth's atmosphere

With a satellite Sitting on our back.

That's true. One of us Has to go e.V.A.

A space walk?

You're gonna have To send out the nerd.

Holy mackanoli!

[gunshots]

Get down, get down!

Stop! Police!

Halt!

I did it! I did it!

I got the satellite! I did it!

Mitch: Way to go, steve.

Only one problem. What's that?

I'm floating away With it.

Don't worry. You'll stop When you reach the end Of your tether.

Tether?