Original subtitles

Previously on Family matters...

* I got a date with laura *

* I got a date with laura *

* I got a date with laura *

* I got a date with laura *

That date Will never happen

Or my name isn't Myra boutros boutros Monkhouse.

Myra, we broke up. We're history.

Maybe you'll change your mind After you see...This!

Oh!

Oh, my.

When I saw you Kissing myra, I felt...

Well, I felt A little jealous.

So you're saying You'll still Go out with me?

You bet.

This isn't over yet, Missy.

Ooh.

Oh!

Uh-huh.

Hey, steve.

Oh! Hey, my lovely.

And what lucky store Had the pleasure of Your company today?

Spoo's.

Ooh.

I bought A new dress for our Date tomorrow night.

Oh, really? Can I see it? Can I see it?

No. I want it To be a surprise.

You'll see the dress When you pick me up.

Uh-uh-uh.

I have taken the liberty Of compiling a list

Of 74 things we can do After dinner.

I have written Every possible thing

Two people can do On a date.

Well, we could Go dancing.

75.

Or we could go For a nice walk.

76.

Or we could find Someplace quiet And sit and talk.

How do you come up With this stuff?

[humming]

Hey!

It's my favorite Guy--big guy.

Hey, steve.

Stop that.

Stop...Stop!

Sorry.

I'm just A little giddy.

Tonight is my big Date with laura.

Oh. Heh. Heh...

Ha ha ha ha ha...

Excuse me.

For a moment there I thought you said

You actually had A date with laura.

Well...

I do...

Have a date With laura.

Wait a minute.

Aren't you going Steady with myra?

Nope.

We broke up.

Now I'm as free As a bird.

Well, steve,

You better make sure That it's completely Over with myra.

You know, I was going steady With another woman

When I met harriette.

Really? Mm-hmm.

Her name Was georgia.

Uh-uh-uh-uh, uh, Hi, harriette!

How are you, Harriette?

It's okay, steve.

Harriette knows All about it.

Don't you, Sweetheart?

That's right.

What are we talking About, dear?

Oh. Uh, I was Telling steve

About how I was Going steady

With georgia When I met you.

Oh. Her.

So you dumped Another woman For harriette?

Yep.

I was this close to Proposing to georgia.

But when I saw harriette,

I knew that she was The only woman for me.

Right, baby?

Georgia had thick ankles And an overbite.

So you broke up With georgia, right?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

She was very upset At first.

But years later...

She broke my windshield With a brick.

Well, well, well.

Stevie's Made it here In record time.

[knocking]

Just a minute!

Oh...Steven. What a nice surprise.

Surprise?

You called me And ordered me To come over here.

Oh, yeah.

Well, I was wondering--

Want to elope?

Myra, please.

I know. I know it's laura You really want.

But let me ask you One simple question.

What proof do you have

That laura's Really a woman?

Myra!

I'm not sayin'.

I'm just sayin'.

Mitzi: myra!

Hurry! Grandma's stuck In her girdle!

Again?!

I'll bring The cold cream.

I'll be right back.

Oh...

Poor myra.

It's gonna be expensive To redecorate.

Ahh...

Hmm. I wonder What this does.

What the--

Stevie's glasses cam?

What in the name of G. Gordon liddy is this?

Oh! Myra's been Spying on me!

Boy, granny shot Out of that girdle Like a bottle rocket.

Oops.

Don't you oops me.

Myra, do you have An explanation for this?

Who put that there?

You've been spying on me.

Only for a month.

Myra, you put A surveillance camera In my eyeglasses.

How could you Stoop so low?

I had every right To do that.

You had no right Whatsoever.

Oh.

Then sorry.

That does it, myra.

For the last time, It's over.

You are not to Write me, call me, Fax me, anything me.

Is that clear?

Want to see A movie tonight?

Aaaah!

My treat.

Here's to A romantic evening

With the most Beautiful woman In the world.

Ha ha.

Well, is, uh, Something wrong?

I keep thinking about That woman you were seeing

When I met you.

Who, georgia?

Yeah. Her.

I never realized until You mentioned it today

That you actually intended To propose to her.

Ancient history, babe.

That was then, This is now.

Well...

Now I want to Talk about then.

Alright. What about it?

Well, I'm curious.

Did you ever Buy her a ring?

Well, uh, heh heh...

Might have.

Carl...

Is it the same ring You gave me?

What kind of Question is that?

One that needs An answer.

What was The question again?

Carl.

Harriette,

Even if it was The same ring,

What difference Would it make?

I mean, It's yours now,

And it's been yours

For the last 25 gloriously Happy years.

So it's the same ring?

Technically, yes.

Yes.

It is The same ring,

But in actuality, It's your ring.

I see.

"All my love..."

All these years I thought those words Were meant for me.

And now I find out They were meant For somebody else.

W-w-w-w-well, They were,

But not now.

Oh, come on.

Carl, this ring Used to make me Feel so special.

But now that I know It was never Intended for me...

I can't keep it.

Harr--

Harriette--

Well, I got wine...

Hey, daddy.

Hey, sweetheart.

Oh. You and mama Had a fight?

How'd you know?

Well, the only time You iron is when Mama's mad at you.

Well, she's not Mad at me.

It's worse.

She's disappointed in me.

Ouch.

The "D" word.

Laura, let me bounce Something off of you.

Let's say your boyfriend Gives you a nice Piece of jewelry,

And it happens To be a guy that You really love.

Well, of course I love him. He gave me jewelry.

Yeah, but years later...

Years and years and years And years later,

You find out that he...

Well, intended it For another girl.

How would you feel?

Hmm. Hurt, upset, disappointed?

Wh-what is it? Is it a girl thing?

Daddy, what second-hand Jewelry did you give ma?

A watch, a bracelet?

Well, it might Have been sort of Kind of like a...

Engagement ring.

You are going to be ironing For a long time.

W-w-w-why are women So sentimental about These things?

On behalf of all women Everywhere,

Excuse me?

Well, laura...

This ring, to me, Is a symbol.

A symbol of my love For your mother.

And I felt nothing But love when I Presented it to her.

Heh.

Dad, let me Ask you a question.

Sure.

Do you remember the day You bought that ring?

You bet I do.

It was A rainy saturday In may, 1972,

And I had Just finished Trimming my afro.

Alright.

And when you picked out That diamond,

Did you have a picture In your mind the smile It would bring?

Well, of course.

Now, tell me...

Whose face was that smile Attached to?

Oh, I'm gonna be ironing For a long time.

Steve,

You look very Handsome tonight.

Thank you, laura.

I'm wearing my new Italian designer Suit from a.M.S.

A.M.S.?

Yeah-- 'at's-a my suit.

Laura, you look So beautiful.

Thank you, steve.

I'd say you look as pretty As a picture but...

I've never seen A picture quite that pretty.

Well, you're layin' it on a Little thick but keep it comin'.

Shall we look at our menus?

Oh, sure.

If you tell me What you like,

I'll order it For you.

Well, why Would I do that?

Because sometimes Fancy, cool guys order For they womens.

Well, not this womens.

Duly noted.

Hmm...Let's see.

What looks good To you?

I don't know. Something light.

I want to save room For dessert.

What's that gonna be?

Your lips.

Excuse me, kind sir,

But do you Take requests?

Certainly. Anything but rap.

Oh.

Got that? Okay.

[ting ting]

May I have Your attention, Everybody?

Your attention, Please.

This lovely Lady and I met In kindergarten.

Miss austendorf's Class,

September 3, 1981.

I've loved Laura winslow Ever since.

So if You don't mind,

Tonight I'd like To sing her Our song.

We have a song?

[snap]

***

* if you're happy And you know it, Clap your hands *

* if you're happy And you know it, Clap your hands *

* if you're happy And you know it *

* and ya really Want to show it *

* if you're happy And you know it, Clap your hands *

* if you're happy And you know it, Stomp your feet *

* if you're happy And you know it, Stomp your feet-- *

Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

This is amore's,

Not a karaoke bar.

Well...

That was a hoot.

I'm going to Go freshen up.

Hi, guys.

Oh, my god... Oh, my god...

What?

Myra...

What are you Doing here,

And why are you Dressed like laura?

Because You love her.

I can Walk like laura, Talk like laura,

I can even Dress like laura.

Now Will you love me?

You have truly Snapped your cap, woman.

Book yourself The presidential suite

At the rubber Ramada, baby.

Steve, calm down.

Calm down? But look at her.

First she threatens me With legal action,

Then she spies on me With a hidden camera,

And now this!

Steve, just relax.

Uh, have A breadstick.

Myra, now, I know You're in pain,

But you've got to Let steve go.

Well, I can't.

My life will be Empty without him.

You know, if you Had told me that A year ago,

I would have said You were nuts.

But now I see What you mean.

Steve has a way of Getting under your skin.

You know what's Awful, laura?

What?

He loves you the way I love him.

You see, that's The whole point, myra.

You deserve somebody Who's gonna love you The same way.

Thank you, laura.

You know...

You're not the selfish, Cold-hearted yuppie hag I thought you were.

How sweet.

Here. I want you To have this.

Why?

Well, it's A peace offering,

A way for you and I To bury the hatchet.

Myra I cannot take--

Please?

Really. I want you To have it, okay?

Well, alright.

Thank you.

Well, um...

I guess I'll let You two lovebirds Alone now.

Goodbye, steven.

Goodbye, myra.

Please don't ever Forget me, okay?

Well, no danger Of that.

Was that frightening Or what?

She lost the love Of her life.

I really feel Bad for her.

Laura, I'm sorry.

I wanted this day To be so perfect,

But because of me, It ended up a disaster.

Oh, steve, relax. It's still early.

I'm sure the rest Of the date will be Just perfect.

There she is, Officer!

That's the hussy Who stole my watch!

[arguing]

Uh...

Hi, sweetheart.

Harriette, can I Have a moment of Your time, please?

What is it, carl?

Well, aren't you gonna Even ask why

I'm standin' up here in a tux?

I figured you were Posing for a wedding cake.

Cute, harriette.

But the reason I'm dressed This way is because

It's a very special occasion.

Harriette, would you Please take a seat?

Sweetheart...

You were right About the ring.

It was incredibly Inconsiderate of me

To give you a ring that Was originally intended For another woman.

Thank you.

Harriette,

You are the most Important woman In the world to me...

And you deserve A ring that's yours And...Yours alone.

May I have your hand, Please?

Oh, carl,

It's beautiful.

And the diamond Sparkles even more Than the old one.

Read the inscription.

"My true love Harriette."

Thank you, carl.

Harriette winslow...

I have loved you Since the very first Moment I saw you.

Would you stay Married to me?

Oh, yes, carl.

Forever.

Oh, I love you.

Announcer: Laura lee winslow,

Arrested january 30, 1998, For petty theft,

Subsequently released For lack of evidence

And then re-arrested 90 minutes later

For assaulting this woman...

Myra boutros boutros Monkhouse,

Aka snuggle buns, Cheese-knees,

And sugar lips.

A search of her home Revealed illegal Surveillance equipment

And led to charges Of stalking this man...

Steven q. Urkel,

Who did absolutely Nothing wrong

But just wanted to have His picture taken.