Original subtitles

* she works hard for no money *

* so hard for her honey *

* she works hard for no money *

* so you better-- * * so you better Treat her right *

Oh, yeah!

Steve, freeze.

Ooh! Is this A new game?

Steve, is you Break mom's china

She'll kill you And I'll have To mop up the blood.

Don't be silly. Now let me help.

What can I do? No, thank you, Mr. Clumsy.

The best way You can help

Is by getting out Of here immediately

I'll let you know, Mr. Clumsy was The old stever.

The new steve urkel Is mr. Graceful.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, hey, big guy. Let me help you with that.

It's okay, steve. I have it. Oh, come on.

No. I have it. I got it.

No. I got it, steve! Watch it!

Come here, steve. Come here.

Just give me A moment.

[speaking japanese]

I'm sorry. I don't Speak japanese.

I'm from oak park.

Oh, my faux pas. Dinner for 2, please.

Right this way.

Thank you. Thank you.

This is nice, Isn't it?

Welcome. Welcome To tanaka gardens.

I am mr. Tanaka,

And this is yoshi, Your teppanyaki chef.

It's an honor To be in your Restaurant tonight.

Oh, thank you.

It is an honor To have 2 people

Who have such great Fashion sense.

[indistinct]

May I suggest The house special?

Ooh, what's in it?

Oh, get it, honey.

It's got a little bit Of everything, Including squid.

Whoo! Whoo!

We like squid. We like squid.

Please, enjoy.

Thank you.

Hey. She got more Than me.

Bravo!

Wow! I'd give anything To be able to do that.

Being a master chef Does not come easy.

It takes a great deal Of practice and dedication

And 30 bucks for my video.

You mean, You train chefs here?

Yes. Sometimes

If they show promise.

Oh, I got promise. I promise.

I don't know.

You see, a great chef Must learn to think Not from here,

But from here.

And that is very difficult.

Oh, I don't mind Difficult.

I'm afraid not.

I'll work for free.

You start monday.

Aah, aah!

[doorbell chimes]

Hello, winslow.

Well, commissioner. What a surprise.

Please, come in. Come in.

Thank you. Thank you.

Can I get you anything?

Coffee, tea, Birdseed?

No, thanks. I won't Be here that long.

Winslow, This is andre.

[chuckles]

Well, andre.

Andre's a pretty bird. Pretty bird.

Hey! And he talks, too! Mm-hmm.

Well, andre's A very pretty bird.

Aw, you two are Gonna have a lot Of fun together.

Fun together, sir?

Well, you love birds, Don't ya?

Well, actually, I never Really thought about it much,

Except around thanksgiving.

Awk!

Carl, please, Now listen.

Andre's is my wife's Pride and joy.

I need somebody To look after him.

Blanche and I Are going off on A second honeymoon.

Oh, very nice.

Not if it's anything Like the first one.

Well, don't worry, sir.

Andre and I are Gonna have great fun This weekend.

What weekend? We're Gonna be gone 2 weeks.

2 weeks? Yeah. Now, listen.

All of his stuff Is in that bag.

His food, his toys, His books.

He reads?

Don't be ridiculous.

He just likes to look At the pictures.

Now, listen, If he gets cranky,

All you have to do is sing His favorite song:

Achy breaky heart.

That's a good one, sir.

I'm serious.

I'll learn it.

Hiya, steve.

Hai. Moshi, moshi.

So, how's the world Of a chef trainee?

Oh, yoshi's Teaching me a lot.

Why, in my spare time,

I'm practicing.

Slicin' and dicin'

And boppin' And choppin'.

How's it going?

Oh, it's going great.

Uh, steve, are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

The msg makes The blood clot faster.

Steve, I don't get it.

Why the sudden interest In japanese cooking?

It's all part Of my journey down the road Of self-improvement.

It looks like You got mugged At a rest stop.

Well, the way I see it,

This training will help me Eliminate my clumsiness

By teaching me focus, Coordination, and dexter--

Ow!

Hi, steve.

Good geisha!

What are you two Doing here?

I thought you Weren't coming until My cooking debut.

Oh, we just dropped by To say hi and bring you A little gift.

Wowser! Band-aids!

Those are For the customers

For when you Accidentally stab them.

Oh, a thoughtful gift, But shoo, shoo, shoo.

I have lots of work To do. Thank you.

Uh, steven, who Are these pretty Young ladies?

Oh, well, mr. Tanaka,

This is my very Special friend Laura lee winslow.

And I'm max.

It would Be truly an honor

If you would stay And have dinner.

Well, I really don't--

It's on the house.

Where do I sit?

Do you have lobster?

Ladies, tonight Your dinner Will be prepared

By our newest Master chef.

Ooh, wow! Who?

You, my friend.

Hooohhh!

Congratulations, Steve!

Oh, thank you, Laura.

Uh, mr. Tanaka, May I have a word With you, please?

Girl, this is great. Dinner and a show.

What show?

Watching steve work.

Don't you know When he worked In the car wash

And he got his Foot stuck In the track.

Oh, yeah.

He was washed And waxed five times

Before they got him out.

And for weeks When they rain The water

Just like beaded Right off of him.

Mr. Tanaka, I know You would like for me To cook tonight,

But, with all Due respect,

Are you out Of your mind?

No, steve, please. I know exactly What I'm doing.

It is only fitting That you make Your cooking debut

In front of the woman Your heart has chosen.

How'd you know It was laura?

Oh, your eyes Told the whole story.

You looked at her Exactly the same way

I looked at my wife The first time I saw her.

Ahh...

Ahh...

Ahh...

Mmm...

Mr. Tanaka, I've...

I've loved Laura winslow ever Since kindergarten,

But she never paid Me any attention.

It's only now that She started to have Feelings for me.

Oh, well, then You will impress her,

By showing her All that you Have learned. Yes?

Oh, I'm not ready. I'll make a fool Of myself.

That is not true. Steve, I have Watched you grow

From an awkward caterpillar Into a little less Awkward moth.

Ooh.

You have observed, You have studied hard,

You have trained well, You are ready.

I...Am...Ready!

Let's see.

Awk! Andre's A pretty bird. Pretty bird.

You know, that bird is Getting on my nerves.

For 2 weeks, All it ever says,

"Andre's a pretty bird. Andre's a pretty bird."

3j's cool. 3j's cool.

Come on. Say it.

Let me show you How it's done, Little 3j.

Check it out.

Eddie's the man.

Eddie is the man.

Andre is a pretty bird. Pretty bird.

You're right, dad.

Birdbrain.

Hey, maybe if I Give it some pizza, It'll talk, huh?

Good idea.

Hey, andre. You like pepperoni?

Here you go.

Ouch!

That bird bit me!

You know, I can't believe Commissioner geiss left me With this stupid bird.

That geiss is an idiot.

Awk! Geiss is an idiot.

Geiss is an idiot.

No. I didn't mean that.

Awk! Geiss is an idiot. Geiss is an idiot.

I didn't mean that. No, no, no!

Geiss is an idiot.

No. Geiss Is a great guy.

Geiss is an idiot.

And now...

For the very first time,

Your newest Teppanyaki chef.

Mr. Steven q. Urkel.

Yay!

Yay!

With your permission...

I would like to prepare...

The specialty of the house:

Tsunami supreme.

Sss...Ohh...

Think not from the head.

Think from the heart.

Max: you go, boy.

Laura: steve! That was great!

Oh, you liked it?

Laura: yes!

Ohh! Ohh!

Oh! Don't panic! Don't panic! Don't panic.

Okay. Now it's time To panic.

Steve! Turn it off!

Turn it off, steve!

I'm trying!

Steven--

Oh, mr. Tanaka.

Oh, I'm so sorry I caused All this damage.

I promise I'll repay you. I'm so sorry.

Sorry? Your quick thinking

And your over-the-top response,

You--you saved My restaurant.

You killed my business, But you saved my restaurant.

You mean...

You're not mad At me?

No, no, no. I am very grateful.

A soggy restaurant Is much better

Than a burned-down Restaurant.

You are a kind and wise man. Kind and wise.

Yes. Well, one day When the place Is all dried out,

You can come back Here and cook Anytime you like.

Oh, really?

Oh, thank you.

I am a very Fortunate man.

Because No one got hurt?

That and, uh,

I just renewed My flood insurance.

Geiss is a great guy.

Geiss is a great guy.

Aw, come on, bird. You can say it.

Awk! Geiss is an idiot. Geiss is an idiot.

Now, look, you stupid bird.

Geiss is gonna be here Any minute.

And you are going to say Geiss is a great guy,

Or I'm gonna-- I'm gonna--

Awk! Awwkk.

Awk! Awk!

Awk awk awk awk!

Awkk! Awkk!

* don't tell my heart *

* my achy breaky heart *

* I just don't think He'd understand *

* and if you tell my heart *

* my achy breaky heart *

* he might blow up And kill this man *

Okay.

I love you, bird.

Geiss is an idiot.

Geiss is an idiot.

[doorbell chimes]

You see? Geiss is here now.

He'll probably Have my job for this.

Awk! Geiss is a great guy.

What did you say?

Awk! Geiss is a great guy.

Oh, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Well, commissioner geiss, Come in!

How was your vacation, sir? Welcome back.

Winslow, have you ever Spent any time alone With my wife?

Is that a Trick question, sir?

Never mind.

Just say I'm glad to Be back in the line of fire.

Well, here's andre!

Happy, healthy, And was no trouble at all.

Well, thank you, carl.

You know, I don't really Consider you a captain.

Thank you, sir.

You're more than that.

Like a high-level Subordinate.

Alright, andre. Hop up. Let's go home.

Ahh...

Awk! Geiss Is an idiot.

Geiss is an idiot.

I can explain that, Sir.

There's nothing to explain.

Well, I'd like to Try, sir. You see--

No. No. That's alright.

My wife taught him To say that.

Oh.

She thinks it's hilarious.

Oh. Ha ha ha!

I don't. No. Not funny At all, sir.

I'll tell you the truth.

Between you and me, Sometimes blanche can be A real pain in the butt.

Oh.

Awk! Blanche is a pain In the butt.

No, no, no. No, andre, no.

Blanche is a great wife.

Blanche is A great wife, andre.

Andre: blanche is a pain In the butt.

Ooh, what a night.

You can say That again.

I almost blew away Your weave.

Well, goodnight.

I have to go shake The rice out of my pants.

Uh, steve, wait.

You want to come help?

No.

I just want To tell you, um,

You really Impressed me tonight.

I did?

Yeah. I always think Of you as, well,

Very clumsy.

But the way You cooked tonight,

It was really cool.

Cool?

Yeah. I would even go So far as to say sexy.

Sexy?

Very.

Uh, laura...

Yeah?

If you like, I could...

Chop some vegetables Right now.

Let's not cheapen it With additional produce.

Right.