Original subtitles

Thursday!

Friday!

Saturday!

Yeah.

Hey, steve!

Hey, eddo.

[sniffing]

What is this?

Has my schnozzola Detected The heavenly scent

Of cluster buster Candy bars?

Man, you actually Like these things?

Like these things?!

Hoh! They are delish!

Plus cluster busters

Contain twice the U.S. Recommended daily Allowance of fat.

Hmm. Hmph.

Uggh. Man, this stuff Tastes like dog food.

It does not.

Dog food is saltier.

You just plain nasty, steve.

If you don't like The taste of them, why Did you buy so many?

Because they're sponsoring A half court shot contest At a clippers game.

Sink a basket, Win a million bucks.

Wowser! A million bucks!

But to take the shot,

First you got to find The golden wrapper inside A cluster buster bar.

Oh, neato. Oh, boy!

With that kind Of moola, I could Soup up my isetta,

Ooh! I could commission A sculpture of myself In cheese.

Oh, oh, oh! And then I could donate the rest

To buying bug feeders For all the national Parks.

Steve, people like you Don't deserve to win money.

Man! Nothing!

Well, I guess I have To go buy another case.

See ya in a minute.

Eddo, maybe I Should try my luck.

Here, here, here.

I could have it Right here The whole time.

You actually keep a candy bar In your wallet?

Don't you?

Oh! I could have The golden wrapper Right here.

Steve... Give it up.

Man, I've opened up A couple hundred Of those things,

And there's no way-- Aah! Aah! Aah!

I found it! I found it!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! I found it! I found it! Aah!

I found it! Aah!

I don't believe this.

I don't believe this.

I'm rich!

You got to make The basket first.

I'm potentially rich!

You know, daddy, I am so proud of you,

Having a healthy Protein breakfast.

Hey, when I make up my mind To start eating better,

Nothing can stop me.

Ooh! Heh heh. This needs something.

Hmm, what, what, what?

Oh, I know, Bacon and eggs.

Oh, honey, You look great.

Ah, well, thank you.

I want to look nice For my new boss.

Ma, you nervous?

Nervous? I've had New bosses before.

Why would I be nervous?

Uh, well, ma, If you're not nervous,

Then why are you Pouring orange juice Into my cereal?

Oh, because you need More vitamin c.

Harriette, you're Gonna be just fine.

Your boss is going To love you.

Of course I'm gonna be fine. I'm cool as a cucumber.

Sweetheart...

Eh...

Why are you watering The plants with coffee?

Oh, 'cause they Hate tea.

Well, alright. Alright.

Maybe I am just A little bit nervous.

But the office grapevine Has it that mr. Benner Is really tough.

Come here, sweetheart. Come on now. Relax.

Mr. Benner is very lucky To have harriette winslow In his department.

Well, I think so, Anyway.

Yeah, aside from That orange juice thing, You've got it going on.

Good morning, everyone. Please take a seat.

I am derrick benner, The new head buyer For ferguson's,

But don't think of me As your boss, we're a team.

So think of me As your coach,

And this coach Likes to win.

Now, I believe that everyone Has something important To contribute to the team.

So if you've got Any suggestions,

Don't be afraid To speak up.

Ah, I like his style. I've got lots of ideas.

Go ahead, slugger.

Kevin samuels, Home furnishings.

I got a real winner Here, coach.

I think we should offer A line of orthopedic furniture.

You know, chairs to support The back and neck and spine?

Kevin, orthopedic chairs Are used mostly By the elderly,

And the elderly Generally live on A limited income.

They don't spend money.

So, kev...

I would have to say Your idea Is pretty stupid.

I believe you had Your hand raised.

Did you have A suggestion?

Oh, no. I was just stretching.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

Grant hill. 6'8" Of beautiful, Delicious black man.

Why can't they all Be like you?

What?

A kiss?

But I hardly know you.

Well, okay.

But only because I Hate to see you beg.

It's my fault, man.

I mean, as your manager, I should've known better.

Now, eddo, really. You're being too hard On yourself.

No, no, man. We really Should've picked A basketball court

Further away From the javelin field, You know? I mean...

Now, look, Take a load off.

I'm gonna get A fresh basketball.

We'll be back on the court In less than 5 minutes.

Right. Take a load off. I'm Taking a load off.

Steve, have you guys Been practicing Half-court shots all day?

Since 5 a.M.

Ahh...That feels So...Good.

Cool...Refreshing...

Eddie.

What's up?

You're pushing him Too hard.

By the time you guys Get to l.A.,

He's gonna be Too tired To make the shot.

Laura, do you understand

That there's A million dollars riding On steve making this shot?

Oh, but, eddo--ow, aah.

Eddo, I'm in so much pain.

My back aches, My arm burns, My feet hurt.

Oh, even my tushy's tender.

[tweet] Aah! What?

Come on, steve. Let's go.

Back to the court. Hustle up. Hustle up.

Okay. Okay. Come on!

Okay. Okay. Oh, oh, okay.

Oh, eddo, really, I don't think there's any way

I can make it all the way To that door.

Yo, bro! No problemo!

You see? I got your back.

That's what brothers Are for.

What are you Gonna do, eddo?

I'm here for you.

Oh, eddo...

I don't think me And this chair are Gonna fit in your car.

Well, I'll just Tie you on top.

Alright, team. There are a few issues

I would like To address today.

James. Oh, god.

Why is the shipment of Children's clothing late?

Well, uh, that w-w--

What's the matter, jimmy, Cat got your tongue?

Or are your dentures Slipping again?

I-I'm sorry, sir. Our carrier Was on strike.

Then you should've found Another carrier.

Maybe it's time we retire Your jersey, gramps.

I-it'll never Happen again.

It had better not.

This is a department store, Not leisure world.

Oh. I just know that I am gonna be next.

Harriette winslow.

Yes!

Sorry.

How long have you been Our housewares buyer?

5 months, mr. Benner.

Well, you seem Pretty sharp.

I've heard some Nice things about you.

Well, thank you, sir.

But I have gone over Your inventory,

And I've noticed that A lot of what you bought Isn't even on display.

Well, sir, we're Remodeling to make room For more display space.

And just how long Is this remodeling Going to take?

Well, we should be finished By the end of the week.

We can't sell What the customer Doesn't see.

I want it finished By tomorrow.

Mr. Benner, I don't think--

Exactly. You don't think.

Well, excuse me, Mr. Benner--

You know, I am not Exactly a happy camper Right now.

And a little down-sizing Might just make me Feel better.

So tell me, harriette, Is there anything more You'd like to say?

No. I guess not.

I didn't think so.

Hey, honey.

Hi, carl.

My goodness. You sure pulled A late one tonight.

Yeah, I know.

Oof! My staff and I Did 3 days' work In one night.

Mr. Benner is tougher Than you thought, huh?

He's a tyrant, carl.

Well, how?

He's verbally abusive.

He attacks people Personally, carl.

Today, he called me A loser.

A loser?

Well, I got a good mind To go down to ferguson's

And give mr. Benner A lesson in manners.

What are you Gonna do, carl?

Arrest the man For being an idiot?

Well, I don't care. Nobody talks to my wife That way.

Oh, thank you, honey.

But I'm gonna Have to handle This one myself.

Your going down there Is only gonna Make matters worse.

Well, what are You gonna do, Sweetheart?

I don't know, carl.

I'm so tense, I can't Even think straight.

My stomach's Always in knots,

And the only good thing About all this stress is That I've lost 5 pounds.

Well, sweetheart, Why don't you just leave?

You can be a buyer At any department store.

Carl, I don't want A new job.

I put in four years At fergusons.

Well, if it's gonna Make you come home Every night

With knots In your stomach,

Is it really worth it?

Honey, listen, I appreciate Your being on my side,

But we need both Of our incomes.

We have children to feed, College tuitions,

A mortgage, 2 car notes.

I guess I have no choice But to do things benner's way.

Not if I find out that He has some outstanding Parking tickets.

Thank you, honey.

Steve: I don't know If I can do this, eddo.

I think I got A little jet lag.

Don't worry About it, steve.

Stay focus on the goal And put the ball In the hole.

I feel a gas-- Come on, now.

Stay lose, baby. Stay lose.

Eddie: keep it warm. Keep it warm.

I'll help you. Okay, okay. Right.

But I shoot With my right arm.

Oh!

[buzzer]

Ladies and gentlemen,

We begin our half-time Presentation

With the cluster buster Million-dollar half court Shot contest.

Tonight's contestant going For the million-dollar payday

Is steven q. Urkel.

Go on!

Hey, look. There they are.

I see 'em. I see 'em.

Steve, congratulations on Finding the cluster buster Golden wrapper.

Hah...Hah, Thank you, fred.

It's a pleasure to be Here in los angeles.

The clippers are one Of my favorite teams.

Are you nervous?

Thank you, fred.

It's a pleasure to be Here in los angeles.

The clippers are one Of my favorite teams.

He looks A little nervous.

Remember, Cluster buster bars Are not only delicious,

They also provide Twice the u.S. Recommended Daily allowance of fat.

Hey, hey, hey. What's happening? What's happening?

My name is eddie "Money" winslow.

As steve's agent, I have something to say

To all you oh-so-fine, Gold-diggin', material Shallow girls.

Check us out. Y'all Can meet us around back At about 15, right?

And now, on behalf Of cluster buster bars,

Take your one and only shot.

Here you go, steve. You got it, baby.

You can shoot, baby. You got it, baby. You got it, baby.

You the man.

You think He can make it?

Please. Your grandmother Has a better chance Of making this shot.

Crowd: shoot the ball!

[crowd cheers]

Did I do that?

Who else?

Who else?

I swear to god. I'm gonna wring Your neck, man.

Where--where Are you going?

Steve! I'm gonna whip you.

You didn't bring me All the way out here From chicago...

Okay, team. I'd like To begin today's meeting By thanking harriette

For completing The housewares renovation Ahead of schedule.

Well, thank you, sir. My staff worked Long and hard.

I guess that explains All this overtime They put in for.

Well, sir, we had to work Quite late into the night

In order to make Your deadline.

Oh, so now, it's my fault that Ferguson is charged with all This overtime?

Well, sir, I'm not blaming Anybody for it. All I'm saying--

Good. Because I'm not Going to approve it.

Mr. Benner...

Ferguson's will not pay For your mismanagement.

Mismanagement?

It's not a good day To ask for a raise.

Is there something You'd like to share With us, susan?

Uh, no, sir.

Why don't you share With us

Why cosmetics sales Are down 10%?

Well, we always Have a small slump Before the holidays.

Oh, is that it?

Or is it that women Take one look at you And swear off makeup?

Alright. Okay. That's it. You've gone far enough.

Mr. Benner, When you came here,

You had a reputation For being tough.

And I can handle tough.

But you don't stop at tough, You go to cruel.

I will not tolerate This insubordination.

Apologize right now, Ms. Winslow, or you're Out of here.

Apologize? You're the one Who needs to apologize, Mr. Benner,

To susan, kevin, james, me, And everyone else That you've insulted.

I am not here To win friends.

Duh! That's obvious, sir.

Mr. Benner, When you came here,

You told us that We were a team...

And that you Were our coach.

Well, sir, A good coach is suppose To encourage his team,

Not destroy their confidence.

A good coach Gets the best From his players.

Oh, but, coach, You fumbled the ball.

Mr. Benner, you Seem to have forgotten

That we're not just Employees. We're people.

And we have feelings.

The only person around here Who's not doing their job, Sir, is you.

You're fired.

Ooh, that felt good.

I quit!

That felt better.

Carl, I quit.

I can't believe it. I quit.

Well, sweetheart, You had to.

You had no other choice.

But, carl, I don't Have a job anymore.

Sweetheart, You got something Much more important.

You got your Self-respect.

[telephone rings]

Hello.

No! Yes. Yes. Just a second.

Mr. Ferguson.

Mr. Ferguson?

Mr. Ferguson, What a surprise.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

What'd he say? What'd he say?

Uh-huh.

Uh, I see.

What do you see? What do you see?

Well, sir, if that's The way you feel.

How does he feel? How does he feel?

Well, he said he spoke To some of my coworkers

And decided to fire Mr. Benner.

Then you got Your old job back!

No.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.

I got a brand-new job, Benner's. Ha ha ha!

You're the head buyer!

I don't believe you, Steve urkel.

Boy, who would've thought

One of those scoreboards Would cost A million dollars?

You know, You are the only person In the world

That can win and lose A million dollars In one minute.

Well, I didn't mean To hit the scoreboard.

It was an accident.

Haven't you ever Made a mistake?

Not a million-dollar one. Get up the stairs.

How long are you going To keep saying that?

Don't you push me. Till the day you die,

Which might be sooner Than you think. Get up the stairs.

God's gonna punish you For that.

[doorbell rings]

That's him right now.

Pushing me. It was a mistake!

Oh!

Oh, mr. Denton!

Mr. Cluster buster Himself.

Hello, steven.

Oh, come on in. Come on in.

What brings you To our humble abode?

Well, young man, There's been a terrible Accounting error.

It turns out it didn't Cost a million dollars

To replace The scoreboard.

Hah hahh!

I knew that was A high estimate...

And I should know,

Because I've destroyed A lot of things.

Well, I'm here because Cluster buster wants To make things right.

Well, let's make it right.

Whoo-hoo! Bring on The moola. How much? How much? What? What?

$200? Oh, no, no. 300,000? How much?

Not exactly. $4.38.