Original subtitles

Now, don't be surprised If tomorrow

We have an unannounced Pop quiz

On lighter-than-air gases.

[students groan]

Hey, everybody!

I just made the most remarkable Chemistry discovery

In the last 100 years!

Wait till I tell you What it is.

[bell rings]

Wait, wait. I haven't told you yet.

I--I still Haven't told you yet.

I'll tell you tomorrow When you're all nice and fresh.

Steve, you alright?

Oh, am I alright?

How would you feel If you just infused

The free-radical neuron In the hypothalamus

With an isotope From a sub-zero polymer?

See? It's right here. Look--

Well, there's The hypothalamus.

Well, steve, that's Been tried for years,

But no one could find A bonding agent.

Hah! Yogurt!

Of course!

Yogurt?

Yo-gurt.

See, molecular Brain waves,

When transmitted through Yogurt to my brain,

Increase the capacity Of my memory.

And it makes A delicious Low-fat snack.

Amazing. That's nobel Prize-winning material.

Ooh, even better, It might even Get me an "A."

You know, steve, It's not fair.

A gifted student Like you

Should have His own laboratory.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

I'm going to talk To dean jones about it.

Well...

Me?

My own laboratory?

With my very own test tubes?

Yes, steve.

Oh. Oh, professor,

I promise you, You won't be sorry!

We might want to leave Before that explodes.

Carl, what about going To see a movie tonight?

No, sweetheart, I'm not hungry.

And after that, A little mud wrestling.

Oh, that'll be Just fine, sweetheart.

Carl, you're Looking at those Wonderbra ads again.

I just find the-- The engineering So fascinating.

Really? Let me see.

Yeah, sure.

Hey, what's up, You two?

What's with The long faces?

Yeah, fellas. What's wrong?

You know how We wanted to be Junior woodsmen?

Sure. What happened?

We can't get in.

Troop 134's Completely full.

Well, can't you try To get in another troop?

Sure, if we move To canada.

There aren't enough Troop leaders In our area.

So now we're just Two disenfranchised Inner-city youths.

You know, It is a darn shame

That more adults Don't devote their time

To these kind Of activities.

I can't believe More adults won't Volunteer to be leaders.

So you'll do it, Uncle carl?

Do what?

Of course he will.

Wh-wh-what? What'll I do?

You'll make A great troop leader.

What?

And now we're gonna meet All the girl scouts We can handle!

Uh-uh!

No, no, no! Wait a minute!

Phillips hand screwdriver. Allen wrench.

Say, have you two met?

Phillip, allen. Allen, phillip.

Ha, I crack me up.

Steve, How are things going?

Oh, are you kidding?

In my own lab, Why, I'm happier than A tick in a blood bank.

Well, I'm glad because The board of regents

Has made quite An investment in us.

Well, I appreciate it.

And rest assured, Their investment Is gonna pay off

Because the urkel Total recall machine

Is ready for Its maiden voyage.

Excellent, steve. How's it work?

Well, it's really Quite simple.

This machine stimulates The cerebral rantanum's Ability

To disseminate Informational waves

To didecting parts Of the cranial Storage area.

Meaning? It helps you Remember things.

Oh.

Time to put the pedal To the metal

And pump up the jelly!

Steve, are you sure This machine's safe?

Oh, absotively, Posilutely 100% safe.

You're not wearing Metal underpants, Are you?

No.

Then it's safe To blast off.

Buckle up for safety.

Let 'er rip!

Steve, are you okay?

Couldn't be better, Professor.

[bell dings]

Uh, steve, What happened To your machine?

Well, I think It worked just fine.

Ch-ch-ch-chk!

I just seem To be experiencing A few side effects.

Well, don't worry, Steve.

Science is a process Of trial and error.

[thinking] How am I Going to explain This to the board?

Just tell 'em we have A few kinks to work out.

Tell who?

The board.

But how did you know I was thinking About the board?

I just heard you As clear as a bell.

But, steve, I didn't say anything.

I was only thinking About the board.

Aaahhh!

I don't believe this!

Okay, professor, Let's try something.

I want you to think About what you had For breakfast.

Don't tell me. Just think about it.

Okay. Here goes.

[thinking] I had skim milk, An egg-white omelet,

And pork sausage.

You had...

Skim milk...

An egg-white omelet...

And pork sausage.

That's amazing! You read my mind!

Aaahhh!

Snow white!

This dwarfs anything I've ever invented before!

My lord! You've done The unimaginable!

Do you realize What this means?

This'll change The whole world.

It'll revolutionize The police Interrogation system.

Politicians Will be forced To tell the truth.

And best of all,

Men will finally know What the heck Women are thinking!

Oh! Laura's cajun meat loaf!

Sign me up For seconds!

[thinking] Laura better Marry a rich man

'cause the poor baby Sure can't cook.

[thinking] This meat loaf Reminds me.

I gotta repave The driveway.

Man, this makes broccoli Seem like desert.

I sure am glad I spoiled My dinner with a candy bar.

Hmm, see it looks Really nice tonight.

I'm so confused.

I love stefan, but lately, I'm attracted to steve.

Aha!

I knew it!

You are Attracted to me!

Heh heh. Boy, you so crazy!

Oh, no. I distinctly Heard you thinking

You were attracted To me.

Steve, what's going on?

Well, an experiment of mine Backfired earlier today,

And...Now I can read minds.

Oh... Oh, that's Ridiculous.

No, no, no! It's true!

Tell you what.

Somebody think something,

And I'll tell you What it is.

Harriette thinking: Poor child has Finally lost it.

No, I haven't, Harriette.

She was thinking, "The poor child Has finally lost it."

That's right!

And, laura, I read your mind When you thought that You were attracted to me.

I better get out of here Before I think something I might regret.

Steve, I don't know What you're up to,

But reading minds Is like opening Someone else's mail.

No, no--

You just don't do it.

This is creepy.

We're outta here.

Guys--

Carl, I thought Reading minds Would be a good thing.

Well, steve...

You know...

Invading somebody's Privacy is...

Never a good thing.

Okay, boys, circle up!

The first meeting Of troop 86

Will now come to order.

Do we get food?

Later, norman,

But first, Let's start by reciting

The junior woodsmen Sacred oath.

"A junior woodsman Stands like a tree,

"Devoted to truth And the land of the free.

"He's loyal to his brothers Across the planet,

And his lifelong bond Is written in granite."

Junior woodsmen, Give the salute.

Loo loo loo loo loo Loo loo loo loo loo!

Hey, great loo-looing.

Okay, let's sit.

Now, I think we should Start the meeting

By everyone taking a turn

And telling what you hope to Get out of this experience.

Some girl scouts!

Whoo! Yeah! Yeah!

They dig the uniform.

Yo, 3j.

'sup?

There are no girls At this meeting,

So sit down.

But we are gonna Talk about camping.

When are we Gonna eat?

Later, norman.

You see, the book tells us

Where to find All the good camping spots.

Well, what if you can't Find a good spot?

Well, richie, I'm sure The book will probably Tell us what to do.

What if you get lost?

Well, rich, I imagine It's probably somewhere...

In the book.

I wanna know What happens if You lose the book.

The leader of troop 134 Would know what to do.

That guy's A forest ranger, A green beret,

And he shaves with A broken piece of glass.

And he always has snacks.

Well, that's probably Why his troop is now full.

Now, fellas...

Let's talk About first aid.

First aid isn't cool.

Well, it's cool If it'll save your life.

And if you keep annoying me, It just might.

Uh...

Fellas?

You know, I think that's enough.

Uh-huh. Yup. Yup.

You know, I've lost All the feeling in my legs.

Fellas?

[music playing] Hey, I hear The ice cream truck!

Ice cream! Ice cream!

Yeah!

Fellas?

Guys?

Junior woodsmen?

Well, at least get me A creamsicle!

One for me.

One for you. Here you go--

Myra.

Myra, this is A chemistry class,

Not a truck stop.

Get back In your seat.

Oh, what's the big deal?

We're practically Engaged to be engaged To be engaged.

Myra!

Don't open your test Until I tell you.

And remember, If I catch you cheating,

I'll bust you Down to kindergarten.

[thinking] Oh, god. I have to sit Next to steve urkel.

He always Smells like cheese.

Teacher: Pencils ready.

Begin.

[thinking] Mmm! That myra's A real babe.

What does she see In that dork steve?

[thinking] "What's the corpuscular Theory of sound?"

I can't even understand The test instructions.

[thinking] Hmm. I could cheat Off this guy,

But he's a moron.

I wish I was sitting Next to the nerd.

Girl: oh, man.

What's the atomic Weight of boron?

She's so fine,

But she probably Can't even remember The atomic weight of boron.

Myra: mmm! Look at my hunky steve.

I could sop him up With a biscuit.

I think after class...

I do not know Anything on this test.

Do I smell cheese?

How am I suppose to think When I'm sitting here By urkel?

Oh, my god. I could've Studied all night long...

[all students thinking At once]

Stop! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Stop!

I can't take it anymore!

Would you all stop Thinking so loud?!

Steve, we're right In the middle of a test.

Oh, but I'm Cracking up here.

I have to get back To my total recall machine And do something.

Can I take The test tomorrow?

No. I'm sorry, steve. This is a midterm.

Well...

I read your thoughts about The dean's weight problem.

Uh, didn't you refer To him as "Wide load"?

You can take the test Tomorrow.

Thank you.

Attention!

Carl: attention!

I said freeze!

Now get in line!

Well, fellas, this week,

I have got some Really great things For you to do.

We are going to Actually build birdcages Out of popsicle sticks.

[boys groan]

Hey, guys, great news.

All the o'malley brothers Moved to philadelphia.

Troop 134 has room For all of us. Come on!

Yay! Whoo! Yes!

Where are you going, 3j?

To troop 134. They got it goin' on.

You can't leave. Remember the oath?

Oath? What oath?

The woodsman oath.

You know, "Loyal To our brothers Across the planet."

We can't desert Uncle carl.

Uh, fellas, Look, um,

The truth Of the matter is,

You know, Now that I'm captain At the precinct,

I'm really busier Than ever,

And I don't Really have The kind of time

To give to the troop That it deserves.

And, uh, I'm sure You two will admit

I'm not the greatest Troop leader In the world.

There's gotta be Somebody worse.

Thank you for those Kind words, 3j.

And thanks for trying To spare my feelings.

But, you know, It'd be okay with me

If you wanted to go Join troop 134.

Thanks. And if it helps,

You look better in Long pants anyway, man.

Thanks. Better get going.

The other guys Are waiting.

Uncle carl, Are you sure you're Not disappointed?

Why should I Be disappointed?

I mean, we had one Really great meeting,

Where you learned The true meaning

Of the junior woodsman Oath: loyalty.

Thanks, uncle carl.

Thanks.

Love you guys. See you later.

Steve, why'd you Want to see me?

Oh, I just wanted To apologize

For snooping through Your thoughts The other day.

[thinking] Hmm. I wonder If he's doing it now.

Yes, I am, But I can't help it.

But don't worry. I'm gonna stop.

I'm gonna run The machine In reverse.

And that'll stop you From reading people's minds?

Either that, or I'll end up being A paperweight.

Steve, is This machine safe?

Absotively, Posilutely 100%.

You're not wearing A metal bra, are you?

No.

Okay. Let 'er rip!

Yahoo. Aa-ooo-ooh!

[bell dings]

St--are you alright?

Mmm, I'm fine.

But I need you To think something.

Anything. What'd you Have for breakfast?

[thinking] I had a cup of tea And some captain crunch.

Well, go ahead, Think something.

Well, I did.

Yippee!

I'm cured!

I didn't hear a word You were thinking.

Steve, you need to Destroy this machine. It's dangerous.

Oh, no. Can't do.

Why, I'm gonna climb back Into that chair, Throw it in reverse,

And see if it'll stop me From reading minds.

You just did that.

Did what?

You got in the chair, Put it in reverse,

And it stopped you From reading People's minds.

Hey, that's a good idea!

I'm gonna get in that chair, Throw it in reverse, And see if--

Steve!

Hey, laura, When did you get here?

Uh, steve?

You may not be able To read people's Minds anymore,

But you seem to have Short-term memory loss.

Oh, fiddle-faddle.

Now, I want you To think of what You had for breakfast,

And we'll see If the machine worked.

I already Did that.

Good gracious, laura! When did you get here?

[doorbell chimes]

What was I doing?

[doorbell chimes]

Oh, now I remember. The telephone.

Hi, schnooglepoops. How are you feeling?

Oh, fine. Thanks for asking.

Have we met?

Why, stevie, it's me. Your little minx, myra.

And I know You from?

Steve, what's going on?

We've been lip wrestling For 4 years.

Well, martha--

It's myra!

Well, since My machine mishap,

I've been having some Short-term memory loss.

And since My machine mishap,

I've been having some Short-term memory loss.

Not to mention since My machine mishap,

I've been having some Short-term memory loss.

Oh...Well, Maybe this will help.

Oh, yeah.

It's all coming back To me now.

Goodie.

Oh!