Original subtitles

Jackpot!

A caramel.

Whoo!

[muttering angrily]

Well, hey, eddo.

Well, what set off Your cranky meter?

Laura.

My former sister.

Uh, what happened?

Okay, check this out.

I'm in the college Lunchroom,

And I'm hanging With greta and some Of her finest friends.

I mean, They fine, man.

When all of a sudden, Laura walks by,

And she drops a fake spider In my mashed potatoes.

Well, I see the spider, And I start screaming Like an old lady.

The girls all just start Busting up laughing at me,

Eddie wiiinslow.

That laura is a hoot.

It's not funny, steve.

Of course not.

I guess I'm just used to Beautiful women laughing at me.

[doorbell rings]

Eh.

You ordered pizza?

Yes sir-reeny. Double trout.

That'll be 15 bucks.

Alright. Here.

What, man, no tip?

Oh.

Here, Take a caramel.

Hot-hot-hot Hot-hot-hot-hot!

Say, man,

Don't I know you?

Yeah.

I'm rick matthews.

I went out with your sister A couple of times

Way back In junior high.

Yeah, yeah. How's laura doing?

Oh, she's good. She's real good.

Well, uh, Tell her hi for me.

Oh--wait, wait Wait, wait, wait.

Hold up, man.

You know, uh...

Laura talks about you All the time.

I've never heard This, brother, In my whole--

Rick: you serious?

Oh, yeah, Yeah, man.

I mean, It's rick this And rick that.

Hey, if you ask me,

I think she's still Got a thang for you, You know?

Really? Mm-hmm.

Why didn't she Let me know?

Well, you see, rick,

Laura is very, Very shy.

Mmm, you know. And if You plan to get Anywhere with her,

I mean, you're gonna Have to be more forward.

Is she seeing anybody Right now?

Well, yeah, Stefan.

Shut up.

She don't like him.

I mean, it's been over For a long time now,

But the poor guy Just cannot take a hint.

Ohhhhhh!

That's you!

Heh heh heh heh.

Now, why don't You drop by, maybe Late friday night,

Then you could do Some hinting Of your own, huh?

Know what I'm sayin'? Ha!

I think I will.

Yeah!

Thanks, man.

Hey, you got it, man.

Right on! Alright.

Hee hee hee! Ha ha!

Hey, hey, hey. Doughnuts, everybody.

Enjoy.

What's the occasion, Carl?

No occasion.

Can't a guy Just bring Doughnuts?

Well, it's just-- You've been in The precinct for 21 years,

And you never brought in Doughnuts before.

Well, I've been Meaning to.

I don't suppose This has anything to do

With that captain's position They're looking to fill.

Nah, they'll probably Give it to kellner.

Kellner? I mean, nice guy, But he's going nowhere With that eczema.

Look,

Everybody in the precinct knows That you're the most qualified.

Commissioner: Good morning, all.

Good morning, Commissioner.

You got a minute?

Oh, yes, sir.

Commissioner: In here.

Well, I wonder what The commissioner Could want...With me.

Ha ha ha!

Carl, I've got A very important job For you.

Thank you, sir. I am honored.

I will be The best captain I can possibly be.

Captain? Who said Anything about A captain?

You're not gonna be The new captain.

I'm not, sir?

No, sir.

Well, who is?

My son.

Your son? Yeah, cliff.

He's a lieutenant Over at the 24th, Bumping him up.

I want you to be His right-hand man And show him the ropes.

Well-- Here he is.

Oh, hi, dad.

Carl, I want you to meet Your new captain,

Cliff geiss.

Cliff, this is Carl winslow.

- oh, great to meet you. - same here.

Now, listen, you want to know How anything works around here,

Carl's your man.

Look, I'm late for lunch With the mayor.

I've gotta run. Settle in, son.

Oh, thanks dad. Bye.

Oh, uh--

Oh, no--

Well, you--

Oh, uh--

Well, if you--

Oh, okay.

Right there.

Oh, boy, what a morning.

I had a heck of a time Figuring out

Whether I should have Decaf or regular.

Oh, really? Why?

Well, I was A nervous nellie, so I thought maybe decaf.

But I didn't catch A wink of sleep All night,

So then I'm figuring, okay

Regular, huh? Get all the pistons Pumping there.

But then I thought, Well, now I don't want To be too pumped up

The first day On a new job.

But then I thought, hey,

Maybe pumped up is good.

What did you decide?

I'll let you know.

Hey...

Geiss is making His son the captain?

Oh, yeah.

Mister I couldn't make A simple desicion

If you life depended on it.

This is outright nepotism, man.

Tell me about it.

You know, willy.

Carl winslow's A good cop.

I've been loyal Through and through.

But they just Overlooked that.

It hurts.

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Don't move.

Hi, eddie.

Hey, rick, my man.

Come on in.

Hey, baby.

Whoo.

Rick. Hi.

Oh, alright. Here.

Whoa, you are shy.

Uh...Long time No see. Uh-huh.

Uh, you know, eddie.

Uh, and this is...

Stefan.

Right. Um, And I'm laura,

But, of course, You already Know that.

Whoo.

What's going on here?

Oh, uh, rick's An old friend.

Uh, ahem.

Isn't he an old Boyfriend, huh?

Boyfriend?

Uh-huh.

How long ago?

Oh, long, Long time ago.

I was still carrying my facts Of life lunchbox.

Uh, by the way, What are you Doing here?

Changing your life, Baby.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Come on. Eddie told me That you wanted To drop this guy.

He did?

You did?

Why?

Because he said that You still had a thang For me, baby.

Rick, ha ha.

It's obvious you got Some misinformation,

Because, you see, Laura is my woman.

So basically, You can...Leave.

Man, you need To take the hint

And learn how to let go.

Brother, if I let go, You're going to be The first to know.

Whoo! Okay, okay, okay.

Wait a minute, wait, Okay, alright.

Uh, look,

Uh, rick, I never Said that I wanted To drop stefan.

Stefan, I did not say I still had a thang For rick.

And, eddie, why did You tell him that?

Heh heh heh heh, Laura.

It's just a little thing That I like to call...

Payback. Ha ha ha.

Gotcha.

Oh, you got me.

And now, I'm gonna get you.

So, uh, you want To step outside?

Hey, it's just Me and you.

Won't mess up my clothes For that fool.

* let me take you to Funkytown *

* let me take you to Funkytown *

* let me take you to Funkytown *

* let me take you to Funkytown *

Hey, where's eddo?

What in the name Of the mod squad Are you wearing?

Unable to hone in On my new image,

I thought I'd swing the new, Retro-groovy look.

* let me take you to *

* funkytown *

Well, you crashed and burned.

I hear you.

'cause this polyester Is making me sweat

In places I never knew I even had.

Anyhoo,

I'm throwing a big 21st Birthday party for eddo.

Who's coming?

I have no idea. For some reason,

Eddo's never introduced me To his friends.

Uh, would his Address book help?

Darn tootin'.

Oh, I'm sure It's over there In his knapsack.

Oh, why--

Full of all sorts of Useful names and numbers.

Capital idea, Laura lee.

Here it is.

All of his nearest And dearest.

Wow, eddo has A whole book For his friends.

I just have A post-it.

Thanks, guys.

Eddie is gonna Be so surprised.

* let me take you to Funkytown *

Girl, tell me That was not eddie's Little black book.

Oh, it sure was.

Wait till he sees All his ex-girlfriends At his birthday party.

Surprise! Surprise!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

[telephone rings]

Hello, eighth precinct.

What?

Yeah, okay.

Alright, keep me posted.

What do you got?

Hey, captain?

Yeah, what do You got?

That was stan fisher, Park supervisor.

He said the 15th street gang Is gathering at mission park.

Gangs. Aw, wow. We ought to Do something.

What do you Recommend, sir?

Uh, well...Uh, The captain's Manual says

That I can call for Extra patrol cars,

Or--or we could put The precinct On riot alert

Or call in The gang task force.

Maybe I should Send in the gang Task force.

Unless, of course, You feel their presence Might incite a riot.

Oh, right. Let's not Send them in.

[telephone rings]

Eighth precinct.

Yeah, hold on.

The raptors are gathering On the other side Of the park.

Captain, the raptors And the 15th street gang

Have been warring For the last 10 years.

Well, let's hope For the best.

Maybe they won't Spot each other.

They just spotted Each other.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, Oh, boy.

Hey, captain,

Both sides are armed, And they're moving Towards each other.

Captain, something Has got to be done,

And it's got To be done now.

Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

I can...Send in some Extra patrol cars.

No, then I'd have To pull them off

That rock concert over At the united center.

But, then again,

I've got A potential gang war On my hands here.

And we can use all The units we can get.

I can't let 2 gangs Just go to war

In the middle Of a park.

What'll I do, carl?

You're the captain, sir.

Yeah, I know, but...

If I make The wrong decision,

Innocent people Could get hurt.

Help me.

Okay, captain, um, If it were me,

I would send in 4 units. They should be low-profile,

And I would keep The gang task force Standing by.

I'm gonna call the reverend Lawrence adams.

You're calling A minister?

Yeah.

He's right across From the park.

He knows Both gang leaders Pretty well,

And maybe He can talk to them

To defuse The situation Before it explodes.

Good idea.

Thank you.

So, brandy,

How do you know The birthday boy?

I dated eddie My junior year In high school.

Hmm. Well--well, That can't be.

That whole year, He dated a girl Named oneisha.

Who's oneisha?

You don't know Oneisha?

Oneisha!

Come here. Meet and greet.

Yes?

You will never Believe this,

But you and brandy here Were dating eddo At the same time.

Really?

I'll kill him.

After I do.

Here he comes. Everybody hide.

Okay, hide, hide, hide. Come on, come on.

Oh, come on. You can do Better than that.

Aw, oh, you--

Surprise!

Ha ha!

Eddie, who are All these women?

What women?

Aren't they All your old Girlfriends?

Old girlfriends?

* happy birthday To you *

* happy birthday To you *

Come on, everybody. Join in.

* happy birthday, Dear eddo *

Okay, now just The girls.

* happy birthday To you *

Yay!

Who planned this?

Uh, that'd be me.

It's my little gift To my best bud eddo.

[chuckling]

Steve, are you Out of your mind?

You invited all My ex-girlfriends.

I'm sorry, I had no idea.

What am I Supposed to do, huh?

Well, if I were you, I would open Your presents

Very carefully.

Attention! Attention!

I mistakenly invited all Of eddie's ex-gal pals.

Okay, now, I know

You all gave your hearts To eddie,

And all he gave you in Return was the heave-ho...

Dumpster city, The old booteroonie,

But I say, let's let Bygones be bygones,

Wish the e-man here A happy birthday,

And have some cake.

Steve, What in the world

Possessed you...

To invite all My girlfriends

To a party?

Well...

Laura told me to call All the numbers in your Little black book.

You used my little Black book?

Yeah. It's just A little thing I'd like to call...

Payback.

Gotcha!

Thanks a lot, laura.

I thought you Were my friend.

I am your friend.

Then why would you Embarrass me like this?

Greta, I never Meant to hurt you.

I was just trying to Get back at eddie.

Oh, well, you got back At him, alright.

And in the process, You ruined the party

I worked my heinie off To give him,

Not to mention hurting Those young ladies' feelings.

Yeah, laura!

And you!

You're just as Guilty as she is.

Shame, shame, shame On both of you!

It's one thing when you Fight with each other.

It's another thing when Innocent people get hurt.

You don't know how lucky You are to have each other.

I'd give anything to Have a brother or a sister

Or parents who called.

You make me sick!

Eddie, uh, Steve's right.

I'm sorry I ruined Your birthday party.

Yeah, and I'm sorry I ruined your date With stefan.

I'll call both him and rick, And--and I'll apologize.

Son, I am so Proud of you.

Your quick thinking Averted a major gang riot,

And that is what Being a police captain Is all about.

Now, listen, I just got off the Phone with the mayor,

And he's going to give You a special citation.

Oh, no, no, dad, That's not really Necessary.

Ah, come on, don't Get humble on me.

You made Your old man proud.

Well, excuse me. I'm gonna go do some work.

No, no, carl, Carl, wait.

Look, dad, I got Something to tell you.

Carl is the real Hero here.

What are you Talking about?

Well, carl jumped Right into action.

He knew what to do.

You mean He helped out?

No, no, He bailed me out.

Dad, I couldn't Decide what to do. Tell him, carl.

Well, it was A sticky situation.

I froze Like a popsicle.

Well, gee, cliff, you've only Been at it a couple of days.

No, no, listen to me, dad.

I liked working evidence Lockup at the 24th,

And I was very good at it.

I'm not very good At being captain.

I'm a good cop, But I'm not the kind Of cop you are.

Well, son, it's seems You've made a decision.

What do you think About all this, winslow,

Or should I say Captain winslow?

Captain?

Oh, commissioner! Oh!

Oh, well, I just-- Oh, thank you!

Eddie, if you Truly love me,

You will shred Your little black book.

Baby, you know I love you,

But it's just that there Are so many memories In here that I just--

Memories? Memories you Want to forget, right?

Yes, dear.

Press puree.

[sobs]

Aah!

Thank you, baby, And I will see you tonight.

Oh, who's making a smoothie? Who's making a smoothie?

No one, steve.

It's just me And my little black book.

Gretta made me shred it.

Finally, she's made An honorable man out of you.

I'm proud of you eddo.

Well, don't be too proud.

I got all the numbers On my computer.

Oh, that reminds me.

I just crashed your hard drive.