Original subtitles

Ugh. Something Smells nasty!

What is that?

It's a new sandwich spread I've invented.

It's called, "I can't Believe it's not squid."

Ugh.

It should be called, "I can't believe

You're actually Eating that mess."

Hmph. Your loss, More for me.

You can have it.

Hey, son.

Have I got Incredible news.

What, halle berry Returned my phone call?

No. I'm talking about

Something that could Happen on this planet.

Well, you know, tomorrow, Your mother and I

Are celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary.

Forget it, dad.

I'm not chipping in This time.

No. No, no, no.

This time I've made Extra special plans.

Cool. What'd you do?

Well, first you have to swear Not to say a word.

Okay. I won't.

And if you do,

May your tongue swell up To the size of a football

And may all your hair Fall out.

Ooh. Come on, dad. Not the hair.

Well, I'm serious, son.

I want this to be A complete surprise.

Okay. I swear I won't tell mom.

Now, it took some doing,

But I actually scored 2 luxury box seats

At the bears-packers Game tomorrow

At soldier field.

Oh, hoo hoo! You go, dad!

Wait, wait. There's more.

During half-time...

Yeah?

I actually hired a blimp To fly over the stadium

With a message That reads, get this,

"Carl loves harriette."

I like it.

Mom is gonna flip When she sees that blimp.

Yep. That's what I'm hoping.

Now, remember, Do not say a word.

My lips are sealed.

Mm-hmm, well, then You don't need this.

Hey, dad--

Ed.

Edward, edward, edward.

I have the most Fantastic news!

What, halle berry Returned my phone call?

No. I'm talking about

Something that could Happen on this planet.

Listen, honey. I'm surprising your father

With a wild And romantic evening

For our anniversary Tomorrow night.

Oh, really?

I'm dying To tell somebody.

Want to know What it is?

No, but I'm sure Dad would.

Oh, honey, don't be silly.

Then it wouldn't be A secret.

Oh, but, mom, Secrets are bad.

Besides, Haven't you always--

Edward...One peep Out of you,

And your grandkids Will be grounded.

Gotcha.

Oh! Ooh! Stefan, laura! Oh!

I wish I were going To italy with you.

It's going to be So much fun.

Modeling can be Such a grind.

Yeah. Well, buying me An expensive present

Might make you Feel better.

And which designer Would you like?

There's armani, gucci, Dolce e gabana.

Yes, please.

Now, what about you, My pretty portabella,

Any sweet plans For the weekend?

Just some Fraternity party

Max and I are going to.

But don't worry. We won't get too crazy.

What's so funny?

You...Getting crazy?

What is that Supposed to mean?

Laura, you may be A lot of things--

Beautiful, kind, funny-- But crazy? Come on now.

What are you Talking about?

When I let loose, I can get pretty wild.

Laura, your idea Of getting wild at a party

Is double-dipping Your potato chips.

Yeah? Well, I'm also Taking this tape back

To the video store,

And I have no intention Of rewinding it.

Ooh! Stop the madness.

I'll call you tomorrow Morning from rome.

I should just Be getting back

From the party by then.

The party. Ha ha.

Gooo! Gooo! Gooo!

Yeah!

Be careful, laura. I heard these parties

Tend to get a little Out of control.

Well, I'm in good company.

'cause I plan to get A little wild myself tonight.

Well, what's so funny?

You, wild?

I'm tired Of everybody thinking

I'm a goody-two-shoes.

I'm gonna spread My wings a little bit.

Kick up my heels.

Tear it up.

You know why?

'cause this girl's got A little somethin' somethin'.

Laura, you ain't got Nothin' nothin'.

Well, then watch out, Miss thing,

Because tonight I'm Gonna get my swerve on.

Hey, babes.

Go, go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Yeah! Whoo!

Nice.

Hey, girls.

How about a game Of quarters?

Okay. How do you play?

Easy. You just bounce A quarter off the table

Into a glass of beer.

If you miss, You gotta chug the mug.

Yeeeeah. Gooooo!

Instead of beer,

Can we play With diet soda?

I guess not, huh?

Come on, girl.

Let's check out The party.

Ooh, girl.

That cute guy by the keg has My name written all over him.

Come on.

Hey.

Oh, hi.

I didn't see you.

Can I have a beer, Please?

Here you go. Here you go.

Here you go.

Oh, thanks, but can I Have a diet soda?

Sorry, gidget. This is a fraternity,

Not a malt shop. No soda.

Well, don't you have Anything else besides beer?

Let me check.

No! We just got beer!

Well, I don't drink beer.

Come on. What's the big deal?

What is the big deal?

Laura, you're actually Gonna have a beer?

What the heck.

Girl! Do you realize There's alcohol in that beer?

Don't worry, girl. I can handle it.

Go, laura. Go, laura. Go, laura. Go, laura.

Laura! Girl, The music stopped.

Girl, tell that To my booty.

Whoo! Whew!

All this dancing can make A girl a little thirsty.

Hey! I'm that girl.

Whoo!

Oh! Thank you, boys.

Excuse me.

Laura, if you're finished Being a fly girl,

I think we should leave.

Please! This party is Just getting started.

Now, where's that Buff quarter boy?

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Hey, y'all.

Excuse.

Alrighty, gentlemen,

Who has a quarter For the lady?

Thanks.

Goooo! Goooo!

Laura winslow!

Steve, thanks For coming.

Oh, my god!

Why, she's--she's Sucking suds.

Yeah. She's pretty drunk And out of control.

* the roof, The roof *

* the roof Is on fire *

I gotta deal With this right--

* the roof is on fire *

Okay, okay, okay, laura. Say goodnight. This party's over.

I don't want to.

Come on, laura. Laura, come on.

Stop being such a bunch Of party poppers.

Don't--oh, laura!

Say, sweet thing,

I know where there's Another party going on.

Where?

Up in my room.

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Fat chance, mr. Horn dog!

Now, this little lady Is coming with me.

And there's not A doggone thing

You can do about it.

I guess there isn't.

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!

Ohh! What have you been eating?

Ooh. Are you alright? Are you okay?

Yeah.

[babbles]

[grunting]

Thanks.

Whoo!

Oh! Oh, alright.

Now, what you need is A visit to nappyland.

After that, you'll Wake up in soberland.

Now, come on, and let's Get you upstairs.

No...

Steve...

You are such a good friend.

Thank you.

You're a good Friend, too.

No. No, no. I'm serious.

You've always cared for me, And you know what?

I appreciate it.

You know that?

Mm-hmm. Yes. I know you do.

Ow.

Okay. Now, upsy-daisy.

You know what, steve?

I am so sorry About your eye.

Heh. No problemo.

Actually, my vision's Getting better.

I'm only seeing Double now.

Oh, I know what would help.

Oh...

How does that feel?

Great.

Only it's the swollen Black and blue eye.

Better?

Much.

Oh, yeah.

Pain's all gone now.

Mom, dad.

Guys, breakfast is ready.

Three eggs sunny side up. Put some bacon on the side.

Look you guys, I can't take this any more.

The pressure is killing me.

Now, look, if you two want to Keep the anniversary plans

A secret from one another, That's your business.

But please leave me out of it.

By the way, good morning.

Carl?

Hmm?

Did you make any plans For tonight?

Sure did.

You?

Well, not just Any ol' plans.

We're taking a romantic cruise On lake michigan.

Oh...How sweet.

Yeah, but, uh...Ahem.

I got us 2 luxury box seats

At the bears-packers Football game.

Ha ha. How sweet.

Heh heh. Yeah.

But a football game On our anniversary?

Well, yeah, A football game...

With an extra Special surprise

During half-time.

What, we get to leave?

Oh, that's cute, Harriette.

Very cute.

But a football game Sure beats

Getting seasick On a stupid cruise.

You think my present's Stupid, carl?

Yeah!

I'll have you know, Carl winslow,

I spent a lot Of time and money,

None of which Is refundable,

To rent that boat.

Well, harriette, What do you think,

That my tickets just Fell from the sky

Screaming, "I'm free! I'm free!"

Well, carl, we'll just have to Use your tickets another time.

Uh-uh! We're gonna have to use That boat another time.

Harriette, the bears Do not play the packers

Again this year.

Carl, I worked 3 months overtime

Just to get enough money To even rent that boat.

Harriette, I called in a huge favor

To commissioner geiss,

Who then called in a Huge favor to the mayor,

To secure His season tickets.

Let me tell you something, Carl winslow.

I am not going to some Silly ol' football game

On my anniversary.

Well...I am.

So if you want me, Harriette winslow,

I'll be At soldier field,

Box 134. Hmph.

Well--well, I'll be on A cruise on lake michigan.

So if you want me, Get a foghorn.

I don't need to...

'cause I'm already Married to one.

Oh, yeah?

Well, it'll be A month of sundays

Before you get Another toot.

Yes, yes, yes.

What do we want?

Peas or stir-fry Vegetables with wild rice?

Peas.

Ahh...Oh.

Morning, my little Love basket.

Not so loud, steve.

Who moved the sink?

It used to be a lot closer.

Looks like Miss missy miss

Is getting a visit From mr. Hangover.

Oh, my lord! What are You off to, a luau?

No. I'm still haven't Locked in my new look.

Surfer dude, What do you think?

I think you're gonna Make me blow chunks.

Laura, what's gotten Into you lately?

I don't think You've ever had

A drink In your life.

But last night, you turned Into the st. Pauli girl.

I've been sneaking Out of the house,

Breaking my curfew.

It's like lately I'm somebody

I don't even know.

I can relate. I'm there, too.

I guess We're just trying

To find ourselves.

Well, that's right.

You know, laura,

If you ever need Anybody to talk to,

A pair of broad shoulders To lay your burdens on,

I'm always available.

Thank you, steve.

I really Appreciate that.

And I'm also available If you'd like to pick up

Where we left off last night.

What are you Talking about?

Don't you remember?

Last night after the party,

When you planted That big wet one on me?

Now, steve, I was drunk last night,

But I didn't plant

Anything big or wet Anywhere near you.

Oh--oh, yes, you did!

Why, you laid a kiss On me that--

That singed My nostril hairs.

The kind of kiss That changes things forever

Between you and me.

Steve.

Oh, now, come on, laura.

You're honestly saying You don't remember that kiss?

Sorry, babes.

Well--well, then...

Things aren't Any different

Between you and me?

Steve, trust me.

Things are exactly The same between us.

That kiss was the greatest Moment of my life,

And laura doesn't Even remember it.

Woman on videotape: Ohh, that's it. Ten more. And 9 and 8.

Now tighten those buttocks And feel the burn.

Mmm. Hurt me, baby.

Hey, dad.

Hi.

Eddie: hi, mom.

Ahem. Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Would you mind passing me My newspaper, please?

Certainly.

Thank you.

Can I trouble you For my magazine?

Oh, no, no problem.

Oh, my goodness.

I don't believe this.

Now, you two Both started out

Doing something Really nice for each other.

But this thing has gotten Way out of hand.

Dad, I know you love mom.

And, mom, I know you love dad.

And that's all That really matters here.

Now, work it out!

Thank you.

Isn't this nice, carl?

Mmm, I'll say.

Perfect.

I am having A candlelight dinner

On a romantic cruise

In the middle Of lake michigan

With the most beautiful Woman in the world.

Oh, carl.

And besides that, We are 5 miles from shore

And steve urkel Is a weak swimmer.

And the night's Not over yet.

When we get home,

We're gonna make Some popcorn

And put in that tape Of the bears game.

Harriette?

Have I got a surprise For you.

A surprise?

Mm-hmm. Come on.

Ooh!

Now, take a look Right up there.

Oh, carl...

And I thought of it All by myself.

It's wonderful.

And harriette Loves carl, too.

"Eat at ray's"?

What does that mean?

Well, it, uh, It means that, um,

It means that I save 50% If I share the blimp with ray.

Happy anniversary, Honey.

Girl, this weave is fierce!

Let's face it. I'm good.

Can I borrow your Black shirt friday night?

You know, the one With the pearl buttons.

Did I tell you that will smith Asked me to marry him?

Hey, this is only A conversation

If 2 people talk.

I'm sorry. It's just that

Something's Been on my mind

The last couple of days.

Ooh, that patch of Small hairs on your chin?

Girl.

Well, it's just that...

Ever since steve started Improving himself,

I'm finding myself...

Sort of...Kind of...

Well, you know...

Attracted to him.

This explains it.

It can cause brain damage.

No, I'm serious. Remember last night

When steve said I kissed him,

But I told him I didn't remember

Because I was Too drunk?

Yeah.

Well, I wasn't That drunk.

You remember the kiss?

Oh, yeah.

And you liked it?

Oh, yeah!

Girl, you actually Like steve urkel?

I'm starting to.

You know, honey.

This is the perfect end To a wonderful anniversary.

Mmm, I'll say.

It's half-time, And the bears are up 42-0.

Ooh! The bears game. What a thriller.

Hard to believe they lost it In the last 10 seconds.

[mumbling]