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All language subtitles for Ep2Cd-1-NS Office 2 A XXXParody 2010

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,380 --> 00:00:14,400 So today, I am at Dinder Muffin Corporate Headquarters for my 2 00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:19,840 I'm meeting with CFO Dave, which makes him my head manager. 3 00:00:20,380 --> 00:00:23,780 Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, hey Michelle, you're always 4 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:26,080 twittering about how you're the head manager. 5 00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,860 Down to the balls! Suck that cock down to the balls! 6 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,880 So really, I'm head supervisor and he's head manager. 7 00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:17,610 So anyways, last year I didn't get good reviews. 8 00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:21,910 I think it's because the CFO Dave wasn't getting any pussy from his wife who was 9 00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:23,530 cheating on him with a vibrator salesman. 10 00:01:25,590 --> 00:01:26,590 Hello, Michelle. 11 00:01:27,850 --> 00:01:29,370 He's standing right there, isn't he? 12 00:01:31,890 --> 00:01:32,890 Hi, 13 00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,470 Dave, how are you? 14 00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:41,610 Uh, you mean because my wife left me for the vibrator salesman? Oh, Dave, when 15 00:01:41,610 --> 00:01:43,430 are you ever going to forget about that cheating whore? 16 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:45,280 Uh, yeah. 17 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:46,900 We're still married. 18 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:50,260 Ginny, so good to see you. 19 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:53,720 Good to see you, too. You're looking great. 20 00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:55,920 That's what she said. 21 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,400 I did indeed. 22 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,540 Well, guilty as charged. 23 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,420 And look at you. You look like you're getting some fun at Dollarwood Branch. 24 00:02:04,140 --> 00:02:05,760 Uh, that's not a tan, Michelle. 25 00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:07,100 I'm mulatto. 26 00:02:19,660 --> 00:02:24,840 So, Michelle, despite the recent economic recession that we're having, 27 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:28,640 branch has again proven to be highly profitable for this quarter. 28 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:36,460 Now, despite the fact that your methods are extremely non -traditional, we stand 29 00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:41,500 behind you 150%. We are very impressed with the numbers that you're putting 30 00:02:41,920 --> 00:02:44,800 Well, thank you, said the battleship. 31 00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:48,440 See, we really don't want to micromanage you. 32 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,120 You mean like with midgets? 33 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,860 No, what I mean is that even though you do some things differently than other 34 00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:58,440 managers, we don't want to change what it is that you do. 35 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:00,040 Really? 36 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:01,920 Yes. Yes. 37 00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:06,580 I mean, I stayed up all night putting together this video and downloading it 38 00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:10,400 my phone so I could change you guys' mind about the way that I do things. 39 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:17,460 But, Michelle, we just gave you a good rating, so there's really no need for us 40 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:18,460 to view this. 41 00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:22,430 Let's just watch it anyways. I even have a speech ready. 42 00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:24,830 Okay. 43 00:03:27,670 --> 00:03:30,290 Alright. Ladies and gentlemen. 44 00:03:31,530 --> 00:03:33,630 Today, George Bush Jr. 45 00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:35,250 will be proven right. 46 00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:40,830 I have snuck in a weapon of mass destruction that will blow both of your 47 00:03:40,830 --> 00:03:41,830 up. 48 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:46,610 So just play it. It'll change your mind about me. Totally. 49 00:03:57,510 --> 00:04:00,690 I'm still really excited about Obama in office. How about you? 50 00:04:01,470 --> 00:04:03,230 That's exciting, I guess. 51 00:04:03,750 --> 00:04:05,290 Right? A black president. 52 00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,470 Mm -hmm. 53 00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:11,090 So what's the word on the street anyway? Are they still going to give him props 54 00:04:11,090 --> 00:04:12,110 even though he's become the man? 55 00:04:14,310 --> 00:04:15,249 Excuse me? 56 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:19,670 You know, is he down with the B .O .B.? Or do they call him Dope Man, Dope Man? 57 00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,570 I try to tell him I'm where hope floats, man. 58 00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:22,790 Ghetto spokes, man. 59 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,820 Sometimes I like to have little chats with my ethnic employees, whether 60 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:36,600 black, Asian, Latin, or midget. 61 00:04:37,180 --> 00:04:41,360 And I think it's really important to get them to open up to me, so I can get in 62 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:43,500 their minority heads and see what it's like to be them. 63 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,800 I learned that from a great black leader, Martin Lawrence from Big Mama's 64 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,800 2. 65 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,920 Sam, I really think you should lighten up about this whole black thing. 66 00:04:59,270 --> 00:05:02,150 You know, I'm trying to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony, and I can't 67 00:05:02,150 --> 00:05:04,750 do that if you're blaring your hip -hop of bitterness and division. 68 00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:06,870 You're the one that brought it up. 69 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,350 That's what she said. 70 00:05:14,790 --> 00:05:18,930 So to show you that just because I'm the man, I'm not here to keep you down... 71 00:05:18,930 --> 00:05:21,710 Candy? Hello? 72 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,390 Can you come in here for a minute, please? 73 00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:24,650 Okay. Thank you. 74 00:05:33,740 --> 00:05:38,240 Dan, if you haven't noticed, Candy here is Caucasian. So for race relations' 75 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,800 sake, she's going to let you keep her down. 76 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:44,680 Have fun. 77 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:46,240 We will. 78 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,320 Hahahaha! 79 00:09:17,670 --> 00:09:18,670 Ugh. 80 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,160 oh yeah 81 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,760 Show me the way. 82 00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:15,990 start. 83 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:14,839 Thank you. 84 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:15,840 Thank you. 85 00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:50,980 brought white and black together, we, as a whole office, as one, can work 86 00:21:50,980 --> 00:21:55,520 together in peace and harmony and love our coworker no matter what race or 87 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,180 religion. And that's the lesson we've learned here today. 88 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,180 There's three things that I love. 89 00:22:01,740 --> 00:22:04,240 Number one, I love pretzels. 90 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:08,300 Number two, I love crossword puzzles. 91 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,500 And number three, I love pussy. 92 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,640 Oh, we got you at actually 24. Okay, Mommy. 93 00:22:22,180 --> 00:22:24,340 No, I'm sorry. The ice break is only for 25. 94 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,720 We only go at one moment, though. Yeah, I think we get a set of the ring, we get 95 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,300 the ice break, and everybody visits us. 96 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,520 Um, I can do all that. 97 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,000 Just as I thought. 98 00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:42,600 The United States of America. 99 00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:44,720 Commonly referred to as a school. 100 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:47,400 Most messy of all known creatures. 101 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,720 All right, people, prepare yourselves. We have a code gray squirrel attack. 102 00:22:54,060 --> 00:22:57,780 I repeat, code gray rabid squirrel attack. 103 00:22:58,180 --> 00:23:00,220 Jimmy, check the filing cabinets. 104 00:23:00,540 --> 00:23:01,540 Under S, right? 105 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:05,160 Mary Beth, head into the vending machines. 106 00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:07,640 Those little buggers head into the nut buster bolts first. 107 00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:10,280 And Sam, we're gonna need hammers and nails. 108 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:12,960 Nobody gets out of this place. We're stealing it. 109 00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,580 Uh, Dwayne? 110 00:23:15,180 --> 00:23:16,700 If we, uh... 111 00:23:17,050 --> 00:23:19,290 Tape up all the doors and windows. 112 00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:22,630 What do you expect we do when we run out of air? 113 00:23:23,630 --> 00:23:26,210 Bitch, it's the only chance we've got. 114 00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:28,210 Good luck. 115 00:23:32,950 --> 00:23:34,210 Um, yeah. 116 00:23:35,090 --> 00:23:38,970 The theme of this week for Messing with Wayne is squirrel infestation of his 117 00:23:38,970 --> 00:23:42,550 desk. We told him that we saw a bunch of squirrels running around in the parking 118 00:23:42,550 --> 00:23:44,630 lot, and then we showed him the security footage. 119 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,280 Squirrels are most human -like out of all the animals. 120 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,720 Some people would argue that gorillas are, because they can learn sign 121 00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,000 But if that's the case, they're more like deaf humans. 122 00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:02,300 So no, squirrels are. 123 00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:10,240 And 124 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:18,020 that 125 00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:19,500 is how you squirrel -proof a desk. 126 00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:39,310 Mr. Muffin, Dwight speaking. How may I help you? 127 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:52,990 Taunted by the Rabbit Squirrel. 128 00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:12,440 No. 129 00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,100 I'll just see your fucking pussy drip. 130 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:52,719 Hold your hands on my neck. 131 00:29:52,720 --> 00:29:54,160 Yes. Yes. 132 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:55,560 Yes. 133 00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:57,260 Fuck. 134 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:01,820 Yes. 135 00:30:06,020 --> 00:30:07,020 Yes. 136 00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,480 Fuck. Yes. 137 00:30:17,540 --> 00:30:19,240 Fuck me. 138 00:30:49,070 --> 00:30:50,070 Oh. 139 00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:24,280 Good. 140 00:32:09,610 --> 00:32:10,630 Yeah, put it just like that. 141 00:32:11,690 --> 00:32:12,810 Oh, fuck. 142 00:32:18,250 --> 00:32:22,110 Oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck, baby. 143 00:32:23,730 --> 00:32:24,970 Oh, my God. 144 00:32:25,550 --> 00:32:26,550 Oh, 145 00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:33,110 shit. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 146 00:40:05,390 --> 00:40:06,390 Yes. 147 00:41:01,090 --> 00:41:04,650 If I stop working to kill those squirrels, the squirrels will win. 148 00:41:05,180 --> 00:41:08,140 And if you think I'm going to let them take away my freedom after they brought 149 00:41:08,140 --> 00:41:10,580 down those two towers, you, sir, are a fool. 150 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:32,700 So, this morning I was waiting in line at Star Bucketino's before work. Gonna 151 00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:33,700 grab a quick espresso. 152 00:41:34,710 --> 00:41:36,170 An espresso, if you will. 153 00:41:36,650 --> 00:41:40,070 And I reached in my pocket to grab my wallet, and it's not there. Apparently I 154 00:41:40,070 --> 00:41:41,070 left it at home. 155 00:41:41,330 --> 00:41:43,790 Reed was behind me in line, so he spotted me the cash. 156 00:41:44,470 --> 00:41:45,570 Must be my lucky day. 157 00:41:47,290 --> 00:41:49,830 That is my name on this credit card. 158 00:41:50,850 --> 00:41:51,850 It's Michelle. 159 00:41:53,410 --> 00:41:56,850 No, it's not a girl's name. It happens to be French. 160 00:41:57,950 --> 00:41:59,090 I ordered... 161 00:41:59,310 --> 00:42:03,550 Five dozen cock rings from you guys. Are you going to get off your ass and 162 00:42:03,550 --> 00:42:04,910 deliver those to me or not? 163 00:42:05,230 --> 00:42:07,610 Because if you don't, I'll tell you something. 164 00:42:07,870 --> 00:42:12,330 There's going to be a bunch of upset gypsies. And they're going to be horny. 165 00:42:12,330 --> 00:42:13,328 they're going to be pissed. 166 00:42:13,330 --> 00:42:17,390 And when they're done singing and dancing, they're going to caravan over 167 00:42:17,390 --> 00:42:19,130 house. And they're going to fuck your dog. 168 00:42:20,050 --> 00:42:21,110 You understand me? 169 00:42:22,570 --> 00:42:23,570 Good. 170 00:42:24,490 --> 00:42:25,490 Mercy. 171 00:42:40,330 --> 00:42:44,090 Oh, he's the quality assurance director for this branch, but other than that, 172 00:42:44,130 --> 00:42:45,130 he's kind of a mystery. 173 00:42:45,390 --> 00:42:50,510 Oh, except one time he told me that he accidentally moved to Korea, and then he 174 00:42:50,510 --> 00:42:51,510 called me Sandy. 175 00:42:52,670 --> 00:42:56,450 I heard. His dick was so big, it had a kneecap. 176 00:42:58,090 --> 00:43:00,090 I have a question for you, asker of questions. 177 00:43:00,790 --> 00:43:02,710 Who's more dangerous in an office environment, 178 00:43:03,510 --> 00:43:05,870 Reed or Brown Bear? 179 00:43:07,230 --> 00:43:08,230 Correct answer? 180 00:43:08,700 --> 00:43:09,700 Reed with bear claws. 181 00:43:11,500 --> 00:43:14,760 So on Monday, I asked Reed how his weekend was. 182 00:43:15,560 --> 00:43:16,940 And he started telling me about it. 183 00:43:17,340 --> 00:43:20,720 And then I realized he was telling me the plot for the Patrick Swayze movie 184 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:21,720 Roadhouse. 185 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:23,780 And then he called me Sandy. 186 00:43:28,020 --> 00:43:30,340 Roadhouse? Who told you that, Sandy? 187 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,000 Yeah. 188 00:43:34,340 --> 00:43:36,280 I've had some pretty crazy times. 189 00:43:40,950 --> 00:43:41,950 Crazy. 190 00:43:42,490 --> 00:43:48,610 I remember one time, me and my fat, sarcastic friend and McLovin went to get 191 00:43:48,610 --> 00:43:50,170 some booze so we could go get laid. 192 00:43:52,350 --> 00:43:53,830 We never did get laid. 193 00:43:54,570 --> 00:43:56,950 We ended up back at the roadhouse where I worked. 194 00:43:57,870 --> 00:44:00,050 Where we kicked ass and took some names. 195 00:44:02,130 --> 00:44:05,650 I got a shipment here of, uh, Cochrane. 196 00:44:05,950 --> 00:44:06,950 Does that help? 197 00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:11,440 Yo, right here Okay, 198 00:44:12,340 --> 00:44:19,520 thanks 199 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:20,540 a lot thank you 200 00:44:41,450 --> 00:44:42,450 Hey, Lee. 201 00:44:42,950 --> 00:44:43,950 Hey, Kelly. 202 00:44:45,210 --> 00:44:46,210 Kylie, stupid. 203 00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:47,970 What have you been up to? 204 00:44:49,110 --> 00:44:51,970 Well, Katie, stuff. 205 00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:59,910 Stuff? Well, since you're so much into stuff, why don't you just 206 00:44:59,910 --> 00:45:02,090 stuff me up with some reed? 207 00:45:29,940 --> 00:45:31,840 For how long have you worked here? 208 00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:35,600 Um, not that long, but, um, every day. 209 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:36,779 Every day. 210 00:45:36,780 --> 00:45:39,340 Oh, my God. Why didn't you tell me? 211 00:45:41,820 --> 00:45:43,760 I was waiting for this moment. 212 00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:47,300 Really? Mm -hmm. Oh, my God. 213 00:45:48,860 --> 00:45:51,020 Are you sure you're in the right office? 214 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,560 Oh, yeah. 215 00:45:52,620 --> 00:45:53,840 I'm so sorry. 216 00:50:19,310 --> 00:50:20,310 I know. 217 00:50:20,350 --> 00:50:21,570 You know. 218 00:50:22,170 --> 00:50:23,170 Straight. 219 00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:57,490 Oh yeah, oh yeah 220 00:56:12,840 --> 00:56:13,920 Oh, yeah, give me some more. 221 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:15,760 Okay. 222 00:56:16,060 --> 00:56:17,060 Sure. 223 00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:19,280 Oh. 224 00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,040 Oh, my God. 225 00:56:23,580 --> 00:56:25,920 Oh, my God. 226 00:56:26,660 --> 00:56:27,660 Oh. 227 00:56:29,180 --> 00:56:30,500 Oh, yeah. Oh, 228 00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:33,800 yeah. Oh, yeah. 229 00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:43,640 Thank you. 15977