Original subtitles

So what's the deal with the ography on the end of pornography?

I mean, it means to study something, right?

I mean, you have spinography, geography, and pornography.

You know, when I'm watching pornography, I'm sure as all hell not studying.

If anything, I'm studying my penis.

You should call it dickography.

You get a master's in dickography.

Imagine that.

Being a college student, Betty Lou asking you out on a Friday night. Sorry,

Betty. I gotta go home. I got my dichography homework.

Can't go out.

And so you see, that's why you'll never see a three -headed dildo. It's because

of FaceTime Continuum?

Exactly. The government will never allow it to exist.

Fascinating, Gary.

Hey, what's with this lineup, anyway?

It's just porn, right?

It's just porn.

Oh, sweet, innocent Elena.

This guy has the best stuff.

He has an exclusive distributor.

They give him everything before anyone else has it. All he asks in return are a

few minor concessions.

Are you chewing gum in my store?

No porn for you!

Okay, I'm next. How do I look?

What's the opposite of a man?

Anyways, what's this guy? Some kind of porn master?

Not to his face.

Next!

One ass and mouth, please.

How did you pee today?

Is it fresh?

You know, you should have a DP du jour.

You know, I'm not even sure that I'm in double penetration today.

How's your Asian tranny and lesbian gang bang?

No point for you!

What? Get out of my store!

Listen, buddy.

Don't!

the big deal is anyway.

Uh -huh.

I mean, what's with the control issues?

Sure. This is amazing.

Ha! Porn is on every network now anyway, so it's not as if I'm missing out on

anything.

Look at this. It's cinematography. It's beautiful.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

It's good.

I mean, look at the shot.

Me angles.

Everything is sexy, but not cheap.

I know.

I got hardest from the FBI warning.

Yeah.

God, you're so fucking hot.

I'm out for you.

I'm out for you.

I'm out for you.

I'm out for you.

I'm out

for

you.

Can you hear that? Yes.

Ah,

damn it.

I love you so much. I love you so much. I need you. I need you.

I need you.

Oh, yeah,

yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God, you see, oh, my God.

They love it. They love it. Yeah, you know I need you. You know I need you.

know. You know. You know. You know. Just you. Just you. Just you. Oh, my God.

Yes. Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh,

my God. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes.

You know how to do it. You know how to make me come. Just you, just you, just

you, just you.

Oh, yeah, right there like that.

Oh, yeah, I keep

it tight for you. I keep it tight for you. I keep it tight for you to make you

happy, to make you come.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh,

my pussy's in the shape of your dick.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, you know, you know, you know.

All the way. All the way. Needle.

Oh, my God.

God. Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Do something.

Toast, toast, toast.

Honey!

I want you to mark me. I want everyone to know that I'm yours. I want

everyone to know that I'm yours. I want you to fucking mark me.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh yeah.

On your feet, on your feet, on your feet, on your feet.

Yes.

Come to me, come to me, come to me.

Good girl.

Good girl. Yes.

Yes,

baby. Yes.

Yes.

God damn.

Keep sucking, keep sucking, keep sucking,

yes.

I can feel it. I can feel it.

I want to taste you. I need to have you. I want to drink you. I want to taste

you. I need to have you.

I want to feel it. Let me feel it. Let me feel it. I want to feel it. I want to

feel it.

Hiya!

Go, go, go.

Please,

please, please. Please,

please, please.

Fuck.

Holy shit.

I've got no use for them.

But you love your porn, Kramer.

It's just not doing it for me, Jerry.

I can't jerk off.

I should make porn for this poor Nazi.

Hey, that's not a bad idea, gorgy boy.

It's not?

No, it's not.

I'll make my own porno.

This is going to be good. How hard can it be?

All you need are fluffers, cameras, beds.

Logic, reason, the ability to communicate a rational thought.

Okay, buddy.

I gotta go.

The Regina's coming over.

Orgasmic girl?

Yeah. You're upset that she has easy orgasms?

Could you just get a little... usual?

Usual? She gets squirting, moaning, squirting.

You know what I get? A fiancé.

I bet you 20 bucks the Pope gets more pussy than I do.

Well, the new Pope or the old Pope?

No, because the new Pope looks like he could be a regular German player. A

regular Stephen Holmes in his day. With a funny hat.

I wonder what you need to do.

You need to spice up your love life a little bit.

Come on up.

The wedding's in a month, Gary. I can feel the walls closing in.

So call it off.

I can't. What if she hates me?

Get a flashlight.

I did.

My mom grabbed it last month during the blackout. She was in the hospital for a

week.

Yeah. You know what it's like to have your mom use your sex toy as a visual

I can't say that I do, Gorgie. I can't say that I do.

Hello, Regina.

You remember Gorge, don't you?

Sure do.

Actually,

I think you met him at Kramer's party last week.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

Oh, my God, is that a new table?

Yes, it is. I just picked it up yesterday.

Oh, it looks like real wood.

I believe it's mahogany.

Okay,

I'm going to go grab some food. Do you all want anything?

No, thanks.

Did you see that? I most certainly did. Not only am I stuck with Suzanne the

rest of my life, but I can suffer an orgasm like a bullet hitting someone's

chest. You're the orgasm man of steel.

Well, I need an advance, or else I'm going to be late for rent this month.

I do not care.

I work really hard for you. This isn't fair.

No porn for you!

I don't want your porn. Well, no job for you!

one interracial lesbian BBW to go?

Wait a second.

Don't I know you?

No, I don't think so.

No, I think I know you.

No, I just have one of those faces.

You know, I get mistaken a lot for Angelina Jolie.

I mean, I can't even stand around two or more Malaysian kids without paparazzi

popping out of the bushes and trying to take my picture.

No, I know you.

You shuffle girl.

No, no, that wasn't me.

No point for you.

You don't understand. I need this.

Next. Hey, so do you want to get back at the poor Nazi?

Would I? This guy is like untouchable. He's like that movie.

That guy, Al Capone.

Anyway.

What if I told you I had the number to a secret distributor?

Get lost!

But you have to do something for me.

What would that be?

I love my wet lips on your persimmons.

I know.

Action.

Fucking beautiful down there.

Hump something for fuck's sake.

Giddy up.

Get a nice and fucking hard so I can sit on it.

Fuck yeah.

You like watching me meow?

Thank you.

Fucking cough.

a little bit hard.

the boudoir theme, Gary.

In my living room?

Where else would you expect me to shoot it? In your living room!

And what did you do with all my stuff?

So I'm doing this porno today, right?

What? Yeah, I told you.

I think I remember something like that.

Oh, well, I did a porno today and they paid me.

And all these great set people.

Okay, then.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

And that is my cue to answer.

Of course it is, Gorge. Of course it is. You said you wanted me to spice things

up. Yeah.

Ooh la la.

Suzanne, you look quite pleasing to the eye.

Thank you, Kramer.

Okay.

Now that we are all ready,

are having sex over here. Hey, what's going on here, Grammar?

Buck and Suzanne are having sex over here.

Okay, Buck, what I need you to do... Hey, there's supposed to be something

special for Suzanne and me.

It is, Gorge.

It is.

You said you wanted me to spice things up.

I'm in with me, Grammar.

Oh, come on, Gorge. You know this will be good for the both of us.

How is a director supposed to work under these conditions?

Action.

Yeah. Get it.

Hmm.

Tomorrow, we can go to the supermarket.

Oh, that sounds hot.

And then after that, maybe a Broadway show.

Oh, fuck yeah. I've always wanted to see the color purple.

This show's turning me on.

The news?

Yeah, and urologists are so sexy.

Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore.

What? Look, it's not you.

It's me.

that it's not you, it's me. I invented the it's not you, it's me. Fine, it's

you. It's his whole orgasm business.

Most men love a woman who can orgasm. In bed!

But you have them everywhere. The bookstore, the bus station, the bakery.

Good night, Gary.

The hospital, the grocery store, the fish market.

The voting booth, the opera, the stock exchange.

It brings your kind to my neck of woods.

For your information, Gary, I am here to deliver the utmost of discretionary

packages. For one, Mr.

Cramer to Mr. Costana. I am, of course, a trusted and dependable member of

America's Mailman.

You're on duty?

No, I'm taking a personal day.

Take good care of this, buddy.

If Gordon's in, that's all we do.

Don't worry, Cramer, old buddy.

You can trust me.

You can trust me.

So,

uh, Gary, what was up with that hot date of yours?

No.

What the hell?

Is that, uh, polyester?

purchase a film with a meteorologist.

What is that in your hand?

Oh, what, this?

Do

I

know you?

No.

You look familiar.

But you look familiar.

That's weird.

Jack off, I mess up cock in your mouth. Yeah, you like that? Yeah.

Yeah, you got really high on this airplane.

Yeah.

Shit.

My tight little pussy. Love it. Tight little pussy.

Get my cock so hard.

So fucking hard inside.

Good.

Forcing you to take all of my massive cock.

Oh, so fucking perfect like that.

So good.

Yeah.

That's not good.

Nomad.

Regina, what are you doing here?

Oh. Hi, Gary.

Never mind.

You were supposed to mail the video to Gorge.

Was I?

I guess I got, uh, confused.

Now. If you'll excuse me, there's a ham in a window a few blocks back that

caught my eye.

What's going on?

You. What are you doing in here? I told you, no porn for you.

I wouldn't be so quick on the trigger there, buddy.

What's this I have here?

Maybe it's a list of your titles from your exclusive dealers.

What's new on the porn shelves today? Let's see.

Let them eat cake.

Sounds like a delightful little rock.

Stick it in my duty hole, number 72.

What's this, a thriller?

Gang bang my midget?

Enough!

What is it that you want?

You're through, poor Nazi.

Better pack up your things and get out of here.

Now!

So what's the deal with fake boobs?

I mean, ladies, you had them already, and we love them. Guys don't need fake

order to like them. Trust me on that.

And besides, every girl always says it's to fill out her shirt, show my shirt

fits. So you go, you spend $5 ,000, and now you've got to get new shirts anyway.

So you've lost all this money.

And really, when it comes down to it, your boobs aren't really going to make a

difference whether they're fake or real.

Guys are going to like you either way. I mean, what is the deal with that?

Oh, these are real.

And they are spectacular.

Sandra, what are you doing?

Oh.

oh shit

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

This is so fucking good.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Fucking...

Oh, my God.

Fucking wet.

Give me that fucking dick.

Give me that fucking... There you go. There you go.

Oh my god.

This is fucking hard.

Just, just, just.

Fuck.

oh my god oh my god

oh my god oh my

god

That fucking dick.

It's so fucking tight.

It's so tight.

It's so fucking tight.

It's so fucking tight. It's so fucking tight.

It's so fucking tight.

It's so fucking tight.

It's so fucking tight.

I'm gonna fucking grab my tits.

My tits.

Fuckin' my dick.

Shit.

My tits are bouncing all over the place.

Fucking wet.

Fucking cock.

I want that fucking cock back in. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Come, Mickey, come, Mickey. Yeah.

Come, Mickey, come. Come, Mickey, come, little boy.

Yes. Oh, fuck.

I'm going to come. Do it, do it, do it. Yeah. Do it. Do it.

Yes.

I don't know when you fucking hit me I don't know when you fucking slapped me

Pull me on that fucking cock.

You're so fucking sexy.

Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Right there. Right there. Right there.

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah.

Mm -hmm.

Fucking tight little cunt.

Oh shit.

Oh my God.

Just hold him like that. Hold him like that.

Shit.